We used to be close to my husband's sister. We spent holidays together and our children were great friends. However a few years ago she became angry with us over a computer we sold her that stopped working (we offered to fix, but she wasn't interested). She hasn't spoken to us since. We've tried calling several times over the last 5 years but her husband says that she wants nothing to do with us. Other siblings have tried contacting her but they have also been rejected. When her mother was ill her response was that she doesn't care if her mom dies. Needless to say, she has some real issues.

What bothers me is that for all these years she has continued to send us emails, Christmas cards and photos of her children. Nothing she has sent has ever been meant specifically for us - just generic emails sent out to everyone in her address book, generic Christmas card greetings, etc. I don't understand why she sends these things to us if she wants nothing to do with us. I don't send her anything in return.

My husband thinks the best thing to do is ignore her. But that is hard for me to do. Every time I get something from her I am reminded of her rejection of me and that makes me feel miserable all over again. I've considered sending her letters asking for a reconciliation... or even telling her to leave us alone... but I doubt I will even get a response. I don't know how to deal with someone like this. Should I try to confront her? Change my address and phone number so she can't reach us? This situation has been bothering me for years and I'd like to resolve it and move on.

She is still family and I guess this is her way of staying in touch.

However, if the emails bother you, just put her email address on ignore and you don't have to ever deal with her again.

If she has no feelings about her mother dying, then she doesn't sound like a nice person to begin with.

Your husband thinks the best thing is to ignore his own sister, then perhaps you should listen to him.

I probably should ignore her emails, but I guess there is part of me that hopes one day she will send some kind of apology and attempt at reconciliation. It's true she isn't the nicest person... she's done some nasty things to me in the past and as you can see, she likes to hold grudges. I think what really bothers me is the one-way nature of this relationship. She will stay in touch, but only on her own terms. I get the impression she does this only to satisfy her own curiousity, not because she actually cares about us or anyone else in the family.

It sounds like this cousin is emotionally hurt by something more than a computer related problem. You obviously care about her. Have you ever told her? Have you ever apologized for your own behavior of why she may not want anything to do with the family? Has she been the families "black sheep" all of her life? Just wondering? Maybe she is hurt by someone's action that you are unaware of in the family and feels "everyone" knows, and doesn't. By ignoring the issue and not trying to contact her isn't going to resolve the problem. If this person mean something to you, you should try to contact her. Maybe be simply sending her an email or email card in reply to hers? Telling her that you love her, if you do?

Sorry, this is your sister in law, not cousin, OK. Which would make her even a closer relative. Maybe this sister in law has felt out of the family loop? And is now resentful because of it? From your last post, she doesn't appear to be that important to you. But if she is important to your brother than maybe a reconciliation is necessary on his behalf? Some people have insecurities. Maybe she knows you don't really like her. And this is her way of knowing that she can get under your skin every once in a while? I would feel sorry for your brother if that is the case. Because she must torment him, that is that kind of persons nature, usually. Or is she just very sensitive? This holiday is about love and forgiveness. Maybe she needs just that? Or acceptance for who and what she is, a b--tch? Lol Either way, it has always been my nature to show kindness to people who don't have any. Or just simply ignore them. If she has hurt you in the past, maybe just ignore her? Usually, that bothers people more than if you show emotion. Especially, when they don't deserve a moment of your time.

I sent SIL an email telling her we missed her and asked if her emails and xmas card meant she wanted a relationship with us. I told her that if she does not reply then I will assume she wants no further contact. I am certain that she has some emotional issues, feels like the black sheep of the family, etc. But I am not interested in playing games. If she wants to have a relationship that is great. Otherwise I need to move on. So far I have heard nothing from her, but I feel better having finally taken some action.

Good for you honeybee!

Good for you! I think that responding in the same manner as she has tried to contact you is the best way to try to resolve this problem with her. She may now either reply and or ignore your return message. At least you showed that you cared. Whether she has emotional issues or not, she may just want everyone to know that she is alive, yet emotionally hurt for whatever the reason. Or she may get a clue, if she doesn't care and stop sending you needless email cards, etc. Either way, you handled this magnificently. The ball is in her court. And she is very lucky to have someone such as yourself, who does care.

Block her e-mail address from your account. She probably never bothered taking you out of her address book.