Dhousewife
Jan 28, 2014, 03:18 PM
We have been married for 12 years Recently I had been on an overseas trip and was gone for over a month and when I come back he seems more cheerful, more happier and moreover, open to occasional drinking, which was taboo for him. The actual reason was his newly formed friendship with a female co-worker who had joined work approximately at the same time that I had left for my trip. They are not team mates. This woman is married and has twin girls. I remember him talking about her even on our long distance call when I was on my trip. He also mentions that when they go out for office lunches, she always rides with him in his car. And he says she is more friendly with me than the other guys. I did not suspect anything initially, but then he started talking a lot about this woman and her life. I did not want to act up at this point and gave him a benefit of doubt.
Suspicion# 1. I noticed that he had a couple of pics of this woman on his cell and when I asked him about it... he tells me... oh it's a profile pic from wattsapp and accidentally it might have gotten saved on his cell.
Suspicion# 2. He has saved the woman's name as something else on his cell.
Suspicion #3. This woman was looking for a rental place and my husband immediately found a place close to our townhome community and recommends it to her and praises a lot about our area and what a great school district it is. My husand tells me that they are coming to see the rental property and hence we should invite them over for tea and snacks in the evening so that I can meet her too. He begged me and convinced me to have them over. He tells me to tell her how great the schools are and how safe the area is and to convince them to move in. Although she had come with her husband, my husband was constantly talking with her about how great it would be if they moved in and we all can hang out together and make a great company for each other while her hubby was watching their 2 year old twins.
To my horror, they moved in. I did not like it and then he tells me that he would like it if she carpools with him everyday since they don't have 2 cars and I immediately protested against it and told him that I would not like that and that she should get another car of make some other arrangements. He picked up a fight with me about this and started saying mean things to me. He started comparing me with her and tells me how independent she is and how I am just a housewife taking care of the kids at home.
Suspicion# 4. I noticed he was discreetly texting a lot and when I asked him, he said it was office related. One Sunday morning as he was having his breakfast, I noticed him texting again and he told me that he was chatting with his tennis group. I grew suspicious and checked his messages when in fact he was constanting chatting with this woman. The first sentence in the chat was "You are constantly on my mind" and she replies "Oh really" and then he goes to ask her how she is doing, whether she finished her breakfast and what was she having for breakfast. He then asks her.. when was she planning to invite him over for breakfast and mentions what he would love to have for breakfast and then they go on and on and he tells her he has plans to go to NYC for some show in the evening and asks her what her plans are? I saw about 25 to 30 chat messages in a span of 5 to 10 minutes and this goes on and off through out the day.
I confront him and break down to cry. He became very angry and defensive. He told me that he was only chatting because it was her twin girls birthday and he wanted to wish them. But there was no mention about the birthday wishes at all in the 25 to 30 chat messages. I note down the woman's cell# and try to call her in his presence to ask her what's going on? He yells at me and asks me not to call her and then he leaves the house. I call this lady after he has left and ask her "whats going on" She is speechless and says "its nothing". I ask her if her husband knows about her constant texing my hubby and she says no and then she says "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I will make sure I stop ALL the chats with him". All he has to say is that they are just good friends. I told him to stop talking to her totally and get out of this and start spending more time as a family. He tells me that he will never forget her and that she will always be in his heart.
Now my husband obviously is acting like a fish without water because she stops texting him and he goes and asks her what the matter is and she tells him that I called her and asked her to stop. That night he comes home late and immediately he starts hurling abuses at me and calls me names, uses curse words and threatens me that he cannot harm anything between them. He says" WE'RE JUST FRIENDS". All that I heard from him, I just cannot forget. I could not respond because I was completely shaken and was in complete denial that he could use terms like that for me.
Should I dump him?
Suspicion# 1. I noticed that he had a couple of pics of this woman on his cell and when I asked him about it... he tells me... oh it's a profile pic from wattsapp and accidentally it might have gotten saved on his cell.
Suspicion# 2. He has saved the woman's name as something else on his cell.
Suspicion #3. This woman was looking for a rental place and my husband immediately found a place close to our townhome community and recommends it to her and praises a lot about our area and what a great school district it is. My husand tells me that they are coming to see the rental property and hence we should invite them over for tea and snacks in the evening so that I can meet her too. He begged me and convinced me to have them over. He tells me to tell her how great the schools are and how safe the area is and to convince them to move in. Although she had come with her husband, my husband was constantly talking with her about how great it would be if they moved in and we all can hang out together and make a great company for each other while her hubby was watching their 2 year old twins.
To my horror, they moved in. I did not like it and then he tells me that he would like it if she carpools with him everyday since they don't have 2 cars and I immediately protested against it and told him that I would not like that and that she should get another car of make some other arrangements. He picked up a fight with me about this and started saying mean things to me. He started comparing me with her and tells me how independent she is and how I am just a housewife taking care of the kids at home.
Suspicion# 4. I noticed he was discreetly texting a lot and when I asked him, he said it was office related. One Sunday morning as he was having his breakfast, I noticed him texting again and he told me that he was chatting with his tennis group. I grew suspicious and checked his messages when in fact he was constanting chatting with this woman. The first sentence in the chat was "You are constantly on my mind" and she replies "Oh really" and then he goes to ask her how she is doing, whether she finished her breakfast and what was she having for breakfast. He then asks her.. when was she planning to invite him over for breakfast and mentions what he would love to have for breakfast and then they go on and on and he tells her he has plans to go to NYC for some show in the evening and asks her what her plans are? I saw about 25 to 30 chat messages in a span of 5 to 10 minutes and this goes on and off through out the day.
I confront him and break down to cry. He became very angry and defensive. He told me that he was only chatting because it was her twin girls birthday and he wanted to wish them. But there was no mention about the birthday wishes at all in the 25 to 30 chat messages. I note down the woman's cell# and try to call her in his presence to ask her what's going on? He yells at me and asks me not to call her and then he leaves the house. I call this lady after he has left and ask her "whats going on" She is speechless and says "its nothing". I ask her if her husband knows about her constant texing my hubby and she says no and then she says "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I will make sure I stop ALL the chats with him". All he has to say is that they are just good friends. I told him to stop talking to her totally and get out of this and start spending more time as a family. He tells me that he will never forget her and that she will always be in his heart.
Now my husband obviously is acting like a fish without water because she stops texting him and he goes and asks her what the matter is and she tells him that I called her and asked her to stop. That night he comes home late and immediately he starts hurling abuses at me and calls me names, uses curse words and threatens me that he cannot harm anything between them. He says" WE'RE JUST FRIENDS". All that I heard from him, I just cannot forget. I could not respond because I was completely shaken and was in complete denial that he could use terms like that for me.
Should I dump him?