Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

So, my dad's a jerk. I don't want to go into details. Well, me and my fiancé have been together for nearly a year (will be a year on the 29th). I am terrified of so much because of my dad. I have, according to my friends, a warped view of reality. Where when a female loves a male, she completely submits to him in every way and he is her superior. Males I consider superior terrify me when upset, my fiancé accidentally raising his voice to me caused me to hide and cry. I don't see my fiancé often because we live at great distance so each moment we are together we try to cherish. It would be much easier to take full advantage of our time together without my constant fear due to abuse. No this not an attention post as someone has commented on another post, were I in want of attention rather than serious answers I would be posting something like "OMG My life totally sucks. Txt me!". Serious answers only please

It's common to feel this way. What you do to get over it is up to you.

There's no easy solution. What will work for one person won't work for another.

Have you considered therapy? Where is your mom in all of this? What does she say when your father is abusive to you? Have you ever reported him? Has your mom?

You're 17, you only have a few years left before you can leave and live your own life. Not a great comfort when you're living in an abusive home, but it's something.

I'm the opposite of you. Because of things that happened in my past, being molested as a child, raped as a teen, I cannot submit to anyone. I always have to be in charge of the situation because I cannot allow anyone to get the upper hand. I'm working on it. Thankfully my husband is a very understanding guy.

You can let this be a burden for life, or you can take the bull by the horns and help yourself. Counseling really is the best option. Don't let it scare you, if you find the right counselor (be prepared to shop around) you'll find that it's really easy to open up, get everything out in the open so you can deal with it. A good counselor can give you the necessary tools to do that.

Good luck. And yes, I did say you were seeking attention, because some of your other posts seem to be a bit off. We don't usually get someone new that starts one thread after the other. Most people ease into it. When someone comes here and does what you did, we start to question why. Stick around and you'll understand. ;)

I've gone through the same things as you as well, byt I try to pretend they never happened... My mum is like a best friend to me, or at least was. I recently realized she isn't protecting me and my brother as well as she should in our situation. She screams and states she can't take me and my father's fighting anymore. I started fighting back around age thirteen. She doesn't want him in jail, so she hasn't reported it. I don't want her in trouble for enabling it so I don't report it. I've seen multiple therapists, one who drove me to my third suicide attempt. I see a phsychiatrist but I don't trust him much. I also don't want law officials involved so I tell him bare minimum.

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. This isn't an easy situation.

One thing I did learn, and it took a long time to learn it, was that pretending that something bad didn't happen, doesn't work. Getting it out in the open, accepting it (no matter how horrible it is) and then moving on, that's the only way you can heal. Great, now I sound like a therapist. ;)

As for therapists, I tried many before I found one that I could work with. Most people aren't lucky enough to find the right one the first time out. This can really cause problems because most people think that all therapists are alike and they find one bad one and give up.

You have to find someone that you can be open and honest with. Someone that makes you feel comfortable. Please don't give up on that because therapy really can make a world of difference.

I wish I could give you some steps that would help, sadly there's not much more that I can offer other then what I've already told you.

I can tell you that this site is wonderful. A large part of the reason that I've accepted my past is because of the people on this site. So give us a chance. We're here to listen, give advice. You may not always like it, but we'll never lie to you, we'll always try to steer you in the right direction. :)

I'm always afraid of people not believing me. I posted my life story, asking for help, on a few teen advice sites and was never taken seriously. I also am so afraid of getting my mother in trouble. I know not all therapists are the same but my mum doesn't seem to think I need one because I take pills every morning for mental issues.

Obviously the pills aren't helping. Are you under a doctors care while on these pills? I take antidepressants and thyroid pills, I have to see my doctor every 3 months, even though I've been on the pills for many years. It's just to monitor how they're working and what the effects, if any, are.

A therapist and medication really is the best bet. Sadly you're not an adult so your mother is the one making these decisions for you.

If you're honest with me I'll be honest with you, that's a promise. I'll give you the best advice I can based on what you tell me. You may not always want to hear it, but I'll always tell you the truth. Deal?

I see Dr Richard Dyer at Intercare Mental Health Facility. He put me on Wellbutrin, Lamictal, and Adderall (I think I spelled Wellbutrin wrong). My next appoinment is on the 27th and I recently came to the decision that I have to tell him what's going on at home. But I'm so afraid of hurting my mum.

I see Dr Richard Dyer at Intercare Mental Health Facility. He put me on Wellbutrin, Lamictal, and Adderall (I think I spelled Wellbutrin wrong). My next appoinment is on the 27th and I recently came to the decision that I have to tell him what's going on at home. But I'm so afraid of hurting my mum.

Sweetie, if your mom loves you, which I'm sure she does, then you can't think about hurting her, you have to think about saving yourself.

She's in a tough spot too. She doesn't know what to do for you, how to get you out of this situation that she's also caught in. Telling someone, someone that can help, it's a major step. It's not easy, but things will be better once it's all out in the open.

You have to look out for yourself because obviously no one else is.

I've never cared about myself. Even my friends comment on how I put my own things on the backburner whilst I help others with trivial things. She's been in the same situation as I have. Only she escaped when she was very young. She knows how she can help. She just doesn't want my father being punished

From what you've written, I get the sense that you're afraid because you've essentially been passive. You're scared of abuse but you protect the perpetrator of the original abuse - your father.

Pretending that abuse hasn't happened does work - but only for a limited time. Eventually what occurs is that that the events and the trauma associated with the abuse come back transmuted into something bigger and better. Eating disorders, sleeping problems, obsessive compulsive behavior, self harming, relationship problems etc, etc can all be responses to having being abused and not dealing with it.

If you've seen therapists and psychiatrists then you will understand that the abuser frequently creates a dynamic where other family members get the blame for what is happening - i.e. you blame your mother for not protecting you enough, she blames you for arguing with your father too much. And, you continue to see therapists to manage all of this, but change can't occur because you aren't addressing the root of your problems - your father.

If your father has been molesting, raping or otherwise emotionally or sexually abusing you then he is breaking the law. He is a criminal of the worst order because he is defiling your rights as a human being to have a secure and loving childhood be part of a secure and loving family.

I honestly and genuinely apologize if this sounds harsh, but you and your mother are protecting someone that needs to be reported to the law. I understand that this man is your father, that you may love him, and that there may be a great deal of shame involved in what has happened, but why would you continue to condone this sort of behavior? You won't have any peace until he is judged by society for what he has done.

You are only 21, and already you're having problems with relationships and with the fear of being abused by someone else. That fear will eat into you and take over your life if you don't deal with its source - your father.

Your mother needs you to do this - she is as much if not greater a victim than you are.

I'm 17, and it wasn't him that molested and raped me. I'm not blaming my mum, I just know she should do more. I protect her, not my father. I typically blame myself for not being good enough to please my own dad.

I'm 17, and it wasn't him that molested and raped me. I'm not blaming my mum, I just know she should do more. I protect her, not my father. I typically blame myself for not being good enough to please my own dad.

You are the child! He is the adult. It's not your job to please him. It's not your job to starve yourself because he gets angry when you ask for food. It's also not your job to protect your mother, it's their job to protect you.

You really need to tell someone. You really do. I think you're ready to, don't you? Do you want things to continue the way they are? I know you don't. So tell someone. Let your father face the consequences of his actions, and your mother should face the consequences of hers. You're the child sweetie. You may be mature for your age, you may not be the typical 17 year old, but you're still their child and they aren't doing a very good job of being parents.

You need help. No one will know that you need it until you ask for it. So ask for it. Tell someone that can help you.

I am the kind of person that loves and cares for everyone, even if I "hate" them. Being the cause of their punishment would hurt me.

I'm 17, and it wasn't him that molested and raped me. I'm not blaming my mum, I just know she should do more. I protect her, not my father. I typically blame myself for not being good enough to please my own dad.

I don't care who molested and raped you - you need to talk to someone about it. Stop being the protector - it's not working. Stop blaming yourself - it's not working.

You are 17 (sorry, I don't know where I got that you're 21) and you should be the one being protected from all the fears that you harbor.

Things won't get better until you take action. This means bringing it all out into the open. It's scary, but you can start by talking in confidence to one of your therapists. Please tell someone, so that you can break this pattern of secrecy and abuse.

I told my fiancé

I am the kind of person that loves and cares for everyone, even if I "hate" them. Being the cause of their punishment would hurt me.

Continuing to allow them to punish you will hurt you more.

Is it time for me to tell you my story?

I don't do this often, only when I think it will help someone else, so here it goes.

I was molested by my cousin when I was a child. My earliest memory of it was at 5 years of age, I don't know what age I was when it stopped but it lasted for a few years. She (yes she) was my babysitter. My parents trusted her because she was family. I never told because she was family, my fathers sisters daughter. Even at the age of 5 I knew that this would destroy my parents, so I stayed silent.

Because of this molestation, I became a very easy teen. I started have sex pretty early on. I didn't care about myself, I didn't care about my body, so I let boys have what they wanted because it didn't matter to me.

When I was 18 I was brutally raped. It was a friend of my ex boyfriend. It happened in my house, in my bed, while my parents were away. Once again I kept my mouth shut. Once again I decided that sleeping around was the way to go. Better to give it then have it taken from you.

When I was 19 I met my husband. He didn't ask for sex right away. He actually treated me like a human being, like someone worthy of love, kindness. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to push him away. He didn't budge. We got married at 24 and we're still together now, have two beautiful kids.

I wish I could say that all my problems ended when I met him, but they didn't. I had major trust issues. I still have dominance issues, I always have to be in control.

When my daughter turned 5 that's when everything I'd kept bottled up for so long came flowing out with a vengeance. My daughter was the same age that I was when I was molested. I looked into that sweet innocent face and I saw me, the little girl that I used to be.

I had kept 5 year old me locked in a closet for a very long time. I wouldn't let her be a part of me. I couldn't accept her. Instead I locked her up, pretended she didn't exist. Do you know how much strength it takes to hold that closet door closed? When I finally opened it I found out.

It took a lot of talking, accepting and understanding to accept the 5 year old me, to accept that I wasn't to blame and to accept the fact that I deserve to be loved, that what happened to me doesn't define who I am, I do.

It took a lot of strength to accept myself for who I am.

The first step was to tell someone. After that, it was a lot of crying, a lot of talking, a lot of accepting. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and boy am I glad I did it.

So, do you have that strength? I think you do.

May I tell my story?

And you have my deepest respect for rising above.

may I tell my story?

and you have my deepest respect for rising above.

If you're ready to tell your story, we're here to listen.

I have to go for the night, morning comes early and I have to get up earlier then usual.

Princess (that's my nickname for you, it's shorter then your username) I'm online at least once every day so I'll see what you write tomorrow.

Take care of yourself, eat your pretzel (maybe with mustard instead of butter?) and sleep well. :)

Talk to you tomorrow.

My entire life has been trauma.

Age three was my first car accident. My mother saved my life by throwing herself over me. That same year I was first molested by my cousin, only a few years older than me at the time. He said my parents would hate me if I told. And dad would be mad. By then I had learned angering daddy was bad, he was a drinker and abusive to my mother.

Age four, dad had begun to be cruel to me.

Age five, my first suicide attempt. I also moved away from my school, where I finally had started to socialize.

"Joshy" continued to molest me until he moved away. Age six, he got his friend (still my neighbor) to join in. They forced me and his sister to pose like the girls in a playboy they found.

Every two weeks, for a full week "Joshy" was over our house (my gram's we lived with her), and would repeatedly make me play sex games with him. My pappy, the only male in my life kind to me at the time, dies of cancer.

Age seven my family moved out on our own, and dad increases his violence, though he has stopped drinking. For three years this continues, as his cruelty and the cruelty of classmates increases with each passing day.

Age ten, my best friend moves away, however my cousin does as well. We move back into my gram's old house and my bedroom is the room in which everything started. Dad increases his violence towards me and others begin to notice my spiralling depression.


Eleven, my little brother is born. I come home crying one day and tell my dad about some mean things kids said to me at school. He told me to put down my sandwich and look in the mirror. That was what started my cutting and eating disorder. "Joshy" comes to visit, reminding me of everything.

Twelve, a flood washes away nearly everything we own. My grandmother dies. My second suicide attempt.

Thirteen, I begin expressing myself in poetry, for which I am severely punished. The dark style causes my parents to get me help, the woman made me feel worse and that everything is my fault. My beginning into drugs and drinking. Then a third suicide attempt.

Fifteen, I quit drugs. Dad continues getting more and more violent towards me. I lose 85lbs and gain unwanted sexual attention. Dad, high, molests me thirteen times, thinking I was mum. I begin to see another therapist.

Sixteen, begin taking meds. One increases aggression and I have the most memorable fight with my father. He loses his job. I meet my fiancé who stops my fourth suicide attempt during our first conversation. Five days later, we get together. Dad slowly lessens his violence.

Seventeen, I stop cutting and "making up" for eating (vommitting). I get engaged and give myself to my fiancé. The neighbor rapes me in my bed, causing the blood stain my foot is touching. Dad goes back to normal. I learn that I'm abused.

I have to go for the night, morning comes early and I have to get up earlier then usual.

Princess (that's my nickname for you, it's shorter then your username) I'm online at least once every day so I'll see what you write tomorrow.

Take care of yourself, eat your pretzel (maybe with mustard instead of butter?) and sleep well. :)

Talk to you tomorrow.

I decided not to have a pretzel, here I come chocolate bar! Thanks and good night

o! I forgot to put in my finding out about my brain tumor and the tywo other car accidents

My fiancé desperately hates my father, if you've read my previous posts you know it is for good reason. My fiancé is normally a very gentle and passive person. Rarely resorting to violence. However he has great desire to inflict harm upon my dad, who truly does deserve it. How can I get my fiancé to ignore his presence and not focus so much on him?

What is the reasons behind this? All you can do is convey how you feel to them, tell them that you love them both and if they share the same feelings to put their differences aside for the sake of you

I don't love them both. I hate my father. Who loves my fiancé to death. But both him and I despise my dad.

Threads merged.

My fiancé asked me to go to the guidance office and tell them about everything my dad has done so he'd go to jail or at least me and my brother would be taken off him. But my mum yelled at me the other day about how my life isn't so bad. He hasn't beat me up in a while but he does threaten me constantly and hit my brother and mum. Mum made this huge deal about how her life when she was little was much worse. I usually obey my fiancé, but I just don't know what to do.

You shouldn't have to obey anyone,you should do what you feel is right for yourself.
What your father does is very wrong and should be reported.
Somebody has to break this cycle of violence and not allow it to continue.

You shouldnt have to obey anyone,you should do what you feel is right for yourself.
What your father does is very wrong and should be reported.
Somebody has to break this cycle of violence and not allow it to continue.

I'm just naturally obedient to my partner. My dad used to be very very violent, however it's been a few weeks since he's hit my mum, a couple days since he hit my brother, and months since he's hit me. My mum did make valid points- no one is dying, her life as a child was much much worse. I'm so afriad of hurting my mother's feelings... But I want to obey my fiancé

Threads merged

Many people tell me I'm too obedient to my fiancé. Friends, family, and random people all tell me I need to stop listening to him. He is far from abusive, the sweetest guy you could meet. I just happen to submit and obey immediately. He doesn't take advantage of this either. He does occasionally use it to get me to do what he wants. Things to protect me though, such as to take my medicine, to eat (I have an eating disorder), and when he knows something isn't right he will order me to get away from something or to go inside and lock the door. Is it really all that bad that I have given him total control of me, which he does not use?

Violence,in any shape or form should never be condoned.
I agree with your fiancé.

These types of problems aren't going to go away.

You can either hide away and pretend nothing is going on. Or you can take a proactive approach and try to solve the problems.

At 17 years old, it's difficult for you to carry all the burden yourself. I think it's time to conceed to the fact that you need some help. You've suffered enough and you deserve better than this.

What do you think the best course of action?

Never submit to anyone but yourself. NEVER

Obedience is for dogs, not humans.

Be true to yourself. What he is doing IS a form of abuse.

I would like to know how old are you?

You sound young
And giving your freewill up and letting someone else control you. Is just so wrong
You should be strong enough to control and think for yourself.

It seems any confidance or will or thought of your own.. has been knocked kicked or punched right out of you.

It's a real shame

I think you should seek help and get away from 80% of the people that surround you in your life, they are all doing more harm than good.

I think that you are losing your own identity in this relationship is a bad thing. It is always bad. Fiancé, boyfriend, mother, friend... it doesn't matter who they are you need to do what is right for you. If you don't know what that is you need to figure that out.

I think that one way or another, you need to talk to someone about the past. We are deeply, all of us affected by the past. Whether in a good way or a bad, it is there it is what we are the sum of.

I don't believe personally, that anyone is just naturally completely obedient. I think that this sort of obedience, and really it rubs me the wrong way to use the word obedience when we are not speaking of a child/parent dynamic and even then, well I'm digressing...

What I mean to say is you need to find yourself, who you are and what you think. If you don't do this well, if you are ever without a guide how will you survive?

Best of Luck.

I would like to know how old are you?

you sound young
and giving your freewill up and letting someone eles control you. is just so wrong
you should be strong enough to control and think for yourself.

it seems any confidance or will or thought of your own.. has been knocked kicked or punched right out of you.

its a real shame

i think you should seek help and get away from 80% of the people that surround you in your life, they are all doing more harm than good.

I'm 17
To anyone other than my fiancé, I'm the "fiesty short girl" who will "knock ya on yer @$$ soon as look at ya" (from the various descriptions my friends, teachers, family, etc have given me) To anyone else, except my dad, I'm the let freedom ring girl. But when it comes to my fiancé, I willingly obey everything he says. He doesn't make me. I choose to.

Why are all of these getting merged. I asked the two questions separately for a reason

Never submit to anyone but yourself. NEVER

Obedience is for dogs, not humans.

Be true to yourself. What he is doing IS a form of abuse.

My fiancé or my dad?

My fiance or my dad?

I think your dad.

But you need to work on the mindset of submitting to your fiancé. (From my understanding, it seems that if he gets the slightest amount upset, you kind of over-react?)

I think your dad.

But you need to work on the mindset of submitting to your fiance. (From my understanding, it seems that if he gets the slightest amount upset, you kinda over-react?)

Yeah, I do. But lately I haven't. I sat and thought about it for a while. What's the worst he can do if I upset him?
Hit me? He would never
Dump me? He loves me enough to ask me to marry him, that kind of commitment should take more than just a trivial argument to break
Yell at me? He rarely does. He's so sweet usually. And yeah if he yells at me, I'll cry but there's really nothing too scary about it

I just want to clarify something real quick. My fiancé never asserted power over me. He is very passive. When I agreed to be with him, I told him, "I am yours to do what you will"

He knows he has been given power over me, but doesn't use that power over me I've given him.

The worst thing he has ever done is at a party I meant to bite him lightly but accidentally bit too deep. He meant to tap me on the back but he's very strong compared to me, so he accidentally hit me. That's the worst thing he's ever done. And it was accidental.

He has pulled the dominance card on me a few times. Like when I refused to eat for a week, he said "I'm ordering you to eat your dinner now, you haven't eaten in a week. I'm worried." but nothing bad.

If your doing it willingly, that's a lot different than going along just because someone says so. You also sound as if you are not so obedient when it doesn't make sense to you. I think that's okay too!

The bottom line is are you comfortable with the way you do things?


Why are all of these getting merged. I asked the two questions separately for a reason

Everyone gets merged when the subjects are related, that's how we get the facts of a bigger picture, and keep the lines of all the threads in some rational order.

Why are all of these getting merged. I asked the two questions separately for a reason

Your threads were merged because they are all apart of the same problems and concerns.

I will admit that this is going to be harsh, but that harshness is not directed at you. You and your brother are the innocent parties in all of this.

You may not realize it but your mother has been adding to the abuse. It is emotional and psychological. You don't want to go to the authorities because of why? It might hurt her. She stopped being a victim years ago when she realized the man she married was destroying her children and did nothing to help them or herself other than rely on the 'my childhood was worse' defense. SHE has kept the cycle going and I worry that you may be well on the road of repeating her mistakes. If not you, probably your brother.

Princess, with your fiancé you are like the beaten puppy looking for love and a kind hand when it finds one it will do anything for that person all the while growling and snapping at the world (read the Dog forum about 'fear biters'). That isn't healthy for you or him. He loves and you love him. That is great. However, part of that love should be understanding that you cannot make another person responsible for your own happiness or your actions. It may not seem that way to you right now, but you are giving up too much of yourself for the security that he represents.

You can't continue to live in fear of anyone getting upset with you or what you are afraid they might do. Your fiancé raises his voice and you run off crying. That is emotionally damaging to him as well as yourself. If it hasn't started already, it will, at some point in time, start causing him to walk on eggshells around you for fear of how you will react. He won't feel that he can be open and honest with you or tell you anything negative. It is emotional control over what he thinks and what he does. A relationship cannot survive under that kind of strain. It needs both people working together to be strong and healthy.

Please tell a counselor or anyone (other than your fiancé) about what has happened with your dad. Just because he has slowed down recently does not mean that he won't snap and then it may well be a life and death situation. I don't think you want your fiancé caught up in what might happen.

If your doing it willingly, thats a lot different than going along just because someone says so. You also sound as if you are not so obedient when it doesn't make sense to you. I think thats okay too!

The bottom line is are you comfortable with the way you do things?



Everyone gets merged when the subjects are related, thats how we get the facts of a bigger picture, and keep the lines of all the threads in some rational order.

Yeah I'm comfortable with it

Your threads were merged because they are all apart of the same problems and concerns.

I will admit that this is going to be harsh, but that harshness is not directed at you. You and your brother are the innocent parties in all of this.

You may not realize it but your mother has been adding to the abuse. It is emotional and psychological. You don't want to go to the authorities because of why? It might hurt her. She stopped being a victim years ago when she realized the man she married was destroying her children and did nothing to help them or herself other than rely on the 'my childhood was worse' defense. SHE has kept the cycle going and I worry that you may be well on the road of repeating her mistakes. If not you, probably your brother.

Princess, with your fiancé you are like the beaten puppy looking for love and a kind hand when it finds one it will do anything for that person all the while growling and snapping at the world (read the Dog forum about 'fear biters'). That isn't healthy for you or him. He loves and you love him. That is great. However, part of that love should be understanding that you cannot make another person responsible for your own happiness or your actions. It may not seem that way to you right now, but you are giving up too much of yourself for the security that he represents.

You can't continue to live in fear of anyone getting upset with you or what you are afraid they might do. Your fiancé raises his voice and you run off crying. That is emotionally damaging to him as well as yourself. If it hasn't started already, it will, at some point in time, start causing him to walk on eggshells around you for fear of how you will react. He won't feel that he can be open and honest with you or tell you anything negative. It is emotional control over what he thinks and what he does. A relationship cannot survive under that kind of strain. It needs both people working together to be strong and healthy.

Please tell a counselor or anyone (other than your fiancé) about what has happened with your dad. Just because he has slowed down recently does not mean that he won't snap and then it may well be a life and death situation. I don't think you want your fiancé caught up in what might happen.

Thank you for your honesty Cat, and I agree with you.
Though as for the reactions thing, me and him have, together, worked past it. I we sat and said everything that needed to be said, for hours across several days, and I came to a realization that there is no reason for me to get so terrified of him. Surprisingly part of this realization had to do with listening to the song "Black Rose" by Trapt.

there is no reason for me to get so terrified of him. Surprisingly part of this realization had to do with listening to the song "Black Rose" by Trapt.
"Terrified of him." You've used other words and phrases like this that make it sound like you are living in a dark cave prison in a Third World country. I listened to some of Trapt's music -- it's definitely not Johnny Mathis (the music I embraced during my teens and early 20s). And your screen name, EmoPrincess, says something too. Tell me about yourself, what you think about life and love and your future.

"Terrified of him." You've used other words and phrases like this that make it sound like you are living in a dark cave prison in a Third World country. I listened to some of Trapt's music -- it's definitely not Johnny Mathis (the music I embraced during my teens and early 20s). And your screen name, EmoPrincess, says something too. Tell me about yourself, what you think about life and love and your future.

I rarely listen to Trapt, it was just because Black Rose was similar to how my fiancé must have felt about me at the time. I don't mean to make it sound any specific way. My screen name is a nickname given to me by my fiancé.

Myself, I am a 17 year old who writes, reads, quad rides, would love to hang out with friends were I allowed, and am engaged. Life, is a compillation of events that goes on and on. Love is a deep connection towards anything, and not always romantic. My future is working for a year after high school, attending community college for anthropology, and going from there. While raising a family with my fiancé

I rarely listen to Trapt, it was just because Black Rose was similar to how my fiance must have felt about me at the time. I don't mean to make it sound any specific way. My screen name is a nickname given to me by my fiance.

Myself, I am a 17 year old who writes, reads, quad rides, would love to hang out with friends were I allowed, and am engaged. Life, is a compillation of events that goes on and on. Love is a deep connection towards anything, and not always romantic. My future is working for a year after highschool, attending community college for anthropology, and going from there. while raising a family with my fiance
I read back over this entire thread. You used the word "mum" to refer to your mother, so you are not in the U.S. How on earth did you manage to get engaged at your age with no friends? And of course no marriage in your future, yet children? You also mentioned you have a brain tumor? What's with that? And how did your appointment go on the 27th with Dr. Dyer?

I read back over this entire thread. You used the word "mum" to refer to your mother, so you are not in the U.S.? You also mentioned you have a brain tumor? What's with that? And how did your appointment go on the 27th with Dr. Dyer?

I do live in the US, and Mum was at my appointment so I couldn't talk freely. Now I'm off all my medicines.

I have a tumor surrounding where my brain stem meets my spinal cord. And it extends upward toward the middle of the back of my head. We found it after an accident at swim team one day where I slipped on a kickboard and fell on my head, at the hospital they did an MRI. It was several years ago, 7, and since then I've gotten biannual MRIs to check on it

I do live in the US, and Mum was at my appointment so I couldn't talk freely. Now I'm off all my medicines.
You have the right to see your doctor alone, privately. Why was your mother there? Why are you off all the meds? No weaning? That's incredible!


I have a tumor surrounding where my brain stem meets my spinal cord. And it extends upward toward the middle of the back of my head.
So what's the prognosis? What does it have to do before action is taken?

You have the right to see your doctor alone, privately. Why was your mother there? Why are you off all the meds? No weaning? That's incredible!


So what's the prognosis? What does it have to do before action is taken?

My mum was there to tell my doctor she sees no improvement. My doctor took me off them to prove a point that they are working

My brain tumor doesn't really do anything. It just takes up space and squishes (literally) my brain. I was going to get it removed until we found out the 95% chance of death associated with the surgery

My mum was there to tell my doctor she sees no improvement. my doctor took me off them to prove a point that they are working
If that's truly what happened, the doctor is incompetent. A doctor does not pull his patient off her meds that are working in order to prove a point.

If that's truly what happened, the doctor is incompetent. A doctor does not pull his patient off her meds that are working in order to prove a point.

He said sometimes it's hard to see the effects when someone has been on it for such a long time and putting me on a "med holiday" would give a comparison

Medication holidays are one thing... but proving a point is a different story. Docs do NOT pull patients off meds just to prove a point.

he said sometimes it's hard to see the effects when someone has been on it for such a long time and putting me on a "med holiday" would give a comparison

Did he make certain that you can contact him if you take a really bad turn and that everyone is aware of what the side affects of stopping the meds could be?

he said sometimes it's hard to see the effects when someone has been on it for such a long time and putting me on a "med holiday" would give a comparison
Nice save, except that no doctor will suddenly put a patient on a drug holiday when that patient is taking the three drugs you said you are taking -- certainly not all three are taken away at once, and at least two of them have to be weaned away from your system.

Medication holidays are one thing....but proving a point is a different story. Docs do NOT pull patients off of meds just to prove a point.

Mum said she was upset because there was no difference and said she doesn't want him filling me with chemicals if it won't work.
Proving a point was the wrong wording, sorry

He said to show her the effects, for six weeks I'm not going to be on my medicines

Nice save, except that no doctor will suddenly put a patient on a drug holiday when that patient is taking the three drugs you said you are taking -- certainly not all three are taken away at once, and at least two of them have to be weaned away from your system.

The adderall stopped immediately

Wellbutrin 450->150->0
Lamictal 200->100->0

I wouldn't talk the entire time so I'm not sure what exactly is going on but I remember parts and I have that written on a piece of paper here. Most of the appointment was yelling and being quiet

Nice save, except that no doctor will suddenly put a patient on a drug holiday when that patient is taking the three drugs you said you are taking -- certainly not all three are taken away at once, and at least two of them have to be weaned away from your system.

I'm not trying to make saves. I'm trying to clarify

I'm not trying to make saves. I'm trying to clarify
I'm a professional counselor. Doctors don't do what you said he did. And didn't he tell you not to drink alcohol while taking these drugs? I remember reading earlier that you admitted being "tipsy."

I'm a professional counselor. Doctors don't do what you said he did. And didn't he tell you not to drink alcohol while taking these drugs? I remember reading earlier that you admitted being "tipsy."

Show me this post. I don't drink.

And yes he did do what I said he did. Should I change phsychiatrists?

What meds are you taking?

What meds are you taking?

Adderal
Wellbutrin
Lamictal

Is he seriously not supposed to put me on a med holiday to show my mum there is effects?

None of these meds should be stopped abruptly, they should be tapered down.

None of these meds should be stopped abruptly, they should be tapered down.

The adderall is stopped immediately
The wellbutrin is going from 450 to 150 to 0
The lamictal is going from 200 to 100 to 0


Wait is something bad going to happen or something?

None of these meds should be stopped abruptly, they should be tapered down.
She said her doctor stopped them all at once simply to prove to her mother that they were working. So now EmoPrincess is going to end up how, without her drugs?

She said her doctor stopped them all at once simply to prove to her mother that they were working. So now EmoPrincess is going to end up how, without her drugs?

I didn't say all at once

I mispoke and tried to correct myself

I do live in the US, and Mum was at my appointment so I couldn't talk freely. Now I'm off of all my medicines.

I have a tumor surrounding where my brain stem meets my spinal cord. and it extends upward toward the middle of the back of my head. We found it after an accident at swim team one day where I slipped on a kickboard and fell on my head, at the hospital they did an MRI. it was several years ago, 7, and since then I've gotten biannual MRIs to check on it

Here I meant to say getting off

Sorry for the confusion!

She said her doctor stopped them all at once simply to prove to her mother that they were working. So now EmoPrincess is going to end up how, without her drugs?

Quitting lamictal, as well as wellbutrin abruptly can cause serious suicidal thoughts and ideations, no to mention the less serious side effects.

Quitting lamictal, as well as wellbutrin abruptly can cause serious suicidal thoughts and ideations, no to mention the less serious side effects.

I already usually have suicidal thoughts and stuff
The doctor told me those were side effects of the medicine

They are a side effect of the meds. That's when the meds should be switched so you don't have these effects.

They are a side effect of the meds. That's when the meds should be switched so you don't have these effects.

Oh, I was used to it so it didn't bother me much

show me this post. I don't drink.
I apologize. You had said you were a party, so I guessed there was drinking going on when you bit him and he hit you.

Oh, I was used to it so it didn't bother me much
How long have you been taking these drugs?

I apologize. You had said you were a party, so I guessed there was drinking going on when you bit him and he hit you.

No it was a family party, I don't drink. I did a long time ago but I don't anymore

How long have you been taking these drugs?

I've been taking my meds for over a year now. I think almost two

Oh, I was used to it so it didn't bother me much

I'm sorry hun, this doesn't add up.

I'm not accusing you of storytelling, but suicidal thoughts and ideations are terrible side effects. Not something you can get "used to."

Okay, also----

I've been going to this same office since I was 13. I first saw a councilor, who led me to a suicide attempt. Then I saw a therapist (idk if there's a difference between councilor and therapist but their name plates were different) but she didn't work out either. Then I started seeing my current physchiatrist who put me on meds the first appointment. All of these doctors work for the same office

I'm sorry hun, this doesn't add up.

I'm not accusing you of storytelling, but suicidal thoughts and ideations are terrible side effects. Not something you can get "used to."

I always have had suicidal thoughts. Before I even started the medicines

I'm not sure you should be putting their names or the name of the office on the internet. It might lead to a lawsuit.

I've been taking my meds for over a year now. I think almost two
Two of those meds are not usually given to someone under 18. Did he ever explain to you why he prescribed them?

Why didn't you ask for time alone with him on the 27th? In fact, you are the patient, and your mom should have gotten only a brief amount of time with him. The doctor knows this. Why did he let your mother run the session?

I'm not sure you should be putting their names or the name of the office on the internet. It might lead to a lawsuit.

Good point. Thanks

I'm not sure you should be putting their names or the name of the office on the internet. It might lead to a lawsuit.
I'm wanting to call him first thing in the morning and have a professional talk with him.

Two of those meds are not usually given to someone under 18. Did he ever explain to you why he prescribed them?

Why didn't you ask for time alone with him on the 27th? In fact, you are the patient, and your mom should have gotten only a brief amount of time with him. The doctor knows this. Why did he let your mother run the session?

He explained that the adderall was for my ADD/ADHD
My wellbutrin was for my depression
And the lamictal for bipolar

I didn't oppose to her coming in so I guess he just figured he'd let her
He really just asks me how I'm feeling and gives me medicine usually. The appoinments are only about 20 minutes long

I didn't oppose to her coming in so I guess he just figured he'd let her
he really just asks me how I'm feeling and gives me medicine usually. the appoinments are only about 20 minutes long
So if she says the meds aren't working, he takes you off them to prove to her they are. So how are you going to act without meds?

No therapist for weekly goal-setting and problem-solving?

So if she says the meds aren't working, he takes you off them to prove to her they are. So how are you going to act without meds?

No therapist for weekly goal-setting and problem-solving?

No
My parents assumed the meds would do all the work
Plus it's expensive my mum said

So how are you going to act without meds?

No therapist for weekly goal-setting and problem-solving?
Please answer.


my parents assumed the meds would do all the work
plus it's expensive my mum said
It's a scientific fact that the meds don't do all the work! The doctor went along with your parents' thinking?

You don't have insurance coverage for the prescriptions?

It's a scientific fact that the meds don't do all the work! The doctor went along with that thinking?

You don't have insurance coverage for the prescriptions?
The meds are mostly covered. But there's still 40 each for well butrin and lamictal, then 80 for the adderall. The doctor asked a while ago if I was seeing someone other than him. I said no. he said okay and then went on about different medicine options.

Please answer.

That's the part where I said no, sorry. Forgot to specify. No, I'm not seeing any one for problem solving or goal-setting.

No, I'm not seeing any one for problem solving or goal-setting.
And your doctor didn't even suggest it, especially since that's what his health care center does?

If you are going off meds now, you definitely need to see a therapist/counselor at least once and maybe even twice a week. The meds only smooth out the wrinkles in your emotions and make you open to counseling. The counseling gives you handholds and footholds for everyday living.

And your doctor didn't even suggest it, especially since that's what his health care center does?

If you are going off meds now, you definitely need to see a therapist/counselor at least once and maybe even twice a week. The meds only smooth out the wrinkles in your emotions and make you open to counseling. The counseling gives you handholds and footholds for everyday living.

It's really expensive, copay is $50 a session... I wanted to go before but I've had bad experience so far with conseling

It's really expensive, copay is $50 a session... I wanted to go before but I've had bad experience so far with conseling
Then talk to your doctor about this. He can recommend someone who has a sliding scale and an out-of-pocket price without copay and insurance coverage. I do this. Catholic Charities does it. Lutheran Social Services does it. We aren't in this for money, but want to help people who are honest with us about their financial situation.

You had a bad experience? What was it?

Then talk to your doctor about this. He can recommend someone who has a sliding scale and an out-of-pocket price without copay and insurance coverage. I do this. Catholic Charities does it. Lutheran Social Services does it. We aren't in this for money, but want to help people who are honest with us about their financial situation.

You had a bad experience? What was it?

I didn't mean bad bad, but my first counselor was horrible. I sat there and got to listen to how all my problems in life were because I was fat and all this other stuff. Any time I tried to talk about something, she turned it into "my kid today (insert random stuff here)"

I didn't mean bad bad, but my first counselor was horrible.
What about your second counselor? What went wrong there?

What about your second counselor? What went wrong there?

She was kind of stuck up, and shot down all my future plans. Argued with me about my sexuality, and made me feel like a loser

She was kinda stuck up, and shot down all my future plans. Argued with me about my sexuality, and made me feel like a loser
What about the third one?

What about the third one?

Third is my current psychiatrist that I just found out isn't doing what he should

Okay, a counselor is not like putting on a glove. It's more like looking for a needle in a haystack. You have to find the right fit and it may take many before you do.

third is my current psychiatrist that i just found out isn't doing what he should
I'm not sure what that means.

You are the client. If you feel that the therapist is not doing what he should, please question it. Immediately! I tell my clients to stop me midsentence if they have to and object. (Actually, counselors do very little talking. My clients -- anyone's clients -- should do the majority of it. A counselor's main reason for being there is to listen and help them find their own path.)

So far the comments you have made about your therapists make them sound very unprofessional. I'd wonder about their credentials and training. Were they referrals from your doctor, and even at the same location?

I'm not sure what that means.

You are the client. If you feel that the therapist is not doing what he should, please question it. Immediately!! I tell my clients to stop me midsentence if they have to and object. (Actually, counselors do very little talking. My clients -- anyone's clients -- should do the majority of it. A counselor's main reason for being there is to listen and help them find their own path.)

So far the comments you have made about your therapists make them sound very unprofessional. I'd wonder about their credentials and training. Were they referrals from your doctor, and even at the same location?

The third is the one I just found out shouldn't be putting me on a med holiday

All of my councilors and my psychiatrist have talked more than I have in every session

The office itself was refferred to me by my pediatrician, who is very good. All three were in that office. They have degrees I know that

The third is the one I just found out shouldn't be putting me on a med holiday
A therapist? Master's degree? PhD?

all of my councilors and my psychiatrist have talked more than I have in every session
Like I said before, you are the client. If you feel that the therapist is not doing what he should, please question it. Immediately! This is not only your right, but your responsibility. The things you have said the counselors did with you were actually very unprofessional and definitely not any kind of therapy.

They have degrees I know that
Degrees in what? Social work? PhD?

A therapist? Master's degree? PhD?

Like I said before, you are the client. If you feel that the therapist is not doing what he should, please question it. Immediately!! This is not only your right, but your responsibility. The things you have said the counselors did with you were actually very unprofessional and definitely not any kind of therapy.

Degrees in what? Social work? PhD?

Dr. Dyer has a PhD

Dr. Dyer has a PhD
Actually, he doesn't. He has an MD. He's a psychiatrist.

Actually, he doesn't. He has an MD. He's a psychiatrist.

On the sheet of paper hanging outside his little office thing in the main lobby there's a list of everyone. It says PhD

On the sheet of paper hanging outside his little office thing in the main lobby there's a list of everyone. It says PhD
Look again. PhDs can't prescribe medication. His Web site says he's an MD.

Look again. PhDs can't prescribe medication. His Web site says he's an MD.

I could've sworn it said PhD... maybe it was someone else on the list?

I could've sworn it said PhD.... maybe it was someone else on the list?
The facility contains MDs and PhDs. You know the difference, right?

The facility contains MDs and PhDs. You know the difference, right?

Yeah I know the difference. One's psych one's med

yeah I know the difference. one's psych one's med
Wrong. Both can be psych. The Ph in PhD doesn't mean psych. It means philosophy.

Wrong. Both can be psych. The Ph in PhD doesn't mean psych. It means philosophy.

O okay

An MD = medical doctor -- a general practitioner or has any kind of specialty for which he would have gone to school longer (orthopedic doctor, psychiatrist, medical examiner, brain surgeon, gastroenterologist, etc.).

A PhD = doctor of philosophy -- perhaps does research of some kind (psychology, food science, animal husbandry, education, library science), may teach in a university/college setting, may counsel/supervise in a clinical setting.

Only a medical doctor (MD) can legally write prescriptions and control a patient's meds.

An MD = medical doctor -- a general practitioner or have any kind of specialty for which he would have gone to school longer (orthopedic doctor, psychiatrist, medical examiner, brain surgeon, gastroenterologist, etc.).

A PhD = doctor of philosophy -- perhaps does research of some kind (psychology, food science, animal husbandry, education, library science), may teach in a university/college setting, may counsel/supervise in a clinical setting.

Only a medical doctor (MD) can legally write prescriptions and control a patient's meds.

OK

I would like to remind everyone of this topic- given my previously stated circumstances, is it really all that wrong to be obedient

I would like to remind everyone of this topic- given my previously stated circumstances, is it really all that wrong to be obedient
Yes, because then you lose who you are.

You had said in your original post, "when a female loves a male, she completely submits to him in every way and he is her superior." No. The correct way is this: "when a male and female truly love each other, she completely submits to him in every way and he to her." The Bible says they become as one flesh.

I would like to remind everyone of this topic- given my previously stated circumstances, is it really all that wrong to be obedient

Yes. As my analogy... obedience is for dogs. Dogs obey their masters. When we are in a relationship, we are partners. No one is more important than the other.

I would like to remind everyone of this topic- given my previously stated circumstances, is it really all that wrong to be obedient

I haven't forgotten the other topics. :)
You needed to hear about the medical issues because they can play a large part in what you think is going on in your brain. I think you really do need a good counselor who you can trust and be open with in person about everything you have said here. I think you need more people that you can truly trust.

Being obedient is what you want a dog or child to be. You are neither.

I am concerned that you are engaged at 17 years of age and that you place so much of yourself in this person's hands. You have been through a lot and I know you are wanting the stability that you think you have found. I don't think I have seen how old your fiancé is. Does he really understand the amount of responsibility you are putting on him? Do you?

I haven't forgotten the other topics. :)
You needed to hear about the medical issues because they can play a large part in what you think is going on in your brain. I think you really do need a good counselor who you can trust and be open with in person about everything you have said here. I think you need more people that you can truly trust.

Being obedient is what you want a dog or child to be. You are neither.

I am concerned that you are engaged at 17 years of age and that you place so much of yourself in this person's hands. You have been through a lot and I know you are wanting the stability that you think you have found. I don't think I have seen how old your fiancé is. Does he really understand the amount of responsibility you are putting on him? Do you?

He's sixteen. And also in need of the stability.

Yes, because then you lose who you are.

You had said in your original post, "when a female loves a male, she completely submits to him in every way and he is her superior." No. The correct way is this: "when a male and female truly love each other, she completely submits to him in every way and he to her." The Bible says they become as one flesh.

I'm not that religion, but that is a very good quote Wondergirl.

Yes. As my analogy...obedience is for dogs. Dogs obey their masters. When we are in a relationship, we are partners. No one is more important than the other.

Yes, true

And like a dog, I enjoy the rewards of a pleased master. Such as more affection

That may be well and good for young people in love now, but as you grow, and learn, and change, so will your attitude. So will his. The realities of life for adults is much different at 20, than at 16.

Even more so at 25. Lets be real, how many young loves stay that way forever? Its easy now with hardly any real life pressures, to be, and act certain ways and enjoy it. But forever? Hardly any of us escape the need to make adjustments in our adult life, where love doesn't pay the rent, or change diapers.

Not trying to change your mind, just trying to make you aware of the coming changes.

Yes, true

and like a dog, I enjoy the rewards of a pleased master. Such as more affection

I am sorry but I think that you have gotten some sound advice her to see a counselor and try to work through some of your issues.

Do you really believe the stuff you are saying??? 'a pleased master'??? That is not what a husband is, not in any country or culture! A true marriage, a true love does not have a inferiority and superiority dynamic. Its two people coming together to love and support one another for life.

You really need to take the advice of the others seriously and go to see a counselor, really what have you got to lose if you are emotionally and mentally sound in thinking this way a professional will back you up. If not you may be able to learn something about yourself... which is always a good thing.

Best of Luck.

My fiancé used to be controlling to an extent, but stopped a couple months ago. He said it makes him feel guilty. I love it when he acts like how he did, why would he feel guilty?

He never used to have a problem with it. He would order me to do things with no problem. Now he says it makes him feel guilty. I asked him why, but all he said was "Drop it"

Your fiance's guilty feeling is a good thing. He has no right to be controlling, and he now realizes that. Why are you not happy that he wants to change his ways?

This will probably be merged with your other thread. (Technically, that is where it should have been asked). Until they are merged or for more of the story:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/really-wrong-obedient-441325.html

I am going to quote something I said in your other thread:


You can't continue to live in fear of anyone getting upset with you or what you are afraid they might do. Your fiancé raises his voice and you run off crying. That is emotionally damaging to him as well as yourself. If it hasn't started already, it will, at some point in time, start causing him to walk on eggshells around you for fear of how you will react. He won't feel that he can be open and honest with you or tell you anything negative. It is emotional control over what he thinks and what he does. A relationship cannot survive under that kind of strain. It needs both people working together to be strong and healthy.

It sounds like he is at the point where he needs a partner not a puppy. He needs someone who will help him build a relationship instead of rely on him to provide one.

I would be concerned that he may be feeling like having that much control and responsibility is too much at his age. He may also be worried that he is turning into your father or mother by controlling your life.

You need to be fair to both of you and not put so much pressure on him to be in charge. You need to take control of your life. You need to be proactive about your health care and your health. Don't make anyone else responsible for making certain you eat or take your medicines (when you are supposed to). Show him that you are maturing emotionally instead getting stuck in a child-like mentality of having all of your decisions made for you.

I have read enough of your writing to know that there is a very strong young woman in you who will not like being kept locked up inside for much longer. You may think you enjoy being submissive to him, but that is only because it seems more stable than what you have at home. Take away the stress of your home life and I don't think being totally obedient to him will seem that acceptable.

I agree Cat, it's just a big transition for me, going from control in every aspect of life to pure freedom

I agree Cat, it's just a big transition for me, going from control in every aspect of life to pure freedom

There is still control in your life. Self-control. You only have as much 'freedom' as you allow yourself. :)

Update:

My fiancé is now just my boyfriend. He feels like he is growing up too fast and also was afraid of his dad and stepdad finding out, so the stress was too much for him.

I'm starting to be comfortable with my boyfriend not controlling me.

As for my issues, I am going to talk to a therapist once a week. My guidance counselor found one for me.

Things at home are starting to be pretty calm. As long as this stays calm, I'm fine with it. The second my dad steps over the line, I am reporting it. Right now dad is being pretty good because he is trying to convince my mum not to leave in the summer. She swore we still will in the summer, regardless of how he's appeared to change, because no matter how he treats us now, it will never erase the past.

Thank you all so much for your advice and insight so far. You all have become like a family to me, and I greatly appreciate it.

I am glad that you and your boyfriend are slowing things down. I hope the counselor helps this time. Talking to someone face to face is a lot different than talking to us.

As for the family life, I hope everything works out for the best. :)

I am glad that you and your boyfriend are slowing things down. I hope the counselor helps this time. Talking to someone face to face is a lot different than talking to us.

As for the family life, I hope everything works out for the best. :)

Thanks Cat!

I hope so too

no matter how he treats us now, it will never erase the past.
I'm glad you're still with us, EP. You have a good head on your shoulders, and it's always fun and even enlightening to read your posts.

For your mother, there's no forgiving your father? What about counseling for them?

I'm glad you're still with us, EP. You have a good head on your shoulders, and it's always fun and even enlightening to read your posts.

For your mother, there's no forgiving your father? What about counseling for them?

He refuses, and she's been abused her whole life. First by her family, then when she was fourteen and first began a relationship with him, by him. Until now. That's years of trying again and chances.

I thought the (now) boyfriend broke the engagement because he had feeling for another girl?

Don't make excuses for him.

It's probably not the advice you want to hear but I think you need to just ditch the people who are treating you horribly and start fresh.

I thought the (now) boyfriend broke the engagement because he had feeling for another girl?

Don't make excuses for him.

It's probably not the advice you want to hear but I think you need to just ditch the people who are treating you horribly and start fresh.

It was a misunderstanding Shaz,

Turns out he's had feelings for Waffle since beginning of 9th grade. I met him towards the end of his 9th grade year.

I have come to a realization. Though close in ages, me and my boyfriend are in different stages of our lives. Yes, he is a teen and I a teen. However, he is a teen inside and out. He has teen aspirations, a teen's temper, teen problems, and so on. I went through puberty around age 9. I mentally and physically matured much faster than I should have. I may be teen in age, but that's nearly it.

I do not relate to most people around my age, I think they are selfish, unreasonable, and need to mature. The only one to whom I do relate is my best friend. We talk about politics, philosophy, science, ethics, and the economy while other girls our age discuss their new lipgloss and getting drunk over the weekend. I related to teenagers when I was 10, I relate more to adults now that I'm 17. My mother just describes it as I'm a good kid because I've grown up too fast. I have no desire to go drinking at parties on the weekend. I'd rather sit at a coffee shop and talk talk about life.

My boyfriend has been asking me to "tone down" the adultness of our conversations and my attitude.

I am unsure of if I want to continue dumbing myself down like I have been. I am unsure if I want to wait out his teenage phase or look for someone more my speed.

I have come to a realization. Though close in ages, me and my boyfriend are in different stages of our lives. Yes, he is a teen and I a teen. However, he is a teen inside and out. He has teen aspirations, a teen's temper, teen problems, and so on. I went through puberty around age 9. I mentally and physically matured much faster than I should have. I may be teen in age, but that's nearly it.

I do not relate to most people around my age, I think they are selfish, unreasonable, and need to mature. The only one to whom I do relate is my best friend. We talk about politics, philosophy, science, ethics, and the economy while other girls our age discuss their new lipgloss and getting drunk over the weekend. I related to teenagers when I was 10, I relate more to adults now that I'm 17. My mother just describes it as I'm a good kid because I've grown up too fast. I have no desire to go drinking at parties on the weekend. I'd rather sit at a coffee shop and talk talk about life.

My boyfriend has been asking me to "tone down" the adultness of our conversations and my attitude.

I am unsure of if I want to continue dumbing myself down like I have been. I am unsure if I want to wait out his teenage phase or look for someone more my speed.

I don't think that you're unsure - your guts are telling you exactly what you need to do. Trust your intuition - you know what's right for you!

I honesltly don't know what I want

I want him. I love him. That I am sure of. I don't know if I want to just wait for him to mature or find someone else. I love him dearly

I honesltly don't know what I want


I am unsure of if I want to continue dumbing myself down like I have been. I am unsure if I want to wait out his teenage phase or look for someone more my speed.


This tells you! You sense that you don't want to dumb yourself down and you sense that you need to be with someone at a similar level of maturity. This is your intuition. If you're uncomfortable or doubtful about something - then it's not right.

This tells you! You sense that you don't want to dumb yourself down and you sense that you need to be with someone at a similar level of maturity. This is your intuition. If you're uncomfortable or doubtful about something - then it's not right.

I'm doubting doubting as well... It's confusing. I love him deeply.

My boyfriend told me the thirteenth of this month he has feelings for another girl. Today, for about five minutes until I nearly broke up with him, his signature on his text messages was that girl's nickname.

Ask him in person see if he still has feeling for you (yn) good luck! ♥♥

Wow! Ouch!

You need to sit down and talk to him, ask him what's going on.

If he wants to play games then he can do it by himself. He has to fish or cut bait. If he wants to stay with you then he has to be faithful to you. It's the mature thing to do.

If he has feelings for someone else then he should tell you, break up with you and then move on. He's playing childish games, my 11 year old doesn't even do that.

Talk sweetie. Be calm, be assertive, let him know how you feel but don't start a fight. Just let it all out and tell him you're not happy about all of this.

Going over your past threads I found out a lot of things:
Your 17
You went through a miscarriage
You have family issues

... this is just a shot in the dark here but maybe your boyfriend/fiance has just gotten overwhelmed with all of this--- he is 17. Most 17 year old boys aren't ready for responsibility, some guys can even say "he got off the hook" since your miscarriage.

See if he feels this way, talk to him. He may feel pressured with all that has happened to you and what you have been putting into the relationship for the past year.

I'm not saying poor guy you put so much on him but I remember 17 year old boys, they like to run from responsibility.


...ahh just my opinion.

He is 16

He says he loves me and feels guilty for having feelings for the other girl.

Well hey it happens, at 16, even if you hate to hear it, your not really ready for long-term relationships.

Your still growing, your still learning...

Just talk to him, but if you feel that the relationship is over then don't keep dragging it. I did that when I was younger, I wish I had just let it go.

As for your other issues, do you go to a support group or a teen group? If not you should, it really helps talking to other teens that have gone what you have gone through or just talking to someone in person just helps-- well that helps me.

He honestly isn't like most guys his age. The only responsibility he's run from is the baby

I'm 17, and only want a long term relationship

he honestly isn't like most guys his age. the only responsibility he's run from is the baby

... that is like most guys his age.

Not only was that his "only" responsibilty-- that really showed what kind of guy he was. He ran away from his baby... it's not like he forgot to buy you a Christmas present. He ran away from his ONLY responsibility.


I'm 17, and only want a long term relationship

I was there once too, I was 17, I was in a relationship, I wanted it to last forever. Hey I know.

I'm not even 25 yet, and when I think back at 17 I'm like "boy was I silly".

Right now, no matter what I or anyone else says you'll stick to your guns.

My only advice to you is to take things slow. Don't rush at things, don't jump on the let's get married boat, if you want to be engaged then so be it. Talk to your boyfriend see how he feels about this whole thing. Maybe even take a break-- sometimes it's better to see where you stand when you step back from where your standing [hope that makes sense]. I know that your thinking a break is kind of scary, that he'll jump into the other girls' arms--- if he does then well now you know he doesn't love you.

Well good luck to you-- take things slow.

Break up with him, he's already moved on. Break up Break up Break up.

He hasn't moved on, he still loves me.

That's it

I'm leaving the site

EMOP, if you love this guy then talk with him and give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise. Try not to worry . LOL:):):):)

I doubt he has cheated on you, I've seen many cases like this. If you really want to know then just ask him. Tell him to give you an honest answer or you'll leave him. You don't need depression in your life, it'll only bring you down. I met this girl 2 years ago (who I was with for 2 years) and I thought she was the love of my life. For 2 years she was, until she she broke my heart and ed me over, in the end, there is always someone else who is much, much better. And I have now found that better someone (: wayyyyyyyy better. So you're in a win-win situation here, just be strong and confront this issue.

he hasn't moved on, he still loves me.

That's it

I'm leaving the site

I'm not trying to offend you, so lets not do the drama thing. I know how young guys minds work. But you won't know until you've been through it. If you don't want to break up with him, then be with him, it's not my relationship. But personally, I wouldn't put up with it, I'd say something, if all he had was excuses that would be my first sign and I'd go, no matter how much I loved him. I've done it before. You'll be okay sooner or later. Good luck either way.

Sweetie, I don't know the guy but if he has any brains at all he'll see what he has with you. Like I said before give him a chance to explain.

he hasn't moved on, he still loves me.

That's it

I'm leaving the site

E-Mop, you know that I care about you, I only want the best for you, but, when you post a question you'll get many different responses. They're not all going to be what you want to hear.

Do you want people to give you advice, their opinions, or do you want them to coddle you, tell you what you want to hear? If you only want the latter then you shouldn't ask the question. The people here will tell you what they think based on your question. They won't baby you and they won't sugar coat things.

If you're going to threaten to leave the site every time someone says something you don't want to hear, then you're probably better off leaving because that's the way it is when you deal with a site that has over 700,000 members. You're going to get opinions, they're going to differ from yours. You either accept that or you save yourself the stress and move on.

I'd hate to see you go but this is the second time in a few days that you've threatened to leave. I don't play those games sweetie. So either be here, be a member, or don't, but stop with the games. Okay?

I wasn't threatening, I was asking. Right now I'm only on deleting my info.

I wasn't threatening, I was asking. right now I'm only on deleting my info.
Why are you deleting? Your story could be a life saver to another young woman!

Because I can't take people saying he doesn't care. I know for a fact he does.

because I can't take people saying he doesn't care. I know for a fact he does.

If you know for a fact then why do you have so many questions?

I wasn't threatening, I was asking. Right now I'm only on deleting my info.

E-mop, you said;


That's it, I'm leaving the site.

That's not a very mature thing to do just because someone posted something you didn't want to hear.

I realize you're upset, I can understand that, but still, we're here to help. You asked the question, you have to be prepared to get answers you may not want to hear. You can't just say "That's it, I'm leaving the site" every time things don't go your way.

I know you understand this.

Maybe sleep on it, come back tomorrow with fresh eyes, when you're not as upset.

Okay?

E-mop, you said;



That's not a very mature thing to do just because someone posted something you didn't want to hear.

I realize you're upset, I can understand that, but still, we're here to help. You asked the question, you have to be prepared to get answers you may not want to hear. You can't just say "Fine, I'm leaving the site" every time things don't go your way.

I know you understand this.

Maybe sleep on it, come back tomorrow with fresh eyes, when you're not as upset.

Okay?

Sleep makes things worse for me...
I'm going to take a shower...
I'm sorry guys...
I don't know what is going on with me lately... so damn emotional

Sleep makes things worse for me...
I'm going to take a shower...
I'm sorry guys...
I don't know what is going on with me lately.... so damn emotional

We hope you feel better.

Sleep makes things worse for me...
I'm going to take a shower...
I'm sorry guys...
I don't know what is going on with me lately.... so damn emotional

Been there, done that. It's always best to step away when that happens.

Remember something, we've all been 17. We all remember being 17. It's not a fun time. So many hormones, life changes, everything. I spent 17 not knowing whether I was coming or going and I made many mistakes thinking that I was mature enough to handle them. I wasn't, but it wasn't until later that I realized that.

We only want what's best for you. I hope you know that.

Take a shower, realize that no one on this site would hurt you, we're here to help and I know the people posting here would never ever lead you in the wrong direction. You may not always like the advice, but we only have your best interests in mind. Try to remember that.

Hugs sweetie. I hope you feel better. :)

because I can't take people saying he doesn't care. I know for a fact he does.

E-mop, I think you are scared. It is a normal reaction to what you thought was your stablizing force not being quite so stable.

I have a feeling that deep down you are concerned that maybe he is distancing himself a bit more than you are comfortable with. Don't allow the negative emotions to cause you to strike out at those who want to help you.

Edit to add: How is the St. John's Wort working for you?

Been there, done that. It's always best to step away when that happens.

Remember something, we've all been 17. We all remember being 17. It's not a fun time. So many hormones, life changes, everything. I spent 17 not knowing whether I was coming or going and I made many mistakes thinking that I was mature enough to handle them. I wasn't, but it wasn't until later that I realized that.

We only want what's best for you. I hope you know that.

Take a shower, realize that no one on this site would hurt you, we're here to help and I know the people posting here would never ever lead you in the wrong direction. You may not always like the advice, but we only have your best interests in mind. Try to remember that.

Hugs sweetie. I hope you feel better. :)



Awww, Alty's everyone's mommy. :) (for us youngins anyway!)

:):):)
I think nobody has a right to abuse anyone in any way. Listen to the answers these people have given you. I know you love your mother,but have you ever thought deep inside she may want you to do something, like telling your therapist.

As for the boyfriend , it will work out either way. You are a good person remember that.
Meanwhile just know all of the folks here are telling you the truth and giving you sound advice. I will pray for youand ask others in a prayer chain to do the same. God Bless You Little EMOP!

Showers do wonders

I'm so sorry guys

I really am...

showers do wonders

I'm so sorry guys

I really am...

Hey, no problem, you are human after all. :)

showers do wonders

I'm so sorry guys

I really am...
Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about. Be glad for the experience and for the lessons you are learning.

Gosh EMOP you have been there for me and you really helped me. You are a nice, caring, good-hearted person.

showers do wonders

I'm so sorry guys

I really am...

I'm glad you're feeling better and I want you to know I'm always here if you need to talk. :):):)

I feel horrrible, dang it.

I guess you all are right though, especially Cat.

I am scared.

I feel horrrible, dang it.
Now, take all that maturity you tell us you have, and spin this around to work to your emotional advantage.

I'm not quite sure what you mean

I'm not quite sure what you mean
I said it as clearly as I could. What positives do you find in all of your posts and the responses you have gotten?

E-mop, I think you are scared. It is a normal reaction to what you thought was your stablizing force not being quite so stable.

I have a feeling that deep down you are concerned that maybe he is distancing himself a bit more than you are comfortable with. Don't allow the negative emotions to cause you to strike out at those who want to help you.

edit to add: How is the St. John's Wort working for you?

When I remember to take it, wonderful. I just took some a little bit ago. Instant cheer up.

I said it as clearly as I could. What positives do you find in all of your posts and the responses you have gotten?

One moment please, I'm going through each post, while a six year old jumps on me. Haha

What meds are you on hun? St. Johns Wort could be very dangerous.

What meds are you on hun? St. Johns Wort could be very dangerous.

None anymore, J. My doc dropped my meds

I deserve better than to be his second choice. I am done playing this game. I've served him a year and now that I want decent treatment, he distances himself. No, I won't put up with that.

Darlin, you don't SERVE anyone. Do you hear me? Look at your mom... do you want to be in a relationship like her? No, you don't.

Darlin, you don't SERVE anyone. Do you hear me? Look at your mom... do you want to be in a relationship like her? No, you don't.

My thoughts exactly J. and what everyone has been trying to tell me

I deserve better than to be his second choice. I am done playing this game. I've served him a year and now that I want decent treatment, he distances himself. No, I won't put up with that.


I'm so sorry EMOP. Please feel this big HUG! You can do this. You are getting stronger! Way to go Girl.

I:)'m sorry EMOP. Please feel this big HUG!

Thanks!

Sweetheart, I have to go to bed now. I've had very little sleep in the past 48+ hours... like about 4 hours. I can't think straight enough to help you. Just know that I will be here, and I do care.

Please promise that you won't do anything rash. Okay?

Haha, I won't J. I'm in a good mood now.
I'm great right now. I'm glad you care.

Have a wonderful night

Remember Emop... I lub you.

Would you be willing to sign a contract for me? I self harm contract?

J, I haven't self harmed in a long time, don't worry

Okay love. Now, I need to sleep. But remember that there are people out here who do care for you whether we have met you or not, you mean a lot to us.

E-Mop, you are strong. I see it in your posts. I just wish that you saw the strength that we see.

You deserve love and respect, an equal. You deserve to be treated well, you deserve to be number one in someone's life. You know you deserve it, and if you don't, I'm telling you that you do.

You have to look out for number one. Only you can. So chin up sweetie, do what you have to do to get where you need to be. Strong.

You can do it. I know you can. I have faith in you. :)

Okay love. Now, I need to sleep. But remember that there are people out here who do care for you whether we have met you or not, you mean a lot to us.

Get a good rest J
*hug*

E-Mop, you are strong. I see it in your posts. I just wish that you saw the strength that we see.

You deserve love and respect, an equal. You deserve to be treated well, you deserve to be number one in someone's life. You know you deserve it, and if you don't, I'm telling you that you do.

You have to look out for number one. Only you can. So chin up sweetie, do what you have to do to get where you need to be. Strong.

You can do it. I know you can. I have faith in you. :)

Thanks Alty, and I see that now. I was sitting there looking at my screen name. He used to call me that, because I used to be his princess. Then I realized, I'm no princess by how he treats me. I'm the servant.

I deserve better than to be his second choice. I am done playing this game. I've served him a year and now that I want decent treatment, he distances himself. No, I won't put up with that.

Now spit in his eye! :)

O Ohso! That's terrible!

29314

O Ohso! That's terrible!

But gratifying. :D

I can't though! He's three hours away!


Thanks M!

I can't though! he's three hours away!


Thanks M!

I'd do it. My boyfriend is 3 hours away too, but when he comes to visit, if he's a jerk, I blow a raspberry in his face. Or anywhere else I can get him, like the arm, or the back, or his cheek, or his tummy. Mostly I threaten to give him a black eye. Then he goes back to being nice!

O Ohso! That's terrible!

It's funny. :)

It's funny. :)
I rarely see him. I make the most of each visit

I rarely see him. I make the most of each visit

I can understand that. :)

I can understand that. :)

We spend the majority of the time talking, playing video games, cuddling, playing board games, hanging out with each other's families, and occasionally, sex

we spend the majority of the time talking, playing video games, cuddling, playing board games, hanging out with each other's families, and occasionally, sex


Video games are great!

Video games are great!
Yep, raspberrys, SOMETIMES I bite, but not hard, and that just makes him mad, so I don't like to do that. Plus, I'm not 14, or 4.

I'd do it. My boyfriend is 3 hours away too, but when he comes to visit, if he's a jerk, I blow a raspberry in his face. Or anywhere else I can get him, like the arm, or the back, or his cheek, or his tummy. Mostly I threaten to give him a black eye. Then he goes back to being nice!

Ohso ;This is a stupid question, but I know a Raspberry is a fruit. The raspberry you throw at your boyfriend is that a real raspberry. (I'm a lot older than you so I am curious.) I hope I don't offend you!

Ohso ;This is a stupid question, but i know a Raspberry is a fruit. The raspberry you throw at your boyfriend is that a real raspberry. (I'm a lot older than you so I am curious.) I hope I don't offend you!

Are you more familiar with "Bronx Cheer"?

Are you more familiar with "Bronx Cheer"?

No. I did ask a stupid question didn't I?

No. I did ask a stupid question didn't I?

No, you may know it by a different name. It's sticking your tongue out and blowing.

No, you may know it by a different name. It's sticking your tongue out and blowing.




Thanks! I need to get out more.

No, you may know it by a different name. It's sticking your tongue out and blowing.



Thanks! I appreciaate you.

Elmo taught me last year what a raspberry was, so it's okay! Haha

elmo taught me last year what a raspberry was, so it's okay! haha



Sometimes I feel like I'm in Elementery School again, but it's great learning some of the lingo. Raspberry that's a great idea! Thanks EMOP you ALWAYS make me feel better.:D:D:D

Ohso ;This is a stupid question, but i know a Raspberry is a fruit. The raspberry you throw at your boyfriend is that a real raspberry. (I'm a lot older than you so I am curious.) I hope I don't offend you!

Not a stupid question. :)
It's like blowing on the skin, with your cheeks pressed in and making an obnoxious noise. They can get a little slobbery. Haha!

No problem Kity!

No problem Kity!


Goodnight and remember, we're here for you.

Goodnight. And thanks

Not a stupid question. :)
It's like blowing on the skin, with your cheeks pressed in and making an obnoxious noise. they can get a little slobbery. Haha!


Good I was thinking the next time my husband aggravates me, I could throw some strawberries at him. A raspberry like you give your boyfriend sounds much better. Thanks

Good I was thinking the next time my husband aggravates me, I could throw some strawberries at him. A raspberry sounds a lot better. Thanks

DO IT! :) That would be really funny.

Haha, I just take whatever he does that irritates me

DO IT! :) That would be really funny.

Thanks and goodnight>

Good I was thinking the next time my husband aggravates me, I could throw some strawberries at him. A raspberry like you give your boyfriend sounds much better. Thanks

Hmm... I think a girl throwing strawberries at me would be both aggrivating and a bit charming all at once... which, of course, means id want to date her.

I'm a bit broken like that.

DO IT! :) That would be really funny.
Ththththppppppppppffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffftttttttttttttttttt!!

Sigh, a thing about abuse has turned into a spit fest and fruit salad! Haha

sigh, a thing about abuse has turned into a spit fest and fruit salad! haha

Sorry. I'm a late add to the thread. Ill try to behave.

sorry. im a late add to the thread. ill try to behave.

I was kidding. It's cheerful now

i was kidding. It's cheerful now

That's OK. I was lying about trying to behave. ;)

thats ok. i was lying about trying to behave. ;)

Haha. You know, lying is very very bad. Tsk tsk

* deleted cause I am an idiot *

* ditto that *

To MY room? Loly, ummm reminder, I'm 17

Aw poo.

I'm used to reading the adult sexuality threads and forget when off the naughty boards.

Sorry 'bout that.

It's okay, I've gotten much worse. Haha.

This is where I slowly back away and head for the back door exiit before I get my hands smacked.

Sorry about the intrusion.

You've seen nothing. Know nothing. You are feeling sleepy... sleepy...

Wait... that's me. I r tired. Poo again.

Outtie

this is where i slowly back away and head for the back door exiit before i get my hands smacked.

sorry bout the intrusion.

youve seen nothing. know nothing. you are feeling sleepy... sleepy...

wait... thats me. i r tired. poo again.

outtie

Haha, bye bye

haha, bye bye





This is so weird. I went to bed tried to sleep and something told me to get back online. God speaks to us that way. Now I need to tell you what I think of you. I think you are brave and strong and you have beaten such tremendous horror in your life. I can't imagine. I see you get stronger and stronger . And you will.

In a year or two maybe less I see you standing in front of an audience of kids who are listening to you tell about your horrible experiences. There is a young person maybe more who are going through what you are right now . But when you are talking to these kids you are free of it, you have gotten out.

There are kids who have lost their last shred of hope and are thinking of doing something drastic, but for the first time in a long time someone has shown them there is a way out. They are crying because they know they are no longer alone, that there is someone else who knows what they are enduring and that person is you. You'll know exactly what to say.

You have a destiny, to help others who are hurting. You may be their last chance and I believe God works in mysterious ways . He takes something horrible like your abuse and rape and he gets victory from it.
You think about that sweetie and how much we all love you. You are going to do great things. I feel better now. I just had to get out of bed and send this. LOL

This is so weird. I went to bed tried to sleep and something told me to get back online. God speaks to us that way. Now I need to tell you what I think of you. I think you are brave and strong and you have beaten such tremendous horror in your life. I can't imagine. I see you get stronger and stronger . And you will.

In a year or two maybe less I see you standing in front of an audience of kids who are listening to you tell about your horrible experiences. There is a young person maybe more who are going through what you are right now . But when you are talking to these kids you are free of it, you have gotten out.

There are kids who have lost their last shred of hope and are thinking of doing something drastic, but for the first time in a long time someone has shown them there is a way out. They are crying because they know they are no longer alone, that there is someone else who knows what they are enduring and that person is you. You'll know exactly what to say.

You have a destiny, to help others who are hurting. You may be their last chance and I beleive God works in mysterious ways . He takes something horrible like your abuse and rape and he gets victory from it.
You think about that sweetie and how much we all love you. You are going to do great things. I feel better now. I just had to get out of bed and send this. LOL

Thanks Kity, and the divine do work in mysterious ways. It's people like you who give me hope.

Thanks Kity, and the divine do work in mysterious ways. It's people like you who give me hope.

I'm here. And I know God has great things in store for you.LOL
Goodnight.

Good night Kity
*hug*

Good night Kity
*hug*

Hey little girl (that's what I call my youngest daughter). I had a peaceful night and we are headed up to see our daughter at Colllege. I'll talk to you if it isn't really late when we get home. I've got a feeling about you and you are going to do great things with your life. Remember what I said; you could be the one who helps someone else in trouble and who is going through the same thing. You find that strength and hold on. HUG.

Guys, I broke up with Cody...

Good for you Emop.
I know it hurts now but looking from this perspective it's the best thing you could have done.

We only know what you tell us, and from what you have told us you are better off being single.

I think that is the best thing for you right now. I know it isn't going to be easy, but remember that you have a great support system right here.

{{{{Emop}}}}

Guys, I broke up with Cody...
I think you made the right decision. :) Just stay strong and know that we are all here to support you. I know it was tough, but you'er strong. You will get through this. :)

I think you made the right decision. :) Just stay stron and know that we are all here to support you. I know it was tough, but you'er strong. you will get through this. :)


Good girl. EMOP.. I was telling my daughter about you this afternoon(hope you don't mind) she said there were a couple of girls she had counseled as in her dormitory. She said , Look inside your heart at the good things you've done and build your future from this moment on. She said never let anyone take away the faith you have in yourself. You have strength you don't even know you have until you need it.



.
She's a good kid and I always cry when we leave although she's only sixty miles away
Lots of people cofide in her and she gives them good advicce. She's an understanding young lady and she has always been very sensitive to other peoples problems. I hope you are doing all right little girl. HUGS from me and Hugs from Bethie!

Good girl... I was telling my daughter about you this afternoon(hope you don't mind) she said there were a couple of girls she had counseled as in her dormitory. She said , Look inside your heart at the good things you've done and build your future from this moment on. tive She's a good kid and I always cry when we leave although she's only sixty miles away.

Lots of people cofide in her and she gives them good advicce. She's an understanding young lady and she has always been very sensitive to other peoples problems. I hope you are doing alright little girl. HUGS from me and Hugs from Bethie!

Was this for EMOP or me?

Was this for EMOP or me?

Gosh no, you have it all together and you give great advice.
Sorry ohso it was for emop. God I'm going to get rid of these fake nails and get some new glasses. I also did a little editing a minute ago.

Sorry ohso it was for emop. God I'm going to get rid of these fake nails and get some new glasses.

I pretty much understood, Just clarifying. :)

GUYS... I feel like a total slattern

GUYS.... I feel like a total slattern


I don't know what that is but if you want to explain I'd love to hear.

From dictionary.com

Slat·tern   /ˈslætərn/ Show Spelled[slat-ern] Show IPA
–noun
1.a slovenly, untidy woman or girl.
2.a slut; harlot.

I feel like a tramp

from dictionary.com

slat·tern   /ˈslætərn/ Show Spelled[slat-ern] Show IPA
–noun
1.a slovenly, untidy woman or girl.
2.a slut; harlot.

I'm sorry to be such a pain. I promise I'll try to start figuring some of thes things out for myself. Thanks again ohso. I appreciate it.