clocks09
Mar 10, 2010, 12:26 AM
Yes, I know I will be hated on here very much so.
I really want advice to change and how to stick with being faithful in a relationship.
Here's my story, I'm 24 and I've been in 3 serious relationships my very 1st one was when I was 15 and he was 21.. I was with him for 5yrs- (ill call him kevin). He was my first love and I was young and thought he was the 'one' I was very much so obsessed with him. Two yrs into the relationship he started to cheat on me I accepted it because I felt I had to fight for his love and I never cheated on him till the end when I was tired of it. He hurt me deeply and I began to resent him, I didn't know how to end it so when I got a good job I met a sweet guy and that's where I started to go down hill moral wise.
I got extremely drunk one night and cheated on kevin with my co worker(mark) and hid it from him, I was having a hard time with kevin he took me for granted so many times.. so in my head he cheated on me so many times before I didn't care if I cheated on him it was to me like he deserved it.. so I went on and he finally found out and we both got into it.
After me and kevin broke up I started to date the co worker (Mark) I ended up not liking him he was the 2nd guy I ever been with and I started figuring out what I liked and what I was looking for. Mark was in love with me. He thought I had broken up with kevin before I started dating him.. I started to lie a lot and he eventually found out what really happened. In the end he forgave me because he loved me. But later on I wanted out so to avoid hurting him (Yes I know its stupid and selfish) I kept him dragging along till I found someone else.
I soon moved and got another job and when I met this 3rd guy (Dan) I made sure he was my type and lied to him and told him I was single for the first month we started dating- all the while I slowly pulled myself away from mark and ended up saying to mark 'I needed to find myself and I need space to figure out things' I blamed a lot of me leaving on him as well to pull away focus on me. I didn't want to be the bad guy since he thought so highly of me.. he obviously didn't know me. I was someone I wasn't when I was with him. I just wanted to weasel myself out.
I soon ended it with Mark and told myself I wanted to have a real relationship where it was pure communication and honesty and I knew I had to tell Dan that I cheated on Mark with him, he soon forgave me and I promised him I really wanted to make this work and I wouldn't cheat or lie to him.. everything was great, I was falling in love with Dan I never felt the way I did with anyone else but with him.. I was finally being faithful and honest for the 1st time, I dropped all my male friends and focused on us, but one night I went out with my girl friends to a club and ended up drinking way too much and a dude started hitting on me and I fell over him and kissed his necked when I realized what I was doing I stopped myself right away and left the club that night. I didn't kiss his mouth or anything else.
Here's where the karma comes... I was so insecure about what I had did that I tried to justify it as maybe Dan is cheating on me so I won't feel as bad because he was telling me stories that weren't adding up weeks before.. so he ended up leaving that month and I snooped in his emails and found out that he slept with an ex he was with before me while with me. I lost it and we got into it..
We broke up and months and months past, I was single and left it that way then me and dan met up and ended up getting back together. He promised me that he would never cheat or lie to me ever again. It has been perfect but every now and then I can't stop thinking about the cheating and I always thought he was doing something behind my back again.. He kept trying to assure me he would never do anything ever again and he hasn't done so.
He left to New york for business and Iam so consumed with what he did.
I constantly need attention I crave attention and it seems that I always want to be told how pretty I am or anything.
I planned on breaking up with dan because the long distance thing drives me nuts when I can't trust him or be with him. I cheated on him a few weeks after he left and I justified it by telling myself yet again well he's lied so may times he deserved it for hurting me.. After I cheated the guilt started to consume me.. I feel so horrible I don't want to be this person anymore.
Ive come on this site and read all these stories from all these people on here how they have a 'gut' feeling there partner is cheating and almost every example I read about- I see myself saying and doing the actions there partner is doing to them to hurt them and cause them pain & suspicion.
I'm that person who is lying and cheating, I'm that person who makes people cry at night and treats my partner lower then myself. I've disrespected my loved one and I hate it. I don't want to be this person anymore. But why do I still do it?
I hate feeling alone when he's not here, I hate needing attention when he's not around. I hate thinking he's doing something when I'm not around to watch him. I hate WANTING all this. Is this normal! Is it normal to crave attention from the opposite sex all the time not sexually but mentally.. I seem to get really depressed and lonely when I'm alone by myself. I call my guy friends and flirt since my boyfriend is busy and working all the time. I don't want to be this way anymore..
I've had conversations with Dan telling don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of me speech yet here I am doing it to him!
I told myself I would breakup with dan but I want to change FOR HIM. I recently stopped talking to all my male friends and dropped them from my life. I want to be faithful and I need advice on how to start..
Please be harsh and don't hold back on any advice I need to snap out of this ME ME ME attitude. I look at myself as an adult but I handle my love life so horribly. When ever he calls me I give him a guilt trip and tell him Im scared that he might be cheating on me since I'm not there.. is with me?
I really want advice to change and how to stick with being faithful in a relationship.
Here's my story, I'm 24 and I've been in 3 serious relationships my very 1st one was when I was 15 and he was 21.. I was with him for 5yrs- (ill call him kevin). He was my first love and I was young and thought he was the 'one' I was very much so obsessed with him. Two yrs into the relationship he started to cheat on me I accepted it because I felt I had to fight for his love and I never cheated on him till the end when I was tired of it. He hurt me deeply and I began to resent him, I didn't know how to end it so when I got a good job I met a sweet guy and that's where I started to go down hill moral wise.
I got extremely drunk one night and cheated on kevin with my co worker(mark) and hid it from him, I was having a hard time with kevin he took me for granted so many times.. so in my head he cheated on me so many times before I didn't care if I cheated on him it was to me like he deserved it.. so I went on and he finally found out and we both got into it.
After me and kevin broke up I started to date the co worker (Mark) I ended up not liking him he was the 2nd guy I ever been with and I started figuring out what I liked and what I was looking for. Mark was in love with me. He thought I had broken up with kevin before I started dating him.. I started to lie a lot and he eventually found out what really happened. In the end he forgave me because he loved me. But later on I wanted out so to avoid hurting him (Yes I know its stupid and selfish) I kept him dragging along till I found someone else.
I soon moved and got another job and when I met this 3rd guy (Dan) I made sure he was my type and lied to him and told him I was single for the first month we started dating- all the while I slowly pulled myself away from mark and ended up saying to mark 'I needed to find myself and I need space to figure out things' I blamed a lot of me leaving on him as well to pull away focus on me. I didn't want to be the bad guy since he thought so highly of me.. he obviously didn't know me. I was someone I wasn't when I was with him. I just wanted to weasel myself out.
I soon ended it with Mark and told myself I wanted to have a real relationship where it was pure communication and honesty and I knew I had to tell Dan that I cheated on Mark with him, he soon forgave me and I promised him I really wanted to make this work and I wouldn't cheat or lie to him.. everything was great, I was falling in love with Dan I never felt the way I did with anyone else but with him.. I was finally being faithful and honest for the 1st time, I dropped all my male friends and focused on us, but one night I went out with my girl friends to a club and ended up drinking way too much and a dude started hitting on me and I fell over him and kissed his necked when I realized what I was doing I stopped myself right away and left the club that night. I didn't kiss his mouth or anything else.
Here's where the karma comes... I was so insecure about what I had did that I tried to justify it as maybe Dan is cheating on me so I won't feel as bad because he was telling me stories that weren't adding up weeks before.. so he ended up leaving that month and I snooped in his emails and found out that he slept with an ex he was with before me while with me. I lost it and we got into it..
We broke up and months and months past, I was single and left it that way then me and dan met up and ended up getting back together. He promised me that he would never cheat or lie to me ever again. It has been perfect but every now and then I can't stop thinking about the cheating and I always thought he was doing something behind my back again.. He kept trying to assure me he would never do anything ever again and he hasn't done so.
He left to New york for business and Iam so consumed with what he did.
I constantly need attention I crave attention and it seems that I always want to be told how pretty I am or anything.
I planned on breaking up with dan because the long distance thing drives me nuts when I can't trust him or be with him. I cheated on him a few weeks after he left and I justified it by telling myself yet again well he's lied so may times he deserved it for hurting me.. After I cheated the guilt started to consume me.. I feel so horrible I don't want to be this person anymore.
Ive come on this site and read all these stories from all these people on here how they have a 'gut' feeling there partner is cheating and almost every example I read about- I see myself saying and doing the actions there partner is doing to them to hurt them and cause them pain & suspicion.
I'm that person who is lying and cheating, I'm that person who makes people cry at night and treats my partner lower then myself. I've disrespected my loved one and I hate it. I don't want to be this person anymore. But why do I still do it?
I hate feeling alone when he's not here, I hate needing attention when he's not around. I hate thinking he's doing something when I'm not around to watch him. I hate WANTING all this. Is this normal! Is it normal to crave attention from the opposite sex all the time not sexually but mentally.. I seem to get really depressed and lonely when I'm alone by myself. I call my guy friends and flirt since my boyfriend is busy and working all the time. I don't want to be this way anymore..
I've had conversations with Dan telling don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of me speech yet here I am doing it to him!
I told myself I would breakup with dan but I want to change FOR HIM. I recently stopped talking to all my male friends and dropped them from my life. I want to be faithful and I need advice on how to start..
Please be harsh and don't hold back on any advice I need to snap out of this ME ME ME attitude. I look at myself as an adult but I handle my love life so horribly. When ever he calls me I give him a guilt trip and tell him Im scared that he might be cheating on me since I'm not there.. is with me?