Michigan

Ok. Long Story. I gave my son's dad custody of our son back in 2005. HE has had custody of him since. In 2007 I motioned the court for a change of custody. My motion was denied. We were then court ordered to submit a drug test, a psychological exam, and he was ordered to attend parenting classes. Nothing came out of this.

On March 16, 2009 his father said he could live with me but was not going to change the current custodial order. On April13, 2009, my son revealed that his father has been physically abusing him the whole time he has lived with him. I.E. Slapping on the face, kicking in the lower back, grabbing by the throat, pushing/shoving. Needless to say, I brought him to the police department the following morning and filed a report.

I took him back to court on the 8th of May and once again, the Judge denied my motion because I did not have documentation with me. I did receive the order in the mail and it stated, "the courts grant plaintiff leave to re-file her motion if she can support her position with documentary evidence." I was court ordered to return my son, that day.

I am currently waiting to hear if he is being charged or if it is going to be dropped. When should I file my motion again? I am pretty sure I have all my ducks in order this time.

He also is verbally & mentally abusive, cohabiting with a married woman, has taken out son to the dentist only once, not involved in our son's education, does not have medical insurance on him....the list goes on.

Anyone go through a similar situation?

HELP!! ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

Advice? Hire a lawyer. There are a whole lot of grounds to changing custody and protecting your child but it seems as though the local court is not particularly friendly to your level of legal experience.

A decent lawyer will be able to get this rectified in short order, I would think.

Have you contacted the local police department to see if there have been any call reports or officer reports filed regarding your ex? That could be used as proof against him.

We're currently going through the same; my husband's ex-wife is living with an alcoholic who was arrested the day before Easter for shoving her onto the couch and into the patio door in front of her and my husband's two minor children. We requested the police report - got FIVE back from different incidents.

No I haven't. The only police report I have is the one in regards to the child abuse situation that was revealed to me in April. I think what I am going to do is request ALL police reports filed in his name. That is what I would request, right?

No I haven't. The only police report I have is the one in regards to the child abuse situation that was revealed to me in April. I think what I am going to do is request ALL police reports filed in his name. That is what I would request, right?

Definitely. If there are multiple reports, it's going to show a pattern. That's why the judge wants you to bring proof - so it's not just "the bitter ex" making allegations in an attempt to get custody and placement changed.

The police department can search for reports by name, by which phone number the call came from and by address. Get copies of anything and everything that you can.

Thank you so much for your response!

I have a question.

I received a copy of the police report today. The ending stated:

"At this time, I will be sending a warrant request over to the prosecutor's office for physical abuse, child abuse, against (I am leaving the name out) Also, please fax a copy of this entire report to child protective services."


DOES THIS MEEN THAT THE DETECTIVE THOUGHT THERE WAS ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO PRESS CHARGES? I NEED AN ANSWER! SOME SORT OF EXPERT KNOWLEDGE AS TO WHAT THESE WORDS MEEN.

THANKS!

Yes, the detective believes there is enough evidence for the DA's office to press charges.

If the DA agrees with the detectives assessment, you can bet there will be a uniform showing up at home or work to arrest <name removed> in a day or two.

In addition, CPS may, regardless of what the DA does, open and pursue their own case against <name removed> and there is a fair chance that the child will be taken into protective custody.

Is <name removed> you?

No, it is my son's father. I am in the process of filing a motion with the court for a change of custody. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

No, it is my son's father. I am in the process of filing a motion with the court for a change of custody. Any thoughts? Suggestions?


Yes. File the Motion and the Court will take this invetigation into consideration.

How did the father get custody originally? Were you deemed unfit? If so I see problems with custody of this child.

I gave him custody of our son back in 2005 because I was moving out of the school district.

I am not an unfit mother
I am not the one with a record

I am not an unfit mother... I am not the one with a recordHello m:

Yet, you gave your son to a man WITH a record. That don't make you FIT.

excon

I know. I realize that. If I could go back and change things, I would.

I know. I realize that. If I could go back and change things, I would.


You are going to have an uphill fight. On one hand you are arguing that the father is a danger to the son (which is pretty much the only reason to change custody once it has been ordered, unless you can agree) and on the other hand you are arguing that you knew he was a danger but let him take custody anyway.

And a bit of time has gone by.

I see problems in all directions.

Again, this is nothing to be attempted without an Attorney. I see you both losing custody.

My son's father did not have these charges before I gave him custody. There is more to the story than what I want to share.

I was already told by child protective services that I have a good chance of getting him back.

My son's father did not have these charges before I gave him custody. There is more to the story than what I want to share.

I was already told by child protective services that I have a good chance of getting him back.


I hope it works out for you. If you've already been told by people familiar with the circumstances that you have a good chance to getting your son back I don't know why you're posting here. We obviously don't have the info CPS has and so we're just guessing.

As a side note - please combine your questions on the same topic instead of posting them in different threads in different places.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/age-child-can-have-say-where-they-deisre-live-361649.html#post1778586

In the state of Michigan...

Does anyone know at what age a child can have a say in court where they desire to live?

A child can express their preference, but they don't have a "say". Only a judge can make the decision. Some states do provide guidelines of how much weight should be given the child'd preference, Michigan is not one of them.

If the child wants to change custodial parents, then the NON-Custodial parent has to go to court and file for modification of the custody order. Whether the judge will talk to the child and how much weight they put on the child's preference is totally up to the judge.

I just saw your other post:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/criminal-law/custodial-father-possibly-charged-child-abuse-361117.html

Why are you concerned with the child's preference? You seem to have a good case that the father is unfit. If you are concerned because the child wants to stay with the father, then don't get him involved.

Well, I just got a call from the detective and he said the prosecutors determined that the warrant request is denied

I am still going to go through with my motion for change of custody for the fact that my son wants to live with me

I have other factors too

Would I still be able to use the police report as documentation in court of what had happened even though the prosecuting office determined that they are not going to issue a warrant?

would I still be able to use the police report as documentation in court of what had happenedHello again, m:

Probably...

But, I WOULDN'T mention that your son wants to live with you. Unless he's older than say 14, the court isn't interested in HIS wants. The court is interested is what's BEST for the child. Mentioning it will only weaken your case, in my view.

excon

Hello again, m:

Probably....

But, I WOULDN'T mention that your son wants to live with you. Unless he's older than say 14, the court isn't interested in HIS wants. The court is interested is what's BEST for the child. Mentioning it will only weaken your case, in my view.

excon


I agree - there is another thread by OP, same subject, same question - at what age can son "pick" custodial parent.

What would you suggest I put on my motion then for "circumstance of change"?

- he is physically, emotionally and verbally abuseive (although the warrant was denied)
- not involved in our son's education (rarely attends ptc/iept meetings)
- Has only taken him once to the dentist in the past 4 years
- does not help him with homework
- does not maintain health converage for him so it is impossible for me to take him to see his psychologist (which he REALLY needs)
- in 2008 he was diagnosed with ADHD
- I was going to take him to see a psychiatrist for possible medication, however I can not follow through with that because of lack of insurance
- his father is cohabiting with a woman who is married to another man

What would you suggest I put on my motion then for "circumstance of change"?

- he is physically, emotionally and verbally abuseive (although the warrant was denied)
- not involved in our son's education (rarely attends ptc/iept meetings)
- Has only taken him once to the dentist in the past 4 years
- does not help him with homework
- does not maintain health converage for him so it is impossible for me to take him to see his psychologist (which he REALLY needs)
- in 2008 he was diagnosed with ADHD
- I was going to take him to see a psychiatrist for possible medication, however I can not follow through with that because of lack of insurance
- his father is cohabiting with a woman who is married to another man

Two items are the same thing. The ADHD and the last item are not admissible and the last actually hurts your case because it makes you look petty. The rest are all relevant points.

The whole situation with ADHD wouldn't matter in court if he had to be put on medication to be able to function in school? Also, the cohabiting with a married woman is not teaching my son any morals (not that it matters in court) It was Easter of 2007 that his father was charged with Domestic Violence (it was with his x-girlfriend) I have the Child Protective Services Report to back this up.

Could I mention the fact that my son has stated to his teacher that the reason he is hungry is because "there in no food to eat?" (I would have to look into this a little further because it could be a matter of that he does not want to eat what his father has)

I know I do not always like to hear what people are telling me, but I would rather hear it and have clear and convincing documentation for when I go to court.

Of any of the points I have made, which point, in your opinion would be most effective?

The whole situation with ADHD wouldn't matter in court if he had to be put on medication to be able to function in school? Also, the cohabiting with a married woman is not teaching my son any morals (not that it matters in court) It was Easter of 2007 that his father was charged with Domestic Violence (it was with his x-girlfriend) I have the Child Protective Services Report to back this up.

Could I mention the fact that my son has stated to his teacher that the reason he is hungry is because "there in no food to eat?" (I would have to look into this a little further becuase it could be a matter of that he does not want to eat what his father has)

I know I do not always like to hear what people are telling me, but I would rather hear it and have clear and convincing documentation for when I go to court.

Of any of the points I have made, which point, in your opinion would be most effective?

I thought you meant the father has ADHD. My mistake.

No - the court doesn't care about morals. There is no place for morality in court because a moral is just an opinion and the law is based on fact and precedent.

In my opinion... all of them. You don't have to pick. If you were to pick one, the education related ones are the strongest, in my opinion.

He has 2 other kids by his x. Would I be able to mention how he has not paid any support on his other kids? He is 1375.00 behind.

How is he able to support our son? (even with the child support I pay him)

Would you happen to know or have heard what other people have put on their motion for "change in circumstances"


YES, MY SON WAS DIAGNOSED FOR ADHD

thanks for all your help!

He has 2 other kids by his x. Would I be able to mention how he has not paid any support on his other kids? He is 1375.00 behind.

How is he able to support our son? (even with the child support I pay him)

Would you happen to know or have heard what other people have put on their motion for "change in circumstances"


YES, MY SON WAS DIAGNOSED FOR ADHD

thanks for all your help!

Support has nothing to do with custody and visitation. Support for his other children is even less related, so no, you couldn't do that.

As for a change of custody reasoning... more stable environment, better school district, local family support - really anything. If it makes sense to you, it likely makes sense to the court as well.

Do you have a lawyer? That will help your cause more than anything else.

No. I am planning on representing myself.

My son's father and I had to go for a child custody evaluation in February of 2008. The psychologist look at 5 child custody factors. He favored me 3 out of the 5 and did not favor either one of us on the other 2.

His recommendation was that I get full custody of our son


Is taking him to the dentsit one time if 4 years considered dental neglect?

Get a lawyer. Representing yourself is a good way to lose.

Dental neglect is a tough one... if he doesn't have any obvious dental issues, it's a hard sell.

Thank you for all your help

How much does the courts look down on a custodial parent who has domestic violence on their record? (it is not me)

How much does the courts look down on a custodial parent who has domestic violence on their record? (it is not me)

No way to measure this. Depends on the court, judge and lawyers.

No way to measure this. Depends on the court, judge and lawyers.

Also depends on if the other person was convicted, how serious the crime itself was, etc.

Thank you for all your help

Yes, definitely get an attorney. We couldn't afford the retainer but found a local attorney through a website who is willing to work with us - I posted the link once here before, but I've heard that the higher-ups frown upon "advertising." I don't receive anything from this website, but nonetheless, I don't want to break the rules. I can send you a link if you'd like; just PM me.

I can definitely sympathize with you because your situation sounds exactly like mine - from the child(ren) wanting to live with you, to not taking them to the dentist, to the physical fights in the home of the other parent. Get an attorney - it will help tremendously.

What is the link?

When I went to court my son's father said that he called several times to make him come home, but we ignored his calls. I have a copy of my phone records, which includes All incoming, outgoing and missed calls.

HOW WOULD I GO ABOUT PROVING THAT HE LIED UNDER OATH?

IN 7 WEEKS MY SON WAS LIVING WITH ME HIS DAD CALLED 3 TIMES, AND TALKED TO OUR SON TWICE, WITH THE LONGEST CONVERSATION BEING 37 SECONDS!

AND HE NEVER SAID THAT HE HAD TO COME HOME!

Take the records with and get a lawyer

How can you be sure he lied ? He may have misdialed and used the redial button thinking he had the number right. Also the phone company doesn't keep records of attempted calls. Only the ones that make it through.

I've merged all your threads becaused they deal with the same issue. Please don't keep starting new threads.

If the father lied at a previous hearing, then you ask if the previous testimony can be reread or you get a transcriupt of the previous hearing. You then ask the judge to look over your phone records and confrim that you only received three calls. DO NOT call your ex a liar, just point out the facts.

But I will say, again, that this case is getting complex and you would be better off with an attorney.

If he WAS REALLY trying to get through, he would have let it go to voicemail and would have left a message. I called my phone company and they said the phone only needs to ring twice and it will still show up on my call list.

What are everyone's thoughts of having my son write a letter to the judge letting him know his desires? (as far as him wanting to live with me)

Your son's letter will have little to no merit, probably will not even be looked at by the judge, even less likely that he will look at the attempt favorably.

The decision will be based on what is best for the child, not what the child wishes, if the judge ever wants to hear from the child he (the judge) will ask to speak to him and he will dismiss anything the child says if he feels in anyway that the child has been coached.

You have been told countless times, YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY. You are emotionally involved, not legally educated and unable to make agreements with your ex. It's not a matter of whether you can afford one, your child can't afford for you NOT to have one, if you fear for him as you state.

So basically, pretty much... I go to court with my police reports, CPS reports, ALL my documentation, and hope for the best!!

You will be hoping for the best, because the best that you can do is hire counsel.

Good luck to you.

I am going to call to a lawyer I have spoke to a couple times before and see if he is willing to sit and talk to me so I can show him all the documentation I have...

If I do not get him back this time with all I have in my favor, then I am not getting him back.

YYou have been told countless times, YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY.
So basically, pretty much... I go to court with my police reports, CPS reports, ALL my documentation, and hope for the best!!!Hello again, m:

I think she's telling you something else entirely.

excon

I understood!! Lawyers are not cheap!! My son is worth every penny, do not get me wrong!! I will fight with every last penny I have!!

You can ask the court for a guardian ad litem for your son. It costs nothing.

I don't know about New York, but in Illinois, a guardian ad litem, is an attorney that requires fees and a retainer as well. It's an attorney to represent the child and the child's best interests and the expense is usually split between the parties, but a GAL is not free.

Would they be willing to help even though the father was not charged?

It's an attorney to represent the child and bring an unbias opinion to the court for custody, in Illinois they do everything and look at everything that would be presented at a custody trial and make a written recommendation to the judge for custody.

The father being charged is not related to the court's ability to appoint a GAL on your case. The fees would be substaintially lower, since they are split with the opposing party, you can ask for a child representative at your first court appearance.

I don't know about New York, but in Illinois, a guardian ad litem, is an attorney that requires fees and a retainer as well. It's an attorney to represent the child and the child's best interests and the expense is usually split between the parties, but a GAL is not free.

You are correct. My apologigs. I don't know what it is in Michigan. In NY the court may award the guardian ad litem the fees or assign the parties, if they can, to pay. But in NY you can petition for a guardian ad litem where the child may be in harm's way (as it seems to be here) and the court can assign one without regard to ability to pay.

It does vary from place to place.

How much, in your opinion, do child custody evaluations weigh in court as far as the psychologists recommendation?

How much, in your opinion, do child custody evaluations weigh in court as far as the psychologists recommendation?

In general the judge must follow the perscribed outlay that an evaluation would bring. The only way that it can be ignored is if its later disproven in court. But sides have a right to dispute the findings.

In general the judge must follow the perscribed outlay that an evaluation would bring. The only way that it can be ignored is if its later disproven in court. But sides have a right to dispute the findings.

What? A judge does not have to follow anything.

What? A judge does not have to follow anything.

Actually yes they do. They have to follow the law. And the evaluation process is considered as an expert witness to the case and the recommendations are normally followed by a judge as guidelines. Otherwise why bother ? Your statement is incorrect.

What? A judge does not have to follow anything.

I have to agree with Califdad here, The above quoite is highly incorrect. In fact this issue has been in the public lately over SotoMayer's Supreme Court nomination. A judge has to rule according to prevailing law or their verdict can be overturned on appeal. Judges who make up their own rules generally don't last to long as a judge.