I live in a family where affection is unheard of. As of recent, my father has become calmer. But my mother is distant. My father used to be very angry, very aggressive. Manic. Impulsive. Loud. I've been hit in the past without reasoning. Without justification other than that of his own anger. I also had an experience of sexual abuse from a sibling when I was very young. I've grown up in a reality where I feel, genuinely, that I do not exist. My physical presence has always shocked me, every day. The existence of myself makes no sense to me. I was severely depressed for three years. No real help was offered. I cut myself for five. They have no idea. I starve myself, often. I know absolutely nothing about my mother and I'm sure she doesn't know anything about herself either. I do know she has been through a lot. She has been mugged, held to her head by a gun, she's been hi-jacked. She has had two miscarriages. She has been in a car accident. She has been the wife of a man who has been cheating on her for my whole life. She is not depressed. She is not empty. She is not emotional. She is materialistic and superficial. She doesn't know anything about me. At the risk of sounding like a whining teenager, I need to state that I am not understood in this family. I am the weird one. The silent one. I have, over the past year and a half, gotten to know my friend's mother. She is just like me. In terms of the realms in which we're from. We think the same. She makes me smile. She makes me cry whenever I have to leave her house. We openly express our love for one another. Mother and daughter love. She feels like my mother. I have never felt a love like this before, in my life. A child-like love, where ones mother's arms are so inviting. I wrote her a mother's day card and she cried. She is incredible. Constantly present in my mind. And when I'm with her I feel in place. She says she wishes she had had a daughter, she only has sons, whom are my friends from school. I'm 17 this year. When she says this, I say 'You can adopt me' and I laugh. And she says 'I will' - she loves me, guys. She is an incredible mother. Anyway, sorry about that- How could I go about being adopted? This woman is serious. And honestly, I feel there is nothing more I need in life than the love of a family. She is my family. Her presence is right. When I was depressed, she offered to pay for me to speak to a psychologist. She has taken me to a day-spa before. She loves me. I've never felt it before.

Maybe you could just go and live with her?. You can legally live where you want to live at age 16... so she wouldn't be in danger of "harboring a runaway". I know this doesn't answer your question about adoption... I just couldn't leave your post without saying something. Acknowledging you~and wishing you the best.
Here is a link to the US dept. of Health and Human Services FAQ re: Adoption... looks helpful.
Frequently Asked Questions: Adoption (http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/faq.cfm)

Thank you very much. I appreciate that. I'm from south africa, by the way. About to research the laws on legal age to move out. Thank you for answering.

Maybe you could just go and live with her?...You can legally live where you want to live at age 16...so she wouldn't be in danger of "harboring a runaway". I know this doesn't answer your question about adoption...I just couldn't leave your post without saying something. Acknowledging you~and wishing you the best.
Here is a link to the US dept. of Health and Human Services FAQ re: Adoption...looks helpful.
Frequently Asked Questions: Adoption (http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/faq.cfm)

Please do not listen to this person for people in the US, this is not only dangerous but very improper advice for a minor child. In the US, not, a child under 18 can not move and live where they want, and if someone was harboring them, of course they can be changed. We use that here in Georgia all the time for girls who try to run off with a boyfriend

I'm from South Africa. Not America, I'm sorry I forgot to state that. I am more mature than your typical 'minor' - honestly, I have been waiting to move out. It has always been my calming solution. "One day you you'll be away from this." But now that I am sure there is a home for me, I want to move out sooner. Today. Right now. And perhaps allow the last years of my 'teenage-hood' to be peaceful and joyous. I am not running away with a boyfriend, I am running away with the woman who should be my mother. Who I call my mother. There is a rather distinct difference. Thank you for your input though.

Forgive me. I spoke as a foster parent that has fostered over 30 "high risk" teenagers here in the US State of North Carolina. Age 16 is when one can petition for emancipation. In the OP's case, I believe her request would be granted~and that it would be good for her.

Forgive me. I spoke as a foster parent that has fostered over 30 "high risk" teenagers here in the US State of North Carolina. Age 16 is when one can petition for emancipation. In the OP's case, I believe her request would be granted~and that it would be good for her.


Can you post a source for your belief?

When you answer, please be State/Country specific. Advising someone to leave, telling them that the person who takes them in would not be charged with "harboring" is irresponsible without knowing the State/Country.

I am concerned that you admit you're a manipulative person - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/how-can-overcome-being-manipulative-427913-2.html. I trust you aren't attempting to "run" the Board - ? I am likewise concerned that you have fostered over 30 "difficult" children when you yourself have problems - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/addictions/ack-want-get-off-valium-whimper-593724.html

I'm a skeptic. I hope you prove me wrong.

Forgive me. I spoke as a foster parent that has fostered over 30 "high risk" teenagers here in the US State of North Carolina. Age 16 is when one can petition for emancipation. In the OP's case, I believe her request would be granted~and that it would be good for her.

Being able to "petition for emancipation" and being granted emancipation are two different things. Emancipation is rarely granted where it is allowed.

Like most states, NC requires that a minor being able to prove they can live on their own before emancipation:
§ 7B-3504. Considerations for emancipation. In determining the best interests of the petitioner and the need for emancipation, the court shall review the following considerations: (1) The parental need for the earnings of the petitioner; (2) The petitioner's ability to function as an adult; (3) The petitioner's need to contract as an adult or to marry; (4) The employment status of the petitioner and the stability of the petitioner's living arrangements; (5) The extent of family discord which may threaten reconciliation of the petitioner with the petitioner's family; (6) The petitioner's rejection of parental supervision or support; and (7) The quality of parental supervision or support. (1979, c. 815, s. 1; 1998-202, s. 6.) http://www.youthrights.net/index.php?title=North_Carolina_Emancipation_Law

I don't see anything in the OP's post that would qualify for emancipation under NC Law. We take pride in the accuracy of the answers we give here. Please be more careful in the future.

For her to adopt you would require a court order, without parental consent, it would be unlikely to to be granted.

You might find this info helpful:
Legal City :: You and Your Rights :: Minor (http://www.legalcity.net/Index.cfm?fuseaction=RIGHTS.article&ArticleID=5479571)

These answers are making me terribly sad. But I'm 'old' enough to understand and respect the law. I will just spend as much time with her that is possible. I've always needed the love of a family, and I have that now. That in itself should be enough for now. It's just.. Sad.. that I have not had a childhood. I've never been hugged. I've never had a conversation with my any member of my family. Including my two siblings. I've been alone for 17 years and I've literally grown to accept it as life. I thought it was normal. It's not. It shouldn't be, at least.
I need to be in a loving environment.. It makes me sad to be sitting here in my room. We're having financial troubles, so I cannot turn on any lights. It's dark and all I can do is listen to french music, a certain song I always sing with my the woman who should be my mother. ('Je ne t'aime plus'- it means 'I love you more'). I'll be fine. I just need my dose of motherliness and family at least once a week. I'll move out next year when I am eighteen and I can then be in a comfortable environment of my own choice.

I would take your friend's mother up on the offer of paying for a therapist. A lot of people who post on AMHD have had rough times, very rough backgrounds. I see some depression, I see self pity. I'm not saying it's not warranted. I am saying its obvious.

You should talk to someone - a professional.

I know you don't want to sound like a spoiled teenager BUT your family is having "financial problems" so extreme that you are sitting around in the dark, unable to turn on the lights - and you don't have a part-time job? Maybe you need a mother; maybe your family needs some help.

I'm sorry. But I have summarized everything. Financial problems? My father lost his job a week ago. My mother is unemployed. We're in debt, to put it lightly. But that means nothing to me. I don't care about money. I care about love. When I say I've been hit without justification, I mean I've attended school, even this year, more than once, with bruises on my face. Bruises on my eyes and cheeks. Swollen cheeks. No apologies. Listen, I'm not saying my pain is greater than anyone's. Yes I suppose I need a therapist. But I also suppose I need a ing family.

I'm sorry. But I have summarized everything. Financial problems? My father lost his job a week ago. My mother is unemployed. We're in debt, to put it lightly. But that means nothing to me. I don't care about money. I care about love. When I say I've been hit without justification, I mean I've attended school, even this year, more than once, with bruises on my face. Bruises on my eyes and cheeks. Swollen cheeks. No apologies. Listen, I'm not saying my pain is greater than anyone's. Yes I suppose I need a therapist. But I also suppose I need a ing family.

If you have been physically abused talk to someone at school. There are laws against that. If an investigation finds that you are being abused you could be put in foster care and your friend could foster you.


. I just need my dose of motherliness and family at least once a week. I'll move out next year when I am eighteen and I can then be in a comfortable environment of my own choice.

Frankly, at your age, I doubt if that dose of mothering will do much. By 17 your psyche is pretty well formed. Also, you may not be able to move out at 18. From what I read (see the link I gave you) age of majority in South Africa is 21.

I'm sorry. But I have summarized everything. Financial problems? My father lost his job a week ago. My mother is unemployed. We're in debt, to put it lightly. But that means nothing to me. I don't care about money. I care about love. When I say I've been hit without justification, I mean I've attended school, even this year, more than once, with bruises on my face. Bruises on my eyes and cheeks. Swollen cheeks. No apologies. Listen, I'm not saying my pain is greater than anyone's. Yes I suppose I need a therapist. But I also suppose I need a ing family.


But the reason you aren't pitching in financially is..

You have a family. You may not like them. They may not like you. You are not without a family. I find it odd that everyone has turned against you.

Bruises on your face, bruised eyes, swollen and bruised cheeks? Speak to someone in authority at your school OR call the Police. Physical abuse is uncalled for.

We're having financial troubles, so I cannot turn on any lights. It's dark and all I can do is listen to french music
Doesn't the CD player or whatever you are using take electricity? And you have a computer and the Internet connection?

Why don't you have at least a part-time job?

My school has spoken to me. On many an occasion. About the bruises and my behaviour. You know, they were convinced I was going to commit suicide. So was I. I was 15 at the time.

Yes it won't make much of a difference, but it will be good for me.

I have spoken to child-line but anonymously. I am afraid it doesn't work (south africa is so unreliable with this stuff.) My father will.. Go mad if he finds out. You see, one day I hope to connect with my family. But there's too much right now. With this age. And the context being so recent. For now, I need to get out.

Why haven't I contributed financially yet? I only found out he lost his job yesterday. Not even directly, god forbid.

I will contribute if need be.

Music on my phone, internet on my phone. Guys, forget the money. Jesus. I don't care about the money. Only reason I mentioned that is because the darkness heightens the loneliness. It's like a physical metaphor of living in this house.

Music on my phone, internet on my phone. Guys, forget the money. Jesus. I don't care about the money. Only reason I mentioned that is because the darkness heightens the loneliness. It's like a physical metaphor of living in this house.


Please watch your mouth. We didn't mention money - you did. If it's not important why was it mentioned?

So your father lost his job yesterday and today you're all sitting in the dark. Sorry, I see a lot of drama and exaggeration and very little else.

If you had thoughts of suicide 2 years ago you need a therapist, not some friend's mother who, by the way, could ask your parents if you could live with her without adoption.

Everything that goes wrong in your life is NOT the fault of your parents. At your age I'm sure you've caused a problem or two for them.

I find almost everyone is being very subjective? Defending my family, and I don't see how. He lost his job a week ago. I found out yesterday. We've turned electricity off to save money. How is that exaggerated?

Why did I mention money? Only to give the point that I am sitting in the darkness, when I have recently been sitting in lightness.

She hasn't asked my parents because frankly that's rather inappropriate.

I need love. Not a therapist. I'm not depressed anymore. I've aged so much over the past three years. I am an old soul. Still ageing. I know myself well; spritually and physically. I need to be in a peaceful environment.

I'm afraid none of you are quite getting that, and it is my main point. Everyone is focusing on such trivial things right now. Psychologists about my past, contributing to financial troubles in my home, etc.

I need the love of a family. I need the love of a family. I need the love of a family. Psychologists won't help that (and I don't need to see one either as I have dealt and am dealing with my depression- I've been in a very peaceful place lately as I've spent more time with my friend's mother. We have not met one another by coincidence, there is a reason for this and we both know it.

These responses give me zero hope, and that makes me feel smaller and smaller and smaller. I am a minor, but I am not young.

Your posts are very lyrical, very poetic.

All very dramatic and poetic. No question you have a way with words.

But I am not trying to be poetic. Writing is a large part of my life. It has been my safe place for as long as I can remember. Anyway, thank you, everyone. I didn't get answers I was hoping for, but such is life, is it not? This will be over next year.

What answers did you hope to hear?

I didn't get answers I was hoping for,.

This site is different from most other Q&A sites. We try to provide solutions here, not just answers.

When it comes to answers we try to give the correct answers, not just what a poster wants to hear. But we also try to add advice that may help with the poster's situation. We have seen too many teenagers who think their home life is bad and want a different situation, but we also know we are only hearing one side of things.

You mention you have talked to the school about the physical abuse. What was the result?

Answers of hope, rather than well.. The opposite. It started well - and that's the only post I find relevant. Moving out.

The rest of the answers questioned my whole life. And almost implied that I am lying.

I hoped for a solution to help me, rather than an analysis of what I have done, and am doing, wrong.

The school sent me to the school's psychologist every day for two years. I never spoke about my family there, just about what I was feeling at the time. I would speak ambiguously about the pain I have been through with regard to my upbringing and family.

Their side of the story would mean nothing. I understand everything around me. And I am not in the wrong, they are. I accept punishment, I accept consequences. But there is such a difference between discipline and pain.

Talking about it again, and thinking about it again, makes me feel awful. I'm so happy right now, and I am so sad.

I want to be adopted, but it is not possible. I want to leave, so I will.

Well, then you got your answer. Wait until you are legal age, then leave.

Has your friend's mother asked your parents if you can live with her, without the benefit of adoption?

You say you've been a cutter for years. Have your parents also been in therapy to attempt to understand?

The school sent me to the school's psychologist every day for two years. I never spoke about my family there, just about what I was feeling at the time. I would speak ambiguously about the pain I have been through with regard to my upbringing and family.
And how was that supposed to help, if you refused to cooperate?

This also concerns me - why spend your time and the Psychologist's time (and energy and education) when you aren't going to be truthful? If the Psychologist wasn't told the truth (and the whole truth) why should I believe that I am now hearing the whole story?

I don't think adoption will solve this. I think it will be attempting to fill a well with a teaspoon. I hope I'm wrong.

My mom has seen a psychologist before, she was suicidal for a while. It was about six years ago. She got recommended a psychiatrist and was subsequently put on medication. The medication destroyed her, she held a gun to her head in front of me and my brother.

Because of that incident my family strongly disagree with therapy and most definitely medication. "Suck it up" would be an appropriate thing to say to someone in pain.

I would not be allowed to see a psychologist, I would get into trouble if I did.

I've spoken to her (friend's mom) about it a few times. She wants to meet my mother and perhaps build a relationship with her before she eases in the concept of me staying with her. It's difficult to go about. You know? It's not a very conventional situation I'm in.

I would not be allowed to see a psychologist, I would get into trouble if I did.
But you DID see one for two years, you said, but constantly put roadblocks in the way of any therapy.

I was truthful to the psychologist. I spoke about what I felt. It's hard to go into detail about being hit, or even verbally put down. It's hard! It's not easy! At all! I hardly speak at all, never mind about my life.

That is why I am here, it is anonymous. Nobody here knows me.

Why spend my time there? Because it did help talking about my feelings. The psychologist helped me deal with my emotions and my cutting. We focused mainly on my self-harm. And it helped. So it was beneficial.

Why is there so much miscommunication.

My life has so much context. I cannot type out every detail. I simply can't? When asked a question I'll explain. I can't write everything out at once. Every aspect. That's madness.

I saw one at the school. My parents didn't know. If they did they would make me stop going. I'm quite certain. My brother needs to see a psychologist. He needs to go to rehab, too. But my parents refuse. That is why I haven't even attempted in asking.

How do you get close enough to an adult female to discuss adoption without her meeting your parents? Don't they wonder where you are?

She is my friend's mom. So when I go to my friend's house I spend time with her. My friend's mom also fetches me from school sometimes and drives me home. We have an unbelievable connection. I'm not sure how or where it began. But wow.. She is in my heart. She most definitely is the biggest part of my life right now. The biggest part anything has ever been in my life.

We have not met by coincidence. We were supposed to meet.

Why is there so much miscommunication.

Why? Because you say a lot without saying anything.

So start up again with the school psychologist. There is a confidentiality agreement and bond you two will have, so your parents won't know unless you tell them.

See that needs context, too. The psychology ended badly. I found out, via a teacher whom I am close with, that the psychologist told the staff-room I am suicidal and she described everything I told her. This infuriated me. A lot. I told her I found out and I didn't do this in a very mature way. I ended up getting in a lot of trouble. So, it would be awkward to start seeing her again.

I don't need to see a psychologist. I need love.

I need love.
You have love.

I do, but I need it every day. Not just weekends. The notion in itself makes me unbelievably happy. But it's so uncomfortable to be surrounded by.. No love.

I need it physically too. I need love every day. Not just weekends.

Like I said. I am so sad, and I am so happy.

Meeting your emotional needs is like filling a well with a teaspoon. Until you conquer your demons (and what you post is like shifting sands) you are never going to find what you "need."

Do you love yourself? That's where love must begin.

Like I've said. I've dealt with my depression. Yet I am still dealing with it. I understand it will be a part of my life for as long as I live. But it will not kill me. It is not killing me like it used to.

You know how I spend this weekend? I went to my friends house, sat outside with his mom. On the grass with several blankets and a guitar. And I rested my head on her shoulder. And we spoke until 2am. She went to sleep and in the morning I took her children on a picnic (9 year old son, 12 year old son - then my 17 year old friend) for her so she could have some peace at home. I played soccer with her sons and I put their jerseys on them so they don't get sick.

I am already a part of that family. It makes no sense living here. Just as I feel my existence doesn't make sense here.

With her, it makes sense.

I've turned my pain into experience, I've gained wisdom. I feel much older than I am. So everything tends to be trivial to me- but this is not. This love. I'm older, wiser, and calmer now. I have recently been practising meditation and that helps both relax me and energize me. Two of my biggest physical struggles.

I am on the right road. I have never been in such a good space. It is because I have a mother now.

She's not your mother. It's a romantic thought, but it's not the truth. So she sits outside with you until 2AM. You then care for her children for her so she has peace at home. You care for her children so they don't get sick. Where is she during all of this? Those children are her responsibilities, not yours. If she can't sit up until 2AM and take care of her children she should go to bed earlier.

This is a little too hippie-guitar playing-peace and love for me. This ADULT is doing you (a CHILD) absolutely no favors. I can't believe your friend isn't somewhat resentful - and deservedly so. I can't address South Africa but in the US this ADULT female could be charged with parental interference.

And depression does not last a lifetime - lots of depressed people take medication, lead totally successful and happy lives.

You are gone from home overnight, caring for another person's children? Do you have any responsibilities at home?

Do I love myself? That's a difficult question I've been asked before.

It never made sense to me. Because I never felt real. Ever. I could never fathom my actual existence. I've always felt like a memory.

I love myself when I am with my "mother" (my friend's mom) - typing that makes me cry. Tears of appreciation. Like I said in my first post- I feel in place with her. Genuinely real. And existent. And present. And seen. And heard. And felt.
More than I could ever ask for.

I love myself now. But it's difficult when I'm here. In this house. In this dark and this silence. It's hard to merely use personal pronouns like "I" and "my"

But a fraction of my consciousness know I am alive. I just need to be in a place to trigger it all.

Moderately difficult question.

It never made sense to me. Because I never felt real. Ever. I could never fathom my actual existence. I've always felt like a memory. ... But it's difficult when I'm here. In this house. In this dark and this silence. It's hard to merely use personal pronouns like "I" and "my" ... But a fraction of my consciousness know I am alive. I just need to be in a place to trigger it all.


A little too teenage dramatic for me - sort of the South African version of MacBeth.

WG, I'm out of this. OP doesn't want advice. She wants help with her creative writing skills. Again, a little too over the top dramatic for me. I see tons and tons of self pity.

WG, it's all yours!

JudyKayTee - that was one weekend. Don't take things out of context so dramatically. I offered to take them, anyway. She was awake, making breakfast for us all. She didn't ask anything of me. I just felt more than a little bit compelled to reciprocate the love she gives me. My friend is not resentful in the least, we're not 12 years old. I wouldn't associate myself with such immature people. He is so happy for me. He is extremely happy I'm doing so well. You should see me when I'm with them.

I know myself well. I know myself so well. I KNOW I will struggle with depression through out my life. And I'm not afraid. I learn from pain. I appreciate pain as it literally makes me a better person. I will always learn from depression.

'I've grown up in a reality where I feel, genuinely, that I do not exist. My physical presence has always shocked me, every day. The existence of myself makes no sense to me.'

I can relate to that (but I am now 65).

I'm glad you have found a loving mother. I wouldn't count on adoption happening though. It could be that she is just making you feel wanted, but by the time an adoption went through (even if your parents both signed the papers) you will most likely be 18, and I just don't see even the most loving parent willing to adopt you now. You are intelligent but I'm not sure how realistic you are. There's something sort of dreamy and full of drama about you (cutting out lights but not expensive cell phone)? Describing scenes of leaning on her in an idyllic setting. This is nice but it isn't the next 5, 10, 20 years - her children will leave home and so will you.

Your real mother has been through some horrible situations and you mention them, but don't seem to be interested in seeing her superficial and materialistic character as a defense mechanism. I suppose that we don't do that when young - a parent is merely a parent, not a person so much. And a failure if we aren't loved. Someday you will look back and see.

Good luck with a very near adulthood.

I've already gotten my solution. I've already taken the advice. I'm going to move out. Simple as that.

Joypulv, I take that to heart and really respect that. Thank you. I understand.

I know it's her coping mechanism by the way. Just as my father's anger is his.

I guess it's just illogical to me. As my defense mechanism is to turn to pain.

Thank you so much. I respect that.

As my defense mechanism is to turn to pain.

No, I don't see pain as your defense mechanism. Do you really understand what a defense mechanism is?

As I've said, I know myself. And I do know what a defence mechanism means. Pain could mean several things. I'm drawn to it all. If it means not talking about my problems, if it means not-eating, if it means crying without reason, if it means hurting those around me. I do it unwillingly.

(I won't interfere in the other two people's argument- however I will say I'm sorry I'm the catalyst for it. Also, thank you both for your opinions and solutions and most of all, time.)

Whatever. Not going to explain or defend myself. I'm out.

Please do, very poor advice can serious hurt people, the last post of the OP was she was "moving out" which can end her up in detention, or worst.

I know school is out and you kids are having fun and meaning well, but I wish you would take the posts serious and not encourage kids to do impulsive and harmful things.

Running away and just moving out is not a answer.

When I am eighteen I am legal to move out. I am then legally classified as an adult. I will be fine. It will be normal for me to move out next year, anyway.

I just got on this thread please excuse me if I say something all ready said. As always take what works and leave the rest behind as not all advice will work for everyone.
1. Is there a way you can radically accept where you are living and find elsewhere for the needs that are not being met. By radically accept I mean your life is what it is nothing more nothing less. I seem to remember you posting that medication and or therapy is not an option and that is why I suggest this skill. You can still get your emotional needs met from your moms friend and live at home.

2. If physical abuse is an issue I will say contact the authorities and tell the truth. Don't under state it nor over state it. Just the facts with no judgements attached (another skill)

3. Make a list of where you want your life to be and how you want to be as an adult and start working towards it with baby steps. Don't forget to add on any emotional growth you want to occur.

4. Self injury is a coping mechanism. It is neither good nor bad. It is a way to cope when you have no other options available due to you not knowing any other methods. I too self injured and will give you some advice for this as well.
a) journaling writing things down can make things clearer for you and may show you areas to work on.
b) have a safety box, this is a box that you keep in one area and you go to when high emotions are occurring. Something's in my safety box are (and these are only examples yours may be different) coloring books, crayons, markers, pencils, puzzle books, books, lotion, stuffed animals. I only have things in there that I find soothing.
c) when you are ready to learn new coping mechanisms find a therapist that is experienced in people who injure themselves (starving and cutting for you ) Also make sure they know about the sexual abuse as that is a factor as well. Why I say find experienced ones as I have had ones that just made me sign a no injure contract and if I did I was not allowed to see them. I found that no help at all as I would hide it or let the emotions build until I was suicidal.
d) Go to this sticky I wrote some will apply for you and some won't. As I said earlier take what you need and ignore the rest https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/suggestions-suicidal-thoughts-653654.html

5. I am happy you found an adult who you feel cares for you. I would suggest when you are in wise mind and not emotional mind sit down and think on the relationship. Make sure it is what you think it is. People with issues such as yours and mind can very easily make decisions in emotional mind. I am not saying it is good nor bad that is your decision and yours alone.

6. Please please finish school do not move out until you have. It is very hard to support yourself without a good education. I am speaking from experience.

I appreciate your advice. Just to let everyone know, again, I don't cut myself anymore. I used to. I was a different person then. Swimming in a black wave. I write short stories as a safe-place. I have a secret box filled with notes and scraps of paper that I have found or personally received. They're all of positive connotations.

And of course I am going to finish school. After high school I'm going to study fine arts and perhaps philosophy. I will then move on to greater things.

When I move out, I don't even necessarily mean into the home of my friend's mother. I just mean away from home. And I am so looking forward to that.

What is in my heart is that this woman is my mother, at least for now. I've lose ones close to me before. And at my age that sounds silly, but it turns out, it's not.

As long as I keep her in my life, for as long as I can, I think I will be satisfied.

To know she is there. I mentioned earlier that that notion in itself makes me happy. As long as I do not lose her. I will be okay. I just need to move out of this house. I wish I could do it sooner.

Teenagers all over the world frequently develop romantic notions of other people and other situations. Convinced whatever situation they are is is the worst it can be and anything would be better. Usually because of a complete lack or real life experience in the real world on their own. Reality usually hits them real hard when they discover the real world isn't what they imagined in their dreams... and that they are really on their own. If they don't have money they won't have a place to stay or food to eat.

And people they thought were their friends... either abandon them immediately... or not long after they tire of the mooching... or the teen discovers these people in real life were not nearly as perfect as the versions they created that existed in only in their minds.

We call that learning experience.. "graduating from the school of hard knocks"

As far as your dreams of planning to study the fine arts and philosophy after high school... if you move out... how do you intend to support yourself and pay for this... do you think those things will get you a job that actually pays money? At least one you could do without that course of study.

Quite honestly... study those if you wish as a minor... but major in something else that will get you a job that pays real money.

You have no idea, I'm afraid. That is a terrible generalization, that I actually agree with. But does not apply to me. You do not know me. Nor will you ever know me.

That is not an answer to this. That is only perceptive superiority. I'm not a stupid little child living in a dream world. Whatsoever. I'm logical. I am a realist. I've seen awful things. I've seen wonderful things. Who are you, as an adult, to disrespect me so thoroughly.

Ps. Do you any idea how many jobs I can get with a degree in fine arts? I'm sure you do. As you are so knowledgeable on life. I feel like I should bow down to you. Perhaps kiss your shoes.

Please. I have everything sorted out now.

I am going places and I just realised that.

Please. I have everything sorted out now.



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