Yes, I know I will be hated on here very much so.
I really want advice to change and how to stick with being faithful in a relationship.

Here's my story, I'm 24 and I've been in 3 serious relationships my very 1st one was when I was 15 and he was 21.. I was with him for 5yrs- (ill call him kevin). He was my first love and I was young and thought he was the 'one' I was very much so obsessed with him. Two yrs into the relationship he started to cheat on me I accepted it because I felt I had to fight for his love and I never cheated on him till the end when I was tired of it. He hurt me deeply and I began to resent him, I didn't know how to end it so when I got a good job I met a sweet guy and that's where I started to go down hill moral wise.

I got extremely drunk one night and cheated on kevin with my co worker(mark) and hid it from him, I was having a hard time with kevin he took me for granted so many times.. so in my head he cheated on me so many times before I didn't care if I cheated on him it was to me like he deserved it.. so I went on and he finally found out and we both got into it.

After me and kevin broke up I started to date the co worker (Mark) I ended up not liking him he was the 2nd guy I ever been with and I started figuring out what I liked and what I was looking for. Mark was in love with me. He thought I had broken up with kevin before I started dating him.. I started to lie a lot and he eventually found out what really happened. In the end he forgave me because he loved me. But later on I wanted out so to avoid hurting him (Yes I know its stupid and selfish) I kept him dragging along till I found someone else.
I soon moved and got another job and when I met this 3rd guy (Dan) I made sure he was my type and lied to him and told him I was single for the first month we started dating- all the while I slowly pulled myself away from mark and ended up saying to mark 'I needed to find myself and I need space to figure out things' I blamed a lot of me leaving on him as well to pull away focus on me. I didn't want to be the bad guy since he thought so highly of me.. he obviously didn't know me. I was someone I wasn't when I was with him. I just wanted to weasel myself out.

I soon ended it with Mark and told myself I wanted to have a real relationship where it was pure communication and honesty and I knew I had to tell Dan that I cheated on Mark with him, he soon forgave me and I promised him I really wanted to make this work and I wouldn't cheat or lie to him.. everything was great, I was falling in love with Dan I never felt the way I did with anyone else but with him.. I was finally being faithful and honest for the 1st time, I dropped all my male friends and focused on us, but one night I went out with my girl friends to a club and ended up drinking way too much and a dude started hitting on me and I fell over him and kissed his necked when I realized what I was doing I stopped myself right away and left the club that night. I didn't kiss his mouth or anything else.

Here's where the karma comes... I was so insecure about what I had did that I tried to justify it as maybe Dan is cheating on me so I won't feel as bad because he was telling me stories that weren't adding up weeks before.. so he ended up leaving that month and I snooped in his emails and found out that he slept with an ex he was with before me while with me. I lost it and we got into it..

We broke up and months and months past, I was single and left it that way then me and dan met up and ended up getting back together. He promised me that he would never cheat or lie to me ever again. It has been perfect but every now and then I can't stop thinking about the cheating and I always thought he was doing something behind my back again.. He kept trying to assure me he would never do anything ever again and he hasn't done so.

He left to New york for business and Iam so consumed with what he did.
I constantly need attention I crave attention and it seems that I always want to be told how pretty I am or anything.
I planned on breaking up with dan because the long distance thing drives me nuts when I can't trust him or be with him. I cheated on him a few weeks after he left and I justified it by telling myself yet again well he's lied so may times he deserved it for hurting me.. After I cheated the guilt started to consume me.. I feel so horrible I don't want to be this person anymore.

Ive come on this site and read all these stories from all these people on here how they have a 'gut' feeling there partner is cheating and almost every example I read about- I see myself saying and doing the actions there partner is doing to them to hurt them and cause them pain & suspicion.
I'm that person who is lying and cheating, I'm that person who makes people cry at night and treats my partner lower then myself. I've disrespected my loved one and I hate it. I don't want to be this person anymore. But why do I still do it?

I hate feeling alone when he's not here, I hate needing attention when he's not around. I hate thinking he's doing something when I'm not around to watch him. I hate WANTING all this. Is this normal! Is it normal to crave attention from the opposite sex all the time not sexually but mentally.. I seem to get really depressed and lonely when I'm alone by myself. I call my guy friends and flirt since my boyfriend is busy and working all the time. I don't want to be this way anymore..

I've had conversations with Dan telling don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of me speech yet here I am doing it to him!
I told myself I would breakup with dan but I want to change FOR HIM. I recently stopped talking to all my male friends and dropped them from my life. I want to be faithful and I need advice on how to start..

Please be harsh and don't hold back on any advice I need to snap out of this ME ME ME attitude. I look at myself as an adult but I handle my love life so horribly. When ever he calls me I give him a guilt trip and tell him Im scared that he might be cheating on me since I'm not there.. is with me?

As a guy who has been cheated on by the two biggest loves of my life... all I can say is, well, stop it. There... wasn't that easy? Kidding. I couldve used my famously inappropriate line "youve been a bad girl now go to my room"... but I won't.

Here's a little mantra: forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Meaning you can't change the past... do your best to learn from it... but don't throw chains around your neck and let it drag you under.

So... you aren't going to get past this until you work through the need for self validation through others attention. You need to work through the process of understanding your feelings shouldn't drive your actions... your beliefs should drive your actions...

I seem to be on a roll tonight with the feelings/beliefs/actions lecture... I keep repeating it...

Anyway... so there's no harm in liking attention... but you're using it as a way to prop up yourself esteem... and nobody is going to make you feel anything... good or bad or whatever. Its got to come from you. Until you believe that you are all that and a bag o chips... and you really believe that... you're just searching for someone else to convince you that its true.

And lets face it... all the mental talk aside... its fun kissing a new person. The chase is great. The mystery is like a drug.

You also seem to have some issues with trusting others, and you know you use this to preemptively strike... you cheat first maybe because you expect them to... and why do you expect them to? Don't feel like you are worth their attention? Just asking.

I HATE it when people automatically go here, but I'm going here... have you ever talked with a counselor or therapist. It helps.

I'm a guy who thinks I should be able to fix any and all things, especially myself. I'm more than willing to help anyone else out, but hate seeking it for me. I'm just twisted like that.

Anyway... very first time I made an appt to talk to a therapist, I walked in absolutely hating that I was there... and I walked out glad I went. Its good to be able to talk to someone who is outside your circle, in a "safe place"... and who really isn't there to judge you one bit... they will help you work through the noise you're going through, maybe see through your bullsh!t and call you on it, and help you find ways to get to where you want to be.

So, do it. That's my two cent advice. Talking to a therapist doesn't mean you're a head case. Now me... I was a head case... just the truth. What it means is you are talking to a pro' about life and your struggles with it... and believe me... you won't be the first person who has done all you've done in their office.

Well, you didn't do it in their office... never mind.

So here's my plea to you... don't do what my lover did. She cheated on me. She got pregnant from him. Lied to me about it. My son is mine by love but not my dna, but I didn't know this until years of cheating had happened... it really took what could have been a good marriage and destroyed it. Flat out leveled it. I still love her. Even forgive her. But I can't be with her. Its so sad.

So... don't do that. You won't like yourself.

One of my fav books is gary chapman's five love languages... and it says couple feel and show commitment by the following: gifts, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

If you base any relationship too much on one thing... or base your happiness on one thing, its like a table with one leg... off balance and easy to fall. The more solid legs you have, the better.

There's a fundamental step that people who are addicts often need to take when trying to understand their irrational behavior... they must recognize that whatever their addiction (booze, drugs, sex, work, whatever)... it had become unmanageable and uncontrollable. They have to recognize how their behaviors are really insanities (not that they're insane people, just doing maddeningly destructive, illogical things). And they have to find within them a real desire to stop and seek out the help needed to change their behavior.

You are kind of asking for this. You don't want to be doing this. You don't like it. It causes chaos. And you are stating that you are ready for help and open to it.

I think that's great. Seek out a therapist in your area, if possible. If you don't know where to start, begin by looking at marriage counselors... they often have to deal with the issues you are working through. And don't be afraid to "shop around"... a good counselor is worth the search and they'll give you to tools to keep yourself righted.

I haven't been to one in some time, but every now and then ill drop in on one of two people I know and trust. Call it preventative maintenance.

Man, I'm in a rambling mood tonight. And I'm still jonesing for thai food.

OK It sounds like you're on the right path. You don't want to be this way anymore. I suggest breaking it off with Dan and spending time BY Yourself. Meaning no men, just leave them be until you can get used to being self sufficient. You feel you need a man and let me tell you you do not need a man to feel good about yourself. There are support groups that you might check into or talking to a counselor might be very beneficial for you. Try to find the reason you don't feel good about yourself unless you have a man around. There could be several reasons so I won't begin to guess.
I feel bad for Dan, he is the victim here. One cheat is not easy to get over, but it can be done. Two is too much. And TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.
Here is what I think you need to do. Get your life in order before you ruin anyone else's. There is also something to be said about the way you've been treated. It is possible that by your actions that you have invited mistreatment. (especially in the first relationship) I am sorry if this was harsh but please for men everywhere get some help with yourself image and try to stay alone for at least a year. It'll be great for you. (I was alone for a month (lived alone) and I hated it for the first two weeks but the last 2 weeks I loved it so much. (Oh fyi I am a cheater too and I am engaged and faithful) I want to add one last thing. The theory once a cheater, always a cheater is BULL CRAP

Your need for attention, and stimulation, makes you feel alive, but has led you down a sorry path.

If you want to change it, then forget relationships, and guys, and do something more meaningful for yourself.

You have been cheating your whole life, and been cheated on, so no wonder that's all you know.

Time to find something else your good at, besides latching on to guys that give you attention, and when you have found some self esteem, and some dignity, and some self respect, you can find happiness through accomplishment, and activities that benefit more than just your very damaged ego.

Lol sorry but I just don't believe you really want to change.
All your life is cheating , lying,trying to get attention.
You need to go and see a psychiatrist.
Learn to love and respect yourself .
Learn to live without needing attention all the time.
You need to live on your own until you're grown,cause you act like a child, you want everything.
You remind me of that Rihanna song: unfaithful.
Sad.

I think.. You need to be single for more than just a couple of weeks.

You go into each relationship dishonestly. You end each relationship with hurt feelings and resentment.

You need to learn to trust your own instincts. You need to learn who you are, what you need, and what you want out of life before you start sharing your life with someone else.

I don't think this calls for me telling you to "grow up" because grown adults who have been married for years are dishonest with their partners and cheat on them. So I think the remedy that you need more than anything, is to find yourself. Do some soul searching. Figure out what are the events that cause you to cheat?

The first person you gave yourself to cheated on you. Of coarse that's all your going to know. Its imprinted into you at this point.. But, you can recover from this. Maybe you need to find a new guy period? Maybe you need to start a new relationship with someone that is completely honest, doesn't have a track record of cheating and is willing to compliment you every day without you needing it.

You can snap out of this problem. All it takes is will power.