Me and my boyfriend was in relationship for 3 years. Then suddenly he said that he doesn't want to marry me but still wants to be friends. I accepted and we continued to be friends. And on another day he disclosed about his girlfriend with whom he was dating simultaneously when we were dating now is going to marry her. I continued talking to him for 4 months after he declared this to me. Then I stopped because he was showing interest in getting physical with me without the knoweldge of his fiancée and without even leaving her. Now whenever something happens in his life like his engagemnent or something important related to this he comes to me and tell me the same. He says that he still want to be friend with me. I am not understanding this I still love him and his updates about these things make me hurt. Personally I want him back for life but I don't see this possible. I don't know what I should do in this regard?? Please help

He is a weak ediot who cannot see that you still love him, and does not seem aware that you hurt. Can he feel or see what your eyes tell him. But no, do not go back to him, don't even think about it. He will probably never marry the women he is about to marry.

Every time he discusses his fiancé, and the wedding plans to you, you let him. He has even made sexual advances toward you, making it quite clear that he is not marriage material, and he's not friend material.

I think you are very fortunate that you are not engaged to him. If that were the situation, he'd be talking to another girl, and trying to have a fling on the side, while you're sending out the wedding invitations.

The only person who can put a stop to it is you. Think hard about keeping your distance from this man, and thank your lucky stars you are not engaged to him.

Loving him, and wishing for a miracle that he will leave his fiancé, turn into an honourable person, and return to you, is just a dream that will never come true.

He's a cheat and a liar and you should cut him out of your life completely. Don't put up with his BS anymore.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, have the dignity, and self respect to disappear from their life.

That alone will save you a lot of heartache, especially when you figure out he was a lying cheater, and wanted you to be in it with him.

Its been a long time now that we broke up. He dumped me for an another woman and is engaged with her and is going to marry in few months. He always says that he wants to be friend with me and shows interest in getting physical with me. As per the advice received I stopped talking to him. He also did stop calling me and messaging me. I tried but its really difficult for me to forget him after such a long period of relationship. I am very sure that I am in love with person and I think can't love anyone else again like this. I really really want him back in my life but see no way. Last time when I called him few days back he again showed the same interest and said he wants to meet. Should I go and meet him? I don't want any nonsense realtion (without any commitment) but I do want to win him forever. Is there any way I get my love back from this another woman who is his fiancée now? Or should I accept the fact that he is gone forever?? I don't want to spoil anything but its becoming really difficult for me. Every 24 hours he is in mind. I have lost almost everything in my life (no interests) I don't know what to do?? Please help me and advice me how can I get back him and if its not possible how can I get over him?

I stand by the advice I wrote before-see your other thread-this guy is a cheat and a liar. Disappear from his life.

Thanks amicon, I will try my best to follow your advice no matter how difficult its going to be

Thanks to all of you, I will try to follow what you all have advised

You can do it. Go complete no contact and ignore him 100%.
Good luck.

Right now you have to disappear from his life. He has a fiancée, and its off limits. If he called the engagement off, then would be a different story. But it is what it is. When he tries to call you, I would tell him just that. You are not going to be the other women, as long as he is engaged, I am walking away. Then, see what happens, and maintain NC. If for some reason he breaks the engagement then that's a different story.

" shows interest in getting physical with me."

Let's see, he cheated on YOU with her, and now he wants to cheat on HER with you.

He wants one last fling with you before he gets married.

Like he ISN'T going to cheat then too. HA!

He is a tool, and should be avoided like a plague.

You should be mad as hell at him.

Let this other girl deal with him, and his BS.

He wants to be "friends"? Tell him that you don't need friends like him, and you go about your business.

I know it's tough for you. BUT, he is just playing with you, and should be ashamed of himself.

You will be just fine.

Be strong, and stay busy.

Good luck to you.

While I know its hard to just turn those old feedings off, don't do something stupid, because of those feelings. It's a fact he is a lying cheater, and safe to assume he is going to still be a lying cheater. Stop talking to him, no matter how hard that is, or you will be lied to, and cheated on.

He totally doesn't even respect you or his fiancée. There is no reason to want to be with him. He doesn't really care about either of you.

I am trying to do what you all have advised, but anyhow he manage to contact me and keeps on calling me, discussing and reminding me of the old good times we shared together. He keeps on saying that he wants me back, he likes me a lot but at the same time he is firm with his decision of getting married with that girl because he says that in spite of his liking he doesn't see his life partner in me and still doesn't want me out of his life.

Have you got caller id? If so don't pick up when he calls,if not change your number. Please find your selfrespect,and resist all contact. You really DO NOT need this person,and I'm being polite when I call him that, in your life. Be good to YOU and don't let anybody else run your life.

I think you are right ami, this is the best option I am left with to ignore his calls no matter how many times he call. Thanks:) for being there

You're more than welcome-look after yourself-remember, you are in charge of your own life.

He's a player. And you're being played like a fiddle.

You're worth better than this jerk.

I've had to change my phone number before because an ex wouldn't leave me alone. It is hard, but effective.

Don't answer his calls, hon. It only hurts you and breaks your heart a little more. Don't put yourself through that pain.

I have cut all the ways from where he can contact me, but I really miss him. I still love him, I know he don't deserve this but I do. I don't know whether I will be able to forget him or not. Its really very difficult for me.

You will get over him,it just takes time and an active lifestyle where you do your outmost to stay busy,be around people who care for you and generally do your best to be good to yourself.
Take care.

Thanks, it feels good when I talk. I keep on reading the advices given here.

Good thinking! And you'll learn from other people's experiences. :-)

Something you might do to help a bit, is write things out in a diary.

When you are having weak moments, and those strong feelings start to take over, start writing it all out on paper, instead of keeping it inside. This could strike you at any time, and before the feelings lead you down that familiar path of self doubt and what ifs, remind yourself why you are not going to let that happen, and why you are going to keep things honest with yourself.

You could be having a weak moment at work, or you could see something that reminds you of him, or hear something about him. All those things will affect your goal of getting past him, so write them out, as a way of dealing with them. You'll feel better, and you'll read it back and have a second chance to deal with the feeling, and it will boost your resolve.

Each time you deal with the 'moments', and not stuff them away, or think about them in that emotional cloud, you will be stronger. Over time you will see that you have gone beyond reacting to a picture of him on Facebook, for example, with emotion. You will see the man for who he is.

I personally find these notebook writings very helpful, because they are my own thoughts and feelings, and they are what they are, not subject to anybody's interpretation but my own. Each time I write about a loss of any kind, writing it out helps so much to put all that 'stuff' somewhere. Then close the notebook, and get going with the rest of the day.

I hope if you decide to try this, that you get some benefit from writing things out. I have come to rely on my notebooks over the years, for many losses including deaths, relationships, illness, etc. and I have never not felt stronger, after I write.

Cut off all contact with him. He is playing you. He is toying with your emotions, and trying to get physical with you. He is engaged to be married. He is a liar and a cheater, and why go back for more. He spared you the heartache, but now he wants the best of both worlds. Please spare yourself anymore agony and heartache, he isn't worth the time of day. He did you a big favor, that you found out now.

Last night, I had broke your no contact advice which I was following. I know it's a big mistake on my part. I was missing him badly and was crying when I dialled his no. but when I striked the advice I just cut the phone. But he called back immediately. I answered his call. We talked for more than two hours.I had nothing to talk about. He took the initiative and said sorry to me for all his behaviour. He cried over phone and insisted me to take him back as friend at least. I don't know why and how I agreed to him and it was decided between us that we will continue to be friends. I don't see him as a friend and I know if I say him or treat him just as a friend is going to be a cheating on my part, cheating to him and cheating to myself. I love him so much, I can't even hear him talking of some other woman. He is going to tie the knot in months. I am sorry I couldn't follow your advice. If I say him no now, don't know how he is going to feel. I am feeling so helpless. I want to marry him but after accepting his friendship I can't say this to him. I couldn't follow your advice. I am not a good person, I am not.

Don't beat yourself up for being human. You do,however,have to move on-he's marrying someone else-those are the cold hard facts here.
Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you sort this out?

Do the right things and tell his fiancé he is sleeping around. It's the right thing to do. Keeping silent and allowing her to go through life with someone who sleeps around is not fair.

This will then also enforce no contact cause the dude will most likely not appreciate it. So it's a win win. You get over him, he leave you alone and his poor fiancé won't get divorced in a few years

No, I am not considering anyone to sort it out. In fact I don't have any friend with whom I can share all this. Its only here I vent out all I feel.

I don't think telling his fiancé about all this will work. And I don't know his fiancé personally. Have heard from him only.

Ami, I know the fact that he is engaged. And I have no intention of getting into those things again especially when I know he has decided for his life. It just happened he cried and I was also weak emotionally.

Sometimes we get emotional. And then it passes.
I agree with you,no point telling the fiancée.
Presumably she'll find out sooner or later what he is capable of.

Have you nobody you can talk to? Best girlfriend?
Your mum?

Amicon has give you some good advice. See a therapist; it will help you stay strong, and work your way through this.

I agree too with talking this out with your mom, or a girlfriend. Invest some time in sharing your thoughts, so you can get the support you need.

No, when he came in my life I lost contact with all my friends slowly . He was the only friend of mine with whom I shared my all problems, my all happiness, my love. I didn't get time for anybody else, was in madly love with him. We used to meet once in a month or two because of our busy schedules but still we used to knew about every minute spent. We were very close to each other. I never felt any need of knowing new people.

I can't share it with my mom. If I do things will get worse for me and for him. Whatever he has done, has done but I don't want to trouble him or hurt him.

That's sad. Can't you at least try to get in touch with your friends and see if your friendships can be rebuilt?

As long as your around he is ganna be around... stringing you along. Girl if a guy can have two girls and get way with it.. he is ganna do it. Either get him out of your life or fight your best to win him back and then either have a great relationship or get played and have your heart broken and then your learn from your mistake to never be around that kind of person again. I did have a relationship with someone like that and i learned from my mistakes... best of luck

Ami, its been a long time I lost touch with all. I don't know whether its going to work or not.

Lknight, I do want to fight to win him back. But I really don't know how. How can I change his mind, his feelings in my favour. If he has decided this, he must have thought something. I didn't even ask the reason, why he did it to me. His fiancée works near to his workplace and they meet twice or thrice on daily basis. And me, when he broke up, I was so much hurt that I was not able to concentrate on my job and lost it. I haven't seen him from months. It feels like a dream to get back together with him.

On a practical note,have you got yourself another job?

Also,have you thought about seeing a therapist so that you can have a face to face talk with someone about this?

You're living in your confused fantasy, mixed up with his sweet cheating in disguise.

TRY to rebuild some friendship, there is always someone out there to be your friend, just takes the right time to kick in. Trust it, naturally and DO your part!

Not yet, but yes I am looking for it now and will get it soon. And I think I should go for no contact from my side at least.

Yes, right. Go for no contact because you're practically blinded..

He will never change.

But in case he contacts me, should I answer him?

Yes, no contact,definitely.

I hope the jobsituation will be sorted out soon.

And try to make new friends,you need a social life.

No,ignore him-it's the only way to handle this.

No, while you're wondering what to do with no contact, just try to read the stickies https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/meaning-no-contact-nc-425290.html

Yes, you are right Ami, he is behaving so sweetly these days but I know it won't last. And with passing days he is going to hurt me again. Will show his attitude etc which I am not ready to face. I can't promise but yes I will try not to answer him.

See it as a detox,go cold turkey-and make a promise to yourself to not reply.

You should do this-for you.

You are right Ami, its difficult no doubt but it's the right thing to do. I will see not to repeat the mistake of breaking NC.

That's the way to go!
And I've noticed that you've started replying to other posters questions-that's a great thing to be doing-helping others,using your own experience!
Stay around!

Broken heart, I've been in a similar situation which everyone must have read about, I've put a link to my story (hope that is OK mods?) because I think it will help you and make you realise that you are not alone.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/he-lies-about-absolutely-everything-why-371342.html

My ex has been contacting me but I'm determined not to respond, he has been saying things like "louise if your going to kill yourself then you are taking your time" and to my friend "tell louise I love her NOT"

He is just so cruel and nasty to me, its like he don't want me but don't want anyone else to have me either. Please remain with the NC, believe me it's the best thing too do, if you break NC then all that hard work will be lost and you will right down to the bottom of the hill again!! Be strong and if you feel the need to contact him, either write in your diary or come on here to vent like I did, we are here to help you xxxx

Today, I am writing here because I really want to talk to him, missing him a lot but I am on NC can't call him. Its our anniversory today, of no use of course. I am filled with all his memories.

Ami, he didn't call me from last 5 days. I am really surprised because the way he was behaving made me think of him a little. I was in doubt. But now what has happened, he didn't call. There are lot of questions in my mind. I know there answeres but still.

You did the right thing coming here. Maybe he is finally getting the message about no contact?
The first round of events you celebrated together can be tough,but next year you probably will just give it a thought in passing.

Stay strong;how is it going with the jobsearch?

Its going good. Giving interviews, hopefully will get something soon.

That's good news. A new job and being around new people will work wonders.

Yes :) thanks Ami , I always feel good to talk to you

Thank you! I hope it helps. :-)

Wish u all the best in finding your new job, it's a turning point in life, hope it work wonders as amicon said!

He messaged me saying that he was really busy with work that's why couldn't call me. He said he is upset for the failure of a project. I replied him saying two words to support him and nothing more.
What you all think did I do the wrong in replying him? He came to me because he was upset, I guess.

I think you should not break NC- for any reason.
Let him be upset,that's his problem-not yours.

My family wants me to marry and settle down now. I am not prepared for marriage mentally and emotionally. He is in my thoughts all the time. I am following NC with lot of difficulty these days.
Whenever I think of marriage, I think of him. Can't I get him back?
Life has become so difficult, I know all the answers still I continue asking the same again and again. I still love him and want him back and I know its not going to happen.

It doesn't matter what your family thinks about your getting married-that's for you to decide when you're in a future,stable and happy relationship with a man you can trust,who respects you and who is on the same page as you are.

It's good you're sticking to NC-yes it's tough,but it gets easier.

Don't think about getting back with the ex.
Think about building a new life for yourself.

I don't want to think about him but it comes naturally. I am trying to control this but every time it gets out of control.

You need to find enough distractions to keep your mind busy.
You can control your actions.

I want to share something, in past few days I had broke the rules of NC again. And this time not because I was missing him badly but out of the curiousity and some hidden feelings I still have for him.
He was constantly in touch with me, was showing his friendly behaviour, tried to flirt with me, giving indirect invitations, but I remained strong this time. I didn't weep, didn't surrender and gave him clear no reply, thanks to the support I got from you.
I noticed a few things and I am little confused about this. He showed to me that my changed attitude is bothering him, questioned a lot like he wanted to know about what's going on in my life etc. And surprisingly he didn't say a single word about his fiancé like he used to do earlier. In fact his conversations with me was like he has no one in his life. But I know the fact and I keep it in my mind always. He showed concern about my family and me. And suddenly he became distant, showing a little attitude again and becoming unavailable. I felt like he only wants me around or what.
I am trying to understand this person. When all things are cleared between to of us. What exactly he is after? He knew very well that I am not going to fulfill his wishes and I know that he is not going to give me what I want. Then why he come again and again.

He's playing a game with you.
When you pull back and go NC he suddenly becomes attentive-UNTIL he has got your attention again.
Then he backs off and leaves you with all these questions.

That is why complete,and total NC works.
Not to bring him back,but to allow you to heal and get back on track.

I would urge you to not break the no contact again.

What he will get by playing games? Ami, I am very much clear that if he has a woman in his life I am not going to be in relationship with him again. I just gave him a chance to say what he wanted to say.
And thanks to your support, I was not weak while interacting with him.
Ami, what game he is playing and why?

I don't know him so I can only guess at how his mind works.
Some people like to have power over others-in this case knowing that you are there still caring for him.
That's what I think it might be,as he doesn't stop.

The decent thing to do when we break up with someone is to leave them alone and allow them to heal.

Again,don't spend all this time trying to understand him- spend it on getting on with your life and trying to find happiness again.

Valentine's day has passed, he didn't call me or msgd me. I guess he understood that he is wasting his time. I think its all over from his side as well.
Feeling relieved because now no one is disturbing me but at the same time feeling like something is missing.

Nothing is missing-you still have you and a better stronger you at that.
He has got the message-time to move forward and start enjoying life!

Its been more than a month we didn't talk to each other. Sometimes he message me some joke, and once a while asks me how I am doing. He is busy with his new life, his wedding date has been finalised and he will marry after three months.
Now, I myself has started feeling like everything is finished and nothing can be done in this regard. Today, I am here because feeling some kind of peace inside and its really unknown to me. After so many days, months and years I'm feeling like this. I know I have lost him and no one can bring him back. I think that's what we call life. I did all to get him back begging, pleading, requesting all and then I came here, got lot of good advices here. You all have shown me the path. Thanks to all of you.
I don't know what I will do next, what life has for me but he will be with me forever in my memories. :)

You've reached acceptance and from now on you'll find that it gets a lot easier and soon you'll be whole again.

We all remember our exes,but that's all they are,memories.

Take care.

He messaged me late in night around 3 in which he said that he wants me back as his girlfriend. I didn't reply to his message and just ignored. Again after two days late in night he started calling me again and again. First I ignored his calls and when his calls didn't stop I just rejected his call. Then again he messaged me that he wants me back, missing me. To which I simply asked about his fiancé and he said she will remain in his life too. He is not going to leave her anyway and want to get back together with me.
I was thinking like all is setteled now as I wrote earlier that he don't call me much but once a while send me a message to ask about my well-being. I was taking it like everything is calm and settled now.
Why he did this again? He will be married in two months, why?

Good manners and this sites rules prevent me from using the phrase that first came to my mind,so I'm going to go with:
He does this because he is an emotional cripple and a cheating douchebag.

Don't reply to his messages,all you do is set yourself back.

Change your number.

Don't accept this any longer.

Whatever he is doesn't affect me now. I suffered a lot bcoz of him and the NC rule helped me a lot. I feel much stronger now and will not allow him to play with my emotions any more.

Ami, one thought is coming into my mind again and again. The way he behaved, I told you all, his intentions are crystal clear to me and I am very much able to deal with him now. But one thing is strange after all his drama, he suddenly disappeared not a single call or message, even when we both were online he doesn't react or not even tried to talk. Its good I know. But I am feeling like he will try again and if he will then what's in his mind. Its almost 1.5years we broke up and still he, I really don't know what he is going to do next.

Hearts,it's good he's stopped all communication-I would block him so you won't even know he 's online.

As for his future moves,who knows?
I wouldn't worry about that though,keep doing well and keep healing.
Take care.

He sent me a message today saying that he got promoted and wanted to share it with me. I didn't respond to his message. I don't know why he couldn't understand, what he want to show?

Can't you block him?
All his messages do,is have you wondering again.

Seems to me he would want to share this with his fiancé, but I suspect he is trying his best to suck you back in. I think if you stop reading into his overtures, and not reply, he will soon get the hint and leave you alone.

As long as he has a false hope you will comeback, he will keep trying. So don't feed into him. Keep coming here with your questions and stay out of his life. Period.

I think he expects you to act as you did in the past, and fall all over his BS. When you don't it's a blow to his ego.

Read some of the posts here about exes who go nuts, when they can't handle No Contact from their exes. That what going on with your ex, he wants a rise from you, an ego boost, nothing more, and not talking about the woman he intends to marry is a sure sign he doesn't want you thinking about her.

I can't block the messages, I have discussed this on technical forum of this site for the messages I am receiving from an unknown person.
Yes, he wants me back in his life but not as his wife as his girlfriend. He wants to continue this all his life out of his wife's knowledge. I have already stopped replying to his messages and calls. I don't even think about what he is doing and all because it will only leave me hurt. But the moment I start thinking that now its done, now he will not come back he suddenly appears. He always informed me about every little move of his life and surprisingly when we were in relationship he never did this, then why he is doing this now. He always try to enquire what's going in my life. Is there any person in my life or not? Why? He has nothing to do with it now. Yes, its true that I am not seeing anyone after him but why he is interested to know this.
One thing I am sure of now that he never loved me, this site helped me a lot and I can't express it in words what strength I got from here.

A: Tal's right,this guys updates are just his stupid way of trying to get you hooked again,so if you can't delete him-delete his messages without reading them.

B it doesn't matter why he is doing this;once a person is out of your life,its no longer important why they do and think x,y or z.

C I'm very happy that we're helping you.

Keep us posted.

Yes, he wants me back in his life but not as his wife as his girlfriend. He wants to continue this all his life out of his wife's knowledge
Screening, and warding off unwanted people in our lives, is an ongoing chore we all deal with.

You don't worry about the whys, its frustrating, it's the how's that you deal with.

He may need a strong motivation if his advances continue, like threatening to call his g/f-fiancé, if he can't take the hint of being ignored.

I did this once, when he first time disclosed his intentions to me about cheating his fiancé with me. I asked him if you have ever think of if your fiancé come to know about what you are doing to which he just replied - if she comes to know? Who will tell her? You? And the fact is I don't know much about his fiancé and don't know her personally and have never seen her. We don't have any common friends as well. May be because of this he is sure that I have no way by which I can contact her fiancé.

On that same note-you know where he works,right?
So you could tell the ex that you might have a word with his boss.. .

Yes, I know where he works. But telling his boss, will it work?

You have a right to be left alone and as he doesn't respect your wishes,I would suggest that you,if he contacts you again,tell him that you won't put up with it any longer.

You could let him know that,if he doesn't respect his wishes you would consider contacting his boss.

I don't know what's happening with me. I couldn't sleep for two nights. All day and night, I am filled with his thoughts, I am not able to concentrate on anything. I don't want to think about him, what should I do? The moments we spent together is coming in front of me. I don't want to feel the way I am.

Find things to occupy your mind-keep busy-and start doing some kind physical exercise to make you tired enough to be able to fall asleep.

You can shut those thoughts down by concentrating on other things and by being active.

I tried with your advice Ami, but its not working. Every time I do some work, his thoughts came up and distract me from the work. Two times I was about to met an accident. I don't know what to do. I thought I was over him but I think something is left inside. After so many peaceful days its happening to me. I am having sleepless nights and if get sleep, I found my dreaming about our marriage.
I don't know what to do. I want to see him, but I am stick to NC.

That's tough,but sticking to NC is your best option.

You need your sleep though,have you tried listening to relaxing music once you are in bed?
You could try some lavender essential oil,which is soothing.
If you do,please read the instructions on the label.

Give yourself time,you will heal,just be patient.

Sorry BH, there are no easy quick fixes to what is making you miserable. You have to deal with reality and stick to it until you feel better on your own.

Yes its hard, so what? It has to be done so just do it no matter how hard it is. Sorry!

We met unexpectedly in market. But we both ignored each other and just passby. But after this for the next two days he kept on sending me sweet messages saying that he loves me and even called me three-four times to which I didn't respond. He said that he wants to meet me and want to talk to me.
Now, he disappeared as usual. Should I meet him? I am scared of meeting him. Now, there is nothing left we can talk about. And I don't want him to fool me again. He always used my feelings to take advantage and I don't want to happen it again.

'Now there is nothing left to talk about'.

That answers your question.

Keep ignoring him and keep moving on.

He again met me and this time he stopped my way and talked to me for 5minutes. He said that his decision of not marrying me was a practical one, he didn't feel that I can be his life partner but at the same time want my friendship and want me to get settled as well. He said that he is very much concerned with me that's why he thinks about me. I listened to him quietly and then moved on my way because I had nothing to say. And on the same night he text me, saying that he is very much happy with his decision and his life and he wants the same for me. And then he disappeared as before. I don't know what he really want from me now and I really don't believe a single word of his.

Broken Heart - the best thing that you can do is aviod all contact and move on with your life. It is clear that it is over, he has made this clear. Its very hard I know believe me but total NC is the only way that you are going to completely heal and move on without this false hope that you seem to have.

If you do see him again then be polite and say hello but don't stop and chat as you only hear words from him that upset you. You need to understand that this relationship is over and that he has moved on. The sooner that you accept that fact the sooner you will heal. Take care and good luck xx

Should this happen again,a polite Hi-I'm busy-bye,no point hanging around listening to his BS-just walk away.

I don't know what he really want from me now and I really don't believe a single word of his.
He means to keep the door open, by staying on your mind, but you have done well to not believe him, nor trust him.

He thinks he can wear you down with his friendship, to eventually convince you to be friends with benefits.

Often people do that when they,

1)Are involved, or married, but have need for a very discreet partner.

2)Have an outlet for any future lust. So he is grooming you by keeping you close with no hope of anything solid in the future.

Lets face it, what guy presses this hard for friendship? But as long as your confused, then you will not stop him from doing as he wants.

If he was a respectful, and honest guy, would he not care if his current g/f knew of you? As it is, he can come to you as a friend, he can lay the typical pity trip, his girlfriend/wife doesn't understand him, and he is miserable, and need you(his friend) to console him.

He just keeps the feelings stirred up for his own purpose. Don't let him, you're smarter than that. Never accept being his mistress, or secret lover.

I already said no to his proposal of being his secret lover and after that for few days he kept silent then he came back with the things I mentioned last time.
I don't have any hope of getting him back. Yes, sometimes his behaviour left me in doubts but now I have seen his engagement ring from my own eyes and now there are no doubts.
And the latest , Last night he text me saying that he has changed his job to some other company and location. Because his fiancé works near to his workplace and now she will not be around him all the time. He wants to take me on lunch. I didn't reply to his message yet and even I am not going to.

Good on you for ignoring him,I think its time you block him,or change your mobile phonenumber.

He is trying to year you down with his stupid little games well done for not letting him.

He text me again saying, that he contacts me because he is very much attached to me and misses me and if I have not refused to get physical with him for which he always insisted then today I would have been his wedded wife. Is this his way to convince me for the things he wants?

Delete his texts without reading them-or,as I said before,CHANGE your number.

Let this go now-stop trying to analyze his actions-its not important anymore.

Broken heart

You will stop having a broken heart when you put this man out of your mind and form a network of healthy relationships with friends and any family you like.

Take charge of your life and stop worrying about why your ex does the things he does. He is obviously a bad apple. His communications make you miserable. And yet you seem addicted to thinking about him because he pushes you away and pulls you toward him all the time.

Stop taking his calls and stop trying to figure him out. He doesn't matter. Instead think about your work, your hobbies, and how to start making friends. Join a group. It doesn't matter if it's church or a political group that is trying to do some good in the world. Find something to do that is of interest to you and make some friends while you are at it.

Time to change your life!

Are you not insulted yet, he is trying to make you his mistress??

To which he will never succeed, I never reply to any of his messages or calls. I have checked with the service providers, they don't provide the message blocking service.
At a time a loved him more than anything and it really surprises me how he can do such things. But now nothing is left. He will never succeed in his intentions.

Change your phonenumber.

I would speak to a solicitor/lawyer and ask them to write him a letter telling him his communications are not wanted.

You need to get him completely out of your life.

Next month, he will be married. After getting guidance from you and knowing all his intentions, I was having a hope somewhere that he will back. But now its gone completely. Today, I have no hope. But I am glad that I did what all you guys advised me of going no contact with him. It saved me a lot. Yes, I sometimes feel lonely and cry while remembering him but the pain of losing him has very much reduced. Now I attend all the parties, meet my friends and able finish my tasks.
Thanks to you guys. You have really helped me when I was alone.
Thanks from my heart.

He tried to talk to me soon after coming from his honeymoon. I simply avoided him as I was doing earlier. But he is still trying to talk and his attempts are not so frequent, he usually take 10 to 12 days every time. I found him checking my profile on public websites. I don't want to talk to him. Should I tell him clearly this thing again? Or my silent avoidance is enough for sending him this message? I can't express how I am feeling these days. I feel fine when I am around people or busy in work. But the moment I am free, my mind get diverted to his thoughts and cry a lot. Sometimes I want to kill myself and sometimes I want to kill him. But these feelings come and go. Please help me to come out of this. I have already lost my precious years to him and I don't want to repeat this all over again.

Dear Broken Heart,
I am so sorry you are still suffering. I hope it's obvious how unfaithful he is (or is planning to be) to his new wife, trying to contact you when he has just married. He should be ashamed of himself, yet clearly he is not. He feels entitled to marry one woman while STILL trying to string you along and get you to be his mistress. What a jerk.

You definitely should not talk to him about this. Continue No Contact.

Whatever you can do to eliminate your knowing what he is doing, you should do, including blocking him electronically and changing your phone number.

I am concerned that you are depressed. I'm glad you have friends and that that is helping, but if you are having thoughts of killing yourself you need to get help. It's hard for me to tell from your post how serious these feelings are. If they are just angry fleeting thoughts, that's one thing. But if you have actually made an plans, you should talk to a counselor. Do be careful what you say, however, as they can lock you up for saying you want to kill yourself (or him), even if you know you are not serious. (If you are, don't do it! )

Either way, start reading about depression and doing what you can to alleviate yours. The basics are to get regular sleep, regular exercise, have good daily structure and routines, and to take control of things in your life. Don't let things just happen to you; decide things yourself actively. Make plans for your future that make you feel engaged and happy.

You are well rid of this man and if you can see this as a fresh beginning and not worry about the "wasted years" you'll be able to move forward. After a certain age, most people have wasted some amount of time with the wrong partner or in the wrong job. There are usually good memories and bad ones, but the point is to learn what you can from it and move forward, not waste time beating yourself up over a mistake. My sense is that you were pretty innocent in all this. It was not your fault in any way. I seriously doubt he "chose" her because she's a better person, but because she was more convenient in some way. You are really lucky you did not marry him! Congratulations! You will find someone who is a better person. Meanwhile, you need time to rediscover happiness.

Know that you are better off.

All I know is that I don't wish to be, talk to, see someone that doesn't want me.

Hes shown that. No more reasons to waste anymore of your precious time on him.

And contacting you after his honeymoon. Geez, what balls.

Just stay NC. You life will be so much better without these lies & drama.

Good luck. You can do it & will get through this a way stronger person. Hopefully for good people that can recognize it.

Please change your phone number.

Every time you get a call and message from him its like a needle prick to your heart and soul.

Get off the "emotional rollercoaster" and cut ALL contact.

Trust me when I say it does help. I changed my phone number after I ended it with my ex of 13 years and it has helped immensely.

If you don't want to change it, ask yourself why?

I don't have any plans of killing myself or him, it just a feeling that comes when I lose control of myself. I would have done it long before, if I want it. But I have learnt to fight with life and unfortunately it's the toughest battle till date.You said that I have no fault in this, of course I have.. I have fault of loving him and trusting him blindly, of giving him right to torture me, to use me.
You said he chosen her because she is a better person.. yes she is. She belongs to a very rich family.. and what I learned during our relationship he always gave priority to money. Money was the first priority in his life. He broke up with me soon after I lost my job. I came to see his wedding and honeymoon pics unexpectedly from somewhere, I never expected. They don't have a physical match. I don't know the girl personally, and I don't want to comment on how she is as a person? But I don't think this could be the only reason. She must be a better person.
And one thing is sure she is also being cheated. Whatever his reason was of leaving me doesn't matter to me now.
I am trying my best to come out of all this with all time failure. The torture he gave me, I can't stop myself of reminding the things he said to me, the emotional blackmailing he did.
I don't know how long it takes. Will I ever be able to live a better life with some better person? I am scared of getting into any kind of relationship. I don't want to get hurt again.

"you said that i have no fault in this, of course i have"

Yes. Its take two.

"You said he chosen her because she is a better person.."

Nope, that's not true. That's in your head right now. Totally false.

" I came to see his wedding and honeymoon pics unexpectedly from somewhere, i never expected. They dont have a physical match.

Not for you to decide. Hes married. Stop looking or hunting for reasons. Comparing. Its done for you & he. Face facts.

Unexpectedly, c'mon.

He married another girl. What else do you need to know?

"I am trying my best to come out of all this with all time failure."

That's the opposite of what you should be thinking.

People don't always work together, change their minds, have blinders on, want other things. Whatever.

That's life.

The reasons don't matter. Only if you look critically & use the facts to help you later.

Its for you now to accept the facts, don't blame anyone & rise above this, so you can be better. Understand yourself, your goals, skills and how to get you there.

Believe me, this all sucks. I know your pain. But this pain you feel, is yours. Not his or hers.

Let him go, he's made his decision.

Now its time to go NC, and rebuild yourself. One that will be 1000 times better.

You can dwell, be hurt, sad, obsess, or, you can say screw this.

Your decision.

its been a long time now that we broke up. he dumped me for an another woman and is engaged with her and is going to marry in few months. he always says that he wants to be friend with me and shows interest in getting physical with me. as per the advice received i stopped talking to him. he also did stop calling me and messaging me. i tried but its really difficult for me to forget him after such a long period of relationship. i am very sure that i am in love with person and i think can't love anyone else again like this. i really really want him back in my life but see no way. last time when i called him few days back he again showed the same interest and said he wants to meet. should i go and meet him? i dont want any nonsense realtion (without any commitment) but i do want to win him forever. is there any way i get my love back from this another woman who is his fiancee now?? or should i accept the fact that he is gone forever??? i dont want to spoil anything but its becoming really difficult for me. every 24 hours he is in mind. i have lost almost everything in my life (no interests) i dont know what to do??? please help me and advice me how can i get back him and if its not possible how can i get over him?

:eek: get rid of him. From what your text, I guess he doest love you anymore. Just want get sth from u.. . just wants u.
U won't get love from him.
So leave.

I am on NC from a pretty long time, its only him who always come and tries. I changed my no. because of him. But he never stopped, he always find a way to contact me. Its all over and I have accepted this. But I think he needs to understand this. I am not a doll with whom he can play.
Yes, I saw his pics but that was purely a coincidence not my intention. Why I would want to hurt myself? I only want to move on and get settled in life. But his interruptions like this made me mad. He never let me. I never tried to know about his life, I don't want to ruin my life. Its true that I still feel the pain but I never let it come out in front of him. I hate them both.

Doesn't sound like it to me.

NC is zero contact. That means nothing. Block him. Do whatever to remove him.

If he wants to try, then there is no one on the other end.

Get it?

You are the invisible woman.

You have spent so long trying to work out why he acts the way he does as though that would give you closure. The fact is he gets something out of the games he plays with you, we don't know what, a boost to his ego maybe. It doesn't matter. The point is he wants to keep taking something from you without giving anything worthwhile back. Why aren't you angry enough to slam the door in his face (not just literally but by being completely unavailable to his messages and emotionally unavailable to him)?

Think how much time and energy you are giving to this man by constantly thinking about him and going over and over this. Reclaim your time and your energy! Spend it on yourself. Don't waste a single second reading one of his messages. This is your life and you have given enough to of it to this. Start living it for you.

So true.

He used you & keeps on doing it.
But only because you've let him & keep letting him.

I wonder what his wife would think if she knew he was still contacting you.

Let her deal with that mess now. Your free, thank yourself.

I was with an extreme user recently. And stupid not only to get with her, but to allow her to use me.

Now Im glad, after all the pain & lots of it after the fact.

We can judge all we want, but we are all human. Built with the capacity to love, give and recognize what does & doesn't work.

We all need lessons sometimes. Makes us better people.

How is he getting your number if you have changed it?

I have told everyone not to give my number out. That is the decision I make for myself.

You need to make it clear to everyone around you that you do not want him in your life so don't give him your number.

If he is getting your number doing dodgy stuff then you need to get a lawyer to draft a nice letter to Mr & Mrs XXXX telling him to leave you alone or you will take it further.. i.e. the police.

If you don't take a stand you will always be the "victim". Maybe that's what you want?

Actually, I was saying she was probably not a better person, but just more convenient. And money is exactly the kind of thing I meant. She is unfortunate enough to have enough money to attract a man like your ex. Poor thing.

I do not think you are at fault for having been susceptible to manipulation. You have learned to be wary. The trick is to be aware of how some people behave without letting it keep you from loving. You let your brain guide your heart. I know you are still hurting, especially right now, with this fresh round of little torments, but you will heal with time.

Don't plan to wall yourself off from another love. In time, you'll be ready. There's no rush now. Give yourself time to process what you've learned and recover from the humiliation this man put you through. I assume you are still young, 20s? and there are many honorable men who would never behave like this.

By the way, have you been able to get another job? Being unemployed can make a person depressed, all by itself.

QLP- I don't know what he gets by doing all this. He is getting all from his wife then why? I don't have any answer for this. You are right, my thoughts always remain in our good and bad memories. And this is the thing I want to get rid of and I don't know how. I am trying. I just want him out of my life and out of my thoughts.
Vanheart - You said what her wife would think if she knew he is still contacting me. Its going to be a complete surprise for her. Because she doesn't know about our relationship at all. She is not aware of anything.
Kaka - I don't have any idea from where he got my no.
Asking - I am in my mid 20s. I got a job few months back, but then I came to know that he is living near to that place and I didn't join. I was afraid of him. I thought if I join there, he will make my life miserable. I am still looking for work and thinking of relocation. I am waiting for my parents approval over this.
And about any relationship, I am really very scared to get into one. My parents want me to get married but I think I need some time so that I can make myself ready for the person I will marry. Why some other person suffer because of me? And one more thing is disturbing me about marriage and that is how I will tell the guy about my relationship with this man. Should I tell him or not? If yes then to what details. I don't want to cheat on any person by hiding these things.

One thing at a time. Get him out of your life, and heal from his actions to get beyond them. Don't be afraid of him, because he has no power over you, because he knows if you tell his woman he is engaged to, that he is harassing you, it will cause problems. He wants you to be afraid, ashamed, and most of all silent.

When he contacts you, tell him to leave you alone, or his woman will be told, and end the conversation. Don't look back, because he may be a psycho NUT.

Do you have a friend to talk to who can support you?? Talk to you? Listen to you?? That's what you really need right now, a trusted girlfriend, or female whom you trust.

Yes, I do have a friend now with whom I think I can share these things.

Then you no longer need him in your life and can vent, rant, and rebuild a life you enjoy without him. He may harass you again, but then you need to take the proper steps to STOP him from doings so. Legal of course.

When ignoring someone doesn't work, call for help. Bet his fiancé can stop him, what do you bet? Or a cop!! Or a male friend! You have options, he does NOT, except to leave you alone, or face consequences for his bad behavior.

I think you are right, if his wife comes to know about this, she will kill him and I think he would not like this to happen.

As far as you are concerned now, he, his new wife or anything else that has to do with him are no longer your concern.

You are now invisible to him. Stay that way.

And, yes, if this becomes an harassment issue. Call the cops.

You are better off now.

He has stopped all kind of communication with me now. That's what I was wanting for a long time, but I am not feeling good about it which I should. I am looking on his name, reading that again and again. I know finally its over from his side as well and this is the right thing, I don't know why the hell I am feeling like this. I hate him but why I am feeling like this.

Your feelings are normal, and rather healthy, as you grieve from the finality, and acceptance of your loss. It hurts, but is a good healthy sign.

7 STAGES OF GRIEF (http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html)

Two days back in midnight he started calling me and kept on calling me for almost one and half hour. I saw his missed calls in morning. Then in morning he sent me message apologizing for the last night calls and said he only wanted to know how I am doing to which I didn't reply. I need help to get rid of his thoughts. From the past 10-11 days I keep on cursing him all the time for what he has done with me. I don't want to think about him but always find myself in doing it. I try to divert my mind to some other things and end up with headache. Even in nights I am unable to sleep and if I get sleep, I find myself dreaming about him and cursing him in dreams as well. I was never like this and I never said anything bad to him ever and this kind of my behaviour is surprising me a lot. I want to get rid of his thoughts whether its good or bad. Do I need some medical help to forget him completely?

No, just stay NC. Don't worry that he's trying to contact you.

I went through the same. Dealing with those thoughts, nightmares, etc..

The reality is that he doesn't your time or thoughts. He not in your life anymore.

You don't deserve them either, unless you use them to heal.

Don't worry. It takes time. Make sure that you are doing nice & productive things for yourself.

Its been over a year for me, and when thoughts of my ex pop in, I quickly start thinking of anything else.

The busier you are with cool stuff, the less you have time to waste filling your head with him.

And block him.

Don't listen to his voicemails.

Treat everything as spam. Delete.

Thoughts of him? Delete...

These days I am missing him a lot. We are not in touch now for a long time and he is also not trying which is good, but still I am missing him. I want to move on with life, but whenever I try, his thoughts take me 10steps back. How do I forget him, I have tried all but I am not able to come over him.

Healing is a process, not an event, it takes time, just like rebuilding your life, it takes time and effort.

That depends on how you use your time, and the effort you put in, to make the right adjustments, and how patient you are with yourself.

This guy was bad news. Think about that.

Its been long enough. You really got to move on.

Don't wait around missing his BS anymore. Waiting for him to reel you back in again.

Screw that.

Its great you haven't been in contact. Keep it that way.

There's really no need to miss him, unless you like misery. Haven't you wasted enough time on him?

I am here again to get some insight into the matter. I went for an interview, everything was almost done then I came to know it was him after all this. He gave my reference over there. I didn't join and came back. One of my friend says that he is trying to have an affair with me and its just a part of it. But he said he was concerned for me and will always be there whenever I need him. We are not in touch for a long long time. I don't know anything about him or his life and even not interested to know. And he behaved like nothing was there between two of us ever. At the same time after so many months of his marriage why he want my friendship?
Are his intentions still same and he is just pretending to be innocent? Or he is actually changed?
I am over him and being a friend to him is not going to bother me. But the question is why should I? I don't see myself as his friend.
And again, he wants to be my friend, is this called cheating on his part to his wife? Lot of questions here. Please advice.

Hes using you. Wants you in his back pocket.

Don't be his friend or anything else.

You are getting nothing out of this situation.

Move on. Leave him & this in the dust.

I can't say if it was a play to get your confidence, or just being nice to a friend, but since you passed on it, and will not be in his debt, so feel free to forget it, and don't trip on motives that only he can know. You are not beholding to him for anything and that's a good place to be.

You may never have real answers to your questions, but you don't need them either if you really consider it. He did what he did, and all that matters is what you did about it, once you found out. That was a profound step to take for yourself.

No matter his motives, you proved you don't need him in your life.

I agree with both of you..

I did the biggest mistake of my life. He kept on trying talking to me and I gave in. Its been two months now.. we are in touch... never met... But we talk almost everyday during his office hours almost half of the day except on weekends... nothing romantic at all.. just the general talks... without his wife's knowledge... he is very much happy in his life.. and I found no guilt in him... and I am sure now that I will never find any... I am feeling really bad now... hurt again... I am repenting over why I started talking to him... it made me miserable... I don't know what I need to do now... I am not getting the words to explain how I am feeling right now...

You don't have to explain the feelings, we already know the misery only to well. The thing to do is stop having all contact, and keep it that way.

You need to listen to Talaniman and leave it alone.

We all have out limits of what we will put up with, when you get sick of this you will move on.

Not before more damage is done unfortuantely.

But what would I tell him... why I don't want to talk...

If talking to this married man makes you miserable, why keep doing it? There is no hope for love or romance, and he is talking to you behind his wife's back. What can be gained by keeping him in your life period?

You are the one who is miserable and he is not, so what is it you want from him now?

You are right Tal.. I don't need anything from him... when I started talking to him... nothing was in my mind, I was sure that I am over this person.. and talking to him will not effect me in any way... but I was wrong... I am feeling really bad... its like the strength I gained in so many months has started to vanish all of sudden... I have understood now that I can't be his friend at any stage of life... no matter how strong I feel I have become... I will always be weak when it comes to him... I still feel bad with his wife's presence in his life.. and I am in fix now.. how to convey this to him... that I don't want to continue with this friendship... especially when he doesn't say anything bad in this period... he will surely ask so many questions...
Tal.. one question was coming to mind when I started feeling like this... and I didn't get any answer... I am sure you can help me with it... Tal.. I loved this man more than anything.. and whatever happened you know all... he was the one who left me... the reasons I still don't know... thats fine.. but he wanted me back as his friend... I refused for long... now what he thinks of me... of our relation... I mean no one hide his/her friends with his partner... am I right here... and if he sees me just as a friend as he behaves and says then why he is hiding this friendship from his wife... Am I on the way of becoming what he wanted me to be earlier... his mistress?? I hate this... I won't be able to handle this kind of insult... I cant...
Please throw some light on this issue... is it only a thought of my mind... or it could be the fact from his side...

Hi Broken,

I can see no other reason that sex driving his motives, no matter what else he says.

Please just cut it off with him, the past is the past can't be changed only today and tomorrow hold change.

Stringer

I don't know what's on his mind, but I do know that people use the friend thing to keep people close to them for their own purpose. It would be up to you to stay out of situations that can harmful to you. That's the focus, no matter what his motives are.

It's a red flag when a married man keeps secret contact with a female. I would think if everything was straight honest, and above board, he wouldn't be sneaking around behind her back. If you feel used, you probably are.

The sooner you let him be. The sooner you can leave this behind you.

Forget the notion of getting some kind of answers why. That's a fools game.

Never contact him again. And if he tries, don't respond.

Hes made his decision. Now you make yours. To move on. That will give you closure.

And the strength to be happy again. Trust me.

Am i on the way of becoming what he wanted me to be earlier...his mistress???

Absolutely, yes. You are lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

I'm going to be a bit harsh, because this has been going on so long.
Why you take this guy's calls is beyond me.

He cheated on you; he dumped you for someone else; and now he wants to be "friends" with benefits, whenever he can talk you into bestowing those bennies.

If you cannot resist him, you may as well go camp out on his wife's doorstep and bring all the drama to a head.Otherwise, you are just going to be writing the same letters about the same thing 25 years from now. You will have wasted your whole life on this guy.

If you don't have enough self respect and sense of self preservation to just walk away, and if you really want to end this, call his wife and tell her what he calls you all the time and won't stop. I am betting he'll stop calling you because he'll be so angry with you for spoiling his fun.

I questioned him why hides me from his wife.. to which he replied his wife knows about me a little.. only that I am a friend of his... nothing more.. but still he doesn't want to talk to me in front of his wife because he don't want his wife to know what relation we actually had in past... and he doesn't want any kind of mess... and he sees me as a good friend of his and nothing more... I am bit of confused now... coz whenever I listen to all of you... I am fully convinced with what all you say... but he says and behaves exactly opposite... and now the recent one I got job and my office is located adjacent to his office building... door by door you can say... I have told him that I am not comfortable in meeting him... to which he said take your time... he said he feels that I am still having feelings for him.. which he says is not good and I should come out of those feelings and if needed he will help me in this... now how can help me in this... when we were on NC... he tried almost everything to break that... and now when we are talking he is saying all this...
Earlier he used to say in clear words that he wants me in his life as his girl along with his wife... but his words have been changed now... he haven't said anything wrong till date... but I don't want to get trapped in anything... I am not experienced in the world of romance.. this guy was the first one in my life... and I am very bad in judging people too...
I know I don't have any future with this guy... and I don't want to get involved with him again... which I cleared him too... he behaves so innocently that it becomes difficult for me to be harsh to him... I know its been a very long time... and I am still stuck up in all this... I want a good future too.. a respectable life... but I am not getting the way to deal with him...

Tell him that it is over.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Stringer again.


Harshness warning

Do NC properly!! What part of no future with a married man is it you don't understand? What part of NC is it you don't get? You are so confused when he talks to you, SO STOP TALKING TO HIM, DUH!!

This is about you dealing with your own feelings in a mature way, and that's what NC is about! That's how you heal, grow, and learn, for your own good, NOT HIS! Screw him. (oops, bad choice of words) He is but keeping you confused as he grooms you to be his long term chick on the side, that's what he will help you with, accepting to service him when he needs to be serviced.

End of rant

I met him yesterday... we talked to each other for 5 minutes.. he said he wants to meet me again... after few hours I gave him call and he behaved so strange.. like he was avoiding me.. and he was out alone... I understand there is no future.. and here I don't want to lie you all... when I met him for a minute I felt the same I used to feel before.. and I am actually feeling good... I couldn't sleep the entire night... that 5 minutes I spent with him was flashing in my eyes... earlier I was scared of him... but now I am not... I was happy to see him after a very long time... I know it can have very bad consequences... but I couldn't resist him... its all becoming complicated now... I am stuck between right and wrong... I don't want to be someone for his fun like you all said and at the same time , I want to meet him again... but only talking to him would mean something else.. I am feeling good without any reason... can't we be in touch just as friends... or NC would be better option for both of us... may be I am not able to see what everyone can... my heart is getting out of control... I want to see him again and again but I am trying to control this... my heart is saying one thing and mind is saying another...

That's why sticking with NC works.

Removes all of that flip-flopping, heartache & false hopes.

The more you play this game, the more hurt you will be.

Start now.

I met him yesterday...we talked to each other for 5 minutes..he said he wants to meet me again...after few hours i gave him call and he behaved so strange..like he was avoiding me..and he was out alone... i understand there is no future.. and here i dont want to lie you all...when i met him for a minute i felt the same i used to feel before.. and i am actually feeling good...i couldnt sleep the entire night...that 5 minutes i spent with him was flashing in my eyes... earlier i was scared of him...but now i am not...i was happy to see him after a very long time...i know it can have very bad consequences...but i couldnt resist him... its all becoming complicated now...i am stuck between right and wrong...i dont want to be someone for his fun like u all said and at the same time , i want to meet him again.... but only talking to him would mean something else.. i am feeling good without any reason...cant we be in touch just as friends...or NC would be better option for both of us...may be i am not able to see what everyone can...my heart is getting out of control...i want to see him again and again but i am trying to control this...my heart is saying one thing and mind is saying another...

Absolutely NC. Your mind is trying to help you out of all this... listen up!

Your heart is leading you down the path of misery, and utter stupidity, and your brain is trying to tell your heart to shut the hell up. Its up to you to choose which one you listen to.

Break all the contact until you know because, you keep with these little friendly feel good meetings, you know darn well your common sense will go out the window, and he will use you, and you will be very miserable again.

You are forgetting the fact he's with someone else and wants to marry her. And had her before you broke up.

You being his friend is just gravy for him.

Why wouldn't he want to be your friend. You are falling all over him.

Get some self-respect. You don't want him as a friend. You want him back.

Isn't going to happen. Read back through your thread. Hes using you. And you continue to let it happen.

Stop now. You are the one that's creating your own hurt.

NC. The only way.

Choices, you have two that only you can make, not us for you, plain and simple I believe;

A. Continue doing what you are doing, enjoy the 'moments', enjoy what you feel are the 'benefits' that you will possibly have for the short run. And it will be the short run because I can guarantee you that his fiancee/wife WILL find out about you and the truth. And the problems that you have now will be nothing compared to what is going to be coming your way.

All our advice means nothing if you decide to coast along hoping for the best. Only you can be mature enough to step back and see what you are doing to yourself. Because he really isn't doing this against your will, you are the one that is letting him do it. Have you ever heard the term intrinsic fortitude?

B. Simple, first make the decision that you are a better person than this and more than a spare bed partner (sorry, but true) for him whenever he wants you.

Do you think that you are the first to ever go through this? You know you aren't. And if you were not involved in this, what advice would you give to someone being used like this?

Stop now, yep right now, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are a better person than this. Your mom didn't raise an idiot.

Good luck,

Stringer

I will try to go for NC again.. but what I will say if he ask what problem I have now when I was OK with it a day ago... and another thing even if I don't talk to him.. he will be there in front of me.. coz of our office location... or should I convey it to him as well that its going to be a trouble for both us in the long run and we can't be friends.. going for NC at this time is going to be very much difficult for me personally.. I maintained it earlier with lots of effort and again I am there from where I started... he didn't say anything wrong yet.. I told you how I felt but really I don't know what exactly is going on in him... he do said that he is ready to meet up again and will make plans (ofcourse hiding from his wife).. he told me he was out of his mind when he took his marriage decision.. he loved me that time.. and at the same time that he don't have any regrets on his decision.. he is happy with his life.. but he misses me lots... I stopped him right there saying I don't want to get into those things again... and I found him somewhat distant after the meet.. may be he is also thinking the same that its not going to work or whatever..
I will try what you all are saying.. and keep you posted

Stringer's right.

Don't be scared of facing the fact that its done. Not really sure what you see in this guy. He left you for another. What you had is way over.

You are grieving enough by allowing this false hope to continue. When are you going to be done crying over him? And start living again. Learn your lesson on who to really care about. The ones that don't screw you over.

Talking to him was a big mistake. Right before your last post. Get it?

Im pullin' for you. Who's In?

"(ofcourse hiding from his wife)"

Need we say more?

I questioned him why hides me from his wife..

Why bother asking? You know why. He doesn't want you on her radar screen before he's done with you.

And you, for your part, are lusting after a married man. The feelings you described elsewhere are lust, not love and not "friendship."
You are kidding yourself.


and he doesn't want any kind of mess...

In fact, a mess is exactly what he wants. He'll use you to hurt his wife. And you are cooperating. Maybe you want to hurt her too? Revenge on her because he chose her?


and he sees me as a good friend of his and nothing more...
I seriously doubt that this is true.


to which he said take your time... he said he feels that I am still having feelings for him.. which he says is not good and I should come out of those feelings and if needed he will help me in this... now how can help me in this... when we were on NC... he tried almost everything to break that... and now when we are talking he is saying all this...

He shows no respect for your asking him to leave you alone. He has no respect for you or for his wife. He cannot "help" you with anything. He can only make you miserable.


Earlier he used to say in clear words that he wants me in his life as his girl along with his wife... but his words have been changed now...

Because those words didn't get him what he wanted. So now he's trying different words. He'll say whatever he needs to say to keep you close, so he can get you into bed, sooner or later.


he haven't said anything wrong till date...

EVERYTHING he says is wrong!


but I don't want to get trapped in anything... I am not experienced in the world of romance.. this guy was the first one in my life... and I am very bad in judging people too...

I think you know better than you let on what is happening. I think you are blinded by lust.

I am understanding what all you want to say... and as I said I will try to go on NC again... yes I do want to talk to him more.. want to see him again... but I had no idea that it will be callled as lust...

This is not lust, so much as its stuck on stupid!!

I am understanding what all you want to say...and as i said i will try to go on NC again... yes i do want to talk to him more..want to see him again...but i had no idea that it will be callled as lust...

Broken Heart,
This is lust speaking. It is time to be honest about what you are doing.


"and here i dont want to lie you all...when i met him for a minute i felt the same i used to feel before.. and i am actually feeling good...i couldnt sleep the entire night...that 5 minutes i spent with him was flashing in my eyes... earlier i was scared of him...but now i am not...i was happy to see him after a very long time...i know it can have very bad consequences...but i couldnt resist him... its all becoming complicated now...i am stuck between right and wrong..."

Yes I told you what exactly I felt... I felt the same again.. I was happy to see him like I used to before... I was smiling without any reason... I couldn't sleep because of those five minutes... I lived all my past life with him again... I was thinking about him the entire night... I was scared of him because of the intentions he disclosed earlier.. coz of his behaviour.. coz I didn't want to get hurt... but now I was not because I saw the difference in his behaviour... he maintained the required distance... his way with words have changed... yes I was happy... I know the bad consequences because I have suffered a lot in this relationship... I lost my job... I had to undergo medical treatment... everything I lost... and I was scared of this history... I don't want all this to happen with me again... I couldn't resist him because the time I was away to him... I was on NC... I remembered him all the time... I couldn't forget him ever... yes I do had controlled my heart... had stopped listening to my heart... convinced it that its over.. he is not mine... I am stuck between right and wrong... coz my mind says I should not talk to him because it will complicate my life and his life too... and my heart says there is nothing wrong in being only a friend to him... atleast I can talk to him...
And about honesty... I am not doing anything which can effect his life... or will hurt his wife... I am only and only talking to him as a friend... it is he who wants to hide this all... but yes it has already started effecting me lots... I am feeling the pain of losing him all again... honestly I do love this guy... its been years now we broke up.. still his memories are fresh in mind... I am still stuck in the relation we lived in past... and the fact is he has already moved.. and can never come back...

I tried to be on NC with him but couldn't.. I missed him... we met and spent few hours in each other arms... I was happy to be with him... I didn't feel anything wrong in being with him but you all say.. and everyone else says its wrong... my mind has stopped working in this matter...

In your heart you know that this is a disaster waiting to happen.

Brokenheart,

We can only give our opinions on how we would feel if in this type of situation or even from going through this ourselves. But at the end of the day the choice and the subsequences will be on you.

Just keep in mind that he has no intention of leaving his wife for you. You have been and continue to be low priority on his essential list. If you feel comfortable be the woman he cheats with then that is something that you have to live with, and you will answer for this choice at some point in your life.

I guess I just don't get it, WHY would someone give up a part of their moral character to be with a man that dumped them, and is married, but willing to JUST USE you for their gradification. Come on most of us on this site have been dumped, and yes even kept on the hook for awhile hoping that could get him back.

There comes a time and place were we as adults have to step up to the plate and say that doing something wrong just because 'IT FEELS GOOD" is just not RIGHT. To take a look around and realize that you feeling good is actually hurting other, maybe someone you don't have any connection with, but who gives a rat, your still hurting a family. Even if he still goes out and cheats with someone else, it should still give you enough pride to say I love him, but I love MYSELF more!!

His wife was his mistress. Now you're his.

Wake up.

vanheart - I didn't get what you said. How his wife can be his mistress?

I have realised my mistake.. we got intimate... that time I lost my senses... I had no idea what wrong I am doing... by getting involved with him... I am feeling really bad now... and have decided not to talk to him again... I am getting short of words today... wish I could undo what all we did... but unfortunately I cant... but still all is not lost... I need your support to move ahead... please help me... I don't want and I never wanted to be what I have become... please help me to come out of this shame...


I don't know what he must be thinking about me after all this... I spoiled alll.. I know now... he will never respect me...

Now that you know what mistakes you made in the past, forgive yourself, and do better. Then you can move forward and do good things for yourself.

Especially if you leave him alone and start making better choices, based on facts and not just feelings.

What I meant was that he betrayed you.

He married the girl that he was fooling around with, when you were his girlfriend. Then getting with you after...

Just leave this guy alone. Don't try & be his friend. Friends don't do that.

Just move on & accept things. NC all the way for now & forever.

That's the best for everyone.

The only reason you are miserable is because you won't really let it go.

I have ended all from my side... and conveyed it to him as well... but he is not convinced with my decision and wants me back... asking me why I have changed my mind... if it was OK with me before... then what is the problem now... he is making me confuse..

Remember that he has everything to gain if you remain available to him.

Just tell him flat out that all that may be true but it isn't anymore. You need to end this now and have no more contact... at all. (Period)

Im not sure what part of he's married that you don't understand.

You may have had something before, but that's long gone.

Let him be & have zero contact with him.

Once you do that, you will be able to move on.

Anything else will just cause problems for everyone. I wonder what his wife thinks about all of this.

Im not sure what part of he's married that you dont understand.

The same part that doesn't understand she's being used, manipulated and played big time.

When she gets sick of getting sloppy seconds she'll move on :mad:

You are so right. Kaka.

I guess if all you know is being used, then that's what you expect.

Low self worth.

Easy prey for users & cheaters like him.

Brokenhearted, I really hope you wake up.

What's stopping you?

Its done... I am happy that he too is convinced to not to meet again... he said he will go with my decision now... whatever I will say... thanks to you all:) it was the biggest problem and I hope it ended now...

He insisted on meeting me... I went to meet him... we were sitting together... we hadn't said anything to each other... then he kissed me and I let him... he said that he loves me... that's all about the meeting... few hours later he messaged me that he doesn't want to meet me again... but will be in touch...
Its all confusing... I do love him... and feel really weak in front of him... I felt hurt with his message... but I too agreed not to meet him...
Should I run away from this place?? I want an end to this pain.. I am feeling really helpless...

Your doing the same thing over and over and you expect a different outcome?

Either your living in a fantasy land, enjoy the drama or as Talaniman said:
"STUCK ON STUPID"

Seriously time to wake up to yourself...

Get away for a month or two, go overseas... GET A LIFE!!

Why are you letting him play with you like a dumb toy?? Why? Why?

You are doing this all to yourself.

No need to be confused.

I don't know what's wrong with me... I don't have any answers to why?

Sorry I haven't been around for a while,but really-stop doing this to yourself-it's no use playing the same broken record over and over again,so allow yourself a life my dear-don't keep falling for his b******t!!

Only YOU can stop this-please do!

Im not sure what's wrong with you either.

What I see is someone that is living some fantasy & not seeing things as they really are.

You never admitted to yourself, not only that's its been over, but more importantly what a liar, cheater & manipulator this guy is.

This says TONS about you.

If someone cheated on me, & got married to that person, they are officially gone. That's enough of a slap in the face.
Not to mention him wanting to get together to suck face. That's your fault.
Hes scum.

I would think about getting some pro help, therapy. Especially, if you can't see on your own what we are seeing.

Why you love being crapped on. Or at least from him.

I really don't know what happen to me when he is around... I realized and discussed the matter with him too.. and he was also convinced not to meet as you can read in previous post.. but again we met... got intimate... after all that happened... he messaged me the same I told him earlier... he said he is a married man.. I should not talk to him... its not right.. we should stop meeting...
I am feeling very very bad about all this... not because he said not to meet... but because the way he conveyed it to me... was he not married when he got intimate with me... we decided it earlier too that we will not meet but when we see each other.. we just coudnt ignore each other... our offices are adjacent... we see each other... cross each other on daily basis... earlier I thought we could be friends.. but I was wrong in thinking that.. we ended getting intimate.. what hasn't happened in the past... has happened now...
I am very much in stress because of all this... I am all confused... I can't express my feelings properly... but its all not good...

You need to love yourself a lot more and treat yourself better, and get a life that you enjoy without him.

What your doing with him is not love, more like a junkie/dope dealer relationship. He knows your hooked, and he keeps you hooked.

Maybe you are both junkies. That's bad.

Sometimes in life we have to draw a line and say enough is enough.

I wish you find the strength to do that very soon-you deserve so much better than this.

I am not sure if this has been mentioned before but I keep getting the feeling that you are needy hon. And with all that has been going on I believe that the suggestion that you seek some professional help is a good one. It does not mean that you are not a good person it simply means that you need a little help with all this, please go to seek some therapy. I sincerely wish you good health.

Stringer

I also feel that I need help.. things have changed a lot in past few days... its all bad... inspite of all your advices.. I failed to cut contact with him... not only this... I have become something for his fun... I have lost something in myself.. I do realise that my future is dark whatever is happening is all not good for me.. for his wife... but I am a part of it... I won't lie... the feelings like I am doing something bad has stopped coming to me.. may be getting lost in all this... we are physically involved now... whenever it feels convenient to him.. he arrange a meeting... spend some time and then leave... I m all corrupted now... I never feel bad about the time spent with him... its all wrong with me... I tried sometimes not talk... but at the end of the day... it all goes waste.. somewhere I want to end... and somewhere I don't... its alll bad... and me too...

Heart,it's been 15 months!

And you have allowed yourself to go down this spiral of destruction.

Your selfesteem is shot and you have become his puppy dog.

You really need to see a therapist-a s a p.

You need professional help.

Please get it.

You need the right help! GET IT, or keep drowning in your own SHAT!!

I really want to end it all but I have no strength to convey it to him.. I am scared now.. I don't know how to deal with it..

Pick up the phone, and make an appointment.

Pick up the phone, and make an appointment.

That's exactly what you should be doing.

Speak to his wife. Im sure she'll pass on the message.

But seriously aren't you sick of this drama? When you look back at this time in your life you are going to wonder what the hell were you thinking.

Of course, I am sick of all this.. I do want to end it all... once I tried to say it to him... but he behaved so badly... Tal.. Ami... appointkment? With whom?
Please guide me I want to end it... I can't undo the time which has already passed but I don't want to continue this... and at the same time I don't want any kind of scene to be created... I know the mistake I have done is not a small one.. but continuing with it is going to be more disastrous..
I'm not getting a way to come out of this...

You've already been given advice to help end this.

Your choice is to either tell him its over or too just stop all contact. Change phone numbers, emails etc etc.

If he doesn't respect your wishes and makes a scene go to the police. It all sounds like another reason to keep away from him, not an excuse for you to stay.

I would suggest going away and having time to yourself. If you aren't accepting his contact then he will stop.

If that's what you want then you will do it.

Thanks kaka.. I am really very much confused.. so much lost that its difficult for me to find solutions by myself. I will do the same. Its going to be difficult again. But its my mistake and I have to suffer all again. Thanks

Call him and tell him it's o v e r!!
Finito-forever.

Then stick to your decision-NO contact.

And taking time out and going away for a while is a good suggestion.

You need a new perspective on life.

A life that is about you and your future,without this moron in it.

Not sure what you are sacred of.

A life without this drama? Your never going to get back, steal him away, or fulfill what you thought was going to happen.
You shouldn't want that anyway. Hes not worth it. Can't you see?

You may like sleeping with him, but, c'mon. Really. Get your self-respect back.

We've given the same advice over & over here. And you aren't listening. You do the opposite.

Then complain.

You say you're sick of this. But it sounds like you're just sick. Get professional help.
Or go NC. Do both.

Finally, I have done it.. but it took me long time to end this.. lot have been lost because of my stupidity... I don't know what was it that had taken control over me... what should I say it... I don't know... love... lust... madness... or my stupidity... what is it... I can't give a name to it... I hope he will not come back again... I am really tired of all this...

You don't have to give it a name-just stay focused on not falling off the wagon.

Stick with your decision-you know you can do it.

Cyberhug.

Hang in there, and if you have to call it anything, call it your new found freedom.

Thanks.. I would haven't be able to do it without your help.. I have taken lot time.. can't face myself.. I should have not get involved with him again.. You were always right about everything.. but I listened more of my heart rather than you guys.. that's why I am hurt again..

Face yourself and work on rebuilding your selfesteem.

See this as a learning experience,and now you can move on to a new happy life.

Painful yes, suffering NO! Do what you have always wanted to do to make yourself happy! With him out of your life, you are free to pursue other options and opportunities, that are better than suffering through a bad situation. Its called good clean adult FUN!

First of all, congratulations. Whew!!

I agree w/Tal. And everyone.

Remember what its like (or discover again) to be happy.

Without this burden. One-sided. Not happy.
Hes someone you don't need, or even worry about anymore. Out completely.

Just you. Stick with it. Don't fall back on your bad habits. Ever.

I am not able to come out of the guilt of getting physically involved with him... whatever has happened between us was mutual... and was not feeling bad that time too... but now when it ended and I am thinking about all... I am feeling all used... I don't want to blame him alone.. because I am equally responsible for that or may be more than him... knowing the fact of his marital status... I gave into my feelings... I am going on with these hidden wounds... I keep on smiling for my friends and family but whenever I am alone... I couldn't stop... and burst into tears with this guilt...

I think you should find a good therapist to help you sort this out.

Sometimes we need the help of a professional to be able to understand why we do what we do.

Your feelings are normal,but it's time you got the right help to enable you to start rebuilding your selfesteem.

A good vent, rant, and a cry on the shoulder of a good friend will do you good. One that will listen, and hug you at the end. Maybe an angry letter, and then burn it is also an option, or all the above.

Today I received his text message in which he has written that he agreed to my decision because he himself was feeling guilty of what all we did and he doesn't want to spoil his marriage life... he didn't marry me and chose her wife.. because his heart says so... and the moments we spent together now will always be special to him and that he has a place for me in his heart... he wrote that... he asked me... that he would love to meet me... to talk to me but just like friends only and nothing more... no physical involvement... and that he doesn't want to lose me as his friend... I didn't reply to his message... because I am not in a state to say or decide anything... I don't trust myself and my decisions now...
So need your help again... what should I say to him.. if he ask me again... I can never understand this guy... I don't want to think anything... he changes so swiftly... every moment he says something new... and his own words make a cross on his earlier one's...

You d o NOT reply to any of his messages-e v e r again.

Delete without reading them,better still,change your phone number!!

Please tell me you're not about to start this all over again!!

I am not going to start anything ami... I just asked here for your response... as I said.. that now I will not make any decision related to him specially on my own... he hurted me a lot and I want to live peacefully now...

I agree with Amicon, this has to be getting exhausting. Simply do what your head is telling you.. you know that is the right way to handle this. Just stop... period.

Stringer

>cyber hug<, for thinking before acting. That's a positive step to take, and deleting his text without reading or replying is the next step.

A thought came in my mind, was thinking over it... and I thought whatever question I am having can have the best answer here only... once he said.. that he got best wife.. he loves her and happy with her... if that's the thing.. if a person really loves.. adores and respect his wife... if a person really feels his wife to be the best wife in the world.. will he go to some other woman and have relation... its not about him only... its about the feelings which a person feels... will he do this?

Please stop analyzing his behaviour and his possible thoughts.

You don't need to understand where he's coming from-all you need to do is to keep putting your life,without him in in,together again.

I am not analyzing his words ami, its just his words have really hurt me a lot.. if his wife is so perfect to him... what for and why he was doing with me... he said several times that he loves me... I hate him for all...

Strong feelings of animosity are understandable,but my question to you is-what are you doing in practical terms to get help rebuilding your selfesteem?

Ami, I am following the NC strictly... in a good job and getting married soon... with a guy of parents choice... I am happy without him... but still whenever I am alone... these thoughts start coming in my mind... I don't feel upset on what has happened because I know whatever has happened could be wrong but that was my love for him.. I truly loved him... and now when I am going to be someone else part of life... I will be fully committed to him... still something inside is empty... I have all good things around me... everybody loves me... my family... my friends.. and you guys who supported me in my toughest time are there for me... I have learnt to forgive myself... and to him as well... but still these questions come and go in my life... what to say... it was my life... but his words keeps popping up in my mind... sometimes I smile with no reason... and sometimes get lost into thoughts... he was not ready to leave me... I was just trying to understand why these things happen... I have lost something... the trust on love... I am ready to compromise with my life... have lost my smile in all this...

You made the choice to leave him,finally-the memories will fade,with time and you'll,hopefully,be able to be happy with your new life.
><

Sometimes the words we hear do not match the actions another takes. You have to take them both words, and actions in total to get a bigger picture than just the narrow view of what you want.

And when we are hurt by the way things work out we must rebuild ourselves with a proper healing, so we do not hurt when we are alone, and dwell on the hurt, and the people that hurt us. That takes time and a lot of work on your part.

So I hope you heal properly before you decide to marry, and gain true happiness with yourself again, or your hurt and pain will make you an unhappy lousy partner, and that's not fair to someone, anyone else.

Be good to yourself, and heal before you make big decisions. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Got few emails from him, which I should have not read, but I did..
He used abusive language for me... said I have no character because I got involve with him emotionally and physically knowing he is married... his wife is million times better than me... and he doesn't want me in his life... my absence doesn't efffect him... etc.. etc... a week later got another email.. in which he apologized for the previous email and said that he was drunk and had no idea what all he sent to me... he came to know only when he saw his email in sent email... said he respects me and loves me a lot and want me back again... and is very much feeling sorry for what he wrote in his email... though I didn't respond to any of his email... and it didn't left much effect on me too... I know my mistakes and may be he is right in saying what he said... but again his changed words leave me in some thoughts... thoughts about what exactly this man thinks and want from me... if he hates me so much why he is coming back and if he loves me why he is saying such things... I am getting no answers to this... need help in getting clarity about his intentions...

Sex... something on the side. To me this man has no character, pride or integrity. Please give yourself a break and realize that this is all he wants... actions speak much louder that words.

Continue to ignore him and give yourself a chance at a happy life.

Proud of you that you have gotten this far but you need to have NO CONTACT at all... delete emails without reading them. Why even open them?

Stringer

Hes just trying to hurt you more.

Some people are twisted that way. Putting the blame elsewhere so they don't have to feel anything.
Especially drunk ones.

If you really go NC, you won't have to ever deal with that again.

But, you are the one that accepted the emails & read them.

Who's to blame now? You, for not blocking him for good...

Disappear from him. Act like he doesn't exist.

"his wife is million times better than me...and he doesnt want me in his life...my absence doesnt efffect him"

Ok, well, later then, you knew that already, right? No more reason to chat.

Block his email and keep moving on with your own life-it
Doesn't matter what he thinks,feels or does.

He's history.

He is history.. dont think so... every time I try to go away from him... life throws me in front of him... I left my job because my office was near to his workplace and in that situation it was difficult to avoid him... we came very close.. got intimate.. to the extent we never came in so many years... and when I think of the time I spent with him... I don't feel guilty... although its against our society.. our culture... but still I love the time I spent with him... I went for an interview yesterday... and he was in front of me.. he was there with some work... he ignored me... and passed by me... then outside the office... I said hello to him... he said he is guilty of the time he spent with me... and doesn't want those things to happen again... I know whatever he said was right... but when I heard it from him... I didn't feel good about it... hours later I called him... don't know why... I had nothing to talk about... but I wanted to hear him... he didn't answer the call... I waited... then sent him a text... he didn't reply to that too... as the time was passing... something was going in me... lot of thought were running in my mind... at one time I said fine he did it for good... and I should have not called him... and on second moment I again picked the phone and called him... the more he was ignoring my calls and texts.. the more I was calling him... but he kept quite... like I did to him... at last at the end of the day... I received a text from him... in which he told me not to call him because he is busy and at home... I know its my mistake... to say hello to him... but I want to confess something here... I went on NC.. tried everything to keep myself busy... but I never forgot him... 20 hours a day.. he is in my thoughts... in nights I couldn't sleep... shared my problem with a close friend... she also tried to help... I tried to be attentive to the guy I was engaged... but I was not there with him... my mind was always there to him... its over now... he cheated me.. and then cheated his wife... but still my heart wants him... I am sick... I know you all will scold me after reading all this... and truly I was afraid of saying that I broke the NC again...

No scolding, forgive yourself, and do better.

I love him Tal... and I want to spend my entire life with him... I feel scary when I think of getting married to some other man... he can never be mine in this life... I know... and I can't do anything... I have lost him already... but this pain never ends...

It will if you follow a few suggestions and not act on your own hurt feelings. Look, we all here have been dumped, and had our hearts broken, and it hurts, but we deal with the pain and act in our own behalf to thrive and survive so we can move on and do better for ourselves.

Every time you go back to the misery and pain, you get more misery and pain. As you now know. Remember that when you ever see him again, or have that urge to call or text him. Just don't repeat the action you know for a fact, are BIG mistakes.

Which part of you want to stay stuck in the misery of the past?

Why won't you allow yourself to move on?

That's what you need to look at.

Don't make this obsession, because that's what it is, a life style.

I agree. Your obsessed. Hes not the only guy in this world.

The sooner you put him out of your head, the better you will be.

Until then, you will be holding yourself back.

How much longer to you want to be unhappy?

You are doing all of this to yourself. C'mon now.

I am trying... and he is also no more interested in me... that's what I felt... whatever we lived is nothing for him...

All the more reason to let it go.

Hey guys.. thanks to all of you from bottom of my heart... finally I feel out of all this... thanks for all the support and good advice...

Hey,great!!

Take good care of you!

I love it when posters get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.