I know this seems like an (un)popular subject but here goes-
I've been together with my girl for a little over a year and a haf and this last week had THE TALK. She says that she doesn't have the spark/chemistry in our relationship and that she loves me but isn't in love. That she know I'm the only one she's ever been comfortable with and she knows that she can count on me for anything. There were a lot of things we discussed during the talk, she feels like I'm too secretative when it comes to financial issues (which I have been) and that she doesn't have her own identity - which I agree with. No true friends of her own. I'm pretty much all she really identifies with. But from the beginning of our dating SHE was always the one who was needy and kind of controlling. Anyway I asked that we try to pull back on our relationship instead of just ending it, and that the space/break would be good. She agreed. But here's the rub, she still calls me and we had to meet the other day just briefly and she hugged and kissed me and sometimes says I love you. All this after she said that she doesn't know what our status is and for me to not wait for her. To complicate matters she has a ton of her personal stuff at my apartment (because we we're looking into living together - again something she always wanted more). Is she just confused? She's younger than me 14 years but has always been more mature for her age. I'm at a loss. I don't want to just not call her back when she calls me- I'm not about games. Please help - suggestions?

As far as her stuff goes I think you should give it back to her and tell her that since it's her stuff she needs to hold onto it at this time. That's fair and honest for the both of you.

I think since she told you not to wait for you, you should act as though you've broke up. I'm not sure I would say it's permanent but if you wait for her or at her beck and call then it's not going to work.

I think at this point you have to not call her back when she calls you. Because by her own admission her spark for you is gone. If you talking to her in any capacity that spark will continue to be dead. But if you gone and out of her life the spark might reignight because she starts thinking about you in your absence and starts missing you. I'm not saying that's a guarantee but it's your best option at this time.

This is where my girlfriend and I are now - in her own words.

We are taking a little break but we are still talking and stuff. We aren't talking as much and we do our own thing during the week. I also don't sleep over his house anymore. I just don't know what I want. Who does know, anyway?

We spent the Easter holiday together and we still kiss when we part/depart. A little hand holding and arm locking. TOTALLY confused.

You really need to talk and define the terms of this little break so you both know where you stand.

But I really don't think she knows how she feels about us right now. She just graduated from college, trying to figure out her career, she really only has us - she's really trying to find her way/identity.

Just talk to them and just say that I'm confused about our relationship.

We are taking a little break but we are still talking and stuff.

If your so confused, and she is confused, you should talk about it, and see what she means about a break. To do anything else will leave you confused, and by my way of thinking where there is no communication, there is no relationship.


We spent the Easter holiday together and we still kiss when we part/depart. A little hand holding and arm locking. TOTALLY confused.

Instead of holding hands and kissing, ask her what the heck this break stuff is about.

Well today is the first day she didn't call - and I didn't call her, we've been together for over a year and a half. What does this mean in our relationship?

It means you have to give her what she wants... a break.

I shouldn't call her either? I feel like if I don't that it's playing games we've never been about that.

If you stay together, you are going to develop rituals (things that you do) in your relationship. Some of them will remain the same. All are subject to change. One day without a phone call is not going to kill you.

Communicating is paramount to a relationship. And, it does take practice for both parties in a relationship. It is one of the building blocks for the relationship to develop and continue into the future. Can't read people's minds. Also, can't control their actions.

Sounds like she needs a break. And, frankly, maybe you do too. Remember, that you are both at the stage in life where you need to be carving out your niche in the world - learning, abilities, skills, job possibilities, etc.

Communication. You might want to start by saying something like the following: "Hey! I'm really having a problem with something, and I hope that you can help me with it." "Do you think that we should talk? Because, I'm not sure what you mean by this break stuff." Puts the ball in her court and makes her feel good because she is helping you.

i shouldn't call her either? i feel like if i don't that it's playing games we've never been about that.

You're the one confused at this point my friend and since you can't come up with the right way to deal with it leave her alone, rather than stumble and fail.
If you can't talk, and define this break, and no what it is she means you will stay confused. Reread this thread and the advice given to get your answers.
Instead of holding hands, you should be talking and listening. And ask directly what she means by a break! That would have been my first question when she brought up this break stuff.
Otherwise leave her alone.

Well she calls this morning and wants to take a walk with me this evening - hang out.

Is this a good thing? I feel like it is.

This is where my girlfriend and I are now - in her own words.

We are taking a little break but we are still talking and stuff. We aren't talking as much and we do our own thing during the week. I also don't sleep over his house anymore. I just don't know what I want. Who does know, anyways?

We spent the Easter holiday together and we still kiss when we part/depart. A little hand holding and arm locking. TOTALLY confused.
Don't want to sound negative but that's where me and my ex started to go wrong! You need to talk to her find out the real reasons, possible could be spending too much time together!
Think about it!
Good luck mate!

UPDATE -
So here's what's going on now. A couple of Friday's ago we went out for dinner (had a great time) and ended the night with a passionate kiss.

This last weekend she had a girl's weekend with her sister - something she hasn't done in a long time and we saw each other briefly on Sunday.

I don't have any idea what I'm doing - we hold hands and kiss lightly and we still hang out (just no overnights). I don't want to fall into the "friend" category, yet I'm giving her space. Should I try to have another "talk" with her and see where we're at? Or will this put too much pressure on her?

Just give it time, going through a similar situation now, I talk to her friend most days and she says "just hang in there give her space"! Put it this way if she didn't want you she would'nt be kissing you and holding hands!
Let me know how it goes!
Good luck!

I don't have any idea what I'm doing

That's because your doing as your told, and have yet bothered to define the terms of this so called break up. All I've been saying is you two haven't bothered to communicate, so now you let her set the whole pace for how it goes. Get off your arse here, and ask her point blank what the hells going on. Are you so blind not to know your moving backwards?? When a woman cuts you off, and still is affectionate its called control, so find out what the truth is.

We have defined the terms.
She still calls me and we get together for dinner and stuff and we do things together. Neither of us are trying to see other people, she told her friend (girl) who is also a mutual friend of mine that we get along a lot better now that we don't see each other every day-waking moment. I understand relationships are supposed to progress - I just want things to be the way they were before. And I do understand that it could be a control thing but she doesn't play games. She'll call me a lot and even say that it was she that asked for the break- confusion city.

So I drove by her house last night and she saw my car drive by - was this a bad move on my part? She thought I was going to stop by but I didn't.

She asked me if I did and I said yes. Was this a major foul-up on my part?

My girlfriend of almost 2 years has broken up with me because she can't grow as a person as long as she depends on me for so much. She only has work and had our relationship- no friends where I have lots of friends. She is also confused as to what direction her life is going. I am her best friend-she told me and her mother also told me this, and I want to be there for her but at the same time she doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship.
She is 22 and just finished college where I am 35 but am in no rush to put pressure on her as far as marriage, things like that.

It's only been about a week and I'm having a real hard time with this. What do I do?
Should I still be friends with her in the hopes that we will eventually be together again?

Thanks.

I am sure you can relate to where she needs to find herself. So let her do it. As you have a life then move on with it, and leave her alone. Look out for your own happiness because she is looking for hers and there is no way to tell what she will decide. So let her call you when she is ready, and make sure your doing your own thing. Why wait on maybe??

You do nothing.

You move on.

Maybe one day she will be ready or maybe not. It is not your problem now.

What you need to do is leave her alone and move on.

Like Tal said, do not wait on a maybe. That is not living your own life.

Joe

We go to the same church, should I stop going? And if I am her best friend - which she says I am is it wrong to just leave her alone? Shouldn't I "fight" for our love?

It's so hard to know what to do, especially when your heart does the thinking.
Thanks for the advice.

How do push the one and only best-friend you have away, especially when you know that person has been your rock and that you can always rely/depend on them?

Righthearted]We go to the same church, should I stop going? And if I am her best friend - which she says I am is it wrong to just leave her alone? Shouldn't I "fight" for our love?
She is confused so you can't take what she says as absolute, and no contact does not mean not being sociable. You can be nice and be brief. Also read the other threads to know what happens when you fight for your love. It always pushes them further away and your left more confused, and even more heartbroken.

It's so hard to know what to do, especially when your heart does the thinking.
Thanks for the advice
That's the whole point of NO CONTACT, it allows you to get over the emotional trauma of a break up, and get healthy so you can make decisions based on the facts, and not the feelings. Yes this is a hard period in your life, so get healthy, and build a life that you enjoy without her. Its the process of healing, and as you get healthy you will feel better, and deal with things on a better level.

How do push the one and only best-friend you have away, especially when you know that person has been your rock and that you can always rely/depend on them?

Not how, but why. She is confused, and not focused on you or your feelings. The only thing she cares about is how she feels right now. This is something you must accept.

"I feel like this is the best thing for us right now. Daniel and I had some problems in our relationship and I honestly just could not see us moving forward together. It was a really hard decision to make and I truly feel like I lost my best friend, but at the same time I feel a sense of freedom now. Daniel was such a big part of my life. He was all I knew. I am going through a huge transition now that I am done with school. I am trying to figure out what I want to do and who I want to be and I just feel like I need to do that for me before I can settle down with someone else. Daniel has 14 years of life experience that I don't have which I think he forgot sometimes. I just feel like I need some me time. In college I had a plan and now that I am out of college and things aren't going quite as planned I feel a little lost. I told Daniel I needed space, and it was really hard for him to hear. I care about him so much and I never meant to hurt him. I do need time to be my own person though."

What do I do?! Should I contact her in a couple weeks or wait for her to contact me.

You should maintain no contact and let yourself heal. I assume this is a lette she wrote you??


I do need time to be my own person though."


What part of no contact has you confused here?

You do nothing.

You move on.

Maybe one day she will be ready or maybe not. It is not your problem now.

What you need to do is leave her alone and move on.

Like Tal said, do not wait on a maybe. That is not living your own life.

Joe

Some people do not get it when they read it the first time, so here is it again.

What do I do?!? Should I contact her in a couple weeks or wait for her to contact me.

Neither...

Move on, get busy with yourself.

Its okay to think about her calling you in the future, but certainly do not wait for her to do so. You said yourself, and so did she, she wants space, and she wants 'me' time. Calling her and talking to her isn't exactly giving her what she asked of you.

Your best option is to move on, as hard as it may be. We all know how difficult it is, but it is necessary, and is most certainly possible. The best thing you can do for yourself, and for her, is to give her what she asks. Give her all the space she needs.

She wants time on her own and realises that she wants to meet someone new and begin another life with someone her age. My Ex was 22 with her 3 years she said exactly the same thing. They decide they are at a certain stage in there life and they were relying on you to be there during the tough times but well you were a bit used sorry to say. Im 28 my girlfriend loved me completely and was thinkiong how we could be together but just decided and said she need to be on her own. The simple factvis your girl has realised its time for her to be her own person and that means not include you. Sorry to say but she's gone now and won't be back. The girls need time and well she pretty much wants to start fressh new job new guy new life. Sorry for the heartbreak I'm still in denial and my heart is broken but she wants to have her own life. I have also heard that line of you have so much life experience and I don't yet I got fed that as well its just a load of crap. Don't believe much of what she says one of the simplest reasons is she is not in love with you. Sorry to say it but she just doesn't feel it cause if she did she wouldn't be dumping you...

We didn't really have tough times and I don't think I was used- she was the one from the beginning that really moved quickly. And our problems were mostly my lack of opening up to her and my secretive nature (not wanting to burden her with my problems)- but I told her that I would work on it.

She said she felt she was losing her best friend, and I want to be there for her as her friend, specifically because she has no friends.

This is my last email -
Kari,
You truly are the most amazing person I have ever met, you have a huge
Heart and you have such a capacity for love. Your inner strength and
Your strong willed attitude shines through in so much that you do.
It's what made me fall in love with you and it's why I will always
Cherish the time we spent together.

I know you said that you aren't IN love with me and that you have to
Work on things for yourself - by yourself and I understand that. I
Want so much for you to be happy- that's all I ever wanted. I just
Wish that it was something that we could get through and work on
Together. I also wish that I had opened up to you more than I did, you
Know me so well-more than anyone else in the world, and if you felt
Like I wasn't open about something in the past you should have just
Smacked me upside the head and told me, that's what I really needed -
But I guess you already knew that. I read an email that you wrote me
Back in Feb' 06 about trusting you and being open I should have taken
That more to heart. I would do anything now to make things right
Between us - I'd even sing to you at the top of my lungs if you can
Believe that.

Well, I don't know what else to say right now - I do know that you are
My best friend and even though I have lost your love I want you to
Know that you can always count on me- for anything.

I will always love you and will always be there for you,

Dan ~

Do nothing disappear. Don't answer any calls don't send any texts DO NOTHINGGGG!!

Be the mystery Man and vanish, people can't believe when your gone, if she really likes you she will call and if not you can call in a couple of weeks if you want and be the fun guy nothing serious, just say hay what you up too...

She will most likely text or do something just don't be there for her, id say urve been smothering her lately and been all over her women hate that. Give her space and let her miss you...

Do you folks think that flowers would be out of the question in a couple of weeks - just to say hi. Not roses, just something Springy.

OMG, you do not get it.

She's made her choice. That choice is without you. Concentrate on you! Your friends, family and life. Its not your problem anymore, she needs to develop as a person, find new friends expand her life, see what is out there.

I feel like that right now - I am 21. I want to see the world, see what life is all about, to meet new people etc. At 35 years old it's a bit to 'late' to be worrying what a 22 year old girl wants, she's young, wants a life, not dedication and commitment. You need to find what you want with someone else, I am sure there are plenty of others out there. Time will heal you and who knows you may become good friends again. Abide by NC and face up to the cold hard facts.

I get your point, but why can't I be there for her.

Do you believe in - if you love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be.

Righthearted]I get your point, but why can't I be there for her.
Did she ask you to be? Your to eager to be there because you think she will take you back, and that is a dangerous notion, as your not giving her the space she needs, and you need to leave her completely alone until you can accept that you need a life without her. You must let go and move on.

Do you believe in - if you love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be

So set her free and leave her alone, or for sure she will get tired of you pestering her. If she comes back it must be on her own, so set her free already.

Spread rep again tali :(

Right hearted at the age of 35 surely you have learnt from life already? Maybe not. She's 22 common get a grip. As tali said she would have asked if she wanted you to be there for her and she will contact you if she needs you. She has split up with you for a reason, its hard but you will get through it. This may help you:

Read over the board and read past questions and advice! If she says she doesn't want you then:

Its time to accept the harsh truth and start the transition to single life. Its hard but whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? More wary in the future and aware what we are looking for in a relationship and a person.

Treat your relationship as a life experience, you might not be able to treasure the memories you had right now but one day you will. Do not regret but learn and move on, as someone much better is just around the next corner.

You must try follow these: (be strong)

1) Abide by no contact, ignorance is bliss so don't go near the 'grape vine'
2) Work on yourself entirely - hobbies, work, gym
3) Ever wanted to do something in your life? Nows the time
4) Spend more time with your friends and family and renew old social ties
5) Box every memory away and stay away from your fav songs for now - when you can look at it without feeling ill - Ur halfway there!
6) Time does heal :P It just takes a god dam while, but don't mope at home, go out, party, exercise - helps a hell of a lot

You don't need anyone to be happy.

The best revenge is to be happy yourself :]

I am giving her space, haven't made contact in 4 days and will go another week- but I might see her at church (and if we see each other at church? That's another thing everyone in our church knew we were a couple and now if we don't sit together people will notice.) it's just so damned hard. I'm so afraid that she'll meet someone new and I know that's not why we broke up.

Well go to another church? Meet new people, new friends, new way of life!

i'm so afraid that she'll meet someone new.



Come the relaization that it is over rite now, because that is exactly what she is going to do.I'm finely coming to terms that yes she is going to be with someone else and it sucks because I can't picture her with anybody but me. I loved her, but I don't even want her back if she comes back again. So move on your 35 like me, and were not getting any younger.

Just one last thing - after I sent her the email about how I felt - I posted it here. She didn't even respond and I can't figure out why.

Just one last thing - after I sent her the email about how I felt - I posted it here. she didn't even respond and i can't figure out why.

Who cares why. It is over.

Joe

Because she has moved on and so should you! I told my ex about 3 weeks ago to leave me alone FOREVER and there are things that are becoming so clearer that she did and said to hurt me. I feel like a damn idot now but I'm so stronger now then I was a month ago. And yes I still miss her but and don't want to be friends with someone who used me. And if you do NC you will also start to heal and clear your head and you may not want her back IF she comes back.

My girlfriend and I broke up about a week ago because she needs to figure out who she is - career, friends, identity all up in the air for her right now. It's because of this that I believe she broke up with me. We were together for almost 2 years - and we even talked about marriage, we were practically living together (I never put any pressure on her) . She's younger than I am, just graduated from college last year.

Anyway it's been a little over a week now and she hasn't called/contacted me - my question is and I know I have to give her space, but how long should I wait before contacting her to see how she's doing?

Thanks - for any advice.

Let her contact you. She said she needed space so give her all the space she needs and she will contact you when and if she is ready.

Don't wait to long. A week or maybe 3 is long enough. If you guys are sill in love and your relationship is worth saving than do so. Don't just let her walz out of life. Besides there is nothing wrong with checking on the woman you love. How the two of you feel about each other is all that really matters.
I wish you the best of luck and more happiness than your heart can hold

I would leave her alone, let her have her space. Because I think if you call her you will push her away. If you are hurting heal yourself and find the person you where before you met her.

OK rolling on with the brutal answer here...

Mm I think personally that guys should deliberately misinterpret 'need space' as 'it's over' and start to get on with life without the 'ex' as per se, this shows her you have backbone and iniative to explore your own feelings rather than living and breathing for her every word like a puppy dog, further to that it also proves to her that you do not NEED her to be happy but when she is part of your life she is a positive influence.

More importantly though it proves to you yourself that you can live life without her and be happy...

That's the irony - from the very beginning she was the one that had to be together all the time - she moved really fast. She was all I knew, and she didn't really have her own friends, interests - direction and that's something she has to work on. I love her so much and I want her to be happy, I just want to be there for her and not let our love get swept under all this. So I should just wait to see if she calls me? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm older than she is but I have never gone by life's plan of this has to be done by this date etc. So I want to hold out and wait, but I can't figure out why she would push the one thing in her life away that she knows she can count on.

That's the irony - from the very beginning she was the one that had to be together all the time - she moved really fast. She was all I knew, and she didn't really have her own friends, interests - direction and that's something she has to work on. I love her so much and I want her to be happy, I just want to be there for her and not let our love get swept under all this. So I should just wait to see if she calls me? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm older than she is but I have never gone by life's plan of this has to be done by this date etc. So I want to hold out and wait, but I can't figure out why she would push the one thing in her life away that she knows she can count on.

Sometimes in order to grow you have to.. . change things...
People change with time their outlooks expand horizons and points of view change, and if you really want her to be happy, you need to be happy yourself, I mean if she really cares for you then she wouldn't want to see you unhappy right?
Love is never washed under it always lives on in the heart, true love is unconditional and without boundaries or needing an explanation, if you really love this girl and she loves you back then things will work out regardless of what you do right now, so why not enjoy yourself and not having to answer to anyone for a while and go out and try all the things you maybe never did while you were with her?

Regardless, good luck whichever way this goes..

Is it a bad idea to contact her mom via email just to see how my ex is doing? I know it will get back to her so maybe not. I am also frinedly with her stepdad - bad idea to talk to him about her? So confused.
Perhaps if I vanish she'll miss me? I don't know.

Is it a bad idea to contact her mom via email just to see how my ex is doing? i know it will get back to her so maybe not. i am also frinedly with her stepdad - bad idea to talk to him about her? so confused.
perhaps if i vanish she'll miss me? i don't know.

Don't contact her parents
That will really freak her out she'll call u bad names n stuff too probably..
Your heart is in the right place but its leading your mind to possibly hurt yourself over this
Oh don't vanish as in like not answer her calls n stuff, just.. if she does call sound busy, and keep yourself busy, if she doesn't miss you then she wasn't worth it hey?

If you truly love someone you set them free.

Is it a bad idea to contact her mom via email just to see how my ex is doing? i know it will get back to her so maybe not. i am also frinedly with her stepdad - bad idea to talk to him about her? so confused.
perhaps if i vanish she'll miss me? i don't know.I wouldn't bring her family into this at all and the same goes for friends. I think, as others have pointed out, you should go on with your own life, and leave her alone. If she hasn't called you in 2-3 months then you know for sure you made the right decision to find your own happiness. Sorry dude, you must give her what she asked for.

Give her the space she needs, she needs her space right now and any pressure you put on her will push her away further. Right now, as difficult as it may be, you must not put your life on pause, get busy and carry on your daily routine. What will be will be (as the saying goes). You can't change someone's mind for them, you can guide them but ultimately life decisions need to be made within and she will be the one to make this one. This is a painful thought but it may be that you may need to accept that this is over for good... I had to go through this and it was very hard.

Its still very early days though for you though so it is best not to speculate too much on what will happen.

Well if I was you I would try to talk to her about you wanting to still be in a romantic relationship. But if she doesn't want to give it another chance try to be friends. If you can't take it just being friends then you need to stop. Because sometimes it is to hard to friends with someone that you have been in love with for two years. Just wait is all I really can tell you! I wish you the best luck!

Thanks everyone. It is really hard and yes I am listening to everyone. After a month or so is that too early to contact her if she hasn't tried to get in touch with me? I just don't know.
1 month - 2 months - 3 months? We are mutual friends of a bride to be in July (she's the one that introduced us) I hope she doesn't NOT attend the wedding because of me.
Thoughts?

Leave it at least 2 months, perhaps even 3 months of no contact but don't hold out on false hope here. Letting her contact you would be far better than making the first move but you must do what you think is right.

Space means space and no contact gives her that. However, in time if she does not contact you, no contact will become a source of your healing.

Do they ever make contact/call again? We had something pretty amazing - I don't understand how you can go from calling someone everyday (a few times even) and spending so much time together - down to nothing.

Do they ever make contact/call again? We had something pretty amazing - I don't understand how you can go from calling someone everyday (a few times even) and spending so much time together - down to nothing.

Of course you don't understand, but you must give her what she ask for. If you care at all just do it.

She asked for time and space...

So give her that...

Do they ever make contact/call again? We had something pretty amazing - I don't understand how you can go from calling someone everyday (a few times even) and spending so much time together - down to nothing.

Happens a lot.. Happened to me.

Did she call again? No.. And that was after No contact after the initial 4 weeks of me trying to work it out. After a while, you do accept it, I did and I would say it took a good 4 months before the real healing began for me. Everyone goes through this, well the majority I would say. You have my greatest sympathy as I know what this must be putting you through. It is the hardest thing to let someone go when you love them so much but sometimes we must do this because we love them. That is where acceptance comes from where love is concerned. Accepting the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference (as the prayer goes).

At the moment though, I am not suggesting you must let go because it is very early days for you but giving her space and getting busy for now is the best move you can make. Take each day as it comes but be prepared for anything that comes your way. There is a great support network here and I too came here 6 months ago looking for advice and support and there are some great voices here who will help you through this difficult time.

Sometimes women can be immature and to check on their b/fs if they really love, they ask silly things like leave me alone and stuff... to see if he comes running back... this is not to imply that you start calling her. No. I think you can give her a call and see how she responds. You will gauge from the tone of her voice... and if your gut feel says something's not right, then hun just move ahead not backward... there's so much to do in life... and each one of us is destined to have one good partner in our life, so wait for one... don't hanker or run after things... not healthy at all.

Not to sound too crazy here and I do know that it's totally irrational -but I drove by her house at 1AM (after hitting the pub w/a friend) and her car wasn't home. And then again this morning and her car still wasn't there?? I know she had to work today so I can't figure out why her car would not have been at home.

Maybe it's really over. Could she have moved on so quickly?

Not to sound too crazy here and I do know that it's totally irrational -but I drove by her house at 1AM (after hitting the pub w/a friend) and her car wasn't home. and then again this morning and her car still wasn't there?!?! i know she had to work today so i can't figure out why her car would not have been at home.

maybe it's really over. could she have moved on so quickly?



Its best not to over analyse what she is doing right now, there could be a number of reasons her car was not there.

Seriously though, driving past her house at 1 A.M in the morning is not healthy, what if she caught you doing that or someone told her you did that. It would make you look like a stalker, not good. This is exactly the sort of thing that would push her away further and confirm her decision to call it a day.

Give her SPACE!!

Now I REALLY don't know what to do. My EX calls me and she's sobbing/crying and I ask her if she's OK and she says yes but obviously she isn't. We talk a little small talk - nothing serious about us - and I keep the mood light and make her laugh. She says that she's seen me running and looks down my street when she drives by (we live really close by). Both of us are very guarded during the conversation - I tell her again that I'll always be there for her (perhaps a mistake?) we end our talk when she says "I'll talk to you later on".
Now I don't play games and maybe it's got more to do with chemical makeup of people I don't know - but what does this call mean? Man relationships are brutal. I'm obviously feeling good right now but I've got to keep this in perspective.

Anyone have any ideas? And again thanks to everyone for their input.

Can anyone help?

Coming from my personal experience, I wouldn't think too much of it. You don't really know what was going on in her mind, so don't try to guess what she was thinking. Maybe she was upset, and needed a friend to talk to - that's it.

You don't know, and chances are she probably doesn't know what she's doing. Its good that your keeping your good feelings in check, as that can be a brutal letdown.

You have been advised to leave her and her family alone, and that you are so confused, is one of the main reasons that you need to cut the contact. Read other post about breakups, and you will see, that the ones who continue the contact, go through the same confusion you are going through. That's no coincidence my friend, but is what happens when you delay your healing process, and continue to go in circles, because her contacts give you false hope to getting back together. Word to the wise is leave her alone, and be unavailable to her attempts to contact you.

This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.

Everyone says NO CONTACT but I love her so much. Everyone's relationships are unique so I'm at a loss - I definitely don't want to fall into the friends category, so now what?
She says she misses me so much but than also talks about remaining friends, is she trying to get back together with me?

Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends?

Hate to tell you she has already put you in the friends category. No she is not trying to get back with you. Until you get over the denial, and work on you this will get worse, No Contact.

This is from my EX -
I know you are trying to get on with your life.

Also basically says she's not trying to get back with you
My standard reply to a gal saying similar to that would be
'maybe in a few months we can be friends again, right now I need space'

But I'm really really evil so.. just an idea for you :P

Everyone says NO CONTACT but I love her so much. Everyone's relationships are unique so I'm at a loss - I definitely don't want to fall into the friends category, so now what?
She says she misses me so much but than also talks about remaining friends, is she trying to get back together with me?

Tal is right, you are already in the friends category and are in denial of the situation. This is quite normal to go through this but you must pull away... Its harsh but she is gone and you must now try and accept this and let go...

Is there a chance for you in the future? I can't answer that and nobody can but it is best to eradicate any false hope and instead begin a process of moving on and working on yourself.

I don't think its fair to be too harsh with words with you because you are still in the early stages and I too was very lost 6 months ago. I promise that if you listen to the advice you get here and lean on your friends and family, it will get better. Time does heal, it does take a while but you will get there. You can give yourself a big head start by cutting all contact and I mean ALL CONTACT. Give yourself some breathing space and just let time do the work, give yourself as much time as is required, its no race and will take months to heal. Even then the wounds are more like scars but you will become all the more stronger and see things much more clearly.

Here's a deal, come back to this thread 6 months from now when you will feel much healthier mentally. I mean, come back here anyway between now and then whenever you need to talk but what I mean is, read your thread in 6 months time again and you will see how true everything is.

I hope I have helped.

I agree with the advice above. If you ask (most) anyone here, their ex's have said something similar soon after the breakup. And of these most were not trying to get back together. It is something you need to be aware of, and not over analyze.

So why did she contact me in the first place? She was obviously upset and hurting and missed me, what's that all about?

Missing you and wanting you back are two very different things.

Just beucase she broke up with you doesn't mean she hates you. Its to be expected that she is going to miss having you, but I assure you if you were to get back together just beucase she missed you now, you would break up again...

So I should just avoid her and any contact she makes with me? What if she does want to get back together and I show that I'm not interested or not there for her.

Don't contact her, she will reach out to you when she's ready. Girls need their time after a breakup. It will only make things worse most likely if you contact her first, I've been there done that with an ex... and while his phone call was comforting, the conversation didn't end in any resolution that I wanted to hear... that we can work things out etc. Give her all the space she needs, she will respect you more.

Well, if she really broke up with you... you should give her time... "that's if you want to hear about/know about her again." I had broken up with my boyfriend... and I really did want him out of my life... I thought that he wouldn't call anymore, because I asked him too and then he didn't call for like a day... and then he kept calling... I would ignore the calls but eventually gave in and anwered... when I would hear him, I felt like I needed him and missed him... now I'm back with him and I know we have like no future together... he says he loves me... but, I just need space... yet want him and I'm still with him in a way...
So, it probably be better if you wait... it's hard I know... but, there must be more to the story to really give you a good solid answer...

So I should just avoid her and any contact she makes with me? What if she does want to get back together and I show that I'm not interested or not there for her.

This is the EXACT situation I was in, and the same questions I had. I was worried that if I ignored her for a while, told her to give me my space and move on, that she would never seek to contact me if she had a valid reason to.

What you need to realize is that if she does want to talk to you, she knows how. She will get in contact with you. It took me a long time to realize it, but once you let go, and put space between you, it does NOT mean that you are closing that door forever. Your NOT making anything impossible.

And one more note: It is much easier to not answer her calls when you are busy. You don't have to be 'avoiding' her phone calls if you are out and busy - it just happens.

Thanks everyone. I love this girl so much I just don't want to mess up. The more I think about her the worse it is. And I know I have to stop thinking about her. I was glad she called me and at this point I guess I just have to wait and see how things go.
What are people's thoughts on going from lovers-friends-back to lovers? Can this happen? All my friends say stay away from the friend status.

As long as you don't ever want anything more, being a friend is fine. The majority of the time, people are interested in getting their Ex's back, or are not satisifed with simply being friends, and if that is the case, some time to yoruself is the best idea, that way you can clear your head and get a better grasp on things.

Could you see yourself being a friend to her, and having a conversation about her and her new boyfriend? Unless the answer is yes, your not ready.

Do it know just be cool. Text or e-mail to start.

You kind of forced me into a brutal response this time around so, prepare yourself...


So why did she contact me in the first place? She was obviously upset and hurting and missed me, what's that all about?

There are two possibilities here

1 - she is confused (which she really shouldn't be but probably has been thinking about trying things out with another guy or more than one other guy... )
2 - mindgames

Both are bad news.
To me you sound like a lovesick puppy dude
Look at how ;
She's disrespecting what you once had
She's disrespecting you for wanting to do the right thing by her
Basically slapping you in the face
Also take note of how you aren't looking out for your own interests either only hers, while that can be a noble gesture it can also be seen as 1 being a martyr 2 being very very weak.. which most girls find a complete turnoff..

Seriously, at the first sign of any girl doing this stuff, walk,
Or prepare to be walked on.
If your not careful she'll make you into her doormat
Is that what you really want ultimately? I bet it isn't.


What are people's thoughts on going from lovers-friends-back to lovers? can this happen? All my friends say stay away from the friend status.
Your friends sound like they're catering to your ego, I don't know if you've noticed but simply put you don't have a choice in this matter she's already put you in the friends category, once that's happened your fighting a lost cause..

Regardless good luck...

Some people have a break for 6 months and then get back together it can happen. The break is obviously cause she is having doubts. Maybe about the future, she may not be able to see much of a future with you at the moment especially if she is young. Work on yourself and then get in contact with her, it is probably all over now but you can only hope for the best and move along. Let her go out on her own and she may feel that you are the one and then she may not. Yet at the end of the day in 5 months time you will probably say to yourself if she could leave me that easy did she ever really love me at all. I was with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years I probably should have proposed and I didn't, she said she wasn't sure where we wer heading and going day to day and now she's gone for good. She said she needed a break and I know she is seeing no one and hasn't for two months. But she's gone and not coming back. She needed time and she got it and maybe realised I wasn't the one. Let me tell you how hard it is she used to call every night and text on the phone saying she wanted to hear my voice. And then she was gone. I would understand if she found someone else or something but she didn't she just wanted to be by herself for a while and grow. Its so hard to watch someone who wanted you so badly not want you anymore 3 1/2 years is a long time and I'm sure your time has been long too. I still can't understand she told me I depend on you too much well how can you leave if you depend on me... You will never get the real answer you are searching for the truth may be she does not know why herself only time will tell. Some people wake up in 5 years time and say dam I should have made a different decidsion and well maybe I should have proposed who knows maybe she wasn't ready... maybe I was too slow. Everyone kept telling me to ask her... maybe thet would have been the difference, I've got a million things going through my mind like you but just relax and read a book on heaking cause I doubt she coming back...

So I'm driving to work today and my EX girlfriend is behind me and she pulls into the same gas station as I do. She gets a coffee which I know she doesn't drink this time of the year and we see each other and she smiles so I say hi. She then wants a hug so we have a really nice hug. She's leaving for a trip this week so I tell her to be safe in her travels.

This is after the last email that she sent to me that I didn't reply to about 2 days ago. She had a bad day and was really missing me but later in the email saying that she hopes that we can remain friends?

I know I have to go N/C with her but it was really good to see her and I feel she felt the same way. Man I wish I could read minds.

The most dangerous thing is to assume what she thinks or feels, since really you don't know. Stay on the path nomatter how good she looks.



She hopes that we can remain friends?



This is what you know for sure.

I know what you're saying. Just when I think one thing it's something totally different. Perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder - who knows. I feel that when we saw each other she definitely looked at me the way it was in the beginning of our dating.

I feel that

There's your problem. All you know is what you feel, and as far as you two getting back together... what you feel isn't a concern. Until you know what she feels for sure, you need to move on and act as if it will never happen. Assumptions are very dangerous, both positive and negative assumptions.

I am moving on very slowly but surely and if she comes back to me - she comes back to me. I just don't want to misinterpret her actions or missunderstand what she says. I've had breakups before and have missed the signs when my significant other has tried to reconcile and have lost out. I guess I am the eternal optimist.

You need to let her be. People change, maybe she wants to explore other avenues. You should look at it as a positive thing that she doesn't "need " you. You sound like you are young, don't get too wrapped up into this, there are a ton of women out there.

This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.

"all i could think about was how much i missed you"
Should I still continue with NC and let her contact me again when she's ready? We ran into each other yesterday and we exchanged a really nice hug, it was awkward but she intentionally went out of her way to bump into me.

Is it possible to go from lovers to friends back to lovers?

My current situation is just that, I want to still be friends with my ex girlfriend in the hopes that we can rekindle what we once had. It was her idea to originally break up.

Yes, anything is possible. As long as you work hard at it.

:)

You are in the friendzone, Whether you like it or not. Now go heal and do the no contact the right way, and end the confusion and questions.

How do I get out of the friendzone? Is it risky to be friends with her in the hopes of rekindling what we had? She clearly said that all she could think about was how much she missed me - what is no contact the right way? Not answer anytime she calls?

SPACE IS GOOD ! IT GIVEs both you and she the ability to see how to best handle the relationship. It sounds like you have a little fear that she may not come back or she is going to go. Now you must work on you, and ask yourself are you the best man you can be. However if you are finding that you are the only one working on the relationship and you are constantly trying to please her, and its crippling you, then maybe you need to consider other options. Also if she had friends and you don't this can cause problems as well. Maybe you want too much quality time, if this is the case, you need to spend more time with your friends and work on you.

If you love someone set them free, if they come it was meant to be...

This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.

"all i could think about was how much i missed you"
Should I still continue with NC and let her contact me again when she's ready? We ran into each other yesterday and we exchanged a really nice hug, it was awkward but she intentionally went out of her way to bump into me.

You already have the answer you want, tough as it may be - it's the best way.



How do I get out of the friendzone? is it risky to be friends with her in the hopes of rekindling what we had? she clearly said that all she could think about was how much she missed me - what is no contact the right way? not answer anytime she calls?


Now go heal and do the no contact the right way, and end the confusion and questions.

You need to work on yourself a bit first! :] Have some time apart from each other before reconciling any friendship. Chances are also that it may be HARd!! Especially when you see each other with different people.

She broke up with me 2 weeks ago and then called sobbing/crying - had a bad day and was really missing me. We talked a little, I made her laugh and left it at that. Next day she sends me an email and asked if it was okay that she called me - realizing that it may have been hard for me and that she really hoped that we could be friends and that she was really glad to hear my voice. THEN a few days later we bump into each other at a gas station and she comes to me and asks for me to give her a hug (which I do, it seemed like it lasted forever).

In the esteemed opinions of everyone that reads my story - What does my EX want?

She doesn't want to feel guilty. She doesn't want to get back together, you would already know that if she did. She wants you to make HER feel better, and she is being very selfish if you ask me. I could be wrong, but if she said she wants to be friends, it seems pretty clear.

I think her own insecurities are causing her to call you. If you can handle her hugs and calls knowing that nothing is going to come of it, then let her do this. If its making things hard on you, which it seems it is since you wrote this post, stop contact with her. You can't be friends with someone right after you break up I don't believe in most cases this is possible, it takes a great deal of time for both parties to move on completely. Tell her if she wants to be broken up, then you aren't going to be talking to her anymore, and not because you don't want to be her friend, but because you need to move on.

Don't let people be reckless with your heart and drag you through the mud just because THEY are having a bad day. My room mate is doing this to her ex boyfriend, she broke up with him, and she has no intention on getting back with him, she just has weak moments and hearing him comfort her makes her that much more okay with her decision. Stop the madness.

Then why would she want to hug me and go out of her way to bump into me? And she said that she was really missing me, maybe I shouldn't contact her for another week or so and then call her to maybe get together.

You don't seem to be listening to what people tell you. If your going to do what you want anyway, I just want you to know thatt chances are there is no way she wants to be back together with you. We have all been there, and it is not uncommon for our exs to show these conflicting signs soon afterward.

If you decide to contact her, or to cling to these hints, I hope the best for you. Good luck

I am listening - and I'm not contacting her and I am trying to move on but I also think every relationship is unique. My EX has no friends, I am her best friend and it hurts to think that she doesn't have anyone now even though she pushed me away.

She broke up with me 2 weeks ago and then called sobbing/crying - had a bad day and was really missing me. We talked a little, I made her laugh and left it at that. Next day she sends me an email and asked if it was okay that she called me - realizing that it may have been hard for me and that she really hoped that we could be friends and that she was really glad to hear my voice. THEN a few days later we bump into each other at a gas station and she comes to me and asks for me to give her a hug (which I do, it seemed like it lasted forever).

In the esteemed opinions of everyone that reads my story - What does my EX want?
She wants you back but tell me why did she break up wit you?

She needed to figure out things for herself and grow. Not really sure what she wants. Career, friends.

I am listening - and I'm not contacting her and I am trying to move on but I also think every relationship is unique. My EX has no friends, I am her best friend and it hurts to think that she doesn't have anyone now even though she pushed me away.

I understand this exactly. My ex had no friends. For the three years we were together, she hung out with me, and pretty much that was it. Part of the reason we broke up was that she moved away and had new friends, that she had never had before. She wanted to enjoy that, and she didn't want me there at the same time.

Im just trying to save you from what I went through. We broke up 3 months ago, and I'm still deep in the confusion, and it still hurts... but I'm getting better. A few weeks after the breakup, she said things to me which are similar to what you hear. I can remember specifically one time when she called me crying and said "I feel like I can't live without you." Well, nothing came from that. She was confused, having a bad day, and knew I would be there to comfort her.

I understand all relationships are different, I just wanted to give you some insight on what happened with me, and hopefully it won't happen with you.

Good luck my friend.

Thank you.

My girlfriend broke up with me two months ago just like sypher she did the same thing to me called me up after three weeks and got me to go over she slerpt with me and said she never felt better and was glad I was there!! Well that was it hasn't spoke to me since. Its all bull they just want you there to feel a bit better and that's it... forget her and wait to she calls you and if she does then you may be a chance but don't rush and jumop on her!! Make her chase you back your the busy guy now.

If she feels like I'm moving on by doing no contact, which I've been doing - and then she feels like she should move on as well because I'm not reaching out to her - I don't want to be the "one that got away". What to do?

Start talking to her?

If she broke up with you, and your giving her space - if she decides that she wants to be back together, she will let you know. I'm sure that if she realized it was a mistake, or wanted to be back together, she would let you know...

Put yourself in her position: If you dumped someone, then a few months later you realized it was a mistake, would you just assume that she is moved on and let her go? No, you would make sure she knows how you feel, then you would be at the mercy of her decision. Don't worry about what isn't happening now, if it does happen you'll know

If she feels like I'm moving on by doing no contact, which I've been doing - and then she feels like she should move on as well because I'm not reaching out to her - I don't want to be the "one that got away". What to do?
Has she given you any indication she wants to get back together?

She called me upset and wanting to hear my voice a week ago (she was missing me), then she emailed me the night after asking me if it was all right that she did. THEN she went out of her way to run into me at a gas station this last week and gave me a hug.
Now I find out she's babysitting for some friends of mine in a couple of weeks.

Light contact! However it is healthier to get over each other first before reconciliation. Best to enjoy life being single for a while. Learn from the past and use that experience. If an ex wanted you back I am sure they would let you know. Let them do the chasing, they broke up with you! If they don't come back then there will be someone else in time/...

Will they chase if they think I've moved on - which I obviously haven't. I feel like I don't want her to forget about me.

Here's what I do know - after she broke up with me.
- about 10 days later she called me crying, had a bad day and really needed to hear my voice
- sent me an email the day after she called me asking me if it was all right that she called
- last week we ran into each other at the gas station where she asked for a hug of course I gve her one
- she's babysitting for some friends of mine in a couple of weeks

Is she really moving on what is going on? Do I stop no contact and call her or text her?

Just because you have started a new thread doesn't mean you'll get different answers. Reread your other posts and you'll see that this question has been answered. Have you noticed that every time you see her, or she calls you get more confused? Sooner or later you will realise you will never have what you had with her, and the best thing to do is accept this is over, she wants you as a friend to make her feel better, nothing more. Now move on. STOP THE MADNESS! That would be better for you both.

I understand that - but can you explain this one?

I text messaged her the other night - just saying that I was thinking about and wanted to say hi, and she called me the following morning to tell me that she got my message and didn't call me sooner because she was flying home. Why did she call me back? And so quickly?

She has to keep you as a friend. You will get just enough to keep you wondering, but not enough to push you away. Stop calling and then stop taking her calls, and you will see something that you need to see.

Well she's called me 3 times today, didn't leave any messages - now what?

Must be extremely important since she didn't leave a message. What do you think? Call her later and find out. Your really curious, and so are we.

So we talked for about 2 hours and she says she's not ready for a relationship. And I agreed that we would need to take things really slowly. She wants to get together and do things but can't really committ, she asked me if it was okay if she went out with other people and I said that it was a deal breaker. I asked her how she would feel if I went out with other girls and she didn't know -thought she might go psycho-ex girlfriend mode. I feel like we made some progess and we really communicated the things that were important to us in our relationship. I think we're going to get together at the end of the week - something casual. Who knows what'll happen - I really got that she was confused and scared about a lot of things. Hopefully we'll make it work.

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!! THIS IS NOT WORKING MORON!! (sorry)

What you are doing is not working don't do what you have been doing all you are doing is justing hanging on a lifeline which she has got dangling. I did this WILL NOT WORK Not!!


I can tell from your thread you told her well we will have to take it really slowly. The only reason you said that is cause you are thinking well I can tell her and she will agree and take it slow and you will be together!! NO F ING WAY THIS WILL HAPPEN!! And if it did you'll be out again.

She wanted a break, DO NOT LET HER CRY ON YOU!! Your moving on you have to show her you Don't have time for crap you don't want a girl who doesn't know what she wants!!

You have to be the best! The best is NOT waiting THE BEST is busy! The BEST has options if she's unsure there's plenty out there who are sure!!

Even though at the moment you want her and really you are a wussie well you have to pretend your not.

This is what you do!! STARTING NOW!!

You do not answer for 1 week at all no text nil. You also have your phone switched off every second night. That's right OFF OFF OFF! You be unavailable even though you are probably lying in bed crying, you must show you are busy so she will wonder and can't tal;k to you. The less she can talk to you the more she will want too.

Do this for a week and see how it goes. Or else try your s h I t way and keep hanging on and you know what she will say

"IM JUST NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP AT THE MOMENT" I JUST WANT TO WORK ON MYSELF FOR A WHILE... Then your out

Let me know how you go!!

Also I hust rered what you just said in that last post!!

I Don't BELIEVE I MISSED IT!!

She said she's not READY for a relationship!! And you said I agree we need to take it slow!! YOU didn't hear what she said she said not ready and you said TAKE IT SLOW!! TAKE WHAT SLOW THE DOG FOR A WALK! WAKE UP!!
Then I go on and see she wants to know if she can see other people!! The only reason she wants to see other people is she Don't want you at the moment, cause your hanging around!!

Then you ask her what about you seeing other people WHAT SHI T IS THAT!! She wanted a break of cause your seeing other people you're the great bloke your not waiting for anyone!!

You don't need to ask her you tell her this!! LISTEN RIGHT NOW!!

Whaen she says cyan I see other people you say yeah Im going to the movies with this girl I met out last Friday Night!! That's right you reply with yes go and see other people yourve got a date Friday NIght!! Don't be SCARED of losing her!!

She hasn't got a date she will be f ing freaking all night Friday thiunking how your date is going and you know what on that Friday your phone is switched off and not back on till the next night. You rve gootta let her know you might have found someone who knows what she wants!!

DO THIS BNEXT TIM DO THIS IF YOU MUST SPEAK TO HER LET HER KNOW YOURVE GOT A BIG DATE LINED UP! PEOPLE can't ENJOY THEMSELVES IF THERE EX IS ON A DATE .

You are thinking if I tell her I'm on a date then she will go on a date and find someone! BULL she will be that worried yes WORRIED about your date even if she is on one this bloke won't be her type at all she will be thinking of you!!


DO IT IF YOU HAVE TO TALK ON PHONE Don't PLAY AROUND ANYMORE THIS WILL WORK!! YOUR CHOICE, your other way is just going to make her comfortable and she will find another bloke who will be a jerk and tell he stop talking to the ex and she will!

BE THE MAN TONIGHT!!

I did what you're talking about, didn't talk to her for a week (a couple at that). She called me 6x today and left me 2 messages and drove by my house to share some dinner with me. I wasn't home so she didn't stop. We don't play games that's not what we're about. I told her that it wasn't okay for her to "date" other people and reversed it on her - she wasn't very comfortable thinking about me dating other girls. She initiated contact, not me.

Listen I Know you don't want to play games but this is not games...

This is just looking after yourself and making her feel more attracted to you. This is the reason she is so unsure she is losing the attraction!! She is only coming back cause she is missing you give her thet

Make her miss you, you are not understanding!!

IWhaen you disappear she wants you more arnt you finding a trend you must do this if you want her. Or keep trying your stuff but please keep me informed any news today??

If you think talking to her and working it slowly is your go whatever is in your heart you will go with. Many people say different things on here but it is up to the individual to do what they want cause they will in the end. When was the last time you spoke and what wdid the conversation say I need details. Thanks

Hopefully we'll make it work.
You are in the friend zone. And that's where you'll be after she finds someone.

If she feels like I'm moving on by doing no contact, which I've been doing - and then she feels like she should move on as well because I'm not reaching out to her - I don't want to be the "one that got away". What to do?
Simple, ASK?

"I feel like this is the best thing for us right now. Daniel and I had some problems in our relationship and I honestly just could not see us moving forward together. It was a really hard decision to make and I truly feel like I lost my best friend, but at the same time I feel a sense of freedom now. Daniel was such a big part of my life. He was all I knew. I am going through a huge transition now that I am done with school. I am trying to figure out what I want to do and who I want to be and I just feel like I need to do that for me before I can settle down with someone else. Daniel has 14 years of life experience that I don't have which I think he forgot sometimes. I just feel like I need some me time. In college I had a plan and now that I am out of college and things aren't going quite as planned I feel a little lost. I told Daniel I needed space, and it was really hard for him to hear. I care about him so much and I never meant to hurt him. I do need time to be my own person though."



THIS IS WHAT I GOT FROM AN OLD POST OF YOURS...

My girlfriend said exactly the same thing two months ago. Honestly exact!! Im 6 vyears older than her and she said I had more life experiences than her she is in her last year of a five year course and wants to work out where she is headed in life. Let me tell you this may sound like she is talking to you but what she is really saying is this

I Don't FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU AS I USED TO BECAUSE I USED TO MISS YOU HEAPS WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST YEAR BUT NOW I LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU CAUSE YOUR SUCH A BIG PART OF MY LIFE BUT IT IS NOT A PASSIONATE LOVE LIKE IT USED TO BE SHE LOVES YOU MORE LIKE A FAMILY MEMBER!! SOMEONE WHO SHE CAN TALK AND RELY ON NOT LOVE YOU LIKE SHE WANTS YOU TO RIP HER PANTS DOWN AND GIVE HER A LESSON!!

IF YOU DOINT LEAVCE AND CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HER RIGHT NOW YOU WILL NEVER GET HER PANTS AROUND HER ANKLES AGAIN!! AND FURTHER MORE YOU WILL BE OPN THIS SITE IN A FEW MONTHS AND YOUR POST WILL READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!

My ex and I were on a break but now she's met this guy she tells me its nothing serious and she still loves me but just needs time to work things out. She always sends me messages saying how much she misses me (MIND YOU THAT IS WHILE SHE IS NOT RIDING HIS SLONG CAUSE THE NEW GUY IS BUSY) anyway back to it. The new guy she has met she says he doesn't treat her anywhere near as good as I treated her and she still always rings me what does this mean?? I know she still loves me but I'm not sure what to do now!!


Well this is what will happen nshe will get a new guy and you will be the buddy!! Get out Now and give yourself every possible chance!! It took me two months to finally leave my ex alone!! You have told us she has not got many friends, don't you see while you are around she won't miss you she is relying on you for support and friendship till the new bloke sweeps her off her feet!! DTHIS IS NO LONGER A GAME I AM TALKING ABOUT>THIS IS LIFE AND IF YOU WANT TO WALK AWAY WITH THE GIRL< PLEASE Disappear AND IF SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU WELL SHE NEVER REALLY DID.

All I am seeing from her end is that she wants to be friends and see other people. When you first met she would never had mentioned seeingh other people cause she was to keen on you.

What I have told you today will be of benefit to you and I know you are saying I've tried no contact. Well its about time you tried this simple few words when she rings.

IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS IM THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO LIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND IM GOING TO DATE SOME OTHER PEOPLE AND MEET SOMEONE WHO IS MORE SURE OF WHAT THEY WANT, I HAVE GIVEN YOU SOME CHANCES BUT YOUR TO UNSURE FOR ME!! ANYWAY HAVE FUN BYE .

That is what you say and hang up and tuirn your phone off! GIVE IT TIME Don't BACK DOWN. The firmer your decision the more she will come for you and hopefully tell you I've decided I am ready and then you can be with her!!

Lol! Just go get yourself some sort of reality check. Ok she wants you but doesn't. Well have more of a life then and in time you will become indifferent. Just don't hold up on just her.

I've done what you're saying.
She knows that I don't want her to date anyone else and if she does I'm long gone. That's why we talked for 2 hours.

You said you have done what I'm saying!! Noyour not you spoke toherfor two hours. STOP DOING THAT STOP STOP STOP!!

SHE KNOWS YOU Don't WANTHER TO DATE ANTONE ELSE That's GOT NOTHING TO DO WITHYOU < YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE HAVING THE CHOICES YOU Haven't!!

You need to not tell her anything don't tell her what to do tell er absolutely nothing, why are you still talking to her!!

Disappear my friendcome on here and chat but I've her a spell you can't work anything outby talking about it you needto be gone!!

I know you say you havedonethat but you didn't do it for long or good enough.

You MUST not talk and answer nextthree times she calls and then on the next time IF SHE CALLS you answer and saywhatdo you want stop calling me you said you wanted it to be over so that's it!! You made your decision...

THIS ISWHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE SHE ISSTILL DRAGING YOU BY HE BALLS GIVINGYOU FALSEHOPE ON THE RELATIONSHIP YOUHAVE NO CHANCEAT THE MOMENT 0% of getting her back...

I believe youstill have a good chanceof getting her back hereif you handle ittherightway.

YOou said she knows I don't want her to date orim long gone!! \\\\


JEEZ YOU SHOULD BE LONG GONE NO MATTER WHAT SHE IS DOING WHYARE YOU WAITING AROUND DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE SHE IS MAKING A DECISION

I ILLTELLYOU RIGHT NOW YOU WILL BE LONGGONE SOON WHEN SHE FINDS HER NEXT BLOKE!!

ELL BE LONG GONE NOW GOD DAM IT WAKE UP YOU SAID YOU WILL BE LONG GONE WHEN SHE DATES BE BLOODY LONG GONE NOW AND GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE!!

Let me know what yourdecision is have you had anymore phone cobnversations and what hasshe said??

Hope you know I am helping you sorry if sounds a bit rude but I am here to talk too... GOOD LUCK.

I know what you're saying - easier said than done. It's easy to make those recommendations but relationships are a lot more complex than that.

From our conversation the other night -
I told her that if she's looking to date other people that I'm not here for that, I want us to try again and go slowly. Then I turned it around on her and asked her how she would feel if I dated someone and she said that she didn't know and that she might go psycho-ex-girlfriend mode. She's the one that seems to be pushing to be with me - why would I push her away? Like I said she called me 6 times the other day and left me 2 messages.

Let us know when she is all the way back. Good Luck.

Hay rightheart I hopoe your doing well and I hope the girl is on the way back, I mean you better let us know when you get her fully back. Is there any update yet is she keen.
Hope your getting back in there, we are praying for you.

UPDATE - we had dinner the other night and after we kissed a lot. Last night we hung out a little and we kissed again. This morning she called me and possibly wants to get together tonight for drink(s). I hope it's not to break my heart again...

Another update -
She slept over last Saturday and everything was cool, then on Tuesday we had dinner at my place and kissed and cuddled some more. The entire time we haven't seriously talked about our relationship but she has told me that she is still looking to date, meanwhile we make out and kiss like we are still together.

Now it's Thursday and I find out she has a date for tomorrow. What the heck is going on?

Your heading for a BIG FALL! What a mistake, sorry chum, its all going down hill from here. Stop it!

What should I do then? How do we kiss and make out and act as if things were going back then she plans on going out on a date with someone else?

The entire time we haven't seriously talked about our relationship
Because at this point there is NONE!


but she has told me that she is still looking to date,
She must really love you to go on dates with other MEN?


meanwhile we make out and kiss like we are still together.
She is your door mat, and she keeping you offf to the side just in case she can't find anybody else. Umm that would make me feel good?


Now it's Thursday and I find out she has a date for tomorrow.
Well I would too, she know's you'll be thinking and waiting for her?


What the heck is going on?

At the present time she doesn't want you, she trying too find someone better and if she can't she knows you'll be rite their waiting with open arms to take her back. I know it's hard but I will still admit my feeling for my ex are still their, but if you would have listen to everyone here you would been further healed from the first day she dumded you, yes YOU. You probably feel like crap she going on that date if you would have done the NC you would been healing and sometimes it's just better not to no what the ex does. You might just get burned. Please just leave her alone and heal yourself.

You have gotten a promotion from friends, to friends with benefits

Rightheart you have not listened. I know your situation cause I was in the same situation. I know all about the kissing and hugging!! HELL my girlfriend even slept with me and she kept kissing me saying Im still deciding your making my decision so HARD.

What a load of crap SHE thought I was making her decision hard because I was still around and no doubt she had feelings for me but te problem was she was not missing me she was still emotionally involved and loved the kissing and huggging but that was cause it was like a drug after 3 1/2 year sof hot action and affection she needed her regular fix of kissing . Adventually though after time they slowly walk away and this is a way of doing this slowkly and at the same time you think well we must be going OK kissing and stuff means we must be gettibg back together.

WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!! Sometimes this can be right but only when you push her away will you gett your true answer!!

I already tiold you this you are letting her have you there which means she is happy to date other guys and feels good cause HELL a lot of peopole are like this that's why they cheat they feel like they are safe with the person they are with so they are happier to find others. These people are creeps but that's how it works.

YOU CANNOT GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITYU TO DATE OTHER GUYS AND FEEL GOOD AT THE SAME TIME , THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN ACHIEVE THIS IS TO NOT SEE HER AND TELL HER YOU ARE DATING OTHERS. GIVE HER A DOSE IF SHE CALLS AND SAYS KETS HANG OUT TOMORROW NIGHT TELL BHER SOORY iM GOING TO THE MOVIES.IF SHE SAYS WHO WITH JUST SAY WITH SOMEONE I MET AND TELL HER ITS NOTHING SERIOUS. GIVE GHER WHAT SHE IS GIVING YOU, MAKE HER WORRY , You're a GREAT GUY WITH PLENTY OF GIRLS WHO WANT AND DESERVE YOU.

At the moment you are looking to her like you can't live without her and you have no girls chasibng you , girls want a popular guy who is busya and has other girls eyeing him off...

Do this now next time you speak tell her your going out let her go crazy she will realise then you may be the one for her.

IF YOU KEEP DOING YOUR WAY SGHE WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE AND THEN YOU WILL HEAR THIS " LETS JUST BE FRIENDS" OR ITS NOT WORKING" OR " IM WITH SOMEONE NOW LEAVE ME ALONE"

IIF You want to hear this keep doing what your doing! Stop

Do what I said now if you want let us no

We talked about "Us" again and she says she loves me but can't commit to a relationship right now. The thing is we still kiss when we see each other, I know I should do no contact - I guess that is what needs to happen.

Yes my ex is driving past my house and playing with mind. As long as she does this I will always think of her and never move on. That's my problem. You can go NC and get healthy. As long as you see her you are never goint to get over her.That's your problem. You have a chance to heal. I can't until I sell my house and she can't find me.

WAKE UP WUSSY!!

Why he hell are youkissing if you are not in a relationship with her!! 1You have to realise that if she wants to be with you it has to be in arelationship!!

LET ME TELL YOU NOW SHE DOES NOT That's RIGHT Not NOT LOVE YOU!! THIS IS FOR SURE!! GUARANTEED!!

She only says that cause she still wants you around.

The only way to fix this is to not talk to her at all. Tell her your not that keen on working it out with someone who doesn't want a relationship and your going to move on to someone who can handle a relationship!!
This is when she will realise that she wants you...

Why would you hang around with someone who dumped you, they dumoed you for a reason and that was cause she didn't want you..

ANSWER THIS WOULD YOU DUMP A HOT GIRL YOU WERE REALLY KEEN ON HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHA HELL NO YOU Wouldn't!!

Your holding on here thinking well if she keeps hugging and kissing m then she's not with anyone else and I'm might be able to show her and she might realise she wants me back!! S SHE Definitely WILL NOT!! NOTNOTNOT

You mus tell her yourve had enough if you continue to do what you want adventually you will be all he way out and she will not want you...

I GUARANTEE IF NEXT TIME SHE CONTACT YOU, YOU TELL HER YOUR TO BUSY TO SEE HER NOW AND THAT YOUR NOT INTERESTED IN A GIRL WHO Doesn't KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS. SHE WILL CHANGE HER MIND PRETTY QUICK!! PROBLEM IS YOU ARE TO SCARED TO TAKE THE CHANCE!! WELL IF YOU TAKE IT AND SHE NEVER TALKS TO YOU AGAIN WELL SHE Didn't WANTNYOU ANYWAY..!

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT WORKING MORON!!!!!!! (sorry)

What you are doing is not working dont do what you have been doing all you are doing is justing hanging on a lifeline which she has got dangling. I did this WILL NOT WORK NOT NOT!!!!


I can tell from your thread you told her well we will have to take it really slowly. The only reason you said that is cause you are thinking well i can tell her and she will agree and take it slow and you will be together!!!! NO F ING WAY THIS WILL HAPPEN!!! and if it did youll be out again.

She wanted a break, DO NOT LET HER CRY ON YOU!!!! Your movin on you have to show her you DONT have time for crap you dont want a girl who doesnt know what she wants!!!

You have to be the best!! The best is NOT waiting THE BEST is busy!! The BEST has options if shes unsure theres plenty out there who are sure!!!!!

Even though at the moment you want her and really you are a wussie well you have to pretend your not.

This is what you do!!! STARTING NOW!!!!!

You do not answer for 1 week at all no text nil. You also have your phone switched off every second night. Thats right OFF OFF OFF!! You be unavailable even though you are probly lying in bed crying, you must show u are busy so she will wonder and can't tal;k to you. The less she can talk to you the more she will want too.

Do this for a week and see how it goes. Or else try ur s h i t way and keep hanging on and you know what she will say

"IM JUST NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP AT THE MOMENT" I JUST WANT TO WORK ON MYSELF FOR A WHILE....... Then your out

Let me know how you go!!!!!


This is funny.. don't we wish there were no games! But this is how it is!

BE THE MAN TONIGHT!!!!


Does this work for women too?

Maybe that's the problem with a lot of peoples relationships, they play to many games. Better to take a little extra time to find someone who doesn't play games.

I guess that is what needs to happen.

Change guess to know

Well she went out on a dinner date last night for an hour and a half and then she called me, 5 times. I didn't answer her calls (it felt good) and she left a message asking me to call her.

Next move?

Go about you business. Leave her alone, but how do you know what she is doing?? Not good guy. Get your nose out of her business.

she told me that she was going out. And then she calls me 5x what's that all about.

she told me that she was going out. and then she calls me 5x what's that all about.


Oh yea turn your phone off the first time she calls, why are you sitting there counting how many times she calls?

She called me today to see what's up and told me that I didn't return her calls the other night...

Am I rude for not calling her back? Or is it weak on my part to call her?

she called me today to see what's up and told me that i didn't return her calls the other night...

am i rude for not calling her back? or is it weak on my part to call her?



Don't get yourself more confused by talking to her, sounds like you need some space from your phone or even seeing her name as a missed call. YOu think thinking of her possessively is enough..

or is it weak on my part to call her?
Yes it is embarassingly weak, when a caller id gets you confused. 48 MF posts of advice and you still don't get it?? What the freak??
What part of mind games do you need to have explained to you again??
She went on a date with someone else and you worry about RUDE??
She's having a great time and your stuck on stupid!!
She is laughing her arse off, cause your hers whenever she wants and you can only see LUUUUUUUUUV!!
Dude she DUMPED you, now she is DUMPING ON you.

NUT CHECK!!

Hay, i thought i told you what to do!! You need to turn the phone off and leave it off for two weeks. I don't care what you do with it. What you should do is wrap it up in a plastic bag. Go for a drive if ypu drive or ride your bike to some deserted place you know of. Did a whole and bury it!! Leave it there for two weeks, this way you do not have to worry about anything. All you will have to do is think to yourself how much is she going to want me now she can't possibly get in contact with me. She will probably end up coming around to your place cause she will have no idea what your doing. Tell her yurve been so busy you haven't even had the phone on you.

Do this today!!

Don't take this crap anymore cause it isn't getting you know where!!

Read back on what i toold you les you see her the more she will come after you... simple

Just because you have started a new thread doesn't mean you'll get different answers. Reread your other posts and you'll see that this question has been answered. Have you noticed that everytime you see her, or she calls you get more confused? Sooner or later you will realise you will never have what you had with her, and the best thing to do is accept this is over, she wants you as a friend to make her feel better, nothing more. Now move on. STOP THE MADNESS!! That would be better for you both.

I could not rate tal on this answer but it is by far the best I have read and nothing more needs to be said.

Well I will say this anyway... Stop analyzing her calls, her texts, or anything her. You may not think you are but you are (in a way) playing mind games.

Sorry to say this but you are in the friend zone and you must accept that it is over.

Stop talking to her, it won't do you any good. Be strong, be a man!! You will get through it, I promise you.

I don't want to be the "one that got away". What to do?

But maybe that's what you need to be. The "one that got away".

Due man up just ask and if it was going to work why did you ever break up to start with just tell her that you don't want to be the one that got away and see what she say's. Its to easy .

Thank you again everyone for the advice -
This is where we are now. Like I said Friday night she went out on a date and that same night she called me and wanted to go out for a drink. I was out with some friends so I didn't call her back. Than she calls me a couple times on Saturday (I didn't call her back, and her last message on Saturday went like "how come you're not calling me back, at least have the decency to say you don't want to talk to me anymore". So I call her back Saturday - I didn't ask about her date (should I have) we small talk and I tell her I'm going to a party that night and I'll talk to her later. She calls me later that night and asks if she can come over and sleep at my place - of course I say yes. I wind up getting really sick (flu) and Sunday I'm in bed all day. She calls me a few times to see how I'm doing.
Oh yeah and she wanted to know if I she was going to be my date at my friends wedding next month and to RSVP for both of us.

Is she trying without actually saying as much to get back together?

She may want to keep you in the friend zone because she is scared you will move on before she does and might explain why she wanted to stay over at yours the night of the party you went to. Sounds too much like mind games for my liking.

I think she does not want you to move on before she does and once she finds a replacement for you, she will either keep you in the friend zone or cast you away from her life for good.

That does not necessarily mean it will work out for her though but you must forget what life holds for her and get busy living your own life.

Until you realise this, you will forever be her puppet.

Somebody tell me how you stay under the thumb of someone who dumps you? I don't get it. I know for a fact that you can find someone who loves and respects you, and will treat you better, all you have to do is move on, and leave this nutcase alone. Don't you respect yourself?

Somebody tell me how you stay under the thumb of someone who dumps you? I don't get it.


I think the answer to this question is that when you are dumped, yourself esteem plummets to nothing and you are not thinking clearly. You doubt your desirability and worry that you are unlovable. You want the ex back badly because you want to do whatever will work to take away this pain. You try anything to get them back, from "friendship" to no contact (hoping to get them to miss you). At least that is how I remember feeling when on two occasions, I have been under the thumb of someone who dumped me. I loved both of them and had invested a lot in both of those relationships.

Now that I am stronger, I am no longer under anyone's thumb and couldn't imagine being that way any more. But at the time, this is what I was feeling.

Now that I am stronger, I am no longer under anyone's thumb and couldn't imagine being that way any more. But at the time, this is what I was feeling.
Thanks for a very insightful answer Belle, sorry I had to spread the love, but I hope the OP reads your very good response and relates to it.

I don't believe you if you want this girl back, you will have to not be afraid to lose her. She asked if you are going to the wedding together. Tell her if you don't have another girlfriend you might get her to come but you will probably be right. She's still dragging you along. You went to a party the only reasion she wanted to stay was so she new you didn't meet anyone new. You should have said no don't stay im staying at a friends house.

If she asks who say listen we are not together anymore and uintil we are what i do is none of your business we are not a couple at the moment so im living the single life.

Tell her its best if you don't talk as often from now cause your moving on. You must do this she isn't going anywhere hell she went out on a date and rang you on that night.

Take control its sitting in your lap but your too scared too take it.

This is so easy oyou have her where you want her but your to scared to push her away cause you are telling yourself if i push her away then she may go well if she does she doesn't wantyou.

She is not going anywhere all you need to do is show her you want a relationship and she doesnty so your finding someone who does simple.

Keep not answering and then tell her you have another party and if she rings to stay or meet up tell her no you don't think that's a good idea. Remember let her wonder what your doing don't fall for the sex if your not getting it from her she will think your getting it somewhere else.

Get with it push her away she is chassing and you can't see it cause your not strong enough to risk it.

You must do this or she will finally meet someone and put you away and become really mean. Do it now

6 pages of advise, take some! ;] Get a life where your happy without her.

Agrees: airsoccer you hit the nail on the head in my opinion.

airsoccer07disagrees: how can you put that i never said it would you say talk over coffee i say you can't have the talk or coffee if she dont want to duh so the only way to know is to be up front and ask that first the work on where to go next with it ans the qus dont hide

O.K airsoccer07, firstly what you write above makes the least bit of sense to me and perhaps you need to watch the grammar in future.

Secondly, what has my signature about coffee got to do with this guys situation, that is just light humour unrelated to this thread?

Thirdly, I disagreed with what you suggested because although I think that communicating how you feel is important and communication is the key to solving problems in relationships, for this guy, it is already over, he is already in the friend zone. See what tal writes below. In my opinion, tal is spot on, he needs to move on and find someone that will respect him. What you suggested was the complete opposite of what this guy should be doing and while you have a right to an opinion, I disagreed because I thought it was the wrong advice to give him. I also don't think it is hiding which you incoherently describe above, it is called acceptance and moving on, or letting go and finding a better life.

You can disagree again if you like but it won't change my opinion.



Somebody tell me how you stay under the thumb of someone who dumps you? I don't get it. I know for a fact that you can find someone who loves and respects you, and will treat you better, all you have to do is move on, and leave this nutcase alone. Don't you respect yourself??

I am a glutton for punishment.
We went out the other night dinner and a movie and we held hands and kissed (I got her flowers too) I know, I know... so I guess it was a date.

I know that she wants to see other people and I'm free to do so myself (I just haven't yet) anyway I feel that she needs to do this right now; kind of get it out of her system. Before she can commit to me - eventually settle down get married. Is this the right course of action? I guess right now we're just dating? Does that sound right?

Foolish man! Why you putting yourself through this. Don't make my mistakes!

I know I'm putting myself through this - exactly. I know this, I could/should just walk out of her life but I love her so much. And I know she loves me, she is just really confused right now.

You assume way too much, my friend. That's why your headed for a big fall. The last thing on her mind is the rest of her life, as now she just wants to have fun, with as many people as possible. Get with the program. She is not confused at all, she knows what she wants. You on the other hand, have no clue.

Well I can't just go NC because she's my date in a month- which she wanted. I know I'm putting this on myself but it's a lot easier to give advice than to take it. Just curious are any of you actually relationship experts or do you just work off your own experiences? Thanks

Your loss...

You assume way to much, my friend. Thats why your headed for a big fall. The last thing on her mind is the rest of her life, as now she just wants to have fun, with as many people as possible. Get with the program. She is not confused at all, she knows what she wants. You on the other hand, have no clue.

Damn good answer again...

Re-read this..

Spot on again..

Just listen, does this not make sense to you? You are the one who is confused, yes she is doing what you say, but she is far more clued up than you might think, she planned this and knows what she is doing I am sure. I went through all this you are going through, I know it hurts but you have to face the fact that she is gone, pack YOUR bags and move on. I was told that 6 months or so ago and eventually I did once I stopped analyzing everything. You are entitled to be confused and upset but always listen and the pain will heal for you I guarantee you.

It all takes time.

just curious are any of you actually relationship experts or do you just work off your own experiences? Thanks
I have no degrees on the subject, actually I was an engineer during my working days, but my volunteer work put me in a position of a life advisor, and counselor for at risk teens, and convicted felons, looking to stay out of jail. I also counsel youths and adults trying to get clean and stay clean. I'm also a father of two, and raised 3 neices, and have a load of grandkids we juggle, so I guess you can say my degree is from the college of hard knocks. Still Dr Phil has nothing on me, not even hair. What do you expect for free!!

Wow, righthearted... only justifying (if they're really experts) advice you get only gets you more confused. Just because you love someone who is basically playing with you. People on here especially tal have spot on opinions that everyone can see. You're just clingy and blind by your heart that others advice doesn't matter no matter how much we tell you.

What it comes down to is how muchrespect do you have for yourself? What looks like you don't respect yourself let alone how are you going to respect being with someone if you want to marry them? I don't think being in a healthy relationship requires a lot of analyzing on behalf of someone's actions who supposedly loves you, let alone coming here for advice. YOuwouldn't be here asking for advice if you were happy enough to know what you want. What appears to me is a fantasy you think you want. It's like she's treating you like a dog. Here's a treat one of her confusing moves she pulls and you jump at it only because you like what she's *teasing you with* but enough to hope for a big bone.


If I'm wrong, I'm OK with that. Just anyone tell me so I know maybe I can have a better perspective from someone else?

Why do youeven bother to ask qestions, You are getting absolutely no where with this girl I will say this in about a month she will have another guy and you will be seeing no more movies with her no more holding hands with her no more kisses with her NO MORE NOHING YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE BOOT.

IF YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! YOUR Doing ABSOLUTELY THE WRONG THING.

You got her flowers!! She broke up with you the only reason you did this was so you could call it a date!! Ask her if it was A date?? No it was just her taking her dog for a walk to make shore his still on the LEASH!!


She is allowed to see other people! Why do you think this is, THIS IS BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO FIND A BOYFRIEND GEEZ WHAT DO YOU THINK ITS FOR!!
If she really wants to be witgh you is she going to see other people!!

You say well I think this is best to let her do this and she needs it so she can be ready for marriage!! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS GOING TO GO OUT AND MEET OTHER GUYS HAVE FUN THEN SAY RIGHT IVE SCREWD 3 BLOKES IM READY FOR YOU NOW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No Way she is going to just find spome other guy and she will be with him!!

You say well I can't exactly go NC cause she is my wedding date, Why in the world are you taking her to the Wedding!! You know why she wants to go cause she doesn't want you taking anyone else cause she would be jealous!! If she meets another guy before the wedding she won't be going with you! You'll be GONE!!

You must tell her we are not together so why would I take you. If you really want to keep up with this crap you are doing which is not working well at least tell her listen if we are not boyfriend and irlfriend I can't take you to the wedding. She will probably just lie to you anyway and say OK so she can go!!

Have some respect and if you really want her to be with you, leave her alone forget taking her yo the weding forget holding hands forget kissing. Your not even her boyfriend and you are never going to be cause this girl wants a challenge not you all over her!! At least try for one week tell her yourve had enough its either she is your girlfriend or not don't be afraid to lose her oif she says fine let her go if she contacts you then maybe she wants to come back. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF BEING WITH HER WITH WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DONING NO CHACE YES NC NO CHANCE

So I'm sure some of you have read my previous posts - and yes it's been agony/torture doing what I've been doing to myself. Thank you all for your insight and advice.

Anyway, my main question is how can an ex GF not want to be with someone (me) that they know is always there for them and would give them the world (and no I'm not clingy - she was always the clingy one). All my friends tell me that she is crazy for breaking up with me as I've always been good to her- so why would she be willing to just throw all that away.

Just the other day I sent her flowers at her work and she didn't even call me to let me know she got them... I'm going NC I guess from here on out.

And do any of those "How to Get Your Ex Back" books work?

To answer your question 'how can an ex GF not want to be with someone (me) that they know is always there for them and would give them the world?'

Possibly because there is no challenge anymore, possibly because of the very fact that she knows that you will always be there and that she has you no matter what. Don't get me wrong, this quality you describe is what real love is all about, being there for the other person, standing by them through anything. The problem is, to keep that spark alive, there does need to be an element of challenge. If you give 100% of you to her then this makes you less interesting to her. She has you.

This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you but it is all a question of balance. I think a lot of the answers to your question are actually in what you write but you will retrospectively see things differently to how they really are because you believe that you are far too good to her for her to decide to throw such a decent man to the wolves (so to speak). You probably are a decent man who will stand by her through anything... That's great.

If you hold these characteristics then you are true to her and yourself. It may be though that you could find someone who will love and appreciate that about you and you mayu not have found that little miss right yet.

Even so, balance is still very important.

Possibly because there is no challenge anymore, possibly because of the very fact that she knows that you will always be there and that she has you no matter what.

This can be very true for a lot of people. It's easy to take a given for granted and in doing so you lose sight of what's valuable and what's not. With relationships, I think that people become bored with regularity, with the mundane, and with stability, especially if they're young. Girls who have guys that they're unsure of like the intrigue, and the excitement that comes with it; it's a thrill ride, and it's easy to get a high from the thrill of knowing the guy that was on the cusp of abandoning them suddenly pays them attention again.

In short, this girl wants a guy that will challenge her, as Geoffersonairplane said.

Honestly, being 26, I don't like to deal with that crap anymore (actually I never did, but I'm much less tolerant of it now). I look for stable girls that are past that stage, or were never in it to begin with. You seem like the kind of guy who would be very devoted and she can't appreciate that. Logically, she's not the kind of girl you should be with. Maybe a few years down the line, when she's been hurt by morons a few dozen times, she'll see how valuable you are as a man and a human being. But right now, she's just not ready yet. She may never be. You'll just have to accept that.

Why do you think she didn't even call me to thank me for the flowers? And I called her cell phone a couple times the other day and she didn't even get back to me. I know she's been dating a few different guys- I just don't think they can do for her what I did/do.

Although I did do a lot the first 3.5 years the last couple I did say no to her more and didn't give 100% of me to her all the time and I stood up for myself when she b*****D at me. So I guess in the beginning I was a nice guy. Toward the end I was a good guy with back bone. So what was my ex's problem?

I can't even list all the little things that I did for my EX. And yes she did lots for me, but how can she just let all that go? Her not calling me back is really puzzling.

"Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for" - Brad Paisley

Take a long, hard look at you in the mirror - think about this - does she deserve you?

Simple answer - no!

Why do you continue to put yourself through this?

Move on, find someone else and in years to come think back to how badly this girl has treated you, and more importantly how badly you're treating yourself right now!

Women are strange, with a proportion of them (a lot of them posting on this site!) seeming to enjoy being treated badly and putting themselves through hell!

If you're a nice guy, you deserve a nice girl who WANTS to be with you!

Wise up and give yourself a slap fella!

I can't even list all the little things that I did for my EX. And yes she did lots for me, but how can she just let all that go? Her not calling me back is really puzzling.

She doesn't love you.

I know that hurts but that is the answer to your question.

Find someone who will.

I thought that by doing things for the person you love and showing them how you feel would make all the difference,t his is very perplexing to me. I know that there is a difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone" I just can't figure out why she would want to not have that in her life. Don't you want someone that is always there for you, through good and bad- and is always willing to do anything they can do for you. She has even said that I do everything for her and give her everything. Crazy!!

Should I text her to make sure she even got the flowers? For all I know someone else took credit for them.

You can love and want someone with every atom of your being, and you can do nice things for them, and say nice things about and to them and... (... endless list)

NONE of it matters if they don't love you and want you back just as much!

Should I text her to make sure she even got the flowers? For all I know someone else took credit for them.

No, you're just starting to sound plain obsessive now!

Leave her be, she doesn't want to be with you! Don't let this wreck your life!

Should I text her to make sure she even got the flowers? For all I know someone else took credit for them.

No disrespect to you but you are just too much.

You have already said that your not the clingy type but everything you have wrote so far has painted a very different picture.

Take a step back, she got the flowers all right and why do you think she didn't call you?

Think about it.

Read again the responses above, not just from me but from others who have answered this question.

By the way...

I ditto what the others say about her not deserving you.

But you don't deserve her either, no, you deserve someone who will appreciate you and what you have to give in the sense of the qualties that you hold.

Sending flowers to an ex to try and win them back 90% of the time if not more just is not going to work. Likely, it will work against you by pushing her away further and putting you either in the friend zone or the clingy/won't let go type zone.

You don't want to be in either zone do you?

Be in the I am worth more, I am a mature adult who can let go zone.

Then move on.

I think it's kind of rude for her to not even call me, it doesn't seem like her.

I had gone no contact for a little while when we first broke up, and when she called me one night and left half a dozen messages and then called me the next day and said "if you're not going to talk to me at least have the decency to let me know". Should I say something along those lines to her? I haven't called her since yesterday afternoon.

In your previous posts you said that she broke up with you because she feels she wants to grow as a person. If you already know this, why keep pressuring her?

At your age you should recognise a bad situation, this relationship is over, done, dusted, finished, dead. Why keep dragging your heart through this? You don't have long enough on this planet to sit there wallowing and licking your wounds.

If she rings you again, don't accept her calls. Delete her messages, delete her number.

Just walk away. Simple as that. WALK AWAY!

You're right I've got to move on, but it's hard when you love someone so much. It doesn't make it any easier when she lives a mile from me.

Even if she does call me you're saying to not answer or call her back? I can't imagine that she would just end things this way.

Well, imagine it--I think that you should just move on, cold turkey. Yes, it's rude of her, or perhaps she doesn't want you to think you have a fighting chance of getting back together; whatever the case may be, she's made her feelings clear: she's done and wants to move on.

Let her go. Don't try and tell her she's wrong or that she's rude or whatever: she will either become defensive or completely ignore you, which will just make you feel worse than before. It can't end well. So let her go out into the world and screw up on her own; then and only then will she figure things out... hopefully.

My god man! Take the pill to a better life... No the ex back books don't work and are a waste of your money. However they may help you on a better way of life. Everything in those 'books' are on here and are free across the net.

The message everything, these books and everyone gives to you is "get a life without her!" o and where your happy 2 :)

I know what'll happen, I'll move on and she'll come back - this is my life. Call it a gut feeling but I don't think this is how it ends for us. Does the dumpee's ego ever prevent them from wanting to reconcile.

I know what'll happen, I'll move on and she'll come back - this is my life. Call it a gut feeling but I don't think this is how it ends for us. Does the dumpee's ego ever prevent them from wanting to reconcile.

You are in the false hope stage.

This won't or at least should'nt last very long, a few months maybe.

Yeh, false hope. Few months and ull be over it. Just keep on with your life, plan some trips away and get some good experiances in your life.

Don't be so ignorant either! Fck her and what she wants.. its you who's important, in twenty years will you be pining for her? Blimey I had people come and go from my life for many years so have you. Get used to it, its t he only constant, change!

Don't they always come back just to torment you?

The problem is, to keep that spark alive, there does need to be an element of challenge. If you give 100% of you to her then this makes you less interesting to her. She has you.

This I agree so very much with geoffersonairplane. Imagine yourself craving for something like let's say an ice cream,and then when you have, you have half of it and want to throw the rest away... u feel your appetite is done with.Same way here... the girl realized she has you... and left you right there. Don't worry, it happens... learn and make no mistake like this next time. Keep your cards close to your heart. Baring your emotions can be fatal... sometimes though..

The problem is, to keep that spark alive, there does need to be an element of challenge. If you give 100% of you to her then this makes you less interesting to her. She has you.

This I agree so very much with geoffersonairplane. Imagine urself craving for something like let's say an ice cream,and then when you have, u have half of it and want to throw the rest away....u feel your appetite is done with.Same way here...the girl realized she has you...and left you right there. Don't worry, it happens...learn and make no mistake like this next time. Keep your cards close to your heart. Baring your emotions can be fatal...sometimes though..

Excellent analogy diya,

Only thing is, my appetite is never done with ice cream, its just too darn nice. Good job I don't shop for it anymore.

Also, I think that this means that the ice cream knows it has me.

Sorry, I don't know what's happening with my humour today.

No disrespect to the poster by the way with my off topic humour. I realise you are hurting and this is quite a tough time for you and I urge you to re-read the advice you have had so far. Take some time to yourself to think about what it is you need to do to get through all this and you will, I promise.

Geoff I kind of gone off ice cream a bit, I do quite like a snow crème though or a ribenna ice when its sunny!

The problem is, to keep that spark alive, there does need to be an element of challenge. If you give 100% of you to her then this makes you less interesting to her. She has you.

This I agree so very much with geoffersonairplane. Imagine urself craving for something like let's say an ice cream,and then when you have, u have half of it and want to throw the rest away....u feel your appetite is done with.Same way here...the girl realized she has you...and left you right there. Don't worry, it happens...learn and make no mistake like this next time. Keep your cards close to your heart. Baring your emotions can be fatal...sometimes though..

Learn to not give 100% of yourself to someone? Sounds harsh.

Another thing, she's my wedding date in a month- should I go no contact until then or should I just tell her now that I don't want her to be my date (or) that I'm taking someone else (make her jealous). The thing is she used to be friends with the bride (they kind of stopped being friends once we started seeing each other (weird situation) and she was invited to the wedding just not as my date but then we both decided that we would go together. Now that she hasn't called me back since I sent her flowers the other day or yesterday what should I do?

Learn to not give 100% of yourself to someone? Sounds harsh.

Another thing, she's my wedding date in a month- should I go no contact until then or should I just tell her now that I don't want her to be my date (or) that I'm taking someone else (make her jealous). The thing is she used to be friends with the bride (they kinda stopped being friends once we started seeing each other (weird situation) and she was invited to the wedding just not as my date but then we both decided that we would go together. Now that she hasn't called me back since I sent her flowers the other day or yesterday what should I do?

First take a deep breath and Relax. It is quite clear, she is off you right now, so in that situation if I were you, I would act mature, let the days go by NC till the wedding date, won't say anything to her.. all this to make jealous is too childish an act.. and still go to the wedding irrespective she attends it or not. You should have your share of fun with or without someone. It's your life and moments to preserve. IF someone is determined to not be part of your life, to hell with them, there'll be other people to love you.. don't foget to remain happy during the wedding so may find someone charming there... hmmm!

Thanks for the advice, I'm not going to call her/text and I'm in the wedding party so we won't even have to be together that much during the wedding so I'm going to have a great time.

I guess it's her loss - all the little things that I would do for her that meant a lot I hope she misses out on because I don't know if someone else would do what I did for her.
I just can't believe that she wouldn't even call me regarding the flowers that I sent her.

U know most of the times we do certain things for people out of expectations, that is the root cause of being unhappy. Now if you truly loved her, sent her flowers to make her feel happy, u did the best, why should you think she should respond in the same fashion. You love her that makes u do things, she does not, so she doesn't respond. You do your best and as they say leave unto the rest... some way it gets repaid. You did a nice thing by sending flowers, that is a beautiful gesture, it certainly is a loss on the psycological being of the receiving party who doesn't recognize love... so sad isn't it!. so buddy, let this not bog you down, do nice things and something good happens at the right time... I firmly believe in this... be optimistic... hoots to what others r doing...

You definitely make a lot of sense. Thank you again for your advice, I will get through this, I think NC will really help this time around, she's being selfish right now - so should I.

If she really loves me and we were meant to be together she will find her way back to me.

Exactly. Very true. If she does love you, she will find her way back through the path she has led to get back to you.

It has to be hard for her to not even call me right? It's hurtful that she wouldn't even return my calls or thank me for the flowers. It just doesn't seem like something she would do.

One thing we all try to do is figure out why we get dumped. We think of all sorts of reasons they don't love us, after all the love we gave. The thing that our hurt feelings don't let us see, and accept is, they don't love us anymore. The reasons are theirs, and completely irrelevant to you. The only thing you should do at this point, is forget them their motives, or their feelings, and deal with your own. Save yourself the misery and pain, and get to the place where you can resume your life without them. Acceptance, as opposed to denial, will allow you to see what you should be doing for yourself, and not let you waste time trying to find answers that may not be there, and wouldn't make sense anyway. Save the confusion which has you stuck, and let no contact start your healing.

I am starting no contact, it's better this way. This girl really got me - I was always there for her, made sure she was happy, always a gentleman. She could always be herself with me and I with her. I can't imagine she'll find that in a new relationship, I give up.

Right... so stick to your guns buddy... it may be hard in the beginnin, but not impossible... if u make up your mind. Just a matter of time, and u'll be sailing through all of this pretty well... trust me... and don't dig your thots of what, why, if and buts... lead u to too much confusion... give a damn to people who r no more a part of your life... they're out and out forever... what they're doing aorund the globe, should be none of your business... be happy where you are and meet new people... keep moving... good luck.

I just feel like she's making the mistake of a lifetime. I don't want to be the that got away, but I may have to be.

u're still thinking about her , what she's gained and what she has not... One thing is certain you have certainly not learnt anything here... not gained an insight into your personal growth and I am sure what we all are saying here means nothing to you and you come across as a weak willed person... if you think you're not, get her out of your system... NOW.

Believe I am, this is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to go through in my lifetime.

Righthearted...

Stop listening to country music.

My Ex introduced me to country music. And I also have concert tickets to a lot of big shows this summer, hopefully I'll have someone to go with me.

My Ex introduced me to country music.

Yeah... like I said. Stop listening to it. For now.

But then come back, cause it's clearly the best.

Believe I am, this is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to go through in my lifetime.

If this is the toughest thing you've ever had to go thru' then go and ask people who are dying of hunger all over the world, who have no money to feed their kids, who are dying of cancer and other dreadful diseases... mmm if what u're going through is the toughest... then imagine what they'e going through... think about it... what you're facing is much trivial to lot of problems people are facing in their lives... uh!

If this is the toughest thing you've ever ...

Come on, be fair, he said it was "probably the toughest thing I've ever had to go through in my lifetime"

He didn't liken his situation to anyone else's, he didn't compare it to poor or starving people's situations, he's meerly stating how he feels... in pain! I don't think his pain is trivial at all! :confused:

Come on, be fair, he said it was "probably the toughest thing I've ever had to go through in my lifetime"

He didn't liken his situation to anyone elses, he didn't compare it to poor or starving people's situations, he's meerly stating how he feels ... in pain! I don't think his pain is trivial at all! :confused:

Hey, what he needs to realize is that there r tougher things in life and he needs to be strong... if he realizes what I've said above, his problem related to the person who cares about him no more would prove trivial... and though all of us go through these situations, we get stuck, rather than realizing there are so many other problems life put forward that we need to be always be confident to facing them with strength and practicality. Once again I reiterate that if he keeps thinking his problem is one of the toughest he will never be able to emerge a stronger person... period.

But you could respond to 99% of the questions on this site with that answer! (Unless the question was 'Help - I can't afford to feed my starving kids')

Surely if Righthearted thinks this is a really tough situation (and I agree with him) AND we help get him through it he'll be stronger person than if we say it's a trivial situation, get over it!

I just feel like she's making the mistake of a lifetime. I don't want to be the that got away, but I may have to be.

First off, there is more than one perfect person for everyone. Out of the millions in the world, you really think there's exactly one who fits her perfectly? Of course not. She'll meet lots of guys in her life who will be just as good for her as you are, if not better.

And the same goes for you. Move on, knowing that you can do better. It will take time, and you won't always meet someone you like as much as you liked her, but I guarantee there are girls within your grasp that you can be with that will appreciate your stability, your devotion, and your personality that you will like just as much as she.

Like I said, she needs to learn on her own that she doesn't know what a good guy is. You can't just tell her she's missing out on something good: she needs to experience pain and failure for herself. Let her f*k around with idiots for a while. Let her get cheated on, dumped and left for other, lesser women. Life needs to bite her in the a$$ before she gets it. It's the only way she'll learn, if she's capable of learning at all. Harsh, but true.

OK then keep sympathesing with his toughest problem in life and give him a crying shoulder in disguise of saying you're giving him strength... think about it... we need to get him out of it... soon before he posts another depressing suicidal note on this forum...

Whoa-nothing suicidal here, just looking for some advice and to hear how others cope.

I guess the decent/right thing for her to have at done (if it had been me) would've been to call on Monday the day she received the flowers and said thanks for the flowers but I don't think you should be doing these things for me as I don't deserve them if we're not dating. The simple fact that she hasn't returned my calls since Monday or Tuesday afternoon is really mind-boggling. Thoughts??

How long were you with her and how long has the break up been?

Almost 2 years we dated and we broke up almost 2 months ago.

I guess the decent/right thing for her to have at done (if it had been me) would've been to call on Monday the day she received the flowers and said thanks for the flowers but I don't think you should be doing these things for me as I don't deserve them if we're not dating. The simple fact that she hasn't returned my calls since Monday or Tuesday afternoon is really mind-boggling. Thoughts??

First off, there is more than one perfect person for everyone. Out of the millions in the world, you really think there's exactly one who fits her perfectly? Of course not. She'll meet lots of guys in her life who will be just as good for her as you are, if not better.

And the same goes for you. Move on, knowing that you can do better. It will take time, and you won't always meet someone you like as much as you liked her, but I guarantee there are girls within your grasp that you can be with that will appreciate your stability, your devotion, and your personality that you will like just as much as she.

Like I said, she needs to learn on her own that she doesn't know what a good guy is. You can't just tell her she's missing out on something good: she needs to experience pain and failure for herself. Let her f*k around with idiots for a while. Let her get cheated on, dumped and left for other, lesser women. Life needs to bite her in the a$$ before she gets it. It's the only way she'll learn, if she's capable of learning at all. Harsh, but true.

I love this! I would have repped you but need to spread! She needs to have some sh*t, definitely.

No flowers, no calls! Just go out with friends, do anything to keep busy, if you sit at home alone = bad!!

Dude, she is playing you... Don't let her hurt you... You should be thankful she is gone. Now you can be free and do amazing things. To be honest you will find another girl and you will fall in love again... There is always more out there... My ex dumped me and she is hott and amazing, well you can get her. There is always more out there... Dont beat yourself on this one. This is what I do... I acknowledge she is gone and tell myself I feel this way because this is my first relationship and breakup so of course I am going to feel this way. I let myself feel the pain while knowing it's normal and just a process of life and nothing to be taken all too serious. I learned that through this site. Just take it day by day and forget the flowers... Heck, send flowers to somebody else who will appreciate them. It's over my friend. If she doesn't care, then why should you. You are better than that. Be happy without her. I know it's so hard to see right now, but you have something so much better coming my friend! But not if you stay stuck on "Mrs. I Don't Want You". When you have moved on in about 2 more months annd you are with someone else, then it will kill her and you won't even care. Good luck!

The simple fact that she hasn't returned my calls since Monday or Tuesday afternoon is really mind-boggling. Thoughts??
There you go again, wondering about her feelings and motivations, and being confused. You could be more effective and productive, and less confused if you focused on you. Her feelings and motivations are irrelevant to you, because you are no longer the focus of her affections. Why waste time on her??

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am in NC day 2 - what should I do about the wedding in July- leave a message with her and ask her what her intentions are? Or just wait and see what happens.

On the card that I sent her with the flowers all it said was - Just thinking of you, My Name

I know what my feelings are and I am focusing more on me, and I'm not wasting my time on her, but I don't like not knowing things, I'm sure a lot of people can relate. That's why I'm asking people here what they think about where her heads at.

We don't care where her head is at. You are more important to us. Where is your head at? That's the question. We are sure that you can do this. As long as your head is fine, she might as well be giving it... We give 2 rats A--! Hope you are doing good! Let her contact you about the wedding... Live free and carefree, especially upon a relationship that doesn't exist!

u're driving everyone here nuts with same queries over and over... phew! And now I know why she's isn't contacting you. You seem to be obsessed with her.. and that must driven her away.. When you're not with her, then you're acting like this, imagine what you had done while you were with her... now I know... I guess you know what went wrong.. and I know it too... it's futile writing same answers... nothing's going to get into your head... good luck!

You're right I may be obsessing over her now, but that's definitely not what drove her away. She was always the one attached at my hip when we were together, now that she's not with me anymore it's tough to handle. And I'm not contacting her, it's up to her now.

First off, there is more than one perfect person for everyone. Out of the millions in the world, you really think there's exactly one who fits her perfectly? Of course not. She'll meet lots of guys in her life who will be just as good for her as you are, if not better.

And the same goes for you. Move on, knowing that you can do better. It will take time, and you won't always meet someone you like as much as you liked her, but I guarantee there are girls within your grasp that you can be with that will appreciate your stability, your devotion, and your personality that you will like just as much as she.

Like I said, she needs to learn on her own that she doesn't know what a good guy is. You can't just tell her she's missing out on something good: she needs to experience pain and failure for herself. Let her f*k around with idiots for a while. Let her get cheated on, dumped and left for other, lesser women. Life needs to bite her in the a$$ before she gets it. It's the only way she'll learn, if she's capable of learning at all. Harsh, but true.

I know Jiser has already highlighted this post but it really is quite true. Don't fool yourself into thinking that she can't do better than you, don't punish yourself by saying she can. The fact is that there are many good guys and many bad guys out there although I am not sure what percentage of each there are.

This does not matter, she has her own lessons to learn, her own mistakes to make. This is actually nothing to do with how you move forward. So you need to stop thinking about her motivations for doing things and start thinking about you only. Its not selfish, not at all, its actually a mature thing to stand up and say, I am worth more than this, I am going to let go and prove to myself that I can find a life without the ex which is what you should have anyway.

I don't think you will think or feel this way forever. The best thing for you to do right now is to keep busy doing the things you like to do and if you don't have anything or you have lost it somehow, start something, refocus your energy somewhere else. I don't mean refocus onto another woman but something that will draw your mind away from this obsessive (if you can forgive the reference) way of thinking.

I think you are obsessing because:

A.) You are hurting

B.) You (possibly) have nothing else to occupy your mind

The first one will fade during the natural course of time, the second you can do something about.

So make this positive step today, tomorrow, whenever but the sooner the better otherwise you will forever be stuck in a state of limbo and that's not a nice place to put yourself.

I think you don't need to ask the question on what you should do about the wedding in July. Just go and celebrate your friend's wedding! Be yourself, meet some nice girls out there, just open up yourself.

As for the flowers and the card, u said you had your name on it, so she knew you were the one who sent it. Not getting back to you? Then just leave it up to her, you've done all you can do and no one can ever read other people's mind. Just let it be.

Let me just preface this by saying I am moving on, slowly but surely- but I am moving on.

Last Sunday my EX and I talked and she told me that she couldn't tell me what I wanted to hear (us getting back together). So she kind of left my house in a bad way, saying we weren't accomplishing anything talking. I also should say that the previous night (Saturday) I asked her if she wanted to get together and do something and she said she was kind of tired from work but would call me and let me know. She never called me and when I asked her what she did, she said that she ended up watching a movie with someone who's quite a distance. Anyway the next day Monday, I picked up coffee and brought it to her house but she was in the shower so I left it with her sister. She called me later that afternoon and left a message letting me know she was in the shower when I stopped by. I didn't call her back, I felt bad the way Sunday night ended so I sent her flowers to her work - she never called me back and didn't all week. So Friday morning I left a message with her telling her that I understand that it might be difficult for her to call me back and if she wanted to she knew where to find me. I can't figure out why she won't even return my calls/messages. She's avoiding the situation and it will only make it that much more awkward because we've got the wedding in a few weeks. I'm in the wedding party and will have a good time but at the same time I don't want people to be mean/rude to her. My friends wife already has asked not to be seated at the same table with her. I'm torn by what's going on- I asked the bride to be seated with my EX and if it's possible to have one of my best friends sit with us, but I don't think she's going to sit him with us. I still love my EX, but my friends are being negative about the situation.

Girls out there why won't she at least have the decency to call me back?