My boyfriend and I have been fighting and breaking up a lot of times for the past months. We are in a long distance relationship and in addition, he is in the military training. Before he entered the military, we always fight for the reason that I always accuse him of meeting other girl even if I don't have any proof or when he reply to my messages late. Another reason why we fight is when I complain for his late replies and start to flood him with messages. My boyfriend usually break up with me when we fight for the reason that he thinks I don't stop until he says the words "we're done". But after some episodes of begging him to stay, he stays and give me chances. This already happened several times.

Nowadays, we can only communicate once a week since he is in the military. 3 weeks ago, we fought because he got a vacation from his training so he went outside, but when he started replying late, I started accusing him that maybe he is dating a girl, when he got fed up, again he said we are done and he couldn't take anymore the stupid things I keep on saying. I begged for him to stay but he didn't answer anymore. That time I thought it is for real. After 3 days he got a chance to use a phone, so he sent me a message. I asked him to give me a chance so he did but according to him he is sure it will happen again. After that, for 3 weeks we didn't fight anymore but I notice something strange about him, although he still says I love you before I say it, I think he is a bit dry. He used to call me "My Love" but this time he doesn't cal me like that anymore. When I ask him if something is wrong he just answer nothing and I am just thinking too much (which I also consider because I worry about what I have done).

After 3 weeks he got a vacation again, and when we got a chance for a video call I saw his face looking so stressful. He doesn't smile, and when I ask him to smile he said "I don't smile well, sorry, but I don't mean anything" and he added "I've been living like this lately and even you don't like it, it's already me" (he is talking about the stressful training in military). Because of that I asked him again if we are really fine, he got a bit annoyed and said "I told you it's not about you" but I still asked. Finally he got fed up and hang the call.

That night until the other day I didn't receive any message from him and though I kept asking him to reply he didn't give me any. Later I kept on flooding him with messages asking him to tell me what is the meaning of his silence (thinking it might mean break up) until finally he got fed up again and replied "we are done. I was planning to be okay but because of what you are doing I can't be okay anymore. Goodbye and take care". I asked him to stay but he didn't reply anymore. The next day I asked him if it's really over and if won't he come back anymore but he answered "we are done, I won't go back to you. I already gave you chances" and even I tried to beg him he didn't reply anymore after that.

Do you think it's really final and over?

I sure hope it is because you are so needy and insecure, if its not over, he will break up again for sure. Why do you have to pester the guy with this clingy crap? Long distance clingy crap at that?

Can you not change?

I sure hope it is because you are so needy and insecure, if its not over, he will break up again for sure. Why do you have to pester the guy with this clingy crap? Long distance clingy crap at that?

Can you not change?


I know I have problem and I am willing to change.. but do I still have chance? Or you think he is really gone?

When are you going to change? When you know its over? Or if he comes back? If he did come back, why would this time be any different than any other time?

I don't know if he will be back, or if you have a chance at him coming back. I seriously doubt he would be in a hurry for the same old thing to happen again. Especially if you are blowing up his phone with texts and messages like before.

Work on your change and see what happens with the rest. Leave him alone and let him decide for himself what he wants to do.

How many chances do you think you will get? You seem to have squandered many already.

When are you going to change? When you know its over? Or if he comes back? If he did come back, why would this time be any different than any other time?

I don't know if he will be back, or if you have a chance at him coming back. I seriously doubt he would be in a hurry for the same old thing to happen again. Especially if you are blowing up his phone with texts and messages like before.

Work on your change and see what happens with the rest. Leave him alone and let him decide for himself what he wants to do.

How many chances do you think you will get? You seem to have squandered many already.

I guess you are right. I blew a lot of chances already. I already stop texting him from the day he said it's over. I just hope I'll get a chance to talk to him again and also change and prove it to him.. I hope it's never too late..

if he did give you a chance, I'd think there was something wrong with him!

All he wants to do is make something of himself, have a loving, supporting and trusting partner back home, and you were making that extremely hard for him to balance both.

I think you should break all contact, work on yourself and work on your trust issues, then maybe re-establish contact once he has finished his training. That will give you both space, and if he still doesn't want to know, or has met someone else who understands his commitment to his job, then at least you tried and you can move on and maybe find a partner who doesn't work away for his job to make sure you feel more secure.

Good luck =)

Before you worry about getting him back or talking to him again, I suggest you work on your confidence and self-esteem. Because even if you somehow got back together, things will only blow up again.

if he did give you a chance, i'd think there was something wrong with him!

All he wants to do is make something of himself, have a loving, supporting and trusting partner back home, and you were making that extremely hard for him to balance both.

i think you should break all contact, work on yourself and work on your trust issues, then maybe re-establish contact once he has finished his training. that will give you both space, and if he still doesn't want to know, or has met someone else who understands his commitment to his job, then at least you tried and you can move on and maybe find a partner who doesn't work away for his job to make sure you feel more secure.

Good luck =)

But Im not having issues about his job I totally understand his commitment and the last time we foufht was no longer about accusing him of being with a girl or a late reply.. I just thought he has some problems and I wanted to know what is it so I ended up asking him.. But it is a fact that he easily gets mad at me ALWAYS when I ask questions.. and when I ask him why he doesn't reply if he need space or it means break up he ignores everything and later finally said "its over".. I don't know if its just same issue as before or its really over...


Before you worry about getting him back or talking to him again, I suggest you work on your confidence and self-esteem. Because even if you somehow got back together, things will only blow up again.

Yes certainly. And that is my problem.. about working on my being "needy"... hmm help

Guys mean what they say when they need space... they really do just need space! While us girls want to sit and talk, guys want time to chill out, think it over, and maybe go out with the lads. That is probably what is bothering him, if it's not about trusting him, it's about nagging him about what's up. Either way, nagging him won't do any good.

If he says he is not feeling too good for whatever reason, and he doesn't say anything more, let him talk to you, assure him you are there for him, but don't keep pestering him, he will (and is, by the sound of it) resent you for it

guys mean what they say when they need space... they really do just need space! while us girls want to sit and talk, guys want time to chill out, think it over, and maybe go out with the lads. that is probably what is bothering him, if it's not about trusting him, it's about nagging him about what's up. either way, nagging him won't do any good.

if he says he is not feeling too good for whatever reason, and he doesn't say anything more, let him talk to you, assure him you are there for him, but don't keep pestering him, he will (and is, by the sound of it) resent you for it

Yes you are right. Hmm we have been together for 3years and it's just so hard to let go.. what do you think is the best thing I should do? Just let go and move on,for good?

I get it, you obviously care for him, but I think you should sit down by yourself, and think about what you need to do to help yourself. Maybe after some counselling, try writing him a letter. That way he gets your opinion fully before deciding if he wants to talk, and you can let him know how you feel, and how you've grown, while thinking about it carefully before sending it, without getting upset about talking to him. Then just hope for the best and the next time he is back home, he may want to talk, at least to see how you are

I get it, you obviously care for him, but i think you should sit down by yourself, and think about what you need to do to help yourself. maybe after some counselling, try writing him a letter. that way he gets your opinion fully before deciding if he wants to talk, and you can let him know how you feel, and how you've grown, while thinking about it carefully before sending it, without getting upset about talking to him. then just hope for the best and the next time he is back home, he may want to talk, at least to see how you are

You are right. Maybe for now that's the only thing I can do. Since he only get a chance to use phone on Sundays, I have to wait for longer time. Therefore I have to think over while waiting..

Glad to help, honey =)

remember, only you can fix you

Glad to help, honey =)

remember, only you can fix you

Thanks! :)

We broke up a month ago but the closure was just 2 weeks ago.

The story goes like this, the latter part of our relationship we always fight because I had been clingy and nagged him whenever I receive late replies or doubt him of meeting a girl during his vacations. We had a lot of "break ups and make ups". He had given me a lot of chances but again and again I failed until the last 3 weeks of our relationship we were fine but he was kind of dry so I kept on asking him if we are okay but in the end he got annoyed and broke up with me.

After a week he talked to me again and since I asked him for a chance to win him back, for 3 weeks we were communicating normally, no fights, no pressures BUT not as a couple. After 3 weeks I asked him regarding our status but he refused to talk about it, and then a week later he opened it up and finally he told me "I still care about you, I still worry for you, just like before, but I'm not sure if it's still love". So I got the message, I think he have fallen out of love for me maybe because of the repeated fights.

I asked him if he wants me to let him go and he answered "YES, JUST FOR NOW, LATER WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, BUT NOT NOW" so it ended up. But he said he still want to keep our communication even we are not couple anymore, I asked him why but he said "why should we stop?" I explained but he didn't reply anymore. After 4 days he texted me again "I didn't wanna reply about that, anyway, how are you?" I didn't reply and after a week he texted me again, and we talked just so casual, he thanked me for accepting his decision and understanding him and then we just talked about our works and some casual stuffs.

He had phone for 3 days but he just contact me 1 day, so I let him. 3 days later he texted me again "how are u?" I guess he was given chance to use phone, I din't reply. I don't know if I should still keep in touch with him or not. I still love him and of course I still hope to have him back. I'm trapped by his words "just for now" I don't know if he is still considering about making it up with me in time.

Do you think it's really over? Should I cut our communication at all? Or should I stay beside him and support him and maybe later we can still be together? What is the right thing to do? All of my friends are saying I should cut our communication so he can have space and realize if he still want me back or not, but I worry that if I'll do that then everything will end there. Please help.

By the way, I asked him twice if he met new girl but he answered "no, it's just about you and me". Also he is in military service, he can only use phone on weekends and for 4 months now he just had 2 one day vacations.

I think you need to leave him alone and work on yourself without him. I mean a guy with one time a week to use the phone needs happy, cheery people to use that one phone call on, not some one who worries his head or thinks he is cheating or messing around. So until you can be that's positive person, and in control of yourself, you should leave him alone.

Don't you have friends and a fun life after work?

So I don't know if I should still answer his messages. He still sends me messages whenever he has phone, until now. I'm thinking if should I reply and be a friend to him, which my friends think it's a no no because he might think I'm OK with that set up of not being "us" but still always available, or should I just ignore him. Honestly, I still love him and want him back but I now I know I'll be fine even if it's really over. For now, I just need an opinion if I should answer his messages or not. By the way, after we broke up last May 28, which was a fight, we didn't fight anymore about those stuffs. I'm just confused about his 'just for now' and his texts...

I think you need to leave him alone and work on yourself without him. I mean a guy with one time a week to use the phone needs happy, cheery people to use that one phone call on, not some one who worries his head or thinks he is cheating or messing around. So until you can be thats positive person, and in control of yourself, you should leave him alone.

Don't you have friends and a fun life after work?

So I don't know if I should still answer his messages. He still sends me messages whenever he has phone, until now. I'm thinking if should I reply and be a friend to him, which my friends think it's a no no because he might think I'm OK with that set up of not being "us" but still always available, or should I just ignore him. Honestly, I still love him and want him back but I now I know I'll be fine even if it's really over. For now, I just need an opinion if I should answer his messages or not. By the way, after we broke up last May 28, which was a fight, we didn't fight anymore about those stuffs. I'm just confused about his 'just for now' and his texts...

Try life without him, and see what happens.

Hi! I guess we have the same situation. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We also argue.. But what I can suggest you is to talk to your boyfriend, open up things to him.. tell him about how you feel. Maybe the reason why sometimes he's pissed is because he's tired from his training. Show him you care. Don't argue with him. Let him feel that you're still there for him. Give it a time. If you still feel like he doesn't care anymore then maybe its time to let go. Or talk to him, ask him if he wants space or anything. Then try not to communicate with him. Maybe that time he'll realize what he really want. If you love him, hold on to that. But if he doesn't seem to care anymore, let go.. give yourself a time to think also. Make yourself busy. With my situation, I opened everything with my boyfriend, and now.. were even better and stronger. Because it takes two people for a relationship to work. Don't stress yourself too much! Always think positive! Kind regards :)

Hi! I guess we have the same situation. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We also argue.. But what I can suggest you is to talk to your bf, open up things to him.. tell him about how you feel. maybe the reason why sometimes he's pissed is because he's tired from his training. Show him you care. Dont argue with him. Let him feel that you're still there for him. Give it a time. If you still feel like he doesnt care anymore then maybe its time to let go. Or talk to him, ask him if he wants space or anything. Then try not to communicate with him. Maybe that time he'll realize what he really want. If you love him, hold on to that. But if he doesnt seem to care anymore, let go.. give yourself a time to think also. make urself busy. with my situation, I opened everything with my bf, and now.. were even better and stronger. because it takes two people for a relationship to work. Dont stress yourself too much! Always think positive! Kind regards :)

Thanks joyce! But the sad part is, he already broke up with me giving me reson like he fell out of love and saying just for now I should let him go, that maybe one day we can make it again.. hmm he still try to contact me till now but I don't know if I should still keep in touch with him or not...

It sounds like he wants to be your friend and is trying to work through the problems you had and his feelings about things (your needs your insecurities)... if you cut him off because he's not giving you what you need and you're still holding on to him and "needing" -- it won't work!

You have to legitimately focus on your own life outside of him no matter if you're friends and talking or cutting off contact completely. If you weren't focusing on "winning him back" contact with him wouldn't upset you so much. (you wanting something he can't give) and you can continue to grow your relationship -- if you can't handle that and keep falling into obsessing about what he's doing, when he's calling, why he still isn't wanting to be with you , etc. etc. -- then maybe "friendship" is not where YOU'RE at.

There's nothing wrong with asking for a little space to focus on you for awhile to move on with your life.

You have to let go even if you guys can get back together later.

Thank you for answering WhisperWill! ;)

Im really having so much hard time nowadays.. no matter how much I try to keep myself busy I just can't help but to think about it..

Honestly, I don't want to reply to his messaged because I want him to think things over and realize if he really doesn't need me anymore. But another reason is, I worry that if I will answer his messages and later he stop replying I know it will just upset me (cuz it happened the last time).

Actually I thoughy we can be casual, like what I thought he wants, broke uo but stay in touch, but he seems like playing push and pull on me, because when he broke up with me I told him I want to cut-off our communication but he said he wants to keep it and when I finally agreed, he doesn't contact me well. I don't know if he is just waiting for me to start the conversation or what...

It might sound so weak and embarrassing but, I don't know how to handle thus situation in a cool way... I feel like I am crazy because I don't want to answer his messages but I get crazy waiting if he will text me again even if I ignored his last message...

You get crazy because part of you wants to ignore his messages (protect yourself from hurt or feel in control) and another part wants contact and reassurance... so you're waiting and watching to see if he'll message you.

He has some of the same feelings - he probably wants both space to figure himself out AND to connect to you, have you near, know what's going on, check in.. (hence the push pull)...

You CAN say, "I just need a little time to focus on me" and so you can both figure things out.

If you do keep the friendship - you're going to have to turn over a new leaf -- being strong and not depending on him (whether he answers, how fast he answers, etc.) is one leaf you'll need to turn! That way he can see your strong side. Stop playing games by ignoring him and hoping he'll wake up and like you more. Interact with this guy if you care about him -- or just ask for some space and time to move on!

Don't worry - there's no "cool" way --- just take it day by day :)

You get crazy because part of you wants to ignore his messages (protect yourself from hurt or feel in control) and another part wants contact and reassurance.... so you're waiting and watching to see if he'll message you.

He has some of the same feelings - he probably wants both space to figure himself out AND to connect to you, have you near, know what's going on, check in.. (hence the push pull) ....

you CAN say, "I just need a little time to focus on me" and so you can both figure things out.

If you do keep the friendship - you're going to have to turn over a new leaf -- being strong and not depending on him (whether he answers, how fast he answers, etc.) is one leaf you'll need to turn! that way he can see your strong side. Stop playing games by ignoring him and hoping he'll wake up and like you more. Interact with this guy if you care about him -- or just ask for some space and time to move on!

Don't worry - there's no "cool" way --- just take it day by day :)

I remember myself thinking why is it so hard to be strong, at one point you feel so strong thinking you can survive well without him and the other day you just suddenly feel so weak, almost giving up...

You know what, I asked him the last time what he meant by "just for now" and if he just really wants friendship and we really can't be "us" anymore but he still gave me d same answer. "it can be forever or it can be just now.. we dont know"..
So it's hard for me to turn my back and go away because I feel like there's still sonething between us.. thou I also think that maybe it's just his "break up line"..

Anyway, really thanks a lot! Your responses made me feel positive :) I hope things will get better.♥

Just remember the common theme in all the responses to all the threads --- is:

For you to feel better, for you to grow stronger, working on your feelings about yourself and your NEEDS (making him responsible for your feelings, whether you're happy or sad) Will TOTALLY help this situation! If you're not coming from "need" you won't swing between avoiding and crazy clinging attachment. You'll feel strong about yourself because YOU are responsible for your feelings and changing you :)

Focus on you: that means -- think about what you are thinking about 24/7 -- is it him? Is that really loving to yourself? Keeping yourself stuck and defining yourself by whether this guy likes/loves you? No that won't do. For your relationships to get better, your relationship to yourself needs some improving. Allowing yourself to turn your attention to what immediately needs your energy and what you need in order to be happy and healthy is a priority. Choose to be happy for YOU... not to get him back. Do other things, things, you like, encourage yourself to live and not wait around.

Good luck ! Take each day one tiny bite at a time.

Just remember the common theme in all the responses to all the threads --- is:

For you to feel better, for you to grow stronger, working on your feelings about yourself and your NEEDS (making him responsible for your feelings, whether you're happy or sad) Will TOTALLY help this situation! If you're not coming from "need" you won't swing between avoiding and crazy clinging attachment. You'll feel strong about yourself because YOU are responsible for your feelings and changing you :)

Focus on you: that means -- think about what you are thinking about 24/7 -- is it him? Is that really loving to yourself? Keeping yourself stuck and defining yourself by whether this guy likes/loves you? No that won't do. For your relationships to get better, your relationship to yourself needs some improving. Allowing yourself to turn your attention to what immediately needs your energy and what you need in order to be happy and healthy is a priority. Choose to be happy for YOU ... not to get him back. Do other things, things, you like, encourage yourself to live and not wait around.

Good luck ! Take each day one tiny bite at a time.

Hi whillwhispher.. I just want to share to you.. today we've talked. And he told me that we can never fix our relationship anymore and he just want to be frens. He said he wants me to let him go from my heart. That he doesn't think and miss me anymore.. I guess it's more than enough to accept it's over. Ill start picking up the pieces. Thank you so much

Then leave him alone until he is gone from your heart. That may take a while, and then a real friendship can have a chance and not a fake one that hurts you both, and prevents healing, and getting beyond the old feelings.

Then leave him alone until he is gone from your heart. That may take a while, and then a real friendship can have a chance and not a fake one that hurts you both, and prevents healing, and getting beyond the old feelings.

yeah I guess you are right. I need to take time to heal. I'll remember your advices. Thank you so much^^