dontletmego
May 29, 2012, 05:21 AM
I have always been that kind of person who wants all the best things in life and who fight to all respects to get them. I also have always been that kind of student highly appreciated by teachers and parents and strongly hated by everybody else, but I never gave up till two years ago when I had some health problems (severe back aches and anemia) and the doctores recommended me to take it easy.
The reason that I risked my life studying about 20 h per day is that I used to be highly motivated, I had a lot of dreams and knew that if I studied I could make them come true some day. But I didn't lose my motivation because of these health issues, but because I realised that I wasted a lot of time studying and I know less than one who barely read something for school. I didn't learn anything by heart (if this is what you're thinking), but I simply need(ed) a lot of time to fix all the knowledge and despite the passion, I never reached any high levels nor won any kind of competition. I know it probably sounds fishy, but this is the truth: I spent my life learning and ended up with a blank mind.
A few months ago, I met a guy who made me feel again confident about myself and my future, but since we broke up everything's back again. I have one more year before going to university and I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. Anything that fascinates me seems so impossible to reach and anytime I try to learn something I discover that I still don't know anything.
What's more, I not only hate myself as a student, but also a human being. I believe I am the most boring person in the world and I have several arguments for this: since I've been stdying all the time, I never made time for family, friends, watching a good movie or doing something fun, so, I have nothing to tell about myself, about my personality, I don't know who I am, what I want, what I like, how to be like... I tried to slowly integrate myself in this world by making new friends, doing something interesting, learining practical skills, but it just doesn't work. I still don't have any friends (even my best friends betray me or I have to leave them because they take advantage of me), I still don't have an interesting life, I still don't know what I'm doing and where I'm going.
So, please, help realise what should I do to correct myself and think as I should.
The reason that I risked my life studying about 20 h per day is that I used to be highly motivated, I had a lot of dreams and knew that if I studied I could make them come true some day. But I didn't lose my motivation because of these health issues, but because I realised that I wasted a lot of time studying and I know less than one who barely read something for school. I didn't learn anything by heart (if this is what you're thinking), but I simply need(ed) a lot of time to fix all the knowledge and despite the passion, I never reached any high levels nor won any kind of competition. I know it probably sounds fishy, but this is the truth: I spent my life learning and ended up with a blank mind.
A few months ago, I met a guy who made me feel again confident about myself and my future, but since we broke up everything's back again. I have one more year before going to university and I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. Anything that fascinates me seems so impossible to reach and anytime I try to learn something I discover that I still don't know anything.
What's more, I not only hate myself as a student, but also a human being. I believe I am the most boring person in the world and I have several arguments for this: since I've been stdying all the time, I never made time for family, friends, watching a good movie or doing something fun, so, I have nothing to tell about myself, about my personality, I don't know who I am, what I want, what I like, how to be like... I tried to slowly integrate myself in this world by making new friends, doing something interesting, learining practical skills, but it just doesn't work. I still don't have any friends (even my best friends betray me or I have to leave them because they take advantage of me), I still don't have an interesting life, I still don't know what I'm doing and where I'm going.
So, please, help realise what should I do to correct myself and think as I should.