I am curious, because I am soon to be going through a divorce in San Antonio, TX. What the chances are of a father getting primary custody?

It depends on the facts of the case as nothing is automatic. But there is the perception of prejuduce by the courts and its usually much harder for fathers to get primary custody then it is for the mothers of the child/children.

And if I were to file first, and with copies of a lot of the things they have said or sent each other while we were married?
And if I file, can I shoot for primary custody, and If I don't get it at least have joint 50/50?

Hi,
I am a father of a beautiful 3 month only boy, his name is Conor.
The wife had started an emotional relationship with another man about two months ago, that has led to the end of our marriage.
I am now worried about the child being with her. As she has made statements like "i want to kill myself, but i can't be away from conor so i would kill him too, so we could be together forever"
And the man she is continuing a relationship with, has told her before that "if i can't have you i am going to kill myself, or kill you"

I have recently gotten a recording of her admitting she said the suicide comment. (as she had been trying to tell people that I was lieing)
She has since refused allowing me to see my son, unless I give her an iPhone. (we had bought two phones, one each, last year) I have said in email that I am willing to pay for it, and she said that's not good enough.

Her mom at one point was on my side, and believed that something is wrong with her, and she isn't acting like her self etc etc. (but I believe she has since changed her mind for fear of losing her daughter, regardless if she is wrong/mentally unstable at the moment)

I have recorded all our phone conversations, and saved all emails.

Also we are in Texas. I want to try and get as equal of custody as is possible.

hi,
I am a father of a beautiful 3 month only boy, his name is Conor.
The wife had started an emotional relationship with another man about two months ago, that has led to the end of our marraige.
I am now worried about the child being with her. As she has made statements like "i want to kill myself, but i can't be away from conor so i would kill him too, so we could be together forever"
And the man she is continuing a relationship with, has told her before that "if i can't have you i am going to kill myself, or kill you"

I have recently gotten a recording of her admitting she said the suicide comment. (as she had been trying to tell people that i was lieing)
She has since refused allowing me to see my son, unless I give her an iphone. (we had bought two phones, one each, last year) I have said in email that I am willing to pay for it, and she said thats not good enough.

Her mom at one point was on my side, and believed that something is wrong with her, and she isnt acting like her self etc etc. (but I believe she has since changed her mind for fear of losing her daughter, regardless if she is wrong/mentally unstable at the moment)

I have recorded all our phone conversations, and saved all emails.

Also we are in texas. I want to try and get as equal of custody as is possible.

File for custody immediately. If she is threatening not only suicide but also the murder of your child, you need to protect your child.

If you can afford an attorney, I'd get one. I can already tell you this is going to get nasty.

As far as the recording goes, this is Texas law regarding that:
"Can We Tape?" (http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states/texas.html)
As long as she was speaking to YOU while she made these comments, I don't see any harm. Actually getting a judge to allow them as evidence will be another matter, which is another reason I strongly suggest an attorney.

Additionally, I just caught your earlier thread about the same topic. Please don't start new threads regarding the same thing; you could have easily explained in your original thread that your wife is threatening herself and your child.

I have gotten an attorny and filed the divorce/custody paperwork.
I have only recorded or saved conversations between us. With her looking directly at me or responding to me.
But I do not have anything from her admitting the stuff she told me about this other guy. I am hoping she will continue to lie about these few comments I do have, so the court will see her as a liar.
Like I said, even her mom agreed there is something wrong with her.
I just wish I knew what my chances were. I am scared for my son. I am scared if her new relationship goes bad, which it has in the past, she will become self destructive, or her guy friend will.


Also, I apologize about creating two separate threads. My computer at work does not let this website load fully, so it is hard enough to post anything at all. Again I apologize.

I have gotten an attorny and filed the divorce/custody paperwork.
I have only recorded or saved conversations between us. with her looking directly at me or responding to me.
but i do not have anything from her admitting the stuff she told me about this other guy. I am hoping she will continue to lie about these few comments I do have, so the court will see her as a liar.
Like I said, even her mom agreed there is something wrong with her.
I just wish I knew what my chances were. I am scared for my son. I am scared if her new relationship goes bad, which it has in the past, she will become self destructive, or her guy friend will.

The court is going to care less about the new guy and more about who you and/or your wife are as parents. The new guy is temporary; the two of you are not - you're the parents.

Unfortunately, no one can tell you what your chances are or aren't. An attorney is your best bet because s/he is familiar with these types of things and will know how to best address the situation.

Have you discussed your concerns with your attorney regarding your son's safety? What do they have to say about it?

He is trying to set it up so I have emergency visitation rights, as I am not allowed to see conor at the moment because I won't do what she wants.

The new guys long term isn't what worries me. It's the short term. It's if and when they blow up or fall apart that worries me. Because I feel one or the other or both of them will become self destructive, if not just generally destructive.

I have let him know about my concerns, he didn't seem overly worried about it.

He is trying to set it up so I have emergency visitation rights, as I am not alowed to see conor at the moment because I wont do what she wants.

The new guys long term isnt what worries me. It's the short term. it's if and when they blow up or fall apart that worries me. Becuase I feel one or the other or both of them will become self destructive, if not just generally destructive.

I have let him know about my concerns, he didn't seem overly worried about it.

I'm sure it's nerve-wracking; it's never easy to feel like your child is unsafe and you can't do much about it.

Sounds like your attorney is doing their job. If neither of them have a history of violence or self-harm, try to calm down a bit. Both of them sound dramatic, like they say things just to get attention.

Very nerve wracking.
And I really hope everything turns out OK. She does have a history of self destructive behavior. Like drug use, random sex etc. And even recently has made statements about using perscription drugs if she could get some. Like xanax and adderol. (which she thinks you need to take 4-6 pills at once to enjoy)

So I am praying and hoping that its just attention her and the other guy want.

Very nerve wracking.
And I really hope everything turns out ok. She does have a history of self destructive behavior. Like drug use, random sex etc. And even recently has made statements about using perscription drugs if she could get some. like xanax and adderol. (which she thinks you need to take 4-6 pills at once to enjoy)

So I am praying and hoping that its just attention her and the other guy want.

Was she exhibiting this behavior prior to the pregnancy/marriage? The reason I ask is that the courts will likely view it the same way - if you didn't have a problem with it before, why is it an issue now? Personally, I understand where you're coming from - but the courts try to make as level as a playing field as they can. And I hate to say it, but I also agree with the earlier statement - moms tend to have it slightly "easier" for reasons even I, as a woman, don't understand.

She was doing all this prior to pregnancy and marriage. And she stopped because I told her I wouldn't be with her if she was like that. (her previous relationship was with this new guy)

That is what scares me is how the courts favor the mother. I love my son, and every day away is killing me.

She was doing all this prior to pregnancy and marraige. And she stopped because I told her I wouldn't be with her if she was like that. (her previous relationship was with this new guy)

That is what scares me is how the courts favor the mother. I love my son, and every day away is killing me.

Well, don't give up total hope yet. My husband managed to get primary physical custody after his exwife had it for nearly four years - she screwed up, the courts recognized it and the order was changed.

I feel so helpless. But I will keep hoping. There is little else I can do at the moment.
Thank you

Delow84... are these comments regarding hurting the baby something you are very concerned about? It may be they are just making the comments for attention, but when it comes to the welfare of your child, is it worth the risk?

You may want to contact DFPS (department of family protective services) and have a chat. I am surprised that your lawyer did not suggest it, or perhaps you did talk about it and they felt it was not necessary?

Threats, in conjunction with her other behaviours, should not be dismissed without investigation.

If nothing else, call your lawyer and discuss it if you haven't already. See what their take is on it. Then decide if further reporting is necessary.

I am concerned. Knowing how she as been before, how she has always been a depressed person. Even when she is happy, she hates her family, self and life in general.
When I was there I offered counseling, etc and she only wanted to see a psych to be perscribed pills.
Me and my family have talked to cps, but I do not think that is going to work. Right now she has her grandparents who she is living with supporting her, and feeding her back her own lies. And also this other guy who has always been in her life during the worst things she has done.

I will be calling my lawyer back as soon as I can. But as of this moment... I have done all I can.

I am concerned. Knowing how she as been before, how she has always been a depressed person. Even when she is happy, she hates her family, self and life in general.
When I was there I offered counseling, etc and she only wanted to see a psych to be perscribed pills.
Me and my family have talked to cps, but I do not think that is going to work. Right now she has her grandparents who she is living with supporting her, and feeding her back her own lies. And also this other guy who has always been in her life during the worst things she has done.

I will be calling my lawyer back as soon as I can. But as of this moment... I have done all I can.

That's the best you can do. And my personal feelings are that CPS doesn't do half the work they should - I know someone whose apartment was raided by the police who found a BUNCH of drugs all over the place; they then contacted CPS because she had a 6-year-old. You know what CPS did with the case? Nothing. Her parents went to court and did end up receiving guardianship of the child but CPS did absolutely nothing.

So yes, write everything down - dates, times, events, statements, etc. Make sure you run everything past your lawyer and allow them to deal with it. That's the best you can do at this point.

You I have been saving/recording our conversations, whether they are on phone or through email.
If I am ever around her, I plan to keep my phone recording. The last time I was there the grandfather started screaming at me because baby was crying (needed to burp)

So I have been trying to keep track of everything. To be honest, from 12/1/10 to feb1st... its all a blur, I had to sit down and write it all out just to remember the exact dates.
Her mental change, and the change in our relationship all happened very fast.

Just an update on the situation. I have found an old gmail conversation she had with another guy (less then a year and a half ago) of her talking about smoking weed everyday, doing shrooms, and ectasy(sp?). She has also told me she use to do cocaine, and would over medicate on perscription drugs.
She still believes drugs are OK, and has told me she wouldn't care if she caught our son doing them. I have emails of her demanding I give her money, or my phone, or I can't see my son. The marriage counselor we had gone to (and didn't go again because she didn't want to, she wanted to see a psychiatrist because they perscribe meds) well he has since made it known he is willing to break confidence because he felt very concerned by some of the things she had said. She has told me in the last few months, that she has been hallucinating, having delusions (mostly of her head floating above her body etc) this coupled with the suicide comment scares me.

I have legitimate concerns about her ability to care for our son in the long term. She is living with her grandparents at the moment, who are very controlling and even her mother(my soon to be ex wife's mother) has said that she does not want them having anything to do with taking care of our son.
She has no job, as far as I know, and is generally a very trashy person. She will wear the same clothes for a week straight. She will blow her money on self indulgent items. And refuse me getting anything for our son.
I have conversations with her, with her telling me that her whole family thinks she is crazy and needs to see a psychiatrist. And her saying that maybe she does etc.
She has now resorted to lies to keep me from seeing my son, or being able to take him over night.
1) my parents smoke around the baby. Which is not now, or ever true.
2) if the above is dispelled, then my friends will do drugs around him. Which again is not true, and I have told the 2 friends I have that might do drugs, if I ever smell it, or feel they are on anything, they will not be allowed over
And 3) she is afraid I'm going to take him, and run. My lawyer thinks that is BS, because if it were true, she wouldn't let me see him at all. (this last week before court I get to see him 2hrs at a neutral place 4 times.) But that was set up by the lawyers.

I believe her lawyer is the reason I have seen my son at all.

Also, her lawyer has only been practicing in Texas for 2 years, mine 26 years. So I am hoping experience helps.

Also I have chats with her, of her describing how her mom abused her (mostly emotionally) and how she has since done the same to me, telling me constantly that she wishes my mother would die, and my friends are all child molestors. (all of my friends are parents, with visitation or custody, and have never had such a complaint) \

Also, I can see her "recent uploads" on photo bucket, and in the last 50 pictures, maybe 10 are of our son, while the rest are of herself(presumably to send to her new bf) and the new boyfriend. Just today there is a naked picture (from chest up without showing nipple)

Sigh... it feels like she is digging a hole, but it just does not feel like that hole is big enough yet.

Just an update on the situation. I have found an old gmail conversation she had with another guy (less then a year and a half ago) of her talking about smoking weed everyday, doing shrooms, and ectasy(sp?). She has also told me she use to do cocaine, and would over medicate on perscription drugs.
Here's the problem with that: I assume she had the conversation on her account, which you have no legal right to access. If you try to use that in court, they're going to ask how you obtained access to it.


She still believes drugs are OK, and has told me she wouldn't care if she caught our son doing them. I have emails of her demanding I give her money, or my phone, or I can't see my son. The marriage counselor we had gone to (and didn't go again because she didn't want to, she wanted to see a psychiatrist because they perscribe meds) well he has since made it known he is willing to break confidence because he felt very concerned by some of the things she had said.
If the law is being broken or there is a valid threat, counselors will break confidence for a court hearing. I'd subpoena him immediately.


I have legitimate concerns about her ability to care for our son in the long term. She is living with her grandparents at the moment, who are very controlling and even her mother(my soon to be ex wife's mother) has said that she does not want them having anything to do with taking care of our son.
She has no job, as far as I know, and is generally a very trashy person. She will wear the same clothes for a week straight. She will blow her money on self indulgent items. And refuse me getting anything for our son.
While this might make her a not-so-nice person, the court will not view this as bad parenting.


I have conversations with her, with her telling me that her whole family thinks she is crazy and needs to see a psychiatrist. And her saying that maybe she does etc.
She has now resorted to lies to keep me from seeing my son, or being able to take him over night.
1) my parents smoke around the baby. Which is not now, or ever true.
2) if the above is dispelled, then my friends will do drugs around him. Which again is not true, and I have told the 2 friends I have that might do drugs, if I ever smell it, or feel they are on anything, they will not be allowed over
And 3) she is afraid I'm going to take him, and run. My lawyer thinks that is BS, because if it were true, she wouldn't let me see him at all. (this last week before court I get to see him 2hrs at a neutral place 4 times.) But that was set up by the lawyers.
Welcome to Family Court! My husband has been accused of being an alcoholic, physically abusive towards the children and I, a deadbeat father, uninvolved with his children, a cheating husband, etc. It doesn't stop.


I believe her lawyer is the reason I have seen my son at all.

Also, her lawyer has only been practicing in Texas for 2 years, mine 26 years. So I am hoping experience helps.
You're probably right about the visitation. Her lawyer is telling her that concealing the child from you is going to hurt her case.

You mentioned he's been practicing in Texas for 2 years - is that how long he's been out of law school, or merely in Texas?


Also I have chats with her, of her describing how her mom abused her (mostly emotionally) and how she has since done the same to me, telling me constantly that she wishes my mother would die, and my friends are all child molestors. (all of my friends are parents, with visitation or custody, and have never had such a complaint) \
Again, this is hearsay. You can't testify to this; her attorney will get it stopped immediately.


also, I can see her "recent uploads" on photo bucket, and in the last 50 pictures, maybe 10 are of our son, while the rest are of herself(presumably to send to her new bf) and the new boyfriend. Just today there is a naked picture (from chest up without showing nipple)
Again - this is her personal life. Her taking a picture of herself doesn't mean she's a bad parent. You're going to need something better than a picture you don't approve of.


sigh... it feels like she is digging a hole, but it just does not feel like that hole is big enough yet.
What does your attorney say to all of this?

OK as for the conversation she had with her friend, yes it was on her account and normally I may not be able to use it. But I also have emails (conversations through gmail between me and her with her giving me permission to go into her email accounts at the time.)
As for the things she has told me being hearsay, they aren't. If I try and use what her mom or ex boyfriend or any other family member has told me, THAT is hearsay or so says my lawyer. I can use anything she has said to me because she and I are apart of the case I guess. I don't remember his terminology. Same thing with the recordings I have of all of our phone conversations, or visits. As long as she is talking to me, or I am apart of the conversation, from what I have read on Texas law, that is OK. My lawyer has not advised against recording, and has said he will listen to the tapes.

My lawyer has/or will be talking to that counselor and will let me know what he thinks after he has.

And from what I read, it looks bad to be "dating" before the divorce is even final. So the pictures, which I am sure can be proven were sent to him would make her look bad. (although not an unfit mother) And the photobucket account is a public domain, I search her user name and the pictures are there, no password guessing, or hacking or anything of the sort. So what I am hoping, since I do believe she will turn back to drugs, is she will post those pictures on there as well.
She has taken xanax, (not her perscription) and drank since we have had our son.
Problem with that is she gave me some of her hydrocodone when I had a horrible toothache and no more tylenol.
So hair folicle test would show that in me.
During our relationship, a friend and I witnessed her drink and take xanax. I had to have him leave and put her to bed because she got so loopy.
I will be requesting a "social study" or what not to interview us and determine who is in the best interest of our son.
And while her general lifestyle is not showing her as a bad mother, I believe were she on her own, it would be a different story. Grandparents are definitely going to try and coach her on the right things to do.

OK as for the conversation she had with her friend, yes it was on her account and normally I may not be able to use it. But I also have emails (conversations through gmail between me and her with her giving me permission to go into her email accounts at the time.)
As for the things she has told me being hearsay, they aren't. If I try and use what her mom or ex boyfriend or any other family member has told me, THAT is hearsay or so says my lawyer. I can use anything she has said to me because she and I are apart of the case I guess. I don't remember his terminology. Same thing with the recordings I have of all of our phone conversations, or visits. As long as she is talking to me, or I am apart of the conversation, from what I have read on Texas law, that is OK. My lawyer has not advised against recording, and has said he will listen to the tapes.
Okay, so you tell the judge she said it - she denies saying it. Now what?


and from what I read, it looks bad to be "dating" before the divorce is even final. So the pictures, which I am sure can be proven were sent to him would make her look bad. (although not an unfit mother) And the photobucket account is a public domain, I search her user name and the pictures are there, no password guessing, or hacking or anything of the sort. So what I am hoping, since I do believe she will turn back to drugs, is she will post those pictures on there as well.
Depends on the judge. One may find it irresponsible/immoral for her to date prior to the divorce being finalized, the next may not give a hoot. Technically, the court is not allowed to take 3rd party relationships into consideration unless there is proof that said relationship could be harmful to the child(ren).


she has taken xanax, (not her perscription) and drank since we have had our son.
Problem with that is she gave me some of her hydrocodone when I had a horrible toothache and no more tylenol.
So hair folicle test would show that in me.
During our relationship, a friend and I witnessed her drink and take xanax. I had to have him leave and put her to bed because she got so loopy.
How long ago did you take the hydrocodone? And yes, that was very foolish of you if you knew this was coming but not much you can do about it now.


I will be requesting a "social study" or what not to interview us and determine who is in the best interest of our son.
And while her general lifestyle is not showing her as a bad mother, I believe were she on her own, it would be a different story. Grandparents are definitely going to try and coach her on the right things to do.
Of course they are; that's what parents do. My husband's ex-inlaws cater to their daughter's every need - both before, during and after their divorce. She's spoiled and irresponsible because of it.

The issue here is that she is NOT on her own. The court is not going to grant custody based on, "Well, IF this changed, then the child would be better with Parent A. Otherwise we'll just leave them with Parent B." That leaves too many options open. They look at long-term.

When it comes to "he said, she said" I have proof in recordings and conversations through text/email to prove most of the things.
When I took the hydrocodone things had not deteriorated THAT much. It was shortly after our baby was born, a week or so. That I took a few.

With the long term, she can't support herself and conor without the grandparents help. But in return the grandparents have and use their control over her. She is 22 but they can take her phone away like if she was a 15 yr old. Take her internet or house phone away.
And her whole family believes, she is no longer talking to this guy, that they all know about and are in agreement about him being a negative influence and her living in a fantasy with him.
If it weren't for the fact I don't want to show all my cards. (like my ability to see her recent uploads)
I would go and throw it in their faces. But the chances of winning her mom back on my side, aren't worth the risk.
I am trying to keep a record of everything hoping it will be of help. She is immature and narcasistic(sp?) all she cares about is herself. She treats our son as a possession, a status symbol "hey im a mom"

Her general outlook on life is its bad, friends are only good for what you get from them, and she wasn't even sure about HAVING our son and bringing him into this "****ty" world. With one abortion, and the suicide comment/hallucinations/delusions. Its all pretty frightening.

OK so a little update.
Had court today, before we had our hearing, her lawyer wanted to negotiate or whatever with mine.
They came back with a crap offer. "no over night, see him on my weekends (rotating schedule at work" blaming my friends doing drugs, my family smoking. (and apparently her lawyer thought it was just a temp visitation hearing, and my lawyer informed her, no it is for custody and I have my witnesses ready)

So I let my lawyer know what I wanted.

Anyway my ex waived her right as primary conservator, and so we are joint. I get him on MY weekends. The first 3 weeks I get him 7am-7pm no overnight, after that it goes to overnight. (she tried to say I had never taken care of conor by myself. Where in truth, I have probably spent more time taking care of him alone then her) She agreed to a Social study, which I do not believe she will come out on top with.

Her own mother has not seen her grandson, and didn't even know she had court this morning. Her grandfather (which was the only person with her was trying to tell the lawyer what to do to the point the lawyer had to put him in his place, as most demands were probably his)

So now we wait for the social study to be completed, then the lawyers begin discovery.
My lawyer let me know that what we got is probably the best case scenario had we gone to court (unless by some miracle I got full custody which isn't likely at this point)
I got to pick my son up at 130. Arrived early, and knocked at 125. She tells me "you still have 5 minutes" and shuts door. She then gives him to me and won't let me step right inside to put him in car seat, makes me do it on her porch. Offers nothing in way of blanket or what not (I had my own though)
When I dropped him off, again I was early. I knocked at 655. I let her know, he will prob be hungry when he wakes up because he fell asleep while I was feeding him and we had to leave. I offered her the bottle since it was already ready. She declined. So he started to wake up and I get him out of car seat, he starts crying because he is hungry. I again offer the bottle, she declines, so I hand him over to her so she can get him fed.
I lean in to give him a kiss goodnight/goodbye and as I do her grandfather slams the door in my face. Barely missing my head but catching some of my arm.
(does this violate a love and caring order?) and does it help to show that living with the grandparents would be innappropriate for my son?

Whew long winded sorry

ok so a little update.
Had court today, before we had our hearing, her lawyer wanted to negotiate or whatever with mine.
They came back with a crap offer. "no over night, see him on my weekends (rotating schedule at work" blaming my friends doing drugs, my family smoking. (and apparently her lawyer thought it was just a temp visitation hearing, and my lawyer informed her, no it is for custody and i have my witnesses ready)

So i let my lawyer know what I wanted.

anyways my ex waived her right as primary conservator, and so we are joint. I get him on MY weekends. The first 3 weeks I get him 7am-7pm no overnight, after that it goes to overnight. (she tried to say I had never taken care of conor by myself. Where in truth, I have probably spent more time taking care of him alone then her) She agreed to a Social study, which I do not believe she will come out on top with.

Her own mother has not seen her grandson, and didnt even know she had court this morning. Her grandfather (which was the only person with her was trying to tell the lawyer what to do to the point the lawyer had to put him in his place, as most demands were probably his)

So now we wait for the social study to be completed, then the lawyers begin discovery.
My lawyer let me know that what we got is probably the best case scenario had we gone to court (unless by some miracle I got full custody which isnt likely at this point)
I got to pick my son up at 130. Arrived early, and knocked at 125. she tells me "you still have 5 minutes" and shuts door. She then gives him to me and wont let me step right inside to put him in car seat, makes me do it on her porch. Offers nothing in way of blanket or what not (i had my own though)
When I dropped him off, again I was early. I knocked at 655. I let her know, he will prob be hungry when he wakes up because he fell asleep while I was feeding him and we had to leave. I offered her the bottle since it was already ready. she declined. So he started to wake up and I get him out of car seat, he starts crying because he is hungry. I again offer the bottle, she declines, so I hand him over to her so she can get him fed.
I lean in to give him a kiss goodnight/goodbye and as I do her grandfather slams the door in my face. barely missing my head but catching some of my arm.
(does this violate a love and caring order?) and does it help to show that living with the grandparents would be innappropriate for my son?

whew long winded sorry

I don't know what you mean by a "love and caring order" - I haven't heard that term in the past.

Is it crappy behavior on their part? Yes. Grounds for anything? No. You can't MAKE them take a bottle; you can't MAKE them let you step inside their house. Next time, kiss your child BEFORE you hand him over - it's stupid, but you have to always think worst case scenario. She's not happy and as a result, she's going to interfere with your relationship with your son just because she can.

The love and caring order states that neither parent can I guess be deragatory to the other parent around our son. And it strongly urges us as parents to not let our families do the same.
So for example if I have our son, I can't sit there talking with a friend "oh his mother is sooo horrible etc etc." or if she is around, talk down to her or be mean or anything. It's so our son won't feel like he is ever caught in the middle of our fight, or ever feels bad about his feelings for either parent.

So I believe the grandfather is violating this and has. I have yet to talk with my lawyer, and have to wait till Monday.

And yes I should have kissed him goodnight before handing him over, but I didn't want to delay him getting a bottle overly long and didn't realize she would grab him and immediately turn away.

Today during morning visit, she made me wait 1 minute until 7am. Because her phone said 659 and mine said 7. I just think its childish on her part. As soon as she handed him over, she shut the door. I had to yell through the door that I had questions to ask real quick, and when she didn't answer I said "do you want your money" because I had the child support payment. She opened door and stuck out her hand.
She told me we don't need to talk about anything and tried to just shut the door again.

So I asked anyway, when his last meal was, when he was changed, and when his next doc app is. (which she has to let me know this stuff, so says the visitation order and us being join conservators I believe)

When I dropped him off, again a few minutes early. She told me my father who drove us there, doesn't have to be out of the car for this. (he was just standing by car, just to be a witness in case gpa did anything else)
So I told her that her gpa doesn't need to slam the door on my arm. (which again I have all communications recorded, including the door being slammed on me.)

Then I left.

I don't think she is thinking about our sons best interest right now, she is being immature. So I worry about what might be being said around our son by her and her grandfather.

Just wanted to mention, wasn't trying to force her to take bottle, or go inside. Just thought I was being helpful and that it was best for our son to be out of wind while I strapped him in and made sure he was fit right.

The love and caring order states that neither parent can i guess be deragatory to the other parent around our son. And it strongly urges us as parents to not let our families do the same.
So for example if I have our son, I can't sit there talking with a friend "oh his mother is sooo horrible etc etc." or if she is around, talk down to her or be mean or anything. It's so our son wont feel like he is ever caught in the middle of our fight, or ever feels bad about his feelings for either parent.

So I believe the grandfather is violating this and has. I have yet to talk with my lawyer, and have to wait till monday.

And yes I shoulda kissed him goodnight before handing him over, but i didnt want to delay him getting a bottle overly long and didnt realize she would grab him and immediately turn away.

Today during morning visit, she made me wait 1 minute until 7am. because her phone said 659 and mine said 7. I just think its childish on her part. as soon as she handed him over, she shut the door. I had to yell through the door that i had questions to ask real quick, and when she didnt answer I said "do you want your money" because I had the child support payment. She opened door and stuck out her hand.
She told me we dont need to talk about anything and tried to just shut the door again.

So I asked anyways, when his last meal was, when he was changed, and when his next doc app is. (which she has to let me know this stuff, so says the visitation order and us being join conservators I believe)

When I dropped him off, again a few minutes early. She told me my father who drove us there, doesnt have to be out of the car for this. (he was just standing by car, just to be a witness in case gpa did anything else)
So I told her that her gpa doesnt need to slam the door on my arm. (which again I have all communications recorded, including the door being slammed on me.)

Then I left.

I dont think she is thinking about our sons best interest right now, she is being immature. So I worry about what might be being said around our son by her and her grandfather.

Welcome to Family Court - this is typical behavior. The order is always the same, both parents should "behave" yet usually at least one doesn't.

My stepkids are almost 11 and 9; their mother has been doing it since she and their father split up six years ago. Her parents and siblings all join in. Our son was convinced last year that we were going to get a divorce - not because my husband and I having issues, but because of what he heard at her house.

So, she ended up taking me back to court accusing me of several things. Taking my son to a bar, returning him to her with untended scratches on his legs. Etc etc. I took him to a non alcoholic restaurant which doesn't allow smoking inside. And took pictures of the scratches 2 hours after picking him up, and they looked old then. (and showed a doctor and some nurses I work with)
She wanted to change the custody agreement after firing her first lawyer. And instead of what we had, I would get 4 hours supervised visitation with my son on the weekend, no overnights.

She lost that court fight. The only thing changed, or rather added, was co parenting classes. Which I had wanted and expected to begin with.

She tried that following week the whole "lets work things out" which failed. I think it was a ploy to get me to submit to not going for full custody.

Now we are at the point where my lawyer is having to file a motion to compel her and her lawyer to get started with the social study because her lawyer has not responded at all to mine. Me and her tried a few times to talk and maybe come to an agreement. But she is adamant on not giving me any more overnights, and she does not want the "no unrelated members of the opposite sex around the child at night" to stay permanent.

She has already gone against the agreement, and my lawyer plans on using that against her, in which she will be held in contempt I guess.

She has also refused me first right of refusal. She goes into work early am, and gets out around 430 now, 2 after her training ends. I don't go into work until 2. So she is refusing letting me watch our son while she is at work or needs a babysitter.

I am wondering if, with all she has done, and what I have on her at the moment. If I have a good chance when we go back to court to get FRoR. I miss my son terribly, and I believe her only reason not to let me see him, is because she is afraid if she agrees to that, that it will make it more likely for the courts final decision to be in my favor.

So, she ended up taking me back to court accusing me of several things. Taking my son to a bar, returning him to her with untended scratches on his legs. Etc etc. I took him to a non alcoholic restaurant which doesn't allow smoking inside. And took pictures of the scratches 2 hours after picking him up, and they looked old then. (and showed a doctor and some nurses I work with)
She wanted to change the custody agreement after firing her first lawyer. And instead of what we had, I would get 4 hours supervised visitation with my son on the weekend, no overnights.

She lost that court fight. The only thing changed, or rather added, was co parenting classes. Which I had wanted and expected to begin with.

As I said, this is normal for Family Court. I'm not the least bit surprised by any of her actions or by the court's decision.


She tried that following week the whole "lets work things out" which failed. I think it was a ploy to get me to submit to not going for full custody.

Probably - vindictive ex's are usually veeeery nice when they want something.


Now we are at the point where my lawyer is having to file a motion to compel her and her lawyer to get started with the social study because her lawyer has not responded at all to mine. Me and her tried a few times to talk and maybe come to an agreement. But she is adamant on not giving me any more overnights, and she does not want the "no unrelated members of the opposite sex around the child at night" to stay permanent.

I'm not following - if the court ordered the social study, then your lawyer doesn't have to compel anyone to do anything. They have to do it, or they're in contempt. Unless the study was an agreement which she's now trying to back out of - which again, wouldn't be uncommon.


She has already gone against the agreement, and my lawyer plans on using that against her, in which she will be held in contempt I guess.

It's only contempt if it was court-ordered and she's refusing to abide by it. If it was an outside agreement, you can't force her to do it.


She has also refused me first right of refusal. She goes into work early am, and gets out around 430 now, 2 after her training ends. I don't go into work until 2. So she is refusing letting me watch our son while she is at work or needs a babysitter.

If she's been given custody at those times, she isn't required to let you have the child during those times - that's her prerogative as the primary custodial parent. Sure, it might be more ideal for the child but if it's not a court order, then she doesn't have to do it.


I am wondering if, with all she has done, and what I have on her at the moment. If I have a good chance when we go back to court to get FRoR. I miss my son terribly, and I believe her only reason not to let me see him, is because she is afraid if she agrees to that, that it will make it more likely for the courts final decision to be in my favor.

I'm slightly confused - what is FRoR?

People have different reasons for the things they do but when it comes to Family Court, it almost always boils down to selfishness on at least one party's part, if not both. The only thing you need to concern yourself with is proving to the court that you are the best place for the child - that you can give him the most stability and most structure. Stop worrying about everything she's saying and doing and stick to the facts - what she's said, what she's done and, most importantly, what you can prove. If you can't prove it, you're essentially wasting the court's time.

None of our agreements are outside the court. Everything is court ordered. So, her having our son around unrelated members of the opposite sex... is against what the court has ordered us to do.
She had also agreed in the beginning court agreement for temp custody during trial to waive primary conservator. So we are both joint with no primary. So while it is her prerogative to do what she wishes during her time, while she is at work with me willing to watch him, would make sense to let me. FRoR is first right of refusal, sorry lol.

And the social study is something they HAVE to do. But thus far have not done anything. My lawyer has repeatedly tried contacting hers, to no avail.
I keep detailed records, recordings, and save all texts/emails from basically the day we met.
I believe whole heartedly that what's best for our son, is to be with me. But this is Texas, so I am fighting an uphill battle.
But receiving the first right to refusal would be a big step. Because then I would be seeing my son everyday, because unless its an emergency, I will not turn down the chance to spend time with him. It would also balance out the amount of time he is with me, as opposed to her.

To me, the most important thing to her is being able to bring bf's around or stay the night etc.

Which I know her dating is an inevitable part of divorce, and does not bother me. It's the bringing people in and out of our sons life like that that I don't like. (and it works both ways, as I cannot have woman around at night, or over night etc) And I am fine with that because I want what's best for him.

I am just hoping I can get the fror, because the social study can take up to 3 months. And we will not get a final decision on custody until after that. So the more time I get to spend with my son the better. As most likely, worst case scenario in the final decision, is they will keep everything however it is/was in the time leading up to court.

And I can prove almost everything I would say or use against her. No hearsay. (and I KNOW the only reason she won't let me have fror is because of my above mentioned reason... saved in a text.)

The only way she said she would do that, is if I were to end the whole custody fight all together.

None of our agreements are outside the court. Everything is court ordered. So, her having our son around unrelated members of the opposite sex... is against what the court has ordered us to do.
She had also agreed in the beginning court agreement for temp custody during trial to waive primary conservator. So we are both joint with no primary. So while it is her prerogative to do what she wishes during her time, while she is at work with me willing to watch him, would make sense to let me. FRoR is first right of refusal, sorry lol.

So there you have it - if she wants to leave him with a sitter on "her" time, she can do that. You cannot force her to surrender the child to you during the time she has been granted placement. Yes, it makes more sense for you to have him... but she doesn't have to do it.


And the social study is something they HAVE to do. But thus far have not done anything. My lawyer has repeatedly tried contacting hers, to no avail.
I keep detailed records, recordings, and save all texts/emails from basically the day we met.
I believe whole heartedly that what's best for our son, is to be with me. But this is Texas, so I am fighting an uphill battle.
But receiving the first right to refusal would be a big step. Because then I would be seeing my son everyday, because unless its an emergency, I will not turn down the chance to spend time with him. It would also balance out the amount of time he is with me, as opposed to her.

So the court ordered the social study? Who was appointed to do the study - a therapist, a guardian ad litem? Who's not doing their job? It sounds like you keep blaming her and her attorney, when they're not the ones in charge of the study.


To me, the most important thing to her is being able to bring bf's around or stay the night etc.

Which I know her dating is an inevitable part of divorce, and does not bother me. It's the bringing people in and out of our sons life like that that I don't like. (and it works both ways, as I cannot have woman around at night, or over night etc) And I am fine with that because I want what's best for him.

You're right, it's not good for the child to be around "partner of the week" but parents do it all the time - nobody's perfect. It doesn't mean your child will grow up to be a degenerate just because his mother dated while he was young.


I am just hoping I can get the fror, because the social study can take up to 3 months. And we will not get a final decision on custody until after that. So the more time I get to spend with my son the better. As most likely, worst case scenario in the final decision, is they will keep everything however it is/was in the time leading up to court.

And I can prove almost everything I would say or use against her. No hearsay. (and I KNOW the only reason she won't let me have fror is because of my above mentioned reason... saved in a text.)

The only way she said she would do that, is if I were to end the whole custody fight all together.

You have saved text messages but is her attorney aware of them? You need to realize that there's a chance they won't be allowed as evidence. I've seen family cases where police reports - which outlined physical abuse, alcoholism, illegal activity, etc - weren't allowed as evidence on the grounds that the guilty(for lack of a better term) party's attorney "couldn't cross-examine a report." So just having something in your possession doesn't mean it's going to make it into the courtroom.

The other downfall is that you have no proof she sent the messages. Yes, they came from her phone - that's not proof that she sent them; she could have lost her phone or one of her friends could have been playing with it.

I'm not trying to dishearten you, I just want you to go into this realistically. It comes down to proof but it also needs to be admissible on the judge's terms.

I am not meaning to blame her specifically. Although I do know she feels the longer this goes on, the more it will hurt me. During our first visit to court, the lawyers did their thing and negotiated etc. we came to the agreement we had, which was then signed by the judge. So she agreed to the social study, and the lawyers had to discuss who they wanted to use. Her lawyer has not returned any phone calls, or letters from mine since. I know at one point when me and her were talking that her lawyer wasn't responding to her. I can only hope its because he realizes that maybe she has the short end of the stick.

And I understand she can do as she wishes on her time. It's just frustrating that I am more then willing to take care of him while she is at work instead of him being left with great grandparents. And honestly feel it would be better for him. She is "willing" to do it, but she won't because I won't drop the rest of the custody issues, and it feels just to hurt me. She has shown a history of using him against me.

And I know conor will be around both guys and girls that we date. As of right now it is in our temp custody agreement that it not be at night. I would like to keep that permanent. We would need to get married to someone for that person to be able to stay the night, or be around at night. I don't want it just to be vindictive towards her, because it works both ways.

During discovery, which won't happen until after social study which can take up to 3 months, her lawyer is welcome to ask for copies of the texts, as I can print them out, and her phone bill could corraborate them. She 'could' try and claim someone else used her phone. But I really doubt she will try that. Most of the texts can be pretty obvious that they were her.

With all the stuff I am gathering on her, I keep my lawyer informed. I am trusting he will tell me not to do something, or to do something else. But thus far the few things I have on her, like her going against custody agreement, in which she doesn't know I know. He sounds optimistic about what I have.

I am not meaning to blame her specifically. Although I do know she feels the longer this goes on, the more it will hurt me. During our first visit to court, the lawyers did their thing and negotiated etc. we came to the agreement we had, which was then signed by the judge. So she agreed to the social study, and the lawyers had to discuss who they wanted to use. Her lawyer has not returned any phone calls, or letters from mine since. I know at one point when me and her were talking that her lawyer wasn't responding to her. I can only hope its because he realizes that maybe she has the short end of the stick.

Or it could be that she hasn't paid him, so he's not doing anymore work for her. Your attorney should be contacting the court about this, not just sending letters to a non-responsive attorney.


And I understand she can do as she wishes on her time. It's just frustrating that I am more then willing to take care of him while she is at work instead of him being left with great grandparents. And honestly feel it would be better for him. She is "willing" to do it, but she won't because I won't drop the rest of the custody issues, and it feels just to hurt me. She has shown a history of using him against me.

Again, Family Court. Not at all out of the ordinary for her to act this way. I could tell you some stories that would leave you scratching your head because some people act with absolutely no logic but the court has deemed it "their" time and they're allowed to do what they want with it.


And I know conor will be around both guys and girls that we date. As of right now it is in our temp custody agreement that it not be at night. I would like to keep that permanent. We would need to get married to someone for that person to be able to stay the night, or be around at night. I don't want it just to be vindictive towards her, because it works both ways.

Legally, you can't do that. The two of you can agree to it but the court cannot tell you OR her who is allowed in your home and at what times - unless that person is a danger to the child, at which point it would be ordered that the child is not allowed contact with said person.


During discovery, which won't happen until after social study which can take up to 3 months, her lawyer is welcome to ask for copies of the texts, as I can print them out, and her phone bill could corraborate them. She 'could' try and claim someone else used her phone. But I really doubt she will try that. Most of the texts can be pretty obvious that they were her.

It doesn't matter how "obvious" it is or not. It can still be thrown out. Like I said, I've seen police reports dismissed in family cases - reports that were written by the responding officer relating to the facts and incidents which took place with one parent. Clearly, the officer didn't write the report biased toward one parent or the other, yet the report wasn't allowed because it couldn't be cross-examined - the officer had to be subpoenaed to testify. You don't have that benefit when it comes to text messages.


With all the stuff I am gathering on her, I keep my lawyer informed. I am trusting he will tell me not to do something, or to do something else. But thus far the few things I have on her, like her going against custody agreement, in which she doesn't know I know. He sounds optimistic about what I have.

If she violated the custody agreement, you have to be able to prove it. Just saying you heard about it or learned about it isn't going to be enough.

Just keep documenting everything, write down dates and times, try to weed out the unimportant(her not taking a bottle) from the important(her violating the order). Keep your head up and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Or it could be that she hasn't paid him, so he's not doing anymore work for her. Your attorney should be contacting the court about this, not just sending letters to a non-responsive attorney.

He is preparing a motion to "compel" them to get this moving. He is also going to ask for FRoR. I have about a 50/50 shot from what I understand. The court would want to see that the time id have with him would be enough to justify him being picked up and dropped off. (7-8 hours every day)

Right now it was a mutual agreement between her and i (in first custody agreement) that no unrelated members of opposite sex be around at night. She doesn't like that so much now, so I am not sure that it will stay permanent.

I appreciate all your advice and will do my best to keep my head up and document everything. Thank you ^_^

So an update, and a question.

Things have been up and down, going to co parenting has helped because the counsilor seemed to be on my side. She got my ex to agree to me being able to watch our son while she is at work, and dropping him off before work, and also a 2nd overnight. There were problems here and there but mostly it's been my ex having to yield.

Last week though, the stragest turn of events. My ex dropped him off before work, and had bags packed in her car. She told me basically if she can't have him 100% for me to take him and just tell him that she is dead. She lost her job (by not calling or showing up) moved in with her boyfriend (who she has admitted sleepign with our son right there, and having our son around him several nights against court order) and gave her car back to her grandparents.
So after consulting with my lawyer, I dropped off our son like normal. So again my ex sent me a text saying "take him and tell him im dead" somy lawyer said to pick him up. I did. This was June 15th. The next day she continued with "thats what is best, tell him im dead" She finally came to my house Friday to see him and when he focused more on me, she again sent a text to me telling me this. We went to our counsilor who wrote up an agreement that we all 3 signed and she said is legally binding until lawyers can either fight it or put it in a divorce decree.
We are joint managing conservators and I have exclusive right to designate primary residence. We have equal rights to information. I have the exclusive right to make any major decisions, I just need to inform my ex before hand. And no set visitation, its as mutually agreed upon. My ex, the counsilor and I all signed it. So basically my ex will only get supervised visitation until she is on depression meds, and starts to see a psychiatrist. I have not tried to limit how often she can see him, but she has only seen him that Friday, and then today 1 week later.
My question is, we faxed all this to lawyers, and my lawyer is trying to contact hers but he is again not being easy to get ahold of. We have a court date on the 30th for emergency temporary custody that my lawyer filed at the beginning of all this.
Will the lawyers have enough time to do what they need to do, if they don't talk until monday-weds of next week (one day before court date?)

Oh, and if her or her lawyer don't try and fight it, or she doesn't change her mind, what would happen at this court hearing and could everything be finalized then?

Things have been up and down, going to co parenting has helped because the counsilor seemed to be on my side. She got my ex to agree to me being able to watch our son while she is at work, and dropping him off before work, and also a 2nd overnight. There were problems here and there but mostly it's been my ex having to yield.
That's good to hear. It sounds like you're being reasonable which is why the counselor is "on your side," so to speak. Ultimately they want what's best for the child(ren) so if they're agreeing with you, it means you're doing the right thing :)


Last week though, the stragest turn of events. My ex dropped him off before work, and had bags packed in her car. She told me basically if she can't have him 100% for me to take him and just tell him that she is dead. She lost her job (by not calling or showing up) moved in with her boyfriend (who she has admitted sleepign with our son right there, and having our son around him several nights against court order) and gave her car back to her grandparents.
So after consulting with my lawyer, I dropped off our son like normal. So again my ex sent me a text saying "take him and tell him im dead" somy lawyer said to pick him up. I did. This was June 15th. The next day she continued with "thats what is best, tell him im dead" She finally came to my house Friday to see him and when he focused more on me, she again sent a text to me telling me this. We went to our counsilor who wrote up an agreement that we all 3 signed and she said is legally binding until lawyers can either fight it or put it in a divorce decree.
We are joint managing conservators and I have exclusive right to designate primary residence. We have equal rights to information. I have the exclusive right to make any major decisions, I just need to inform my ex before hand. And no set visitation, its as mutually agreed upon. My ex, the counsilor and I all signed it. So basically my ex will only get supervised visitation until she is on depression meds, and starts to see a psychiatrist. I have not tried to limit how often she can see him, but she has only seen him that Friday, and then today 1 week later.
My question is, we faxed all this to lawyers, and my lawyer is trying to contact hers but he is again not being easy to get ahold of. We have a court date on the 30th for emergency temporary custody that my lawyer filed at the beginning of all this.
Will the lawyers have enough time to do what they need to do, if they don't talk until monday-weds of next week (one day before court date?)
They'll have enough time as long as everyone agrees to the terms. Her lawyer may convince her to fight it. She's starting to show a disinterest in the child; however, that can change very quickly if the courts order her to pay child support - suddenly she'll want to be the best mother in the world and not want you "taking" her child away from her.

I'm sure you're aware, but the document that the three of you signed isn't a valid order unless the court approves it. Your lawyer should also request supervised visitation because what you explained here leaves visitation "open" - you need to clarify to the court what it is that you're requesting.

In the event she doesn't fight it and everyone agrees, odds are that the court will approve your agreement and you'll be all set. I'll keep you in my prayers :)

From what she said today, her lawyers response to her email and the faxed copy of what we signed, was "Ok thanks" so I am not sure if she is lying, or if it doesn't seem like they will fight it. Child support has already been brought up during co parenting, so I am not sure that will spook her into changing her mind.
Our counsilor said what we signed was "legally binding" but wouldn't stand as a final custody agreement or anything and we would need the lawyers and court for that. But it's basically so she can't say "he's kept him the last two weeks and our court order says he only gets him on his days off"
Which again I don't think she will try and use much against me, because now with her defeated attitude she has been open about a lot of things she has done against court order that's in place.
And I explained to my lawyer how I wanted the visitation to work. Supervised until she is on depression meds and sees a psychiatrist, then after awhile unsupervised, (with her boyfriend not to be around our son) and then finally overnights again.

And I'm hoping with all she has done since last week, and I'm pretty confident, that either way I will end up with primary custody. The only changes I would think could happen is they give her a set visitation like standard or something. Which I would think is doubtful as well, because her living with boyfriend, she couldn't have our son over night because we have the "no unrelated members of opposite sex around child at night" so I don't know

From what she said today, her lawyers response to her email and the faxed copy of what we signed, was "Ok thanks" so I am not sure if she is lying, or if it doesn't seem like they will fight it. Child support has already been brought up during co parenting, so I am not sure that will spook her into changing her mind.
Our counsilor said what we signed was "legally binding" but wouldnt stand as a final custody agreement or anything and we would need the lawyers and court for that. But it's basically so she can't say "he's kept him the last two weeks and our court order says he only gets him on his days off"
Which again I don't think she will try and use much against me, because now with her defeated attitude she has been open about alot of things she has done against court order thats in place.
And I explained to my lawyer how I wanted the visitation to work. Supervised until she is on depression meds and sees a psychiatrist, then after awhile unsupervised, (with her bf not to be around our son) and then finally overnights again.

and im hoping with all she has done since last week, and im pretty confident, that either way I will end up with primary custody. The only changes I would think could happen is they give her a set visitation like standard or something. Which I would think is doubtful as well, because her living with bf, she couldnt have our son over night because we have the "no unrelated members of opposite sex around child at night" so i dunno

Well, the counselor was wrong and it was foolish of them to say that. Nothing is binding until the court approves it; the mother can always argue she was "forced" to sign it. I'm sure the mother won't fight it, but it's better to have that in writing and protect yourself from the ridiculous allegations.

As I said before, you have the clause about not having unrelated members of the opposite sex - she may change her mind and try to fight it. Doesn't mean the court won't approve it, but that also doesn't mean she's going to abide by it.

As long as your son is safe, that's the most important thing. Make sure you pat yourself on the back for being an involved father!

ahh well my ex doesn't care about checking into details so all she will remember is "legally binding" and that she signed something. So in the mean time she won't fight that. I hope the lawyers can settle it before court, I hate going to court, and having to trust in judges, or anything random.
And thank you ^_^

ahh well my ex doesnt care about checking into details so all she will remember is "legally binding" and that she signed something. So in the mean time she wont fight that. I hope the lawyers can settle it before court, I hate going to court, and having to trust in judges, or anything random.
And thank you ^_^

She might remember "legally binding" - her attorney, who she is paying to represent HER best interests, knows otherwise.

You'll still have to appear for the final hearing which will get everything settled. But I agree with you; court is a long, painful process when it's dealing with family matters and it's hard not knowing how it will end up. But I'd be pretty confident in your case at this point, it seems like everything is going to settle in your favor.

Sigh so yesterday I get the death threat from her boyfriend. Said he was on his way etc to kill me and himself so she could get our son. When I told her, she didn't seem like she cared and texted me "well yeah id be pretty happy if you were dead"
So now have a police report on the boyfriend (who she lives with) and we are for sure going to court Thursday I am guessing to get a restraining order against him.
Which would essentially limit her access as well, since she lives with him.
Hopefully all will be done soon. I am not even 100% what will happen now.

sigh so yesterday I get the death threat from her bf. said he was on his way etc to kill me and himself so she could get our son. When I told her, she didnt seem like she cared and texted me "well yeah id be pretty happy if you were dead"
so now have a police report on the bf (who she lives with) and we are for sure going to court thursday i am guessing to get a restraining order against him.
which would essentially limit her access as well, since she lives with him.
hopefully all will be done soon. I am not even 100% what will happen now.

You need to ensure that your child is included on the restraining order - otherwise it's just between you and him, and has no effect on her visitation.

If he's threatening you and she's saying things like that, I'd say supervised visitation is absolutely in order and the judge would have to be a fool to rule against it.

Well there are some fool judges out there. I am hoping a judge just laves things the way it is when it comes to visitation. Let me decide when, where and how etc. My lawyer and I, I believe, will include our son on the restraining order, and I don't see a judge saying no to that.
I think her reaction to the fact he said that, which is saved in a text, will go a long way towards swaying a judge against her.

So I have another question, but first an update on what happened at court.
We didn't go before a judge, just me her and our lawyers. She admitted her boyfriend threatened to kill me, and she wanted me dead etc in front of both lawyers. In the end she ended up with supervised visitation only at her grandparents or mothers house. Her boyfriend is no allowed around our son at all. She gets Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 8-12 and every other Saturday from 9-4. She also has to pay child support starting August first whether she has a job or not by that point.
We are joint managing conservators and I have exclusive right to make all decisions, I can inform her, but don't have to. I decide his place of residence within our county, and contiguous counties.
At the time since she was asking for the wedding ring and gifts since they were "gifts" I also asked for the car, which is in her grandfathers name, but was a gift to us after we got married. I gave up the car I had because of this.

Now things were actually improving between me and her during the last month and a half. She said she wasn't going to go after wedding ring or gifts, so we could just end it all. I was willing to give her a better visitation, still supervised and still with her boyfriend not being allowed around our son. This last weekend she messaged me how he had almost killed her and everyone in the car cause he was driving extremely reckless, to the point she had to jump out of a moving vehicle.

She isn't asking for any overnights or anything like that, she just wants to be able to have the boyfriend around, I don't think that's safe. What are the chances a judge would take that away and let her have him around? He's threatened to kill her, himself, me and she has threatened to kill herself and our son... I would hope that and what he did this last weekend would be reason enough to keep it the same.

Id like to also add, she is not going to pay her child support on Monday because she has no money.

So I have another question, but first an update on what happened at court.
We didnt go before a judge, just me her and our lawyers. She admitted her bf threatened to kill me, and she wanted me dead etc infront of both lawyers. In the end she ended up with supervised visitation only at her grandparents or mothers house. Her bf is no alowed around our son at all. she gets monday, wednesday, friday from 8-12 and every other saturday from 9-4. She also has to pay child support starting august first whether she has a job or not by that point.
We are joint managing conservators and I have exclusive right to make all decisions, I can inform her, but dont have to. I decide his place of residence within our county, and contiguous counties.
At the time since she was asking for the wedding ring and gifts since they were "gifts" I also asked for the car, which is in her grandfathers name, but was a gift to us after we got married. I gave up the car I had because of this.

Now things were actually improving between me and her during the last month and a half. She said she wasnt going to go after wedding ring or gifts, so we could just end it all. I was willing to give her a better visitation, still supervised and still with her bf not being alowed around our son. This last weekend she messaged me how he had almost killed her and everyone in the car cause he was driving extremely reckless, to the point she had to jump out of a moving vehicle.

She isnt asking for any overnights or anything like that, she just wants to be able to have the bf around, I dont think thats safe. What are the chances a judge would take that away and let her have him around? hes threatened to kill her, himself, me and she has threatened to kill herself and our son.... I would hope that and what he did this last weekend would be reason enough to keep it the same.

First of all, congratulations! Sounds like things went amazingly well for you :)

Secondly, I wouldn't back down on the no-contact order for the boyfriend. The guy sounds dangerous - do you really want him around your son? If her lawyer was agreeing to it, sounds like he knows the judge will order the same.

Thank you, my lawyer told me afterward that I was basically a little too generous with visitation (didnt need to give her any weekends) and since then she has also blown off 2 of her weekday visitation to go to the beach with her boyfriend.

I am not going to back down in any way. I told her if she agrees to leave it in there, then once its all final I will get together with her and him and a councilor or something over an extended period for them to show me that he is not a danger. She is not OK with that.

She is fighting to have boyfriend be around, but nothing else as in no more time, or overnights or anything.

And from what I understand, her lawyer I guess feels like she is going to lose (he told her during that session to shut up and stop talking, she is making things worse) She also believes her lawyer only required a one time fee of 3k. And I don't know any lawyers who only take one fee for a marraige/divorce case... I think she didn't realize what a retainer is. So she hasn't paid him at all since that.

Her lawyer told her she can try and change it at final hearing(during that last session, he has not responded to her since.. and I believe her when she says that)

Didn't know if I should post this in my other thread, if so I am sorry.
I am in Texas, and recently just got primary custody of me and my ex wife's son.
She had just recently quit her job, and was in the process of looking for another one. She found a new job and started the Tuesday right after court. (she found out she got the job after court as well)

When we went to the emergency hearing, we and our lawyers went to a room to discuss between us I suppose to save having a trial at the time.
In those temporary orders they put in a part for her to pay child support based on minimum wage, that would start August 1st (roughly a month and a half after court). She agreed and signed off on it.

She quit that job the same day it started and has not really tried too much to get a new job. So now August first is coming up and she has told me she is not going to pay because she has no job or money.

My question is, since it wasn't done through the attorney general, but through the temporary orders, do the same consequences apply to her if she fails to pay? And I am assuming in the end it will all go through the attorney general, will they keep a record of what she hasn't paid that was apart of the temporary orders?

Tried looking this up online and here, and could not find an answer for it. Thanks for the response

This goes through child support and not attorney general's office. Once she does not pay you need to contact the child support office and let them handle this for you. Bring all your paperwork with you including the court order showing she must pay this cs. You can also go back to your original attorney and discuss this with him to help you collect the child support. He will charge you a fee, child support office won't. The only difference is you might get faster results through the attorney.

Sorry I didn't mention our divorce is not final yet, still have to have the final hearing.
So either way, through my attorney or child support office, the results will be the same? Albeit faster through lawyer. Thank you ^_^

This goes thru child support and not attorney general's office.

This is Texas (I merged the threads). In TX child support does go through the AG's office.

I'm assuming the temporary orders were ratified by the court? If so, then she would be in contempt of court. If she doesn't have a job, then she needs to appeal to the court to modify the order. The "temporary" orders are just until the divorce is finalized.

Thanks Scott for merging the threads. And yes the temporary orders were signed off on by both lawyers, both of us as judge.
She had no job when she agreed to this, got a job and quit it since then. I don't think she will make any effort to go to AG to modify anything. (that would take an effort on her part, so it's not likely)
And she is already set at the minimum wage CS.

Ok, so our CS is not going through the AG yet. Spoke with lawyer, and its basically just apart of our temporary orders.
I am curious what the likely result will be when we go to final hearing (which there is no set date yet)

She is basically just wanting it changed that her current boyfriend can be allowed around our son. As of now, he is not. He has threatened to kill me, and almost killed her driving extremely drunk to the point she jumped out of car.
I realize judges are different and can rule any which way. But when it comes down to a set visitation, will they change what we have? Give her more? Will they alow the boyfriend who I believe is a danger to be around my son.
Our visitation is she has supervised visits only at her grandparents/mothers house, no over nights. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8am-12pm and every other Saturday from 9am-4pm.
I have continued to go to co parenting counciler, and she has not because she cannot afford it. Has not paid her CS that was agreed upon.

I realize there is no definite answer to be giving on the subject, just looking for those who are in the legal system and have experience with these kind of matters, to kind of give me a general idea of what's going to happen. I appreciate any responses.

Judges are hard to predict, but if there are police records about the boyfriend that verify what you have said, I think he will be kept away.

Definitely understand about what a judge may or may not do. I appreciate it Scott. I have the police record for him threatening me, my ex confirming via texts, and in person. And even her saying "if you treat me right then there is nothing to worry about" in regards to his threat. She has even said with both our lawyers present, how she has a right to feel how she wants about wanting me dead.


And is there enough to get sole custody?

I hate to keep resurrecting this thread, but unfortunately my case is still on a roller coaster.

Since my ex gave me our son and took that visitation, we have not had to go back to court, have had very little problems in general.

She texted me how she almost died because her boyfriend was driving so recklessly (drunk) that she jumped out of the car because she thought that was safer.

Now apparently she has filed a motion almost 3 months after I took custody of our son, for joint conservators but child would reside with her monday-friday. She has accused me of not allowing her visitation. (I keep the calandar on my iPhone current every day with time of pick up, drop off and a short description if anything significant has happened)

I have even allowed her a few hours on a day that wasn't hers, so she could take him to a baby shower.

She is also wanting her boyfriend to be allowed around our son.

So our court case is just one week away, and I am very scared. I have no way of knowing for certain what will happen. My lawyer says he doubts a judge would change much.
Can anyone tell me the likely hood that a judge would change custody back to her, for no good reason? I have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Where as she is already late on child support, she had gotten a job and quit it just because it's a call center. So no excuse not to pay...

I am truly at a loss right now.

Thanks in advance for any input .

First off its fine to add to a thread you have started. Ths is what we are here for. Also by keeping it in the same thread we have a running history and that helps a lot. Thanks.


Now to your question. In most cases when there has been a custody decision by the courts they don't like to revisit it for at least 2 years. So if its under that mark then things are on your side already. Also you need to print out that email she sent about her and her boyfriend. Make extra copies as you will need at least 3 copies if you use it in court. Good Luck.

They were by texts, I have them saved and have also exported them in a .txt format. The decision wasn't technically made by a judge. My lawyer and I, and hers and hers I guess mediated. They wrote it out and then had a judge sign it. Would that count for the 2 year rule?

Yes, it passed through the courts even if it was just the judge signing the order. The 2 year rule is not hard and fast nor written in stone its more of a general guideline that most courts commonly follow. The idea behind it is to keep the child from becoming a ping pong ball.

Ahh OK, that was what I was hoping for at least. I do not want him being bounced around, and I can't imagine a good enough reason to take him away from me.
What I thought was maybe this was her lawyers attempt to raise the cost of the whole thing a bit more. Or that maybe if they shoot for everything they will end up better off then they are now.
But, she knows I have texts, emails, recordings. Our son was given a clean bill of health at his 9 mo check up.
And I have not done anything that she knows of, or doesn't know of, that could be considered in an world as neglectful or harmful in any way. (basically I have been a saint) I don't even drink.

Ahh ok, that was what I was hoping for at least. I do not want him being bounced around, and I can't imagine a good enough reason to take him away from me.
What I thought was maybe this was her lawyers attempt to raise the cost of the whole thing a bit more. Or that maybe if they shoot for everything they will end up better off then they are now.
But, she knows I have texts, emails, recordings. Our son was given a clean bill of health at his 9 mo check up.
And I have not done anything that she knows of, or doesnt know of, that could be considered in an world as neglectful or harmful in any way. (basically I have been a saint) I don't even drink.

Ok Saint Delow. Just remember it is perfectly normal to have a life too. Its OK to relax and to have an occasional beer if you like or glass of wine with a meal. Don't forget that to be the best parent you can; you too need time for yourself and your inner growth.

Lol I didn't mean to imply that I am neglecting myself. I have had a couple of drinks once since I have had him. But mainly my thing is to hang out with him, or play video games when he's crashed out. So I am happy with how our daily lives are. I only meant I have made sure to stay clear of trouble in any form, so that it can't be used against me.
Sigh
Thank you, I guess the more assurances I hear, the more voices I hear telling me the same things I know... it makes it a little easier to relax. This site really has been one of the best things in my life for quite awhile now.