I am a 16 year old female, and I can't trust guys! My dad lied, cheated, abused us, and broke promises (I'm pretty sure that's where it started and everything else just added on)... The first time I decided to "date" someone I wasn't looking for sex, I just wanted someone I could be
close to and talk to about everything.. I don't really know
how to explain it, but I hope you get the picture. I dated one guy, after a couple days of "dating" (we hadn't done anything, just hung out) he wanted to have sex, I told him not now. He got mad. So that was done. And the same thing has happened over and over with every guy I meet, it's pretty heartbreaking. Now this weekend I met a guy... We were at a party and everyone decided to go to the bar, they said they could get me in, but I said no (I'm underage). I guess he overheard and said he'd stay behind with me, all I could think was "great (sarcastically), he wants to be alone". Everyone said he was a good guy and it would be fine. So I stayed back at the house with him. We started talking and such, and he put his arm around me, I thought he was going to make a "move", but he didn't.. Then everyone came back to the house and we went to
a different house, and the rest of the night random guys were hitting on me and he saw so he came and sat beside me and held my hand and we talked more.. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. Then we continued talking... At the end of the night he walked me to the door and I kissed him. He texted me this morning and asked me to go over to there house, and since I know almost everyone who lives there I thought why not, I could just go hang out with everyone else if I wanted to. He hadn't slept all night because we were at the party until 6am and it was only 10am. So when I got there we laid on the couch together and talked. Everyone had woken up and came downstairs and it was really loud (they had the music blaring) and I had a headache, so he said let's go upstairs.. I knew my one friend was in the room next to his so if I needed her she'd hear me, so I agreed and went upstairs. I assumed he'd try something and then get mad when I turned him down. But we got into bed cuddled, kissed, and then went to sleep...

Now, I really don't know what to do, I haven't known him long at all, but he seems like a good guy, he is one of the only guys who has not tried something, he had all the chances, but he didn't. I'm scared to get to know him from my past expierences, but he seems different.

What would you do? (I know it seems weird posting on here, but I'd like some opinions, both male and female!)

I know I'm 16, and a lot of people still think it's to young. But I don't want a realationship just for sex (and I'm not going to have
sex with someone because they want it!), so please don't comment about age!

Hi Emily

I commend you for your stance , and to be honest I wouldn't worry about all the guys you've missed out on because of it , if all they wanted was Sex your far better off without them.

As far as this guy goes he sounds sincere enough although it's only early , I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise. Just take it slow and hopefully he turns out differently to the others.

Good Luck :)

Emily, how old is this 'guy'? I am not worried about you being too young to date (I know how level-headed you normally appear to be from your other posts). I am concerned about the age of the 'guys' you are attempting to date and their expectations. He may be a 'good guy' and he may be willing to take it slow, but that doesn't mean his expectations are the same as yours.

To be honest, you barely know this person and you have put yourself in a compromised position. You can't rely on your friend or anyone else to be where you think they should be IF a situation gets out of your control.

If you continue to see this guy, talk with him and be upfront about not wanting a sexual relationship at your age. Otherwise, I think he may be getting mixed messages about how far and how quickly you are willing to allow this interaction to go.

He's 18, the other guys were 16/17. And thanks for your posts, I just really don't want to get close to him if he's going to only want sex.. And since all my bad expierences I look differently at everyone and I wanted a few more opinions :)

I think that you are excercising maturity, personal boundaries, and reasonable expectations of what you expect in a potential boyfriend.

The only exception that I see so far in what you've written, is that you did compromise yourself after returning to a house after only a few hours of sleep, and end up in bed with a guy that you don't know.

If I were the guy, I would have considered that to be a green light. That he didn't do anything, doesn't mean that he is any more honourable than any other guy, it only means that it was enough- this time- that you shared a bed with him.

I think too that if you want to maintain your standards, it isn't a good idea to do what you did, which gives the impression to this guy that things could have happened.

That being said, if you are interested in him, and he seems different than the others who want sex first, relationship after that, instead of the other way around, then be straight with him. If you are honest and upfront and he doesn't take offense to your standards, likely he has similar of his own.

I wouldn't advise you to wait until he does make a move, to tell him that you are not interested in sex. He too, has probably had females who expected sex right off the bat, and maybe thinks the same way you do. Perhaps he too is wondering if you are different from 'them'.

Because we live in such a promiscuous society, and that is a part of 'getting to know someone' to many, and the fact that you have experienced this yourself, setting yourself apart from that expectation and finding someone who feels the same way, is worth waiting for.

If there comes a time when he asks you out, get to know him, and let him get to know you. You will quickly know if he is interested in a relationship without sex, or he fades into the background, just by talking about it. In other words, he may seem different than the others, as you have said, but you won't know until you take the time to find out if he is.

I commend you on your stance of no sex. That is good.
What you need to do is stop putting yourself in compromising positions. If you don't want to have sex stop being alone in bed with this guy. That is playing with fire.
Do public dating, not hanging out in some-body's house on the couch or in the bedroom.
Take it slow and set boundaries, he will either be OK with this or he won't.
I wish you well.