I have always been that kind of person who wants all the best things in life and who fight to all respects to get them. I also have always been that kind of student highly appreciated by teachers and parents and strongly hated by everybody else, but I never gave up till two years ago when I had some health problems (severe back aches and anemia) and the doctores recommended me to take it easy.

The reason that I risked my life studying about 20 h per day is that I used to be highly motivated, I had a lot of dreams and knew that if I studied I could make them come true some day. But I didn't lose my motivation because of these health issues, but because I realised that I wasted a lot of time studying and I know less than one who barely read something for school. I didn't learn anything by heart (if this is what you're thinking), but I simply need(ed) a lot of time to fix all the knowledge and despite the passion, I never reached any high levels nor won any kind of competition. I know it probably sounds fishy, but this is the truth: I spent my life learning and ended up with a blank mind.

A few months ago, I met a guy who made me feel again confident about myself and my future, but since we broke up everything's back again. I have one more year before going to university and I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. Anything that fascinates me seems so impossible to reach and anytime I try to learn something I discover that I still don't know anything.

What's more, I not only hate myself as a student, but also a human being. I believe I am the most boring person in the world and I have several arguments for this: since I've been stdying all the time, I never made time for family, friends, watching a good movie or doing something fun, so, I have nothing to tell about myself, about my personality, I don't know who I am, what I want, what I like, how to be like... I tried to slowly integrate myself in this world by making new friends, doing something interesting, learining practical skills, but it just doesn't work. I still don't have any friends (even my best friends betray me or I have to leave them because they take advantage of me), I still don't have an interesting life, I still don't know what I'm doing and where I'm going.

So, please, help realise what should I do to correct myself and think as I should.

As a result of all that's happened, you may have spiraled yourself into depression. It's quite common, amongts people I know at least, and can be very dangerous. A lot of what you've explained can be symptoms. Try having a read at this, and if this applies to you, I would get help. Possibly talk to a counselor, a teacher or a responsible adult.

My mother has been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember and it's not something to dismiss easily.


http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm

I hope this helps, and best of luck.

I have already tried to talk to a few concellors but as you can see, they didn't help me at all. Most of their techinques can be easily found on the internet, so I could have tested them on my own. What I feel that I need is a true friend that would stand by my side in good and in bad times, but since I don't have anybody of this kind I have to make it on my own. I have no choice. Even my parents hate me...

Your thought process tells me that you have depression, only seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. Coming acrossed good friends in life is hard, took me the better part of my life to find and figure out who my friends are. It's hard, and it can take some time. All I can say is to try and find something that you enjoy doing, and stick to it. Eventually you'll meet people who share such interests, therefore opening friendship doors.

I think I just discovered what caused my lately studying issues. One of my teachers told us about a colleague of him who pushed himself too hard and at some point he needed to take on medicines in order to cope with studies. So, I fear I am in the same situation. I know for sure this is the cause for everything, but now that I made this clear, how should I remedy the situation? It's not a simple sprain of muscle that goes away the next day/s, it's an intellectual exauhstion.