Please, please please, take the time to read the whole thing.. I'd really appreciate well thought out advice. Thanks and looking forward to hearing from all of you.

Ok, so I've been in a relationship with this really great guy for about 11 months now. About a year we go, we were introduced by a common friend and started going out. It may sound a bit slutty, but I'll say it on here anyway since it might help you guys give me the advice I need; We did it (had sex) on our first date. After that, we started seeing more of each other, then a month later decided to get into a real (serious) relationship with each other. So in short, we dated for a month, and then made our relationship officially exclusive a month later.

So time went by, and here we are 11 months later into a pretty good relationship. Sure, we've had some occasional fights, but I'd say that all in all we're doing great together. Just tonight I found out (from him) that he had actually slept with another girl while we were dating – take note JUST DATING not in a steady relationship yet. I felt horrible since I have never slept with another guy SINCE THAT FIRST DAY we met. If you guys want to know how I got it out of him, I just started fishing (even when I know I shouldn't). I asked him: “Have you ever cheated on me?" And he said "No." I said: "So you've never slept with anyone SINCE YOU MET ME and even if we weren't officially a couple yet?" And he answered "I can't remember that was a long time ago"... So from there I knew that he had something to hide.. I'm not all that stupid to accept that he can't remember something like that. So I kept asking until he confessed that he did sleep with some other girl while we were dating, he said that he didn't know that things were going to get serious with us which is why he went ahead and did it. After hearing this I started crying and told him that I wanted to break up with him and that I couldn't stand to look at him knowing that he was with another girl, etc. When he heard this, he changed his story and said; "Come to think of it, I didn't know you yet when I slept with that other girl, so we weren't dating yet at that time OK.".."I only said that so that you would stop asking me". I refused to believe him because why on earth would someone say something that would put him in even more hot water just to shut up his girlfriend?. Anyway, after about an hour of fighting.. He finally did confess. So yes, it turns out that he really did sleep with someone while we were just dating. He claims that he didn’t cheat on me. (Well literally speaking that IS true). After that I felt even worse than when he told me because he looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me about what really happened. The whole time we were fighting he just kept lying to me and telling me that he really didn't sleep with anyone after he met me.

Please help. I do not know what to do. I really love the guy. I have to give him credit for coming clean, and I’m sure he didn’t cheat on me starting the day we decided to go steady and exclusive. But the thing is, I don't know if I can still be with someone who could lie to my face. Even if I do get over the fact that he lied, I can’t stand the thought that he had sex with another girl. I just can't believe he could have sex with me, and then have sex with someone else. He keeps begging me to forgive him, but my mind is all over the place right now. What should I do?

I'm siding with the guy here, you never decided on boundaries, which made it so you two were just dating, not a couple. If you consider that cheating, then I have cheated plenty of times because when I was just "dating" someone, I never considered myself off the market. Terms weren't defined, he was free to do what he wanted, just as you were. Personally, the past is the past. Sure he lied, but in my opinion, you didn't have a right to know that.

Thanks.. Straight to the point - even if it was a little harsh for me to hear.

I'm siding with your BF as well.

For a start you badgered and bullied him into admitting something that he knew you were going to get hysterical about. OK he lied, but it's like asking a guy -' does my butt look big in this dress?' - he's damned if he does say something and he's damned if he don't.

Why are you worried about something that happened when you'd just met? By your own admission, you'd not made it official yet. Sure you didn't sleep with anyone, but they weren't the rules at that time. He had sex with another girl, but that was 11 months ago!

To be perfectly honest - I''m worried about why you would make such a huge deal about this. You've now been together for nearly a year and supposedly things are good. If they are, why are you asking him these questions about cheating?

- Why do you WANT to create issues?

I'm siding with your BF as well.

For a start you badgered and bullied him into admitting something that he knew you were going to get hysterical about. OK he lied, but it's like asking a guy -' does my butt look big in this dress?' - he's damned if he does say something and he's damned if he don't.

Why are you worried about something that happened when you'd just met?? By your own admission, you'd not made it official yet. Sure you didn't sleep with anyone, but they weren't the rules at that time. He had sex with another girl, but that was 11 months ago!

To be perfectly honest - I''m worried about why you would make such a huge deal about this. You've now been together for nearly a year and supposedly things are good. If they are, why are you asking him these questions about cheating?

- Why do you WANT to create issues??


Believe me I get your point. And no, I do not want to create issues. It's just that these things are a BIG DEAL for me. He would always tell me that the day we met he never had eyes for anyone but me, etc etc. Argh.. I know I deserve a smack in the head for what happened here but I feel like I was duped into this relationship. It's like this: How do I know this isn't the only thing he chose to keep secret after all this time? I think I at least deserved to know this stuff before we got serious. At least it would have been out of the way a long time ago. And if I had found out BEFORE we got serious, maybe I wouldn't have continued dating the guy. Get my point?. :(

It was down right UNFAIR. :(

I'm on the bf's side. First you said this:
I really love the guy and then you turned right around and said this:
I don't know if I can still be with someone who could lie to my face. Even if I do get over the fact that he lied, I can’t stand the thought that he had sex with another girl. I just can't believe he could have sex with me, and then have sex with someone else.

If I were your boyfriend, I'd wonder when you will start checking my cell phone messages and opening my mail and quizzing my friends.

Trust

That's what you have to do. After he made a commitment to you, has he given you a reason not to trust him?

I think I atleast deserved to know this stuff before we got serious.
No. Whom he dated, whom he kissed, whom he went to the library with, whom he shared an ice cream cone with, and even whom he slept with before you two were exclusive is none of your business.

Trust

That's what you have to do. After he made a commitment to you, has he given you a reason not to trust him?

That is the bottom line,is it not?

Trust

That's what you have to do. After he made a commitment to you, has he given you a reason not to trust him?


Siiigh... Well no, we've had our petty fights and arguments, but I've never caught him actually cheating. And up until today, I never had any doubts. I DO NOT check his celphone every minute of the day. I actually surprised myself with this one. I trusted him, A lot A lot.. and now this.

Siiigh.... Well no, we've had our petty fights and arguments, but I've never caught him actually cheating. And up until today, I never had any doubts. I DO NOT check his celphone every minute of the day. I actually surprised myself with this one. I trusted him, ALOT ALOT.. and now this.
"caught him actually cheating"? Are you watching for it to happen?

Do you check his cell at all?

"caught him actually cheating"?? Are you watching for it to happen?

Do you check his cell at all?

Like I said dear, I do not check his phone. Please do not get this wrong, I don't just sit around all day trying to think of ways to fight with him or catch him cheating -- or what not.

Like I said dear, I do not check his phone. Please do not get this wrong, I don't just sit around all day trying to think of ways to fight with him or catch him cheating -- or what not.
You had said:
I DO NOT check his celphone every minute of the day which made me think you DO check it sometimes, thus my question.

What do you fight about? Who usually starts a fight?

Please, please please, take the time to read the whole thing.. I'd really appreciate well thought out advice. Thanks and looking forward to hearing from all of you.

Ok, so I've been in a relationship with this really great guy for about 11 months now. About a year we go, we were introduced by a common friend and started going out. It may sound a bit slutty, but I'll say it on here anyways since it might help you guys give me the advice I need; We did it (had sex) on our first date. After that, we started seeing more of each other, then a month later decided to get into a real (serious) relationship with each other. So in short, we dated for a month, and then made our relationship officially exclusive a month later.

So time went by, and here we are 11 months later into a pretty good relationship. Sure, we've had some occasional fights, but I'd say that all in all we're doing great together. Just tonight I found out (from him) that he had actually slept with another girl while we were dating – take note JUST DATING not in a steady relationship yet. I felt horrible since I have never slept with another guy SINCE THAT FIRST DAY we met. If you guys want to know how I got it out of him, I just started fishing (even when I know I shouldn't). I asked him: “Have you ever cheated on me?" And he said "No." I said: "So you've never slept with anyone SINCE YOU MET ME and even if we weren't officially a couple yet?" And he answered "I can't remember that was a long time ago"... So from there I knew that he had something to hide.. I'm not all that stupid to accept that he can't remember something like that. So I kept asking until he confessed that he did sleep with some other girl while we were dating, he said that he didn't know that things were going to get serious with us which is why he went ahead and did it. After hearing this I started crying and told him that I wanted to break up with him and that I couldn't stand to look at him knowing that he was with another girl, etc. When he heard this, he changed his story and said; "Come to think of it, I didn't know you yet when I slept with that other girl, so we weren't dating yet at that time ok.".."I only said that so that you would stop asking me". I refused to believe him because why on earth would someone say something that would put him in even more hot water just to shut up his girlfriend?.. Anyways, after about an hour of fighting.. He finally did confess. So yes, it turns out that he really did sleep with someone while we were just dating. He claims that he didn’t cheat on me. (Well literally speaking that IS true). After that I felt even worse than when he told me because he looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me about what really happened. The whole time we were fighting he just kept lying to me and telling me that he really didn't sleep with anyone after he met me.

Please help. I do not know what to do. I really love the guy. I have to give him credit for coming clean, and I’m sure he didn’t cheat on me starting the day we decided to go steady and exclusive. But the thing is, I don't know if I can still be with someone who could lie to my face. Even if I do get over the fact that he lied, I can’t stand the thought that he had sex with another girl. I just can't believe he could have sex with me, and then have sex with someone else. He keeps begging me to forgive him, but my mind is all over the place right now. What should I do?

You should consider yourself lucky that he didn't dump you on the spot. You "just started fishing?" You have this great relationship with a "really great guy," and you start digging into him for... what? Were you bored? Needing to fight? Or were you just messing with him? What could you possibly get from this questioning?

The fact that you expect him to stop having sex once he slept with you says that either you are the best lover on earth, a veritable goddess, or you have some delusions about yourself, people in general, and what makes a healthy relationship. If you are 15, this might be understandable, but if you are an adult, it's time to learn about being a wholesome girlfriend, and not someone who "just can't believe he could have sex with me, and then have sex with someone else."

No, it's not wholesome, friendly, smart, considerate, or loving to put him in the position your probing created. Given everything you wrote, many guys would tell the same lie, hoping that was the end of it. No, lying isn't right, but from the way you tell it, a person can understand this one.

Now, you have created a dilemma for yourself and for him. You're turning yourself inside out over nothing—there has been no betrayal—and he's probably walking on egg shells, wondering what bomb you are going to place in his lap next. Let it all go.

If you think about it, you might consider your interruption of the harmony that existed in your relationship to be at least as bad as his lie. In lying, he had a weak moment, and surely suffers because of it. Stop molesting his mind. Just love him and be a good friend. Don't make problems by giving meaning to meaningless things.

Tao

Sorry, but I actually think that this is about you still. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

How do you know that he DIDN'T have eyes just for you? So he shagged another girl... that doesn't mean that he didn't think that you were the ant's pant, bees knees whatever.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, be a big girl and get over it..

This is what relationships are all about - taking it on the jaw, putting it in the past and getting on with the present and the future.

The more you pick at this sore the bigger it will get. Leave it where it belongs - in the past.

If you can't, then it's to do with you and your issues not him and what he's done.

Let me ask you a question?

Have you slept with anyone else in your past? Since you met him, have you looked at another guy and thought he was cute? He may be thinking that you gave it up on the first night to more than just him. But he chooses to leave the past where it belongs.

You can try to raise a ship from the depths but all you're going to do is damage it more.

Thanks for kicking some sense into me. I love how you put it.

Thanks to all of you for your great answers. I really appreciate that all of you took the time to read and answer my question/s. :)

I guess I understand now.

This was in the past.

I should not have dug it up in the first place.

I should have handled it differently.

What he did while we were "dating" holds absolutley no bearing to how he is with me NOW and how loyal/faithful he has been since the day we decided to be in an exclusive and serious relationship.

I'm still hurting though, and still feel a bit betrayed. I guess that's what I get for putting my nose where it doesn't belong.

I've been burnt many times in the past, and I guess this was just an overreaction.

I might even be ruining a perfectly good relationship because of my paranoia and lack of trust, huh?

How do you know that he DIDN'T have eyes just for you? So he shagged another girl ... that doesn't mean that he didn't think that you were the ant's pant, bees knees whatever.


Thanks for this. I really needed this sort of "boost"...

You really love him so drop it and accept things where they are. As long as he is not cheating on you now his decision must be FOR you so why wreck a good relationship.
He most likely was afraid to admit it because he was afraid he would lose you.

Have a talk with him and tell him you understand that he did what he did and you realize you can't go back in time and change it so you are willing to let bygones be bygones and cherish the love you now have.

If he cheats again then I wouldn't be so understanding.

If it bothers you this much, know that you won't soon forget it. You need to deal with this emotion however you feel that you should. Communication is key here.

What's considered cheating and what's not doesn't mean jack, it's still going to hurt you to hear it regardless. In Office Space, when Peter thought the waitress (Jennifer Aniston) slept with Lumberg, although they didn't even know each other then, to him, it was still cheating. Things would've been okay had he never asked.

You can't forget that you did fight tooth-and-nail to get your boyfriend to admit this, this is also something to think about.

If it bothers you this much, know that you won't soon forget it. You need to deal with this emotion however you feel that you should. Communication is key here.

What's considered cheating and what's not doesn't mean jack, it's still going to hurt you to hear it regardless. In Office Space, when Peter thought the waitress (Jennifer Aniston) slept with Lumberg, although they didn't even know each other then, to him, it was still cheating. Things would've been okay had he never asked.

You can't forget that you did fight tooth-and-nail to get your boyfriend to admit this, this is also something to think about.

Thanks.. I;m glad someone finally acknowledged that regardless of whetheror not it WAS cheating, that YES, it still does hurt to hear it (in my case, it hurts alot).

I think I kind of get what your trying to say in terms of cheating.

I guess another question I have here is, doesn't anybody out there consider this "cheating" in a sense that since it makes me feel this bad, and AS IF he DID cheat on me, then MAYBE it IS cheating? If not, then what should it be called?.

If it bothers you this much, know that you won't soon forget it. You need to deal with this emotion however you feel that you should. Communication is key here.

What's considered cheating and what's not doesn't mean jack, it's still going to hurt you to hear it regardless. In Office Space, when Peter thought the waitress (Jennifer Aniston) slept with Lumberg, although they didn't even know each other then, to him, it was still cheating. Things would've been okay had he never asked.

You can't forget that you did fight tooth-and-nail to get your boyfriend to admit this, this is also something to think about.

Thanks.. I'm glad someone finally acknowledged that regardless of whether it WAS cheating, that YES, it still does hurt to hear it (in my case, it hurts alot).

I think I kind of get what your trying to say in terms of cheating.

I guess another question I have here is, doesn't anybody out there consider this "cheating" in a sense that since it makes me feel this bad, and AS IF he DID cheat on me, then MAYBE it IS cheating? If not, then what should it be called?.

Thanks.. I;m glad someone finally acknowledged that regardless of whetheror not it WAS cheating, that YES, it still does hurt to hear it (in my case, it hurts alot).
Then don't ask next time. Like I said before, it was none of your business.

I guess another question I have here is, doesn't anybody out there consider this "cheating" in a sense that since it makes me feel this bad, and AS IF he DID cheat on me, then MAYBE it IS cheating? If not, then what should it be called?.
It's called dating around. You were only a date back then.

You have decided to make it a reason to feel bad. It had nothing to do with you.

It is a good idea to get this insecurity, suspicion, and over-reaction to something that had nothing to do with you, under control.

He has done nothing wrong.

It's a good idea to really work on trusting him. You need to have confidence in him. If you don't have the ability or desire to trust someone you love, you will set yourself up for heartache.

Next will be, why was he 45 min late getting home from work. Or, why does he look at girls, or why does he spend more time with co-workers than he does with me, and then everything turns into how what he does, affects your security level.

He shouldn't be in the position of having to run after you with a firehose putting out the flames of your jealousy and insecurities.

If you don't get a grip on this, you'll either push him away, and the relationship will end, or you will be miserable second guessing everything he says and does.

Thanks. I get it... :)

Thanks for the GREAT advice on telling me how to MOVE forward on our relationship and improve it.

By Ivory, Jul 21, 2008
I am a 22 years old, a bit of a brat,


By Ivory, July, 2009
My BF slept w/ another girl while we were just DATING, is this CHEATING?

Still a bit of a brat huh? Let it go, he didn't cheat, so don't make drama over NOTHING!

But I feel like Sh*t talaniman!. Why? Huhuhu

You feel like $hit because you're focusing on it. Let's face it, the more you smell the $hit, the $hittier it will smell.


I guess another question I have here is, doesn't anybody out there consider this "cheating" in a sense that since it makes me feel this bad, and AS IF he DID cheat on me, then MAYBE it IS cheating? If not, then what should it be called?.

Something deep in you feels betrayed because there is an insecurity or doubt within you. What it's called is 'projection'. You're projecting your feelings onto him. He didn't create your feelings, you did and now you're putting them back on to him.

Relationships are full of challenges and the best test of a good relationship is going through a difficult time or crisis. This guy seems to care about you. Prove yourself worthy of his honesty and love by telling him that you temporarily lost your reason, we all do at times, and that you won't talk about it with him anymore. Keep your word.

I then sincerely urge you to give some thought to what is triggering your insecurity, as this is your issue not his. Sorry to sound like a broken record. Do you have a friend that you can talk to about this? Ask them what they think about your reaction.

Stop focusing on how terrible you're feeling. Focus on the source of it. If you can understand where it's coming from then you can deal with it.

THANK YOU!

...

I guess another question I have here is, doesn't anybody out there consider this "cheating" in a sense that since it makes me feel this bad, and AS IF he DID cheat on me, then MAYBE it IS cheating? If not, then what should it be called?...

Here's a chance for you to move ahead where it counts: in your understanding of what happened in you, which you can be sure has happened before and will happen again. This can save you endless heartache. You will move past it (I'm going to describe it next) when you see it, own it as yours, refrain from judging yourself for doing it, or if you judge yourself then forgive yourself, and teach yourself to be mindful of this pattern in you as much as possible. That way, you can grow past it.

The pattern is highlighted in red above. Since you feel as bad as you would if he had cheated on you, "MAYBE it IS cheating." This is a painful mistake. You are making your feelings into a reality that is external to you. You are arguing for it to be so: "If not, then what should it be called?" It sounds like you are ready to fight for that interpretation. If you see that this is a mistake, you don't have to repeat it.

Your feelings, as is true for everybody else, tell what a situation means to you. They don't tell what is going on outside of you. They only have to do with your internal experience. It's an easy mistake to make, but don't confuse your internal reality with the reality of the world.

You have understood the feedback. Let this thing go. Let the pressure off and take some time to observe yourself. There is a part of you running false logic to get your motor running. You can observe it and learn to derail it. You will be so happy when you have done this.

I don't know if you will agree with me, but if you do and don't know how to do what I suggest, just ask. If you object, I understand. Tell me.

Tao

But I feel like Sh*t talaniman!. Why? Huhuhu

Because it burst your bubble, and that was a blow to your very fragile ego. Remember how you felt when you met the guy,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-do-tell-guy-im-dating-want-spend-more-time-together-251797.html


Hi guys! I've been going out with this wonderful, amazing guy for about three weeks now. He seems pretty decent and just last weekend he told me that he was starting to have real "feelings" for me. He has introduced me to his very close circle of friends, his 2 younger sisters and his dad. :p We don't get to see each other during the weekdays because of work and our schedules so we usually spend Saturdays & Sundays together. Although it's a bit awkward, we're not in that stage of our relationship yet where in we can be 100% honest and open about stuff. (Duh, I've only been seeing him for 3 weeks). We're still in that getting to know you stage..........Also, its very weird but since we are kind of already in a relationship.. How do I "request" for us to both change our profile status on MySpace to "In A Relationship" rather than "Single"? Any suggestions???


That was August of last year when you were falling for the guy, and wanted a relationship status with him, and he was just starting to have feelings for you. You were way ahead of your feelings, and thought he was out there to. This cheating episode blows the lid off that fantasy from then because it shows you he wasn't as into you as you thought at the time, and that is what's hurting. Your bruised ego is what making you feel lit shat, but by your own admission, you were just getting to know each other.

Another thing is your previous boyfriend was living with his babies mama but you didn't care about that, and went with him for more than a year until he broke it off, why??
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyrfriend-1-year-4-months-has-asked-space-240002.html

I am a 22 years old, a bit of a brat, and have been in a 1 year and 4 month relationship with my boyfriend. You see, he was actually my trainer here from work. At the time we had first met he was living at home with his mom, his kid, and the girl he got pregnant. I on the other hand was single and was some what loving it... He said he wanted some space since he felt very suffocated from seeing and being with me 24/7. I would not allow it and told him that I love being around him and living with him -- so on...
I should probably let you know that just 3 months ago I caught him texting another girl, although they had never met in person yet, I consider this as cheating. As of right now I am officially lost & confused


So are we seeing a pattern? Just to point out, you jumped from him to the current guy in a matter of months, from so in love to so in love, but it was always about your own insecurities, your need for full attention, and the fact that your still carrying baggage from your last relationship, and my bratty friend, you must recognize how dramatic you are when confronted with anything that changes what you want when you want it.

That's why you need to let this go, or you will drive this guy away, because you can be quite needy, and seem to fall really fast and maybe just maybe, some alone time away from the guys would really do you good.

So you going to dump this guy, or run him away because, you can't cope with your own feelings in a better way???? Completely up to you.

It hurts now because it is still fresh.

It will fade in time.


In the MEANTIME, talk about your feelings with him, communication is what will save something that seems to be falling apart.
Don't let it get to you, it will make or break your relationship.

I'll be happy to say that I have taken the advice of people on here which struck me the most.
In short, I decided to let it all go, and I feel great - thanks to you guys. :)

I've also decided to move forward, and already, I see the results.
I can actually see, that through my boyfriend's actions & gestures, that he does feel bad for what had happened 11 months ago, but I don't expect any big apologies, since there is nothing he should be sorry for. Although I know he doesn't have to, just knowing that at least he knows that it DID make an impact on me IS ENOUGH. I can also tell that he's thankful that we're getting through this together.

It was so much easier to overcome this without the emotions and all the drama. I'm glad I was able to somewhat get over my overwhelming feelings so that I could enjoy and be happy with what I have right in front of me - which is a great, loving & faithful man.

I will though, try my very best to keep in mind all the stuff you guys said about what I should change within. I know things can get a bit overwhelming for me and I get all hysterical and think it's the end of the world sometimes, but I'm working on it. I know I can't just change everything overnight and I'm sure all of you out there know that some things ARE easier said than done - but I can promise to take all of your advice into stride, so that I CAN improve myself, how I deal with problems, and in effect improve my relationships.

With all of that being said, I would like to say -- Thanks everyone!

Thanks!

He "lied to your face" because you put him in a "damned if I do and damned if I don't" position. You know, kind of like asking someone "Have you stopped beating your wife?" No answer that he could have given would have been "right" to you. If he says "no" you refuse to believe him and if he says "yes" then you become all despondent and feel hurt and betrayed. Common sense dictates that you don't ask a question that you don't want answered. OK, so he "cheated" on you before you were "officially" a couple. Did he do anything wrong? In the strictest sense, no he didn't. But I do believe that it was unwise of him to have sex with this other girl while he was presumably in the process of building a relationship with you. And I won't lecture you about the pitfalls of "doing it" on the first date because I'm sure you've received enough of that already. And, what goes around comes around. For all you know he may have been seeing someone else when he first slept with you, but not "officially" a couple with her. Now, all said, I'm not sure you're really ready for a relationship with anyone until you work on your communication skills.

Some of the best advice I ever received when dealing with this type of insecurity was from my therapist. I told her all about my worries, about how my current lady had been married before, had two kids before and that sometimes the thought would eat me alive. She very sternly looked at me and said, one's past has led them to their future, their future is beside you. So when you start to think about all of this, simply take a deep breath and say "Thank you" and let all that hot air out.

It doesn't sound like it would work, believe me. I walked out of there thinking "that's bullsh*t, no way could something that has been eating me up inside for the past month could be so easily solved." Well I was wrong, it felt great and even brought a smile to my face. To know that all of my past failings have put me with someone I fell in love with felt great. Then to know, that she went through a bad past, and pulled out and is now beside me felt better.

I feel great

It is a pleasure to read your words. Stay on the mindfulness and you will live a different life.

You might enjoy some reading. I recommend both of these authors:

Amazon.com: you just don't understand by deborah tannen: Books (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw_2_8?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=you+just+don%27t+understand+by+deborah+ta nnen&sprefix=you+just)

Amazon.com: I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead: Byron Katie, Michael Katz: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Need-Your-Love-Approval-Appreciation/dp/0307345300/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248135192&sr=8-4)

Have fun!

Tao

To find a person who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. -Robert Brault (1938- )

I have been in a similar situation, with my boyfriend in a "friends with benefits" situation at the beginning of dating me however he mentioned her in the context of wanting to stay friends with this person in a group and go to movie nights after a few weeks of dating. I mentioned that I preferred him to have friends that weren't interested in him (I didn't know they were sleeping together) so he was still seeing her without my knowledge in a social environment and chatting on the internet a few weeks after we slept together and decided to be exclusive. A lot of people have said he wasn't cheating because you weren't exclusive, but what if he had kept seeing her "as friends" even for a couple of weeks? Would you trust that they didn't sleep together?

HE WAS CHEATING ON YOU

Oliver1,

I suggest you check the dates on the threads you're posting in.