Dear all,

I am writing to you as I haven't since 2011. Just to remind you about my story, I posted before in 2009 and in 2011 under cheating husband and cheated again.

I am married and have 2 girls in 2009 I got to know from my husband that he cheated on me many times almost a year and half after our marriage. I was so hurt and used to cry day and night, lost hope in life and everything, I wanted to get a divorce at that time but couldn't due to financial and family matters and my girls was still garde 5 and grade 1. So I stayed

My husband wasn't satsified with my looks as he wanted to marry a blonde lady even thought I am not ugly, with fair skin and attractive features and body.
He also was nevr satsified by my work- Admin work-

In 2011, I figured that he is still doing the same things even though he promised he would stop and I also posted "Cheatin again" thread and I was so ready at this time to get a divorce when he insisted that I stay and forgive him which was never easy and his actions broke a lot of things between us.

As he wasn;t satsfied with my work, he pushed me to study something else, which I did and I got my certifcate and got a job in a new office in which I met new people and many of them wanted to talk to me. I was happy that finally someone told me how pretty I was even without saying it directly but by wanting to talk to me.

I told him about that and he felt SO GOOD that men are flirting with his wife, not sure what kind of satisfaction did that gave him but sure it was a lot. He even asked me to do whatever I want even to sleep with anyone I like and it would be better if he will be invited to watch - his fantasy and always wanted it even till now- but not to fall in love with anyone.

This guy at the office I actually started liking him, je loved the way I look as I am unlike my husband and I slept with him and told my husband later because I wouldn't let him watch me with another man.

I slept with him for couple of times and fell in love with him as he is a true man with all his thoughts and action- he is 11 years older than me- but soon enough I felt bad as I am not used to this kind of relations and because of my religious beliefs, so I broke up with this man and said to give myself and my husband a new start so I can love him back. Meanwhile he started to change from someone who doesn't care where I go or with whom I am with to a very jealous person who questions everything I do even when I am doing nothing.

In the time I broke up with this man, I found myself that I changed a lot. I don't love my husband as a husband only like a friend or brother nothing more. I went many times to church, prayed, confessed and wanted to be myself again but it didn't work. I lost all the love to my husband, he is the reason of what we ended up in. Just a fake relation and when I confronted him and told him why did you push me to do that since years, he had no answer.

I now back to seeing this person but didn't sleep with him again, I feel bad in the eyes of myself before anyone else. If you will judge me, please read my previous 2 threads and you will know exactly what I am talking about.

I was a very honest person, prays a lot, goes to church every week and cares about everyone but myself. Got hurt many times not only but action cheating- but by words too which were more than a sword.

He is very weak now, he is in my place 4 years ago. He feels unsecure and he doesn't want to do sex for money anymore. He says many times how he loves me everyday but I don't love him anymore. Also my older daughter who was seeing me with all the troubles before is now almost 16, even though I never told her about the cheating but she saw how he used to treat me and her as well, and no matter what he does she hates him and can't wait until she is 18 to go study somewhere away from him.

Life is unfair, when I was was Ok with him and was ready to do anything to see the smile on his face, he doesn't like us and when I change he comes crawling and says how much he loves us and cares about us.

My older daughter is so smart, when I try to talk her to love him as he is good person now, she tells me that he is good because he didn't find anyone to love him. He would have dumped us if he found what he was looking for. She is so smart and noticed since long time how he used to flirt with other women-

Please look at my story and tell me what you think? And how life is treating me.

Thanks,

If I were you I would divorce him. Too little too late. He probably still doesn't get where he hurt you all these years. Finalize and start a fresh life without him. God knows your husband pushed you to the point you got. Now he wants to act like nothing happened. Forgive yourself and do not let him guilt you into staying.

"Please look at my story and tell me what you think? and how life is treating me."

You had a relationship that failed. How does that make all of life unfair?

Your husband doesn't sound like the best guy. But in most if not all relationships it takes 2 people to create the relationship the 2 people have.

I am not judging you in any way, as I don't judge anyone. Your life is the path you chose. If you don't like the path you have been on or where it is headed, you and only you are in control of getting on a new path. Too many people settle for what they have and that leads to them being stuck.

There are always people worse off than we are so stop and appreciate the little things in life.

Life isn't 'fair' for any life form on earth. For humans, a lot of what is unfair is being born into poverty or oppression in some of the worst places on earth, or having a physical or mental condition that limits our freedom, or random acts such as bombs, drunk drivers, fires and floods...
I don't get the impression that you had an arranged marriage, and you do have your health, your children, your job skills, and even attractiveness.
So I'm not sure what is unfair now. You even have what a lot of wives don't have, and that is a husband who turned the tables on himself. If you are tired of seeing him grovel, you have all that you need to be your own person from now on.

This will be harsh. Understand that I am not judging you. I am also not going to join any self-pity parties.

Life is treating you the way you have allowed it to.

You can blame your husband and cry all you want about how unfair it all is, but you have always had the responsibility to make your own decisions. You could have walked away years ago. You choose to stay. You choose to cheat. Your husband did not hold a gun to your head and make you talk to and get into bed your co-worker/playmate.

You see how this has affected your oldest daughter. You need to take responsibility for your part in what she and her siblings have been through. Her father is only half of the problem. Both of you need to work together to create a solution.

If you want your children to have a better future and successful relationships, you need to show them how. Part of the lesson is how to let go of a bad relationship.

Both of you need to separate and go your own ways. Learn how to be parents to your children without being together as a couple. All you are doing at this time is hurting each other. There isn't love. There is only habit and fear of being alone.

Let the boyfriend go until you are on your own and supporting yourself. Do not continue to try to have two relationships or slide from one to another. Take time to let the past go and to heal. You need to rebuild your self-confidence and support.

I hope you get out and get help so that you aren't back in another two years still stuck where you are right now

Life isn't 'fair' for any life form on earth. For humans, a lot of what is unfair is being born into poverty or oppression in some of the worst places on earth, or having a physical or mental condition that limits our freedom, or random acts such as bombs, drunk drivers, fires and floods...
I don't get the impression that you had an arranged marriage, and you do have your health, your children, your job skills, and even attractiveness.
So I'm not sure what is unfair now. You even have what a lot of wives don't have, and that is a husband who turned the tables on himself. If you are tired of seeing him grovel, you have all that you need to be your own person from now on.

For all who got me wrong with "Life is unfair" may be I used it wrong but because I never had any happy time in my life even befoe I got married with my childhood that's what made me wrote this statement. I am grateful though for a lot of things and thank God for it.

If anyone ever had a father who was very controlling and you never were allowed to even go to a school trip or may be when he abused my mom in front of me and my siblings eyes, you might know what I meant.

I married my husband through an arranged marriage and hoped that I will never see those bad times again and worked all my strength to make it work.

Thanks for your comment.

For all who got me wrong with "Life is unfair" may be I used it wrong but because I never had any happy time in my life even befoe I got married with my childhood that's what made me wrote this statement. I am grateful though for a lot of things and thank God for it.

If anyone ever had a father who was very controling and you never were allowed to even go to a school trip or may be when he abused my mom infront of me and my siblings eyes, you might know what I meant.

I married my husband through an arranged marriage and hoped that I will never see those bad times again and worked all my strength to make it work.

Thanks for your comment.

I am not sure there is enough pity in this world to match that which you have for yourself.

Should we all list things that have happened bad to us and see who wins? I mean I had my favorite tennis racquet stolen from me when I was a kid. I know that doesn't make the top 10 but it has to be in the top 38.

Seriously, if you are going to spend your time feeling bad for you, you won't be any good to anyone. Accept that which you cannot change and control the things you can. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Go for a walk and appreciate the beauty that is this earth.

You are allowing others to control the direction of your life. A lot of it is because you have a lot of a sense if making things work, guilt, responsibility, etc... You are at a point in your life to turn the tables and be a free individual. Your husband didn't give two hoots how he made you feel. It's time you dump him and become an independent person.

You are allowing others to control the direction of your life. A lot of it is because you have a lot of a sense if making things work, guilt, responsibility, etc.... You are at a point in your life to turn the tables and be a free individual. Your husband didn't give two hoots how he made you feel. It's time you dump him and become an independent person.

Thanks for your support, really appreciate your understanding. Grateful that many could understand my writing as English is not my first language.

Thanks again

Controlling father, arranged marriage, years of being put down.
I can understand why you feel that life did these things to you, and in some ways they did. We don't choose our childhoods, and I was wrong about thinking you didn't have an arranged marriage (it was my first thought, but abandoned it when I saw that you live in Canada). So a passive mentality was indoctrinated in you, and it's easy for others to judge you for not breaking free. I've had a passive streak in me too (passive-aggressive, I suppose) so am not unsympathetic.
I hope you start over.

What everyone is saying... is YOU have control of your own life... nobody has you in chains holding you against your will.

Life is what you make of it... soemtimes we make the right choices... sometimes we make the wrong choices... but they are your choices.

What everyone is saying.....is YOU have control of your own life.....nobody has you in chains holding you against your will.

Life is what you make of it....soemtimes we make the right choices...sometimes we make the wrong choices.....but they are your choices.
And we learn from our mistakes so we don't make them again. AND we can do a positive spin to turn the bad choices into something that benefits us.

And we learn from our mistakes so we don't make them again. AND we can do a positive spin to turn the bad choices into something that benefits us.

Ohhhhh please!! Maybe we try to not make those mistakes again, but I make them baby! :)

At least they aren't really bad ones. Or really really bad ones. Okay some have been doosies. (Is that how you spell that word?)

For all who got me wrong with "Life is unfair" may be I used it wrong but because I never had any happy time in my life even befoe I got married with my childhood that's what made me wrote this statement. I am grateful though for a lot of things and thank God for it.

If anyone ever had a father who was very controling and you never were allowed to even go to a school trip or may be when he abused my mom infront of me and my siblings eyes, you might know what I meant.

I married my husband through an arranged marriage and hoped that I will never see those bad times again and worked all my strength to make it work.

Thanks for your comment.

If your childhood was so awful, why are you putting your children through this?

You may think your children do not know about the cheating (his or yours, one or both) but they probably do. We have teens write in asking what to do about seeing or suspecting one of their parents is cheating. Mom and Dad do not realize the clues they drop and leave behind. They don't look at how their behavior is affecting their children. You have been put on notice that your children are in a bad situation. You know what that feels like and you are still making excuses and trying to gain sympathy for your plight.

My sympathy is for your children. They have no choice in where they live. They don't get to choose their parents. They have to live the choices the people responsible for their well-being make.

You want love and affection. You want to feel attractive and wanted. You want stability. You aren't getting it. You aren't providing it.

You and your husband need to do what is best for your children. If marriage counseling and working together seemed like a viable option, I would be yelling at the top of my lungs to try it. But there is so much damage done and so much hurt that I don't think either of you could let it heal and move forward. You even have a boyfriend on the side whether you are having sex with him or not. That is not a person who wants to work on her marriage.

Even arranged marriages can end in divorce.

Controlling father, arranged marriage, years of being put down.
I can understand why you feel that life did these things to you, and in some ways they did. We don't choose our childhoods, and I was wrong about thinking you didn't have an arranged marriage (it was my first thought, but abandoned it when I saw that you live in Canada). So a passive mentality was indoctrinated in you, and it's easy for others to judge you for not breaking free. I've had a passive streak in me too (passive-aggressive, I suppose) so am not unsympathetic.
I hope you start over.

Thanks for your post and yes it was arranged marriage as I am not originally from Canada. Also execuse my langauge, its not my mother's tongue.
Thanks again

You haven't divorced this guy yet and resorted to cheating to feel good? The only thing standing between you and happiness has ALWAYS been YOU. And only YOU can change that.

Ohhhhh please!! Maybe we try to not make those mistakes again, but I make them baby! :)
Okay. We TRY NOT make them again. (Better?)

At least they aren't really bad ones. Or really really bad ones. Okay some have been doosies. (Is that how you spell that word?)
Doozies (British would be the "s"?)

Okay. We TRY NOT make them again. (Better?)

doozies (British would be the "s"?)

You are toooooo smart for words.

And some of us (me) need to try harder.

And some of us (me) need to try harder.
Don't we all! (not just you)