I have two children from a previous marriage and one from my current marriage they are aged 29,27 and 21 I am having problems with the 29 year old? I have been married to my current husband for over 20years so all children he has provided for and brought up. The older children don't see their birth father. Our eldest son has always been a challenge and has never reached his full potential. He has been working abroad and has been back living with us for 4 months. He has been a nightmare, disrespectful, rude to me and others. He and his dad had a big argument because of this disrespect and my son then smashed the car window in temper. My husband told him to leave and he is currently living with his friend. He has no permanent work. This happened about 8 weeks ago. This has put a wedge between my husband and me because he won't let him come back in the family home until he changes. My husband arranged to meet him the other night and although he apologised for the car situation he says he thinks he has no reason to change. I have tried talking to him, I have been kind, angry but nothing seems to work. Do I step back from the situation and let him go for a while? I have always been over protective I admit

You should support your husband, and not allow the ADULT son, ( he is not a child anymore) to come home.

If he ever comes home, he should have a job and pay rent, pay for car window being broken (first) and live by rules.

You should have kicked him out of the house for the disrespt long before your husband had to

I have no idea why this is a wedge between you, obviously you should not believe son needs to come back home??

Your husband is right. Your son is an adult and should be living on his own unless he is employed full time and paying rent.

It's time for your son to learn some respect. Stop protecting him mom, he needs a good swift kick in the arse.

I know you are right but it is really hard for me any tips on trying to make it any easier or anymore thoughts and advice would be very much appreciated. It has come between myself and my husband because really don't like the fact that he can't come back to the family home and I really worry that he is OK. But I have tried an at a loss and feel in a very dark place right now

He is almost 30 years old. Time to cut the umbilical cord mom. You need to be supportive of your husband through this. After all, he is the one thinking reasonably.

He he shouldn't come back to the family home. He is 29, not 9. At his age he needs to learn to sink or swim. You have raised him the best you can, now it's time to let him put what you taught him to work for him.

You ou won't be here forever, he needs to learn to take care of himself. I hope he has no children.

No he has no children and us not currently in a relationship

No he has no children and us not currently in a relationship
That's a good thing mom. You need to know that you raised him the best you could. Children don't come with a set of instructions.

Now ow its time to let him stand on his own two feet. You can't rescue him forever. You and your husband need to provide a united front. You need to be on the same page. Your son is/was taking advantage of you. Being disrespectful of a parent is a game ender. He has shown his violent tendencies. He won't stop there if you let him back.

In time he will learn the err of his ways. Right now, follow the lead your husband has provided. If you continue to coddle your son you are only doing him a disservice.

Do you really think and believe this? What if I lose him forever ?

Also when I say come back home my husband won't let him visit until he is ready to change and now my son has cut me off because I was strong with him the other day. What if he ends up in a mess I just worry so much I am not saying you are wrong with your advice at all but am finding it very hard

What kind of a mess are you thinking he could end up in?

It's time he learns there are consequences for actions. Have you always bailed him out and smoothed out life for him?

In all honesty I suppose I have

What about his getting into a mess? What mess?

Well for instance if he can't get enough work to support himself and he ends up on the streets

Well for instance if he can't get enough work to support himself and he ends up on the streets
Your first impulse will be to rescue him somehow. What do you think he will do if you don't do or say anything at all, just ignore the situation??

Hi Mom, all above there are right. You have done your job by making him understand what he is doing ! Now it is time for him to realize what is the value of "FAMILY". Just keep an eye whether he is fine or not but don't just go to him to call him back until he respects you and your husband.

Hi guys really appreciate thus help in all honesty not sure what he would do if I didn't contact him or did anything?

You are welcome. Just keep an eye on him, and don't worry. He is not a kid, mom.

Hi guys really appreciate thus help in all honesty not sure what he would do if I didn't contact him or did anything?
Could you take that step back and wait? Would you be strong enough to establish that boundary? It would be very [what?] ------

I call it initiating tough love. You will always be a mom but this is the time to NOT contact him, as he is probably just waiting for you to do so to throw more crap your way. Cut the apron strings, he will be fine I am sure, let him stew a bit and think about the situation he is in.

' I have always been over protective I admit'

And that is a big reason why he is this way. Not all of it, and it isn't a matter of blame but of explanation. Each parent is some type of parent, so try not to feel bad, but keep the realization in your mind while you let your husband be the decisive one now.

Think of it this way: You can coddle him at home forever, and he can end up dead or on the streets anyway, from drugs or suicide or who knows what. Why? From feelings of worthlessness, and watching his peers have careers and families. From misdirected anger at you and your husband, because he hates himself for being dependent on you. YOU CANNOT PROTECT AN ADULT CHILD!!!

He will never stop being your child, and you will always want things to go well for him, but you do need to allow him to find his own way, even if that sometimes means finding out the hard way. Right now, he is getting an idea of the consequences some of his choices can bring, and that is a good thing.

He is living with a friend, so not on the street. Odds are, this friend will ask for some help with rent, electric, something, and your son will gain another lesson. He apparently managed while living and working abroad, so he can do so here.

Perhaps he is angry at his own choices, and wishes he had made different ones sooner. His frustration on not being in a better position at his age possibly is causing him to be angry with everyone else as well.

Remind him that you love and care about him, and that you know he can take care of himself (as he has shown living abroad). He now knows what needs to change to be back in your home. Let him be stubborn about it and give it some thought for awhile. Chances are, as he sorts himself out with work and goals, he will sort himself out with his behavior as well.

Why cN I not continue this thread?

Oh it's OK now I have got up this morning felling weak and I'll again you all gave me so much strength yesterday . I am tempted to email him to tell him the door us always open when he is ready to talk to me and my husband is this me just cracking?

You are continuing it.

My thought... If sending him an email telling him that you love him dearly, that you have faith in his ability to set goals and follow through, and that your home is welcome to him when he has given some thought to his part in situation, than fine, but then let it go at that.

It will give you a bit of closure on the matter and then leave it up to him from then on. He'll know that he is not cut off, but that he needs to show some responsibility.

Just be matter of fact, short and to the point. You and your husband have no doubt helped him out over the years, recently allowed him a place to stay for several months, and his rudeness and disrespect are not welcome. He is an adult, and you would expect him to demonstrate respectful behavior, especially when you have been helping him out.

Thanks for your response anyone else got any thoughts in this just frightened of making a mistake by doing this but yes do feel it might help me to just send it to him

Sorry not sure what you mean by say continuing it? Sorry could you expand on that please ?

Did you mean continuing the mothering? You nay be right but feel it might just help me to be stronger knowing that I have told him I live him and when he is ready to change and come and speak to me and my husband together about things the door is open? What do you think?

You are continuing it.
Would you come back to me with your expanded thoughts please

Please understand that we are all volunteers here. We take time out of our busy days/nights to answer questions without compensation.

Now, with that said... I don't have an issue with you sending your son an email, you just don't want it to be sappy and apologetic. Your son has been taking advantage of you for way too long and it's time to get a backbone and stand up for yourself.

He has been mooching off of you, and has been disrespectful, for far too long. He is almost 30 years old for crying out loud.

For reference, I am a mother of two sons about your son's age. I feel for you, I really do. However, you can't let him to continue to walk all over you. He lived abroad for a while so he knows what it is like to be on his own, however, it is easier to live off someone he knows he can take advantage of. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself, you should be pi$$ed off that he put you in this position. He is manipulating you and he knows it.

Where I am from, the deep south of the U.S. you respect your mother, you don't take advantage of her.


the door us always open when he is ready to talk to me and my husband Better yet, you tell him the door is always open when he is ready to follow the rules that you and your husband set aside. If he is not willing to follow those rules, he is not welcome.

You have to take some perspective on this, because you can't see the benefit of what your husband is doing.

We aren't talking about a 16 year old who needs tough love here. We're talking about a perfectly capable man, who makes his own decisions, because he is a man now.

What you are actually doing is enabling bad behavior, and not only that, you are, by your own actions (wanting him back in the family home) preventing him from growing up, and being held accountable, because he is an adult. What lesson are you teaching him, by allowing his bad behavior to continue.

He needs to grow up, and you are not letting him.

Your husband is very, very right to do what he did. He could have called the police and had your son charged, but instead booted his sorry butt out, and quite without any trouble at all, your son was able to find another place to live.

If you don't let him grow up now, while he still has a chance to turn his life around because he is young, when are you going to allow him to grow up?

Thanks so much for your help I just need to keep getting confirmation that what I am doing is right. I find it very hard so I think will have to keep coming back for help with this.

Why keep feeding your own fear and worry about your grown child who may be muddling along finding his own path (like we all did). Your kids are grown, let them keep growing, and you grow out of that fear by building a great life around what YOU enjoy, not around the constant worry about them.

It's a helluva transition from a parent/child relationship,to a more balanced healthy one between adult parents and ADULT kids, and it never happens if you both cannot grow and have MUTUAL respect, and love.

Geez mom, you can't even love and enjoy them as adults, until you accept them as adults and let them be adults, making their own mistakes and finding their own solutions, and wiping their own booboo's. It also seems you need to remove that wedge between you and your husband, so you can enjoy all the fruits of your own labor, so let go of your fear and worry and get a life.

Not to be harsh or judgemental, but problems with other adults are best resolved by leaving them alone to do their own thing their way, so give your son at least that much respect. Hard as it is for you, he is probably enjoying his independence and freedom and your fears and worry are for nothing. He will be okay, and you have never been able to control him anyway. Why do you think you can NOW?

Be grateful you have adult kids, but enjoy your partner to the max, as it would be a darn shame to ruin THAT relationship trying to hold onto kids that are GONE from the nest.

Thanks for that I was feeling bad this morning and it's given me a kick up the bottom . I have left him to it and not been in touch but it's a massive transition for me and I find it very hard.

It is a tough transition for most of us trust me, but it's a rewarding process if you do good things for yourself and your husband, and if I read right, you have a good relationship with your other kids, so you have plenty of other good things to focus on while this works itself out.

Its quite a challenge though. Easier if you focus on the good and not feed the fear, and I can safely say that kids will drive you NUTS forever.

But I am doing the right thing stepping away right ? I don't in all honesty think I have any other option as I have tried everything else xxx

You are doing the right thing, and like I stated before, you have to intiate 'tough love'. Keep your spirit up and believe in yourself.

Yes, you are doing the right thing. It's time to cut the umbilical cord and let him stand on his own two feet.

Backing off is absolutely the right thing and you will feel better when you focus on the good things you CAN control.

I am having a real wobble this morning feel like I'm a bad mum please help with some more encouragement I am crying while writing this

Get a grip on yourself. I can see where the problem is really and how he tied you around his finger for so long.

... Cyber Hug... ��

He knows that you love him, right? He knows that he needs to take responsibility for his behaviour, right? He knows what the expectations are, right? He knows how to make decisions and take care of himself, right?

If you can answer yes, he knows these things either because he has been told, shown, or has demonstrated them, then you can be confident that you are doing the right thing.

You haven't cut him off, you have only made your expectations of him known. It is now his choice to either accept that or not... which he will likely do in time.

I can honestly say yes to all if those questions and if he is honest he should yes yes to then all.

Again, you are doing the right thing. At this point, I think counseling might be in order.

He is a 30 year old grown man. Mum, he is a big boy and can take car of himself. I would understand your pain more if he were 16 and putting you through this, but at his age most people are married with families. They no longer depend on their mothers.

Just curious if you have seen a doctor for your "wobbles"? What else could be going on in your life that makes you so stuck on the life of an adult? Could this be just a symptom of another issue you are having?

Regardless it takes time to adjust physically, mentally, and emotionally to life changing events once we have accepted we have little or no control over others. No understanding shoulder to cry on? No sympathetic friends?

I have seen doc am on anti depressants also having counselling. I have always been there for all my children and just feel I am letting him down not being there for him even though I know it's the right thing to do. Made even worse by the fact the Christmas is fast approaching. But that said I don't feel I have any other option.

Of course you have MANY other options. None involve him though. Hard to let go, and hard to accept he doesn't need you to be there for him as you have always been, and still want to be. How old are you? Do you work? What's your social life like? Friends and family besides your kids? Grandkids?

Holidays are tough for all of us who don't have the luxury of planning that big family get together, with all our chicks around for us to cluck over and fuss about. Doesn't mean we can't plan and enjoy those we do have. I am sure you, and your husband are making a plan, right?

I can't bear to talk about Christmas as the moment. I just don't sang him to feel alone or a afraid I'm rubbish aren't I ?

Am 58 work in a beautiful clothes shop. Friends good and other family supportive. The fact that he may not be there for Christmas us not a problem as he wasn't when he was abroad but worry about him feeling sad and unhappy

Mum, you are letting him down if you let him come back home. He needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet and respect others. You are letting him down if you don't make him do this.

Do you remember when he was little and about to take his first step? Remember how scary that felt to let go and let him take that step? This is really no different except for the fact that he is an adult now and can think for himself. It's you that has to let go, just like you did so many years ago.

I think you are more dependent on him than he is on you, and that is a problem.

That's the point everyone has been trying to make. Just because he isn't in your eyesight smiling and happy doesn't mean he isn't smiling and happy so get that sourpuss picture out of your mind, and do something good for yourself or someone else, like your husband.

Where the heck does this notion he isn't happy without your help even come from?

You are fretting about this son. I hope that doesn't mean you are neglecting the other child because of this child's issue.

No I am not neglecting the other children I promise. This worry I have is really not for me it's for him honestly. I don't depend on him at all but I know he can be very vulnerable and the thought of him spending time on his own over Christmas worries me as it's his favourite time if year. Also I know deep down he will at times be feeling sad and that makes me very sad. I cannot get rid if this churned up feeling inside.

I have been thinking about this it's not a case really of letting him go is it? I happily let him go abroad to various places because I knew he was happy and wanted to do that. In this case it's different it's the horrible circumstances that surround this and the fact that I can't seem to put this right? There is this conflict and I can't do anything and it makes me very sad.

There comes a time, and it is different for everyone, when you come to terms with the idea that you don't have control over your child's happiness. They make choices in their life sometimes that we wish they would have done differently. You can suggest, advise, hint to them all that you want, but they will need to follow their own path... and it may not always be what you would have chosen for them.

You have to trust that what you taught him years ago, as he was growing up, will be in the back of his mind and it will guide at least some of his decisions in life. You can't always be the safety net that you would like to be, as it can get in the way of him landing on his own two feet and finding out that he can stand on his own, even if he has to take a few falls to realise it!

You have let him go, in a way, but not in the sense of abandonment. You are letting him go so that he can learn that he can do this without needing the safety net and that choices in life bring consequences, good and bad.

Think of it as just another stage of growing up. You had plenty of times earlier where you let him have more and more freedom and responsibility; this is the same thing. Now you are giving him the opportunity to be an adult in the fullest sense of the word.

What lovely advice thanks very much for that

I have been thinking about this it's not a case really of letting him go is it? I happily let him go abroad to various places because I knew he was happy and wanted to do that. In this case it's different it's the horrible circumstances that surround this and the fact that I can't seem to put this right? There is this conflict and I can't do anything and it makes me very sad.

I think you are still holding on to those feelings you had when the conflict happened and just keep re-feeling them again. Perhaps you don't know how to let those feelings go, or at least what to do when they come to the surface. Its okay to cry for a time, but not okay to dwell on them so long it affects you so adversely. Over time the crying and dwelling should be less as you figure out ways to move beyond this temporary funk.

How long have you been in counselling for this? I cannot imagine you have not been given tools to deal with your feelings, so my question is do you use them? Have you established and put into practice a routine for dealing with these feelings? The worst thing you can do is feed self pity and wallow in it as a form of punishment for some perceived failure on your part.

In that case you need to learn to forgive yourself for NOT being able to fix this conflict so you can move beyond it. I have seen much suffering when we cannot forgive ourselves, and quit trying to come up with a fix for our conflicts. I perfectly understand not wanting to give up, but the problem in this case you are NOT even remotely responsible for your son's happiness, or saving him from tough responsibility of his own actions.

I venture this would be much easier on you if he would give you a regular progress report on his happiness (which is probably all you want from him in the first place) because I think what you seek is the reassurance he is okay, rather than just have faith that he is. Yes mom, he has survived this trauma without you, so it is time to accept it and stop making this such a big deal.

He probably wasn't as traumatized as YOU were. Write him a long letter and get it all out, put it away for a while, and go back and read it and then burn it. Do this every time you get that sad wobble and feel bad for your son. Keeping a journal of your feelings for examination later at a less emotional time may help you, or get your meds adjusted. OR BOTH. It's a process, finding the right balance, and there are no quick fixes just resolutions to be adjusted as needed.

For some the PROCESS is longer than for others, but it does get better with time. You cannot rush your own healing. Or ignore your own limits. But you are correct in that you have no other options but get control of YOURSELF. For sure you won't get your way.

Thanks for those lovely words also

Oh and only has one counselling session another one next week

Not a good night last night. My youngest son said he had seen Luke and he is really struggling for money for rent and food. Luke told him not to tell me but he did. This really upset me and I wanted to go out today and buy him some food. My husband said no I wasn't to do that he has been told we want him to be in our family and the door is open when he is ready to change. By doing that I would be giving the wrong message. It is so hard! Is he right?

Even worse day to day so worried apparently he has about reached his overdraft limit. I am worried out if my mind?

Keep in mind that he was living on his own abroad. What did he do to cover his expenses at that time? What was he doing while living abroad? If he was able to do so then, he can do so now. Do you know if he is working? Even at a take away, he can earn some money.

Yes. Your husband is right. You cannot enable your son. Most people at his age have families and stable jobs. Your son does not. It is time he learns to take care of himself, and for us parents, sometimes that is hard.

Mom, is there a chance he is addicted to drugs or alcohol?

This is a tough time of year for many parents. The holidays are among us and we don't want our children to be alone. However, this is the path your son has chosen. Just as when he was a child, and you were teaching home some of life's lessons, so is the same now. There are consequences to his choices. To properly learn that lesson, he must live with the consequence to this choice. He chose to disrespect you. He has been given the opportunity to return home should he follow the rules, but he chose not to.

Stand your ground and let him learn this lesson. You might talk to your counselor this week and tell him/her you need more frequent sessions to get through this.

Even worse day to day so worried apparently he has about reached his overdraft limit. I am worried out if my mind?

We all have done that and survived. Stop feeding your worries mom, as he will eventually figure it out. I think you just like to worry and fuss over your kids, especially this one, and have done it so long that you find it difficult not too. I get that, but at some point you have to get control of yourself, and RESPECT his right to try, fail, and regroup.

Yes he has some promo work about 3/4 days each week but the employment situation in our area is not good. I just find it do hard. He did have a drug problem about 5 years ago but we got him sorted out not on drugs now for sure. I am a worrier I know but find it so hard not to worry about him and his future. Maybe if he had a more regular job and was in a relationship it might be easier. Thanks again for your words I do get strength from them

I find it interesting you do not TRUST, and RELY on your husbands ACTIONS? For now that would be such an easy thing to do to follow his lead until you can work to be more OBJECTIVE, just because you KNOW you need to.

You must be patient with the process, and I realize how difficult that is. It will get better eventually though it doesn't seem like it now. For now when the worry about your son rises, physically get up and do something good for yourself, or your husband, or focus on a simple task until its completed. In this way you will drain the worry energy and make it productive energy. It's a way to hug YOURSELF and feel a bit better.

Practice that and then you will act on things you CAN control (YOU), and not dwell on the things you CANNOT control (YOUR SON). I am sure as you get more sessions in with your counsellor/therapist, these are the tools of Good Orderly Direction you will be guided too.

Feed the positive, starve the negative.

Peedles... I may have missed it, but do you work outside the home? If not, would that be something that you might consider, even part-time? Or perhaps volunteer work? Do you have friends that you visit or do things with? Any sort of activities that you enjoy? Something new that you have always wanted to learn to do?

What I am getting at is that having other things to occupy your time and thoughts with may be helpful. Focusing more on you and things that you like to do, or plan something fun to do with your husband, will be a benefit. Start having regular dates for example. You can each take turns planning something to do, even just going for walk, or visiting another town near by for the day.

Now, as your children are getting more independent, is the time to start focusing more on you and on your relationship with your husband.

Your children will benefit from seeing you being engaged in outside activities, enjoying life, and keeping your mind and body active. It is a great life lesson for them to see.

I see the OP walking around the house, wringing her hands and working herself into a lather over this adult. This is not a good psychological profile to even consider. OP doesn't seem to be moving forward to a better mindset in spite of all of the 'bolstering' she is getting here. We are her crutch so to speak and she is leaning too much on it and not looking ahead to focusing on anyone else, or anything else in her future. There are a lot of moms here, I am one too, we all worry about our kids but, you and I have other day to day activities and full time jobs to take us away from any worry, for the time being, and to say the least turn our minds to other things for the next day and the next.

Doula is right in suggesting something outside the home to occupy her mind; a distraction does wonders to promote a healthy outlook, which she does not have, as far as I can see therefore her son is taking up ALL of her thoughts, and I know from what she has posted that he does have problems, but he is an adult nonethless.

The OP does work and has friends and is seeing a therapist. She is just early in the process, and is reaching out for hugs and support.


I have seen doc am on anti depressants also having counselling. I have always been there for all my children and just feel I am letting him down not being there for him even though I know it's the right thing to do. Made even worse by the fact the Christmas is fast approaching. But that said I don't feel I have any other option.


I can't bear to talk about Christmas as the moment. I just don't sang him to feel alone or a afraid I'm rubbish aren't I ?

Am 58 work in a beautiful clothes shop. Friends good and other family supportive. The fact that he may not be there for Christmas us not a problem as he wasn't when he was abroad but worry about him feeling sad and unhappy

Some do take longer than others to get to that better place, and indeed the process may take years, and there are no quick fixes,or instant feel good successes.

It's easier said than done, FOR SURE. Thats the problem with long posts though, much can be lost and forgotten. :)

Please don't leave me

No worries :)

Thank you - am back to see the therapist this evening. I really need this help right now please continue with this much needed and appreciated help.

Oh and yes as posted I do work and do other things but this worry is always with me.

Went to see the therapist last night and she says their policy is to always leave communication lines open. Not sure if we have done that? We sent him an e mail last week to say the door is open if fe wants to come and talk to us and make some changes but we are not in contact other than that. His dad did meet up with him also 3 weeks ago but he said he wouldn't change. Oh dear your thoughts would be appreciated?

You can not control his communication, All you can do, is allow him to email you or message you, as long as those communications are not being done, merely to harm you. I may disagree with the therapist to a point, if the one party is trying to control or use fear to gain advantage, communication has to end, until the other person is willing to be honest in communication.

A few weeks without communication is really nothing, the idea is, to allow communication, if and when he is ready. That may take a month, or it may take 6 months, only time will tell that.

I set the belongings of my son, in bags on the porch of my home once time, He had a drug issue and was not working, and bring people with weapons into my home. He did not talk to me for almost 9 months. He lived in his car for about 3 and with friends other times.

Later, he found there was no free ride and even friends would not pay his way for long.

He decided to do better. And proved it on his own before, I helped, I would not merely take his word, but wanted to see actions.

Then, I still did not let him back into my home, but I help pay for a small one room apartment to let him get established on his own.

He went back and got his GED, and started working. He now drives for one of the delivery companies and has a good job.

You have to be tough, and know that he has to suffer some, to really want to change, now, he will be trying to use you and get too you. Only after he comes to understand, he is wrong, will real change happen

Went to see the therapist last night and she says their policy is to always leave communication lines open. Not sure if we have done that? We sent him an e mail last week to say the door is open if fe wants to come and talk to us and make some changes but we are not in contact other than that. His dad did meet up with him also 3 weeks ago but he said he wouldn't change. Oh dear your thoughts would be appreciated?

Oh, heavens. What can we say that we have not already said?

About keeping lines of communication open. You have this lines open, your son chooses not to communicate. Your son said he wouldn't change. Than he won't change. At least not until he hits rock bottom.

Peedles, I'm not sure what you expect from us, but our advice is now becoming repetitious. None of our advice has changed, nor will it. I have said it before, and this is the last time I will say it. It is time you cut the umbilical cord. He is a big boy mom, he can take care of himself. He has no one to blame if he falls flat on his face except for himself.

As an FYI, I have been in a similar position with my 27 year old son. We now have a wonderful relationship and he says it is because his father and I gave him no choice but to face the consequences to his actions.

Peedles, if you continue down this path you are going to ruin the holidays for your other 2 children. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get off the pity pot.

You think or feel he is going to change greatly, very quickly, you need to be ready for weeks and maybe months of almost no contact.

You sent the email, and let it go, just wait now, till he is ready,

Thanks

I went almost a year with no contact from my son who is now 27. I had a choice.. Wallow in self pity or put on my big girl panties and give attention to my other 3 children. Guess what I chose?

Peedles, your son may be on a self-destructive path, but so are you. You can't spend all of your energy just on this one son. Sometimes it's just best to let go, no matter how hard it is. There are others in your family who need you. If you continue this pity party you may find yourself alone with no husband and no contact from your children. Most people don't want to be with negative people.

I know you can find it in yourself to be strong. You have a backbone, you just need to find it.

If you are not on medication, it might get time to consider it. If you are, it might be time to talk to your prescriber about changing it.

Lastly, I for one, will no longer respond to your negativity. When you have something positive to post, please do so and I will respond accordingly. I would rather reward positive behavior than perpetuate negative behavior.

Peedles, let him learn to big boy. If he falls down he will be the resposible because he is not a kid anymore. I hope you have gotten your advice, and you'll not get any negativity in your mind. Be brave and let him learn for his good only.