ColtonB
Nov 6, 2013, 03:13 AM
Hi there,
My girlfriend and I have been together for around 3.5 years. We've largely spent that time living and working together around the world. For the last two years we've lived and worked at the same institution and see each other every day.
Sex has always been a weird issue with us. Unfortunately at the start of our relationship I broke her trust by sleeping with an ex. This almost destroyed everything. We stayed together, but I feel that trust has been an issue that has strained things at time. For a long while I wouldn't be able to hang out with a girl, or spend much time out at night, without her questioning my motives. This gradually got better, and now I feel like we are honest and trust each other completely.
And yet it almost feels that the closer we get emotionally, the more infrequent sex becomes. Currently we have it almost once every couple of months. We've talked about this a bunch of times, but nothing ever seems to come out of it.
This brings me to the title of this question. My girlfriend approached me last week and told me that she wasn't happy. She said that she wanted a non-monogomous relationship. She wanted to feel free, and told me that if she could sleep with whoever she wanted this might make her want sex with me more. She reiterated that she loves me very much, and really wanted to continue what we have.
Well, I took it pretty hard- I didn't really like the idea. After a day or two of serious, heart-breaking discussion, filled with tears and nose-blowing, we came to a decision. Non-monogomy is probably some kind of crutch that we would use to prop up a relationship that is clearly damaged. We would break up.
Except we didn't. I changed my mind. An hour or so after we made this decision I came back and told her I wanted to give it a try. We went ahead with it. Two days later she's slept with one of the guys from work.
Now, I don't believe necessarily that non-monogomy is a bad thing. We have friends who practice this kind of relationship, and they're all very happy. This is part of the reason I actually changed my mind. But the thing I'm worried about is precisely the thing that we talked about. Is this just a crutch for a broken relationship>
So, there's my situation. Does anyone have an opinion? Is non-monogomy any kind of solution for our lack of sex? Or should I just face the fact that it's time to break up?
My girlfriend and I have been together for around 3.5 years. We've largely spent that time living and working together around the world. For the last two years we've lived and worked at the same institution and see each other every day.
Sex has always been a weird issue with us. Unfortunately at the start of our relationship I broke her trust by sleeping with an ex. This almost destroyed everything. We stayed together, but I feel that trust has been an issue that has strained things at time. For a long while I wouldn't be able to hang out with a girl, or spend much time out at night, without her questioning my motives. This gradually got better, and now I feel like we are honest and trust each other completely.
And yet it almost feels that the closer we get emotionally, the more infrequent sex becomes. Currently we have it almost once every couple of months. We've talked about this a bunch of times, but nothing ever seems to come out of it.
This brings me to the title of this question. My girlfriend approached me last week and told me that she wasn't happy. She said that she wanted a non-monogomous relationship. She wanted to feel free, and told me that if she could sleep with whoever she wanted this might make her want sex with me more. She reiterated that she loves me very much, and really wanted to continue what we have.
Well, I took it pretty hard- I didn't really like the idea. After a day or two of serious, heart-breaking discussion, filled with tears and nose-blowing, we came to a decision. Non-monogomy is probably some kind of crutch that we would use to prop up a relationship that is clearly damaged. We would break up.
Except we didn't. I changed my mind. An hour or so after we made this decision I came back and told her I wanted to give it a try. We went ahead with it. Two days later she's slept with one of the guys from work.
Now, I don't believe necessarily that non-monogomy is a bad thing. We have friends who practice this kind of relationship, and they're all very happy. This is part of the reason I actually changed my mind. But the thing I'm worried about is precisely the thing that we talked about. Is this just a crutch for a broken relationship>
So, there's my situation. Does anyone have an opinion? Is non-monogomy any kind of solution for our lack of sex? Or should I just face the fact that it's time to break up?