I was adopted at birth in hudson New York 1993. The hospital was Columbia Memorial Hospital in hudson ny. It was a closed adoption. I was adopted in to a family my adopted father is a doctor he works at Columbia Memorial Hospital he has been since before I was born. I am 14 years old now I have no information on my birth parent only that my birth mother was 16 years old. Please I am going through a horrible time I need to find at least my birth mother. Please help me.. :( :( :(

You will prob have to wait until you are 18. But maybe your father could help.
Have you asked him?

:( i was adopted at birth in hudson new york 1993. the hospital was Columbia Memorial Hospital in hudson ny. it was a closed adoption. i was adopted in to a family my adopted father is a doctor he works at Columbia Memorial Hospital he has been since before i was born. i am 14 years old now i have no information on my birth parent only that my birth mother was 16 years old. please i am going through a horrible time i need to find at least my birth mother. please help me.. :( :( :( Try to put yourself in your parents'shoes first.Talk to them.And are you really sure that your birth mother wants to see you?

You will have to wait until you are 18 to start your own search.

It's unusual that you were adopted in a closed adoption in 1993. Most adoptions were at least semi-open at that time. Have you talked to your parents about this?

Why are you in need of your birthmother? If you think she'll step in and make life with your parents easier, you have another think coming. I'm a birthmother, and if my daughter EVER thought I'd go against her parents, she'd have another think coming.

Are you sure your parents don't have contact with your birthmom? I know that I don't contact my daughter directly. Her parents send me a letter once a year, and I send them one. We have each other's phone numbers, but they are for emergencies only.

Hon... you really need to talk to your parents about this. Only they can help you with the questions you have right now.

What do you believe your birth mother can do for you that the parents that raised you can't?

My son is going through his "my parents are complete idiots" phase right now. We get better as you get older - or at least most of us do!

i was adopted at birth in hudson new york 1993. the hospital was Columbia Memorial Hospital in hudson ny. it was a closed adoption. i was adopted in to a family my adopted father is a doctor he works at Columbia Memorial Hospital he has been since before i was born. i am 14 years old now i have no information on my birth parent only that my birth mother was 16 years old. please i am going through a horrible time i need to find at least my birth mother. please help me.. :( :( :(
Hi there,
Being under 18, you will have some serious roadblocks.. most search sites cannot legally assist you.
IF you were born at the hospital.. and your dad worked there then... chances are he KNOWS who your mother is. There is even a good chance that things might have been a little hinky.. err under the table... with that connection.. so even though going through them might be difficult as they might not want you to know the full story. BUT, it would be easiest to have your parents on your side.. though it is common for parents to be threatened by a search. Still, they probably do know more then they are telling you an if there is any way that you can get them to understand, that would help.

NY does have some sort of reunion registry... you will want to sign up with it.. though they do not have really good track records.. so don't stop there! The best and biggest most susseful registrey is the ISRR (http://www.isrr.net/).. so you definalty want to go there: Also Adoption.com has a good search site.. remember that when you are looking, dates may be slightly off.. or you might find someone who alsmost fits the bill but goes against what you think you know... always inquire anyway! But agiain... you can't do squat until age 18. You can though, hook up with other people.. not all mothers wait to look for the kids.. some start before age 18, though many feel they never have a right to find their lost babies.

You can also enlist in the help of a search angels ( list of some here (http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/whereg.shtml)), or get a PI to help ( Kin solving is one) but many can complete a successful search with out having to pay for it.. so I would advise saving that for a dead end.

WHat is also VERY important is to NOW start reading the stories of other people who have searched and the stories of relinquishing parents. You want to prepare yourself and be emotional ready as you can be for whatever possible outcome may happen. I strongly recommned reading The Girls WHo Went Away by Ann Fessler because the voices and stories of the moms in that book really do echo the emotional feelings of adoption and will help you understand your mother. As a 90's adoption her story will have some differnces, but the foundation will be very much the same. Hearing the voices of other adoptees and moms is very helpful.. so try the blogs (http://musingsofthelame.blogspot.com/)Taking to other adoptees also will help... Adoptese (http://groups.msn.com/Adoptese/_homepage.msnw?pgmarket=en-us) and Soul of Adoption (http://soulofadoption.com/forum/index.php?action=forum) are great places to get support and understanding.

Google will be your best friend.. there is so much out there and on line now. But the links here will get you into the world adoptionland online. You might have to spend quite some time here whikle you wait for theings to open up legally for you, but you will be very ready when the time comes.

Good luck.. and try to have no expectations, and be open minded to what you might find... it is not called an rollar coaster ride for nothing. Be prepared for the emotions.. they are al very normal.. though intense!

Also, it is VERY NORMAL for you to need to know where you came from. Just because you are adopted and no matter how great your parents are does not mean that you have to be content or grateful. Its is natural to want to find our people.. finding your original family can be very helpful even at this young age. At 14 you are struggling with idenity and who you are.. so having all the pieces of that puzzel now will enable to go forth into adultood knowing all parts of you. Many people do NOT understand this and will try, as in some of these answers, to make you feel bad for wanting to know. You have the right to know. It's going to be harder because of your age, but it can happen.

Try to put yourself in your parents'shoes first.Talk to them.And are you really sure that your birth mother wants to see you?

Historically, research shows that less than 1% of surrendering mothers deny contact with their lost children. The majorty WANT contact, will be open to it, and don't look themselves because they feel that they have no right, or that it is actually illegal as they were told by agencies and social workers at the time of relinquishment. In fact many mothers did NOT want to lose their babies to adoption to begin with.
Adoption is not suppose to be about the adoptive parents needs. It is suppose to be about the child, the adoptee. This adoptee NEEDS to know... and all should respect that need. Even the adoptive parents.. even if it hurts them.. because that is what parents DO for their cildren.. they put the child's needs first.

[QUOTE=Emland]What do you believe your birth mother can do for you that the parents that raised you can't?
QUOTE]
The family of origin can:
Provide genetic mirroring.. ie.. its a real nice thing to see someone who looks like you!
Give this person their chapter one.. life does not being at adoption, there is a birth story,he/she existed beofre the adoption.
Provide medical history.. very needed and important.
Give a sense of history, the family tree, a place in the world order.
Tell the adoptee the reasons... many times no matter how great the parents are, the adoptee still will feel emotional abandoned and rejected. It does them good to know that they were loved and wanted and how many times, the natural parent did not want to lose them, or fought to keep them.. and thought about them always.
Provide other family members. Siblings, aunts, grand paretns, etc.. with a whole wealth of hostory and more ability to connect with part of their clan. Imagine being from a family of dancers adopted into a family of scientists who scorn dancing. The adoptee goes though life feelig bad for loving what comes naturally to them... and when they find out they are form a family of dancers, then they realize that they are not WRONG. Simple example, but very true.
Improve self esteem, trust issues, idenity questions...

The list goes on and on... there are many many reasons to search.

First lets look and deal with the problem,

What type of "very hard time" are you going though, what is happening, are your parents beating you, perhaps they are not feeding you enough ?
So the main issue is to deal with what your problems are and find a way to get though those.

I can't see how finding your birth mother will solve a single issue you are having now, if you found her today, you don't know her, she does not know you, she has no legal right to even visit you. So she is not going to solve any problem for you.

Education re: the needs of people who are adopted is crucial before answering a question about adoption. This answer is not helpful re the original post.

Very good points made! Thank you!

In8love, in answer to your question, definitely talk to your parents about your desire, and explain why it is important to you. They will be able to help in your search and may have a number of answers for you already.

My birthmother had me and gave me up for adoption at the age of 14. Growing up I always wondered about her and knew that someday I would find her. I ended up finding her when I was 22. I am glad that I waited! Now after knowing her for 12 years she still has not gotten her life together. Sometimes there are bigger reasons than you can imagine for your birthmother giving you up. At such a young age I would have to say she did the right thing. I'm sure she loved you and it was probably the hardest thing she ever had to do, but she did it because she loves you and wanted the best for you, which she probably was not in a position to provide you. I agree with most of the posts here that you need to talk with your parents about this and wait until you are at least 18.

I think that you might have to wait until you are 16 to find your birthmother. I definitely agree with LadyB talk to your parents maybe they know something.

I think that you might have to wait until you are 16 to find your birthmother. I definetly agree with LadyB talk to your parents maybe they know something.

There is actually NO law that says when you can and cannot begin a search. That is adoption mythology and incorrect. You CAN search at any time, but many of the avenues will still be closed.. so YOU can search but THEY cannot give you any information, and even after 18, they still cannot tell you a lot.
16 is not an age that shows up anywhere at all.

In states where records are open, and there are 6, then you DO have to wait to be 18 to have acess to your original birth certificate. And formal serachers, legal PIs, and most agencies and public domaines will also insist on 18. UNLESS... you have your adoptive parents permission, and then, sometimes, they will begin sooner... if you can prove need, etc.

And out of the hundreds of mothers that I know, not one of them WANTED to lose their child nor think now that it was the best at all.

Sadly I see those saying I don't know about adoptees have no idea about what it is really about, and actually give a lot of false hope to people in very fragile position.

First I work with those seekers who find that hateful parent, I work couselng the ones that get spit in their face and told they wish now they had had that adoption. I have worked with the birth mother whose husband divorced her because a birth child showed up at the door one day and she had never told her new husband about a previous child.

Next I am adopted, I adopted a son, and another son has adopted a son, and I have spend more time trying to be sure that a rejected adoptee does not kill thierself, so if you have not done that, you just need to erase your posts since you have no true idea what really happens, you read report off search sites, who makes advertising dollars and want you to use their sites to search.

Now I don't mind people searching but they need to ask thierself why first,
If they want to have a new family then no they don't need to search, they have a real family and just need counseling to learn to be happy with who they are, if they merely want to know some about who they were and why people gave them up, But this silly idea that they just love a person they never meet is the silliest thing, and these people need serous counseling, not help searching.

And now many people want to deal with the crying adopted mom ( the real mother in my book) who was there to bandage the scraped knee, to hold them when they were scared in the middle of the night, to be rejected as this child grows up for a sperm donor that someone online tells them will be the best loving mother, sorry but bull.
Have you sat all night at a adopted mothers home listening to her cry and wonder why their child deserted them for a sperm or egg donor who gave up any rights years ago. Or the husband who ended up wanting to kill thierself because their only son , who was the highpart of their life, wanted to find his "real" father.

You are doing the adopted parents a true injustice, they were there to pick up a unwanted child, they were there to provide the love, the money the support for raising the child, the adoptee parent is the only real parent, the other people gave up any right to call thierself a parent years before. And really while many wonder how their child turned out, most don't want any real contact, and even if they do, sorry their ship sailed when they gave that child up,

I am an adoptive mother with a wonderful relationship with my son's first family including grandparents. They are people- real people. They are living, breathing, feeling human beings, not a sperm donor and egg donor. I can't in good conscience dehumanize people to make myself feel more secure. I am his Mama, I am his female parent. She is his mother in that she nurtured and cared for him in her own body and made a difficult choice in what she felt was his best interests. Him knowing and even having a loving relationship with his first mom isn't a threat to me, and I believe will be an enrichment to all of our lives.

Humans have the capacity to love more than one child, more than one parent, more than one grandparent, more than one sibling, have more than one friend. Loving person B does not take away from any love or affection you might feel about person A.

Relinquishing parents do not turn off their love for their child when they sign those papers... often they have been coerced or even forced to place against their wishes to parent, because they lack any kind of support system. Others may want to parent, but recognize that it is not in the child they love's best interest to do so due to whatever circumstances they find themselves in... and willingly relinquish with love. I have met a number of relinquishing parents and all fit into these two categories... loving people who found themselves in unfortunate circumstances. None are so highly dysfunctional as to be a threat to anyone. (Parents whose children were removed by the state due to instability are a different discussion)

I should think the parent who is so insecure that the mere mention of their child wanting to complete their own life puzzle sends them to suicidal thoughts and hysterics is the one who needs serious counseling and help. Why are they so afraid?

While everyone here has made some good points are we all forgetting that the girl here wanting to find her birthmother is only 14 years old. There are too many bad things that could happen by her searching now, unless of course there was some medical need. This is an adult decision that needs to be made as an adult. The maturity level of a 14 year old is not fully developed. Again I say she should talk to her parents, and wait until she is old enough and mature enough to handle the consequences if they should turn out to be bad!

i was adopted at birth in hudson new york 1993. the hospital was Columbia Memorial Hospital in hudson ny. it was a closed adoption. i was adopted in to a family my adopted father is a doctor he works at Columbia Memorial Hospital he has been since before i was born. i am 14 years old now i have no information on my birth parent only that my birth mother was 16 years old. please i am going through a horrible time i need to find at least my birth mother. please help me.. :( :( :(
I feel really upset for you maybe you should try at the adoption place and see if they ave a record

i was adopted at birth in hudson new york 1993. the hospital was Columbia Memorial Hospital in hudson ny. it was a closed adoption. i was adopted in to a family my adopted father is a doctor he works at Columbia Memorial Hospital he has been since before i was born. i am 14 years old now i have no information on my birth parent only that my birth mother was 16 years old. please i am going through a horrible time i need to find at least my birth mother. please help me.. :( :( :(
I was adopted too and most cases you should be able to receive info from an adoption agency once you turn 18. Won't your parents tell you any info? You should be able to get a copy of your original birth certificate. You should have 2. I have my original and the one from my adoption. Check with the social security office. When I called to get a copy of my ss card they verify info with you, like your mothers name. I already knew my mothers name but it was still listed with them.

No stephmgr, a closed adoption is just that, your original birth certificate and any adoption records are sealed. You are not allowed to see them. So there is no legal way in a sealed adoption to see those records.
Next if you were adopted as a small child, you may not have a social security number, or your adpotee birth parents may have gotten you a new one.

And I have nothing against people searching, but they need to be informed.

i was adopted at birth in hudson new york 1993. the hospital was Columbia Memorial Hospital in hudson ny. it was a closed adoption. i was adopted in to a family my adopted father is a doctor he works at Columbia Memorial Hospital he has been since before i was born. i am 14 years old now i have no information on my birth parent only that my birth mother was 16 years old. please i am going through a horrible time i need to find at least my birth mother. please help me.. :( :( :(


I was in the same boat as you! I was adopted at birth in Washington State. It was a closed adoption and I didn't know anything about my birth parents... My Adoptive Parents names were on the birth certificates... There was nothing!

Then the end of last year I found a website, of a person named Judith Euritt. For a $400 fee she will go into the courts, petition and do all that stuff... luckily my birth mom chipped in half.

Judi was very nice and she said it could take up to 6 months or something, and I just filled out a form...

Within 3 weeks! She called me up.. I will never forget... I was at work and she called me and she said "Oh I talked with your birth mom and here is her number" I started crying! I was like... Oh my gosh, so fast!. She also found by birth father and I talk to my half brother on the phone almost every day! I am trying to get to Washington to see them all... They are all living in different areas now... but I can not even tell you! It was SOO WORTH the money...

And I didn't think it would work because I didn't know ANYTHING about my birth parents except that My dad left my birth mom when she got pregnant.

You will have to wait until you are 18 to start your own search.

It's unusual that you were adopted in a closed adoption in 1993. Most adoptions were at least semi-open at that time. Have you talked to your parents about this?

Why are you in need of your birthmother? if you think she'll step in and make life with your parents easier, you have another think coming. I'm a birthmother, and if my daughter EVER thought I'd go against her parents, she'd have another think coming.

Are you sure your parents don't have contact with your birthmom? I know that I don't contact my daughter directly. Her parents send me a letter once a year, and I send them one. We have each other's phone numbers, but they are for emergencies only.

Hon...you really need to talk to your parents about this. Only they can help you with the questions you have right now.
:rolleyes:

:rolleyes: You were way to harsh! Where is your heart at lady!! You are talking to a child that is wanting some answers and regardless of how you feel you should think about how he feels. Shame on you!

In8love, in answer to your question, definitely talk to your parents about your desire, and explain why it is important to you. They will be able to help in your search and may have a number of answers for you already.


Agreed... but no one addressed that if she is having a hard time... maybe the adopted parents have issues... there are other outlets that can give her relief in the meantime while she attempts to find her bm.

Depending on the problem at home... it may need to be addressed via some community resource.

:rolleyes:

:rolleyes: You were way to harsh! Where is your heart at lady!!! You are talking to a child that is wanting some answers and regardless of how you feel you should think about how he feels. Shame on you!!

The ones that adopted him are not his real parents and by all means he has the right to find his biological parents when he gets older. You have to be adopted to understand that there is a void in the adoptee's life regardless. He should try to sit down with his A/parents and talk with them and hopefully they would help him.

I'm a BIRTH MOTHER.

And YES, the people who adopted him are his "real" parents. They're just not his FIRST parents. Or what---they were imaginary parents? Come on!

Maybe I was heartless... but I was also realistic. People in their teens who are searching for biological families are generally not just curious, or feeling a "void" in their life. What they want is someone who "understands them" (as if anyone can understand a teenager except another teenager--at least in to their point of view) or who will let them do things that their parents won't let them do.

I believe that I did say that he should talk to his parents, and that his best bet for getting answers is to be truthful with them about why he wants the answers to begin with.

Sorry sue, but no you have no real idea from my opinion, I am adopted and I have a son who is adopted, and the adopted parents is the real parent, they are the ones who was there when they were sick, they were there when they were scared at night, they are the ones who lost sleep waiting up for them when they did not come in on time, Their the ones who did without a lot of personal things so their children could have things. That is what a real parent in, sperm donors in a sweaty embrasse are just breeders, and to me have no real rights to even be considered a parent, a parent is a verb, a action, something that is done, so the real parents are the ones who raise the child.

And you can call be heartless but I am a realist, as teens, they don't know what they want in their life, and often look for easy ways out of dealing with real life, and some fanticy parent who is rich, or who is sitting there wanting them, is just that fanticy and they need to work with there "real parents" and learn to be happy being who they are.

I certainly understand what/where you are coming from but with that in mind we all have the right to our opinion. I don't want to get off the subject of this young person searching for this BParents. I feel that everyone has the right to know/search if that is what they want of course when they are old enough. Who are we to judge what others want or feel. To say that the Birthparents are nothing more than a sperm donor could be true for some but not for all. You must know the circumstances before you judge a birth parent.

I'm a BIRTH MOTHER.

And YES, the people who adopted him are his "real" parents. They're just not his FIRST parents. Or what---they were imaginary parents? Come on!

Maybe I was heartless....but I was also realistic. People in their teens who are searching for biological families are generally not just curious, or feeling a "void" in their life. What they want is someone who "understands them" (as if anyone can understand a teenager except another teenager--at least in to their point of view) or who will let them do things that their parents won't let them do.

I believe that I did say that he should talk to his parents, and that his best bet for getting answers is to be truthful with them about why he wants the answers to begin with.


You were not "realistic" at all. You made assumptions and jumped to conclusions. Conjecture is not reality.

I wouldn't call you "heartless"... it's more along the lines of completely lacking any understanding or knowledge of his situation and jumping to a presumptive conclusion, with a dash of sanctimonious on top of it all.

I am a mother of grown children and I am also an adoptee. And many many years ago, I was a teenager who was desperate to find out more about my background, and it certainly wasn't because I was looking for someone who would 'let me do things that my parents won't'. Sorry, but that really had me laughing. I can only speak for my own experience, but frankly I could have had sex on the dining room table during Sunday dinner, then smoked a joint and downed a bottle of Scotch and my adoptive parents would not have cared... assuming they were sober enough to notice what I was up to. Frankly, I preferred them passed-out drunk because when they were sober I was beat without mercy for imaginary reasons. They were angry alcoholics and needed someone to blame, and being the adopted outsider, I was a safe target. This was back in the day before child protective services. I would really like to believe that my situation would be much less likely to be someone else's reality these days.

Every day I thanked God that these people were not my "real" parents.

Anyway... I knew next to nothing about my real parents. Asking my adoptive parents only led to a severe beating, after which I was literally kicked down the cellar stairs and left locked in the cellar for two days. Oh... and when they finally let me out... I was beaten again because I had urinated on the cellar floor (like I had a choice in the matter).

It took me nearly 3 years to work up the courage to ask that question. Luckily for me, I got some answers while being beaten so it was worth it. Nothing quite like being beaten by people who don't know when to shut up, lol.

I wanted to know about my background... who and where I came from, what kind of people were they, what did they do, what did they look like, etc so I could identify with something because God knows there wasn't a darn thing in my home life for me to identify with. Teenagers are searching for identity... their own identity... and when you don't even have a basic foundation in place that can be so much more difficult than for an average teenager. For instance, I loved to read and excelled in science and math. The couple who adopted me had trouble keeping minimum wage jobs as clerks in discount stores and I never saw them with any reading material other than TV Guide. If I had known that my real father was a scientist, it would have connected some imaginary dots in my sense of identity and self. I also looked very different from the couple that adopted me, and there is no faking a sense of physical or ethnic identity. I stuck out like a sore thumb and I knew it. My adopted name was of an ethnicity that I obviously was not.

When I finally met my real father, for the first time in my life I saw someone who was my own flesh and blood; someone with whom I could identify with in physical appearance. It was a wonderful feeling. It's very hard to describe what this is like to someone who has never experienced it. Most people grow up hearing "you have your fathers eye's, your mother's hair, you're tall like your grandfather's side of the family, your uncle is dark like you, etc". I didn't have anything to identify with, ever. Most adoptees don't.

You have no idea what life is like on the other side of the coin.

Fr_Chuck... there are ways to have sealed records unsealed, usually unofficially. I know this because I had it done. The Judge who allowed me to examine my file was very sympathetic because he himself had been adopted.

I must say you hit every point that there was to hit. It sad to read the life of living hell you lived but in the same respect you chose a better life for yourself. Good for you!

in8love19,

Hi there. I was adopted, so I figured I could relate to you well. I am not sure what "hard times" you are going through, but at age 14, I can come up with 100's of ideas. Those were really bad years for me as well. I'm 25 now, and my life is just starting to settle down. Just to briefly give you some info on me: I was adopted as a baby by parents who could not have their own children. My life was far from perfect, but miles from horrible. I was provided with everything I needed, everything I could possibly want. My parents were wealthy and spoiled me, however emotionally, weren't there for me. My father was a functioning alcoholic, and when times were bad, times were REALLY bad. He was never physically or verbally abusive, but boy was he emotionally. Anyway's, I built up a lot of resent towards my father around your age. When things got bad I would think about trying to contact the people that gave birth to me (do note my use of the term "parents" and "people that gave birth to me"). Because of my age, I was never able to do so. As the years went by I graduated high school, went to college, and I just received my Masters degree. I happened to study behavioral criminology-which encompasses a lot of psychology. I now know that many times, when an adopted child reaches out to their biological "parents", they are extremely disappointment with the result. I believe, children spend all those years building expectations, and then if they are let down, which many times they are, that can be even more devastating than never knowing. At this point in my life, I have no desire to try to find the people who gave birth to me. I am very glad I did not make the decision to do so when I was younger. People don't understand how much emotional strain, whether it be negative or positive, they will endure when adding that extremely large new chapter to their lives. If you aren't emotionally stable now, I don't believe finding your birth "parents" will make your situation any better. I am not sure if I will ever desire to find the people who gave birth to me. However, I am curious from time to time. If I ever do make that decision, it will not be until I am older and my life is settled and stable. Always remember, no one can change your life but yourself. You control your own happiness. Hope this helped.

I certainly understand and can relate to what you are saying. I am not looking to reunite with B/Parents but I am in dire need of medical information which I feel I have the right to. I have a lot of medical problems which could affect my children. My life is stable and has been for years but my medical condition is not stable nor will it ever be without medical information.

I now know that many times, when an adopted child reaches out to their biological "parents", they are extremely disappointment with the result. I believe, children spend all those years building expectations, and then if they are let down, which many times they are, that can be even more devastating than never knowing.
<snip>
People don't understand how much emotional strain, whether it be negative or positive, they will endure when adding that extremely large new chapter to their lives. If you aren't emotionally stable now, I don't believe finding your birth "parents" will make your situation any better.
<snip>
You control your own happiness.

I totally understand what you are saying, but for many people just getting some answers straight from the source can be a very healing experience, no matter what the outcome is.

I found both my birth parents. It was a very rocky situation with my birth mother to begin with, and things deteriorated rather rapidly. The situation with my birth father was completely different. I was welcomed with open arms and truly loved by him. For my own sake, I needed answers about who I was in the most basic sense and where I had come from, and I got them. I would not trade the closure I got from the experience (both good and bad) for a million dollars. For me, not knowing was not an acceptable option. It would have literally eaten me up inside.

Many adoptees have unrealistic expectations concerning their birth parents and the circumstances surrounding their adoption. Sometimes the truth of the situation is just plain ugly, and is certainly nothing like the fantasy the adoptee has imagined. This is one situation in life where it is best to have low to no expectations.

You are right in saying that people control their own happiness. Everyone is dealt a hand in this life, and one has to play the hand they were dealt without any excuses.

I've gone through the same thing. I was adopted from a closed adoption in 1987 and I've been dreaming of my birth mom forever. For my whole teenage life I wanted to know her, see her, see who I looked like.

As years passed, the desire sort of went away. I'm 22 and I'm desperate to KNOW, but I think meeting may be a VERY bad idea. I thought of all the possibilities: what if she died? It would break my heart. What if I found her and she pretended not to know me? These things I couldn't handle. I really understand what you're going through. Make a promise to yourself. Promise that you will search for information only. If you have to contact, please just email. If you call or visit it could be devastating. Maybe she has a family now and never told anyone about giving birth to you... you could ruin a new family. I'm just saying, please stay strong. I feel where you are coming from and I REALLY understand. I think searching for information could be just as satisfying, you know?

Closed.

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