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View Full Version : How to leave/deal with a man you like who has a 5 month old child and a crazy ex


LittleBlackKat
Sep 26, 2012, 07:51 PM
There is a guy who I have been friends with since I was 12 years old. I have been getting closer to him over the years and he expressed that he has feelings for me, however he has a 5 month old daughter with literally a psychotic ex.
Now here is the real deal : I am having a rough day because ever since I started posting things and commenting on his statuses, his ex re-added him on FB and he added her back because he told me he has to be calm and nice to her for the sake of his daughter-because his ex won't let him see his kid if he doesn't do as she says-which makes sense. I totally get where he is coming from, but I do know she has been creeping my FB and my photos because he told me for one, and two, she only added him because she wants to see his posts on my wall and mine to his. I am NOT dating this man yet, I figured be wise and give it time because I am not sure if he is over his ex for one, even though he says he is.


And she has a nasty habit of running to him whenever he tries getting his life together and whenever she wants attention and someone to provide for her-especially male. She hasn't even graduated high school yet. His friends told me he has real strong emotions for me-but when I called him on the phone today to talk about his ex adding him on FB, he and I NEARLY got into a small argument, but to keep this message short - he and I are still FB friends and friends outside of FB, but we have decided not to talk to each other too too much just to see what his ex is up to. Our original plan was to remove each other from FB because he said : My ex MIGHT just want to see who you are in my life because she asked me if I am dating you and such, so if we remove each other on FB, she likely WILL eventually get bored of me and remove me on her FB (she's done it over 12 times to him in the past).
But I don't know, I get that she is the mother of his child, but this is ridiculous. I do NOT need this crap.
I just feel like he is NOT fighting for me, but at the same time I KNOW he can't BECAUSE his kid comes first. No questions asked.

I really don't know what to do.
.

Homegirl 50
Sep 26, 2012, 08:53 PM
Why can you not change the setting on your page, then she cannot look at your page?
This guy cannot handle his business. You don't want to go there. He can go to court and get visitation with his baby.
I don't do baby momma drama, and I don't deal with a man who can't handle is business.

LittleBlackKat
Sep 26, 2012, 09:01 PM
Why can you not change the setting on your page, then she cannot look at your page?
This guy cannot handle his business. You don't want to go there. He can go to court and get visitation with his baby.
I don't do baby momma drama, and I don't deal with a man who can't handle is business.

I really admire that. And I have adjusted a lot on my profile to keep away from her, because in all honesty, I do not handle crazy ex's either. My last ex left me for HIS own ex and she just was using him the entire time and left him.
All that being said, I am wiser and I learned from my past mistakes. And there is a large back story as to why he cannot get visitation rights-to keep it clean and professional-they BOTH actually are technically not fit to be parents. They are going to court, last time I checked. However I am trying to get away from this. It has caused me nothing but headaches already and he and I are not even serious.
My only anger/problem is that he told me he loved me, and claimed he would fight for me-but as soon as trouble started with the ex and I asked him to give me a straight forward answer if he still cared for her, he said : I truly believe that if you love someone, that love will never die. She and I will just NEVER be a couple again, we do NOT get along.
Sorry to be harsh, but I can't be with someone who still loves his ex-no matter how ambiguously he worded it.

Homegirl 50
Sep 27, 2012, 07:20 AM
You leave that alone. That woman has him by the you know what and he is weak.

joypulv
Sep 27, 2012, 09:42 AM
I can imagine that he has a new weak spot for this son of theirs. And she knows how to use that darling baby to manipulate your friend. I would stay out of it.

LittleBlackKat
Sep 27, 2012, 09:45 AM
I can imagine that he has a new weak spot for this son of theirs. And she knows how to use that darling baby to manipulate your friend. I would stay out of it.

I agree with the both of you. I am not looking to be Mother of the Year. I have not spoken to this man already for 3 days, but he keeps messaging me and doesn't seem to get it. He told me to leave him be as well-especially in regards to taking him off my FB, and as soon as I obeyed his wishes, he got angry with me.
He cannot have it both ways.

JudyKayTee
Sep 27, 2012, 10:16 AM
I agree with the both of you. I am not looking to be Mother of the Year. I have not spoken to this man already for 3 days, but he keeps messaging me and doesn't seem to get it. He told me to leave him be as well-especially in regards to taking him off my FB, and as soon as I obeyed his wishes, he got angry with me.
He cannot have it both ways.


I think it's a bad relationship. The more I hear about FB the more grateful I am that I am almost never, ever on FB.

I'm an investigator - I get at least one, usually two, assignments a week that involve someone who posted something and someone else went beserk.

I stay away - but that advice comes too late for you.

I would walk away.

LittleBlackKat
Sep 27, 2012, 12:29 PM
I think it's a bad relationship. The more I hear about FB the more grateful I am that I am almost never, ever on FB.

I'm an investigator - I get at least one, usually two, assignments a week that involve someone who posted something and someone else went beserk.

I stay away - but that advice comes too late for you.

I would walk away.

Thank you. I have heard all too many times the whole "If I knew then what I know now" sentence, and logic is telling me to get out while there is time.