So, let's say you're not in a relationship anymore. Before that, you had sex with all sorts of people, but now you feel like it's not worth the risk to have sex with someone you aren't willing to get pregnant with plus, you don't want to hurt anyone.

It's been a while for me at this point, the longest I've gone in about 8 years. I can't cave in and sleep with someone just for the sake of sex and I haven't met anyone I'm really all that interested in dating.

I'm not obsessed or anything, but I really do miss it. I've heard from friends that are married that tell me they have actually gone longer than me without. I know sex isn't the point of marriage, but can a sexless marriage survive? Am I just an addict? My ex thought my libido was pretty overwhelming. I don't spend all day thinking about it or anything, but I really do miss it.

What do I do? What do you do?

Hmmm...

Take care of yourself??

Look, people do all sorts of things - they satisfy themselves, they work long hours, play sport, they eat, they drink, they go out to places where they might meet people they like.

Some people care less that others about sex- and for some people a sexless marriage can survive - although judging from the posts on this forum there aren't many!

Of course you miss sex, it's not just about the sensation it's also about the closeness and the connection between 2 people. Sure, you can get off on your own, but for many people this isn't sustainable on a long term basis.

Perhaps it's time to put yourself back on the dating market again, you never know who you might meet.

I´m on the same boat as you are... and all I can do is "do it myself". Actually it's a lot better than doing it with somebody you will later regret... IMHO.

The fact that maybe my ex is having crazy sex right now with her new boyfriend while I´m here reading a forum doesn´t help... but... patience... somebody will come :D

Yeah, self gratification is fine, but hardly the same thing. Chet, your post made me laugh (with you). It just sucks.

I think that you just need to get back on the dating scene. Maybe you will meet someone you really like. But if you don't put yourself out there, you'll have to do the waiting game.

Finding someone to share your time and feelings with can really fill in some of the holes of a sexless life.

Take control and get out there!

I hear you man, I got nuts when I'm in a drought. I was doing okay for the past couple months but it looks like the dry season has returned quicker than I expected.

The definition of an addict is when he does something he knows is wrong so often that it affects nearly everything in his life, wants to stop, but just can't. If this is you, then you have a problem, otherwise, it's just you being a man.

There will be another one, there always is.

Oh yeah, "the dating scene". Are you kidding? I'm not going to go to bars and clubs or other "single" hangouts. I'm living my life the way I am. I'll meet someone compatible doing it this way. It just takes a while and it's driving me a little crazy.

There will be another one, there always is.

Exactly. Sooner vs later would be nice, that's all. In college, no problem. When I was living downtown, no problem. Late twenties, in the suburbs... a little harder.

At least you are smart enough not to just go out and with random people to satisfy your needs. I give you credit for that.

Get out there and start dating. Of course you might not find a good girl wanting to have sex really soon after meeting you. You will just have to be patient.

Marriage without sex is possible I guess. But the closeness and the love that's shared during is nothing less than amazing. Relax you are not going to live the rest of your life without sex. =D

Oh yeah, "the dating scene". Are you kidding? I'm not going to go to bars and clubs or other "single" hangouts. I'm living my life the way I am. I'll meet someone compatible doing it this way. It just takes a while and it's driving me a little crazy.

You don't have to go to those places to be in the dating scene. Let some friends possibly some girlfriends know that you are available and looking for Mrs. Right. Couldn't hurt for your friends to help you out, a couple blind dates may be awkward, but if you was to find the one you will fall in love with, it's worth a shot.

At least you are smart enough not to just go out and with random people to satisfy your needs. I give you credit for that.

Get out there and start dating. Of course you might not find a good girl wanting to have sex really soon after meeting you. You will just have to be patient.

Marriage without sex is possible I guess. But the closeness and the love that's shared during is nothing less than amazing. Relax you are not going to live the rest of your life without sex. =D

Haha, I hope not. No, I wouldn't expect a quality girl to sleep with me asap. I'm smart now. I didn't used to be. That's the crux of my situation. I know I can "do that", but I've outgrown it. So here I am, dry as a bone and feeling frustrated.

You don't have to go to those places to be in the dating scene. Let some friends possibly some girlfriends know that you are available and looking for Mrs. Right. Couldn't hurt for your friends to help you out, a couple blind dates may be awkward, but if you was to find the one you will fall in love with, it's worth a shot.

Oh, my friends and their SOs are hard at work on the case. I've gone on a few blind dates, but no real chemistry. There was one girl, but a the time, she had heard I was badly burned by my ex and she thought I needed more time. She has since found another boyfriend.

You do not sound like an addict at all. Just someone who has a healthy appetite for sex. It is not unusual to crave sex and companionship when you are single. And your decision to avoid one night stands is a mature attitude.

There are lots of places other than bars to meet people. Maybe think about joining a new group - like a bowling team, book club, volunteer organization, church, etc. - as a venue to meet new people with similar interests.

Other than that, just keep being yourself. Someone will come along.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You are mature. Just because you miss sex and want sex, you are not out there having fun with any girl up to it. I don't see why it would be hard for you to get a girlfriend.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You are mature. Just because you miss sex and want sex, you are not out there having fun with any girl up to it. I don't see why it would be hard for you to get a girlfriend.

It's not. It's hard for me to find someone I like (someone I wouldn't want to change). Sounds terribly arrogant, but a cute girl with a brain in her head that doesn't have a following of "male friends". That's it. Can't seem to find the combo.

I know smart and pretty girls are in demand at the moment, but I don't have the patience for a girl that leads on a bunch of guys to feel good about herself. Real "guy friends" are fine. Not the ones that want sleep with her given the chance. I don't understand people who need all of those admirers. I find it draining to be around someone that likes me when I'm not interested.

Yes that is true. Rarely find a cute girl who has a brain and personality too. Well I guess the only thing I can say now is to try to be a little bit more open minded to different types of girls. Opposites attract keep in mind. =D

Yes that is true. Rarely find a cute girl who has a brain and personality too. Well I guess the only thing I can say now is to try to be a little bit more open minded to different types of girls. Opposites attract keep in mind. =D

Ummm, what? Be open to ugly or stupid girls? That's not in the cards. When I say cute, I don't mean magazine cover. I mean cute. When I smart, I don't mean Harvard grad. I mean concern for a world outside their own little drama filled clubbing life.

Ummm, what? Be open to ugly or stupid girls? That's not in the cards. When I say cute, I don't mean magazine cover. I mean cute. When I smart, I don't mean Harvard grad. I mean concern for a world outside their own little drama filled clubbing life.


Nooo, just have a good time when you go out on a blind date. Don't be processing everything in your head that she says and then when she says one wrong things, you are thinking no way you are not for me. If you can have fun with her, try a second date get to know her a little better. You don't have to be with a ugly girl or a stupid girl, but who knows some girl who is a little below your standards of "cute" may have all the other qualities you are looking for. Stupid girls, well that just explains itself haha.

Below my standards wouldn't work, now would it? Cute simply means "I'm attracted to her" and trust me, personality influences how "cute" they are. Everyone thought my GF in college was ugly, but I thought she was pretty hot. After they got to know her, they thought she was hot too. C'mon. All I'm saying is, I've hit a dry spell and it's frustrating, not that I can't get a date. You are right about me processing everything they say, but that's me, always has been. If they have gone almost 30 years saying exspecially, ain't or regardless, it won't work (ha, even spell check didn't catch irregardless). If celeb tabloid news is considered news at all, I've lost interest.

No girl in the world is perfect. A good personality will take you far pretty or not pretty. So you are saying that if they say certain words, you "ain't" going for them? That's pretty ridiculous, I'll let somebody else help you out I've done said all I can say. If no one else can help you out, they have toys for men too.

Hey inertia,longest I went without sex when I was married was 18 months,ex husbands idea not mine..
And 4 years in my thirties,I suppose that was through choice though... 37 now and in a relationship,so far so good,he was worth the wait!

Like you I was fed up of the dating/club stuff, and moved to a quite area,I was not even looking for someone,he just happened to be my neighbor!

My point is,the drought will end,hopefully before 4 years! But it will end,have a look around you,is there a woman that you not even considered?
Someone right under your nose.

I'm right there with you buddy. Going on a few months now with out any sort of connection (physically and mentally). I think I miss the mental aspect of sex with a person I love a little more than the physical aspect of the act itself.

A drought is a drought no matter what the circumstances. Good luck. I hope the drought ends for both of us sooner than later.

Hang in there!

No girl in the world is perfect. A good personality will take you far pretty or not pretty. So you are saying that if they say certain words, you "ain't" going for them? That's pretty rediculous, I'll let somebody else help you out I've done said all I can say. If no one else can help you out, they have toys for men too.


Woah!! Did I strike a nerve or something? Ridiculous in your eyes, maybe. How we speak says more about us as individuals than what we wear, what we do or what kind of music we listen to. My English is far from perfect and my vocabulary could always most certainly grow, but in order for me to respect the person I'm dating, we have to be in the same ball park. I'm certain someone with a PhD in literature would find my speech atrocious. Everyone talks about respect on this board and while I think it's important to always be respectful to other human beings; true mutual respect is necessary in romantic relationships. I also work out. Again, I'm not looking for a swimsuit model, but in order for us to be compatible, we have to place importance on similar things.

I never said other people's standards were ridiculous. If girls like guys with long hair, I'm certainly not their type. I don't yell at them for being closed minded.

No girl in the world is perfect. A good personality will take you far pretty or not pretty. So you are saying that if they say certain words, you "ain't" going for them? That's pretty ridiculous, I'll let somebody else help you out I've done said all I can say. If no one else can help you out, they have toys for men too.

She's just mad that she can't have you that's all.. LOL!

hey inertia,longest i went without sex when i was married was 18 months,ex husbands idea not mine..
and 4 years in my thirties,i suppose that was through choice though...37 now and in a relationship,so far so good,he was worth the wait!

like you i was fed up of the dating/club stuff, and moved to a quite area,i was not even looking for someone,he just happened to be my neighbor!

my point is,the drought will end,hopefully before 4 years!! but it will end,have a look around you,is there a woman that you not even considered?
someone right under your nose.

Well my ex lives less than a mile away (just kidding). No one under my nose I'm afraid. This is a true dry spell. It's a little scary. I'm just at the age where all of my old friends and female contacts are married with kids or about to be. The good news is, I've decided to back to grad school, so I suppose there is a chance I may meet someone there.

Grad school is a great place to meet people. And the people you meet will have the same education level as you and likely have similar interests.

As for the grammar/vocabulary debate... I understand completely. That is a pet peeve of mine, also.

Now I remember, you're the one who started a thread where you wrote that all of your friends are married, and their suggestion to explain why you aren't is that your standards are too high. From the demeanor of your post, particularly this quote:


Woah!!! Did I strike a nerve or something?

(re-read your reaction, you're defensive, she struck a nerve with you) I can see what they mean. I don't think sweet1028 was wrong at all in what she said.

You can't expect to have much luck in the sack if you scrutinize everyone you come across. This isn't a bad thing, but if something's not working, it's probably time for a change. And if you refuse to put yourself out there and go to bars and singles gatherings I don't know what else to tell you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Best of luck.

Oh slapshot, you got me. What can I say? The "your being defensive" accusation is pretty weak, don't you think? I realize I'm somewhat antagonistic, but I don't name call. This (AMHP) is my private little interactive journal. Trust me, I argue with myself more than I argue with all of you. It's how I reason. That will never change because it works. I'm not sorry to say that I'm a catch. I'm looking for another catch. A dry spell and "something's isn't working" are completely different. I have been pretty successful thus far. My love life can't always be satisfying. I'm going through a somewhat lonely period. Sure, I could "lower" my standards and snag someone up today, but in the end, I'll hurt them and I know it. "Lower your standards" is horrible advice to anyone. It isn't as if I'll only date movie stars or something. I am going on dates and I certainly give everyone the opportunity. I'm not naïve enough to assume I can determine compatibility in minutes. I get rejected too. It's what being single is about.

Everyone is so quick to dispense advice on how someone should change here. Sometimes things just suck. You ride it out. My God, I think someone could seriously develop personality disorders if they spent too much time on this site. As a matter of fact, I think I'm done here. I'm eternally grateful to the folks that saw me through my recent break up. This site does offer plenty of wonderful tools to use in getting over a bad break up, however I should move on if I'm just looking to complain a little with other folks that are probably in the same boat as me.

I'm not leaving on a bad note, I just realize that I have somewhat outgrown the use of this site as a sounding board. I'd like to point out KCTiger, Romefalls and Talaniman are pretty much right on in everything they say. Although, I do like to argue with KCTiger because he does too.

I'm not leaving on a bad note, I just realize that I have somewhat outgrown the use of this site as a sounding board. I'd like to point out KCTiger, Romefalls and Talaniman are pretty much right on in everything they say. Although, I do like to argue with KCTiger because he does too.

Right back at you buddy! You'll get out of this soon... lowering your standards would compromise yourself as a person and that clearly isn't the answer... never is. Stay the course and eventually you will get there. (Best advice I could do right now, I know it ain't much)... :cool:

Nice rant/vent, tame by my standards, but okay in of itself.

Nice rant/vent, tame by my standards, but okay in of itself.


Well, I'm sure I'll develop into the uncompromising old badger you are some day. You remind me of my dad. I'm still young enough for a bleeding heart.

I realize I'm somewhat antagonistic, but I don't name call. This (AMHP) is my private little interactive journal. Trust me, I argue with myself more than I argue with all of you.
I believe you, people who strive for perfection are always hard on themselves and then hold others to the same standards.

Hope it all works out for you!