So ill try to keep this as brief as I can, but I need a lot of help I am in a really bad place right now. My ex and I dated for just under 2 years, we are both 20, yes I know were young and I don't know about life blah blah blah. I loved the girl with all my heart! I've had 2 previous relationships one a year, and the other 2 years. I knew both of those wouldn't work out and the first one I was broken up with and it sucked but I bounced back rather quickly. Well my recent ex broke up with me about a month ago now.

Our relationship was what I would describe as perfect, we fought minimally and if we did we knew how to take time apart be with our own friends for a bit, then talk things out and things were that much better between us, I never swore at her, never cheated on her, I'm very goal oriented, she had her ambitions about being a nurse and we both supported each other and were ready to take on the future. Well this would be our junior year of college and last year I heard about an internship that would take me 8 hours away, so we discussed it for about 4 months before I left, she constantly encouraged me to go go go and take the job, she knew it would suck being away but she would stay busy with school and wed talk regularly. So I applied for the job and was able to get it. It came time to leave and she was sad and said she would miss be but knew it was all for the best and she loved me more for all I was a sacrificing.

During the first 4 months I was here we saw each other fairly regular about every two weeks usually for at least 3-5 days at a time, so I wasn't really away that much. And even during that time she told me how happy she was with me and within the year of me getting back wanted to seriously consider getting married. I was hesitant at first but started to like the idea as I really do the love girl and started saving up money.

Well then the last time I went home things were great and amazing and she was still unhappy I was gone but nothing seemed out of the usual. The following week after I had left she called me and said she was unhappy, didn't know why couldn't explain it and was all around upset. She told me she had been unhappy for the entire past year of our relationship(news to me and I think it was a cop out excuse) and she doesn't think it would work out anymore. Well I did the usual cry beg, plead for her not to leave me bull****, and offered we try taking a break first, well that lasted for a day and she called the next day saying it was over. I called and texted her for a week trying to ask why and what happened and she seemed to get annoyed. So I let her be, then after a few days of not calling she messaged me saying she was drunk and felt bad but would explain later. I gave her until the next day, then kind of getting upset I wrote her a long good bye message that took me about a day and half to write. Finally after about 3 days she told me she accidentally deleted my message and wrote me something that looked like it took about 20 minutes basically telling me she doesn't think we'll be together when we get back and all about how she changed her hair.

I've been devastated with out her and love her more than anything in the world. Recently I've heard from some friends in her classes that she has been talking to some new guy but doesn't want to do anything until she's over me. I haven't talked to her in a week now and its killing me that I went from someone she wanted to spend her life with to all of the sudden she just gave up on us and is already considering someone else. The only thing I never liked about her was she was a party girl, but really when I was home, she kind of gave up partying and was always so loving and adoring when we were together. I miss her so much.

I've seen other posts on here and how helpful everyone can be I hope I can get some of that same help. I hate not hearing from her but being away I feel helpless in that there is nothing I can do. Our anniversary would be next week and I want to say something to her but I also think I shouldn't. Please if anyone has advice I would be glad to hear it. Thanks for reading!

Welcome to AMHD. Heart goes out to heart break is just painful.

Some times love has bad timing and this one of those cases. You are looking for closure but you need to accept that it is. There doesn't it matter the why? She decided that she didn't want to be with you come to accept it.

Now, if guess why she decided to end it was
she kind of gave up partying and was always so loving and adoring when we were together.

She loves you but she wasn't ready to give up all the young women stuff like the clubs and the parties. While you were away she probably had friends asking her to go out and have fun instead of staying home. Party girls don't party alone.

Clean break.. no contact rule applies. Maybe in the future she will grow out of it but don't wait around for it.

They time away from each other has probably shown her she wants to be single, she wants to party, nothing wrong with that, she is 2o after all.
The best thing for you is to go NC and stay that way. She has moved on and you need to as well.

I am doing my best to accept it. After the letter I wrote to her I have now been in NC with her for about a week now, I've been out bike riding, running, exercising and all around trying to make myself a better person, but then when I'm sitting at home my mind continues to drift back to her and what she is up too. I know she enjoyed partying and when we were together I never asked her to give it up, in fact we went out quite often and when out separately as well and also enjoyed having nights to ourselves just sitting around and watching movies. And even being away I never wanted her to give up going out that would be madness and unfair to her. I was nice enough to ask what I thought were the simple questions, like when shed be home and let me know she was safely. I never worried about who she was with because I trusted her fully she never gave me a reason not too.

Now the last thing she told me was that she wanted to focus on herself and school and not mee. But I can't wrap my head around how she is doing that if she is partying and drinking every night. She became very cold the last few times we talked and the rejection I think is what's killing me the most. I hate the thought of her being with another guy because now that she's single I don't see her being the type to resist temptation as much. Is it normal to feel this way and wonder what she's up too or if she even cares about me at all?

It sounds like you made her out to be someone you wanted in your mind, but not someone she was in reality. I have no doubt you love her because love can do just that, it can blind you to the reality and create the illusion. But you were asking in a way for her to become somebody she was not comfortable being. She can do that for a little bit, but eventually somebody is going to go back to who they truly are. She was no different. I know this is a tough time, but right now you have to quit asking about her and quit socializing with her friends. You have to create space and reclaim yourself to move forward.

She is who she is. Maybe she tried to be what you wanted and found it is easier being herself.
She has left you and you have to deal with it. What she does and how she does it is not your concern or business, so take your nose out of it and concentrate on getting your life together.

I don't think I made her out to be someone she wasn't, at least id hope not. I mean she was caring, told me all the time how much she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. She wrote forever on everything, cards, gifts, letters, texts you name it. I even gave her a locket with forever engraved. I guess maybe she was uncomfortable not being the single party girl, but she never lead on to it. We went out most weekends together or separate and I kind of enjoyed that she was like that because its what enabled her to be so open and out going which I loved about her.

Well I was able to take a step further in the right direction today I hope. I haven't been friends with her on fb for a while but I made the effort today to defriend any mutual friends I had met with her, essentially her friends not mine, and also defriended her siblings and cuzins. That hurt because I was close with them too and they've even asked how I'm doing but I know its for the best.
Over this month I've found myself at highs and lows of thinking I'm fine I can do with out her but then I slip right back into being depressed and missing her like crazy and want to break NC. Do these feelings last long? Does anyone else feel that often?

Each person is different. I know it is painful but it will lessen with time.
You have made some good steps. Stick to it.
If and when you need to vent, we are here.
I wish you well.

I can tell you it will take a while to get your own life back, after being so attached to someone so closely for so long. But eventually if you leave them, and their life alone, you will rebuild one without them. It's a matter of time, and highs and lows are a part of life any way. It will get better later.

Well I really screwed up tonight and broke the no contact I had built up. I was online and noticed pictures weren't there anymore. Realizing it meant albums of hers were missing, I was so f---ing stupid I called her and asked if she wanted me to take down my albums as well. Sure enough it grew into a bigger conversation that basically lead to her saying our relationship wasn't worth a second chance or I'm not worth a second chance. She said she was sorry and that she does miss me, but it wouldn't be fair. Told me that she isn't seeing anyone and probably won't for a while, but she's drinking more, started smoking more, and now all of the sudden she does pot. Which I had always been dead against so hearing that she's ruining her life in that way was a devastating blow. She said maybe one day again we could be friends and I flat out told her no its not worth it, if I'm not worth a second chance she's not worth being my friend. And still not having complete knowledge of why we broke up I decided to ask her and still got nothing. Only that she's told me, but saying she was unhappy and didn't know why doesn't really tell me a damn thing. I don't know what to work on because I don't know what I did wrong, that she was unhappy for a few months, year whatever. I told her I guess it was all a big lie then and she said no it turned into one.

I feel more devastated now than I was when we originally broke up. Now I have to reset NC back to zero and its even harder than it was the first time. I feel completely worthless, like I never mattered one bit. How can she have gone complete 180 on me. I was willing to do anything for her, go to the ends of heaven and earth and she couldn't return the same to me. It hurts and it kills. Why do we go through life wanting love that brings us so much joy only if it brings so much pain when it comes to an end? I am in complete turmoil right now, and don't know where to begin in picking up the pieces! I feel like my life has crumbled around me and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Thank you for the help so far. I think I need it more than ever!

Honestly man, it sounds weird to say in this situation, but I think you're taking it too personally. When you first get in a relationship, all kinds of chemicals are pumping through your body. Those chemicals amplify the feelings you'll have, and they usually keep going for the first 6-12 months, until your body eventually builds up enough tolerance that the effect isn't as strong. A lot of times, people end up in longer relationships that weren't meant to work because of that. When you two were apart, she had time to sort of come down from all of the emotions in her head and think more clearly. She may have realized that she wasn't ready to settle down, or to stay with you. But it sounds more like she is just going in a different direction with her life. I honestly wouldn't take it to mean that you're not a valuable person, because I'm sure you are. Don't let the end of this relationship define how you view yourself, because it's not related. Her breaking up with you isn't a reflection of who you are, it's just a reflection of who she is. Try really hard to remember that when you're feeling down.

And I'm sorry to hear about how much pain it's causing you, because I think you had serious feelings for her. But it also sounds like you're idealizing her as well. I understand, because that happens when you care deeply for someone, but at the same time, it's giving you a skewed view. Obviously, I don't know much about her other than she's a party girl who smokes and drinks and sounds like a typical 20 year old. But I can assure you, there are other girls out there that will make a good fit for you. And I don't think you could avoid meeting them if you tried. Just take this time to keep getting yourself together. Keep exercising, keep working on your goals, and the rest of the pieces will fall into place. Also, it's normal to be insanely curious about her and what she's doing, but every time you check up on her you're just going to prolong your pain. It's unrealistic to say that you should never look into her again, but just keep in mind that every time you do you're going to re-open an old wound again, and you should really avoid it if you can.

So I have done a lot of thinking today since talking to her last night. I know I love her and miss her desperately. Obviously something in her mind changed about me and I know I can't force her to change her mind back. Now although I broke NC by calling her last night, in a way I'm also glad I had. That's because if I hadn't I would not have found out that she has started doing drugs. I am completely against that as I am going to school to be a pilot and do not need to take risks like that affecting my career.

Now the hard part and the turmoil I'm facing, I know I shouldn't worry about it because she's not my girlfriend anymore, but I'm disheartened to find this out for a few reasons. For one she told me her grades haven't been so good, and she used to be so goal oriented. And secondly she always told me she broke up with her boyfriend prior to me because he had smoked pot all the time, so why now does she let herself get involved in that.

My other question is how long does this feeling of being alone last, I feel completely empty, and even though I hate the fact she's making poor decisions I still miss her and love her and sadly still want her back in my arms and in my life! Will this feeling of missing her and wanting her back in my life subside?

Yes it will. As you rebuild a life without her, it will get better but for now while the wounds are fresh, it will suck. We all go through this after a break up.

really confused today and need some assistance. I've been holding to no contact. And took the initiative to completely block her from fb as seeing her pic kept hurting more and more. Well about an hour after doing this and not having ever had her contact me first, she out of no where texts me. Asking why I blocked her and telling me randomly she fixed her car. Didn't really make sense. Now she was the one that defriended me first, took down pics of us, and changed her profile pic to her and some guy friend. So why would it matter if I block her? And should I take the time to kindly respond to her text to tell her I did it for my own good or let it be and hold strong with NC? I'm torn as to which decision I should go with.

We have all been were you are right now! The alone feeling is so powerful you wonder how your ever going to survive. Its hard to breath just thinking about them, if they maybe with someone. Can't hardly eat because you can't swallow over the lump in your throat.
Yep, we have been there. Most of all were searching for answers when we also found this site. The "NO Contact" are pretty easy to read, and we all comprehend them, but we just play around putting them into place. Why, because they may call, or contact us on Facebook, or whatever other excuse we come up with. And boy do we come up with those excuses!! Then we go from being the ex boyfriend/girlfriend to being the parent, so consummed with how are they doing, are they doing something stupid,etc.
Listen, Your going through a loss, and you need time to mourn that loss. But you don't stop living your life, go out with friends, try to do something you have never done, heck I would suggest sky diving, but your going to be a pilot,so that probably doesn't hold any appeal!! Try a new sport, I hear snail races are very exciting (LOL)! Stick to your guns, no contact, its hard but you if your going to be a pilot you better have those make a decision stick to it abilities. Start answering post on this site, helping others will also help you. Good luck

Leave her alone.
She will get the message.
NC is for you not her.

Make no decision accept stick with NO CONTACT. Even when she contacts YOU, for whatever reason. As you see, any contact from her will only start the wondering why she is doing it thing to start all over again.

If you had clear thinking you would know already it was but a reaction to what you did on Facebook. Can you block her from texting, then do so. Hurts but better than being confused, or filled with false hope.

So I've been sticking with no contact, I'm out doing things, focusing on work and trying to make myself happier and better. Yet I continue to have this feeling of anxiety and often feel like I did something wrong, even though I know I didn't. I've been out with friends heard many encouraging words and sometime feel great, but then any time I'm alone for a while my mind constantly drifts back to her. After all I've been through I shouldn't want to think about her, I should be able to let it go, shouldn't I? I hate always thinking about what we could have been and all the things I still wanted to do with her, I try to combat these feelings, keep myself busy, sleep, but everything is only a temporary solution and my mind wanders back to her, making the urge to break NC that much harder. But I'm determined to hold strong. Will my mind always drift back to her because of how much I love/loved her?

It will for a while, but as time passes it will get less and less

No it won't allows be this way, just until the healing process has enough new memories and concerns to push aside the old feelings and attachments, and that takes time for us all.

The old feelings are still fresh is all and healing is a slow process.

All those things you feel are normal after breaking up with someone you really care about. You feel lost, fear, upset, anxious, lonely, worthless. You want to call her and contact her most of the time. You keep visiting the past, analyse it, and hope you can change it. You just can't even accpet the breakup and can't imagine life without her. You even want to cry out and wonder how can you survive.

It's the way I used to feel and I think it's the way most people feel when facing with this situation. I can't tell you when it will go away, when will you totally heal, and be happy again. It takes time and it varies from one to another. It may take months or even a year, I just can't tell you.

What I can tell you is ACCEPT THAT IT'S OVER. It's normal to think about her, to still feel so painful, to still wants to break NC, and feel so upset. But please stay focus on the fact that she no longer wants to be in the relationship with you and how can you be happy if you have to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Sometimes feelings change and there's nothing we can do to change or force someone to be the same person we want them to be.

GO NC for your own healing, of course you will still feel the pain and will still think about it, but STAY STRONG, DON'T GIVE UP, TRY TO FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE, AND DO WHATEVER ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY (ANYTHING THAT'S NOT RELATED TO HER ). When you think about her, try to divert your minds and do something else. It won't go away in a month or two, but always stay positive and focus on you. It will get better and better and it will fade away when time goes by.

Sorry to hear about your loss bro. Like everyone else though I'm going to tell you NC was the way to go. I don't exactly know why, but most ex gf's around our age do the random text/fb msg/phone call. Got to ignore them, and re teach yourself that at this point what she does is irrelevant. And stick with NC for a while, I'm telling you from experience you make it harder if you don't take the time to heal properly.

Thanks original! Always reassuring to hear from someone who's experienced it and can vouch that it works, even if it does take time. Been doing a lot of things for myself. Kind of proud of myself today I was able to get out and run a 5k after not having run in like 3 years and was still able to complete it around 25 minutes. So that's been my big confidence boost for the day. Well that and the awesome girl I met today who ran with me. :)

Im not sure if I have mentioned this yet or not, but lately the anxiety I'm going through seems to keep getting worse. The only thing I can think to compare it too would be like a smoker who tries to quit but constantly feels the urge to smoke again. Is this normal? Every day that I have a high/or good mood it always seems to be followed by a really low and lousy day, simply because I start getting sad that I didn't get to share my good day with her like I used to. I'm going on 2 weeks of NC but Friday is what would be our 2 year anniversary and frankly I'm nervous about what kind of emotional wreck I might become. I'm even more nervous about it because it's the last weekend I could get off work to visit home before peak season and I'm visiting friends at our school. I'm not telling her I'm coming, not planning on seeing her, but I really don't know what will happen if I see her. I haven't seen her in about 2 months since before she broke up with me. Id like to think I've made a lot of progess and somedays really don't think about her at all, if not a passing thought. I don't know maybe I shouldn't go home, as much as I want to be, I know I'm not over her, and she's been so cold and done some harsh things since the break up, so I know I should have a fairly easy time letting go, but I haven't.

Sorry guess I'm kind of venting my worries in this one. Hope that's OK, any suggestions on what to do if I see her would be helpful? I know to be civil but other than that I'm at a loss.

What you are feeling is normal, it will take time. You can make an appointment with a counselor or someone from Church or what ever religious institution you my belong to, Just to talk to someone to help sort through your feelings give you some tools to get past this.
I hope you have ceased keeping up with what she does where she goes who she talks to.
If you see her, speak if she speaks to you but don't carry on a conversation and don't go out of your way to see her.
Are you keeping busy doing other things?

Hopefully ill be doing that next week. I've been looking through various support groups at the local church near me and I think that would help a lot.
Yes, I no longer know anything about who she is with or where she has been. Inside it hurts not knowing those things but I'm understanding its better for me not to know those things. Ive been trying to keep busy, I bike ride regularly have a few friends where I'm at who I see maybe once or twice a week and I'm talking with friends back home fairly regularly, and hopefully ill be taking up a bartending class soon. Like I said though keep busy is great, it's the dreams/nightmares that don't seem to stop and the days after I've had a good day and can't share my good news with her that I start to feel down again. We broke up over a month ago now but I still feel this constant need to share things with her, I used to share everything with her and now to have broken that off gives me this feeling of always have a weight on my chest.

I understand, but it is normal. Those times will be fewer and further in between.
In the meantime when you need to vent, we are here.

My ex and I have been broken up for over a year, of course I didn't put the No contact rules in place until couple of months ago. He would still send emails, trying to use me as his other option. Any way I still think about him, but I can also say that its getting easier.

Wow even after a year its just starting to get easier. I've never sent emails to make her feel like an option, more so to show her she's all I want and need... maybe that's what I shouldn't have done never emailed in the first place. Guess its too late now and ill never know.

Thank you homegirl. I am glad I found this site as a place to vent, everyone here as been very helpful.

You keep hoping that she should let you know, she should talk to you, she should at least try to work things out with you before making final decision to end it. You feel it's totally unfair to you. Yeah... maybe it's the best if people treat each other with more respect and give us a chance. But in the real world, it just doesn't work that way.

What I'm trying to say here is that she is who she is and her mind doesn't work the same way as you. In many cases, when you lost feelings towards someone for whatever reasons, it means you just don't love and don't want to be with them anymore. You start feeling it one day and day by day the feelings grow stronger. In this case, are you going to try to work things out with them when the feelings just not there anymore? Yeah some people might try to talk and communicate, but most people (including your ex) might only focus on finding a way to escape and break it off with you. Yeah... it's not fair, right? But what can you do about it to change their minds or the way they deal with the situation?

She made it so clear that she no longer wants you. But so what? Don't take it personally as sometimes people just want different things in life and change their minds. Only she doesn't want you to be a part of her life anymore, it does not make you a loser or make you any less at all. I feel the same way, I used to think that "OMG I love this guy so much I give him everything, why didn't he value it and dumped me and not even treated me right?" Then I just came to the conclusion that there's nothing I can do to make anyone feel or not feel certain things. Therefore, if your ex doesn't see, cherish, and appreciate the person you are, it'd better just to let her go so that you can find someone who does in the future. This is what I believe as well. It's useless and hurt to want someone who doesn't want you or someone who's not able to love you as much as you love them.

You shouldn't just jumping and reacting by contacting her every time there's something happening: see her text, see the missing albums, see her emails, see her missed calls, see her calls, or whatever. Why do you still care anyway? I know you do still care and that's why you did what you did. But when we tell you to do NC and focus on living your life happily, it's in order to help you moving on without her in your life. Please make sure you understand clearly why NC is needed. And if you agreed to do it, please try to stick to it as much as you can. I think you know how it feels after breaking NC for several times now.

This is how I do NC:
1) I changed all numbers he ever knew: mobile, home, cell, whatever I can think of (so no way I can see his calls and texts). I also didn't let mutual friends knew my new numbers as well.
2) Blocking --- All Emails, FB, MSN, all social networks that has him. I blocked all mutual friends as well. Luckily that they are not close friends of mine so I don't have to care.
3) I deleted all photos, emails, sms, messages, that I sent to him and that he sent me. Hundreds of them all gone.
4) I dumped all his stuffs he gave in the bin. I dumped whatever that reminded me of him.
5) I never go to places I think I might accidentally meet him.
6) I evaluated any other possibilities that might make me and him come across in the future and I do my best to make sure it never going to happen.

I spent about two weeks until I finished doing all the above but I went NC since day one he broke up with me and I never break it. And when it's all done, I just couldn't believe myself and all those things I did automatically kept me away from him up until now. It's about 6 months since my breakup in April and NC's not my issue anymore. I know it sounds such an extreme measure but I just get enough (of hurt and pain). Loving him was not even relevant after being used, being lied to, being treated like craps more of the time and finally being dumped in the most disgusting way.

Finally, I can tell you one thing "She's not the only one you are going to love". There's nothing to be ashamed of that someone just doesn't feel the same way you do. Being rejected is normal and you have to learn to deal with the pain.

thank you wonderlife, you summed up a lot of what I've been feeling. I know I can't change her mind,and I guess trying to work things out with her would be pointless because she has clearly lost all feelings. It would be a one sided relationship and id probably end up more unhappy than I am currently.

a friend told me something this weekend that made a lot of sense. I know I love her and I know I wanted to be happy with her, but my friend pointed out at this point it's the routine I miss. And in a way I think he's right, she was smart and beautiful and made me feel special, but I miss the routine, having someone to call in the morning at night, someone to love, the security in knowing one person thought I was special enough to love.

I'm sorry to hear your ex didn't treat you right. No one deserves to go through that.

I do understand the reasons for NC and have learned from my breaks in it how important it is to my healing. Each day that goes by with out contact gets a little bit easier. I wish I knew why I still care when I hear from her or something about her, I know its very clear she has moved on already and I should let go and I'm really trying to. I've re connected with old friends, made a few new friends and trying to keep myself busy as much as I can. Its still those small moments when I'm alone, or before I go to bed and wake up when I think about her and wonder if she still thinks about me. I know I shouldn't have those thoughts and know those are the ones that are holding me from really moving on, but those are the hardest thoughts to get through.

thank you for your tips on getting though NC. Most of the steps on your list I have done already, haven't changed my phone number yet as I don't know if I can do something that drastic yet, and all of the things I have from her I've only thrown in a box and returned to my parents house to put it in the basement, so its out of my place but not gone completely.

I am sick of the hurt and pain I'm going through. I know she's not my last love as I've gone through relationships and break ups before, and those I got over in a few weeks. This one is hurting more I think because of how much I genuinely cared for her. I think I'm getting better as I'm able to find joy in new things and old things that used to make me happy. Thank you again to you and everyone else on this site who has offered plenty of helpful advice.

one thing to add, I haven't broken no contact and coming home from my internship this weekend and being around friends was helpful, but difficult at the same time being in such proximity to her even though I didn't see her. But I was really torn on Friday which would have been our two year anniversary, and she decided to text me and tell me she was sorry we couldn't be together for it and hoped I was doing well. This hurt more as I later had to walk by her window to get where I was going and could see that she was with someone else. So that was frustating in knowing she could be with someone else and tell me she's sorry. Seemed arrogant and annoying to me. I did my best not to let it phase me, and did not respond or break NC so for that I am happy, and thankful my friends were there to cheer me up and tell me the value I have.

How long has it taken anyone else on here to feel like going out with someone again? The thought of dating just makes me sick to my stomach, I know its needed and will probably help my feelings of loneliness, but I just don't think I can bring myself to do it because I still have such strong feelings for my ex.

You can have fun with friends or family until you are ready to date, and you can start anytime.

When I asked “Why do you still care anyway?” I really wish you can just don't care about it as if it never really affects you, so there's no more feelings of hurt, pain, lost, and doubts.

As dumpees, I feel that we should be able to get over it, just don't care, and move on in a short period. We should not spend lot of months or even a year or more wasting time in our life trapping with someone who left us, keep regretting, hurting, crying, thinking, and lost our directions in life.

However, feelings, especially strong ones, are not something we can switch on and off in a minute. It's normally a slow process that we have to feel the pain, deal with it, and move on. Therefore, don't blame yourself or beat yourself up for still thinking about her and still care for her. Also don't push yourself too hard that you have to forget her and the pain must go away in a specific time. Please take your time and realize that it's a slow process and all feelings (of hurt, missing her, lost, and upset) are normal. Anyway, you should know that it's not good to dwell or obsess on these negative feelings. That's why when the thoughts about her come up, you should divert your thoughts by doing other things that make your life goes on in a positive and active way (working, reading, exercise, study, travel, be with your love ones, and else). It's OK to think about it sometimes but it's neither OK nor healthy to dwell on it most of the time. Even you still feel the pain and still think of her, continue living your life. I can't tell you when the pain and the blue feelings will go away or when you will totally get over her, please take it day by day and try not to worry too much about when it will go away or why you still hurt. By sticking on NC and focus on living your own life, the time will come when you feel a lot better than you do right now.

Regarding NC, I don't think you have to follow exactly what I did as our situations are not exactly the same. I should call my extreme measures as “the ways to totally get rid of someone out of your life” This is what I chose to do with my ex.

But again, NC still means NO CONTACT. I hope you remain strong enough to IGNORE whenever you hear or see anything from her. I agree that it's a good feeling to know that someone loves us and we are special to be loved. Anyway, that's not something you can always hold on or rely on as things always unexpectedly change. That's why you have to love yourself and always value yourself with or without a girlfriend in your life. Also, you have lot of friends and family who love you and always be on your side. Please don't forget that love is all around and it doesn't have to be confined only in romantic term.

Normally when you still have such a strong feeling for your ex, it'd better to be with yourself, heal yourself, and put yourself together before jumping into the next relationship. But I guess there's no harm asking someone out for casual dating and see how it goes. Only you who knows best when you are ready, no need to rush things I think.

how long has it taken anyone else on here to feel like going out with someone again? the thought of dating just makes me sick to my stomach, i know its needed and will probably help my feelings of loneliness, but i just dont think i can bring myself to do it bc i still have such strong feelings for my ex.

Don't do it if you don't want to. No one's forcing you.

When your ready you will know. Why put that pressure on yourself.

Enjoy life. You're a single guy again... :D

The last thing you need now is to replace the hole in your soul with a romantic interest. It's a lot more fun to rebuild, than rebound on someone else's attention.

Have some good, honest, clean adult fun, and you will heal very well. You will find a big world to explore, and do your own thing in.

I too wish I could not care anymore, and I am beginning to slowly care less and less. Such as seeing the good in the things I'm doing for myself and believing that I still have a positive future ahead of me even if it is without her.

I completely agree that as I look at the situation I do wonder to myself why am I grieving over someone who obviously doesn't care about me. Why do I let myself suffer, its obvious they don't suffer after a break up so why do we? To motivate myself lately I keep telling myself that I know I did everything right I have nothing to regret in the relationship and if she can't accept how much I cared than it is truly her loss, and comfort myself by knowing that no one will ever love her as much as I did/do (whether its actually true or not)

If anyone finds the switch to turn off emotions about people or events that take place in our life they need to publish it in a book. I know its slow and it sucks how slow it is, I'm very glad I found this site to help get my feelings off my chest as many others have. I continually try to keep myself busy when thoughts of her come up... the hard part I'm having with that is the fact that I'm living 8 hours away from all my close friends and living on my own. Day by day and bit by bit I'm continuing to live my life and see good things I still have going for me and that's starting to bring my confidence back up.

I wouldn't call your measures of NC completely extreme most of them are normal reactions and probably close recommendations that most would make in order to achieve quick and faster healing and I do think the steps you took are good ones to heal fully and faster.

Ive been holding strong to NC, it got difficult this weekend with our two year passing by and her texting me that she was sad not to be with me, but I ignored it and moved through with no problem. I also injured myself goofing around with friends and had to go to the hospital, and when she found out about it through other friends she asked to see me and go to lunch, this time I kindly rejected and said it wouldn't be a good idea. So I guess I broke NC but was proud of myself to find the strength to tell her no, which I hope is still somewhat a step in the right direction.

I agree it is an amazing almost euphoric feeling to know that you have someone who loves you and cares about you, and having lost that is a complete emotion killer and working through the loss is a slow and rough process. I am so thankful for all my friends and family who have been there for me. Its made me realize that although I lost a close love, I still have plenty of people in my life who care about me and my well being and id hate to let them down.

I understand wanting to build myself back up before I consider taking on the emotions of a relationship. I would really like to find a way to get out and at least make some new friends, but like I'm said I'm finding that too be difficult to do as I live by myself in a place where I don't really know any body. I keep telling myself to get over the fear and approach someone, I mean what do I really have to lose hopefully ill get over it soon enough especially if I take this bartending class that I want to.

I know I shouldn't take on a relationship especially since I know I'm not ready, I feel I have to because my ex is getting over me so easy and out all the time. I guess its wrong though to feel like I'm competeing with her and her relations especially because more than likely they are rebounds that will fail anyway and I don't want to hurt someone else in that way. When the time is right I know I want to meet someone who cares about me as much as I do them.

I'm curious was I wrong to break NC to tell her I couldn't go to lunch with her, I know I could have just ignored it and said nothing, but at the same time I feel it was stronger of me to decline and make her wonder why I wouldn't want to go.

I'm also still having random periods where I find myself crying about the past, brief moments where she pops into my head and I get washed over with this numb like feeling and I miss her terribly. Even not talking with her I still know I love her more than anyone I've met before, despite what she may be doing since were not together, it stinks to think about but I still want to be with her, still believe she is the one I would truly be happy spending my life. Why do I feel this way though, she gave up on us, and doesn't want to be with me, why do I still care about her and hope she's OK and constantly wish I was still apart of her life? She doesn't want it anymore, so why do I?

Sometimes in the end its only you that is left with heartache.. the other person that hurts you doesn't give a ****, sorry to put it like that. But it's the truth. Some one wise once told me.. if someone hurts you , don't let them rent space in your mind any longer, and when you cath yourself starting to think of them.. think.. this will make me sad yes.. this will put me in a spot or felling that I don't want, they are not worth my time. And I will find someone oneday that deserves me. I have. X

Break ups suck and its very normal to have a difficult time getting it all back together. We make mistakes, fall down, get up, keep going. Its all part of being human.

I agree break ups suck... a lot! And I know I'm not even close to being over the hump to get it back together. I see what your getting at about getting up and moving on. But I don't think I really made a mistake by her... I loved her unconditionally, cared for her like nothing else mattered, and supported her through all of her decisions, and from what I saw she did all the same for me. I'm not trying to contradict what your saying by any means and I do understand your point, its an essential part of life, getting back up when were down.
Everyone here has been very helpful and I can't say thank you enough. I have so many thoughts running through my head and I'm trying to sort them all out one day at a time.

Focus on you. Clearly she doesn't care about you. So try not to think about her and every time you start to think of her.. stop.

Acceptance is so important. This is not about you have to do something wrong or she has to be a bad person. You might, in actual, care for her a lot, treat her right, always be by her side, and devote 100% in this relationship. She might also used to be so good to you or even now she might still care and think about you as a good friend. But the fact is that she no longer wants to be in the relationship with you. You two broke up already.

You seem to still dwell on the past and try to figure things out. Again, as telling you, she migh want something else in life, her feelings might have changed, or she might find someone else who may not as good as you in terms of love and devotion, but for some unexplainable reasons, she fell so hard for him. You will never know exactly why. PLEASE DON'T DWELL ON ALL THESE THOUGHTS, wasting time figure out whether it's your false or her false. Accept it as it actually happened is the first step you have to take before you can really move on. You can't change the past.

I know and I believe that you are a good person who truly loves her, but this doesn't mean she has to want to be in the relationship with you forever. Lot of people dumped a really good caring person to find someone else or something else (better or worse it's their own choice in life). It's their decision to move on to other things and you don't have to blame yourself or blame her about it or spending time figure things (in the past) out. It's her choice to give up on the relationship and it's also your choice whether to move on or to dwell on it.

Be strong, it's going to be hard and it takes times as lot of people told you. You might cry, you might think about it, you might feel so upset: it's a process you have to get through. Please just keep fighting all those negativities and hold your head high.

You can CHOOSE to talk to her, or reply to her texts, or even meet her, or try to be friends, or try to win her back, whatever it's your choice. Don't worry that just saying no to her that you couldn't go out to have lunch with her was a big deal. All I can say is that, if you want to heal and successfully move on with your life, keeping in touch with her wouldn't help and it will only delay and make it more difficult for you to get over her.

Comment on awayandalone's post

No you didn't make a mistake by her, she made the mistake by not loving you enough, yes sure when things were good you were feeling equal, but where are things now where is she.. her actions have shown you her true feelings..

Bottom line is this, if she loved you enough or the same she would be with you.. but that's not the case, sometimes people stay because they get comfortable with the way things are, by you moving away and not spending as much time.. her true feelings were shown. Believe me if she truly loved you there would be nothing she wouldn't do to be with you.vice versa right?
I was told once. Girls don't know what they want.. they think they know and when they have it they don't want it. Or don't appreciate it. GIRLS can deny it.. but the truth is.. when we have a bad guy or a guy that cares less about us then we do for them.. we crave for the love and attention and compassion, ANd when we get it the love and attention we need, we usually look for that bad guy someone that doesn't want us so we can prove how good we are and how much we can make them want us. Most girls haven't learnt to appreciate what they have when its good. Therefore losing out on good guys like you! Honest if she comes back to you, awesome.. but I would move on before or if that ever happens because she clearly doesn't feel the same way about you. You shouldn't waste your breath or invest so much time into her when clearly she is not doing the same, I understand these chat things help, but even doing this you are still giving her too much of your time, too much of you. Get you right, get over her and you will be a better stronger person for it.. and pray, I guarantee you will find your true love.. she's not it! Xx Veeva

Thank you all. I start my bartending class next week. So hopefully that will keep me busy for the next three weeks. Ill use that time to try and stay off here and post back after with how I'm doing. All the advice and comments have been super helpful! Thanks!

So I said I wouldn't post for a while but something has been burning in my mind and I feel I need to write it out somewhere for fear of calling her because I know that would end badly and I don't want too. Basically this is things I want to ask her but by writing here I'm hoping I won't.

Why is she letting herself do such stupid ****, smoking pot, drinking regularly, losing focus in school and letting her grades slip? She broke up with her last boyfriend because he was a pot smoker, why let herself become the thing she hated most? Why the F*** did she give up us give up on me... she pushed me to take this internship, I took to progress my future to provide a better future for the both of us, and rather than love me deeply and forever like she always promised she let someone else take my place and gave up. She was the most sweet caring loving individual I had ever met, she was goal oriented, determined to be the best nurse she could be, and now she's another d*** party girl sleeping around with god only knows who. I mean nothing to her anymore, she tells me she cares about me, but that can't be true because the girl that cared about me called to see how I was doing how my day was, now I haven't even received a f***ing thing from her to even see if I'm still alive. I feel like I could fall off the face of the earth and it would never matter to her. She said I was perfect the one for her the man she wanted to spend her nights with and wake up each morning next too, how did I go from being perfect to imperfect in a little over a week with no prior indication that things were going wrong. She cares nothing about me anymore and yet I still want to be with her, I feel like something is wrong with me, we shouldn't want the things that hurt us. No one wanted to be friends with the kid that bullied them in school so why do I want to be with a girl who had my heart in her hands and smashed it to bits without even blinking an eye.
What pisses me off is were told as kids to pursue the things we love most, go after our dreams and live life to the fullest. Well in my opinion she was my dream girl but if I pursue her she'll run and resent me. How come were told to pursue everything in life that we love but not love itself? Instead of trying to win her everyone every one says NC and forget, which I must say after some time now is starting to help I do notice myself thinking about her less and when I do it doesn't hurt as bad, but lets say we don't get a job we want the first time we improve our resume and try again. Or the one thing we've heard over and over again since we were kids IF YOU FALL OFF THE HORSE YOU GET RIGHT BACK UP AND TRY AGAIN! But no where in that saying does it say to find a new horse to ride. I know there are many fish in the sea many singles out there just like me waiting to find that right person, but when we've fallen for a fish that feels so right shouldn't we try to catch it and keep it or do we really throw it back and hope one day it will nibble our line again?
I don't know if I'm making any sense here I feel like I'm just rambling and venting and I in no way intend to offend anyone on here because all the advice I've received has been so helpful. Thank you to everyone who's continued to help and read my posts. Starting bar tending school today and I am so excited for it!

Nice vent. Great actually. But you have to understand, not only did her feelings change about you, they changed about life. I suspect they changed about life, before they changed about you. That's what happens first, we start to see a bigger world with many temptations, and what to experience more. It happens all the time.

We just start to want different things, so we go after them. Usually its about them, and not you. The real test for you is not what happened, but how we cope with it, even if we don't quite understand it. Trust me, you will one day, when its you who have a change in feelings.

Thanks Tal. So I wanted to update because well I've been back and forth with my emotions. A week I ago I started taking my bar tending class and it has been very helpful for my emotions as well as taken my mind off her for the time being. When I'm at the class I'm around fun enjoyable people and when I'm home I'm studying the things I need to know for the class. However, I still find myself thinking about her, not as often as I was a few weeks ago, and when I do sometimes its just a passing thought and other times I just cry for no reason. I find myself missing the caring sound of her voice or the way she used to put this huge smile and run up to hug me when she hadn't seen me in a few days.

I'm doing much better in NC and have refrained from calling, texting, or anything even though lately I've had urges to call her. I think that came from the fact that a week ago today she sent me a message saying she misses me, misses how we used to talk but knows we can't talk because she doesn't want to give me false hope. Then went on to say that she thinks about me all the time and wants to know if I'm OK and happy. Then just said she was happy I started bar tending, not sure how she knew about that, but that's besides the point. I didn't respond to the message and it made me wonder if she doesn't want to give me false hope by talking... then why message me in the first place? I feel like every time I see something from her I'm just taking another step back. Then I wanted to respond and tell her I'm doing fine I'm just unhappy that she isn't with me anymore and that I miss her more than anything, reluctantly I refrained from responding and I'm happy about it. Though now a week has passed since I got that message and I'm starting to think I will never hear from her ever again and that's starting to pull on my emotions because I never wanted to lose her.

I am happy to say once I get going with my day I'm usually able to put a smile on and find something about the day that makes me happy. Its just those small moments where she crosses my mind that I start to feel sad again and I wish I could just make those moments stop. I know I still have a long way to recover from this blow to my heart but I at least think I'm making some progress. Thanks again to everyone.

So sleep is starting to become difficult for me again and I have no idea why. In a way I feel like I'm going through a very violent and depressing withdrawl. I haven't contacted her in a little over 3 weeks now and last heard from her about a week ago. During the day I seem to be doing OK if I'm busy and not thinking about her. However, everyday day before I fall asleep I find her on my mind and I feel trapped like there is nothing I can do to get her off my mind. Then when I finally fall asleep I jump awake from constantly having dreams of her and wake in a cold sweat. Then once I finally wake up in the morning if I've slept it all she continues to be the first thought on my mind. Why is this happening to me? I still miss her so much and I still want nothing more than to have her back in my life. Its driving me mad. I'm starting to eat more regularly again but I'm sure its still not a healthy amount.
I can't fight this feeling that I never should have taken this internship I should have stayed with her at school for another year and tried for the internship the year after. But then I think if I didn't take it id regret not doing it as well. I just want to be happy again, not in sparadic moments, but truly happy all the time like I used to be when I was with her. Any thoughts our comments would be appreciated! Thanks

There are a few things you can do to relieve your stress. Are you exercising? It relaxes your mind and body, and it's an outlet for negative emotions. It will also increase your self-esteem and self-worth by knowing you are doing something good for yourself. I think it's especially beneficial if you find an exercise you enjoy, as having fun is important to your healing process.

Melatonin can help you sleep better. You can buy this supplement over the counter at health food stores, drugstores, or on-line. I've used it a few times, just for the short-term, when I've had trouble sleeping. I find that it relaxes me enough that I can go to sleep and stay asleep.

You could try yoga or meditation to relieve your stress. Simple breathing exercises will also help. Deep breathing exercises work. Practice this once or twice a day, trying to be consistent in your times, and not when you are sleepy. Sit comfortably with your back straight, with one hand on your chest and the other hand on your abdomen. Breathe deeply from your abdomen - Breathe in through your nose. The hand on your chest should barely move, while the hand on your abdomen will rise. Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can and contracting your abdominal muscles. You only need to do this for a few minutes once or twice a day to make a difference.

One of the things that helped me a lot when I had trouble sleeping was progressive muscle relaxation. I used this for the times I woke up, as you described when you said you woke up with a jolt. You can do this while still lying down in bed. Take a few minutes to relax, breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths. Start with one foot. Slowly tense the foot, squeezing as tightly as you can to a count of ten. Relax the foot, concentrating on the tension flowing away and the feeling of relaxation in the foot. Stay in this relaxed mode for a moment, and then switch to the other foot. You continue this up your legs one at a time, first the calf muscles and then the thigh muscles. Continue the process up your body: butt, abdomen, hands, arms, chest, neck and face. Don't rush it. By the time you are done, you will be amazed at how much better you feel. For me, it almost always worked to calm me enough to go to sleep. If it didn't, I did the process a second time.

The biggest thing that will help is time. It isn't surprising that you are having difficulty after three weeks. It will get better.

You will have bad days, and good days, and its very normal for fear, and doubt to creep into your thinking, but it fades if you don't dwell on it.

Feelings are like the weather, subject to change with conditions. You don't question the rain, just hope it stops soon, so the sun can come out. So it is with your feelings, they will rise again, but the whole point in the process, is learning to cope with your negative feelings in positive ways so you don't get stuck on them.

Your negative feelings are still very fresh, and makes weird dreams that much more dominant, but you will adjust, its only been a few weeks, and a week since last contact. It will get better. Doesn't matter if it's a break up, death of a close family member, or the dog running away, there are plenty of tests to your coping skills in life, so this is but one of many. You will survive, no matter what life throws at you.

Just looking:
Thank you for your advice. I'm actually going on a little over 2 months since we broke up its just been 3 full weeks now I've sustained NC and one week since she last messaged me.
Ive been working out and that has helped a lot, lost some weight and am really starting to get in shape again which is really helping my confidence and I definitely went and bought melatonin about a week or so after she broke up with me. I guess the sleeping troubles are coming back because I stopped using it for a while and wanted to try sleeping without but ill probably use it again.

I've always heard breathing exercises help but I've never known a defined way to do it properly so I will give your suggestion a try and try to make it a part of my daily routine. I've never heard of muscle relaxing either but I see your point and see how that can be helpful ill give that a try as well. Hopefully the combination of those exercises and melatonin will help me sleep better.

Tal as always thank you, your words are always encouraging and good to hear. Some days I find myself coping better than others and on the bad days I've been trying to encourage myself to know that I've had good days before and ill have good days again and that usually helps.

I am curious though, is feeling sad because I may never hear from her again something that will prevent me from moving forwards? I know dwelling on the fact that I may not hear from her is unhealthy but if its only once in a while is that a bad thing? I still can't stand the thought that after all the time we spent together, all the good and some bad times, I feel like I've just been forgetten and never really mattered. I guess it would be nice to know that I mattered enough for her to still about me and if she does that she at least smiles at the thought of our memories.

You make the same mistakes through inexperience that we all do. You are not looking deep enough, and exploring the unknown world of YOU!! Its easy to put your ex as the face of sadness right now because its fresh. That's human, and normal when you are young (and old for that matter, just because it's the easiest route to go) and the point is to develop a coping strategy that's both challenging to make you focus, and rewarding to make you feel better.

Exercise is action, on the physical level, that promotes well being through gradual strengthening, but the mind has to be exercised also, to promote well being through accomplishment, and hope. Accomplishing even the smallest task leads to accomplishing even more, and in this way we move forward, within ourselves and forward in our lives. Its called getting busy, and building a life that you enjoy that makes you happy. You are happy because you have things to look forward to, and the excitement of anticipation makes it hard to even feel bad.

The next time the ex pops in your head, focus on a small task, or an exercise, and then do it. Its awkward at first but stick to it, and modify it to fit your needs and within a week through repetition, you have a coping strategy. Even better is making a list of things to do, both long, and short term, simple or complicated, that you can work at, and go back to when you need to change the focus of your mind from the past, to the present.

To do any of this, you must explore yourself, and know what makes you feel good, and what does not. You must experiment, and try things, keeping the god, and discarding what's not so good. Now some people do this easily, some have to work at it, but we all learn things we didn't know about ourselves and work to change what we don't like about us, and build on what we do like.

Progress and growth will have you full of confidence and self esteem, and sitting on the pity pot dwelling on what was, is a perfect waste of time that will produce anger, jealousy, doubts and regrets, and plenty of pent up feelings called resentments. Guess which one has the more rewards to it. A simple choice.

Ask yourself would it be better to love yourself, and do good things for yourself, and others, or be forever jealous and angry over not having what you want, when you want it?

Again a choice, and again, at least to me, a very simple one. So make a decision, based on facts and not just feelings, and get busy. Open the mind to see possibilities (options and opportunities) to grow, and focus on chasing them, not what you lost yesterday, and BREATH!!

I agree so much on getting busy and accomplishing new things. This week I'm finishing up my bar class and I know its going to feel so good to do so. But I feel with that and the other few accomplishments I've made over the past 2 months I still feel low for not sharing my accomplishments with her as I used to. It feels great to do new things and with each new accomplishment I think of her less and less but in the back of my mind she still lingers.

its funny you mentioned the list tal, that was exactly what I did once I noticed myself dwelling on her so much. I made a list of small things to do anytime she starts to come into my mind and it has really helped.

though today I feel like everythings been reset again. Today is 2 months since we broke up. I've been NC for 3 or 4 weeks. She message me two weeks ago saying she misses me but doesn't want to talk and give me false hope. Well now today she randomly message me again saying she had some drink that tasted like something me and her made once. This simple but pointless message seems to have brought back every feeling I have for her. I start to feel like I'm doing better and moving on and then something like this happens. A part of me wants to be civil and respond in hopes that might bring us back together, but my friends and I feel every here will tell me to delete it continue NC and block her from my mind. I really want her back but I've also done a lot of thinking about all the things she did wrong by me. Hopefully this is one of those hurdles to get over and recover.

When I read some of the posts here I feel so sad and desperate for the poster. You can feel it physically when you read them, how their words are full of pain and desperation. Sometimes you can tell people aren't ready to move on, they would like to, but they would rather try to get their ex back.

And sometimes, I read posts like yours, that give me hope.

I was a complete mess when I came here, not so long ago. The gym, the list, all this sounds so familiar. I don't feel sad when I read how you are moving on because I can tell you are on the right way. Breaking NC happens, crying at home, staying in bed happens. Wanting to act like adults and talking to them only leads to more pain.

Ex-boyfriends and girlfriends always come back for different reasons. They check on you every once in a while, to "see what you're doing." They don't realize how much it hurts and how hard it is already to move on, even without talking to them. They look great, they sound great, they can be full of promises, or just plain mean. They are selfish and they don't care.

You are on the right way away, be selfish. Make yourself the center of your life. The sadness goes away, it really does. Don't be desperate nothing is lost, you're going to be okay... you will delete the messages eventually, and block her. You have the strength, it just takes time to prove it to yourself. Be confident. Good luck!

Delete it, continue NC, and block her from your mind. This is just one of those hurdles to get over and recover. You said it so well that I just thought I'd repeat it. :)

Keep up the good work. It keeps getting easier and easier. That doesn't mean you won't think of her again, but over time you will think of her less and you will find other things (including other women) more interesting. You'll have dreams sometimes and things will remind you of her. Eventually, it won't bother you as much.

Congratulations on finishing your bar class. I guess I don't have to mention that you'll meet a lot of women through bartending, when the time is right.

Its great to hear from someone that the process does actually work! Thanks for the encouragement!

I must say deep down I agree deleting, ignoring it, and forgetting it would be best. How do I fight the feeling though that if I'm civil and respond it may help things. Not really sure how because it's a pointless message but I have this burning feeling right now that I should simply respond. I still don't want to lose her forever from my life. I hate the fact that I still have so much love for this girl and my emotions are on a wild rollercoaster I just want to get off. Sorry I probably sound stubbourn and stupid. I know I've made some progress and taken the time to see what was negative about our relationship but even through that I still seem to have strong feelings for her. :/

Dude, many of us here were the heartbroken ones and we WILL grow better. Regardless, I am still on NC for 4 months now but I am breaking it in a week or so to call my ex to get my stuff back and there and then the NC hopefully shall be on long term basis.

i must say deep down i agree deleting, ignoring it, and forgetting it would be best. .... i hate the fact that i still have so much love for this girl and my emotions are on a wild rollercoaster i just want to get off of.....

We've all been there... In some way.

Ive been NC with my ex for 5 months now. Its still hard but gets better every day. My heart still has hope that we'll get back together, but, my head knows the truth, as I'm sure does yours, or you wouldn't be here posting to avoid contacting her.

The only thing that helped me was that I changed my phone number and deleted my email address. If I hadn't done that then I certainly would have made contact before now.

What she does, think or even feel should not concern you anymore. I know its hard to let go but you must. You need to get off the rollercoaster and, believe me, it's a nice place being on solid ground for a change.

Good Luck :)

SOO CONFUSED ABOUT HER RECENT MESSAGE:

EX:
So I know you have not messaged me back.. but I feel like I need to get this off my chest before I quit buggin you...

I am sorry that I just left you when I think you may have needed me. I think you are doing better with out me though and I am happy for you and that. I wanted to ask you how your shoulder was? Also, what I am really messaging you for... I wanted to say that I am sorry.. I am sorry for not really giving you much reason for breaking up.. now I am looking back wondering why I did this because I know you were a sure thing. I love you with all my heart and care so much about you. I know you were a great guy and really the right guy for me. I know now it's a little too late to even attempt to be with you, i really wish i had talked with you more before i made the decision to end it. My life is good just miss it the way things were some times. Guess I just got a lot going on right now in my head and in life and I felt like you're the only one I want to tell some of this to.. but I won't go into any detail because really I wouldn't be surprised if you just deleted this and did not read it.. sorry just being a little emotional I guess.. last thing.. Have an awesome birthday I will prob text you on your birthday. Okay I am sorry for bugging you, just have not heard from you in a while.
Have a good... life if you decide to not respond. (not expecting you to.)

So I've highligthed the parts that stand out to me. I got from this that she missed me and sounds like she wants to fix things but she isn't sure. Well a few hours later I was sleeping and my phone went off, not looking at the number I just answered it and to my surprise it was her. We talked for 2 hours. She was very sweet and sounded so sincere it kind of broke my heart a bit to hear her voice again. But I did my best to maintain being happy. At first we simply talked about school and life went with the flow of the conversation. Then she started to talk about our relationship and basically restate what she had said in her message.
She cried and apologized over and over but said it can't work because something had happened. First she told me that one of my roommates who I thought was my best friend had made a statement to break up with me for his own benefit. But she insisted and pleaded that was not why she broke up with me and she would never do anything to betray me like that. And then to my surprise this was not the thing that had happened. She said it was something else but was afraid to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me more than I already am hurt. Turns out she met some guy the day after we broke up and about 3 weeks later she hooked up with him so it was blow after blow. The friend thing actually bothered me more than her hooking up because well she's been with guys before and she is single so I understand can't be mad at her for having fun. It only slightly hurt more because she had mentioned before she wanted to focus on herself and school and wouldn't do anything until after she was over me, well clearly by her message and phone call she doesn't seem to be over me and seems more confused than anything. Basically I got the feeling shed consider reconciling but I feel she is just being stubborn.
Had I been awake I would have never answered her call and would continue to ignore her messages as I have been doing. Now I feel I've inadvertently broken NC and having my suspisions about her being with another guy confirmed I'm afraid to fall asleep because of the nightmares I know that are going to follow. This has just made me want her all over again, and given me some small hope again that if she can see past her stubbornness about being with a guy and stating she regrets it we could work things out. Would also be so much easier if I was home.
This all sucks and I feel like at this point I'm losing all my progress and might as well start this thread over from day one. I'm so confused right now about what she is trying to get out of me by doing this. Friends at work tell me she's toying with me to try and get me to drop my internship and run back to her but since our break up I am so much more confident about finishing it out I know I could never do that.

Any thoughts or comments would be really appreciated. Thank you everyone. *sigh*

I think she's a selfish *****.

Telling you all that only made her feel good. Now she's decided she misses you, you were right for her blah, blah, blah.

If you were right for her you would be together and she would NEVER have left you. If you were right for her she would have been begging to get your *** back.

She's snapping her fingers too see if you'll go running... will you?

Ha I agree that it should not concern me anymore. If you have the time please read my recent post. The roller coaster just got really violent and I hope it passes!

Hell no I won't go running and give up all I've accomplished so far. But at the same time her missing me in this way is kind of what I've wanted. If she asked me back id think for a day but ultimately id probably say yes and give it a shot. I know dumb!

As you already said "sounds like she wants to fix things but she isnt sure"

If she's not sure now, she wasn't sure then, when will she be sure?

I usually don't have to ponder for long if I want to be with someone because I already know, as do most people.

You know don't you, that you want to be with HER?

But she's not sure and your waiting until she is... Not good man. She will never be sure.

She said you're the "sure thing" i.e. she knows she can snap her fingers and you'll go running. Funnily enough you've just admitted that that's probably what will happen.

Your on the rollercoaster by choice now. What are you going to do?

Man I feel you what you are going through and you came at the right place to , to throw up with is in your chest, first be proud of yourself for a lot of things , you are perfect as playing good part of being amzing boy friend , who really listen and share ideas and thoughs and information with his girl, and you did listen to her and her support too , but you have to know something , women they are always will not be completed , man me also I'm going through break up relationship that really hurted me a lot, so man all I'm trying to say is be proud of yoruself , until now I don't know why she want to break up with you that easliy , and trust me she didn't deleate the email you wrote to her , I mean it's obevious stupid fake lie, I hate partying girls , and I agree with your friends what they told you that she talks with another guy , she looks to me the type girls who fall in love with guys for period time and then break up with them , so I guess you was the victim for her fake love, man seriously the only quesiton I'm asking myself is , every time I get in to inside this website all I see is guys hurted just like us , what woman wants from us I don't know , if we just jump in front of train for them just to show them how much we love them is not enough for them , if we take off our heart for them , and give them in to their hands , it's not enough , what the **** they want? seriously I'm confused and lost man, I would say if it's your annvirsty is getting closer for you guys ,this the moment of truth, go to her but man it's going to hurts like pain in the *** , I would say write down in paper a perfect words , and ask her why she break up with you , is it I'm not good enough for you , what do you want me to do for you , so I can proof for you, what did I went wrong, don't tell her that you heard rumores that she talks with another guy and stuff like that , let her tell you what she got to say , ask her every thing inside your mind , man I think girls when they know they are wrong and you ask them serious quesitons like that , they always cry, don't get soft about that part, keep asking her , you have to stay tough are you listning stay tuff like rock be iron man , if she said to you wrong stuff , man tell her I was there for you , if her conversation went wrong , and tell you negative things , like I left you for another guy at that time , tell her what goes around come back around , and you the type girls who takes good guys heart and then leave them, you will never find a guy like me giving up his life for you, prepare a speech for her , I really want you to find out what reason she left man , I know the stuff she going to say it's going to be pian for you , but man be iron please , don't fall for her words, this your time to take revange and have to know what is going on , **** what your friends told you , I want you to find out from her mouth all the truth why in the world she left , oki, and I'm waiting the updates from you man.

Oh my god my face just hit into a big fat wall of text!! :eek:

Gara please use paragraphs, I'm old, I need all the help I can get with reading.

I work nights right now and this whole thing has compltelely emotionally drained me and I feel so tired.

Gara:
The things in the message about her being with another guy did come from her. My friend wanted her to break up with me so he oculd have a chance at her, which I was always suspicious of but never actually thought he would try anything.

Then separately was a different guy she had met through one of her girlfriends after we broke up and ended up with him. She claimed she regrets it though but that is probably to make me feel better.

Kaka:
I know its sad that if given the chance I would want to take her bad. But I am a believer that people are worthy of a second chance, especially in times of weakness, I'm not saying she is weak, but I believe the combination of dealing with missing me while I'm away, all of her school work, and other family pressures her mom put on her combined to make her believe this was the right choice and now she isn't second guessing it because I was the one bit of stability she had in her life and then I was gone.
I don't expect her to ask me back today, tomorrow, or even in the next month, and if it ever does happen id hope I have continued to heal and think it would take a lot of thought and consideration for me to truly consider taking her back. To see her say everything about making the wrong choice to me is the most confusing because she has always been one to stand by her decisions and rarely to never go back on something. So that's why for her to even say any of that gives me some hope they she may truly believe she made a poor choice. But I know I can't chase her as that will only push her away more.

Well, that was expected.
I honestly think you'd still answer her call if you were fully awake. She already wrote to you and you didn't answer, so she calls you. Boundaries, right?

I totally agree with kaka here, she IS a selfish *****. (I'd write it in caps too if I could.)


I know its sad that if given the chance I would want to take her bad. But I am a believer that people are worthy of a second chance,
Of course, you should give people second chances... when they deserve it. What has she done to deserve a second chance? Contacting you? Sounds like a "huge" proof of courage and love...


i was the one bit of stability she had in her life and then I was gone.
So she wants the stability back, even if it means she could change her mind again tomorrow and turn your life upside down. She just wants something, and she wants it quick.

Should I ask what she wanted when she hooked up with that guy? Oh wait, you answered it, you can't be mad at her for "wanting to have some fun"... while you were trying to do what grown-ups do, deal with problems.


to see her say everything about making the wrong choice to me is the most confusing because she has always been one to stand by her decisions and rarely to never go back on something. So that's why for her to even say any of that gives me some hope they she may truly believe she made a poor choice. But I know i can't chase her as that will only push her away more.

Why is it confusing? Didn't you expect this? She broke your heart and thought you would run back to her whenever she snaps her fingers (looks like she still does) and while waiting, she hooked up with someone. You were on the right track healing and focusing on your life, now you are confused, which is what she wanted in the first place.

She is right about something, you should have deleted her message without reading. You are right about not answering your phone. Don't fool yourself and stick to NC. I'm sorry to tell you, but you will only get hurt more if you keep doing this.

Kaka:
i know its sad that if given the chance i would want to take her bad. but i am a believer that people are worthy of a second chance, especially in times of weakness, im not saying she is weak, but i believe the combination of dealing with missing me while im away, all of her school work, and other family pressures her mom put on her combined to make her believe this was the right choice and now she isnt second guessing it bc i was the one bit of stability she had in her life and then i was gone.
i dont expect her to ask me back today, tomorrow, or even in the next month, and if it ever does happen id hope i have continued to heal and think it would take a lot of thought and consideration for me to truly consider taking her back. to see her say everything about making the wrong choice to me is the most confusing bc she has always been one to stand by her decisions and rarely to never go back on something. so thats why for her to even say any of that gives me some hope they she may truly believe she made a poor choice. but i know i can't chase her as that will only push her away more.

I was you one year ago. My ex who had cut me off then magically decided that I was what they wanted. I went back and a year later guess what? Im on my own again.

I hope you don't get hurt again and that's all anyone here wants to protect you from.

I hope the mistakes of the past are dealt with. Good Luck ;)

Thank you for words of tough love pandead. Now looking at the message I completely over analyzed it and got my hopes up way to quickly over it. The phone call I should have simply made the conversation brief and hung up once knowing it was her. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement kaka.
So I finish my bartending class Friday, went out today and picked up plenty of applications at restaurants, and I hope that having a second job around people my own age will allow me to get out more like I've wanted too. Thank you everyone.

I really wish I had never talked to her. Knowing everything I know now, the anxiety is worse than ever. I slept terribly last night, constantly had dreams of her with this guy mixed with dreams of me and her being happy all over again and then leaving me.

My 21st birthday comes up in a week and like a normal person I should be excited and happy, but I'm not happy at all for so many reasons. I feel like I'm going to be alone on the biggest birthday of my life. All of my friends are back home, I don't know if the few friends I have made down here are available to go out, and I won't even get to see my family, let alone the girl I loved who made my last two birthdays so amazing. She said she would text me and wish me a happy birthday but I don't know if that's going to happen because she also told me she's going to some huge party that night, it almost feels like telling me that is some huge slap in the face that shell be having a great night and ill be miserable.

I feel like my life is a complete wreck right now. I see myself being more than a year behind in school when I go back because this internship hasn't allowed me to take any but two online courses.

I just don't know where to turn anymore, I think I might finally look into seeing a counselor and see if that helps. This stress and pain is killing me, most days I feel somewhat OK, but the days it gets to me I feel like I can't do anything and I know that's not normal.

If I were you, instead of being depressed and have doubts, I would have my own plan for my own birthday and if nothing else, celebrate my own freedom. Why make misery the choice when you have family and friends.

It can be hard to go through that first birthday, the first holiday, etc. but if you plan ahead it will be better. Why not ask some of your new friends if they are available instead of not knowing? If they aren't available, you can still make plans for yourself. For example, you could go see a movie - maybe The Social Network (about the founders of Facebook). If you aren't comfortable with that, plan to rent a movie and pick up some good take-out. Add a trip to the gym so you can workout some of these bad feelings. Give yourself something to look forward to.

Did you ever start taking the melatonin again? Those dreams you are having are exactly the type of thing it helps. The contact with her is not helping at all, but it sounds like you realize that.

Will you be going home for the holidays, or anytime soon? It would help you a lot to see your friends and family if you can go home.

Internships are valuable for a number of reasons, including landing a better job when you graduate and opening your eyes to opportunities. Instead of feeling like you wasted a year, think about what you learned. Did it give you a better idea of what you want to do for a career, or even a better idea of what you don't want to do?

You make a good point. I guess it wouldn't be so bad to celebrate a birthday alone and find things to keep myself busy and make me happy.

Yea I've been using the melatonin again and some nights I notice it helping and sleep fine. Other nights it like I didn't take it at all and the dreams are overwhelming and I wake up with the worst anxiety. I know the contact with her is the reason I'm having all these dreams again, feels like we just broke up and I've lost her all over again. NC was helping me and no matter what she says I know I need to stick by it through everything!

Unfortunately I won't be home for the holidays or anytime soon as my job has a vacation hold in place since we are short staffed through the holiday season. Not necessarily a bad thing because ill be able to make some more money.

I know the value this internship will bring me in my future, I've learned so much more than I ever would have learned in a classroom both about my career and about life skills. I figure I've come about as close to the real world as I can get without being completely thrown into it, as I will still be able to go back to school. The internship has certainly shown me that I want to pursue a career in aviation. It may not be in the exact job I am working in my internship but being around the pilots has definitely shown me I want to have a future in flying.

The anxiety I'm feeling sucks. Its like I'm all the way back at day one after our break up and I know I have no one to blame for that but myself. Everyone has been so helpful. And I guess I just have to build myself back up to that good place and new life I was starting to see before I talked to her. Hopefully things start looking up again soon.

I have a couple of suggestions about those nights when you still have trouble sleeping. Are you still working out? Daily exercise will do a lot to release anxiety and help you sleep better at night.

Second, you are still going to have tough nights. You need to find what works for you. A couple of things that helped me were to read books, articles or stories that would be give ideas of how to move forward. They could be on any number of subjects, whether relationship or career oriented, but something that made me think about the future and where I wanted to head. The other thing I like to do is make lists - of what I want to accomplish and how I'm going to go about doing it. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about work, the thing that helps is to make a list of what I will do when I get to my office. As long as I have a plan, the anxiety is lessened. Just an idea, but there is something that will work for you. What won't work is to think about the dream and the past. You have to let it go. Naturally, that will take time to entirely get past thinking about what happened, but you can take an active part is lessening the time it takes.

Sounds like a great intership. A lot of people move around a lot after college trying to find themselves and what they want to do. You are learning a lot of that now. It is definitely time well spent.

Stop blaming yourself and realize it's all part of the learning lesson. You now know that you can't have contact without hurting yourself, so use that knowledge to move forward. You'll be in that better place again. Stay there this time, and keep working for a better life. Good luck.

So this is going to sound stupid and I know it is my own fault for what I'm about to say but bare with me please and understand that after two years of talking with someone everyday I am having a hard time not answering, reading, or listening to anything from her, well at least it was after this last thing she did I think it will get easier. So here's what happened, I mentioned the message with her mixed signals or at least they were mixed to me and how bad that all made me feel. I went NC again and after a week I get a call from her, I did my part and ignored the call, but she left me a voicemail. Now I know right here is a big red flag, I SHOULD have deleted it, same as the message but its hard to not hear what she has to say. It was a short message that sounds sweet in nature saying Hi just wanted to see how your doing and hope your having a good day. (I rolled my eyes at this) Then she proceeds to end the message by saying she wanted to let me know that she is kind of sort of dating the guy she met the day after she broke up with me.(my heart sank, and I know the pain is my own fault for listening)
I'm wondering what kind of heartless person calls you to tell you they are kind of dating the person they met after they broke up with you? Obviously it's a rebound, but how do you "kind of" date someone? Does that mean its just friends with benefits? I feel like she is going out of her way to make me miserable and for some of the afternoon it did, but I went out and got busy and haven't really thought about it since.
I guess this just proves to me that she doesn't care about my feeling and should make my process of moving on that much easier, but at the same time its not, because when I was in NC originally I could speculate she was with someone but block it out because I didn't really know. Well now I know and I have small moments where I panic because all I can do is think about her sleeping with him and all of the things she used to do for me to attract me and turn me on she's now doing for him and it makes me sick in the pit of my stomach. Sorry for the detail there but how do you manage to get past those thoughts. I know finding a new girl would help but I don't want to get into a rebound or hurt someone because I still have so many feelings for my ex.
Please don't yell at me for being weak I realize I am, this is just so hard to swallow when I look back at all the wonderful times we shared and don't really see anything wrong with what we had. Also the fact that she made a point in her last message to say I was the perfect and right guy for her hasn't helped me at all, I guess I'm not as perfect as she made me believe I was for 2 years.

You know what you're doing wrong, yet you don't do anything to change it. Change your phone number if you have no self-control, stop listening to her voicemails or reading her texts, what she has to say is none of your business since she is someone else's girlfriend now. (Yes, for me "kind of sort of dating" means "I'll pretend that I'm not over you so you don't hate me, but I'm dating someone.")

You don't give yourself any chance to move on, you are hanging on to your memories and amplifying them in your head but you need to wake up and quick. You were doing good trying to heal, focus on your life, you were at least trying, now you're going backwards.

Do you wonder what your neighbor is doing with her boyfriend? Do you think what sweet names they give to each other? You don't. From now on, you should wonder more about your neighbor than about her (that sounds creepy, but you get the point.)

For the information, I can't even count the number of guys I dated and I broke up with saying "you are perfect but I can't be with you." Coward's way out to avoid breaking someone's heart, I know. But if you were really perfect for her, would you be here?

Open your eyes. You already wasted too much time on someone who's not into you.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to pandead again


so this is going to sound stupid and i know it is my own fault for what im about to say but bare with me please and understand that after two years of talking with someone everyday I am having a hard time not answering, reading, or listening to anything from her, well at least it was after this last thing she did i think it will get easier.

Well, yes, it does sound stupid.

You seem to want to learn the hard way. But we all make choices in this world and you have made yours.

Just remember that she can't hurt you with this info if you don't listen to it or read it.

She knows what she's doing and your letting her.

But you already know all this.

Nah... not here for a while and your situation right now is not what I expect you to be in at all...

It's only a matter of choice you make. I told you before you can choose to do whatever you want to do regarding her but again you have to always accept whatever consequences that will come from your actions. Lot of people here give you advices based on what we had been through before but it's all up to you to put all the strength you have to do it effectively. You can do it (NC) for a while and then fail and then do it again and then fail again... how many times you will allow yourself to be like this? I mean it's OK to fail and I understand that you just can't resisit the temptation to know or to hear from her. But if you keep repeating this (keep contact with her through whatever channels), it will only prolong the process of your own healing and cause you pain, which is unnecessary at all.

The girl is still young and I can sense that, based on how she treated you and what she said to you, she didn't care much about you. I doubt that she even knows how to treat anyone with respect or care for other people's feelings. She only cares and think about herself more than others. She doesn't even responsible for her own actions or for what she said. It's funny and lame to say something like what she said to you that she didn't know why and how she broke up with you. It's also very funny for people on my age to ever call the ex and tell that we are now dating someone. She still needs to grow up and learn a lot. Anyway, it's her issue not yours.

You cause yourself unnecessary pain by allowing her to say all these absurd things to you. You still have such a strong feeling for her and hold on too much to the good moments in the past. You can do whatever you want until you get enough of pain, suffer, or you may just get bored about it one day. But my only advice remains the same that you have to gather all your strength to live your life happily without her and move on with dignity and pride.

I'm a tye of person who's likely to hold on and try to make the relationship work as well and that's why I had to take lot of craps from my ex, but once it came to the point when someone said they longer want me in their life by dumping or breaking up with me, their actions always make a permanent end to the relationship. I no longer seek other answers anymore. No matter how good the relationship is in the past, I just can't want someone who can dump me even they might say they regret it later.

Please remember this: When someone truly loves and cares and is the right person for you, they don't break up with you or dump you.

So haven't updated in a while and I think I can finally say things are looking up and I'm doing things for myself. Ive realized all the hurt it causes when I break contact and talk to her again and again. Its not worth the pain and the past talks I had with her really proved to me she is NOT worth my time anymore.
Recently got a gym membership and have been feeling great, bought a juicer on top of that and the great feeling I've been getting from all the fresh fruits and vegetables is an amazing feeling.
For the past few days I had been getting messages from her and ignoring them but seeing her number always brought about that sinking feeling even if the message was something stupid. So I have taken the initiative to change my number, my email, and block her from all aspects of my life and it feels liberating, as in I know longer feel worried about waking to a text from her during the day.
Also celebrated my birthday this past weekend and finally get out with my friends and just having a great night! Was an awesome feeling!
I've been out and about looking for bartending jobs to do more with my time and make some extra cash plus have fun while doing it.
all in all I these past few days have looked better than the entire past two months since the break up. Actually at this point its weird to say its only been a little over 2 months since we broke up because it for one feels like so much longer and I know longer find myself randomly crying over her for no given reason. I still feel sad from time to time when I think about the good times we had, but no longer like I used to feel a few weeks ago. I hope this good feeling continues and grows. I feel so good in fact that doubts I had about wishing her a happy thanksgiving are completely gone because well why would I wish someone a good day who has hurt me so much in the past few months.
Want to wish everyone on here a great and happy Thanksgiving and have a safe holiday weekend. Everyone has been so helpful as always.

Amen to that!
Whew, finally :)

I just got back from celebrating Thanksgiving and was catching up on some old posts. You are doing so well. It really sounds like the light has come on and you are moving forward. I'm glad to hear it.

You are doing very well.
I'm happy for you.

Thanks all. Still have days that are tough to get through. But I am feeling so much better now. Finally starting to realize I've actually done and accomplished things in the past 2 months that I know I never would have done if I were still with her and it makes me proud to say that. My only regret is not listening to the advice of NC seriously from the get go and letting go of false hope right away. But alas as I've learned from here we do truly live, learn, and grow, and I can say I am thankful for what I've learned.
I hope my thread shows future readers the pain of breaking nc and how important it is to stick with it. As much love as you can have for someone, it is easier to let that love go than to keep fighting for them it gets you know where and they don't deserve it especially when they break up with you for no real reason, as my ex did.
Thanks again everyone. Have a safe holiday season and Merry Christmas! =D

I've been in the same situation, apart from it was me that did what your ex did. I was with a guy for 3 years and he was away all the time. We got together when we were 18 and made it work and it was great, but all of a sudden, like your ex, my feelings changed. There's no way to explain, something just clicked and I realised I wasn't happy. I know your hurting and confused but you need to stop questioning her every move and just accept it.
We all go through heartbreak and its aweful and destroying but you can't let it eat you up. Yes she will meet someone else, but you will too. My suggestion is get rid of every memory - photos, videos, letters etc and start afresh. I don't mean burn them or anything (unless that makes you feel better) but put them away in a box or something, out of sight out of mind. You probably will go back through them all at some point - I did, but as time goes on you'll realise you become less dependent on what's inside the box until one day you'll be able to just throw them away or just not care what's inside anymore. It might take months but you need to learn how to move on

Louie thank you for yor input on the other side of things.
Other than him being away from time to time were there other things that happened, such as fighting often or him being controlling? Me and my ex had our minimal fights but when we realized our differences we always seemed so much happier after and things were great. We never had recurring fights like over the same stupid topic again and again as some people do with no resolve.
Or if it was you truly had your feelings change as my exs seem to, do you think it would ever be possible for you to give him another chance or have you completely removed him from your life and are you happier for it?
After our break up she sent me many mixed signals and lots of false hope. Which I know was my own fault in part for probably reading too much into her messages. Its been so confusing.
I did do what you said a long time ago, I've had everything in a box and out of sight and out of mind. I've finally blocked everyway she can contact me that I can think of. I am slowly taking the steps necessary to heal myself, no longer contacting, trying to not think about what she is doing or who she is with, I've been working out, taken on new challenges, and trying to better myself. I finally feel better about being without her, but in combination of being away from home on top of the break up, I do face loneliness often but that is a whole nother battle in itself..
Thank you for your input. Hope to hear back on the questions I asked.

We didn't argue a lot really, but looking back he was quite controlling but I wasn't perfect either, with him being away I would get quite paranoid, need a lot of reassurance at times but overall things were OK.
I started a new job and met new people and that opened my eyes abit. They were shocked at how I would hang off every word he said,never went out, wait by the phone etc so they changed me abit, don't know if that was good or bad but I certainly don't regret anything.
I never questioned getting back with him, I knew it wouldn't be right and I made sure he knew that, I didn't want to give him any false hope, maybe I was abit too harsh with him especially when he couldn't seem to let go. We met up for a drink to talk things through, he got upset but I felt nothing. I'm not a heartless person and I can't explain how things suddenly changed but I knew that was it, just felt it. We broke up when I was 22 and I'm 26 now and I've never spoken to him since.

Wow that's kind of scary how similar it sounds to things my ex said. She said she felt trapped, but not by me, I never told her to not go out or wait for my calls, a simple let me know when your home safe. So I hope I wasn't controlling in that sense. But she did become friends with an old friend from high school who she admitted to telling her to break up with me or cheat on me a lot and I wonder if that played a role. We too met up once for lunch I did my best to maintain my composure and did until she started crying and came and held me. Then I couldn't hold back and told her how much I missed her. She did though tell me on occasion she doesn't want to give me false hope. Guess I fed it to myself. I hope after 4 years I might be able to talk to her again but I have so much love for her I know it would be hard to do.
It hurt me the most that she rebounded to some guy that looked like me only the day after we broke up. Really pissed me off, in a way it still does but I know I'm better off not caring anymore. The hardest thing I'm now dealing with is simply being alone, not because she broke up with me, but because I'm doing this internship 800 miles away from everyone I know and I've made a few friends here and there but it doesn't feel the same as the friends I have back home.
Sorry to kind of rant there.
Thanks for your insight helps a lot, and shows me maybe her mind really did change in a matter of 24 hours. O well, ill keep telling myself its her loss.

You're coping really well with it and perhaps being away will help you to deal with it abit better. In time it'll start to get easier and you sound like a lovely guy and will meet someone special, just don't let this setback taint everything. Me and my ex have some mutual friends and I've heard he now has a little baby and is engaged, so even when it feels like there's no hope, it'll all get better in the end I promise. Stay strong and keep writing posts of how you're doing and hope you have a good christmas x

Doing the best I can to cope. Each day gets easier and I realize how much better I can make myself without the ties of a relationship. I don't think this will stain me, least I hope not, I know its only been a short time since our break up but in that short time I've come to understand how much potential I have to pursue a great future and one day find someone who loves me as much as I love them. Im glad he and you were both able to find happiness then and with that know that I am not completely at a loss. That if I stay true to the good natured guy I have tried to become that one day I will meet a girl who loves the good guy I try to be.
Thanks louie. I hope you have a good christmas as well. You've really taught me a lot in your posts. You sound like a great person. That's why I enjoy this site so much so many wonderful caring people willing to help others with kind words and experiences that show there are better things down the line. Thank you!

Im very afraid right now and not sure who to turn too and I hope anyone on here might be able to give clarity to my situation. Im going to try and describe it as best I can, but if it sounds confusing please ask for clarity and Ill do my best to explain better. I really need someone's help. In advance I am sorry this is so long but I really hope someone can help me PLEASE! :/ Tal I could really use your help if your still following my thread. Thanks

So as a said a few weeks ago I have blocked everything from my haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks now and still haven't. She does have a new boyfriend now and from seeing his pics he looked like a sketchy guy but I know its not my problem or anything to worry about. I just let it go and continued working on me.
Well maybe a week ago now I get a message online from a random girl, basically asking how am I coping with this break up, how do I handle knowing she's with another guy. I responded with by using NC and just trying to forget her and move on, and asked who this girl was. Turns out she is the Ex girlfriend of the new guy my ex girlfriend is now dating. I have no idea how she figured out who I was or found me on Facebook, as I had blocked my ex's page, her friends pages, and her new guys page.
So this girl starts talking to me and tells me all kinds of things some emotional some factual about this guy, feeling bad and knowing what she is going through I offered my condolences and explained it will get better. We messaged back in forth for a while sharing feelings on the situation. Our distaste in each of them for betraying our love in them. The hurt we are going through. Basically, I shared some deep feelings on it I haven't shared with close friends. In a way I did see her as potentially being a friend as she knows exactly the situation I am going through. Some of the things she tells me is that, this guy and her dated for 4 years, they were engaged for 6 months, he dated her and my ex for 2-3 1/2 months (she knows this as she has been talking to my ex, and it also means my ex lied to me about when she met him), he still wears the ring around my ex, told my ex he still loves his ex, and to top it off he was arrested a year ago on some very serious internet porn charges (900 count) he was released on bail and has trial coming up for it.
Well taking all of that in, I've began to wonder why the hell my ex is still dating him then. I understand it is not my problem and frankly I do not care if she gets hurt by it all, in a way I kind of would like to see her feel some pain (evil sounding I know, but at the same time she was someone I felt was right for me and broke my heart) I am confused because she broke up with the guy before me for smoking pot(she and this guy smoke together), for cheating on her(this guy clearly cheated on his girlfriend for 2 months with her), for leaving the room to go watch porn(this guy is going to trial for that), for not committing to their relationship(this guy was committed at one point if they were engaged and he broke that). So I am really trying to wrap my head around what makes this guy so great to her to stay with him. My confidence went up knowing all of this because it proved to me at least from what I've heard that she definitely down graded from me and I am the better guy.

So now you might be thinking why didn't I just block this girl along with everyone else. Well funny thing is, I did. I said thank you for telling me that info but I need to distance myself from the situation and heal from this break up and that she needs to do the same. Then I blocked her.

Here is where things get interesting (if you don't think they are already) 2 days ago I get a text from a number I do not know saying I need to be careful this guy looks like me and might try anything to stay out of jail.(from the few pictures I saw he does have a close resemblance to me. Kind of bothered me in a way at first but you'll see why it now bothers me more) If you didn't guess it already it was this girl again. She claims she really needs a friend to talk to to get over this situation. So feeling her pain I agreed to try and be her friend. Here's how our conversations went.
Her: What High school did you go to.
Me: *my high school* where did you go? (no red flags as I thought she wanted to get to know me better
Her: *her high school* where do your parents live?
Me: *my town name, and a few towns near by* Where do you live? (I did not disclose exact address the town name)
Her: What is your middle name? (this sent a red flag as she did not even answer my question)
Me: lol I don't like my middle name so I don't feel like sharing it.
Her: Have too what letter does it start with? (now I feel uncomfortable)
Me: Listen I want to trust you and be friends, but you mentioned stealing my identity. How know you are not talking to him still to tell him this information. These are very specific questions.
Her: Im not talking to him its just my mom is very protective and wants to make sure you aren't a 40 year old creeper if I were to ever meet you.
Me: Your mom can rest assured that I am not such and if we ever did meet I would be happy to come by your house first and let your mom meet me.
Her: I'll ask her to stop asking questions. Did you play any sports in high school?
Me: Thanks. Yes I played baseball for 15 years and ran track for 5. How about you?
Her: Is your moms name *my moms name*?

So by that point I am now pissed and panicked, somehow without me disclosing it she knows my moms name. This makes me wonder what other information has she uncovered without me knowing it.

Me: umm yes, but that is leading back into this very intense investigation and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.
Her: I'm sorry. I didn't play sports but I did play trumpet in the band. *my name's* dads name is *my dads name*.

I don't know if that last part was supposed to be in the message or go to someone else but she now knows my dads name as well. So I've determined she knows my high school, my town, my parents names, at least my first and last name and maybe my middle. If she figured out my parents she might have my address, she has my cell number.
This is where I need someone's help PLEASEEE, is that information enough to possibly steal my identity should she still be talking to this guy?? I have talked to anyone yet, not my ex to find out if she knows any of this about this guy she's dating, and my parents had gone to bed by the end of this conversation with her so I haven't said anything to them yet. I know the trial and arrest are true things as I researched it and found several news articles containing the same information with the guys name and where he's from.
This whole situation has gotten so much more messed up than a break up now. I just wanted to heal and forget about her, but now if my identity should get stolen I feel it will undoubtedly haunt me the rest of my life.
Please I need advice what would you do in my situation? Should I call the police in my home town? Should I ask my ex if she is aware of any of this herself? Anything will be very helpful and appreciative. Thank you for responding if you read all of this.

You don't need to contact the ex to protect your identity. Just keep tabs on yourself through credit reports. Its simple, and an easy thing to to to keep up with yourself and what's been done under your name. If there is something to investigate, get the facts before you run to the cops or anyone else. That's probably a good idea to keep tabs on yourself whether this new fellow is a criminal or not.

The bigger issue to pay attention to is, how you are reacting to these things that this ex of your exes new boyfriend is feeding you. Not to far fetched to say she may have an agenda that requires you to start some type of crap with your ex to make things uncomfortable for her ex. After all, you only have her word for things and very little facts on your own. This new drama is not worth getting excited about, and no way should you swallow the story of a stranger, or let her plant seeds of doubt or concern, in your head.

Nor do you need to keep old feelings stirred up talking to this female, and constantly comparing yourself with the new guy. How does that help either of you?



should she still be talking to this guy??

None of your business!! Get your own facts, and protect yourself, not only from anyone stealing your identity, to being manipulated, by people with their own agenda.

Away, I am sorry that I don't have the time to read this entire thread. Regarding your last post, I agree with T-man. Right now there is nothing the police can or will do. As long as this other person doesn't have your SS#, you should be okay but it might be worth subscribing to the credit reporting agencies and track your reports as T-man suggests.

I just wanted to add some food for thought on something that struck me while reading this last post of yours. I kept getting this feeling that this "ex gf" of the current boyfriend might be not be who you believe "she" is. Since you blocked everyone connected to the situation, he might be doing the contacting himself or manipulating someone else to do it for him. In any event, if it is someone else or if it really is his "ex", one thing stands out: this person is very unstable and you need to completely stop responding to anyone you don't know (now and in the future). This current scare should drive home the fact that you cannot trust any strangers. T-man is absolutely right on target and you really should focus on what he has written here: "protect yourself, not only from anyone stealing your identity, to being manipulated, by people with their own agenda".

Regarding the situation with your ex-gf... you need to stop allowing other people to keep you from moving on with your life. As long as you keep talking to anyone about your ex and her current boyfriend, you will continue to be stuck in a rut.

To answer your last question: You should in no way contact your ex-gf to find out "if she is aware of any of this herself." It won't shed any new light on this current situation and you will be taking one step backward in the healing process. She has made the decision to be with him and not you. From her point of view whatever you say to her will sound like a jealous "ex" whining. For your own sake, please, just leave it alone. If she gets hurt down the road, that is her problem to deal with. You need to focus on you and move past this relationship. Get out with your friends. Spend time with your family. Do some fun things that will start to create your own memories of good times without the ex attached to them. It is the holiday season so go to as many parties and gatherings as you can. Don't be alone.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.



Keep tabs on your business and leave this other mess alone. Stop conversing with people you don't know.

So just to update. I believe I have taken care of everything with the potential for this guy to steal my identity. Went and talked to the local police and got information on how to protect myself. Signed up for fraud monitoring on my accounts and a few other things. So hopefully all is taken care of.

Now to how I'm doing. I keep taking the steps to move forward and live a life I love. I have worked out and honestly gotten in great shape, focused on my internship, actually got up the nerve to go to a concert alone because it was a band I really wanted to see and had a blast, basically I've taken risks I probably wouldn't have at and the moment I am doing all of these things I feel great and on top of the world. Yet then I come home and constantly find myself slipping into depression. Lately I haven't been able to sleep at night again. Ive blocked her, mutual friends, her new guy, and any way I can think of to contact her and have been sticking to no contact. Yet I still find myself missing her deeply and want to tell her how much I love her.
On the exterior I think my friends see me as doing fine as if she was never in my life, but when I'm alone if she pops into my head for a moment it still hurts. I guess maybe I'm not staying busy enough. I was really down the other day when to keep my mind busy I took the time to clean my entire apartment had music playing and felt really good. Until I stumbled upon a picture of us I never realized I left out and I couldn't help but stare at it and how beautiful I think she is and I broke down and cried feeling completely alone and abandoned.
I feel like something is wrong with me, for after 3 months and finally a full month of no contact, to still be missing and wanting to be with a girl who broke up with me like I meant nothing and rebounded to a new guy the next day.
Just kind of needed to let out my feelings I guess. Haven't posted in a while.

Why don't you do a bit of counseling.
Talking to someone impartial can help you work through your feelings.

I stumbled upon a picture of us I never realized I left out and I couldnt help but stare at it and how beautiful I think she is and I jus broke down and cried feeling completely alone and abandoned.
I feel like something is wrong with me

I got a xmas card from my ex's mother telling me I was always welcome in her home anytime and to keep in contact. Was I a mess... Yes. Did anyone else know. No way!!

Feel what you want to feel and then move on. And you are. You are getting stronger each day as time goes by. You will have setbacks, things that will catch you off guard like a rogue picture left out by mistake. (put it away!! )

But if you don't feel you are getting better than take the advice and go and see someone.

LOL... I was out today at the Boxing Day Sales and was buying a washing machine. I stood like an idiot staring at a particluar washing machine because it was the same as my exes. Now that's ridiculous... :p