She probably doesn't even know how to react to things herself and she may be trying to sort things out in her own head. My advice is to let her be. I know you still care, but don't send flowers, stop by, or call. Let her be. You've let her know you are still there, so if she wants to talk to you, she will. But don't sit there waiting.

She ditched you for someone who is quite a distance? Who would that be?

She's been casually going out on dates meeting new people - this is one of them. Now that she won't even return my calls I have no idea where we stand, I just want some closure. And no I'm not calling/texting her. Could she not be calling me back responding to me because she doesn't want to hurt me while all this is going on?

She's been casually going out on dates meeting new people - this is one of them. Now that she won't even return my calls I have no idea where we stand, I just want some closure. And no I'm not calling/texting her. Could she not be calling me back responding to me because she doesn't want to hurt me while all this is going on?


Sounds like you have your closure. She is going on casual dates... and she doesn't contact you. Give it closure. Do the same. Move on... she is. Save yourself the heart ache and don't wait around for her to bring closure. She already gave you her answer. She just didn't say it right out. But her actions speak louder than her words.

Now is the time to work on yourself. Don't contact her... don't email... call... text... write... send flowers... cards... gifts... use telepathy... whatever. You are just going to drag out your healing longer.

Focus on you... Hobbies... friends... Go to the gym. Keep yourself busy. Heal. That is the best thing you can do.

I feel like I deserve better than to have her just completely drop off like she has. Yes she's avoiding contacting me now, but what will she do in a month when we're supposed to be at the same wedding together. She wanted to be my date even though we had already broken up.

She is dating others. Doesn't that hurt you. She probably kissed them or worse and yo will never know... You still want her back? I know what you are going through. Believe me. But I know my ex was talking to someone, and that helps me move on... Not want her more!

If they paid you to be miserable and confused you would be rich beyond your wilddest dreams. Cancel the wedding date, and leave her alone. No contact. See, no confusion with that suggestion.

The best thing for you to do is! Show her your busy forget about those flowers and coffee you do that when your w/ her she's your ex... show her your way to busy to be doing all this stuff... and your happy w/out her.. its real attractive when she will find that out...


Also her calls: don't be convienent!! Your trying to get her back.. her knowing your already on her case will make her play games w./ you... if she calls you miss that call... you already know she prob won't call back.. but you do know she will call back one day... pick up.. make it short... hang up... limit all your talking for awhile give her the chance to miss you and you should show her that your happy... 2 can play that game...

My EX won't return my calls (only a couple times) she just stopped taking my calls all together, I would never do this to her and she even left me a message once about having the decency to call her and tell her that I didn't want to talk to her after I didn't take her calls for a couple of days.

Is it her way of dealing (not) with the break up? I was thinking of writing her an email asking her about it. Any suggestions?

Forget her, leave her alone, I was in your boat and it was making me worse.

Let go and get busy, find something to take your mind of her and if she cares then she will contact you my friend.

Umm... You are broke up. If the break up ended in a bad way or even on descent terms, then I can't see why she wouldn't want to move on with her life. Move on yourself and let her go. Good luck!

Should I ask for closure? I deserve better than the no call tactic.

This is weird but you are asking what I asked 8 weeks ago and I'm now the one giving the advice.

I was in the same boat, I wanted closure and I deserved better but at the end of the day the world is not black and white, sometimes these things happen, look at my past posts and see for yourself, in fact look at a lot of the other posts.

Move on my friend, don't contact her at all, it only makes things worse and will give you false hope.

Just want closure and I deserve it.

You do deserve it, you are right about that.

I can only add that its up to her, don't pressure her though, give her time and space and you might get what you want.

I'm not pressuring her, you think an email would be pressure? I was just going to email her and ask her why she didn't get back to me.

This is what I was thinking -

"Against my better judgement and common sense I thought I'd write you- I'm not sure what this can accomplish or where it will go but it will help me feel better.

I know you're trying to move on and all I want is for you to be happy I just thought I deserved better and it hurts me that you wouldn't even let me know what you were feeling by not calling me back. If you don't want to talk to me anymore at least tell me- maybe I should take a hint. I just thought that after everything we had and shared together that it wouldn't just end like this."

If you think that is best then go for it, but for your own sake make that the last one, if you get a reply then happy days go from there, if you don't then I would cease contact with her

Good luck man

I'm putting the email together and may or not send it. I'll let you know. Thanks!

Did you send something similar to your EX?

Yea I did and it got me nowhere, in fact it delayed the emotions I had to go through.

Ok guys, I've bn through this... writing email is definitely bad... for two reasons:
Firstly, if the girl has stopped taking your calls, either she is playing games, checking your patience or simply moved on keeping you as an option(so hasn't told you yet! ),
Secondly, because she hasn't told u, therefore it goes without saying that your email would be deemed as a kind of manipulation to get her to be touch with u(though it's not true)...
So my point is that you take a back seat for now... I know you hv an urge to write to her which ideally you should, but with people like these who don't give clear answers, you should act the way they do... naturally as of today,she is not bothered about how you're feeling, so why really show your emotions to someone who doesn't bother... I kept writing emails, but the guy won't budge.. would lead me on by one liners like... "hey this is not the case, don't think like that" and boom.. days on end I would again wait for the calls... haha... so drop it right here.. bulls to people like these

She just gave you closeure by not returning your phone call... leave her alone its hard real hard and we all sound bad but were trying to help if she loves you... she'll come back right now she's doing her own thing time for you to do yours also

I just went through this with my ex, but I was in your ex's position. I told him I needed space and that we should slow down and he said he couldn't do that so I had to break it off for my own sanity. He then kept calling, and calling, and texting and emailing and telling me that he needed closure. All it did was aggrivate me that he wouldn't move on and leave me alone. I wanted to stay on friendly terms with him but that didn't happen. If you are on good terms now, don't screw it up by harassing her with phone calls and emails. If she wanted to talk to you then she would. Just let her come back to you. You never know, by then you might be in a wonderful relationship with the girl of your dreams. But you will never know if you sit around waiting on a girl that doesn't feel the same way you do.

I think she is sending a strong message to leave her alone.



If they paid you to be miserable and confused you would be rich beyond your wilddest dreams. Cancel the wedding date, and leave her alone. No contact. See, no confusion with that suggestion.
by T-Man yesterday.

__________________

Well she just called my house and left a message - what's the deal?

Hi, I was just having a quick check in and I couldn't help but notice you need help righthearted. So I went back through your posts and had a quick check...

Let me tell you one thing now. You Must stop all contact with your ex. I know the pain of not receiving closure, but you will one day realise you need closure from nobody. No one owes you anything although you may say they do and honest people would give you closure but girls like yours do NOT care.

Closure will not change anything at all, you will tell yourself closure will let me know what is going on and I will feel better. Well if you think this well close this relationship yourself. If she doesn't give you closure give it to yourself, say to yourself I am ending this relationship because I am not taking this. Don't need to tell this to anyone but yourself. Walk away DO NOT CONTACT her what would you possibly get out of that.

At the moment she is not coming back and if she ever wants to she knows how to get in contact with you!! If you keep contacting her you will never give her the chance to realise she may want to contact you.

If she does not contact you it will not be because you didn't contact her it will be for the simple reason that she does NOT want to speak to you and although you say well she asked me why I didn't return her calls. WHO CARES she dumped you its over if she wants you back she will tell you.

I will give you the closure you need right now. CLOSED!!

Please take this advice try your best to never think of her again, its so hard but that is how this will be. Like I said if she wants you she can contact you...

Thanks Mac.
That's my point she just did contact me after a little over a week of not returning my calls. I'm not going to call her back immediately - I'm too busy.

Leave Her Alone, Leave Her Alone, Listen to talaniman, nothing good will come of it. It's over for right now and she is sending the message. You need to send your own message by not responding and getting it together. She got the other messages, that is guaranteed. The closure is in the no response, regroup and get it together, and when she contacts you decide how you want to respond after being treated like that.

Why you ringing her? You don't have a relationship with this person. Accept it and start the transition to singleton.

I rang her over a week ago and she finally called me back - she contacted me. So I'm going to NOT call her back and see if she calls me AGAIN.

I really think your holding out hope for getting back with her even though you call it closure. I realise it take time and hard work to get back from limbo, but dealing with reality, must start with being honest with yourself and dealing with those feeings... honestly. Sorry your putting way too much on her, instead of you, in my opinion.

Right... She is just playing games with you and you will get false hope now. I'm glad you didn't answer. Now she may be wondering... When she calls again keep it short and tell her everything is okay and ask if she is okay and then say you have to go because you have something to do. Then adios amigo!

It's the end of the road, you either stop here and don't go anywhere or you take the turning and make a life of yourself.

Bit like a treadmill. Forgive the analogy. You run but you don't go anywhere, your not making any effect apart from tiring yourself out and getting healthy of course lol :P

But if you step off the treadmill you move on, you have places to go? So choose where you ona be, stuck or gone :P

Why is SHE calling me back if she wants closure from all of this - God knows I do. I'm moving on but I don't know why she's calling me.

Block her number! Block everything. If you want to be healthy then make the effort or be stuck where you are in several months time. Your choice, were the only ones who can start the process of changing our lives.

This is so confusing. I still love her and I'm trying to move on and if she's doing what she wants to do while we're not together why's she still calling me? Any women have any insights?

As I said block her.

And if she keeps calling? Isn't it rude for me to not return calls. I know I don't appreciate it when people don't return my calls.

Your in your own world here. Do you not see? The relationship is over, let it go for your own sake. I am sorry but you gota let this one lie.

My EX won't return my calls (only a couple times) she just stopped taking my calls all together, I would never do this to her and she even left me a message once about having the decency to call her and tell her that I didn't want to talk to her after I didn't take her calls for a couple of days.

Is it her way of dealing (not) with the break up? I was thinking of writing her an email asking her about it. Any suggestions?
When my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me I wrote hima letter telling him how I felt and at the end wrote ' the rest is up to you' if you don't hear anything she must be a!! END OF!

I understand that it may be over but can anyone tell me why she bothered to call me back 9 days later? Apologizing for not calling me back sooner.

Well in that case can anyone explain why my ex took £60 worth of presents off me just days after dumpin me?

Oh wait I know, its because she's a

WOMAN!!

Most probably that she has moved on,forget her,she's your ex and move on because she isn't worth your time and isn't showing any interest to you.

From a woman's perspective: I think you should just take the call next time she calls. If she starts telling you how much she misses you and wants you back, "Tell her that she needs to move on and that you are trying to move on yourself". If she starts in on the I miss you crap then more than likely you are her back up. Some women, I say this because I use to be like this, need a man in their life. It is a security blanket knowing that you have someone there and you are not alone. Don't let her hurt you again. I have done this to guys before and now that I am older, I realize how cruel it was to tag them along for my own satisfaction of having someone. And just so you know Zooropa, not ALL women take men for their money and run! ;)

I know what you're saying a lot. Should I at least listen to what she has to say before I tell her to move on. What if she really wants to try again.

Before you tell her to move? I thought she has moved on already... You need to tell yourself to move on. I'm going through the same thing. It's been 2 weeks since no contact from my ex... And it hurts to know that but I'm sure everything will work out in the end. I left everything in good terms, but I don't think I will take her back now. It got to the point of too much. She doesn't have the decency to call and see if I'm okay or how I'm doing. So forget her now... I'm a bit pissed off while missing a little bit of her... I am doing much better though and I'm sure you will be fine as well... I received a private call two days ago and another at work today so it may be her... But I don't know. I find myself a little weak this week.

The fact that she went for this long without talking to you or even taking your calls is not a good sign that she would be sincere in her reasoning for getting back with you. If she was truly in love with you and you broke up, she wouldn't have taken so long to contact you because she would have missed you. She is probably at the point right now to where she is a little lonely and wants someone to be around so she is falling back on you. Don't be the Fall Back Boy. All it leads to is heartbreak down the road. I think you deserve a much better girl that will love you for you and not jerk you around like this girl is doing. Like I said, take her call, tell her you are trying to move on and she should too. Tell her you don't like sitting around wondering if she will come back and you want to get on with your life. Things will work out for you man. Just give it time and things will drop into place. If you are tired of waiting for her to call back then just give her a ring and tell her the same thing. Just have a strong sincere voice when your talking to her and see how she reacts. Good luck

But she did call me back on Monday, I may call her sometime next week. I don't know.

How long were you with her? It sucks after all that time together and the wonderful memories... they can just up and leave like nothing! And just forget about all the great moments! We thought they were the one for us, but obviously not.

Almost 2 years. Should I call her back at least?

You had fun moments with her? Made each other laugh and were very happy to see each other at one point?

NO CALLS! Stop this!

No CALLS. WHY bother

If she calls you goOD!!

Stop THIS RIGHT NOW UNTIL SHE CALLS YOU She's AS GOOD AS DEAD IN YOUR EYES...

Don't Bother Calling Her... she Knows That Your Going To Call Her That's Why She Doesn't Waste Her Time To Call You... just Leave Her Alone... I Bet You If You Don't Call Her She Is Bound To Call You... shes Going To Call You Because She's Going To Want To Know Why Your Not Calling Her..

Hi everyone back here again and need some advice, I'm not going to act until I get a response from someone here. Yesterday my EX and I talk and she tells me that she's dating someone new (that she's in love with him) and that she would really like to still be friends with me. I tell her that I can't do that and I'm not going to contact her anymore. But before I tell her this I ask her if she can truly tell me that she doesn't love me anymore I won't bother her anymore and won't contact her ever again -she pauses and then tells me that she doesn't love me. I say good bye. And that's it. Now today I see that she called me ten times and wants to talk and doesn't like the way our conversation ended. Advice? Suggestions?

Dude she's in love with you just go and talk to here nicely and give her a hug whin its over

She Still Loves You! If She Loved The Other Guy Like She Claims She Does, She Wouldn't Be Calling You

She definitely still loves you if she loved him she would not even be thinking abouyt you. Trust me on this. When you want someone else you don't call the person you don't want!! You know why because you don't care about them so why the hell calkl.


People must realise the reason the get a call from the ex in most cases is because the ex still has feelings and wants to see if they can get back in. Problem is to many losers jump at the oppiortuinityu when this is the time to builkd the aniety that your ex is feeling. She is bordering on wantinh g you if you jump her leel will drop and you may lose. If you resist her level will definitely rise. Send her a message please stop calling I'm moving on, tell her I care about you but not in that way anymore. Bye. That is a great comment shows you care and gives her some hope but at the same way it creates a challenge that she has to gain you back she will think well he still cares I can change his mmind and she will pursue you. After a bit tell her you told me you were in love with the other guy and you will probably be better off with him anyhow. Ang up act like your past that you don't need it and you klnow what you relaallyy don't bo. You can get her back here but definaetly play very yes VERY hard to get you need to do this cause if you go easy your out of the game anyhow. Cause while you chase or make it too easy this other guy may drop off and become a challenge.

So should I not call her back? I'll see her at a wedding in a couple of days- should I wait to contact her until then.

Thanks again everyone for your advice.

I say don't contact her. Avoid her at the wedding.

So she didn't like the way the conversation ended. Girls never do when they end that way. A lot of girls, unfortunately, like to keep guys hanging, keep several guys "on the string" so there's at least one around at all times. It has happened that way throughout history; it still happens today.

If you reconnect with her, I bet a dozen donuts that, within two weeks, you will be asking us what to do because she went back to the guy she "really loves".

So, while loving you she's seeing some one else instead of trying to get back with you and you only, what would happen if she went back with you and have feelings for some other guy also? Call him too? the problem here is that you can't let her go either, and think that if you get back together with her it will all be the same as it was before the break up.

Not quite sure what you're saying.

Ha ha, OK, never mind.

I think you should connect with her and give it 1 more chance. Tell her that you'll either be her lover or nothing. If she loves you she should be with you and if she doesn't don't contact her. It's about her coming to you if she loves you

I don't see where everyone sees she loves you. She told you she is with someone else and she even said she is in love with him. You asked if she loves you and she said no... It's beyond over. Why can't you see this? I know you will call back either way so just call and say it's me or nothing and I bet she will choose nothing. Then move on! Good luck!

I dont see where everyone sees she loves you. She told you she is with someone else and she even said she is in love with him. You asked if she loves you and she said no...It's beyond over. Why can't you see this? !

So why did she call him so much after?
Actions speak much more than words and after saying she doesn't love him but still calling is probably a sign? Who knows I may be wrong but you never know. Give it a chance. If nothing then move on because it's just not worth it.

I didn't call her back and she called me twice this morning saying she wanted to talk about how we were such good friends and that she didn't want things to end the way they did. In our previous conversation I specifally said that I don't want friendship if she's dating someone else- period.
She said I was enjoying not calling her back and that the wedding tomorrow will be really awkward. It won't be for me, she told me everything she had to say the other day - so I have no freakin' clue why she's calling me now.

Find out and then let us know. Call her back now!

So she didn't like the way the conversation ended. Girls never do when they end that way. A lot of girls, unfortunately, like to keep guys hanging, keep several guys "on the string" so there's at least one around at all times. It has happened that way throughout history; it still happens today.

This advice is key, because it gets to the heart of what she's thinking.

Also, I think she just wants to see what you do; will you cave in and call her? Can she have you eating out of her hand? Will she dominate your thoughts day in and day out? She wants to (indirectly) control you and make sure you're still thinking about her. It's a game, don't play it.

I think Wondergirl's observation is good. Very good. This should be tattooed on girl's backs, instead of those stupid calligraphic lines everyone's into.

You have seen in other posts, how females like to keep you confused and full of false hope, so you will be unable to move on, and she still keeps you available to them, if her current relationship fails. All of this under the guise of friendship. She doesn't care if your hurting from the break up at all, and as long as you call her back, this calling you will continue, and leave you with more questions than answers. Take back control of your life, and stop playing her game, by leaving her alone, and break the spell of confusion. Kick her to the curb, the same way she did to you.

So the advice is to not call her and avoid her at the wedding? I don't want any drama at this wedding, I'm in the wedding party and believe it or not we're sitting together at the same table.

I would leave it. I doubt she still loves you, she just doesn't want to lose you as a friend and is probably upset that you won't remain friends with her (I don't blame you though!)

Should I at least call her and tell her - "you said that you're dating someone else and that you don't love me, i accepted that and said that i can't be friends with you because i still have feelings for you, so we can't be friends while you're dating someone else".

Hmm I think that's a very good reply to her.
If she loves you she'll come back
If she doesn't, it's less painful to move on

should i at least call her and tell her - "you said that you're dating someone else and that you don't love me, i accepted that and said that i can't be friends with you because i still have feelings for you, so we can't be friends while you're dating someone else".
No, why give her the chance to run her game through your head?? Don't go for that. Your action will be better than your words, since she knows how you feel already.

I don't want her to make a scene at the wedding.

Her quote- why won't you call me back? I guess I'll just see you at the wedding, should be fun (she ends that with sarcasm).

Just left a message with her- I'm calling you back, not really sure what you want to talk about after we talked the other day, I've got the rehearsal dinner tonight so I won't be around until later on tonight if you want to talk.

Bro u don't need that... the truth she wants to make you jealous that she's in love... she believes her own lies... she knows she loves you... trust ignore her... if you want her back then ignore her and she will eventually come back to you... same happened to me

If you know my story my ex is making a point to make sure I know she has a boyfriend. Don't do this to yourself. It fine now but I now if I ever saw my ex with some new dude I would get jealous. Is she bring this clown to the wedding.

No she's not, she's supposed to be my date. I just talked to her and told her that there isn't any bad feelings- that if she's moved on then I'm ready to as well. She said that it will be awkward, I should've said than don't go. It's my friends wedding and I'm in the wedding party so I'm going to have a great time.

She also said that she doesn't have anything to wear and hasn't picked up a present yet... that's when I said the bride and groom are your friends too (she says they're not anymore - I say they're as much your friends as you want them to be).

I'll be checking in later on for more advice- thanks again everyone.

If she's into some other guy already would any of this really matter? I don't know.

No It wouldn't matter. If you met someone I don't think you would be here talking about it. You would care less about her. Well if their not her friends anymore why is she going?

So basically she has stopped you from making any back-up plans for the wedding??

Just tell her its You're either her lover or nothing, because it's painful and nearly impossible to move on as just being a friend when she's got another man and you still have feelings for her.

I wasn't looking for backup plans for the wedding. Like I said I'm going to have a lot of fun at the wedding, she can do whatever she wants to do. I just don't get why she's calling me (10x) if she's already told me that she's moved on - in a new relationship - doesn't love me anymore. I just don't get it.

Get this, she is keeping you on a string for later use, and she has to go to the wedding to prove you are still there for her. It will be just like old times and you will be confused. That's the whole point. Keep you confused and on her string.

It seems like everybody's saying that she's playing a game. I don't know her and I don't know you, but I believe she might be very confused herself. However, if she's the type who collects ex-boyfriends, it's clear that she might be playing a game. I can't tell, but...

First, she said she doesn't love you anymore.

Then, she realized that she lied to herself and that she actually still loves you.

In the end, she didn't like the way your conversation ended because that would've meant letting go off you.

Obviously, she's not ready to let go off you... so, she desperately called you back hoping that she'll make things right before it's too late.

What about giving her one last chance? She might be thinking about you when she's with the other guy. :rolleyes:

What about giving her one last chance? She might be thinking about you when she's with the other guy. :rolleyes:
The key here is she is with another guy.

The key here is she is with another guy.

So what?

She's with the other guy, but she's calling her ex...

So what?

She's with the other guy, but she's calling her ex...

Why can't she leave the ex if coming back was her goal??

Righthearted,

Can you please give us details concerning your break-up with this girl?

How long have you been together and how long has it been since you broke up?

Why did you break up? What happened?

What did she do afterwards?

For how long has she known this new guy she's with?

Thanks.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=1536002

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=1536002

OK. I get it now.

Stay away from her! :rolleyes:

Can you please give us details concerning your break-up with this girl?
- we were together for almost 2 years, always together she was very much dependent on me. She tells me that she can't continue being together because she didn't see a future for us
How long have you been together and how long has it been since you broke up?
- we broke up almost 2 months ago, but we really never went no contact.
Why did you break up? What happened?
- we broke up mostly I think because she's young (22) just out of college, not too many friends or own interests.
What did she do afterwards?
- started dating, going out with other guys, then she tells me that she's in love with some guy 2 hours away who has his own baggage.
For how long has she known this new guy she's with?
- a little over a month, but they've only seen each other 4x (long distance)
Thanks.

thanks for your advice - in advance

- UPDATE -
So my EX tells me that she made a mistake and that she wants to try again. I don't know how I feel about things. She tells me that she misses me and that's when I tell her that I missed her for 3 months and now feel like I don't know if things can ever be the same again. I told her I didn't know how I felt, but that we can take things reeeeally slowly.
Thoughts?

- UPDATE -
So my EX tells me that she made a mistake and that she wants to try again. I don't know how I feel about things. She tells me that she misses me and that's when I tell her that I missed her for 3 months and now feel like I don't know if things can ever be the same again. I told her I didn't know how I felt, but that we can take things reeeeally slowly.
Thoughts? What are other peoples experiences?

So I guess she found out that it wouldn't work with the ex, and since your still on the string SHE'S BAAAAACK!!
Ain't that much love in the world, to crawl out of the crap hole and then want to crawl back.
In this case, slow is for turtles, and you need to take the time, without pressure from her, to evaluate your feelings AFTER you are healthy enough to think clearly, and make a good decision. She didn't take the time to get over the ex, and then you came along, and she still went back to the ex, and now she wants you back. This is insanity, and you should want no part of it, unless you are as crazy and confused as she is. Get off this string, as she is not ready for a real relationship, but does need to get herself together. So unless your happy being a rebound AGAIN, and a crutch for her confusion, you need to leave her alone for a long while, and get your own life without her.

So I guess she found out that it wouldn't work with the ex, and since your still on the string SHE'S BAAAAACK!
Ain't that much love in the world, to crawl out of the crap hole and then want to crawl back.
In this case, slow is for turtles, and you need to take the time, without pressure from her, to evaluate your feelings AFTER you are healthy enough to think clearly, and make a good decision. She didn't take the time to get over the ex, and then you came along, and she still went back to the ex, and now she wants you back. This is insanity, and you should want no part of it, unless you are as crazy and confused as she is. Get off this string, as she is not ready for a real relationship, but does need to get herself together. So unless your happy being a rebound AGAIN, and a crutch for her confusion, you need to leave her alone for a long while, and get your own life without her.


I think there's some confusion. She didn't go back to an EX. We broke up almost 3 months ago after being together for almost 2 years. She dated during that time; I didn't. Now she tells me that she made a mistake and wants to try again. I told her that I don't know what I want now, and that we need to take things slow, as far as reestablishing anything.

Well, why did you break up the first time?

She's younger (22), and was unsure about our future. Basically didn't know if I was the one she wanted to settle down with.

Well maybe now she has it all out of her system, I mean maybe she is ready to settle down and be committed.

This is a total coin flip in my opinion! 50/50 I know I have taken people back into my life before and it has ruained whatever friendship we might have had. I thought they might be differnet or they might have changed, but low and behold they had put this wonderful front up and I fell for it and got my heart stepped on!

But at the same time the guy I am with right now (he just turned 24, and I am younger) we were seeing each other a few years ago but he said that I was too young to know what I wanted and that things would never work out, so he called it quits and we didn't talk to each other again... I was heart broken as you can imagine. I really wanted to be with him.

But then last year the falme was reunited and we have been together just over a year now and we are incredibly happy!! When we got together officially as a couple he apologized for brushing me off but I thanked him for what he did! If we would have been together then things would have never worked out

I agree... she could've gotten it all out of her system and is ready to settle. Or she could get back together and remember what it was that made her want to be "free". I've never really had good experiences with taking ex's back, but I always do it. I think you're going about it the right way and go VEEERY slowly. Make sure she knows what she wants. If she ends up wanting you, then things can be the same and even better than they were.

My reference was to the guy she was dating, sorry to confuse you. I still think you both need down time from any relationship for now. Sorry, but neither of you sounds very healthy emotionally right now.

Listen Rigt heart your in for one hell of a shock but this is what has happened...

She decided she didn't want you she wanted this other dude probably cause sghe didn't see hiu very often girls who are 22 love guys who are never around its called missing them not loving them. She doesn't love you she misseds you and you know what it obviously didn't work with the other guy you know why he was to far away so that's why she came running back ti you but this will happen again in about 3 montrhs I gaarantee you that let her go . I know you won't you will take it slow and steady because you still want her.

You are best bet would be ti do this aktough MORALLY wrong get back with her don't give her all your time just here and there and while you are with her be on the look out for another hot girl and when you find her leave the ex you will feel mnuch better with a new girl and she will respect you more and you will be able to get one easier while you have this current one and then you can use her a s the back up plan/. Its unheaklthy but your heart won't heart as much and when you find the new girl you will be fine anbdstuff her

There is no way you can convince me she has left this other guy and wants to be back with you after only a few days.

I'm in the wedding party and believe it or not we're sitting together at the same table.
Did something happen that we need to know??

Nothing happened, she told me a couple of days after the wedding that she made a mistake and wanted to try again. That's when I said that we would need to go slowly with things- that I'm not sure how I feel anymore and that we would need to work on things that needed to be worked on. (i.e. spending all our time together, dependency, her not being able to have her own identity).
We'll see what happens.

Is it wrong to read a current/ex's emails without them knowing it?

Yes. That is a HUGE invasion of privacy.

Why do you feel the need to invade their privacy? How would you feel if you found your current partner or ex was reading your emails?

Not only is it wrong, but it may be illegal. Unauthorized access to a private computer system violates US Federal law.
'

That's wrong every way that you look at it. Not only is it illegal, but you are also MAJORLY violating personal space...

Uh, yeah. That's the kind of thing that should get a person kicked to the curb immediately.

If it's an ex, it counts as stalking, and is most likely already a criminal offense where you are.

I'm not saying I'M the one doing this, I think someone is reading my emails. I don't know how they are though.

Contact a computer expert?

I would change your passwords.

Is it wrong to read a current/ex's emails without them knowing it?
YES.

- UPDATE -- UPDATE -

Well 2 weeks later and we've hung out and such, she also stayed over my place last week. We talked at length last week and she says that she knows that I'm the one that she would settle down with and marry- our compatibility is incredible. She says that if we get back together, that it means it's for the long haul (eventual marriage). She also promises that I'm not the back up plan and that she's got to make up her mind soon - which I agreed with. I didn't talk to her over the weekend because she had a lot of family visiting and I didn't talk to her yesterday- waiting for her to call me. I really feel that she is afraid/scared it's almost like she has to figure out if she wants to spend the rest our lives together. Also not helping matters her family isn't totally in agreement for us to get back together (being protective) and I'm going on vacation in a couple of weeks.
Well that's where we're at - I'm not putting pressure on her.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Change your passwords is the best way to stop someone. If he can access your emails he can most likely change your password to where you can't get into your own email. So hopefully you do it first. Also maybe there is a virus out there that allows him to see your files, but I think that is only possible with programs like Outlook Express... I doubt the person knows how to mak a comp virus if he isn't some high tech nerd

I hope I'm wrong but she is feeding you a line of complete BS! You seem to get enough to stay at a distance(false hope) but not enough to be happy. Take time to get your own thoughts and emotions together without her feeding you her side. You do have some say over this relationship, not just her.

So the saga continues and this morning I finally told myself enough is enough. I know some of you are familiar with my story but basically I finally told my EX whom I love with all my heart - "don't call me anymore until you know what you want". We've been doing the I don't know what I want crap for over a month meanwhile she goes out with this guy who she knows she has no future with. I came to this decision and I told her flat out "I have to do this for me, don't call me anymore until you know what you want".

Any ideas on what will/could happen? Thanks for all your support and guidance over the last few months.

From this post, I think personally you made the right decision.

It is important to do what is best for you and your ex needs to make decisions best for them.

The back and forth and going out with different people. Obviously she does not know what she wants.

Yes, you did the right thing and as far as what could and will happen, who really knows. Just live your life and not worry about her anymore.

Joe

Remember you telling them not to call you does not mean they won't, so you may have to be strong enough not to answer their calls either.
Ex's will call just to mess with you because they can and want to.

Telling you what we think will happen in the future is like expecting us to look into crystal balls. Sorry, but mine broke when I was old enough to realize that there is no guarantee in any relationship. We can trust and hope for the best, but that still does not wind up being a sure-thing.

Is this the girl you 'talked' about since July? Well,then I can 'guess' what might happen - and believe me it's not good for you.

This yoyo life your are leading is going to make you physically and mentally sick.

I suggest you dismiss this chapter in your life and get a new perspective, if you can forget your obsession.

You could ask yourself one question... what will your life be like without all the trouble you've experienced through this particular relationship?

It's your choice to make, and I wish you all the best. Keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_14.gif

Thanks. We talked before and she said that I would be the one she'd marry and settle down with but that she's confused and doesn't know right now if she can make that commitment. By me telling her this now she has to come to grips and realize that she can't yo-yo me anymore and really has to evaluate things. And believe me I'm totally okay with things there's no turmoil/down in the dumps poor me stuff anymore. I've already been down that road.

We'll see what happens I guess.

That is all you can do. You need to let it go and she needs to get all her stuff together. It is better you do this now, instead of it happening while your together, or married or worse have kids as well. You do not want it to happen then. It is better you do it now. Which you did. So please do not wait to see what happens. Just go on and do your own thing now.

I completely agree with you.

I think many people need to learn to speak like you do!
Good job, short, simple and clear!:)

Thanks.

"Which you did. So please do not wait to see what happens. Just go on and do your own thing now."

I completely agree. What if she contacts me and wants to get back together.

"Which you did. So please do not wait to see what happens. Just go on and do your own thing now."

I completely agree. What if she contacts me and wants to get back together.

Take the old horse out back, place loaded rifle against shoulder, and aim.

As simple as that, or do you want more of what she dished out. If that's the case, you obviously are into pain.

Stay firm and tell her flat out - NO.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_33_16.gifDon't let her drive you to this point...

Probs won't happen. You can deal with it when or if that comes up. You will probably say no!

Sorry about this but I'm back looking for some MORE advice. After I told my EX not to contact me until she knew what she wanted we "bumped" into each other and we ended up hanging out all last week and we even spent my birthday together. So I'm thinking everything may be working out between us until she tells me that she's going to see this other guy next weekend-I wasn't sure she was still in contact with him, she hasn't seen him for a month (who lives a distance away, so of course she's spending the weekend with him). I ask her why and she can't tell me, so we end the night in a bad way and of course she calls me and wants to talk - says that she has to make changes. Whatever that means- I'm at a loss. Should I finally just walk away? Or should I see what she has to say?

You did the right thing. Now stick to your guns and, like you said, don't let her call you unless she knows what she wants. And you don't call her.

Hello everyone I'm back for some answers and possibly a little support. It's been almost 6 months since I've been here but here goes. I feel like I'm living out some bad Hollywood romantic-sitcom. About 6 months ago or so my girlfriend and I decided to try AGAIN after taking the summer off (we broke up last April). Anyway we spent the holidays together and things seemed to be going in a positive direction. Until December when she got a new job about 2 hours away. It is a good move for her and I was/am totally supportive knowing the potential pitfalls of long-distance relationships (I have done them before and unfortunately have never worked out). We see each other almost every other weekend and it's worked out well. But I also know that she's been kind of secretive about some things and this is where it gets dicey. Her MySpace page which is private so I have no idea who she's "friends" with, I've got to trust her right? And she has this EX that calls her every now and then supposedly just to talk, which is a major issue with me (it turns out that they went out recently because he lives closer to her now because of her recent move) I got really upset about it when I found out, but I thought it ironed itself out as we just spent last weekend together. So this last Friday comes around and I don't get a call or text message, then Saturday, Sunday and now it's Monday no communication whatsoever. Should I have called her over the weekend, she always calls me or texts me to see what's going on. We talk everyday especially to say goodnight, now I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not a mind reader and I won't have my heart ripped out again, should I be preparing for a let down again? Thanks in advance.

Why didn't you call her over the weekend?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions... it's hard to do, as I know I would have already, but if you two are seeing each other, you jumping to conclusions will only make it worse. As long as she's just friends with her ex, then leave it alone until you have something more to go on.

Is there a chance she might go back to her ex.. yes... there is. But there's also a chance that they're just hanging out. Good luck.

Thanks for your reply.

I don't know why I didn't call her, I just felt like she would have called me like she normally does and when I was calling her it just seemed like she didn't have anything to say. For her to not call me at all over the weekend is really odd.

I understand what you mean. Perhaps she was busy hanging out with her friends.. maybe she was just busy? I'd say... send her a text or give her a call and see what's up. Say something like, hey I missed you... how have you been?

And that should give her a segue into what's been going on.

We don't know this girl, you do... if she's the type of girl that initiates conversation via texts or calls with you and she hasn't lately; yeah she may be just busy; and you shouldn't jump to conclusions. But if you're up to it, you could perform a little test and see how long it takes her to contact you. Or perhaps is she stubborn?

Im in a LDR as well and my guy does the same thing (not calling, texting) when he's doing 'something out of the ordinary'... call it paranoia but it's a gut feeling I have since I caught him contacting his ex without telling me.

Anyway, its too late to say you should have called her but to be honest, I do the same thing when Im looking for a sign if he is hiding something again. Frankly speaking, its not a good feeling.

Forget paranoia, act using your heart. You love her, then trust her and show it to her. If you miss her, call her. If you don't, then don't call her. Be honest to yourself. Maybe that's what your girlfriend is doing.

I do love her and she loves me, but it seems like I'm the one that is doing all the heavy lifting, maybe I should be because I'm the guy- I don't know. My gut tells me that she isn't calling me because she knows I'll be upset that she's hanging out with the EX.

I do love her and she loves me, but it seems like I'm the one that is doing all the heavy lifting, maybe I should be because I'm the guy- I don't know. My gut tells me that she isn't calling me because she knows I'll be upset that she's hanging out with the EX.

Women are funny... and stupid.

Yeah I said it.

Thanks for the advice. I really love this girl and I want to fight the good fight, so I'll just wait it out.

The worst thing you can do is sit, and assume, so give her a call, and forget the games.

Games normaly back fire I understand why you wanted to do it though its normal.

But confront her about it. Let your issues be known. Nothing worse than letting things carry on

Yeah but why isn't she calling me or anything? What do you think?

Yeah but why isn't she calling me or anything? What do you think?

... question is, why aren't you calling her?

Because I felt every time I was calling her it was coming off as needy, if she really wants to talk to me she'll call me - I'm over being always the one putting effort into US.

She didn't call me for over 4 days and she finally text messaged me tonight and she knows I hate that kind of communication.

I don't know what I'm doing, I'm really confused/lost. I stopped calling my girlfriend because she stopped calling me and then she finally text messaged me. I didn't contact her and then she text messaged me again on Saturday and left a message the same day and then sent me a couple of texts on yesterday to see how things were.

I don't know why I'm not calling her. I don't play games and this being a long distance relationship only makes things that much more difficult. Am I not calling her because I'm afraid to hear something that she may need to tell me. And if I call her what do I say because it will certainly be awkward. PLEASE HELP!!

No offense, but there are a lot of people on here that are probably flipping out. Most of us want our ex's to call and here yours is calling and texting, obviously wanting to talk. You need to sit down and think to yourself if you want to talk to her or not... If not, tell her through a text or anything that you no longer want to speak with her. She is making an effort, the same thing you were complaining she wasn't doing a couple days ago... So which is it that you want?

I don't know. I really don't know what to do.

You haven't called yet?? Well keep sitting on your hands, while she moves on with her life, without you. Doesn't this seem childish to you??

I know man... if you think it will make you happy, call her up! Stop assuming, grow a pair, and take whatever comes. Think of it this way, if you don't call her, the relationship is really over. But, if you call her, she may have something positive to say... as everyone should know, communication is key*

A guy doesn't need to be a "girlfriend"... meaning I think if you spend every night talking on the phone for 3 hours (which I know you are not) then it's a little whacked and way too needy.

But your case is a little different... its long distance. There are other issues.

Personally, I don't think its good to play head games... but I also think silence can tell you a lot.

You want to know what is going on. You have two choices...

Talk to her openly and ask if the distance seems like too much to handle, without being confrontational... or back way off and see if she's willing to chase you a little.

Wanting to be chased is not a head game. I still chase my wife. She still chases me. Sometimes you need the absence of the other person to realize what is missing...

I don't like to "diagnose" situations like this because there is likely more that I'm not privy to... that said... if I were in your shoes I would back off a little and see what happens.

She's had a big change. She might just be trying to get through all the noise. Lord knows I love my wife, but there are times when I just want to be alone to focus on the things I need to do. Likewise, if she needs to get away for a weekend now and then... I know its probably for a good reason, probably good for her mentally, and nothing personal.

So... where does that leave you?

Like it or not, you are on the outside looking in.

She left dodge and that puts you in a weak position. Can't tell you what to do. That's your job.

Most of the time... open communication is best. It allows the other person to come clean.. or allows them to be a "liar" if they refuse to...

If you don't want a confrontation you can always wait it out and see if she comes running... if she doesn't, she didn't need it that bad to begin with. That's not a head game... it's the truth.

I don't know what I'm doing, I'm really confused/lost. I stopped calling my girlfriend because she stopped calling me and then she finally text messaged me. I didn't contact her and then she text messaged me again on Saturday and left a message the same day and then sent me a couple of texts on yesterday to see how things were.

So give her a call , she could be sitting there thinking the same as you.


I don't know why I'm not calling her. I don't play games and this being a long distance relationship only makes things that much more difficult. Am I not calling her because I'm afraid to hear something that she may need to tell me.

Well this could be it , sometimes we really need to listen to our instincts , but hey if you don't call you'll never know.

It's time to call/text her. You won't know what's exactly going on if there's no communication. Personally, I don't like to guess as it might plant unnecessary seeds in my head.

She might felt bad about not calling you for a few nights or she could just be busy, and that's probably why she just text you, just to see if everything is OK. She might not be in the mood to talk (to anyone) when you called but that's not the point. The point is, if you really love her for who she is.

Don't always 'expect' her to do everything i.e. call and text. Show her you think about her etc and surprise her with a call. Don't test her and wait and wait. That looks bad on you, what if she is testing YOU. Just call her or message her like everyone has said, and see what happens.

Call her for pete's sake... No use wondering and worrying your life away on what's going on with her or her head.

Or, give her a surprise visit and talk to her in person.

Hello everyone it would be great to get some opinions from all of you. I've been sorting out my relationship here for a little over a year and yes it has it's up and downs-as I'm sure many of you are aware. Anyway my girlfriend and I are in a semi-long distance relationship 1.5 hour away and we normally see each other every other weekend and talk and say hi everyday, but this last weekend came and went without a call or text from her. I did call her each day over the weekend (not to play any games). So finally Monday comes around and I call her on my lunch break and then text her before dinner and I get nothing. She calls me Monday after dinner and apologizes for not getting back to me (should have at least text me) over the weekend and she doesn't sound herself, says she wasn't feeling all that great and had a trying weekend, emotionally was just kind of down. I told her that she should have called me because I'm here for her.
So now do I move on and act like it's no big deal or should I be the paranoid insecure boyfriend and start making wild accusations of her being up to no good behind my back?

Do women do these types of things just to test us men? Thanks for your ears everyone!

Well, all I can say is that if it is the norm for you to always be in touch, something sure doesn't sound right with the way she acted. I have not trusted my gut feeling many times before, and I've always regretted it. Don't overreact, but tell her that you think something is up, and you need to sit down and have a talk with her about the wkd. Tell her you are not accusing her of anything, but your gut says something is wrong with the way she acted, and ask if there is anything she needs to tell you. If she avoids talking to you, I think you probably have your answer.

I would try and talk to her about it.
If she talks about it then you'll know what it is.
If she disregards it and says , its nothing blablabla.. Let her know that you're there for her if she wants to talk about it - then let it slide.
But then pay close attention to her behaviour when it comes to you two next time you meet up.. If she is seeming distant, or if the calls are less.. Then I would probably brace myself.
Don't pressure her at this point though..
Then again maybe her problem isn't with you.. Though I imagine if she had some other sort of problem she would normally turn to you?

Way to pick up on things! I wish I had a gut feeling... lol. But yeah, like starty said, if you guys are usually in contact throughout the day, via text or whatever... and now she isn't, then talk to her about it. If she says she's been busy, then you can't really tell for sure. My ex and I were usually in contact throughout the day via texting and we would talk at night, yes it was an LDR... so her phone breaks, no big deal... I send her an email saying all the nice, wonderful things I usually say, and I get nothing back for days, I send her another asking what's up, and she calls me on her friends phone crying about how she's been neglecting me... looking back on all this (if I were a bit smarter/wiser) I can fully suspect something that my former self had not. Long story short, she comes home shortly after, breaks up with me and started dating someone else very soon after.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, and I certainly would never wish it on anyone... but make sure you study her behavior. Good on you looking for others' opinions too.

Agreed with the above.

Communication is the key. Be honest and open with her, don't pressure her or get angry with her. If she has made a decision, or is leaning toward one, accept it quietly and move on.

I think if she has problem like she said, and she needs to get through it by herself then just let her do it. Besides, there's actually nothing you can do since all that you know is what she intends to tell you. You can't even see her to know if its right or wrong. That's that hardest part of LDR. So just live your life, and relax, don't need to care about this too much. She will be back talking when she needs to. Don't act paranoid.

bigbird213 agrees: STDs are fun


Wow, that was supposed to be a disagree...

Oops :( :(

Wow, that was supposed to be a disagree....

Oops :( :(

I wondered for a second there! Lol

I wondered for a second there! lol


Oh well, they got a freebie I guess

I think a one time event can be overlooked for now, but not completely forgotten. I sure would not make a big deal about it, as I said, for now. No need to push hard either, but having said all that, be alert. You can always pick a better spot to revisit the issue. Hey, LDR's are hard on any couple, so jumping to conclusions, will help nothing.