I just learned that my daughter who is 13.5 has been talking on a phone at nights with a guy friend. I tried to call the number back and a young kid answered the phone; it appeared to be a cell phone. I hung up the phone, I just needed to confirm who she was talking to.

Lately, she can't get up in the morning for school. Tonight, my husband heard her talked on phone at 11:30pm and threw the cell phone against the wall. We put 2 and 2 together and firgure out why she can't get up in the morning, grades are dropping from last year and spent many hours on line chatting through myspace. We took the computer away last weekend; tonight she can't have her cell phone any more. She lost all her privileges at home by not using the home phone, watching TV.

I want to be an effective parent but feel that I can't communicate with her. She does not responded when I'm talking to her and asked to be excused when I'm done talking to her. Please give me some advice, I'm so frustrated as a parent.

She states that I'm too strict and does not understand her. I try to have an open communicate with my daughter but it appears that she takes me for granted and does things behind my back.

PLEASE HELP ME

It sounds like your doing everything right... Except the phone throwing - who did that? Your husband?
One thing that I learned, growing up and now as a parent myself, compromising really helps in situations where a child feels their parents are too strict.
Write down what you want, let her write down what she wants, and find a meeting place in the middle.
For instance, She wants to talk on the phone 11:30pm, but you'd rather her be off the phone at 8:00 pm... compromise off phone at 9:30pm.
Reasonable compromises usually helps.

There are a few companies (like Disney) that sell cell phones where the parent can resttict who they can call and when they can use the phone. Some even include GPS locators. This way you can still provide her the convenience (and piece of mind for you) of having a cell phone but keep control over its use.

As Akae said you have to reach acceptable compromises. She has to understand that there are limits and rules she has to abide by.

However, if she is really as uncommunicative as you indicate, then you might want to seek family counseling. A Third party might be able to intercede and bring out the problems so they can be resolved.

Honestly, I think you are OVER reacting.

If you think all this will help you communicate with her, I doubt it.

Taking away her phone – smart move.

Her computer? Why not just take away her internet.

And her TV? You are going overboard.

If the problem is with a boy, then perhaps you should sit with her and talk.

She wouldn't talk with you? Are you sure.

Did you sit down with her and trying talking, and not lecturing and judging?

If you honestly have tried your best and she won't talk, then the next step would take her to see a counsellor, someone who can be a mediator b/w the 2 of you.

Let me know if this helps -

Kids are Dogs And Teens are Cats

It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorstep, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry... then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave. Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it and it runs away. Tell it to sit and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.

Well, you are the parent and you have the right and responsibility to lay down the law. Have you thought about some sort of compromise, to the effect that you let your daughter use the telephone and computer at certain times (say from 7-9 PM, for example, with maybe a little more flexibility on non-school nights?) That should cut down on her "need" to go behind your back and be talking to people on the phone or online at unreasonable hours. You might also want to try to contact the parents of this guy friend and ask that they not permit him to talk on the phone with her past a certain hour, since you are trying to regulate her activities sufficiently to insure that she gets proper rest on school nights and doesn't jeopardize her school work.