My son is home on leave from the navy for 9 days, I've been sick for awhile and trying to get better before he came home, but haven't been able to. I wasn't able to walk far in the airport and had difficulty swallowing/choking, but I was able to meet him (4 hr trip and on my birthday) I think the anxiety made things worse. He wanted to eat(my daughter was with us) I couldn't eat. While they ate, my son scolded me for coming. On the way home he sat up front and my daughter kept putting the window down when she smoked and the music was blarring. I couldn't rest and kept getting sicker. She pulled off the road and screamed at me for acting like I was (I had started to cry). I tried not to. Then she got lost and yelled at me to help her (she has a gps). When I told her I thought she'd made a wrong turn my son, who had been sleeping, said he throws out back seat drivers. I apologized for being so sick.

I wanted things to go smoothly during these 9 days. I had an awful birthday. On New Years we all went out. My daughter drove (they let me sit in the front). My daughter came to a dead end and yelled that my purse was in her road. I moved it and she came to another dead end. I told her it was because of my purse and this time she slapped me. I was shocked and upset. We went inside (a casino). I couldn't keep pace with them (still not feeling well). They left me alone all night. I didn't hear from them again until just before midnight. My son came to find me and I was so happy, but I couldn't keep pace again and told him to go ahead. Medics saw me sitting at the top of the stairwell and I begged them not to do anything because my son was only home for these few days. They took my blood pressure, called my kids and my son came back, not my daughter. My son encouraged me to get rid of them so I did. My daughter was waiting at the front and we rode home together. She was really drunk and kept saying how I had ruined everything. My son said he wished he'd never came home. She kept saying how much she hated me. I'm still in shock.

Yesterday was New Years Day. I made sauerkraut and pork (family tradition) they (son and daughter left for the day, early afternoon, didn't hear from them again until this morning. They left me to babysit my 7 yr old grandson and picked him up to take him to a ballgame. I said I didn't feel well enough to go. My son is only home for a few more days. I haven't had much time with him and I want nothing to do with my daughter. I'm having trouble dealing with this ordeal any help? It will be 1 year and 10 months before I see my son again.

Wanted to add, their father deserted them when they were 5 and 9 and I've raised them myself.

You need to step up and make them respect you. They should respect you enough just for the fact that you raised them on your own. You need to put them in their place and make sure they know you are still their mother. You aren't helping them realize how messed up they are. You are helping them walk all over you. You need to call a little family meeting and discuss with them how you feel and that they need to respect you more or you will have nothing to do with little brats. You keep hurting yourself more than anything.

I can feel how awful that must be for you, I am so sorry this visit has not gone well.

You probably would have been further ahead to just stay home, but obviously they were not treating you well by any stretch regardless.

That she slapped you is so totally over the line and to not show remorse or apologize is unbelieveable to me.

To add insult to injury you were unable, as much as you wanted to, to keep up with them because you are not well.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

All you can do now is not expect much more from them. They are selfish and disrespectful to say the least.

When the dust settles after this visit, I would be inclined to send them an email, detailing what you have here, and how it made you feel. Tell him what you expect for the next visit, and set some expectations.

I would hope they would be mortified by their own behaviour, but if they are the type of people to treat you like this in the first place, likely they won't feel a thing.

But, by setting some boundaries and expectations, clearly, you will at least have some control next time.

Good luck to you.

Yeah, I got some advice, kick these little disrespectful, ignorant kids out of your house! They're not adults, but spoiled little children. You are their mother, and deserve to be treated with respect! Throw the bums out and tell them to never return.
I could never treat my mother that way. Your kids have a lot of growing up to do. Teach them a lesson by kicking them out of your life sweety.
I hope you get to feeling better soon.

I don't want to sound unkind because when I read this, I felt your pain and hurt. BUT... you have to stop being the victim. NEVER let anyone slap you. Never let anyone mistreat you. You can't make people love you, but you can make sure they don't hurt you... emotionally or physically. You have the power to change only YOU. They both owe you an apology to say the least and frankly I'd kick their hinney's OUT and tell them NOT to come back until they can treat you with the respect you deserve. You are their mother for heaven sakes. It would be a cold day in hell before I did another thing for either of them. This situation didn't happen over night. They have apparently been able to treat you poorly before. AND for the LOVE please don't cry in front of them, that only makes them feel more in control. They are spoiled adult brats. Put your back bone in, get some pride back and NEVER let anyone mistreat you. I'm sorry you won't get to see your son for a long time but under the circumstances... it is for the best.

Narishkas, if you hear NOTHING else I am saying please hear this... you are in control of YOUR emotions and you are NOT a victim. Life sometimes sucks big time. It would be wonderful if your children treated you with the respect on honor that any child should, but they aren't going to until you respect yourself. If you never have a relationship with them, then that is THEIR choice. Let them know how they will be treating you from now on and if they can't do it... cut them off. It is THEIR loss and one day they will know it.

Sorry your christmas and new year was crappy but don't let another day go by letting anyone treat you badly. You deserve better... believe it, and ACT like it. I promise the day you change... they will too! :)

Let me see, you tell daughter off, you should have stopped her driving, told her to stop smoking in the car and don't bother being around you if she has to smoke ( not good for your health) you remember who the mother is, and tell them so.

Tell daughter if she can't respect you, not to bother coming back over.

Sounds like she was the issue not the son

You need to step up and make them respect you. They should respect you enough just for the fact that you raised them on your own. You need to put them in their place and make sure they know you are still their mother. You aren't helping them realize how messed up they are. You are helping them walk all over you. You need to call a little family meeting and discuss with them how you feel and that they need to respect you more or you will have nothing to do with little brats. You keep hurting yourself more than anything.

Thank you for your understanding reply. I have stayed away from my daughter, she lives next door. I did tried to talk to my son about the principles he was brought up with and how he needs to stand up to them... he simply made the comment he's only home for 6 more days. I'm going to the doctor again Monday... trying to feel better so I have the energy to talk to them.

I can feel how awful that must be for you, I am so sorry this visit has not gone well.

You probably would have been further ahead to just stay home, but obviously they were not treating you well by any stretch regardless.

That she slapped you is so totally over the line and to not show remorse or apologize is unbelieveable to me.

To add insult to injury you were unable, as much as you wanted to, to keep up with them because you are not well.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

All you can do now is not expect much more from them. They are selfish and disrespectful to say the least.

When the dust settles after this visit, I would be inclined to send them an email, detailing what you have here, and how it made you feel. Tell him what you expect for the next visit, and set some expectations.

I would hope they would be mortified by their own behaviour, but if they are the type of people to treat you like this in the first place, likely they won't feel a thing.

But, by setting some boundaries and expectations, clearly, you will at least have some control next time.

Good luck to you.

I really appreciate your kindness and understanding. I'm not expecting much from them... I 'm just so disappointed... we've always been close, but my daughter always wants to fight... I hate fighting... she is way over the top... I had talked to her about making this a nice time before my son came home... she probably chose to do this purposely... so she could have her brother all to herself...

I don't think they do feel any remorse... I think they believe I'm faking being sick... ( I wish ) I'm just laying low and trying to deal with how sad this all makes me... and I've made a list of goals for myself and my future... without them

The first is getting well

Yeah, I got some advice, kick these little disrespectful, ignorant kids out of your house! They're not adults, but spoiled little children. You are their mother, and deserve to be treated with respect! Throw the bums out and tell them to never return.
I could never treat my mother that way. Your kids have alot of growing up to do. Teach them a lesson by kicking them out of your life sweety.
I hope you get to feeling better soon.


I wish I could do what you're asking... my daughter doesn't live here... she lives next door... she's renting a trailor I own... my son is staying here (my house) some nights and some during the day... he treats me fine when his sister is not around...

I would kick her out, but she has a son... and that would mean I have to kick out my grandson... I can't do that... but my plan is to put the house and trailor on the market... I need some distance!!

Thanks for caring... I'm going to the doctor Monday... I know I could cope better it I felt better physically.

I don't want to sound unkind because when I read this, i felt your pain and hurt. BUT...you have to stop being the victim. NEVER let anyone slap you. Never let anyone mistreat you. You can't make people love you, but you can make sure they don't hurt you... emotionally or physically. You have the power to change only YOU. They both owe you an apology to say the least and frankly I'd kick their hinney's OUT and tell them NOT to come back until they can treat you with the respect you deserve. You are their mother for heaven sakes. It would be a cold day in hell before I did another thing for either of them. This situation didn't happen over night. They have apparently been able to treat you poorly before. AND for the LOVE please don't cry in front of them, that only makes them feel more in control. They are spoiled adult brats. Put your back bone in, get some pride back and NEVER let anyone mistreat you. I'm sorry you won't get to see your son for a long time but under the circumstances...it is for the best.

Narishkas, if you hear NOTHING else I am saying please hear this.....you are in control of YOUR emotions and you are NOT a victim. Life sometimes sucks big time. It would be wonderful if your children treated you with the respect on honor that any child should, but they aren't going to until you respect yourself. If you never have a relationship with them, then that is THEIR choice. Let them know how they will be treating you from now on and if they can't do it...cut them off. It is THEIR loss and one day they will know it.

sorry your christmas and new year was crappy but don't let another day go by letting anyone treat you badly. You deserve better...believe it, and ACT like it. I promise the day you change......they will too! :)

Thanks for your advice. I know exactly what you are saying... I was abused as a child... as a wife... and now by my children... I'm going to need some help with this and I promise you I will get it... I have cut off with my daughter... my son will be gone in 6 days... this will all be behind me and I've got a lot of work to do!!

let me see, you tell daughter off, you should have stoped her driving, told her to stop smoking in the car and don't bother being around you if she has to smoke ( not good for your health) you remember who the mother is, and tell them so.

my daughter really is the problem....i refuse to ride in the car with her again....and have pretty much cut her off and would altogether were it not for my grandson (7) who i love dearly and has been so through so much with her. thanks for your great advice

ell daughter if she can't respect you, not to bother comming back over.

sounds like she was the issue not the son

My daughter really is the problem... I refuse to ride in the car with her again... and have pretty much cut her off and would altogether were it not for my grandson (7) who I love dearly and has been so through so much with her.

Thank you for your understanding reply. I have stayed away from my daughter, she lives next door. I did tried to talk to my son about the principles he was brought up with and how he needs to stand up to them...he simply made the comment he's only home for 6 more days. I'm going to the doctor again monday...trying to feel better so i have the energy to talk to them.

I hope you get feeling much better real soon. Hopefully what you told your son sinks into his head while he is gone. Just make sure you make a loud and clear point that you will not stand for this kind of behavior.

my daughter really is the problem....i refuse to ride in the car with her again....and have pretty much cut her off and would altogether were it not for my grandson (7) who i love dearly and has been so through so much with her.

I understand that you want to be a part of your grandsons part and you have every right to be a part of his life. Maybe she isn't meant to be taking care of him if he has to go through so much with her. You don't want her son growing up to hate you do you? Maybe you should fight for custody of him so he won't grow up to be a bad person like your daughter.

thanks for your advice. i know exactly what you are saying...i was abused as a child....as a wife...and now by my children...i'm going to need some help with this and i promise you i will get it....i have cut off with my daughter....my son will be gone in 6 days.....this will all be behind me and i've got a lot of work to do!!!

Narishkas,

From one woman who has lived in abuse to another... you go girl! It is hard to stand up for yourself and feel like you deserve to be respected when you have been put down day after day. But it isn't about how we feel, it is about FACT. You do deserve it. Get the help and support you need. Also find friends or family memebers who stand behind you to cheer you on... not critical or degrading ones. ANYONE can find fault with people because we are human. It takes a GREAT person with character to lift someone up. May you find those people to be around you. :) and start little by little... one day at a time. Take care.

I think your resolve right now is only as strong as your health; you need to take care of that first. I'm glad you are going to the Doctor.

That was one of the things that hit me reading your post; they know you are not well, yet behaved like morons. It is still sad to think of you trying to keep up to them, and they wouldn't slow down. That is just cruel.

I'm sure you will feel better soon. And I hope you will post again and let us all know how you are doing.

Take care.

To jake, adam, classy and sabre... you all helped me make it through the day... I got to spend a little bit of time with my son today... I do think he realized how sick I am.. I think I may have walking pneumonia... I'm trying to hold out till Monday to go to the doctor... but the emotions are really tough to deal with... you've helped tremendously... all is status quo.. staying away from my daughter... just trying to rest and breathing through a vicks vaporizer plug-in... god bless you all for being here... I'll keep you posted... narishkas

narishkas, I'm so happy you spent some time with your son. My son is in S. Korea right now, and I know what it's like to go without seeing one of your kids for a year. You seeing yours makes ME feel better! Lol

Best of luck to you at the Doctor's office, you'll be feeling so much better very soon.

Take care.

This may seem unkind, but what is the nature of your illness. It is very vague and sounds very familiar. Is your illness the cause for your children's disrespect? Has it made them follow the same path? Where your parents similarly "afflictled". Are you causing a vicous cycle of co-dependence? Where you neglected as a child and seek attention through illness when you feel you deserve attention. Do you then feel hurt when the attention getting behaviour backfires because it is "old" and they audience has learned the tricks and is using the same tricks now?

From your post I hear a lot of "I am sick, and they don't care". And from them "she is doing it again, this is getting old and we will just ignore her.

Do you have a substance abuse problem? I fell to this after taking my children out of an abusive marriage. I was self medicating. Took my over a decade to start recovery, and by this time my kids were adults. I am now a recovering alcoholic and my children are learning to respect me, and I am learning how to appropriately let my needs and wishes be know. No more histrionics, or illnesses.

I wish you well.

From: recovering alcoholic that is slowly gaining back the respect of her adult children.

I have been exactly where you have with a son so I know the pain, disapointment, and grief. I spent his growing years consentrating on developing in him what is most important in this life and that is character. I was sure he would be a kind, respectful and all around good person and he appears to be to everyone but me. I've racked my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong. I've talked with everyone that knows us. And I haven't been able to come up with anything. It's clear I spoiled him rotten and he used emotional blackmail tricks but nothing so clear cut to explain until one day a friend told me what I should have realized already. She said, "Your son is not just a product of you but also a product of his father". Although his father was not around and he disliked his father I finally had to admit they are so alike! Everyone thought his father would give you the shirt off his back but it was all show. Actually he was verbally abusive and selfish to the extreme. He also treated his mother horribly. Once I stopped blaming myself and stopped taking the insults and making excuses for him I did what I had to do and that was to walk away. It still hurts but not as bad and time will help more. You are doing no one any good and are setting a poor example for the daughter's son by taking abuse. I too have been ill so I realize with limited strength you can't go on the attack so just cut them off... cold. If they come back and behave, fine. But make your position clear. If not know that at least you have peace and have done the right thing for them and yourself. Remember you are a person too and everyone deserves respect. Finally, I will say to you that once you are grown one is responsible for their own actions and just as sometimes people rise above their raising they also can turn their back on it. May God be with you.

I think how your adult kids acted twoards you is very wrong, but some where along the line I think you resented them both while they grew up fatherless & you husbandless. I read between the lines. You went to the airport, 4 hours to get there & on your birthday (so what?) That sounds pretty selfish right there on your part. I would travel 10,000 miles to see my son & who cares about it being my birthday at the time? Why did you feel this was putting you out? Then you state how you son is only home for a few days & you'll not see him again for a long while. Maybe this time he won't bother coming back on your birthday & put you out so much with the 4 hr drive either. I hear you do not feel well, but like they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They've learned this behavior somewhere? Oh, and poor you for having to babysit your 7 yr old grandson. Obviously not something you enjoy the way I took it. Lets face it, you were not Mother material & these adults kids of yours are the results of how miserable they must have been growing up hearing you whine about how they ruined your life. What goes around, comes around. You all need counseling big time. Get over your pity party & grow up yourself.

Reading between the lines, I see where the problem lies. Example: Your son flies home for 9 days, great! But poor you has to drive for 4 hrs to meet him & by golly, it's you birthday on top of that, how dare he put you out on such a special day for you! The rest of your story doesn't jive as you being the greatest Mom either. How much resentment did you show your kids when they grew up fatherless & more to the valid point, YOU husbandless? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
You reap what you sow & then it comes back to bite you in the behind. You all need counseling & you, the mother, need to stop your own personal pity party & grow up too. There's a 7 yr old grandson at stake here learning all of the bad behaviors. Oh, by the way, sorry you got stuck with babysitting your grandson too while your son was home. Poor you. Lots of resentment there that is misplaced. I fear the damage has been done.

There has been no activity on this thread since January

The OP hasn't been back since January, this is an old thread.

It sounds like you felt like a prisoner in your own home. There is probably a pattern here. How is your relationship with your parents? Did you feel guilty about their dad leaving? If you allow people, even your own children to mistreat you, you might have some self-esteem issues; letting someone smoke in the car, being physically attacked. This isn't all immaturity on their part. It's bad habits, a feeling of entitlement, and some screwed up values. I like the idea that you are planning to move away. Be somewhere you have always wanted to go, make new friends, get involved in things you care about.There is a person inside that is waiting to be discovered. You can tell them what they are doing is wrong and you won't put up with it, but actions speak louder than words. Start thinking about you! Get some counseling. Keep in touch with your Grandson. You can set a good example for him by showing him how to have self-respect, and letting him know how much you love him. Grandparents can be a very positive influence. Good luck with your health.

Old thread!

Wow. I thought I had ungrateful kids! I have an adult daughter that texted her brother that she wished she could push me in the firery lake of hell for all eternity so she could stand on the shore and laugh.
She appears sweet and wonderful on the outside to her friends, but to even have a thought like that she is so full of poison.

As to your dilemma, I agree with the other comments, but people have to understand that this situation didn't get this way overnite - it has been years in the making. Your personal energy is at an all time low, and you probably don't have the strength to do the severing. I think a written letter to both is the best way to go. You have to not ever expect anything good from them or you will just be disappointed. I am so sorry. I hope you don't have any physical support need from them. The hard thing would be severing from your grandson.

Venting on this blog is a good thing because we don't know you so there is no embarrassment that there is if you talk to friends. When you type in a search hurtful children, 10 times more websites come up for children being hurt by parents - not the other way around.

Hon, get away from these 2. You have always had the responsibility of making them good adults. Allowing them to continue to abuse you mentally and physically is not helping them do that. If you are not strong enough to stop this treatment, then distance yourself. THey will find, or have found that the rest of the world will not tolerate this. Good luck!

Did you read the thread before you answered?

It's OLD and the person who asked the question hasn't been back.

I don't get any hint that your son was behaving badly (other than not telling his sister to knock it the heck off) but you need to kick your dauhter to the curb. She doesn't need to be around you if she is going to behave that way, and I absolutely feel you should file charges against her.

Your son sounds like he may be abrupt but that could be from his service in the military. He probably scolded you for coming because he saw you were sick and didn't want you to be sicker.

Your daughter however, she needs to leave and stay away. Get a restraining order if nessisary until she is able to grow up and stop being so abusive. And yes she is being ABUSIVE

Narishkas, you need to let go and get those narcissistic people out of your house. You are much too dependent on them for companionship. Perhaps it is time to let them go and get on with your life. Make new friends who will be kind and loving. Make excuses why you can not do things with those who will mistreat you. Personally, I would rather be all alone, than with people who verbally and physically abuse me. IF my children ever slapped me, that would be the last time they would see me. Can you imagine how you will be treated when you are too old and frail to get away? Sometimes we hang on to things and people that only make our lives miserable to keep from being lonely. Reach out to people who are living kind loving lives and be a part of that group. If your children ever change and it has been proven for a number of years, then perhaps you could let them back in your life. Right now, I can not see the purpose of your relationship with them.

Whatever you do, don't listen to any more negativity from the PEANUT GALLERY! I have a very disrespectful ingrate of a son as well. He had the best of everything & when that wasn't enough... he took what he wanted, when he wanted, however he got away with it! When they are adults, it is up to them how they want to be! Take no blame for their idiotic actions as adults! They were/are damn lucky to have you for a mother period! Now for whatever selfish demeaning reason your daughter took to slap you across the face is enough for you to have her arrested for assault & by God she's lucky you weren't well enough to get it done! Let there not be a next time! As for your son, he should've "manned up" & stepped up to the plate not allowing anyone, not even his sister harm his mother ever, ever, ever! They need to respect you & especially when your IlLL!! Especially when you are the only parent they have that stepped up to the plate and cared for them all those years! You don't owe them anything anymore! Your job is done as the responsible parent! You no longer have to be responsible for their actions anymore, you no longer have to be involved, let your daughter get her own home to rent & next time your son comes home... make sure you have a talk with him about protecting you like he would our country & if he can't... then tell him you need to feel safe and well when he's around & that needs to be understood period! Next time, if your ILL, have him catch a bus for the 4 hour trip, let him be responsible for his trip home if he's going to allow his sister to slap you around! That's "WRONG" period! My son only needs to raise his hand in the air before I dial 911!! Don't let them take your backbone from you, kick their ASSESS! They're both up to something & you need to get to the bottom of it! Good Luck

I also have a son that mistreats me but can also be very kind. I am a recovering alcoholic and my adult daughter wants nothing to do with me. I drank through her teen age years and married a man that despised her and beat me. I am disabled and my heart has a hole in it. Also, she has a daughter, my grandaughter who also does not want to see me. At one time, we were very close. I had a baby by this man and he was always put first, he now lives with me (adult) Perhaps those of us that are reading between the lines and just trying to help you see, what you don't see. There must be underlying reasons for your children's behavior. It is very hard to look at yourself, it was for me. I know that I am the reason my girls are not around me, but now it is too late.
I wish you well. Jeanne

I did not know where to write this, but I need advise. I have been estranged from my Oldest son ( he is 34 ) and my youngest daughter ( 30 ) for almost 5 years. I have grieved as if they had died, I have begged, pleaded for their love. I went through counseling for 2 years. I thought I would die from the heartbreak. They ripped my 3 beautiful grandbabies from my life whom I had a very special bond with. My middle daughter ( 33 ) was on and off with me. Sometimes she would tell me there was no reason why her brother and sister were so hateful towards me, but when I did not agree with something , she would also turn on me and keep my four grandchildren from me. My son called me a "Wasted piece of flesh" and said he did not love me. My youngest daughter took my grandson from me that I raised for 5 years that she would not take the responsibility to be the mother she should have been. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Now , my middle daughter used me for 4 months to babysit while she worked, used my car and never put gas in it. I had to ask her to bring food for the kids when I watched them because I was broke. Her husband ( my son and law is a bully to me. He tells me to F' off, and threatens me with taking the children elsewhere. I told my daughter I was no longer going to tolerate anymore abuse and she looked at me as If I was making a big deal over nothing. Now, she will not talk to me and had my 13 year old granddaughter send me a text telling me to leave her mother alone?? I am crushed, Its been 5 long years of being treated like I am nothing by my children . Now 4 of my grandchildren are trying to bully me. I am fed up ! I am so tired of sitting back and taking it. I am shocked that My children are so ungrateful for the love and support emotionally and finacially that I have given them. Thousands of $$ so they woulod not go hungry, or homeless only to be kicked in the gut and have my heart ripped out over and over. Even my children's husbands and wives bully me and malliciously say things to hurt me. I don't know what to do because I am worried for my grandchildren. I want to go far away from my children, but I don't want my grandchilren to be told lies about me, I love them so very much. Please help me with some advice.

I also, have a son that mistreats me but can also be very kind. I am a recovering alcoholic and my adult daughter wants nothing to do with me. I drank through her teen age years and married a man that despised her and beat me. I am disabled and my heart has a hole in it. Also, she has a daughter, my grandaughter who also does not want to see me. At one time, we were very close. I had a baby by this man and he was always put first, he now lives with me (adult) Perhaps those of us that are reading between the lines and just trying to help you see, what you don't see. There must be underlying reasons for your childrens behavior. It is very hard to look at yourself, it was for me. I know that I am the reason my girls are not around me, but now it is too late.
I wish you well. Jeanne

That's not true in every case. Sometimes we spoil our children too much instead of holding them accountable for their own responsbilties while growing up. There are many many reasons for adult children to kick parents to the curb... Lots of them are because they just need to grow up!!

Also... I have never been on drugs, never drank, never hit my children. Their father left them for 27 years, I had to be there and cried with them because they wondered where their dad was. They had a stepfather, but most of all they had me. I was probably over protective because I lost my other son to SIDS. They all attended private schools and we were always on vacation. My gut tells me that my son may blame me for his father leaving him at the age of 6 and not coming back into his life until 27 years later. Now he is the hero and I am the "wasted piece of Flesh" I believe my youngest daughter was jealous because my grandson would come to me for everything, even though they lived with me, I had to take care of his every need while she stayed on the computer all night long. When she saw that he came to me, she was angry and she left with him and I have not seen them for almost 5 years.

I did not know where to write this, but I need advise. I have been estranged from my Oldest son ( he is 34 ) and my youngest daughter ( 30 ) for almost 5 years. I have grieved as if they had died, I have begged, pleaded for their love. I went thru counseling for 2 years. I thought I would die from the heartbreak. They ripped my 3 beautiful grandbabies from my life whom I had a very special bond with. My middle daughter ( 33 ) was on and off with me. Sometimes she would tell me there was no reason why her brother and sister were so hateful towards me, but when I did not agree with something , she would also turn on me and keep my four grandchildren from me. My son called me a "Wasted piece of flesh" and said he did not love me. My youngest daughter took my grandson from me that I raised for 5 years that she would not take the responsibility to be the mother she should have been. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Now , my middle daughter used me for 4 months to babysit while she worked, used my car and never put gas in it. I had to ask her to bring food for the kids when I watched them because I was broke. Her husband ( my son n law is a bully to me. He tells me to F' off, and threatens me with taking the children elsewhere. I told my daughter I was no longer going to tolerate anymore abuse and she looked at me as If I was making a big deal over nothing. Now, she will not talk to me and had my 13 year old granddaughter send me a text telling me to leave her mother alone?!?. I am crushed, Its been 5 long years of being treated like i am nothing by my children . Now 4 of my grandchildren are trying to bully me. I am fed up ! I am so tired of sitting back and taking it. I am shocked that My children are so ungrateful for the love and support emotionally and finacially that I have given them. Thousands of $$ so they woulod not go hungry, or homeless only to be kicked in the gut and have my heart ripped out over and over. Even my childrens husbands and wives bully me and malliciously say things to hurt me. I don't know what to do because I am worried for my grandchildren. I want to go far away from my children, but I don't want my grandchilren to be told lies about me, I love them so very much. Please help me with some advice.


This has happened over a period, and it's not going to turn around/change overnight. You cannot control what is being said to your grandchildren about you. Where is your children's father in all of this?

I would stop begging and pleading - and enabling - your children and grandchildren.

Sometimes the best way to stop being abused is to remove yourself from the abuse. I'd stay far, far away.

I'd also take another look at counselling.

Their father left the children and I when they were 3 , 4 & 6 years old. Never a word from him, child support only when the state could find him as he was on the run all the time. He re surfaced after 27 years when my son decided to find him when he threw me to the curb, Of course my ex husband rallys with the kids because he is now older, and loves it that I am not in the picture. I realize I can't help what they tell my grandchildren, but it does not stop it from hurting like hell. I plan to stay away this time, I will not allow this to continue as it will send me to an early grave.

Their father left the children and I when they were 3 , 4 & 6 years old. Never a word from him, child support only when the state could find him as he was on the run all the time. He re surfaced after 27 years when my son decided to find him when he threw me to the curb, Of course my ex husband rallys with the kids because he is now older, and loves it that I am not in the picture. I realize I can't help what they tell my grandchildren, but it does not stop it from hurting like hell. I plan to stay away this time, I will not allow this to continue as it will send me to an early grave.


I agree - sounds like life handed you some rough times. I'm sure your "ex" is delighting in being the "good one" not that the tough part of supporting kids is done with.

Your Grandchildren will have memories of you, will be curious about you, perhaps will begin to question their parents. I'm pretty sure you'll hear from them.

And family dynamics change like the wind. You need to take care of yourself first. Hopefully the rest falls into place. If not - you'll still be in a good place. Sometimes it takes putting your foot down, "growing a spine," to change things.

I agree - sounds like life handed you some rough times. I'm sure your "ex" is delighting in being the "good one" not that the tough part of supporting kids is done with.

Your Grandchildren will have memories of you, will be curious about you, perhaps will begin to question their parents. I'm pretty sure you'll hear from them.

And family dynamics change like the wind. You need to take care of yourself first. Hopefully the rest falls into place. If not - you'll still be in a good place. Sometimes it takes putting your foot down, "growing a spine," to change things.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your wise words.

I have a similar situation with my son-in-law. I have put up with his disrespect and emotional abuse for 19 years for my daughter' sake and for my grandsons. My daughter loves him to death. I personally can't stand him. This year I drew the line in the sand and ended my relationship with him. My daughter and 2grandsons are part of the fall out. That is their choice. I was going to stroke out with the abuse and I could not let it continue. Life goes on without them. I do not choose to be around mean spirited people.

I get the sense that they feel that you are acting ill to get sympathy and attention. If you are sick then you need to stay home. Its okay to take care of yourself. Not sure why your daughter thinks she can hit you (maybe cause you let her). You should call the authorities before it gets worse. When you get older someone has to care for you and you sure don't want her to think she can abuse you at this point. When you are elderly she will really lay into you. Correct the bad behavior before it goes any farther. One and a half years isn't long at all. It goes by quick in the mean time get that daughter under control and stay home if you are sick.