marah22elim
Dec 20, 2011, 07:06 PM
Moved to its own thread, and edited/T
I'm in tears as I share this about my two year marriage. I am very well educated, attractive and rather popular in my circle of friends. However, I have a lot of baggage stemming from my parent's divorce, as well as personal setbacks that I experienced over the years. I have been blessed with a 11 month old son, who is such a sweet and beautiful kid. Yet, through it all, there's this nagging hole of emptiness in my life. I have tried to fill it with religion, friends, material things, etc... but lately, I have been expressing all of my insecurities by obsessing over my husband's ex fiancé.
I am 30 and my husband is 43. I'm obsessed with the idea of his past. It doesn't help that his ex fiancé lives just miles down the road from us. It is all the more disturbing to watch my husband's good friend still being best friends with his ex fiancé. What is worse is that, my sister in law (husband's sister) is also really close friends with his ex fiancé. I stalk their activity on Facebook, and it bothers the crap out of me when I see my sister in law "liking" or "commenting" on his ex fiance's pictures on Facebook.
As a result of all this, I have a really torn relationship with his family, including his parents and his sister. This adds on to even more pain and frustration. I have asked myself all the same questions, and I have probably convinced myself that he loved her more and found her more attractive and what they had in their relationship was the real deal. Not to make excuses, but I do think what triggered all of this and made it even more concrete for me was finding my husband holding on to her phone number, along with her mother's phone number.
When my husband and I first started living together prior to being married, he received a call out of the blue from his ex fiance's mother. That sparked the first official fight between us, almost becoming physical. Just a month into our married life, he got a phone call around 2:30 am in the early morning from his ex fiance's mother as well. Of course, I've been in relationships before my husband. To add to all of my insecurities, when I confronted my husband about whether he will drop everything he is doing to aid his ex fiancé or her mother if he were to get a call asking for his help, without any hesitation, he said that he will do just that for it's the human thing to do. He furthermore justified it by saying that they haven't done him anything wrong. Do keep in mind though that his claim all along has been that the reason their relationship didn't leap into marriage was because she cheated on him.
I'm more of the mindset that you should leave the past in the past, which means no contact whatsoever with those in the past. Even when I was 7 months pregnant, I found my husband holding on to his ex girlfriends' phone numbers and contact information. Even when I let him move in with me during our dating period while he had no job or an education, he chose to bring pictures of his ex girlfriends into the house. All of this has been really bothersome. I have been through therapy, and have taken medication after medication. Due to all the emotional trauma, I even had two failed suicidal attempts resulting in hospitalization in a mental unit on two separate occasions.
I am a mother and I'm trying my best not to repeat any of that nonsense. For someone who believes that past should be past, I do not understand why I am having a hard time keeping his past in the past. It doesn't help that it's been over 2 years of marriage and we still haven't taken a trip together anywhere. When I think about the fact that he went to Vegas and Bermuda with his ex fiancé years ago, it makes me cringe and I am resistant to even plan a trip with him anywhere. All in all, I'm so perplexed and super depressed. The "Shut up... Get over it" dialog goes through my head a thousand times a day, but it still doesn't stop me from googling his ex fiancé, or looking up her Facebook business page, or monitoring what my sister in law is doing in terms of liking or commenting on her pictures...
This really is crazy, and I never thought that I would be so insecure. Please help!
I'm in tears as I share this about my two year marriage. I am very well educated, attractive and rather popular in my circle of friends. However, I have a lot of baggage stemming from my parent's divorce, as well as personal setbacks that I experienced over the years. I have been blessed with a 11 month old son, who is such a sweet and beautiful kid. Yet, through it all, there's this nagging hole of emptiness in my life. I have tried to fill it with religion, friends, material things, etc... but lately, I have been expressing all of my insecurities by obsessing over my husband's ex fiancé.
I am 30 and my husband is 43. I'm obsessed with the idea of his past. It doesn't help that his ex fiancé lives just miles down the road from us. It is all the more disturbing to watch my husband's good friend still being best friends with his ex fiancé. What is worse is that, my sister in law (husband's sister) is also really close friends with his ex fiancé. I stalk their activity on Facebook, and it bothers the crap out of me when I see my sister in law "liking" or "commenting" on his ex fiance's pictures on Facebook.
As a result of all this, I have a really torn relationship with his family, including his parents and his sister. This adds on to even more pain and frustration. I have asked myself all the same questions, and I have probably convinced myself that he loved her more and found her more attractive and what they had in their relationship was the real deal. Not to make excuses, but I do think what triggered all of this and made it even more concrete for me was finding my husband holding on to her phone number, along with her mother's phone number.
When my husband and I first started living together prior to being married, he received a call out of the blue from his ex fiance's mother. That sparked the first official fight between us, almost becoming physical. Just a month into our married life, he got a phone call around 2:30 am in the early morning from his ex fiance's mother as well. Of course, I've been in relationships before my husband. To add to all of my insecurities, when I confronted my husband about whether he will drop everything he is doing to aid his ex fiancé or her mother if he were to get a call asking for his help, without any hesitation, he said that he will do just that for it's the human thing to do. He furthermore justified it by saying that they haven't done him anything wrong. Do keep in mind though that his claim all along has been that the reason their relationship didn't leap into marriage was because she cheated on him.
I'm more of the mindset that you should leave the past in the past, which means no contact whatsoever with those in the past. Even when I was 7 months pregnant, I found my husband holding on to his ex girlfriends' phone numbers and contact information. Even when I let him move in with me during our dating period while he had no job or an education, he chose to bring pictures of his ex girlfriends into the house. All of this has been really bothersome. I have been through therapy, and have taken medication after medication. Due to all the emotional trauma, I even had two failed suicidal attempts resulting in hospitalization in a mental unit on two separate occasions.
I am a mother and I'm trying my best not to repeat any of that nonsense. For someone who believes that past should be past, I do not understand why I am having a hard time keeping his past in the past. It doesn't help that it's been over 2 years of marriage and we still haven't taken a trip together anywhere. When I think about the fact that he went to Vegas and Bermuda with his ex fiancé years ago, it makes me cringe and I am resistant to even plan a trip with him anywhere. All in all, I'm so perplexed and super depressed. The "Shut up... Get over it" dialog goes through my head a thousand times a day, but it still doesn't stop me from googling his ex fiancé, or looking up her Facebook business page, or monitoring what my sister in law is doing in terms of liking or commenting on her pictures...
This really is crazy, and I never thought that I would be so insecure. Please help!