aa1454
Feb 13, 2011, 09:02 PM
So I have been dating him for about 2.5 years. He has never been that into sex. Over the past few months/ years our sex life and passionate time together has come to a screeching halt. When we are in bed at night, I try to passionately kiss him and run my fingers through his hair or rub his back, and he always just pecks me and says goodnight hun I love you. Sometimes I will even get on top of him and lay on him and he pushes me off. Now I am being honest, I am not ugly or fat or anything… as in like he isn't disgusted by me physically. I just cannot figure out why this is happening. When we do have sex, its very quick, or dryly too long, when its only from behind, or just spooning where there is almost no passionate kissing or anything. I feel almost like I am being used. I am not saying that orgasm is the most important aspect of sex, in fact I have looked past that for the past 2.5 years, but I'm saying I wish there was some drive, or passion in the act.
Recently it has gotten better. I don't get denied nearly as often… granted I now have stopped initiating and feel quite deflated ego wise. He refused to have sex though more than once a day.. and if I do initiate it (if I get up the courage to now) he always says “hun we already had sex today”. It hurts so badly because making love is supposed to be about the joining of two people in a way of fully expressing love and intimacy physically and not through words. If you want the person why would you not want to be with the person. This happens all the time, because I see nothing wrong in wanting to be passionate in the middle of the day and then at night as well… what does it hurt?
But a month ago I talked to him. I told him that its not about orgasm or climax. It's the fact that I feel so unwanted and so used and that there is no passion or love coming together when we make love. I told him that I feel horrible using this example but, I have felt more passion and intimacy from one night stands. (I promise there are not a lot). He was very upset about this and says that we just are not good sexually together and that he does not mean to make me feel like this. My concern is that even actors know how to fake passion and fake intimacy… why wouldn't he act passionate or intimate if he feels it towards me… its not like he doesn't know how, it's a natural thing.
I feel like I'm kissing someone who is constantly pulling away from me, who is becoming air, and who is doing this only to pass time. When we do have sex, he pulls me on top and just lays there, I feel like the man, almost like it's a chore. It hurts because I am so incredibly in love with him and want him so so badly, yet I have never felt that back from him, even though I know he feels that way. He even told me that “babe you know how I feel towards you” but I told him I need to feel it. I feel extremely selfish even saying this because the last thing I want is a pitty party, but it hurts to have the man who you love the most in the world not want you to feel that back. Its been 2.5 years since I have felt sexually wanted or anyone passionate towards me, and it hurts so so badly. I have overlooked my own needs because I love him so much, and I do everything for him and am there for him… yet he isn't ever passionate and barely ever initiates something. I can't go to bed another night laying next to the man I love and feeling so sad because I never FEEL it back. I need someone who wants to SHOW me how much they love me, and someone who wants to kiss me so deeply and never let me go… and someone who will make love to me and not just bang me to get it over with. But I'm so in love with him…. And he thinks that he is being passionate. … What do I do?
Recently it has gotten better. I don't get denied nearly as often… granted I now have stopped initiating and feel quite deflated ego wise. He refused to have sex though more than once a day.. and if I do initiate it (if I get up the courage to now) he always says “hun we already had sex today”. It hurts so badly because making love is supposed to be about the joining of two people in a way of fully expressing love and intimacy physically and not through words. If you want the person why would you not want to be with the person. This happens all the time, because I see nothing wrong in wanting to be passionate in the middle of the day and then at night as well… what does it hurt?
But a month ago I talked to him. I told him that its not about orgasm or climax. It's the fact that I feel so unwanted and so used and that there is no passion or love coming together when we make love. I told him that I feel horrible using this example but, I have felt more passion and intimacy from one night stands. (I promise there are not a lot). He was very upset about this and says that we just are not good sexually together and that he does not mean to make me feel like this. My concern is that even actors know how to fake passion and fake intimacy… why wouldn't he act passionate or intimate if he feels it towards me… its not like he doesn't know how, it's a natural thing.
I feel like I'm kissing someone who is constantly pulling away from me, who is becoming air, and who is doing this only to pass time. When we do have sex, he pulls me on top and just lays there, I feel like the man, almost like it's a chore. It hurts because I am so incredibly in love with him and want him so so badly, yet I have never felt that back from him, even though I know he feels that way. He even told me that “babe you know how I feel towards you” but I told him I need to feel it. I feel extremely selfish even saying this because the last thing I want is a pitty party, but it hurts to have the man who you love the most in the world not want you to feel that back. Its been 2.5 years since I have felt sexually wanted or anyone passionate towards me, and it hurts so so badly. I have overlooked my own needs because I love him so much, and I do everything for him and am there for him… yet he isn't ever passionate and barely ever initiates something. I can't go to bed another night laying next to the man I love and feeling so sad because I never FEEL it back. I need someone who wants to SHOW me how much they love me, and someone who wants to kiss me so deeply and never let me go… and someone who will make love to me and not just bang me to get it over with. But I'm so in love with him…. And he thinks that he is being passionate. … What do I do?