riversong
May 20, 2009, 07:14 PM
Hi, I really just need someone to talk to, I'm very low and lonely and have no one to turn to. A couple of years ago I met somebody on the net, he lives half way around the world, we instantly clicked and over the months and through our friendship we fell in love, I had never known love like it and I have had a few long relationships and had been in love before. But he was something differen't, he knew me, knew how to talk to me, made me happy when I was sad, calmed me when I was upset, we shared the same love for everything from opinions on life to music to movies and I was always there for him as much as he was for me.
At first I tried to walk away because he was younger than me for a start and he was at UNI in another country, he persisted for ages and eventually I couldn't say no as my feelings where to strong for him. He said once UNI was finished or even before he was finished he would move over here either finishing his studies here or to look for work after university. So even though it was so so hard, we spent two years together over the net, we spoke everyday on skype for hours at a time, even watched programs and films together that way. We shared everything and gave up a lot for one another.
Then a few weeks ago, he ended it, he said that when we first got together he thought he would be with me by now, that it is to hard having a relationship this way and he could be another two years at UNI if he goes for his masters. He says that UNI is getting so much harder, that he hardly has time for anything and that a possible two years living the way we have been-he can not handle anymore, and also that he doesn't want either of us to waste anymore time on what could and might be.
He says that we should both try and move on and be open to meeting someone new eventually, he says that he is open to us meeting in the future and open even to something happening with us, but at the moment he can't carry on like this. I would go over there like a shot if I could but money is a huge problem and other commitments here, I said I will be able to go next year and I want that so much. But that doesn't change that he doesn't want me here and now, we still talk everyday for ten minutes or so, and he does still care about me and says he loves me, I'm not sure if he is in love with me though anymore.
The problem is that I totally am in-love with him, he is all I think about from the moment I wake until I go to sleep, I can't stop crying and I'm miserable without his love. I can't bare the thought of him with anyone else, or us never meeting, when you have talked and discussed about everything you were going to do and plan a life together and then it is took away it leaves you terrified. I am so scared of never meeting him, being with him, spending my life with him, holding his hand and loving him and him loving me back.
I know we have something special because long distant relationships don't last that long with never meeting if it wasn't something special. I believe he is my soulmate and he used to think that to, he says if we are meant to be then it will happen, but we can't force it.
Him ending it was such a shock, I wasn't expecting it at all, and the thing is, is that I understand why he has, he is right about many things but when was love ever rational, my heart is ruling my head and I'm petrified of a life without him, I'm scared to death I will ring him one day and he no longer as that number, or he no longer returns an email, I'm just so scared of so many things. I just don't know how to carry on with a my life when I love someone so so much but the person doesn't show it back.
I'm finding it hard to function and can't ever imagine having happiness back in my life without him. I want him to be happy and if I have to put up with just being friends then so be it, because I can't imagine him not being part of my life. I just have no drive in me at the moment, I need a light, a glimmer of hope, some support on how to try and get some sort of life back for myself so I'm not feeling terrible every single day of my life.
Thanks for reading and listening.
At first I tried to walk away because he was younger than me for a start and he was at UNI in another country, he persisted for ages and eventually I couldn't say no as my feelings where to strong for him. He said once UNI was finished or even before he was finished he would move over here either finishing his studies here or to look for work after university. So even though it was so so hard, we spent two years together over the net, we spoke everyday on skype for hours at a time, even watched programs and films together that way. We shared everything and gave up a lot for one another.
Then a few weeks ago, he ended it, he said that when we first got together he thought he would be with me by now, that it is to hard having a relationship this way and he could be another two years at UNI if he goes for his masters. He says that UNI is getting so much harder, that he hardly has time for anything and that a possible two years living the way we have been-he can not handle anymore, and also that he doesn't want either of us to waste anymore time on what could and might be.
He says that we should both try and move on and be open to meeting someone new eventually, he says that he is open to us meeting in the future and open even to something happening with us, but at the moment he can't carry on like this. I would go over there like a shot if I could but money is a huge problem and other commitments here, I said I will be able to go next year and I want that so much. But that doesn't change that he doesn't want me here and now, we still talk everyday for ten minutes or so, and he does still care about me and says he loves me, I'm not sure if he is in love with me though anymore.
The problem is that I totally am in-love with him, he is all I think about from the moment I wake until I go to sleep, I can't stop crying and I'm miserable without his love. I can't bare the thought of him with anyone else, or us never meeting, when you have talked and discussed about everything you were going to do and plan a life together and then it is took away it leaves you terrified. I am so scared of never meeting him, being with him, spending my life with him, holding his hand and loving him and him loving me back.
I know we have something special because long distant relationships don't last that long with never meeting if it wasn't something special. I believe he is my soulmate and he used to think that to, he says if we are meant to be then it will happen, but we can't force it.
Him ending it was such a shock, I wasn't expecting it at all, and the thing is, is that I understand why he has, he is right about many things but when was love ever rational, my heart is ruling my head and I'm petrified of a life without him, I'm scared to death I will ring him one day and he no longer as that number, or he no longer returns an email, I'm just so scared of so many things. I just don't know how to carry on with a my life when I love someone so so much but the person doesn't show it back.
I'm finding it hard to function and can't ever imagine having happiness back in my life without him. I want him to be happy and if I have to put up with just being friends then so be it, because I can't imagine him not being part of my life. I just have no drive in me at the moment, I need a light, a glimmer of hope, some support on how to try and get some sort of life back for myself so I'm not feeling terrible every single day of my life.
Thanks for reading and listening.