Okay guys I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half now we agreed to get engaged and though about the future , we had our ups and downs of course , we had fun and we had fights . When she was young her parents divorced and her dad used to cheat on her mom etc... So we had a small stupid fight and because of this fight she told me that she is not a relationship person because of her parents and she needs some time to fix this (she said she becomes angry at me for no reason because of her parents) and that she still loves me and she will be back she just needs time to fix this anger thing inside of her ( she is doing psychology so she is seeing a psychiatrist if it changes anything ), so its just a time off for her to fix this problem with her and she'll move back in (she didn't take all her stuff ) any help please ? I really love my girl and I don't want to lose her so please help me ! Thanks!

What if it takes years to fix her issues? Do you still talk? You know often when they say they will be back, they change and do other things and you end up waiting in limbo.

Its always a red flag in a relationship when one partner doesn't want to be committed to the other because of "issues". Its usually a nice way to dump someone, and leave the door open just in case.

For now guy, I think you do your own thing, and let her have time, and space to deal with her issues, as nobody can predict the motives or actions of another human. Heck nobody can really predict their own actions half the time.

So be happy with your own thing and hope it works out, but plan for the worst. Then it won't be such a shock when a confused young girls has "ISSUES".

Everybody hates losing a love, or getting dumped, it sucks, but happens.

Thanks so much for your answer but she said she just needs 2 weeks tops so she can close the subject of her parents with her psychologist and just relax a bit because I experienced it and its so hard to talk to your psy concerning parental stuff and I understand her , oh and she told me she would be mad at me if I don't send her text messages and see her sometimes :o , so what should I do ? Thank you so much for your help I appreciate it

I doubt two weeks is enough to solve anything, but give her what she asks for and see what happens. You will know in two weeks won't you? Who needs to break a commitment for that?

But I have learned after many times that you get very specific, and make sure what they mean when they ask you for space/breaks, and retract their commitments to you. Once they do that, they you are not committed either, and it doesn't matter if they are mad when you no longer give them the same dedicated attention as before. Sounds cold, but no colder than being put in the friend zone, is it?

Since you never questioned things to get important details, you have no clue what she is will do, or intends to do. What if after all this she still doesn't want to be a g/f, JUST a friend??

So in two weeks everything will be hunky-dory?

Well in two weeks she wouldve cooled down but of course two weeks is not going to solve her problem till the end and she told me that and told me at least she wouldve cooled down and come back home to me and do the effort and work on her problem with me ! From what I know her and the things we've been through one time her mom got sick and she slept at her place for 1 week and before she left we had a small fight and curses and stuff so her sister told me that she was always crying and missing me and telling her mom since the second day that she can't stay at her place because she can't stand not to be or see me but her mom told her to stick around for her because her sister is young plus not living together for a couple of days is also good because everyone needs that so she agreed but she was in pain and she wanted to come plus , plus a few hours ago she said she hated going to her mom she misses my place at least she feels comfortable here but the problem is that she wants to stick to the break thing but it sounded that she already can't stand being away from me

She doesn't trust you to be able to deal with her and her issues?

The thing is that her issues she only discusses them with her PSY and she can't tell me (thats the rules in psychology ) but she know that I can deal with her and we both changed for each other and it turned out to be a good thing for both of us , but god I would like to send a message to her mom and dad and tells them that because of them their daughter's not being able to have a normal relationship !

Who said those are the rules? I've always told my clients they can talk all they want, but I don't talk and reveal confidentialities.

Yeah well apparently she can't say to anyone about her problems with her PSY not even to her mom , and even when I ask her to tell me what's happening sometimes she tells me but when she comes out crying she wouldn't because she would be so hurt so I ask her if its because of smthg about your father and she would say yes , and I don't ask her again because I don't want her to feel bad again later .

So it's HER rule not to talk, not the psy's rule.

Yeah I guess so , although she talks to me about what went at the psy's and I give her advices and stuff !

Well, stop with the advice. You aren't doing her any service. Just let her vent. Makes little empathy noises and hold her, hug her, but NO advice.

Yeah I know , and I'm going to send her text messages as she asked me to , I'm going to give her space and everything let her clear her mind for 3-4 days and then I'm going to ask her where she stands in what happened

No, don't even ask her that.

That's pretty selfish, and insecure in my view. Why burden her with YOUR feelings when she is having such a problem dealing with her own.

If you are going to hang around, be the rock of support, not the scared kid, who doesn't want his love to leave. Have some confidence, and stop with the advice, that's why she is seeing a shrink.

Okay guys some had happened in the past two days and I thought to tell you , 2 days ago I got a new haircut and went shopping new clothes and everything and out of nowhere she calls me and tells me she wants to have lunch with me so I told her where to meet and she was there with a smile on her face and told I was cute and beautiful and stuff like that , yesterday she called me after me also going shopping and said lets meet to have lunch and then we go study so I told her I have no problem because I want to study too so we went and she kissed me and I acted as if I don't care that she moved out or anything and was happy and joked around with everyone and acted as if nothing happened , at night I asked her listen I need to know if this going someplace or not because I want to know what to do , so she answered "when i left i didnt say I'm not coming back , all i wanted was just some time " and meanwhile I was talking to her sister and she was telling me that she told her parents she went there just to relax for a week or so so her sister told me that she is definitely sure that she will be back in a week (but I never believe anything unless it happens so :P), today also called me to go study and told her I'm at Starbucks and if you want to join I'm here so she came also with a smile and she studied and everything and all the time telling me "boo" and "love " and words like that and we I came back home she sent a message telling me that she's almost done with her project and that she misses me and stuff like that and on Facebook she keeps telling me love and you are my life and I love you and hearts and stuff like that , so guys what do you think :) (sorry if I wrote too much :( )

Some new things *

I'm like you, I wouldn't believe anything until it happened. What she do get some new meds?

Actually I think she needed some time away since we both live together that way we won't get bored with each other and fyi she doesn't take any meds

she is doing psychology so she is seeing a psychiatrist if it changes anything )

This was the reason for the question about the meds.

Ohhhhhhh I'm sorry maybe I explained it wrong , she is studying psychology so in order to because a PSY its required that she finishes her therapy , its not a choice that she is going to a psy , but it's a must in order to become one :)

Got it! I would go slow and pay attention closely, and as hell make sure she was into this as you are. Or maybe you are insecure, needy, and afraid??

Hahahah :p to be honest I am not I just love her so much , and I am going really slow I'm not even calling she is calling me and telling me she misses me and stuff and when she says this kind of stuff I am replying the same !

And she just asked me if I want to go with her to party because its her girlfriend's birthday :)

We'll be watching you at the party with our webcam. :eek:

Thank you guys for your support I really appreciate it at least you were here for me when I needed someone , anyway we went to the party and I danced like crazy and before we went we talked and we were happy and at the party we shared brief small kisses we danced a little but I didn't show her that I was hurt I was happy and having fun and dancing alone with some friends and acting like gays :P :P and then I saw her kind of disturbed so asked her what's wrong she replied " ure not the same smthg's changed " and she said in a way like why are you having fun aren't u supposed to be miserable because I'm not sleeping at your house and I told you that I need some time alone ? Maybe I missinterrupted her but I got this after she told me my friends are why I'm like this (bcz there was some friends she didn't like ) its u , so maybe she meant because I was acting weird but I interruped it like why are you having fun aren't u supposed to be sad ?

You were happy because you were breathing the same air she was.

Yeah well I guess I was but I wasn't afraid to show it to her and once I did she reacted like this , so what's that supposed to mean ?

It almost sounds like she isn't happy unless she knows you are miserable.

Yeah and once she figures she can't make me miserable she will come back which it won't take her long since I'm showing her everyday that I am happy

You have this figured out, don't you!

Hahahahaha well you know I kind of figured that out because of you and your help!

I'm not thaaaatttt expert in relationship stuff (what man is :P) and since you are a girl that meant a lot to me to get ideas and help from you ! So thanks I really appreciate it

But was I right with what I said before concerning showing her that I'm happy and she'll be back sooner than I thought ? :$

She's probably very curious and will want to find out for herself. If she thinks she's being played, she won't stick around.

Good , because I'm not playing her I'm just showing her that I'm okay and I can wait for her if she wants to take a month because I never opened this subject again but we know and I'm saying honestly I miss her like hell but I'm going to stay with the same attitude even for a little while when she comes back