A couple months ago, my fiancé and I had a big fight. We were supposed to go to a baby shower together but due to our fight my fiancé dropped me off at his parents house instead of taking me with him. I was very upset that he did this. No one was home at his parents house and I waited there for 7 hours most of which time I spent crying. I finally got a hold of him shortly after 8pm. The baby shower had turned into a BBQ and I could here the music and partying in the background. I was concerned about his drinking because I wanted to be sure he didn't drink and drive, and he assured me he only had 2 beers earlier in the day. He came home about an hour later and I was still angry at him for ditching me and when he didn't apologize we got into another big fight and we came very close to ending our relationship. Since then we have patched things up and we are getting ready to move into our new home together next week. Our relationship is better than ever and with the possibility that I could be carrying his child, we are very excited about our future together.

The baby shower was for his best friend Andy's sister. A few weeks ago I had lunch with Andy's new girlfriend when Andy happened to join us. He told me about how his ex-girlfriend had shown up at his sister's baby shower and how awkward it was for him. He then said that no one could stand her and the only person that was nice to her was my fiancé Greg and so because of that she was hanging all over him. That bothered me slightly because I wasn't there to witness the woman's actions and whether they were shady and since that was a night Greg and I had a big fight, I had no idea how he might have acted towards another woman's attention. But I let it go. That was a few weeks ago.

Then tonight, my fiancé comes home and says "I got a disturbing phone call. You remember Andy's ex? Dianne? Well she called me tonight and invited me to have dinner with her on her birthday. She seems really excited to meet you too. She says she's having a tough time right now. Randy was being a jerk to her at the baby shower. She was crying a lot and she said she really needs someone to talk to and she knows I will always listen."

That raised a lot of red flags for me. I don't know why but my intuition was sending all kinds of signals. Here is a woman who just found out her ex has a new girlfriend. Her ex doesn't pay attention to her at a party and here all of a sudden is my fiancé, Greg, a sweet guy with a big heart who listens. Of course she would gravitate towards him. Something about her calling him to "hang out" with her really really bothers me. I don't trust her at all and when I tried to explain how bothered I was to Greg he got defensive saying he was "concerned about her" and that she is his "friend" although I pointed out the only time they hung out together was when she was dating Andy. He shot right back that those two dated each other for four years and so he considered her a friend. I told Greg I don't like the circumstances of her wanting a friendship with him and something about the situation bothered me. He called me cold-hearted but I told him I hope he understands and see it from my point of view. If the situation was reversed I know he would be uncomfortable too. He's mad at me and he pointed out that he never even had to tell me about it and if he wanted to deceive me he could just hang out with her without telling me.

I trust my intuition and my gut was telling me that this woman is bad news. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I don't want my fiancé to think I am being controlling or ridiculous but this situation really bothers me. Should I let them hang out? I want to be supportive of his friends but I honestly don't think this girl just wants a friendship.

You stated that your fiancé said she "seems really excited to meed you too" - that means he told her about you, right? Also, does that mean that you were invited to this birthday dinner? Even if you are invited to the birthday dinner - still weird, definitely not something I'd be doing. I would never ask my ex-boyfriends friend (who's engaged) to celebrate my birthday with - just weird. And, as everyone knows, just because she knows you're fiancé is engaged to you, doesn't mean that she's going to keep her hands off. Honestly, I'd be jealous (more so upset with my fiancé that he's okay with doing that with her), but the man I'm with now would definitely agree that it's odd and isn't something he'd do if he were in a relationship.

No offense, but no you don't have a right to feel jealous. He told the girl about you, which means he isn't hiding that he's engaged. And she wants to meet you, which tells me she's not interested in anything but a friendship. She may want to be friends with you as well.

As far as the "all over him" comment. My dad told me an old saying "believe nothing of what you hear and half of what you see" and also the great REO Speedwagon, talk is cheap when the story is good

I don't think you should feel jealous. He told the girl about you and you are invited to the birthday dinner. You're working this all up in your mind and driving yourself crazy in the process. Go to the dinner and see with your own eyes how your boyfriend and this woman act around each other. You said yourself that your boyfriend is a kind man with a big heart. This is something you should love him for! You should be proud that people can go to him for advise and help. Not something you should be making him feel bad about.

I think part of the reason you're feeling all this jealousy is because it appears you and your boyfriend have some major communication and trust problems.

Who cares if this girls wants more than a friendship? What's important is how your boyfriend feels. If you trust your boyfriend like you should, what the other woman wants shouldn't matter at all. Right?

No you don't need to be jealous. You decide to go together, or not at all.

What bugs me is, her trying to undermine the new girl in his brothers life, by getting close to the both of you. That's dastardly.

That's what you tell your boyfriend, to respect the new girl in his brothers life.

By taking things personally, you both may be missing the obvious. She has friends to celebrate her birthday with. She doesn't need either of you.

By over reacting, you run the risk of him being defensive of her, and resentful toward you. If you don't make it a big deal, and go with him when he meets up with her, she will get an impression of you, as well as you of her.

I would personally find it odd that he is doing this. Why doesn't she have girlfriends' shoulders to cry on, and why did everybody but your boyfriend avoid her. Seems strange to me.

Also strange is the fact that he dumped you at his parents place- for 8 hours!! Regardless that you had a fight, that is a bit over the top as 'punishment'. Why couldn't he come and got you after he cooled off, or at least called and asked you if you wanted picked up. Had that been me, I would have taken a taxi over and had a good time regardless.

Don't allow this incident with this woman to ruin your day until you have something to worry about. Be cordial and polite, and enjoy a dinner out.

My guess is, if you don't make a big deal of it, and put too much emphasis on her, this will quickly fade back to normal.

You know I started to feel pretty bad about the way I reacted that night so today I told him that of course he can be friends with anyone he likes and of course I feel bad that she has no one to talk to. I told him that honestly, if it were my sister in her situation-- I can only hope she would have a friend as great as him. He agreed and told me that she probably doesn't have any friends where she lives because all she does is party and get wasted with different people every night (not the kind of person I would be friends with) and that she recently had to move out of her apartment because she married her roommate to help him get his green card. I guess he wanted to consummate the marriage and when she refused-- he beat her up. I don't understand that kind of person. I am "goody goody" I guess. I don't drink, smoke cigs or pot, and nor do I party. My fiancé and his friends were all into that but since he met me he doesn't go out to party anymore although he still smokes pot and drinks every night. At first that really bothered me but I am trying to be supportive and remind myself that love is unconditional although I sometimes still nag him about those bad habits. I couldn't help but think when I heard him talking about Dianne today-- that maybe sometimes he resents me for being so "square". I mean personally-- I think that I am more relationship material than a hard core party girl like her but sometimes I worry if he would be more comfortable dating someone more like him.

We just found out we're having a baby and tonight I was feeling some stabbing cramps in my stomach. I was talking to him about setting up the next doctor's appointment when he offered me to smoke some weed. I just sat there looking at him in disbelief. He knows I am totally against pot but I was even more shocked that he would ask me to smoke while I am pregnant. He saw the look on my face and he said "don't get all judgmental and offended. I just thought it would help you with the pain."

In that moment, I felt so much anger. Anger over the fact that he hasn't been there for me when I needed him at the doctors'. The fact that he would rather buy pot than help me pay for an ultrasound. And on top of it all the whole Dianne thing was still fresh in my mind so grabbing my stomach I slowly got up from the couch and said " Well maybe if you were with Dianne you two could do all the drugs you want together. Just have a bunch of drug babies." and then walked away.

I know it was childish but I am so upset. I am stressed out about how I am going to take care of this child and I feel like he doesn't want to worry about it. I feel like I should be having a child with a man who wants to have a family with me-- not some 30 year old who's daily life revolves around playing video games and smoking pot. I really feel like he deserves someone like Dianne.

I just feel bad for that baby now. And for you as well. He isn't going to stop so time to really think things through now. Good luck!

I think you have some major decisions to make.
Do you even want to stay with him?

He drinks and smokes every day,how mature and stable is that?
It isnt-so going by what you've written,he isn't exactly great Dad material.
He shouldn't even be smoking his pot in the same house as a pregnant woman.

That information puts a different spin on things. I'm wondering why you think being supportive includes smoking pot and drinking everyday. This man is going to be a father, and he has some issues here which to me, sound like immaturity, lack of commitment, and selfishness.

You are not being treated very well, and I'm wondering what you think the future holds. Unconditional love is a great concept, but sometimes love is just not enough; it can blind you from reality.

Be a little selfish here and allow yourself to really say what you mean. Are you worried that you're making a mistake staying with him? Is he capable of changing and is he willing to put your needs first? What do you see long term.

It is not to say that people don't change- some just don't see what needs to change and why. Would he be willing to go to counselling with you? Maybe a third party can sort through his needs and wants, vs. your needs and wants, and a compromise will be worked out.

I'm getting mixed feelings on all of this, and I respect your need to keep private what you wish to keep private, but I also get the impression that you have thought more seriously about the quality of this relationship than you have said so far.

Quote by Jake2008
I would personally find it odd that he is doing this. Why doesn't she have girlfriends' shoulders to cry on, and why did everybody but your boyfriend avoid her. Seems strange to me.

This whole thing just doesn't smell right. Add a child to the mix, I just don't know.

This whole thing just doesn't smell right. Add a child to the mix, I just don't know.

Maybe talking to her seems legit.

But then he gets asked to dinner, then it becomes different.

Has he spoke to this woman before the party?

I wonder if he knew she was going.