To get straight to the problem... it all started with me losing my job the only thing in my life I was proud of because I worked so hard to get it. I worked for the railroad for 3 years before I was dismissed. My mom was living with me at the time who is a paronoid schizophrenic. Which is very hard to deal with especially at 22 years old, and I had a boyfriend who just didn't want to work was always out in the street. So after I got fired from my job I sent my mother back to New York, and left my boyfriend and went to stay with some chruch people so I could get my life back in order.

I stayed with the chruch people for about 2 months I couldn't get no job, and I had just had a miscarraige so I was stressed out. My boyfriend was coming to chruch and doing really good. So we decided to go see his family so he could get a job and make some money so we could come back and get an apartment and not have to stay with anybody. Well the whole time I was getting unemployment from the railroad and supporting us. So we got married I think I got married because he kept stressing about it. I really didn't think we were ready and was wasn't sure if it was right because we had only been split up for 2 months well he kept talking about and pushing me so we got married. Everything was good for about 2 more months after that things went right back the way they were when I was working at the railroad. He started going out, he claimed he was tired of living a christian life. He started lying again. He started cheating again. I started to find numbers in his pockets. We didn't do anything we were supposed to do when we went to stay with his family. We ended up coming back to where we originally was and staying with people. We stayed with up to 3 families. We started fighting because of the things I would find in his pockets. So we ended up splitting up. He calls me after he done did his thing and wants to come back, says he going to do better and we went through this 2 time already. Then I get a call from my family and their telling me my mother's coming to stay with me and that she's not going to drive them crazy. Mind you they know that I'm staying with people. I can't get an apartment because I broke a lease. So now she down with me the people I was staying with kicked me out because they say they gave me a place to stay so I could serve god, and not just to have a place to stay and because I'm out making sure my mothers OK they say they don't know what I'm doing and they have to protect their house. So my mom's staying on the street & at shelters I'm back with my husband because I have no where else to go. My life is screwed up! Am I not strong enough? Can anybody give me any advice. I don't have any friends because I'm so withdrawn. It's like every time I try to do something good I go down hill.

You know people that where trying to help could not have been to good of christians because they should have never put you out until you had a place... If you mom is ill she needs to apply for ssi and they can help her to get into a place like assissted living housing, and you are you safe, has your husband changed, if not why are you there , there a lot of places to help displaced homemakers or individuals who are in an abusive relationship... if I knew what state you where in I could give you resources, but your phone book under social services agencies can help... Don't losse you faith, God is not going to fail you, but you must want to help yourself and get away from that man if he hasn't changed... Good luck and God bless
Let me know if I can help you further.

Chaz :)

I am so sorry you are going through such an ordeal... first things first: You need to lose the guy once and for all; he is a loser (he will not change and he will not get better... ) and will always drag you down. Second, you need to get your mother out of the shelters and find a place for bioth of you to live while you get your life back in order. Shame on your family for giving all the responsibility of her care to you and the Christian people for throwing you out with no place to go; not very Christian, I'd say. Go to your local unemployment office and collect unemployment and register with job agencies and start going out on interviews; you must start somewhere and even looking for work will make you feel better; at least you'll be doing something and you will find a job, eventually. You can find financial aid and assistance in getting another aprtment, in spite of breaking a lease. You can also try the Red Cross or women's shelters. Anything to get off the streets and into a job. The more actions you take, the sooner your problems wilpl be on the way to being resolved. Good luck to you, you will find your peace and happiness...

I lived your life and can totally relate. The one thing I can say to you is you are not selfish enough. You give and give and give until there is no more to give. I know I did the same thing for 18 years. Please, Please, Please what ever you do realize that once a cheat always a cheat. I thought after 10 years of marriage that my husband had finally decided not to cheat on me anymore. Come to find out he just got better at hiding it. Then one day after carrying him through 9 knee surgeries, with me working and him fully medicated all the time, he cheated again. That was it for me. His mother had also lived with us several times off and on as well. You have to get to the point of NO MORE and stick to it. I went to a counselor for about 3 weeks. Wow what a difference. As I sat and listened to myself talk about all that I was going through. I realized that all I talked about was everyone else and their feelings. Not now. I am happily divorced and living life to it's fullest. I actually quit my job that I was making seriously good money at and went for a part time job with not so much money, just to be able to spend time with my kids and do the things I want to do. Please note the word "I". By all means you can listen to everyone's advice, I know I did for years. Until you are ready to stand up for you, you will never make the change. It took me 18 years to figure out that I matter. Please don't make the same mistake I did. I took my husband back 17 times after he cheated on me. What was I thinking. It never got better. His mother never got better, I didn't get better until I learned to stand up for me and not everyone else. Hope it works out for you!