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View Full Version : My boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me


josephine138
Dec 12, 2009, 12:06 PM
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs,and we have definitely had ups and downs. Lately he has had a big project at work that has taken up all of his time.So much time that we have stopped going out on the weekends completely and I only get to see him when I come over to cook or bring food. He calls me everyday and he is on AIM so that we can talk whenever we are apart. Well he is finally done with his project and since there is only a week left of school he has to catch up on homework and online tests so we still aren't going to hang out until next weekend. I know that he is busy and have tried not to whine about not seeing him but it is starting to get to me. I went out a few weekends ago w/my sister and some old friends, got drunk and lost my phone in the car,well of course he started to blow it up because I wasn't responding to him at 1am. I got home at about 2am, he called again and I said I was drunk and wanted to sleep. He wasn't mean about it but made it apparent that he was unhappy that I went out w/out him and hung out w/people he didn't know. So I have been staying at home (my home) and not going out. Last night (friday night) he was working on school work at home and I was at my house,he was on aim but didn't say anything to me all night. It makes me mad that he doesn't want me to go out but I can't come hang w/him and he didn't speak to me all night. I know he is busy and I have tried to respect his efforts to make his future better but I don't feel like I'm getting any attention. I pretty much feel like I am single :( I want to be with him but I don't know if this is how the relationship is going to be from now on. Maybe something else will come up after his school work is done. He just seems uninterested in hanging out w/me or anyone. What should I do, just wait it out?

redhed35
Dec 12, 2009, 12:27 PM
Have you told him how you feel?

Sounds like your not really talking to each other.

Relationships take work.

Surely he has some time to spend with you at theweekend,even a few hours?

josephine138
Dec 12, 2009, 12:58 PM
Yes, we have talked about it and he just asks me to be patient. He says it makes him feel bad when I b*tch about not getting to see him as much.
I just feel like I am alone a lot and I hate being alone, I want to be with my man

talaniman
Dec 12, 2009, 01:18 PM
Two things, First, busy or not, he has to make some efforts in the relationship.

Second, you sound very needy of his attention, and you should have your own life that you enjoy, when he is really busy.

You need a lot more than getting drunk with friends, and being with him, to look forward to.

Have you no hobbies, friends, or activities to fill your time? School, a job even. Those are the things you plan for when he is busy.

josephine138
Dec 12, 2009, 02:47 PM
I go to school and work full time thank you very much, I feel like if I have a boyfriend then we should spend time together. I have stopped hanging out w/my friends a lot because all they do is party and drink. I am trying to get out of that way of life but it is really hard to find hobbies and stuff to do when you make just enough money to feed yourself. I also volunteer at an spay/neuter clinic so I do have things to do but what is so wrong with wanting to spend time with him as well?

sully123
Dec 12, 2009, 03:42 PM
Josephine I wouldn't stop my life for this man, and wait around for when he is ready to see you. Work, there just excuses, he is giving you. He seems self centered and is looking out for himself.I would lay the cards on the table. WhenI guy loves a girl they make the time, they don't push you to the side, and expect for you to just wait and hang around. You have a life too, and you need to build one without this man. He isn't giving you the quality time you deserve. So show him you aren't so available anymore.

talaniman
Dec 12, 2009, 04:02 PM
You both sound busy, but I agree with Sully, if you can make time for him, then he does have to make time for you, so you aren't feeling like he takes you for granted. If he can't then maybe you have the wrong guy.

Devorameira
Dec 13, 2009, 01:02 PM
Have you discussed this with him before now? If not, do so; and if you have, and he's ignored your concerns, I would have at least one eye on the door because in that case it's not a matter of his being ignorant as to your feelings, it's a matter of his being indifferent to them.

I'm sorry to say it doesn't look well that he doesn't feel a natural compulsion to spend time with you; enjoying being with somebody really is the primary reason for being involved with anyone in the first place. He doesn't seem to feel that, and I am sure you know this, and I'm sure it's hurting you and making you feel low in yourself too; it'd have to.

Anyway, talk to him, and if you get no sense out of him I'd advise you to leave. Life's too short to spend with somebody who makes you feel bad about yourself.