Hi,

I have posted in this forum about this girl on many occasions because of my trust issues with her - my gut was constantlly calling out alarms on a daily basis.

I have been trying to get past them but they never went away - I just learned to live with them because many people have said your prob wrong etc and I thought so too cos she used to be so nice to me and I thought I'm going to screw this up over nothing.

anyway turns out they wernt wrong at all...

some background...

we were together a year and one month until earlier tonight I dumped her.

(this is going to be a VERY long post by the way so be warned lol)




my trust issues came from this...

1) very early on in the relationship a guy added me and told me she had been saying she would **** him even though she had a boyfriend - and showed me the log - I had no idea if this was before or after we got together so I left it - but it did set up doubt from this point forwards - looking back I should have backed out here or the next thing but I didnt)

2) about 3 months into our relationship cos of my lack of trust and my gut feeling I snooped on her emails and found out she had sent her ex boyfriend a very bad pic of her cleavege - and lied about it until I showed her the proof I had (yeah I shudnt have snooped but I just knew something was up and I had to know one way or the other - I wanted her to be innocent but she wasnt)

she was full of sorrys and promised never to make such a mistake again (because she wudnt risk her relationship)

she cut contact with him for a long time after this and all was well...

but they started getting in contact again recientlly and so it all flared up again - although I didn't tell her - I said I was OK with it and I was to a certain extent cos he did seem different

but then the gut feeling came back and I sensed something wasn't right - esp since she has another ex who I never had a problem with but I got a bit worred because the day he split with his girlfriend she went really distant with me and it was just mad timing...

so I snooped again - and this time I couldn't beleve what I was seeing...

I'm going to show you in a minute - but before I do some things she has said...

1) that they really are just friends and he would never try anything with her

2) she just doesn't see him that way any more.

this is not the case as you will now see - my comments will be in (brakets)...

(she has also been telling me her distance was due to tiredness and I had started to beleve that)

also when me and him are on msn at the same time - she will say 2 words to me then go chat to him for ages - I thought OK cool if he's just a friend that's what friends do sometimes u just chat about everything)

OK here is the main parts of the logs - this is just from about a week... and all I have...

she is clearly not over this guy and likes him at the expense of what we (had) she told me she just wants her best friend back and I understood that - stupid lol cos she told me herself she keeps asking to see him...

this is in chronoligacal order but I have left any 'normal chat' out

it gets worse as it goes on...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOG FROM: 13th oct 2010 - 17th oct 2010


HER: week off next week ;)

(why the wink?)

HIM: Im tired

HER: aww
hehe bedtime?
:P
remember? (remember our bedtimes?)

HIM: night then

HER: oh your going? :( (she never puts sad face when I go anymore and she used to all the time)

HIM: yeah tired hun

HER: oh OK
night then I spose x

HIM: back and forth
to and fro

HER: erm
naughty

HIM: gosh
yes
very

HER: bit of willy jazz
hahahaaa

HER: u still sexin her?
HIM: yeah of course
they're good to bury face into

HIM: or you know... shagging

HER: yeah I don't rele want to know ta
bloimey
tmi! (why ask then it obv made her jealous)

HIM: but they're not all that

HER: I prefer mine personally (draws attention to her boobs)

------ she changes her name here to: p.s I'm still not over u lalala lala (with music notes around it)--------

HER: your silly
my tongue hurts

HIM: why?
you got it peirced?

HER: YEH
ages ago

HIM: so you know...
does it?

HER: so you know what
yeah

HIM: yeah what?
HER: u know

HIM: I wouldn't know
u will have to demonstrate

HER: yeah (*****! Lol)

HIM: ?
you're still not over me? Oh no

HER: its not about you

HIM: ''ooh it's just a song I like''

HER: I just rele like the song

HER: not EVERYTHINGS about u lol ;)
:P

HIM: but that is
we'll never be over each other

HER: excuse me?

HIM: you heard

HER: haa u make us sound like ross and rachel

HIM: yeah similar

HER: gay face (in a friendly way - she also has this same pet name for me)

HIM: we should be you know... FBs

HER: no lol

HIM: *pokes willy in bum*
:O
hahaha

HER: ruuude

***changes her name to: because when I'm with him I'm thinking of you, thinking of you, what you would do if you were the one spendin the night (with music notes) not even half an hr later ***

HER: (with music notes) u spin my head right round when u goo down

HIM: hehe u thinking of me when you're with him

HER: not everything applies to u

HIM: it clearly does

HER: how did u work that one out?

HIM: obvious

HER: wats it to u anyway (pissed off cos she knows he don't want her really)

*** has changed his/her status to Appear Offline *** (think I was talking to her at the time and she said she has to go)

**** he sends a pic of himself here without being asked ****

HER: I miss henry huggles (cuddles) (wow!)

***************this is where it gets bad*****************

HER: I'm so tiired

HIM: well you get some sleep then baby

HER: I won't sleep yet though
my minds still live and kicking

HIM: what you think about baby?

HER: you

HIM: what bit?

HER: all the bits

HIM: well don't
we're just mates now (he had to tell her? How bad is that)

HER: haha :P
annd your a lesbian

HIM: bed time

HER: okies :(

HIM: hehe you mean if I was spending the night (about her name)

HER: and? (means and what else?)

HIM: hehe

HER: *sigh* (cos he didn't say and sex - or cos he can't be there)

HIM: often its about me

HER: not often

HIM: u put butter on your boobs, I lick it off

HER: :O henry!

HIM: hehe

HER: shocking

HIM: naughty

HER: massive willy

HIM: huge
9 inches

HER: henry!
goodness
its as big as a wind turbine

HIM: yea

HER: :)
good stuff

HER: hahaahaha he likes it on all fours

HIM: rude

HER: its good
do you remember the last time?

----- some normal crap... ---------

HER: so when you coming to see me?

HIM: Prob when I get my new bike

HER: you have like a 100 bikes haha

HIM: their not suitable - I haven't got a big bike atm

HER: for your sizable willy?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so yeah as u can see I am NOT happy

I woudld never have talked to any girl like this while I was with her - esp an ex - and esp since she saw how much it nearly destroyed me last time

anyway though soon as I read this all feelings for her instantlly vanished into thin air - all I have now is anger and disbelif

I do have some questions though...

I text her straight after saying "its over"

then again saying these...

(these are prob a bit AFC but I wasn't thinking right)

"and henry's dead" (the guy lol)

"after everything ive done for you how could you"

then I tried to call her for ages and ages I'm not sure if she was just aslep and couldn't hear it or just wasn't answering anyway I then text...

"im not gonna shout at you i just wanna talk"

then LOADS more of call trying - no way is she not hearing it now she obv just isn't answering

"answer the phone"



I wasn't calling to get back with her though - I just wanted an explanation

I still do really...

must have tried calling her literlly 50 times and then just stopped and isn't text or called since (its only the same day tho)

basiclly I want to know what u think - I'm justified dumping her right? Lol

also I still want this explanation - I was going to just go turn up at her house tomorrow armed with my proof and make her face me for what she has done - I think she is getting off way too lightly otherwise

also I owe her mum money and her mum gave me a free brand new bike today - her mum has been nothing but nice to me so I still want to pay her back - after all it isn't her who has done anything wrong

I was going to go there Monday if I don't turn up tomorrow to go give her mum the money and 100% blank my ex even if she tries to talk to me.

this might all seem petty but she hasn't just done wrong but REALLY wrong esp to make me tortue myself all this time thinking it was all in my head - and nearly left me many times cos I "accused her when she wasnt doing anything" - she doesn't deserve to just get away with it

so what do you all think of it all and what I want to do about it? I am not even considering getting back with her - she had a chance after before and blew it big time - and I could never trust her again now.

she is going to try all sorts of excuses like it was just in a joking way etc etc - but if that was the case why lie? And it don't seem very joky to me - its clear she wants him


lol sorry this was a book but there was a lot to say

thank you if you have got this far and let me know - thanks for replying - oh and by the way I'm not even hurting (yet) just got so much anger in me - but id never do anything physical to anyone - even though I know I said he's dead.

thank you again

Timez

Yep, I will just tell you straight up, stay her boyfriend, stay untrusting and you will be cheat on.. She is so beyond a cheater, she does not show commitment in any way, she was not loyal to you. Overall you deserve way better, only thing you can do now is stay with her or make her regret and prove she's worthy but life won't get easier with her. I don't like being blunt, this case, it's the best way. Let her go, let her pine and whine, she should not get your commitment to her again unless she takes many months of showing her devotion, letting you read anything, texts emails, no secrets, no passwords, no extra accounts, if she has nothing to hide, then it won't matter.

I can totally relate to your issues. I went through the same thing with my girlfriend messaging another guy that lived in another state. When I confronted her on it, she said that it was all innocent and stupid, etc. blah, blah, blah and would never do it again. Guess what she didn't communicate with that guy again, but a year later, it was a different guy. It will be very hard if not impossible to trust her again. Like you said, your gut feeling is usually right. My advice would be to go no contact with her. I know it's hard as I'm going through the same emotions that you are right now with my situation. I know it hurts when you feel like you are a good guy and you are good to her. Try to stay busy doing other things. I'm trying to do the same. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true for a lot of people. Think about the good things that you can bring to someone else that actually wants to be with you, and just you.

I totally agree, this is not even cheating, this is beyond cheating.
I know you want an explanation end I know you want to show her that you are not stupid, that you saw through her game and she got caught. Maybe you want to hear excuses and say hurtful things to her because she hurt you. Don't.

Just leave it like that. Disappear from her life, let her disappear from yours. Send her mom the money you owe by mail order if you have to. Let her go back to her ex and probably do the same to him with another guy. She was poisoning you.

And yes, break up is the right choice to stop making a fool of yourself. Go NC and never ever talk to her again. It will take you a bit to heal after this (it still gives me chills when I remember that feeling when I found my ex's online conversations with other girls, it almost made me throw up) because it's a horrible way to break up with someone but when you have to, you have to.

Now give yourself time to heal and move on. You're lucky your instincts were right. Trust me, after all this is over and you fully heal, you will think about all this and laugh. And chances are, a nice, caring girl will be holding your hand by then.
Go NC and don't look back. Good luck!

Your solution is very simple, but hard to do.

Disappear from her life and never allow her back in it. You can keep the drama going with questions she may never answer to your satisfaction, but any talking with her is like asking a snake why he bit you.

Like a snake bite, focus on the wound, and stop the poison from spreading, and heal, and be more cautious around snakes.

Just curious as to what your user name was before and why you changed it? You said you posted here before.

It was something similar to this one but I couldn't remember it or the email I signed up with lol.

Yeah its over - I don't really care what her explanation is now - but I do want her to have to face me as punishement - I want her to have to look me in the eye knowing what she has done and then when she is crying I will walk away - it's the least she deserves after a year of tortue and her making me think its all in my head.

I know I shouldn't but it will make me feel better and that's all that matters

it was something simular to this one but i couldnt remember it or the email i signed up with lol.

yeah its over - i dont really care what her explaination is now - but i do want her to have to face me as punishement - i want her to have to look me in the eye knowing what she has done and then when she is crying i will walk away - its the least she deserves after a year of tortue and her making me think its all in my head.

I know i shouldnt but it will make me feel better and thats all that matters



Don't even bother with that. It will be torture enough for her if you just leave her and ignore her, period.

I know you're mad and want to see her in tears. Just leave it alone.

Keep your pride and dignity. It's clear she doesn't have any. Those two idiots deserve each other.

Good luck.

This is extremely easy bro... DROP HER!! Don't talk, don't text, don't find little excuses to go see her, don't have any contact with her whatsoever until you feel like your over and your rage dies down. In fact, I don't even see how this girl could make even a mediocre friend with the way she has betrayed and disrespected you. I will tell you though, from one snooper to another, snooping will never lead to anything good other than to diminish any trust you may have with anyone... so STOP! Or we will be seeing you posting here again with the same problem over and over and over again.

Good Luck,

Javi

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-not-being-100-honest-470497.html

Is this it by chance??

You don't trust her, you haven't really trusted her in the past, you aren't likely to ever trust her. She hasn't proven herself trustworthy.

You already have an out... you told her in a text that it was over, so let it be over. Stop trying to contact her and do not allow yourself to get caught up in a discussion about it if she tries to contact you.

It's over, it's done, you are free from the torment, count your blessings... move on.

So it's two years since you posted about this girl SMS cheating with an ex boyfriend. Can we get an update? What ever happened with you two?

I am curious because I am going through a very similar situation right now. The feeling of finding something like this out, especially if it's about an ex, and then having him/her ignore your calls all night is indescribably painful.

So what happened? Did you go cold turkey, no contact? Or are you guys still together? If so, how is it going? Give us an update... : )