Me and my girl have been together for a year and one month. Everything was swell until a few weeks ago. She started acting weird. She never wanted to be on the phone any more, she stopped coming over and just invited me to spend the night a few time (we are still young, I'm 16 she is 17). Ive known her since younger, and she had previously went out with this guy who abused her, in Middleschool 8th grade woa. I went out with her in 7th grade but dumped her because I had lovey feelings starting. Well in 10th grade summer she called me, we always talked, and here we are a year later. Are relationship has been something people have envied to see how much love their was. I treated her how she wanted to be treated, different from that guy in 8th grade. I treat her so good, maybe too good. Well a few days ago she asked me for time apart, confused I had no comment, and finally gave in yesterday. Some please help talk to me, I cannot think, I have given her space, but I don't want this space to push her from ME, and pull her to someone else. Today is the first day I went without calling her. She told me to come over Thursday night and spend the night so we can talk. What do I do? Some one please help me through this, give me advice guide me so that I can almost assure to keep her. :(

You like her and that's great.

She wants room. That sucks.

If you want to be a doormat, cling.

If you want to have a girlfriend who cares, back off.

There is NO WAY to make her do anything. Back away, let her feel what its like to be without you. If she needs you back, shell come. If she doesn't come back, she doesn't need you and you can't "fix" that. Sometimes it doesn't work out. Most of us here have had a first love, second love, third love... etc. you always want it to work out and are always surprised when it doesn't.

And its good that you treat her well... but don't break your back trying to please her. She needs to do some work here too.

So... sucks to be you. I've been there too. Really. Be better than I was. Don't make a fool of yourself chasing after someone. That only means you want them more than they want you.

So like I said, if you want a girlfriend who cares, back off. If she doesn't come back, go find another one who does care.

When someone leaves YOU, THEY have to come back. There's nothing you can do. One of the nasty things life teaches you. Sucks because something that is such a big part of your life is not something YOU have any control over.

You can't control her, but you have control over yourself. It sucks dude, no way around that. But stay away from her if you EVER want her back. There's not a thing you can do to make it happen.

Give her space and no matter what anybody says to you try not to talk about her. Don't give anybody the impression you miss her. Don't give anybody the impression your bitter. If you have to come here and poor you heart out do it. We've been there. But the reality is your still in high school. You can't understand this now so I'm not going to preach it to you but high school isn't real life. I think you may have a few more girlfriends in your future.

Give her what she wants and back-off. We all think that we are so perfect to someone else and are shocked that they see things differently. If your life is balanced properly you have many things you enjoy doing without her and now is the time to do them. No one can make someone love them or stay with them nor would you want to. It looks bad now, but you'll have a lot of girlfriends in the future.

But that's the thing, I don't have a lot of things going for me in my life. I work, I rap, and once in a while I go with the guys for "a guys night out" of probably video games and a mini party. The reason I might be so much in love with her is because it hurt me so bad to see her when she was earlier going through what she went through, and I always said if I had a chance than I would take it and never let it go. I don't have a big family, I USED to, but everybody moved out. Only my big brother remains and he's always at his girlfriends house (theyve been together for two years) so no one is ever here I live with my grandparents. Just 3 people to a house is pretty lonely, so maybe that's why we spent so muh time together, but its not like I ever forced her to see me. It just sucks because I don't receive a lot of love in my life from people around me, grandparents are sick, brother never there, father in Miami and barely calls, so the only love I got is from her. The thing is that I don't want to find another girl, she treated me as I wanted to be treated, she UNDERSTOOD me as well a I did her, its not a problem with sex, because that was great to both of us (I gave her her first orgasm, go me lol) so I ask, why the suddden change? Might they're be another boy in her life?

Maybe she wants something New,the types of guys she likes won't be good too her, is they're a way to get her to realize that she might find something newbut not better

maybe she wants something New,the types of guys she likes wont be good too her, is theyre a way to get her to realize that she might find something newbut not better

You are being arrogant right there by assumin she is going to **** up her life and make the mistake of "finding something new but not better"

Leave her alone.

The best thing you can do is to give her what she wants and be a MAN about it. And by this I mean having some control over your emotions and desires. You need to be distracted. You have too much time to think about her.

Leave her to do what she wants.

Chasing a woman who wants space is not exactly a wise thing to do it will only make you degrade yourself and be seen as needy.

If you really love her, you will let her go and find out whatever it is she wants to find out. She may come bac, she may not... it is up to HER. That is HER choice. Trying to make her "realize" anything is just a form of possesivness which can devolve into one of those sick pathetic parasitic relationships.

LEAVE HER TO DO AS SHE WANTS

Take the time to have some fun for yourself.

Thanks

But thats the thing, i dont have alot of things going for me in my life....

...it just sucks becuase i dont recieve alot of love in my life from people around me, grandparents are sick, brother never there, father in Miami and barely calls, so the only love i got is from her. the thing is that i dont want to find another girl, she treated me as i wanted to be treated, she UNDERSTOOD me as well a i did her...

Well, here's the thing. You do have a few things going for yo, you just are too deep in the middle of a mess to figure it out right now.

First. You are young. You have time. Time to get your head straight. Figure things out. I'm not saying someone cannot find a great person when they are young and maybe build a great life with that person. But most of the time you have a first serious relationship, followed somewhere by the first serious breakup, first serious heartache, followed eventually by the next serious relationship at some point. This stuff happens to everybody. Happened to me after I dated my first serious HS girlfriend for 6 years! 2 yrs HS, 4 college, then boom. Over. Sucked like hell. We talked about marriage, where wed live, she was my first, I was hers. The works. The "problem" with younger, serious relationships is that you are still growing mentally and what you want and who you want at 16 may not be the same at 19 or 23 or 28.

This does nothing to make you feel better, I know. But you have some things going for you. Being young is one.

Second, you have something going for you that can also hinder you if you are not careful. Some of your post reminds me of me. That first girlfriend I dated, I treated her like a princess. I was kind and thoughtful and made her day better. I worked on that relationship and was proud of it.

The thing you have going for you is you aren't a clueless guy, completely. You found ways to treat her well. Great job. Some guys never figure that out. This means you might be better off than a lot of others in later relationships.

The hindrance part of this I mentioned is that, while its great you were able to figure out how to treat her well, you might have overdone it. The relationship should never be you about being a butler. If you make it too easy or all about pleasing her, well a lot of times it can fall apart. Sounds wacked, but a lot of people want more of a challenge. One girl I dated I know broke up with me because I was "too there" for her. I thought I was being nice. She thought I was too much like a girlfriend.

I know. Its confusing. You need to be able to connect and you need to be able to not live your life wrapped around the relationship.


might theyre be another boy in her life?

There might be. There are also boys all around her, every day. And when you are young, you have time to try different things out. Its normal. Its natural. Its against what you want, but really... is a common thing when you are young and figuring things out to sometimes take some risks. She's giving up something that is strong and comfortable because she can. She had time to make mistakes and explore and that part of living.

Like I said, I've been where you are in many ways. And felt some of the same things you described. And lived through some of the same things (divorced home, no father figure, only kid in the house). I can tell you I never had the same relationship with any other girl. There are things you feel in that first big love that may never be duplicated the same way again.

That's OK. You are not supposed to do the same relationship over again. After two more serious, earth moving relationships that also crashed and burned, I found one that lasted. Now married 6 years.

I can tell you that you sometimes have to go through some crap to get to this place. But if I could go back and be with that first love, I never would.

You need to not define happiness as with her. She's not the answer. She's just a part of the answer that you are going to have to discover over time, with other girls and other relationships.

All of the questions you are asking here she be posed to HER. Why the sudden change, what's going on, what is all of this about and where do you see it going. Once you get answers to those - you should be able to handle the situation a little bit better. I would not spend the night with her to "talk" - that will only cloud the issues. Get some answers first and then see what's what... jonB

But see, me as a boyfriend, was never really a boyfriend, before her I couldn't care less. A "player" you could say. Never thought about being in love because I never wanted to trust someone with my heart, my father trusted my mother, my mother cheated while she was pregnant with me for their problems, and he left a little after I was born. So I had a hard time trusting girls, CHEATING is a reason I don't have a father in my life, TRUST is one of the factors. I never wanted to end up like him, it is something too harsh, just the though of trusting someone with your love, and they hide it for 10 minute of sex. So I never trusted nor cared for a girl. But this one, she was special to me when I first met her, when I first dated her, we had PUPPY love I guess, and so I dumoed her before any more feelings occurred, I was WAY TOO young, I'm young now but more back then, but I decided to go back with her, and feelings were stronger. I believe I did do something to cause this though, maybe not so serious of how she is acting though. I never wanted her on the phone with this one boy that I didn't like, he tried to get with her earlier in our relationship, and it seemed like she cut him off, till I saw his number in her cell phone. I didn't yell at her, but I let her know I didn't like it, and she had no problem with it. But when we were together, he'd always call, and shed always tell him, I can't talk right now, and I would tell her, why don't you just tell him to stop calling? And after that went on I would get upset with it, because that's like the only thing I asked her for. Is that a push? Or what? Also, how can I tell if this "BREAK" would push her from me? That no contact rule, seems like it would just push her from me, and pull her to someone else when she is feeling this way. The thing that hurts me so much is, that everything was all good... just a week ago
P.S. she wants me to come spend the night tonight, what to I tell her, if I do go, what do I say to her?

It may be another guy, and then again maybe not. In either case, you can't worry about what you can't control, and believe me, the last hing you want to do is become controlling. Give her the space she asked for. If you really care about her feelings, and not just yours, give her what she asked for. I know it will be hard for you. Its sad that you feel you have no one in your life and you feel lonely without her, it shouldn't be that way. You are a young person with your whole life ahead of you. School should be your main focus right now, not her, not any . You owe it to yourself to give yourself the best possible opportunity in life you can, and education is a good way to do that. Think of it this way, if things did work out for the two of you, and you grow up and get married in 10 years, what will you have to offer her? Your children? Get a good education, a good job, and that will give you a good start in life.

You are coming off a little self centered though. A good fix for that would be to volunteer your extra time with people who really need you. I know you are under age, but there are lots of organizations that could really use your help. Reading to the elderly or sick people, working in soup kitchen, being a big brother to someone who literally has no one. All of these things will give you the opportunity to make someone feel very special, not to mention make you feel genuinely good about yourself. Giving to others is a great way to get your mind off your own problems and reminds you that there is always someone out there worse off than you.

Give her the space, she needs it right now. I'm not telling you to sit around and wait for her, just get busy. Use your time in a positive way. Don't call, email, text, write or show up at her house. If she wants to talk, let her call you or come to your house. Don't sleep over there anymore, at your age the last thing you want to do is risk a pregnancy that neither of you are prepared for. Remember, it's her body and if she got pregnant and decided to not go through with the pregnancy, there is nothing you can do to keep her from terminating the pregnancy. That would make you feel pretty crappy, so just avoid it, please.

Yep, leave her alone - TRUST ME!! No calls for while, don't go see her.

She wants to 'talk' most like to break and give her alibi. When girls say - "we need to talK" - RUN! If you wait a while before the talk... she may change her mind.

SEE: usually women need space when you SMOTHER then - you're always there, you're always calling them.

YOU NEED TO LEARN TO BUSY DOING OTHER STUFF. She has life - you need a life.

Start working oput and playing sports.

She doesn't want you there all the time - especially as she gets older.

She is only part of your life - not your life.

I have a saying while dating: LESS IS MORE!! Give less of yourself - see her less... she will want MORE!!

Tank You, but I don't get her, she called me and told me she really wants me to come over so she can explain how she feels, and get some answers out. The phone thing doesn't really work other wise I'd just be on the phone, gramma cuts the phone at 10 lol, I don't get out of work till 8, she doesn't till 9, that gives us less than an hour, way less than an hour. So, what should I do, should I respect the fact she want me to go, or just stay and sleep home, lol, thank you mom in cali, but we usually don't have sex when I sleep over unless she really wants it, because her mothers room is right next door.

Well, I wouldn't go... give the space.

But I a bet you go.

Be prepared for anything. I smell a break up talk.

Maybe others can help out with this.

Id say - "Ok, what ever you want" "Bye" - and leave immediately without another word.

But, she may have other things to talk about.

You work, you rap, and you go to school too right? Dude, that's a lot of stuff. Music is a great hobby, and one that can consume you. You need to find other things that consume you.

And trust me, this will hopefully be the first and last this happens to you, but most likely not. And it's a great lesson to learn at 16.

And dude, lots of guys are "players" until they meet someone who knocks them off their feet. That's how it works. I have dated many girls, but only loved 3. And my most recent break was the toughest, and I'm almost 30.

Happens to best, the brightest, the strongest, the toughest guys. If James Bond were a real person, someone would have broken his heart too. That's how the world is.

If James Bond were a real person, someone would have broken his heart too. That's how the world is.
Thanks man, I needed a laugh. But I want to try the no contact rule, but she's different, she would like it for like a day or two, but would start to miss me, or think about how I feel, I just want this go go away, not go away come back, go away come back feeling, deal with it, I don't know, I just have to find out those answers that I asked questions to

You want them to miss you.

Get busy with other things in your life.

Tank You, but i dont get her, she called me and told me she really wants me to come over so she can explain how she feels, and get some answers out. the phone thing doesnt really work other wise i'd just be on the phone, gramma cuts the phone at 10 lol, i dont get out of work till 8, she doesnt till 9, that gives us less than an hour, way less than an hour. So, what should i do, should i respect the fact she want me to go, or just stay and sleep home, lol, thank you mom in cali, but we usualy dont have sex when i sleep over unless she really wants it, becuase her mothers room is right next door.
Tell her to write down what she has to say to you in a nice love letter since you never got one of those before and you would really appreciate it.

Love letter? Read the post - they may break up. I don't think she's in the mood to write a love letter.

Love letter? read the post - they may break up. I don't think she's in the mood to write a love letter.
:D call it a break up letter then.

And in my experience, girls don't write love letters to guys. Ever. They write in their journals about guys, but they'll never tell any guy what they really think.

She's not going to write you any letter dude. No way.

So what should I do?

but i dont want this space to push her from ME

Space will NEVER, EVER do that. Space does not push someone away. It is the greatest test to real feelings. You miss her right, after a few days, maybe at your age even after a few hours? Why?

Because you really like her. When you're away from her, you miss her, and you want to get close to her again right? Well, she should feel the same way, if she feels for you, what you feel for her. It's really a great way to find out how much you mean to someone, time apart. If with space, she's gone, she just wants out. If with space, she comes back, then she does feel strongly for you, like you do with her.

Seriously, I'd stay away from her for at least a week. If you talk to her, just tell her you have things to do this week. Stay away from her.

THIS WILL NOT PUSH HER AWAY.

If she wants a break-up, it'll happen whether you talk to her this week or next week. GIVING HER SPACE will not cause the break.

Guaranteed. GIVE HER A WEEK OFF.

Thanks for the advice, so say about after a week or two, then what?

Thanks for the advice, so say about after a week or two, then what?

LET HER DECIDE how much time she wants. She is the one that has to decide what she wants and So do you

Use the time gained to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.

What happens if she died ?

You would have to move forward right ?

What do you think she would do if YOU DIED ?

She would most certainly move forward.

Take the time to develop a plan for your future

As my brother would say, get drunk on the stench of your own sweat.

She could take 1 week, 2 weeks, 3weeks, 4weeks, a semester... a year... it doesn't matter, you should not be concerned about this, since you would be occupied with your future

Sometimes I realise young people do not have a hobby so they sit down and pine over their "lovers"

You need to find something to do and take your mind of her. Find a passion greater than the one you have for her.

When I was younger I was an amateur photographer... so that was/still is my passion.

I spend time taking photos of scenery, old folks, young folks, and especially nice looking women and doing them up on my computer. Once you have a truck load of pretty eyes, lovely smiles, smart faces and nubile bodies gumming up your portfolio you begin to recognise that ONE human female is just a drop in the bucket of your life.

It can be done, but I'm sure you know its not as easy as you say. Especially when thoughts are lingering in your head like " wat happened, why is she acting like this, or what couldi have possibly done wrong, it WAS all good, just a week ago"

I would just be patient. LIke everyone said you should be asking her all these questions so you can be at peace with her decision.. you have every right to know what is going on between you guys. If she wants space though you really need to give it. I would talk to her tonight and see what she wants to do ( have some space, break up, whatever) and then you should tell her how you feel. Work it out or move on.. your young, you shouldn't be miserable just yet.. live your life, find someone who will appreciate you for who you are! :)

It can be done, but im sure you know its not as easy as you say. especialy when thoughts are lingering in your head like " wat happened, why is she acting like this, or what couldi have possibly done wrong, it WAS all good, just a week ago"

It is as easy as I say.

Try it and see.

Ok, I'll give it some time. :-(

I'd stay busy with my life until she contacted me . Just my opinion. Love is a two way street and if your putting all of that effort into this relationship UI would be dog gone certain that she was to . Dude you need to learn BALANCE. This female is part of your life ,not your whole life (Holy Wildcat). No CONTACT> That's what she wants.

Thanks talaniman, hey if anybody want to hear my music, go to www.myspace.com/damovements and www.myspace.com/youngkidfromdamovement
That's what I do on my spare time, and I was doing today to keep my mind off her, tell me what you think, and I'm giving space, I won't contact her. I'll do me, until SHE contacts me, I got it lol. I hope this works, and if not... Hey, w/e

If anybody else has some thoughts, please post them, you guys are helping me get through this so much

You have awesome advcice here. You really should LISTEN.
Don't contact her. Be busy. Live your own life. She asked for space. GIVE IT.
You give her space and if she really loves you she will come running back quick smart.
You need to BALANCE your life. Don't make her your life. Have other things in your life.
NO CONTACT!! Leave her alone. It will be the best thing for both of you now. We have all been through this and we have all made the mistake of contacting them when they need space. It doesn't work. It drives them away!

This No Contact, is like the unwritten rule, of life lol. Thank You everybody I will keep you posted day by day on how this turns out, just stick with me, for this is my time in need of friends that have been in my shoes

Funny thing is, guys can be the same way.

My Girl just called me, she seems happy with me, that I haven't bothered nor smothered her, but tomorrow is too soon to see her, there for I am happy with the decision she made to go to her aunts house instead of mine, so I'm going to ride this thing out, I think I CAN do it, the conversation we just had gave me a boost of confidense that she isn't seeing nor trying to hook up with another guy. We were laughing on the phone, and she said "Baby i'm getting in the shower so, i think,...no i'll call you back" (she was going to say I think I'll call you back.. hesitant lol) and we hung up. I called her back and said "Bay, you dont have to call me back if you dont want to, dont think about how i feel right now, think about what will benefit youre emotions" she said OK. Im not sure if she'll call or not, but hey, I let her know that I respect her wish, and my no contact rule, I acted as if everything was OK, and I did not miss her, I guess she like that, I LOVE YOU GUYS

Stop being mr sensitive.

I know its not easy. I know you like her. Fine.

You need to find some dignity and stop worrying about her. I know that sounds harsh but I'm saying to to make YOUR life better, with or without her.

Don't reassure her all the time. Don't walk around on your tiptoes. Don't be mean, but don't go out of your way to make her life comfortable at your expense. Are you trying to make her happy or you happy? Sometimes they are not the same things.

Not easy, I know. Still you need to toughen up a bit and stop cushioning the impact of her feeling what its like without you.

She might not come back. She might. In the meantime you need to make yourself (not her, not the relationship) the priority.

D@MN dats some good advice, see I get better every time though

Listen to kp here man.
Don't be this guy you are being. She will walk all over you.
At this stage you don't need her. You have other things to do. Other people to see, other places to go. Bigger fish to fry.
Don't act like this girl girlfriend. Telling her to do what's best for emotionally blah blah.
Let her deal with herself. You look after you.
Don't contact her. And you know what. I wouldn't be in such a rush to answer her calls either. Its not playing games but she asked for space so give it to her. Because right now whether you think it or not you need some space to evaluate this as well. Look after you for a while and as kp said make you the priority! Not her!

No contact is for you to make time for yourself and to see how you have been putting all your eggs in her basket instead of investing in yourself. She is happy you backed off because as you've shown here you can be pushy and clingy and that can't be fun for her. I think she wants to relax and have fun and enjoy with out you holding on so tight because you don't have any one else. Only you can change that scenerio, not her, or us, only you. Get busy with yourself dude.

Going forward... remember - Less is More.

It's spounds like you do not need to completely shut her out of your life... jus tbe busy doing other things. Do you play a sport or workout?? I'd start working out - get in great shape - long work outs clear your mind.

That's true, I have learned more about myself and my relationship through this. Today I don't have to work, so I'm going to the studio to clear my mind, get my thoughts on wax.
Thanks keep the feedback coming

Listen to kp here man.
Dont be this guy you are being. she will walk all over you.
At this stage you dont need her. You have other things to do. Other people to see, other places to go. Bigger fish to fry.
Dont act like this girl girlfriend. telling her to do whats best for emotionally blah blah.
Let her deal with herself. You look after you.
Dont contact her. And you know what. i wouldnt be in such a rush to answer her calls either. its not playing games but she asked for space so give it to her. Because right now whether you think it or not you need some space to evaluate this as well. Look after you for a while and as kp said make you the priority! Not her!

Wow, love it Skell, yeah you nailed it.

I'm a girl and even I know you're being a little bit of a door mat right now. Don't. Nothing wrong with being nice and gentlemanly, but set your limits. Get busy with your own stuff. Write some more songs, I want to see your name on Billboard Magazine because you threw everything you had into your career (after you've done your homework of course, school comes first!) and gave this your all. Yeah, things are easier said than done, so what, does that mean you don't do it? Brushing your teeth is easier said than done but if you don't, you won't be rapping for long...

Your world will not crumble if you give each other space, it will grow.

You take the lead back - you see her whne YOU feel like it. You get your power back.

Hey Guys, she wants to come over tomorrow, what should I do

I don't mind, but maybe its too early, feedback needed

Well... you don't need to play mind games... but don't let the day be about her. If you want to have her come over, fine. Still, you should make her do some work. This is about getting some control back. Again, I don't believe in mind games, but I think the more you can be in control, the better for you.

And if you are ticked off enough that you don't know what to do, then why not tell her not tomorrow... that you are busy, and maybe the next day. Again, if you are pi$$ed about all this noise, and I think you are some, as she's playing with you in the "i want some space but i want you to be available when I want you" game... then make her wait. Up to you.

She wants to come over and you are OK with it? Fine I guess. But tell her when, don't ask her when she wants to come. Have something to do after. Make her stick to your schedule. Don't try to make it all about making her happy.

The best relationships are when two independednt people choose to be together anyway. Not when two clingy people wrap themselves around each other so much that you can't tell one from the next.

Most of my life IS wrapped around my wife and my marriage. But I have a marriage, a son, a daughter, and a different level of relationship. I have a life outside my marriage, but my relationship is just a different thing. And we really do function as two independent people who choose to be together and aim for the same goals. Right now, her goals are not necessarily to make you happy.

You are not married. Not engaged. And at this point, almost not dating, per her request. Again... if she wants back in, she needs to mean it and show it.

Anything less, and you are fooling yourself. And for some that's enough. I mean really... if you are not going to go out and get married soon then fooling around and making some mistakes isn't as big a deal.

But the biggest lesson here is to make yourself your priority... especially when she's is clearly making herself her priority.

So see her if you want. But stay in control.

If you really don't want to see her, then fine... find an excuse to be busy and let her stew over it.

She wants to see me because she believes that I want to see her, I kind of do, but don't want to show, I'm making myself number 1, and I want to see her, but I'm not trying to give her control, what do I do

Ok well, when she called for like the 5th time and I finally was here to talk to her, I brought up all the questions. I asked if they're was somebody else, and she hesitated, she said no, but very weirdly, so she says she's coming over tomorrow after work, and she says we can talk about the rest (I never spent the night, didn't want to) if she is messing with someone else, than as much as we went through,I'm going to end it. Because once a cheater, how do you trust them again right? Right, at least to me. And that's all I'm worried about, me, so if she come out and tells me the truth, than its over, and she'll realize the hard way that she's truly... Missing Out.

Plus she has this mind game going, then sneaking around too? I hope that's not true.

Well sounds like a lousy night in front of you.

Again, best you can do is simply be there for you and you only.

If she's got excuses for running around, you really don't need to listen to that in order to make her feel better. If she tells you she's crapped on you, then be done with it and let her know it.

Again, your job isn't to make her feel better. Its to make yourself feel better. And if what she has to say pi$$es you off, well then toss her out the door.

If what she has to say is that she's sorry about all the confusion, then you need to let her know you are pi$$ed and you deserve better than that and you hope she's up to it.

Good luck. Hope she's not playing you. If she is, well you know its time to let her screw up on her own without you.

You're 16 and she's 17 and you spend the night with each other? Your parents actually condone this? Add to that the fact that she was in an abusive relationship already in 8th grade. I hate to say it but you're dealing with an emotional time bomb here. I'd give her the space she wants, certainly don't go over to her house even if she asks and think long and hard about whether this relationship has any real potential here. Unless she's an exceptionally strong person it doesn't sound good to me, at least not until she gets some extensive therapy.

[QUOTE=Gillion]You are being arrogant right there by assuming she is going to **** up her life and make the mistake of "finding something new but not better"

Gillion, did you read the original post? Did you "read between the lines?" I absolutely agree that she's going to majorly screw up her life. I do agree with the rest of your response that he does indeed have to back off. But there's also a lot of red flags here that he has to be wise to or else he'll end up screwing up his own life as well.

She is strong, I was with her today, she came over before I even woke up "hi bay" cheesy face, smiling, I on the other hand, was not smiling, "dis sum bull****" (grouchy wakeup) I continued "we need to talk" so after we were on the bus, we were downtown, and I broke it down, told her all the sh!t she do that I don't like, I told her "listen, im doin my part for this realtionship, u need to meet me somewhere, i aint gonna continue doin this **** alone, u the one that need time apart but while time is taken, still respect me" BAM I lays it down

I Have No Reason To Think This, But I Have A Feeling She's Interested In Someone Else,Are They're Any Signs To Show That?

You've expressed how you feel now back off and put the rest of your life in balance. Whether there is someone else is her business, so to stop the games and the obsession on your part, work on you and see what happens. Reread the answers you've been given and stop worrying about her and focus on you. No contact, she may call or she may move on. No waiting by the phone either. Dude get a life without her. I really think the path your on will drive her away.

True, I was in the studio all day yesterday, it was a good way to get my mind off her, I'm going to work today and after I might go back

I think if you think she is cheating and the way she answered when you asked her if she was cheating, then she is cheating.
And you said that if she is cheating then you will end it. But will you??

Regardless, this girl is playing games. She askes for space but then wants to come over and you spend time together. What??
Get rid of her. Leave her. Go. She will continue to play game and I have a feeling you are going to continue to let her play with you.

If you do, you are in for a world of emotional hurt. We see it all the time. Guy / girl keeps letting their partner manipulate and play with them but never stands up for themselves and leaves.

You really have to look deep within yourslef and ask whether it is in your best interests to continue to go along with this girl.

Its hard for me, looking in from the outside, to suggest that there is much worth pursuing with this girl.

Just my opinion though!

Thanks Skell

You've expressed how you feel now back off and put the rest of your life in balance. Whether or not there is someone else is her business, so to stop the games and the obsession on your part, work on you and see what happens. Reread the answers you've been given and stop worrying about her and focus on you. No contact, she may call or she may move on. No waiting by the phone either. Dude get a life without her. I really think the path your on will drive her away.

No problems.
Now read and re-read this great advice above from Tal!
This is what you need to do now!

No Contact, I'm just going to move on, if she calls, she calls, if she leaves she leaves, if she decides to stop this, than we have to have a serious talk because I'm not going to go through it again

Hey, someone check out what I've been working on, www.myspace.com/damovements and www/myspace.com/youngkidfromdamovement
Spare time music. Sounds good let me know what you think

--------------------------------------------------------------------------Life Goes On

If you are serious about moving on then if she calls don't answer. She will just tell you what you want to hear and you'll believe her.
You will go through it again. No doubt! See it all the time.
She has no reason to change. You prove to her that you will tolerate her behavior bny continuing to accept her games!

Good luck!
Ill check out your site!

she wants to see me because she believes that i want to see her, i kind of do, but dont want to show, im making myself number 1, and i want to see her, but im not trying to give her control, what do i do

If you have thoughts like that then YOU are not ready to see her.

Everything is going aight, but I want to make sure, so I told her take some more time, I'm busy in the booth

Good - be busy with the booth more - her less. Important.

Everything is goin aight, but i wanna make sure, so i told her take some more time, im busy in the booth

Remember this time is for you to redefine and refine yourself.

To assert you identity for your own bloody survival.

You are not concerned about asserting anything to her, only yourself.

It is easy to become adsorbed into another persons' world at the destruction of your own, instead of developing interdependence between the two.

Guys, I don't know how long I can keep this up, depression and confusion aren't two of my friends, and they're killing me softly, I want this to be how it used to be, and it sucks that it won't, don't get me wrong I'm no soft guy, but what I went through to be with her, and all we've been through in this time, then this, it hurts, a lot. I don't know, but I don't want to push her away, even though I am, I just want things to be... how they were

Write some songs. Do anything you can to try and take your mind off her. It is hard and I can feel your pain but you are only looking foranswers that aren't there or that you won't like the answer to once you get them.

Just do what you have done now. Vent here. Don't call her. It will hurt too much and you won't get what your after. Trust me. We all know!
You need to look after you right now!

Guys, i dont know how long i can keep this up, depression and confusion arent two of my friends, and theyre killing me softly, i want this to be how it used to be, and it sucks that it wont, dont get me wrong im no soft guy, but what i went thru to be with her, and all weve been thru in this time, then this, it hurts, alot. I dont know, but i dont wanna push her away, even though i am, i just want things to be....how they were

Dude... it is not killing you softly. Your only going through withdrawl symptoms like any junkie. You need detox. Stick with the program.

Thanks Gillion

So everything seems to be all right, but I'm still doing my thing, how long do I do this before I go out sumwhere with her, she keeps asking me if I'm up for dinner next Friday, what do I do?

Oh, sorry, you've got plans Friday, how about lunch on Sunday, but just a quickie lunch cause you're a busy guy... remember, you control the sitch for a while, don't be so available.

Niice

She Broke Up With Me

Im sorry.

Why?
What where her reasons?

I still think you were too available to her after she said all this - way too available. Even still talking.

Do not contact her at all. Nothing. For like 2 months. Nothing. No attention.

You need to learn not to be her lap dog and always be there for.

I think you still need to learn to be busy. The last week or so you should have left her alone - believe me - yet you kept in contact with her.

I Did stay busy, I made like 20 songs during this whole time, and on top of that we were working on the group CD, I didn't talk to her since like the 27th, she called me yesterday and told me about her and her mom arguing, about OUR relationship, her mom was tryna tell her how she's doing me wrong, and so she got mad and stuff, but she spoke to me later, told me that we had to talk, she said that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings by having this break, so its best we break up, and she wants to be single for a while. *** Happened? No Contact, No Result

It wasn't long enough - you shouldn't have talked to her yesterday. 1 week is nothing. I was talking MONTHS. Months.

I Did stay busy, i made like 20 songs during this whole time, and on top of that we were working on the group CD, i didnt talk to her since like the 27th, she called me yesterday and told me bout her and her mom arguing, about OUR relationship, her mom was tryna tell her how she's doin me wrong, and so she got mad and stuff, but she spoke to me later, told me that we had to talk, she said that she doesnt want to hurt my feelings by having this break, so its best we break up, and she wants to be single for a while. *** Happened? No Contact, No Result

Take these words with a grain of salt.

The pain you would have felt from this break up would have been much worse if you did not spend some time for yourself.

You reasserted your own identity on your mind.

Her mother did not help your cause really... she only made it worse. When it comes to romance women dispise pressure. They hate to be made to feel like a b-i-t-c-h especially if they are really not being one.

Continue on the path, it is necessary for your survival as a man.

Think of it this way... a Woman is the icning on the cake of life. They are NOT the cake itself. The same applies on the reverse.

"she only made it worse. When it comes to romance women dispise pressure." - 1000% true.

Good stuf Gillion.

He needs to stay away from her for a long time. Learn about life. She may come back - she may not. But, right now she won't.

Okay first, Do you really think it's a good idea for you to, to spend the night together? A little young don't you think. But I think the bast thing to do is if she needs space give it to her, Im 20 and married and my mom always told me if its meant to be it will be, if its mean for you to be with her then you will let god direct you life and things will always work out...

Pimpin I'm past that issue but thanks for the comment Mrs King, its just that, I don't think she shouldve made a decision right now, she had a bunch of emotional fog in her environment, and she acted to quick, she should have slowwed down like I was letting her, and gave herself time to figure things out, you can't judge a year and change off a week, you know? It was a premature decision I think.

Sometimes us girls can be weird and it might not be that she doesn't want o be with you maybe something in her life isn't going right and she just wants to be alone. And maybe she can't tell anyone or she might just simply need some space. We females are complex and do things that don't make since to guys sometimes other girls you just got to go with the flow and kick it with somebody else for a while and if she still wants you holla back. I can make some one love, and I'm not saying you are, but just a thought... you seem cool the will be someone else..

This changes nothing. Maybe you think that you had no contact and still this happened.. wrong, you had contact. You made yourself available, maybe not as available as before, but you still did. Doormat.

This changes nothing. Most likely this was a rash decision on her part. She will later come to realize that, IF, you let her. No contact. Let her think and stew. No emails, text, calls, letters, nothing. She needs to respect your space now.

So stay away from her?

Yep - listen to Mom. Leave her alone.

Date, date, date

IF she happens to come back to you - do NOT jump in right away.

I don't think I got to worry about me coming back, I don't think she'll come back after all that lol

i dont think i gotta worry bout me comin back, i dont think she'll come back after all that lol

To be honest dude. You letting your ego ride you. Stop reving your mind so much and take your foot off the gas.

Time Out!! Its deffinatly over. She was seeing this dude behind my back, grown @$$ man 21 years old, when she used to "go to her gramma house" her gramma was letting the man come there. Tell me that's isn't sum F^(k sh1t

Still changes nothing. You keep busy, move on, live your life. She's no longer trustworthy. Why waste your time worrying or feeling bad about someone like that?? You've learned a painful lesson, your intuition was trying to tell you something but you didn't want to listen.

Just cause she's with him now, may not mean that she won't try and come back. Usually, a 21 year old guy is only after one thing with a much younger girl like that. He'll probably treat her badly after getting what he wants and then she'll remember what she had. Let her miss it and feel the regret.

Sorry it turned out this way but I know you will be okay, you're too smart not too.

Wow, for being so young, this is a sucky feeling. I wouldn't never thought...

It is a sucky feeling because you're more considerate than she was. You cared more. The one who cares the least has the most power.

wow, for being so young, this is a sucky feeling. I wouldnt never thought...
Same thing I said when my g/f dumped me after high school... ah never mind how long ago it was, I still can feel it. Like mom says though you probably had a feeling and many here did too, because the pattern is always the same. Sorry that it feels so rough but we all go through it at some time or other. The advice is still the same, and you have to adjust to life without her. But the cool thing is and maybe you can't see it yet, you will be stronger and more self reliant for this experience. Down the road some good woman will have a good MAN.

Tal is so right. This expereince will make you such a better person. But you have to let it. You have to learn from it. Think about what happened and how you could imrpove things for yourself now.

But yes, it sucks. It sucks big time. I no the pain mate. Feel it still Not like you are right now, but I did. And so did everyone else here. But it will get better. I promise you that!

Probably one of many. Many gals for you. Learning experience unfortunately - hell I learn new stuff evey day about this stuff.

Hey you sometimes in life the hardest things in life are the ones that will teach you a lesson and you may not want to accept it but one way or the other you are going to change you won't trust the next girl so quickly and you'll pay attention to things closer and there is nothing wrong with feeling this way I don't know to many people who have never felt that way. And you know what when she does come back yes its your choice to take her back but don't make it easy for her that's what she will want you to just say OK like nothing ever happen. If that time comes and you haven't met someone else then just take your time. Anyway you could probably meet someone else and that be the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with and think if she comes back you might miss the other person. So don't take what happen as totally a bad thing it might have been a blessing.

She keeps calling, she never told me about the other guy, I found out, by one of her friends, and all week she's been tryna call me, and I've been avoiing her, rushing off the phone etc. But last night we spoke for the 1st time in a while. I was ignoring her, and she played a song, she said it reminded her of us, and so we spoke, she was playing songs in the backround of a cd I gave her in trhe summer. So we bring up old things from the past, laughing, and so she plays the song that was playing during our 1st kiss, and out of nowhere asks "Kid, If i cheated on you what would you say?" I said "What can i say? its over right? I'd have to ask why" "why you asking that? you cheated?" she replied "No". Why is she still calling me?

This sucks. And that guy that was going to her grandmas house, is ug. What can he give her that I couldn't? I'm sorry, but girkls are dumb.

This sucks. And that guy that was going to her grandmas house, is ug. what can he give her that i couldnt? I'm sorry, but girkls are dumb.

I could have sworn we told you to not let your ego get in the way and not to think negative things ?

Is that difficult for you to do ?

Does it make you feel better to think like this ?

Grow up.

I have to agree with Gillion, what good is it doing you to dwell on who she is seeing or what she does. Stop taking her phone calls and since she says she didn't cheat okay fine. Sounds like the soft soap is to keep YOU interested. Forget the games and get back on track about YOU and what your doing.

You can bet if this other guy gets the boot she will really be calling. Or she may want you both. Either way NO CONTACT> And find something else to think about.

I have no caller id, they give me the phone I ignore her, she keeps calling I ignore her, for some reason last night we spoke because I told her had to go, and she gave me a "WAIT! Lemme talk to you about something"
What da hell. Isn't u the same girl that broke? Why she still calling, I let her know I didn't want to be "just friends"

Please keep your cool and do not get frustrated or confused.

Deal with this, with poise, and a clear mind.

Make sure you get rid of any vindictive, vengeful, hurt-baby, feelings.