DearlyJ
Sep 13, 2012, 04:52 AM
I have been dumped and I feel so miserable. It feels like I just lost my everything. I have no friends and family. I pushed everyone away during my relationship and now I am totally alone. Everyone warned me that my relationship went off from a wrong start, and that could never end well. I didn't listen. In my relationship,
I was the bad guy.. everything I did was wrong. I used to live at my dads.. Because of the situation at home and me wanting to be close to my boyfriend I moved out. He lived with me until yesterday, when he decided to pack his things and leave. He says he has piece with his decision. I can't just believe this. I know I am not perfect, but I literally did every thing to please him. I cooked, managed all his things about school, looked for jobs for him, always had time for him. Stayed up for him, when he was out. Waited for him when he was at work, for 1,5 hour... He could never wait 5 min. Bought things for him, when they had broken. These things were never done for me. At the end he thanked me for everything. He is a kind person though. I know I did wrong by lying to him about my own past 3 times. After that he took me back, but everything I did was wrong. Even the way I spoke bcame a problem. Tried my best to change a lot of stuff. To do things that would make him happy. But every good I do always has to have a bad side, for him. For instance, I bought him a joystick, cause he's got water in it.. Gave it to him, 5 min.. I say something.. but he doesn't like it.. we fight.. And the good I did, is worthless, useless. It was always "You did this for me, so?" When he used to be sick, I bought him medicine from my last money, leaving me 13 cents on my account. I am a very kind person, I was very kind to him. But I don't think he apreciates me. Feels like no one does.
I don't know why I love him so much. I really do love him. He was my best friend, the only one I had to talk to. Now Im all alone in this apartment feeling sad and lonely. I never had a good relationship with my sister, so I can't call her. She is like a stranger to me. My dad and auntie have travelled. And the will not be here for months They are the ones who warned me the most. I know feel very insecure about a lot of things. I don't even know what to do in life. I had so many plans with my boyfriend. My life was all about him. We are both students. This is my last year at the university. Where am I even going to work? Whom I doing this for? I know this is for myself, but without anyone being supportive of me or proud of me.. I just don't know.. I have lost hope.. I have absolutely no one to talk to..
I was the bad guy.. everything I did was wrong. I used to live at my dads.. Because of the situation at home and me wanting to be close to my boyfriend I moved out. He lived with me until yesterday, when he decided to pack his things and leave. He says he has piece with his decision. I can't just believe this. I know I am not perfect, but I literally did every thing to please him. I cooked, managed all his things about school, looked for jobs for him, always had time for him. Stayed up for him, when he was out. Waited for him when he was at work, for 1,5 hour... He could never wait 5 min. Bought things for him, when they had broken. These things were never done for me. At the end he thanked me for everything. He is a kind person though. I know I did wrong by lying to him about my own past 3 times. After that he took me back, but everything I did was wrong. Even the way I spoke bcame a problem. Tried my best to change a lot of stuff. To do things that would make him happy. But every good I do always has to have a bad side, for him. For instance, I bought him a joystick, cause he's got water in it.. Gave it to him, 5 min.. I say something.. but he doesn't like it.. we fight.. And the good I did, is worthless, useless. It was always "You did this for me, so?" When he used to be sick, I bought him medicine from my last money, leaving me 13 cents on my account. I am a very kind person, I was very kind to him. But I don't think he apreciates me. Feels like no one does.
I don't know why I love him so much. I really do love him. He was my best friend, the only one I had to talk to. Now Im all alone in this apartment feeling sad and lonely. I never had a good relationship with my sister, so I can't call her. She is like a stranger to me. My dad and auntie have travelled. And the will not be here for months They are the ones who warned me the most. I know feel very insecure about a lot of things. I don't even know what to do in life. I had so many plans with my boyfriend. My life was all about him. We are both students. This is my last year at the university. Where am I even going to work? Whom I doing this for? I know this is for myself, but without anyone being supportive of me or proud of me.. I just don't know.. I have lost hope.. I have absolutely no one to talk to..