Hey just recently my girl friend just broke up with me.. she was my first love , never in my life I've felt this kind of pain. But few days after the break up she had text me saying I miss you or she says can you call me. Then when I ask her what she wants she says, she wants to take it slow. I don't know what to do,I want her then I don't. When I don't talk to her I fell OK, but once I talk to her I start feeling the pain over and over again. What should I do?

Maybe you shouldn't talk to her for awhile until this huge blow to your heart heals.

She can't hardly expect you to be OK with her after she dumped you. If she does want to take it slow.. If she does want to start over, then I think she can wait until your ready. If she doesn't want to wait.. then screw her :) She's just messing with your head.

when i dont talk to her i fell ok, but once i talk to her i start feeling the pain over and over again. what should i do?

Take this and memorize it. Talking to your ex makes you hurt.

It will still apply when you have lost your 3rd or 4th Big Love. The rules don't change... you just, hopefully, get better at seeing the signs and doing what is good for you, which isn't always what you want short term.

So... she broke up with you. Why? Any time a couple thinks about getting back together they'd better have this one covered... what was wrong and off track before, and how is that still not wrong and off track.

And missing somebody is not a good enough reason to get back together.

Often what happens when two people break up and then quickly reunite, they get back together because they don't like hurting, not because it's a good idea. The same old issues eventually come back up. Maybe a few new ones too. Usually one person is more in control (she is here) and that person will probably be the one to end it again.

When one person says "lets see each other but take it slow"... sometimes what happens here is that person uses the other for comfort and attention while they are still healing... and then when the time is right, they'll cut the line again.

You don't want to get back together with her to help her get over you or to keep her preoccupied until she finds something better, right?

You've had your first big love, first big love lost, first big heartache.

It sucks. It happens. To all of us. We have all been where you are.

You have to live your own life and own your own choices... but id say the chances of you getting back together and it being different long term are slim... and the chances of you hurting while keeping in contact with your ex is high.

She probably just feels guilty for breaking up and hurting you. So she tells you, she wants to take thing slow. I suggest do no contact. You said, talking to her hurts you. If you continue with this 'slow relationship' the whole time you will be hurting and wishing it wasn't like that. Which will probably end up with her breaking up and hurting you again. Get out of this now, yes it will hurt. But you aren't alone, they're a lot of stickies at the top of this forum, read them, they are really helpful.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them break your heart TWICE! Didn't it hurt enough the first time?

Talaniman rules- When you get dumped, why go back, and get dumped again.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mushQuestions??

Hello Showme,

I'm a little confused, I read the title of your post, and it says, "I fell in love with this girl that treated me bad. Now she's gone and I want her back" Ummm, why? Why would you want to have this person back if they treated you bad?

Please answer me that...

You should go no contact and save yourself the pain and the confusion.

Why hang around waiting for her to break your heart a second time?

Move on,and start healing.

Same here I am also confused. I have many friends saying that I should not be with her and all she does is hold me back from my business. I guess the reason I want to get back is, companionship we had been living together for almost a year. During this time we've been together everyday and never been apart. I thought it was love of never ending. For some reason I know that she treated me badly but all I can think about is the good times we had shared, nothing with the bad. Everyday my heart longs for her and nothing seems to matter. I know I was treated badly but I fell like I rather be treated this way having her then going through this pain I am feeling. I tried going out with my friends to see if I can find other girls, but my heart doesn't want anyone else but her. We broke up march 6 2010 on our 11 months anniversary, and the following day was my 23rd birthday and the day after was hers.. all I could think about was the plan she made for us. She's the only girl that made me feel this way. I've never knew that a pain like this can ever exists. All I can think about is the what ifs. Everyday I cry and feel so hopeless and ask myself what I've done wrong. There was this one time when my friend and I when't to get some shampoo, right when we got to there tears started coming out from my eyes, and I just remembered that she can just stay there can smell all the shampoo in the store. Little memories like that just breaks my heart cause I know that she is no longer mine. We had made many memories together and now I can't share it with her. Am I just so stupid to see the problem or am I the problem.

Do what best suites you.

If you feel fine not talking to her, than don't..
And while your benefiting yourself with that, shell be tortured by the fact your ignoring her.

You don't necessarily have to ignore her though. Just do exactly what she wants.. "take it slow" say hey whatsup here and there.. but when it comes to haning out or talking to long say your busy.

And down the road things will fall in to place the way they're meant to. Just trust fate :)

Chickie I tried looking at the forum you told me to read I can't seem to find them. You said "They're a lot of stickies at the top of this forum" top of the page?

You're going through the pain that's normal after a breakup-it's part of the healing process.

Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship
Page?
There is lots of good advice there on how to handle breakups.

I tried doing that but when she text me and I don't text back she says. What's the point of me chasing after you if your not even going to chase after me, good bye forever. When she says that I feel so confused, I don't know if she is just playing with my mind of emotion

I wouldn't buy into her mindgames.
Time to bite the bullet and stick to no contact.

I tryed doing that but when she txt me and i dont txt back she says. whats the point of me chasing after you if your not even going to chase after me, good bye forever. when she says that i feel so confused, i dont know if she is just playing with my mind of emotion




She says that because she wants you to fight for her. Just for the thrill. She wants to see you at her knees, miserable, begging, chasing her.. and that text was her way of hitching the bate on the fishing pole to lure you in..
It can't be more obvious. Let her silly little game backfire on her, don't fall for it. Girls loveeee to be chased. And if you don't, it'll eat her away.

So once I do the no contact and if she does text me the sh*** again what should I say to her

You say nothing-you just don't reply-that's what no contact means.

Look... you don't like hurting and that's fine. You need to believe you get through this kind of crap... damn near everybody else does... and sometimes people think their situation is unique or different. Nope. It hurts like mad and its really distracting.

It really, really sounds like she's just texting you because she wants to know you still want her. Who doesn't wish their ex was thinking "boy... i really miss her/him"... who doesn't hope their ex thinks they got the short end of the deal...

But when she says "why should i chase you"... it basically means its too much work for her to do what you need her to do...

When she throws out "good bye forever"... she's trying to guilt, hurt, and manipulate you into giving her the attention she wants.

Again... we all get how hard it is to get over a first big love. Been there done that. Don't expect to stop hurting right now. Don't even expect to want to chase someone else.

Give yourself permission to hurt and feel like crap. No fun, but its OK. Don't you think it should hurt some if it meant anything?

And it'll just keep getting drawn out as long as you text or keep in contact.

so once i do the no contact and if she does txt me the sh*** again what should i say to her

You ignore her, and disappear from her life, and get your own.

Thank you all for the advice that was given it made a lot of difference. Now I am ready to do no contact. But I need you guys help for me to get through this. Every minute I think of her so I guess the question is how can I get her out of my head. I really do want to move on and have my life back. But I keep thinking if we get back together maybe it will be better. Thank you for all your help

You keep yourself super busy.
Physical activities,see friends,hide your phone and stay off Facebook etc.

You can do this,most of us here have done it and it works.

Good luck.

Just recently my girl friend broke up with me, and just 2 days ago I started the no contact rule. I feel so empty and I just want to pick up my cell phone and call her asking her to be mine again. I know it sounds so stupid but I just feel so much pain and every second I just keep thinking about how it was. I just sign myself up in the gym and kept myself busy but I just can't get her off my head. My mind don't want her but my heart wants to be with her. Please give me some advice on how to get myself through this. I know I sound so pathetic but this is the first time I got my heart broken and I just don't like the feeling. Why did I fall in love with the person that don't treat me right.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum

Hang in there hun, if you're patient and strong, the result will be so fullfilling. You'll feel so good when she comes back to you crying and most likely you won't care anymore.. and it'll be her time to suffer. It's so worth it..
The only question that should be in your mind is what you can do meanwhile..
The best cure.. other girls!
Talk and meet new girls, the gym is full of oppourtinities!

I'm doing my best to move on but I can't stop but think what I did wrong. I have never felt this kind of pain in my life and I just want to take my heart off and throw it to the dogs that's how much pain I'm in. I tried working hard on my business and go to the gym but for some reason she's always on my mind. Tears just comes out of my eyes for no reason how pathetic is that. I would want her to come back crying her feeling the suffering but I doubt that. I'm thinking she is telling another guy I love you while I'm here hurting. Is a suckey feeling. I just need help with this cause its my first time ever feeling something like this.

Sadly,these feelings will come and go for some time-thats how getting over a breakup works.

Keeping busy will help you take your mind off things.
Make sure you see friends and family.

Personally,comedy films and books work for me,laughter is a great thing.

Keep going and take care.

I just found her belongings here in my room what should I do with it. Should I give it to her, or should I throw it away, I know stuff that she left she needs it. What should I do with it?

Pack it up and ask a good friend to take it to hers.

OK my ex just called and she text saying to call her and its about 11:11 what the hell is she trying to do. Is she over me or is she playing games, or does she want me back?

Just keep it somewhere.. somewhere you don't have to look at it and think of her.. and then one day she'll have to see you to get it, and make sure you look real good and make it quick, as if you got to go be somewhere and be nice as if she doesn't phase you :)



As for the pain, I know it sucks, I wish I could help you out on that one.. but its something only time can heal. You got to accept that everything happens for reasons, and end up either short term or long term being for the better. TRUST ME. And there's nothing you can do to change it, so why bother dreading it.. life is wayyyy to short to throw all happiness away over some bimbo. Or anything really.
I know how it feels. My first big heart breaks I couldn't eat, id feel like I'm going to gag, I couldn't sleep, go anywhere without thinking of him, nothing.. but in the long run, its just experience that's good to have and have over and done with. Go out and make contact with people. Socialize. Meet new people so the old can fade away.

ok my ex just called and she text saying to call her and its about 11:11 what the hell is she trying to do. is she over me or is she playing games, or does she want me back?



Oh wow.. sayy something insinuating that you're busy, ask can it wait?

Her response will most likely give off some kind of hint as to what she wants

What do you think she wants she's been calling like crazy... I want to call and hear her voice but I don't know

I thought she was telling you to call her?
Has she called after that?
If not, text what I said before..
To find out.
Cause I have no idea.. she could want anything.. but most likely you.

Yea she did and I called back like 2 times and she did not answer she's screwing my fu*** head

Okay no more calling her.


You shouldn't have.


But its okay if you look at it as you tried returning it, but she didn't answer. So screw her.

No contact,remember?
If you let her get to you,you end up with this confusion and it sets you back.

Ignore her.

I am so sorry but I just break the no contact rule. I had a talk with her and I ask her what do you want to do. Do you want me to just leave and just vanished from your life 4eva. She said no I've never said that she said we just need to take a break and talk more and hope we fix things out. I ask her if she wants to go and see other people but she said that she doesn't want to and she wants to keep talking so we can get this worked out. What do you think she is saying. I am lost and confused I want to believe her but also I don't want to end up hurting, do you think she really do want to make this work one last time is she just playing games.

What does your instinct tell you?
If you feel your not done with her yet, then go with it..

But please don't make yourself so available to her, or else she'll take advantage of your apparent vulnerability to her. Don't just give yourself to her, make sure she knows you mean business.. or else you do have a lot more pain coming your way cause you will be taken advantage of. Just don't make it so easy. Remember, you have a say in this too. She needs to know that.. she can't be running the show like that.. she's playing you like a puppet.

Most often this means something along the lines of'I'd like to keep you hanging around as a backup plan'.

If there are issues in a relationship,you work on them within the relationship.

Why break up and then continue to talk?


Go back to NC.

Most often this means something along the lines of'I'd like to keep you hanging around as a backup plan'.

If there are issues in a relationship,you work on them within the relationship.

Why break up and then continue to talk?


Go back to NC.

Yeah.. she doesn't know what she wants right now.. she's a mess.. and she wants you to be something on the side for when it suites her. Keep you in check. Not cool.

Dear lord...

OK... well... go back and look at that entire pattern...

She calls, you freak... she calls again, you freak... you breakdown and talk and what do you end up with?

Nothing.

She says she hopes you guys can maybe work it out.

OK... what the hell does that mean? Give me some details. What specifically is being worked on?. cause if I told you my car wasn't quite right and you said to drop it off and you'll look at it... well... it isn't going to get fixed by wishful thinking.

Yes... I completely understand its good to step back now and then... its even good for people in great relationships to give some space...

But ALL that happened tonight is she reaffirmed her power over you. A few phone calls and you are a puddle. And after its all done you have NO IDEA why you are talking, what's better, what's being worked on... as far as I can tell.

If I'm being a hardarse its cause I've been where you are and I've wasted way too many nights feeling like you felt tonight... and repeated it over and over... like you probably will... until you finally stop.

So...

You are not ready to be over her and you aren't frustrated enough to follow NC and that's OK. Its your lesson to learn.

When you date someone, expect it to hurt when it ends. It should not be a shock.

Expect that hurt to stick around. For a lot longer than you want. And try to accept that it is not something you need to "fix" at all costs... let yourself hurt so you can get through that critical part in shorter fashion.

And, while I don't think anyone should waste energy in too many head games, understand that every time you give your ex power over you, and that's exactly what you did tonight, its like starting the process all over again... and you might cycle through this over and over until she's ready to move on... essentially by "being there" you are helping her get over you while you are still stuck. Awesome.

k.

I'm stepping out so others can help. I just don't have anything more I can add.

You really had taked to my heart on that one. Thank you Kp. But one question how am I being there how am I helping her get over me. I'm not an expert on relationship and I don't have that many experiances on it. My mind is telling myself that if she really did move on or if she really is taking to another man, then why is she txting me and wanting me to call her. Please help me cause I feel like cause you guys are finally making this all make since. Could it be that she really wants a break or what are the signs that she might be talking to some one else. I just have so many questions in my head and I hope you guys can answer them. Are all women the same when it comes down to breaking up. How would I know when its over its really over.

"..how am i being there how am i helping her get over me. "

By making yourself so available and at her feet. Now she's under the impression that she can do what she wants and you'll still be there when she's done.
Girls just want validation, their goal is to see you go crazy over them. You are very near officially giving her her validation. And once she gets that.. it's on to the next one.

"..if she really did move on or if she really is taking to another man, then why is she txting me and wanting me to call her."

Same thing.. she wants to find out how vulnerable you are. And how much power she has over you. Her answer will effect her next moves.


Maybe next time you get stuck talking to her say something sternly along the lines of:
Listen, your really screwing with my head right now.. just call me when you're done with the mind games and ready to be serious and know what you want.

"Coruzzi" is there some way where I can turn this on her... I mean how can I get her feeling the way I am feeling. Is there any way or am I just out of luck. How can I stay in contact with her but I don't make it seem like I am available and vulnerable.

You can do that by the NC rule!
It is indeed absolutely possible. And actually bound to happen if you put the effort in, It isn't easy though. You must suffer through it.
But like I said before, the results are well worth it. :)


Just tell her what I told you to say at the end of my last post, and from there. NO CONTACT.

So lets say once I do the no contact do you think she will just eventually move on and forget about me? Or what do you think is going on her mind

No, not at all.. quite the opposite..
The only one that might get over it and move on is you!
Try.


But yeah, quite the opposite, it'll drive her nuts, she'll wonder where you are, what you are doing, why you aren't talking to her, if you're moving on, talking to someone else, all these questions will be running through her mind. Probably already are.
But that's not even the main reason for NC. The main reason is so that she can be thrown off her pedistool and thing wait, why isn't he at me feet right now? It'll backfire. And things will change as soon as that hits her.

NC will stop the mind games, so you can get your mind back, and see her for what she is, Then you can decide if she is worth it, or not!

NC is no contact whatsoever, NONE, NADA, KAPUT!

You might even learn something you need to know!

So let me ask you this. IF a girl been with this guy for awhile you two have your fight here and there but most of all you two spend all your time together and you two were so much in love and then you two break up do you think a women can move on so fast and run into another guys arms. I'm not hurting as bad as I was but I want her to atless feel the pain I went through and for her to know that I did my best to be the best man that I can be.

Honestly no, it's not hard.
But these guys that are there to run to just see a vulnerable chick and see it as easy access.

She'll be making a huge mistake if she does this, and she'll find that out, and there you go, she'll feel that pain. And more. Cause she'll also have lots of self pitty for being so dumb and missing out on something so great.

Coruzzi can I atless text her but that much and not show too much emotion and not let her think that I am vulnerable. Do you think that is also as effective or just do the whole no contact

NOOO CONTACT! That would be the most expressive way to do it..

Ok so I've been in no contact for about 3 days now with my ex now. Pain comes and go as time passes by. This morning a got a missed call from her. I'm wondering why she called me, and what is the reason why she called. So bad I want to give her a call back and want to hear her voice but I know I have to stick with the no contact. What do you think I should do, should I call her and ask what does she wants or should I just leave it alone. Thanks everyone for the help

LEAVE IT ALONE!
NOOOO CONTACT!

Hang in there, you've gotten this far, don't give it up now!
It'll get easier as time goes by.

I know I haven't called her. But why do you think she called? Thas what I've been wondering all day today

Probably to get you right back where you were! Don't fall for it. Don't be anyone's puppet!

Geez guy, contrary to popular belief, none of us is psychic, or that smart to know why she called. We just know exes do. And that you should stay NC.

Exes need to stay that way!

I know you guys are right. But is it natural to have be thinking if I call her and have a good conversation and maybe both of us might works things through. That's just what's been going on in my head the what if's, maybe, and is she calling cause she wants to work things out.

i know you guys are right. But is it natural to have be thinking if i call her and have a good conversation and maybe both of us might works things through. thats just whats been going on in my head the what if's, maybe, and is she calling cause she wants to work things out.


How long until she wants space again? She knows she has you right where she wants you. If you want to come through this with yourself respect intact, then leave her alone or better yet, tell her to leave you alone!

Your right kitkat. Another question to ask, why do getting back together rarely works? Have anyone tried and made the relationship even better. Just questions floating in my head

your right kitkat. another question to ask, why do getting back together rarely works? have anyone tried and made the relationship even better. Just questions floating in my head

Sweetie, I'm sorry you're hurting. Please listen to me, don't get caught in that web again. I'm worried you are going to get hurt worse the next time. Please think and pray about this. Somewhere out there is a wonderful girl for you. Someday you'll meet her. But right now let yourself be happy again... Bless you!:):)

All your questions are pretty normal at this stage,but whenever a question pops into your head,try to distract your mind by thinking of something else.

The few people who actually get back together seldom make it in my opinion,as the problems that split them up are most often still there and are not worked through.

Let go of false hope,and allow yourself to heal.

Think about what we have told you.

Yes I am really thinking about it hard. Thank you guys for giving me a good advise. I just can't help but think if there is a little bit of hope that me and her can get back together. But I know its all false hope. I just hate it when one moment I don't think of her and then I just feel like a huge blow to my heart and I start thinking about the good times we had. I know it sounds stupid but that's what's been going through my mind everyday. I've been keeping myself busy, but I still think of her. I am going to stick with the no contact and I am not going to take things slow and wait for her that's for sure. I want to live my life like before and know me again. I just hate having the feeling that she is the only reason that can stop this pain I am feeling. And she is the only way of my happiness I know it sounds stupid but it is what it is. One more question, Before we both broke up her dad was put in the hospital and he had to get a surgery, He will be there for atless 6 weeks and when she was with me we use to visit him everyday, I guess her dad and I kind of became friends, but when she broke it off I haven't seen him since, is it wrong for me to go and see him and just see how he is feeling. Or should I Not cause we are no longer together. Thanks for the help

I'd say no contact with her dad either. Any contact with an ex's family members usually only means more confusion.

As for your pain,you are the only one who can work on stopping it.
And you are,by keeping busy and sticking to no contact.

Allow yourself time,and be patient with yourself.

Thank you so much amicon. Why does it means more confusion if I go see her dad. Just wondering?

I'd say any contact that is likely to give you any kind of info about an ex,will probably confuse and upset you.

NC proper means no contact and no updates whatsoever.

Sometimes that means,sadly, that we lose people we have grown to like.

Hey buddy..

Its normal what your going through, what's going on in your head.. that pain that's off and on...

That means your healing.
Slowly but surely.


She's trying to contact you. That should give you the satisfaction you need. Tell yourself, HA she's calling, she's going crazyy right now and really wants to talk to me..

Why else would she call you?


The hopes you have may not be false.. in time, if it was made to be you will be with her again,kick back and let nature do its thing, trust in it.

Thank you for the explanation amicon, it really helped. It really does suck that you have to ignore people you grow to like because your ex had broken up with you. But I guess that's how the rule of relationship goes.

Corizzi thanks for uplifting my spirit I needed that, I didn't thought about it that way, that she's going crazy, it makes since why she called. I just want to heal properly, and if we do get in contact I want to make sure all my feeling of pain is no longer there. But I doubt it that I do ever want to get back with her, I had no life when I was with her. I did more in life eversince we had broken up and its only been a week, then the whole time we were together. I know she wasn't good for me, But I just can't stop thinking how beautiful she looks and I may not find anyone as gorgeous as she is, is that natural?? I think I had fallen in love of hers looks. More then her personality. Can that happen.

corizzi thanks for uplifting my spirit i needed that, i didnt thought about it that way, that she's going crazy, it makes since why she called. I just want to heal properly, and if we do get in contact i want to make sure all my feeling of pain is no longer there. But i doubt it that i do ever want to get back with her, i had no life when i was with her. i did more in life eversince we had broken up and its only been a week, then the whole time we were together. i know she wasnt good for me, But i just can't stop thinking how beautiful she looks and i may not find anyone as gorgeous as she is, is that natural??? i think i had fallen inlove of hers looks. more then her personality. can that happen.

Absolutely. You fell in lust with her!
Easily confused.. two similar feelings.
Happens to the best of us.

&wow.. yes you really are better off without this broad. I'm sorry, ha
Think of it as a hookup with a hot chick that was fun while it lasted.
And now look, this hot girl is going crazy over you.. but you're too good for her ;)

You're getting your life back-great!

Not a lot of inner beauty,though,so good riddance.

Personally,some of the bestlooking guys I've dated were sadly lacking personalities to match the looks.

I'm not saying that's always the case,just my own experience.

I know I can finally focused on my business that I just opened with my best friend 2 months ago, when I was dating her she doesn't want me to work that much and she didn't want me to really go any where to do business, and I have to go out to get clients so I can generate money. But she always make that guilt trip that if you love me stay here with me. I know I fell in lust but I have been in denial for a while about it. I'm glad that I can finally focus on my future and better myself but I just keep thinking that I need her for some stupid reason. If I think logical I know I can't go far with my life if I have her, but through emotion I need her. I think I got to start feeding my logic then my emotion. I keep wondering why she doesn't want me to work hard, I keep explaining it to her, that if the business does really good I can give her a life that she couldn't even imagine, but it didn't process through her head I guess.is it because she just turn 19 and I just turn 23 does that make the difference. I know what I should do but my emotion wants to stop me from doing it. Sucks really does.

i know i can finally focused on my business that i just opened with my best friend 2 months ago, when i was dating her she doesnt want me to work that much and she didnt want me to really go any where to do business, and i have to go out to get clients so i can generate money. But she always make that guilt trip that if you love me stay here with me. i know i fell in lust but i have been in denial for a while about it. I'm glad that i can finally focus on my future and better myself but i just keep thinking that i need her for some stupid reason. If i think logical i know i can't go far with my life if i have her, but through emotion i need her. I think i got to start feeding my logic then my emotion. I keep wondering why she doesnt want me to work hard, i keep explaining it to her, that if the business does really good i can give her a life that she couldnt even imagine, but it didnt process through her head i guess.is it because she just turn 19 and i just turn 23 does that make the difference. I know what i should do but my emotion wants to stop me from doing it. Sucks really does.




It would be a shame to see you waste your hard work on her when she contributes nothing. You want her for someone to look at and just be with. When in all reality, you're better off without her. You just need to re adjust to life without her in it. For now! At least.
She's still young, she doesn't know what she wants and its apparent she's still in an immature phase. Age doesn't make a difference all the time.. but in this case, it seem she's too immature. She likes to play mind games.. and likes the attention that they bring her.
I think you should let this one go, or else your in for a heckk of a ride..

Go with your mind,not your heart.
You need her like you need a hole in your head.:-)

Good luck with your business,its great being ones own boss.

Yea it is good, I have no one to answer to but myself. Its really a blessing to God that I found this with my friend. I know that she is immature and she doesn't contribute on anything. I truly do want to listen to my head instead of my heart. I guess the problem was I had put her in the center of my life and that's what really hurt, cause now I got nothing that's what my heart is saying, but logically I gained everything for losing her. It's a blessing future wise to lose her but I just don't like the pain I am dealing it's a first to ever get my heart broken and I hate it alooot. When I was going through my laundry I saw some of her cloths in it my it just broke my heart and felt like a knife was going stabbing it. Is not natural, to be feeling that way, I also saw some of the papers she wrote in and that only that has enough power to bring back memory and made me think that that's her hand writing she wrote on the paper and it broke my heart. I hate relationship after I get through this I never want to ever fall in love it just hurts too much when you lose them.

Get rid of all her stuff-pack it away somewhere you won't have to see it,or throw the things away.

She doesn't deserve you! You have followed your dream and now you are starting a wonderful new life. DON'T LET HER WRECK YOUR PLANS!

Thanks you guys. Yea I am doing my best to move on with my lie, but I just can't help but think how could she just move on so fast after all the things me and her went through. I'm here hurting and I bit she's there txting a different guy saying the things she use to say to me, kiss him the way she used to kiss me, holding him the way she used to hold me. I am in pain after all the things I have done for her this is what I get, I get a text message when I am away from town doing business work, saying that it was over, not even a respect to wait till I get back in town and say it in front of my face. How low is that a text message to break it off after all the things I've done that's what she does to me. I guess its what I get for giving my heart to an immature girl. I'm hurt but also in angry for what she did.

Justified anger is good -it will help you move on.
When people treat us like rubbish its OK to feel angry.

Hopefully,once you are done being angry,you'll start to accept its over and move on to feeling indifferent.

We're here whenever you need to vent! LOL

I hope this anger does turns into healing. Yea I still haven't accepted the fact that it is over, I'm still holding in this hope that we may have a chance for some reason, is that what all of the people feel when they loss their big love. As much as I want to believe that it is really over, I can't help looking at my phone every time a text or call is coming. Just that glance of hope a guess I don't know it this is healthy for me at this moment. Its been 4 days doing no contact and I am very proud of myself for going this long. Besides healing what other benefit do I gain for not doing NO CONTACT

I hope this anger does turns into healing. yea i still havent accepted the fact that it is over, i'm still holding in this hope that we may have a chance for some reason, is that what all of the people feel when they loss their big love. as much as i want to believe that it is really over, i can't help looking at my phone everytime a txt or call is coming. Just that glance of hope a guess i dont know it this is healthy for me at this moment. its been 4 days doing no contact and i am very proud of myself for going this long. besides healing what other benefit do i gain for not doing NO CONTACT


Good for you sweetie! I'm applauding:p You feel as if your heart will never heal, but it will. I promise. You stay strong and remain NC. Blessings

Its all normal.

I remember losing my first big love and thinking id never find another like that.

Well... you don't. You find OTHER loves... not the same experience. And thank GOD for that.

The problem with trusting NC is that you don't know the crap you aren't going through right this moment. Sure... you are still mucking through some ugly noise, but it isn't anywhere near as bad as when you are keeping in contact.

Even two people who are kind to each other and trying to not mess with each other... usually end up messing with each others heads.

NC centers you around you... lets you feel the things you need to feel (like anger, like frustration) and it makes her feel what its like to be without you... like we've said before.

If you were keeping more in touch, then you are keeping yourself vulnerable for the inevitable crash thatll come.

Sometimes its not the earthquake that kills... it's the aftershocks... so... NC pretty much makes you not have to use your currently skewed judgement to evaluate what she's doing with her currently poor and skewed judgement.

As a guy who has lost more than a couple of Big, Big Loves... all I can say is you're doing the right thing... you are broken up. Act like it. Believe it. Accept it.

We can accept things we don't want to be true.

No contact is the best tool for ending the confusion and getting back to thinking with your head instead of your heart.

It helps you regain your dignity and selfrespect as you are taking charge of your own life.

And it does kill that bad friend,false hope.

Take the advice you have been given!

Thanks everyone for the advice its really helpful. Here's a question it might sound stupid but I don't know the answer, how can I accept the fact that this relationship is over. How can I program it on my head that there are no chance of me and her getting back together. I know it sounds weird but if you guys can give me an example that would be helpful. Thank you for helping me. I am trying my best to think that's its over but my emotion keeps thinking about how great we both were, I know its really stupid I don't think about all the bad things she did to me but I just think about the good times we had. Thaks again

Get rid of any reminders. Gifts and photos and change your number or at least block hers. Stop thinking you all can work this out you can't. When you start thinking about the good times, think about what the bad times feel like.

but my emotion keeps thinking about how great we both were, I know its really stupid I don't think about all the bad things she did to me but I just think about the good times we had. Thanks again

I know its hard when your not sure what to do and only through being dumped several times did I learn,

Stop all contact no matter what tempts you.

Disappear from their lives (forever)

Do my own thing.

No matter what your feeling break ups are seldom about the person dumping you, but the way it makes you feel (lousy, reality really lousy). But what really matters is how you cope with those feelings. That's what NC is really about, coping with your feelings, and accepting reality.

NC is but a tool to accomplish a job, as doing your own thing, allows you to recover, through rebuilding.

Yes we all have those good memories, that make us feel those intense feelings all over again, but play the whole thing (just to be fair about it) and the bad memories have their own intense feelings. That's reality, as the good, and the bad, are taken as a whole experience.

You have to deal with both.

Thank you for the explanations, it makes a lot of sense. Ok so here's what happen a few hours ago after my friend and I left our business. We were driving back home we are roomates and a business partner, anyway my friend looked at his phone and he got a text from her saying "Hey is glen there" and we were both were wondering what duh? And my friend said she called Monday and she text you today what the heck does she want? I am wondering what's going on her mind. Ohh and as I was typing this she actually called and then she text him to say "till glen goodbye forever" what is she trying to do, I don't get it, I don't know what she wants, all of a sudden she just starts calling and txting, should I call her and ask what she wants or just leave it alone I am confused? What do you think it is please help!!

Glen,you ignore her.

Sometimes this is the kind of reaction you get with NC,the ex is insulted that you're no longer there to mess around.

Its mindgames,hoping for a reaction so they can keep the deck stacked in their favour.

Again,ignore-dont break NC,
Ask your friend to block her number and keep moving on.

OK so she txted my friend again saying that if I still love her and if I am talking to any girls. Why would she say that what should my friend text back?

He should IGNORE her.
No replies-let her stew in it,she made her bed,let her sleep in it.

I know I am not going to talk to her. But what do you think she is trying to say?

I can only guess,as I 'm not her-she's most likely angry as she feels she has lost her power over you.

So she starts pestering your friend.

That's my guess,as that's usually how manipulative people with inflated egos act.

Thank you amicon for the advice I really appreciate. There is one thing my friend and I have been talking about. WHy is it when women dates a jerk they complain and complain about how mean they are and how they don't get treated right but they go and keep giving them more than second chances. And after they get their heart broken again and the same thing they come back to them. But then when they finally find the guy that they have been looking for and they get treated they way they should, then later they come to you and say they need space or take things slow. What's up with that. I think its really stupid is it cause they don't know what they want or the nice guy is just to boring for them.

You're very welcome.

As for your question,its never easy to come up with a conclusion that covers all options-we are all different individuals,possibly some people are drawn to the 'bad boy/girl' scenario.

That's just my opinion though.

You may have given your heart to a very insecure, confused person who couldn't handle a good thing, or she just didn't appreciate what she had, or didn't deserve what she had. Take your pick, as the reasons are endless.

Its been 5 days since I did the no contact rule, as you guys can see that my ex called on Monday and she text my friend a lot last night and she called last night also. Today I just got a text from her mom that she will be picking up her stuff tomorrow like the things she had left in my house, I currently just moved and I don't want to see her mom and I don't want her to know where I live, question to ask, why is she all of a sudden txting and wanting to pick up her daughters things? I don't want to see her I hate her mom and she hates me, I don't know why she's the one that wants to get it. Ohh and my ex doesn't have a driver license I know she's 19 and she can't drive. What should I do what should I say. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

its been 5 days since i did the no contact rule, as you guys can see that my ex called on monday and she txt my friend alot last night and she called last night also. Today i just got a txt from her mom that she will be picking up her stuff tomorrow like the things she had left in my house, i currently just moved and i dont want to see her mom and i dont want her to know where i live, question to ask, why is she all of a sudden txting and wanting to pick up her daughters things? i dont want to see her i hate her mom and she hates me, i dont know why shes the one that wants to get it. Ohh and my ex doesnt have a driver license i know shes 19 and she can't drive. What should i do what should i say. any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Box up her things and have them waiting outside for her!

Better yet drop her stuff off if you don't want her knowing where you live, and leave. ASAP

OK so here it is again. My friend got a text from my ex around 12:24 saying "you still havent talked to glen" then at 12:42 she text again and said "tell glen to call me and that i love him thank you" does she really feel like she need me in her life and she finally know how it feels living her life without me. I don't know, I haven't talked to her for 6 days now, I have kept the NO CONTACT rule so I haven't reach out to her. Can anyone explain why all of a sudden she's doing this. Should I call her and ask what she wants. Had this happen to anyone of you guys. This is the first for me so I don't know what to do in this situation. PLease help I need it thank you.

She wants a spare boyfriend around. Like a spare key just in case she loses the other.

Why the F** would she do that. I don't get it if she wants it over then why would she be all playing and stuff. I hate this relationship stuff. Did this happen to a lot of people, they stay off contact from the ex then the ex goes and starts calling like hell.

why the F** would she do that. I dont get it if she wants it over then why would she be all playin and stuff. I hate this relationship stuff. Did this happen to alot of people, they stay off contact from the ex then the ex goes and starts calling like hell.

Look you need to stop overthinking this. There are what if's and why's we all have in our lives. Move on and by your post I see she has you all upset again. That's the idea and you are falling right into her trap! Get yourself a set , and tell her to leave you alone!

She is a manipulative controlfreak who can't stand NOT being in control.
Ask your friend to delete her messages and block her number.

I know she's a controlfreak but can you give me a example of a manipulative person I haven't gone across that kind of person and I don't know the diff sorry.

Control freaks. These are those people who insist on having their way in all interactions with you. They wish to set the agenda and decide what it is you will do and when you will do it. You know who they are – they have a driving need to run the show and call the shots. Lurking within the fabric of the conversation is the clear threat that if you do not accede to their needs and demands, they will be unhappy.
Certainly, it’s natural to want to be in control of your life. But when you have to be in control of the people around you as well, when you literally can’t rest until you get your way … you have a personality disorder. While it’s not a diagnostic category found in the DSM IV (the therapist’s bible for diagnostic purposes) an exaggerated emphasis on control is part of a cluster of behaviors that can be labeled as compulsive generally characterized by perfectionism, orderliness, workaholic tendencies, an inability to make commitments or to trust others and a fear of having their flaws exposed. Deep down, these people are terrified of being vulnerable. They believe they can protect themselves by staying in control of every aspect of their lives, including their relationships. Control freaks take the need and urge to control to new heights, causing others stress so they can maintain a sense of order. These people are riddled with anxiety, fear, insecurity, and anger. They’re very critical of themselves their lover and their friends, but underneath that perfect outfit and great body is a mountain of unhappiness. Let’s look at what makes control freaks tick, what makes you want to explode, and some ways to deal with them.

The Psychological Dynamics That Fuel a Control Freak

The need to control is almost always fueled by anxiety – though control freaks seldom recognize their fears. At work, they may worry about failure. In relationships, they may worry about not having their needs met. To keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they try to control the people or things around them. They have a hard time with negotiation and compromise and they can’t stand imperfection. Needless to say, they are difficult to live with, work with and/or socialize with.

Bottom Line: In the process of being controlling, their actions say, “You’re incompetent” and “I can’t trust you.” (this is why you hate them). Remember, the essential need of a control freak is to defend against anxiety. Although it may not be apparent to you when they are making their demands, these individuals are attempting to cope with fairly substantial levels of their own anxiety. The control freak is usually fighting off a deep-seated sense of their own helplessness and impotence. By becoming proficient at trying to control other people, they are warding off their own fear of being out of control and helpless. Controlling is an anxiety management tool.

Unfortunately for you, the control freak has a lot at stake in prevailing. While trying to hold a conversation and engage them in some way, their emotional stakes involve their own identity and sense of well-being. Being in control gives them the temporary illusion and sense of calmness. When they feel they are prevailing, you can just about sense the tension oozing out of them. The control freak is very frightened. Part of their strategy is to induce that fear in you with the subtle or not so subtle threat of loss. Since the emotional stakes are so high for them, they need to assert themselves with you to not feel so helpless. To relinquish control is tantamount to being victimized and overwhelmed. When a control freak cannot control, they go through a series of rapid phases. First they become angry and agitated, then they become panicky and apprehensive, then they become agitated and threatening, and then they lapse into depression and despair.

Are you serious man?
Do you really think this makes sense?
You say you went NC for 6 days!6 days is nothing you need to be strong cause this is the beginning you don't need to ask yourself why this why that?
Jeez the girl is not for you! Tell your friend to stop telling you about her text messages or whatever she does.
NC means you have to tell yourself this person does not exist anymore:
Don't plan a futur together,
Stop thinking about the past,
Stop wondering why this or that,
You need to understand it's the end she's playing like that cause you allowed her to.
Say NO!
PS:don't want to sound rude but I was at this same point 3 months ago and help desk was there to open my eyes.

You keep NC, and get your dignity and self respect back, and you will deal with this control freak on a level that you won't take any more bad treatment from her.

She wants to apologize so she can suck you back into her grips again, so don't fall for that.

I suggest you tell your friend to tell her to stop calling him, looking for you, and stop being her messenger boy. That would be what I would do. And that's the message to send, as she will get the hint you're no longer available for her BS!!

You can get over this . Don't wallow in your misery. She doesn't want you. I'm sorry but what else is it ging to take to make you see this girl is bad news.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get some backbone. Women despise weak men who come crawling back when they snap their fingers.

why the F** would she do that. I dont get it if she wants it over then why would she be all playin and stuff. I hate this relationship stuff. Did this happen to alot of people, they stay off contact from the ex then the ex goes and starts calling like hell.

Believing that your ex is over you before you are over her/him is maddening.

So... you break contact off, show a backbone, show you intend to not be a puddle of goo... and she is threatened by this.

Don't take her concern for your moving on as being proof she loves you. She most certainly loves feeling in control.

And honestly... who doesn't want to feel like you moved on before your ex?

But she's having a little panic attack because you are doing what is needed for you, and you aren't focused on her... how to get her back, how to win her attention, how to massage that ego...

I opened the very first post I wrote in this thread with a quote from your OP

when i dont talk to her i fell ok, but once i talk to her i start feeling the pain over and over again. what should i do?

The answer still is avoid her. For all the same reasons.

"right" isn't always fun or easy.

Hey guys, I want to let all you know thank you for all the help. You guys had really given me good advice, and I needed it. I am finally re directing my thoughts about her. I am thinking every second that this relationship is over and its been over way before she ended it. I hated myself for thinking that their was a slight chances of hope. So I'm ready to move on and finally to finally have some peace in my heart and on my mind. Thank you everone once again for helping me get through this.

I've done NC with every Big Love breakup but one.

Sometimes right out of the gate. Sometimes after I spend too many weeks, even months, trying to be in that middle ground that just isn't firm footing while you are still wanting more.

The one that I haven't done NC with is the ex with whom I have a child. I simply cannot do NC... but I can do extremely limited contact. We are kind, cordial, and limit our relationship as best we can to being nothing more than parents to a common child we both love.

Accepting that whatever labels there used to be... lover, friend, etc... those were all attached to a relationship that is not just blended into this new one... is hard to do, and powerful when you can do it.

Every time I'm with her, I'm drawn to her. I know I can't be with her. Know its not healthy for either of us. But that primal connection is real and present and there. I'm not over her and I'm not going to be for some time... and the best way for me to keep from driving myself mad is just to self talk my way into a better place.

I remind myself of our new relationship and its boundaries and try my best to not let the old relationship clutter the new one. And I limit my time, big time. I can't do NC, but LC is the next best thing... tho' its much, much more taxing than NC in my experience.

Like I've said before... anytime anyone is trying to move on after anything traumatic... give yourself permission to have those moments when you feel like crap. Anticipate them. Expect them. When it happens, you need to say "ah. yeah. there is it. was wondering when my anxiety might jump"... and then keep talking yourself into staying on track.

I've heard that it can take 6-8 weeks to change a new behavior into a habit... that when its something we don't particularly find easy to do, we should give it easily two months of honest and deliberate trying before we can expect it to be something we just do and less of something we have to force ourselves to do.

Most of my big love breakups... it took much longer to really get over them... but it probably took those few weeks or months just to be ready to start getting over them.

You know you can and will do this!

NC really works-echoing KP, I too have always done NC,except with the father of my child,for obvious reasons-and I have always found it to be a great healing tool.

Good luck,and come back when you need to.

Thank you so much KP and amicon I am so glad you guys are helping me. Today I got a phone from a number I didn't know. I thought it was a customer cause we use our cell as a business #. So when I picked it up it was my ex, she start saying "what were you doing i saw your picks in facebook and you were getting drunk and you were taking picture with this girl". I was still in shock and I didn't know what to say, and then she said I'm only here with my friend amber and all we do is watch a movie, and then she said do whatever you want then I said OK you to then I hang up. Few min later she tried to call again but I ignored her then she text me saying I was going to take you back but then I c all that sh** f**ck you didn't change at all your f** the same as back then! Gross bt its guna be like that fine f** it. Then she called and she text again, then again, u F*** screw up you want me bk prove it! Go F** them bit***s I am done kring 4u get all drunk F** that it grosses me out. I text her back saying if you want to work things out then will talk if you don't then we have no reason to ever contacting each other, we were no longer together so you have to reason to get mad.


I don't know why she said that cause when we were dating I stopped doing everything, stop talking to everyone I know. She didn't like all my friends and I stopped going to all the parties. All I can say is why is she going crazy, I really do want to move on and not having her in my life, but she keeps doing this guilt trip, after I sent that text she hasn't responded. What do you think this is, did any of your ex had done this kind of stuff. Am I really the bad person. Why did she starts getting mad and stuff. I am so confuse at this moment. Am I wrong? I know this is long but thank you for reading it. Any advice would help thank you!

She. Is. A. Manipulative. Controlfreak. Who is p****d off big time that puppydog isn't towing the line anymore.

Read and reread.
Then read again.

Now just IGNORE her.

Please.

OMG ! Man do you know that we are on page 12, more than 100 answers to your post.
Sorry it is a shame that you come to ask this question after saying you were over her and thanking KP and Amicon. Don't thank them cause the truth is you say you want to heal but you obviously don't do much for it.
You should not ask again why is she doing this or that and you know it.
If you plan to spend your life going back and forth please don't waste your time coming here.
Sorry to sound rude but I think you have to understand whatever we tell you , you go back, keep stupid asking questions: why is she doing this or that?what is she thinking?
You broke up or what?
I know NC is hard but there are plenty of people doing it with success.
But to be in this place one day you need to stop feeding this foolish and be a man.
Jeez the girl is not for you!!
Whatever she says or texts it doesn't mean anything.
Read the title of your post and read the answers. How do you feel about yourself?
This girl treats you this way for one reason :YOU ALLOWED HER TO.

I am so glad you are not with her. I do not find any decency or worth in this girl’s action and language. She is psycho crap, and her behavior smells so bad. I wonder how you found her attractive in the first place.

Please stay away from this useless, abusive, but only worthless drama crap FOREVER.
Do you know you can claim the civil case with her text message and phone calls? She is harassing you.
You are nuts if you miss her or think you want to go back with her even for a second. Thank god, she left you. If you left her, she would kill you. She is just obnoxious and out of control.
SMAILE, ignore her forever, and move on!

Please, please hang out with a nice and decent girl in future (only after you resolve this mess.)
Good Luck!

Somebody needs to wash her mouth out with soap.

Buddy...

k...

Should we just stop posting and just loop the last week of posts over and over?

Cause a week ago I told you to watch the pattern...

She calls. You freak. She calls. You freak. She freaks. You breakdown and talk (and don't think I didn't see that you told her "if you want to work things out then we can talk").

You wind up posting here. Asking what to do. Nothing changes.

Yes, you seem to maybe be making some progress, but it is really a surprise that she still acts like, well, her?!

Cause she still IS the same person as before, just ticked off she can't manipulate you...

So...

I don't know... I think it is absolutely NO surprise to the people here on your thread that this keeps happening.

Are you really shocked? Like this is new behavior? Buddy... what the hell is new?

EXPECT

HER

TO

FLIP

OUT

AND

CAUSE

DRAMA

And please... please... stop asking why is she doing this? You've been told over and over and over.

You've been told its not pretty sometimes when a breakup goes bad.

So try a little bit harder to be patient. Try to expect from her nothng more than what you are getting (drama and noise) and try to appreciate how moving on from this is going to feel so much better in time.

But you can't teleport from here to there.

So suck it up and expect the worst from her and expect yourself to hold the line.

She is mad because you are trying to move on and that threatens her. Period.

And thank GOD that you are seeing this now before you spent months or years more on somebody who is so controlling and hateful.

By the way

I'm just b!tchy today...

But really... EXPECT the noise

btw

im just b!tchy today...

but really... EXPECT the noise

Look take the advice and stop asking why she is doing this. Who knows maybe she's a wants to see how long she can watch you hang on. I don't know what else to say. You keep asking we keep telling you what you should do! I'm sorry but it's like beating a dead horse.

I know I just realized that I am going in circles when she gets in contact with me, I don't mean to, it just happens. KP and Kitkat thank you for being upfront and tell me how it is. I need to know and see my faults. Its not that I'm not listening I am, you guys had really made me opened my eyes on seeing the kind of girl that she is. And I thank you for that, cause if I didn't stumble into this website I know I would be at her knees begging for her, and yes KP I am buying myself a backbone.

To let you guys know that it is getting easier to move on each day, I am getting used to doing the things I am now doing and it feels good. I want you guys to be truthful and you guys had been so thank you.

I'm sorry but it's like beating a dead horse. it might sound like it but I am listening to what everyone's advice, just in the moment when she gets a contact with me I get lost and confused. Guess I'm not that strong yet, but I am stronger now then the first time I got here, so please be patient with me. I know you guys are frustrated but I am listening to every word that is put in this thread so thank you very much for the help.

If we come across as impatient,its probably because,to us,its easier to see what she's up to-we have no emotional investment in the situation.

As you are the one who came here asking for advice,we are trying to help you get past this as quickly as possible.

I'll say it again,onehundred %no contact will stop all this confusion.

Trust me on that one.

I know I have been doing that this past week, she called my cell phone with a different number and I can't change my # cause its also used for our business #. I'm not trying to contact her at all haven't even tried to pick up the phone and dial her number, it just when I got that call I was shock and didn't expect it to be her that's what happened.

When she sneaks back in to your life simply keep it short, polite, and be too busy, and unavailable, to be drawn into any conversations about her past, and don't let her use your confusion against you. That's best accomplished by not listening to her.

Leave the woman alone! Do you like being miserable? If you do let her do wahat she's doing. Get a leash and give it her and say, "okay baby, even though
you have cheated, lied and made me feel lower than dirt, I'm willing do be your little puppy, just to be around you". You might as well she might even let you come in out of the doghouse sometime when there's not another big dog in the picture! You need to stop whining and pull yourself together tell her she's not worth it! If your lucky IN TIME there will be a NICE girl who comes along and if you are still whining over this one, you'll miss the boat.

I did keep the conversation short once I realize it was her

That's a good step in the right direction, as she will get the hint sooner, or later. Meanwhile, I hope you're doing your best to getting a life that you enjoy. Then these out of the blue contacts won't shock you, confuse you, or throw you off, because they will have no meaning to you, nor will they even distract you from what you're doing for your own happiness.

Time is on your side if you're busy.

Move on and chalk this one up as a learning experience and you won't make the same mistake again.

Good Luck and Blessings

Yea I am moving on with my life, she had been trying hard to contact me this whole week but I have kept the no contact going. Its rough I know but its getting better and better everyday. And when the loneliness do come back I just expect it to happen like what kp2171 said welcome it when it comes. So that's what I have been doing, its weird though cause what I'm thinking now its different to how I was thinking before. Thank you all for finally opening up my eyes, I finally see that I am better of without her. I know I don't want to be with her anymore, its not worth my time. So again thank you for being here when I needed you guys, I'm taking this day by day and each day passes also my pain fades.

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!

Hey-you're very welcome.

Its seems you've turned the corner now-great.

Stick to NC and stay strong.

Glad to hear things are OK right now...

Like I said, expect it to cycle between highs and low... usually in time the swings become less severe.

And sometimes you just can't get out of your own head... but, again, that's just part of the process. Its easy to trust the process on the good days... its harder to believe its working on the rough ones... but that's when you remind yourself that healing isn't about burying or avoiding pain or hurt... its about working through it, and that usually takes longer than we would like

Showme... I'm so glad to hear from you. I can be very outspoken and very caustic at times. I only hope it helped and I'm so glad to hear you are doing better! I'm glad you posted again.

Hey everyone so I was doing so good on doing the NO CONTACT, but all day today I just started to miss her. I need you guys help on how to stop thinking about her, I just feel so alone and its pissing me off. I tried doing everything to stop thinking about her, but for some reason it just keeps coming back, I don't want to break the NC cause of this feelings. But for some reason its worse then before. Why is that? Why do you think this is happening. I really want to move on with my life but this feeling just hit me like a speeding train.

You know, coping with your feelings is mostly a matter of focus, and knowing yourself. I think when people get into a good routine, and have made a plan, then they know what to do, when they feel certain ways.

Ever wonder how you never trip, when your thinking good things, or doing things you like? But when we are bored or idle dong nothing, old memories creep up and stir old FEELINGS.

When I think bad things, or want to change my thoughts, I always do something physically, that changes the focus. Clean closets, polished shoes, change channels, anything to change the focus. (okay been awhile for those things, but you get my point).

This site is great when you can share experiences with others, and see what they are going through, and even know how they feel. I have noticed you answering other questions with some good, helpful advice, and I have to believe that helps a lot, and after a few hours of typing, I usually fall out, and I think so will you, so that's a start in the right direction. Just get busy when the thoughts get you down, and always have something good to do.

Stay strong man don't contact her. Re read your earlier posts about how you know your better off without her. As tine passes we are under the impression it's supposed to get easier but that's not always the case. Some days are really much harder as time goes on. But as for getting your mind off her, I know it's hard just keep trying to entertain yourself. I donno how old you are, but I'm 22, and when I think of my ex I just play some call of duty with friends, watch a movie like Rambo or something, and if sh keeps creeping up in your head, try and make yourself hate her. Instead of dwelling on good things, think about her not so good qualities. We are here for you pal

Your right talaniman, I usually get home late from working on my business. But today I wasn't that busy so I guess that's why I have this old feeling back. Its just so amazing how much power this feeling can have over you if you have no strength to handle it. I'm doing my best to not contact her and I haven't yet so thank you.

The_original I am doing my best to stay strong. Yea I know I am re reading my post, I just turn 23 this month and yea man just trying my best to cope with this emotions. Today was just the worst feeling for some reason. I don't know why. I did every thing I used to do when a thought of her comes but it was just to powerful. I'm better now, I guess it was just the moment I know I'm never going to get back out with her that's for sure. But when this emotion comes Its not so much getting back but just to hear from her you know what I'm saying. But thank you all for giving me this advice it really helped me from taking my mind of her.

your right talaniman, I usually get home late from working on my business. But today i wasnt that busy so i guess thats why i have this old feeling back. Its just so amazing how much power this feeling can have over you if you have no strength to handle it. I'm doing my best to not contact her and i havent yet so thank you.

YOU can do it! I know you can! I have confidence in you although I have gotten mad at you. Please don't let yourself down nor the people here. I know you can stay strong! Good Luck Buddy:D

When those thoughts hit you-as they will on occasion,that's normal,like Tal said,get busy.

Have a backup plan.
Watch a comedy dvd,go for a run or come here and help out.

And know that those feelings will go away with time.

You're doing well,so pat yourself on the back.

Thank you amicon, yea that's what I have been doing Since I posted thread. I was just reading darkdays post, and when I got done reading it made me feel better to know that some one has it worst then I do. I have been keeping myself busy but today I wasn't really busy with the business so I guess I had a lot of free time for my mind to float away. I just hate, I hate her for making me feel this way. I know I'm better off though but just can't help my thoughts. Ohh one more, listening to break up music some how makes me feel better do you know any songs about breaking up.

thank you amicon, yea thats what i have been doing Since i posted thread. I was just reading darkdays post, and when i got done reading it made me feel better to know that some one has it worst then i do. I have been keeping myself busy but today i wasnt really busy with the business so i guess i had alot of free time for my mind to float away. I just hate, i hate her for making me feel this way. I know i'm better off though but just can't help my thoughts. Ohh one more, listening to break up music some how makes me feel better do you know any songs about breaking up.

You are going to get through this show me. I'm counting on you!

Hey guys, so its been awhile since I had any contact with my ex, and plan to keep that forever. But here is a little dilemma, all this week I had my ups and downs but I was good so far, kept myself busy and did what I have to do to heal, then Saturday came and I got invited by my brother to go and party with him and all his frats and friends. When we got there, he had introduce me to this girl he was friends with, she was really cute and out going, smart and seems to get all her things together. Only one problem she has the same name as my ex. We both talked took lots of pictures and even invited me to dance with her. After they left I couldn't get her out my head, do you think she has any interest on me? Then all of a sudden I started missing my ex, then I woke up this morning still missing my ex, is this feeling normal, what do you think I should do, should I ask my bro for her number or ask him to hook us up together or should I just focus on myself till I heal completely. I really did had a good time but for some reason I still can't get my ex off my head while I talk to other girls. Other thing, if it is good for me to contact other girls, how can I contact her without her thinking weird about me. Do you think it's a good idea to get her number from my bro, or should I just have him tell her that I'm interested on her and I want to talk to her. What do you think I should be doing. Thanks a lot

hey guys, so its been awhile since i had any contact with my ex, and plan to keep that forever. But here is a little dilemma, all this week i had my ups and downs but i was good so far, kept myself busy and did what i have to do to heal, then Saturday came and i got invited by my brother to go and party with him and all his frats and friends. when we got there, he had introduce me to this girl he was friends with, she was really cute and out going, smart and seems to get all her things together. only one problem she has the same name as my ex. We both talked took lots of pictures and even invited me to dance with her. after they left i couldnt get her out my head, do you think she has any interest on me? then all of a sudden i started missing my ex, then i woke up this morning still missing my ex, is this feeling normal, what do you think i should do, should i ask my bro for her number or ask him to hook us up together or should i just focus on myself till i heal completely. i really did had a good time but for some reason i still can't get my ex off my head while i talk to other girls. other thing, if it is good for me to contact other girls, how can i contact her without her thinking weird about me. do you think its a good idea to get her number from my bro, or should i just have him tell her that im interested on her and i want to talk to her. what do you think i should be doing. thanks alot

Everyone goes through this as they get over someone! You can do it!

Your feelings are normal at this stage,its still a bit of a rollercoaster.

A word of advice-meet and get to know new people-but don't jump into a new relationship.

Rebounds are not a good thing.

Heal properly before you even start thinking of future relationships.

Thank you guys, yea I am seeing new people and I'm not jumping in a new relationship, I don't want any relationship for a long time but soemtimes I feel like I want a girlfriend. But I'm doing my best to heal the proper way. Thank you guys for being here and helping me heal, it is getting easier and easier each day.

thank you guys, yea i am seeing new people and im not jumping in a new relationship, i dont want any relationship for a long time but soemtimes i feel like i want a gf. But im doing my best to heal the proper way. thank you guys for being here and helping me heal, it is getting easier and easier each day.




Glad to hear it! You can get through this! We're all here for you!:)

Thanks every one. I'm really moving on faster then I thought I would, Last night I had a dream about her on and off but for some reason I feel no pain, I don't even miss her when I woke up. Still feel a little lost every morning I wake up but the pain I feel is no longer there when I wake up. Thanks again everyone. Its almost been a month since she broke it off with me, and I'm healing faster then I thought I would. I still miss her here and there but not as bad as before. NO CONTACT does really work aslong as you apply it. For the new people that just got their heart broken, please take it from me, staying in contact with your ex doesn't make any better except it only makes you want her even more. Stay no contact its hard at first but when you continue with it, each day does gets better and better. I thought it wouldn't work at first but I was wrong, it takes time and patience and the longer you don't stay in contact with your ex the more you realized that you can do better. Like what KP said, there is a billion of girls here in this world one girl can only make you happy.

thanks every one. I'm really moving on faster then i thought i would, Last night i had a dream about her on and off but for some reason i feel no pain, i dont even miss her when i woke up. Still feel a little lost every morning i wake up but the pain i feel is no longer there when i wake up. Thanks again everyone. its almost been a month since she broke it off with me, and i'm healing faster then i thought i would. I still miss her here and there but not as bad as before. NO CONTACT does really work aslong as you apply it. For the new people that just got their heart broken, please take it from me, staying in contact with your ex doesnt make any better except it only makes you want her even more. Stay no contact its hard at first but when you continue with it, each day does gets better and better. I thought it wouldnt work at first but i was wrong, it takes time and patience and the longer you dont stay in contact with your ex the more you realized that you can do better. Like what what KP said, there is a billion of girls here in this world one girl can only make you happy.

YEAH! WAY TO GO! Here is a big HUG:D

Good work-keep going-stay around,you give good advice and are helping others-way to go!

Hey every one so here is an update. Around 12:57 Am I got the same text twice from my ex saying "its funny how you say you love me but do nothing to prove it well have a nice life and iam done waiting goodbye glen now all we have are memories goodbye:)" I don't get what she is trying to do. When I got that text so mad I want to text her back and say I want to fight for us, but that was just my emotion at the moment, so I didn't and I stop and think and I feel good. I am continuing to do NC and I will always, I don't want to be her friend now or forever, I am finally having my life. I just want to ask why do you think she did that, I don't get it. Just a question that's been going through my mind. I feel better but still I have her on my mind on and off but not as bad. Thanks again to all of you, if I didn't found this site I know I would jump in her trap and get myself hurt really bad. So thank you, I really do appreciate all your help

Glen,keep ignoring her-mindgames and she is frustrated because you don't bite.

Goodbye forever,she already said that,sorry,but one word comes to mind,loser.

You're well rid of her.

Thanks amicon yea I know she said that many times, it sucks cause when I get that text it makes my heart jump. But I am doing better then ever. I don't know why she's doing that mindgames. Does she have a life, why does she have to bother me.

She 's a manipulative controlfreak,that's why.

Can you change your number?

Or block her.

I tried but my phone company don't have it in their system for some reason, I can't change my # cause its also a business #. I can see that cause her mom is very manipulative and a controlfreak over her. Can she get that trait from her mother?

Possibly-children learne from their parents,I guess.

Can you change your actual cell,some come with a block function.

Haha man women love it when you ignore them... it's kind of funny actually once they lose the power. Staying NC was the best decision of your break up man, because as you said in my thread, it would have been reset back to day 1... and now you have some power and she is losing hers... it should put a smile on your face. I don't know how many other threads I have read where people break NC... think they are doing the right thing, only to realize they made things worse, and thus feel worse (myself included)

You give us all hope... wheres emopunk he needs to read more threads like this

haha man women love it when you ignore them...it's kinda funny actually once they lose the power. staying NC was the best decision of your break up man, because as you said in my thread, it would have been reset back to day 1....and now you have some power and she is losing hers.....it should put a smile on your face. I dont know how many other threads i have read where people break NC....think they are doing the right thing, only to realize they made things worse, and thus feel worse (myself included)

you give us all hope....wheres emopunk he needs to read more threads like this

Good for you!! You are doing great! Proud of you!:)

Hey everyone so here is an update about my ex. She change her number and called me, I was surprised that it was her, its been awhile since she tried contacting me. Again I have done no contact and all I've been trying to do is move on with my life. Will here's what happened, We were both talking and she said that she misses me a lot and that she still do love me, and that she wants to work things out, while we were both talking she told me if I still have her things. When she moved out, some of her things was still in my house, so I gathered them all and put it in the box, anyway I drop off her things and I thought it was just a hi and bye, she got in the car and then started crying, she was saying that she misses that old times and that we both had been through a lot. She said that she wants to talk more and work things out so we can get back together. After I had done the NC she is doing her best to get incontact with me, I know you guys are going to get mad but part of me do want to talk and work out the issues that broke us apart, and part of me just don't want to deal with her and just to move on.

Do you think if two people talk and tried fixing the issues that it can work out for the best? or is it just all a fantasy. I have not done anything to contact her, she had sent me a text here and there before, and I didn't replied. Do you think she's playing this mind games or did she really realized what she lost. If you guys can be honest and don't hold back with your advice I would highly appreciate it.
Thank you for taking your time to read my post.

Less than 3 % of the people who break up get back together-and about 1% of those 3 manage to work through their problems.

That's statistics,as far as I've been able to check it out.

Dismal prognosis,don't you think?

And rereading your post,I would have to say,don't go down that road.

I still think your ex is a first class manipulator.



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Less than 3 % of the people who break up get back together-and about 1% of those 3 manage to work through their problems.

Thats statistics,as far as I've been able to check it out.

Dismal prognosis,dont you think?

And rereading your post,I would have to say,dont go down that road.

I still think your ex is a first class manipulator.



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I agree with Amicon. Don't do it!:eek:

hey everyone so here is an update about my ex. She change her number and called me, i was surprised that it was her, its been awhile since she tried contacting me. again i have done no contact and all ive been trying to do is move on with my life. Will heres what happened, We were both talking and she said that she misses me alot and that she still do love me, and that she wants to work things out, while we were both talking she told me if i still have her things. When she moved out, some of her things was still in my house, so i gathered them all and put it in the box, anyway i drop off her things and i thought it was just a hi and bye, she got in the car and then started crying, she was saying that she misses that old times and that we both had been through alot. She said that she wants to talk more and work things out so we can get back together. After i had done the NC she is doing her best to get incontact with me, i know you guys are going to get mad but part of me do want to talk and work out the issues that broke us apart, and part of me just dont want to deal with her and just to move on.

do you think if two people talk and tried fixing the issues that it can work out for the best? , or is it just all a fantasy. I have not done anything to contact her, she had sent me a txt here and there before, and i didnt replied. Do you think shes playing this mind games or did she really realized what she lost. If you guys can be honest and dont hold back with your advice i would highly appreciate it.
thank you for taking your time to read my post.

I wouldn't do it man. We have talked about this before you and I haha and from what I recall of your story man I don't see it working. If it was meant to be, she would have stayed with you and wanted to work it out when the problems first arose. But she didn't, and she has lost what she had. You are better than that bro, I agree with amicon she sounds like a first class manipulator, crying to get the things that she wants, etc.

I've always felt that one way to tell if an ex is truly SERIOUS about getting back together is they will approach you being very calm and level-headed, admit their faults as well as yours, and they will want to take steps to rebuilding the relationship... as opposed to crying and texting everyday which sounds to me like she is still acting on emotions. No person makes rational decisions when acting on emotions, and your ex needs to do what YOU have done, take control of her life and her problems and be happy without you. Once that's accomplished for both sides only than should a reconciliation take place. Good for you for sticking to NC though dude, I think if you stick to it, a few weeks/months down the line you will be glad you didn't try to work it out.

Ask yourself... is this girl really worth all the heart break again?

i wouldn't do it man. We have talked about this before you and I haha and from what i recall of your story man I don't see it working. If it was meant to be, she would have stayed with you and wanted to work it out when the problems first arose. But she didn't, and she has lost what she had. You are better than that bro, i agree with amicon she sounds like a first class manipulator, crying to get the things that she wants, etc.

I've always felt that one way to tell if an ex is truly SERIOUS about getting back together is they will approach you being very calm and level-headed, admit their faults as well as yours, and they will want to take steps to rebuilding the relationship...........as opposed to crying and texting everyday which sounds to me like she is still acting on emotions. No person makes rational decisions when acting on emotions, and your ex needs to do what YOU have done, take control of her life and her problems and be happy without you. Once thats accomplished for both sides only than should a reconciliation take place. Good for you for sticking to NC though dude, I think if you stick to it, a few weeks/months down the line you will be glad you didn't try to work it out.

Ask yourself.....is this girl really worth all the heart break again?







Helloooo... My answer would be... let me think a minute... NO !!!:(

You all have a good point, its kind of funny how its easy to give advice to others but when its happening to you, you just let your emotion give you all the advice, I know what I should do, I'm actually doing better then before.

Amicon only 3% and 1% of that makes it last. Woow that's a very low number compare to how many people are dating in this world.

Original NO she's not worth the heart ache again. I just hate it when I finally started to live my life she appears and wants to reconcile with me. I just don't know why she's doing this, She called it quits so why is she trying to get incontact with me again. And another thing she wants to see me tonight, and just talk. I hate her so much for making me feel this way. Sucks to feel like you have no control

you all have a good point, its kinda funny how its easy to give advice to others but when its happening to you, you just let your emotion give you all the advice, i know what i should do, i'm actually doing better then before.

Amicon only 3% and 1% of that makes it last. woow thats a very low number compare to how many people are dating in this world.

original NO shes not worth the heart ache again. I just hate it when i finally started to live my life she appears and wants to reconcile with me. I just dont know why shes doing this, She called it quits so why is she trying to get incontact with me again. and another thing she wants to see me tonight, and just talk. I hate her so much for making me feel this way. Sucks to feel like you have no control

But you do have the control, and that's the beauty of it. She is trying to get in contact with you again because she has no frickin idea what she wants. Her emotions dictate her actions completely right now, and emotions are not to be trusted in a situation like this because rarely are they rational. You have all the power in the world man, if her talking to you and seeing you drives you nuts and makes you feel shi**y... than don't let her. Take extreme measures if need be.


... So true about how easy it is to dish out advice though compared to actually taking everyone's advice

But you do have the control, and thats the beauty of it. She is trying to get in contact with you again because she has no frickin idea what she wants. Her emotions dictate her actions completely right now, and emotions are not to be trusted in a situation like this because rarely are they rational. You have all the power in the world man, if her talking to you and seeing you drives you nuts and makes you feel shi**y....than dont let her. Take extreme measures if need be.


....So true about how easy it is to dish out advice though compared to actually taking everyones advice

You won't be happy even if you do get back together... :(

Hey original yea man it does makes me feel sh@#y when I talk to her, just ruin my day for some odd reason. I hate it cause I want her but I know there is no future with her. I'm not trying to talk down on her but she can't contribute for my future, the only thing she has is only her looks, but either then that she has nothing.

Kitkat I know it won't work if we get back together, she got mad at me cause she saw picture of me and some girls, and that I have been going out and she haven't done anything. I its stupid of her to be getting mad if were not even dating anymore.

So s t o p talking to her!!

I did stop talking to her, I'm actually planning to move to Alaska for work maybe this summer so that's really going to help my healing. I just hate the feeling of being alone, I know it will get better cause I'm not feeling as much pain anymore.

I have a question to ask and I hope you guys can answer it.
For the past few days I have been dreaming about her. What do you that is, and how can I stop dreaming about that girl. I hate it cause you can't control your dream and stop it when it comes.

You can't stop,or change your dreams. My guess would be that its your subconscious working away at your healing,so you have to grin and bear it by quickly distracting yourself by thinking about something else.

As for being alone,you have friends and family and most important of all,you have yourself.

Thanks a lot amicon. I really do hate getting thus dreams, But when I think of it I don't feel any pain so that's a good sign right?

Yes,all you really need is time-time to get over this.

That's is why NC proper is important,it gives your mind and heart the opportunity to focus on you,and what you want and really need in your life.