I have worked at the same place for 25 years. All this time in the same position. After all that time, there has only been 2 people that I have found it really difficult to work with. But recently someone new is in our "division." I didn't want here there because I knew she was really chummy with the boss. I made the HORRIBLE mistake of voicing my opinion to some of the other people in our division. It got back to one of the first line supervisors, and ended up with the boss. (He was only my boss for about 6 months--we change Department Heads every few years.) He was irate. I have good reason not to care for this person because of rumors she spread about my daughter that were not true.
Then I was given a new duty that usually the new person's position would do. Quite time consuming, but the boss decided that someone else should do this. I made another HORRIBLE mistake by voicing my opinion on that too--with the boss. He put me in my place and said I was going to do it. Period. Things have been going pretty well. I stay my distance from her because I know she is a trouble maker. Instigator. Gossiper. All of the above.
Something happened yesterday that really upset me. It was something other co-workers were saying that was disrespectful to the position of "Secretary." The new person asked me what was going on. I told her. She said that our boss would not like that AT ALL, and he should know. She said she would tell him so I didn't look like a tattle tale. BUT I think she changed the story all around to make it look like I was just whining over something and not that it was a valid complaint at all.--which it IS. I don't know how to repair this other than maybe just shut up for a change.

Obviously, you coworkers can not be trusted to not repeat what you say - therefore stop saying things that you don't want to be repeated.

It seems you have fallen into bad favor with your boss. For the time being, keep you head down, do your work, stop complaining and stop confiding in coworkers. If you do the right thing, your work will speak for itself and before long your boss will move on to someone else.

If bosses change that much, wait a while and you will have a new one.

At this point, you stop talking and know you can't trust others not to repeat. So you just go to work and do your job.

Well, that's pretty much what I thought I would have to do. The way this boss is, you can't go to him with ANYTHING it seems like... he always takes it the wrong way, and isn't consistent at all.

Yesterday mostly the "male" co-workers were angry because they were told they had to scan paperwork into the computer. The rest of the afternoon I would hear them say (loud enough for me to hear them, of course)

The things that were said that unrespectful to secretaries were things like this:

"Now that I'm having to do SECRETARIAL work, I don't have time for my REAL work. This is ridiculous!!"

I've been there 25 years, I'm not planning on going anywhere, but some days they are just such jerks!

I sympathize. I used to do more than my fair share of gossiping with coworkers, and I learned that nothing good comes of it, ever.
I found it colors the way people look at you, because they reason that if you gossip to them about others, you will gossip to others about them.
So I just don't do it anymore. I figure if something is so juicy I just have to tell someone, they will also find it juicy enough to have to tell someone else. It has made a big difference in my life. I just don't share my feelings about others at work with anyone. Maybe my dog. I try to keep a friendly relationship with my coworkers. It sounds pretty simple, but it goes a long way to making work life much better. And a funny thing I have found is if I keep my dislike to some individuals to myself, make an effort to be friendly to them as much as to anyone else, sometimes they end up being the folks I like the most.

Every 6 or 7 months, I go through something similar to this and it comes down to this (at least for me)... my co-workers are NOT my friends and don't treat me as such. So I just need to do my work and shut my mouth. What is frustrating is that when things happen that the boss really should know about and should CARE about, I can't tell him because he doesn't really care. He just wants smooth sailing all the time and that's not possible.

So the guys have to scan their own paperwork and they think someone else should do it.

Sounds to me like they are just engaging in the time-honored tradition of generic complaining, and if you make this into something more by running to tattle to the secretary or anyone else, you are just escalating matters that would resolve themselves on their own if you just kept out of it. I wouldn't expect to be thanked for this.

Well, I AM the secretary (Administrative Assistant technically, but really the Secretary)... The boss told them to start doing this scanning out of their folders. The one guy said very loudly "Now that I'm having to do SECRETARIAL work" to make sure that I heard it. That's why it was so disrespectful--to me. But I've learned here that Even if someone spits in your face, you are supposed to sit down and shut up and do your job. Of course there are the "golden boys" that can do anything. I'm just not a "golden girl." It's really sad the way so many people treat "support staff" so differently after all these years. Especially where I work, because I'm not only "support staff" but I'm also a civilian. Two strikes against me to begin with.

Let me tell you something honey. I know I'm young, only 22 years old, but I've had my share of bad co-workers and employees. I worked for Ginos for two years even became a general manager. I wasn't allowed to run my own store! I got paid min. wage being a general manager and got no bonus, no time off, and always had to re-do everyone else's paper work. I got sick of it. Even I had to work alone many times with no crew. My point is all this came to be because of one employee that got away with anything. My advice to you is don't say anything to anyone, set up your own plan traps. For ex. I knew, but was never told, to not let anyone in my register but they did it anyway. One day I let one open for me and left a 50 bill from the safe in the drawer knowing he was going to take it and I had the $50 to replace it. He took it and got caught and I talked to the owner about it and let him know what I did. They will eventually hang themselves, especially if you help along the way and if your boss is a good boss he wants employees he knows that can deal with problems and resolve them in a mature manner. There's the boss's approval, there's maybe a promotion, and you now have his respect for looking after his store and catching something he wasn't. Of course to the owner he'll take credit but you have your dignity.

Actually, I've been thinking on the same line as that. The female is very sneaky and smart. The one male I'm having trouble with is very vindictive, but usually gets over it. The guy is a detective. The boss told them to start scanning their own stuff (as I have said a couple of times)--sorry. He's the one that made that "secretarial" work remark.

I get dozens of calls a day from citizens wanting to know what is going on with their cases, can they drop charges, what happens next, have we found their property, etc. etc. etc. From now on I am going to immediately transfer those calls to detectives (that ONE especially when I can) and tell that I would answer those questions, but it's really detective work and I'm busy with my secretarial duties.

My boss used to get on to these guys right away, but has only been back here since June 2008 and is already letting things slip.

Thank you!

The biggest lesson I've learned is that bosses don't want to deal with pettiness and whatever issue you have with another person, regardless of who is wrong or right, is viewed as petty. The expectation is that everyone will act professionally, be respectful of one another and manage things properly.

If you are the one being disrespected, it's hard to accept that - you want and need the boss to step in and support you. But typically, they won't, and if you push them to, they will see you as a trouble maker.

The solution in my opinion is that you need to take all those years of stability and experience and go work somewhere else. You can probably make a leap in your income and responsibility, and though the job market is tight, people are hiring right now. I suggest you move on because they no longer are treating you respectfully - the cultural shift in the organization is not a good fit for you, and it's not you, so move on.

Oh, this is priceless. There was a new job market study done where I work. Because I told the TRUTH on the questionnaire, I was demoted. The other secretary lied and got a new title and pay grade.

I was actually DEMOTED and went down 3 pay grades. I am not going to lose my hourly salary, but because of the demotion, it puts me at the top of my pay grade (topped out) and I won't get anymore raises until or if it ever changes.

My boss and his boss don't seem to care. I don't think anyone has done anything to try to change it.

As far as going someplace else, I'd love to. But basically I'm a HS grad and I'm a whiz at data entry, organizing multiple databases, recalling information from years past, keeping the division in line, and dealing with the District Attorney's office and other government agencies every day. There is so much more to my job than typing and answering the phone. IF I tried to find a new job, I would probably start at half what I'm making now.
I'm older, overweight, I can't do a lot of computer things, and just not very marketable.

Hiya Beth. This is an interesting thread. I had to laugh at your last post (above). It is comical. You may already know this but just in case... please be careful with the transferring of calls and especially to that one JERK. It really stinks but if he or someone else catches on, he can make things miserable for you and it sounds like he may certainly try. I hate to hear when people go through things like this and have to put up with it. I remember one of Oprah's shows many years ago where she said that she'd like to see justice in the workplace. I have to tell you I have been waiting years to see or hear of someone getting what they deserve but I haven't yet. Actually, there are quite a few people. I doesn't ruin my days or take up my thoughts but this thread did indeed remind me. It does bother me. Keep us posted on what happens. I really hope something good for you happens and that someone else gets what they deserve for a change.
Buddyman made a GREAT point in one of the above posts but sometimes I've followed that rule and still got crapola. Not always though. For the most part he is right but when people have a problem with someone, whether it's jealousy or they're just a busy body, they're going to antagonize and make trouble no matter what you do. I hope this doesn't turn out to be the case with you.
Keep us posted.

Edit: Our posts juuuuust crossed.

Unbelievable. You answered TRUTHFULLY and got demoted?? I'm upset for you. I'm wondering what the question was and how & why you got demoted for it. From what I am gathering, maybe you don't want to say because it's a confidential position that you are in? Is there anyone there you can talk to in confidence or anyone that would back you up? How did this witch get away with lying?

I don't suppose this is a union job and not sure where you live. What stinks is that even where I live and where there is a labor board, they don't do too much unless it's a very strong argument. Something seems very wrong and unfair with what happened to you.

Well, you know... I am really at a loss. My boss doesn't care. The Assistant Chief doesn't care. No one has done anything to change this. If I went to HR myself, I would be in trouble for "going over" them. Even though the people who should be fighting for me obviously don't care.

It seems like the thing that separated the other secretary and me was about travel arrangements, etc. These were: Maintains assigned calendars, schedules meetings and appointments, books travel arrangements; registers staff for conferences and seminars. Plans and organizes meetings, workshops and other events. Posts meeting agendas, assembles meeting packets and materials.

I don't do any of those things. SHE doesn't have anything to do with travel arrangements, conferences, seminars, organizing meetings, workshops, etc. There is only one person in this entire department that does that, and that's the secretary for the Training Division.

When I got what was written up it said to add or delete things to make it describe your particular job. I took out all that. That was basically the only thing that was different from hers.

Yes, I've been here for 25 years only to be demoted and I'm "below" the pay grade that someone that has been here for about 8 years. My boss held up the self-description that I wrote (where I deleted those things) and said "THIS is what they based this on--the things that YOU wrote." In other words, it's all your fault, so quit complaining.

Beth, I apologize. I didn't realize that disagreeing with someone is the same as giving them a "negative rating". I disagreed with your reasons for not going somewhere else - perhaps your thoughts that you don't have enough education and the weight issue. I thought saying "disagree" just means you don't agree. Didn't know this racks up as some negative point thing... so again, my apologies!

Holy cow--I don't even know how to give a negative rating! Sorry! I have no idea what I did.

You didn't do anything wrong, I did. I wanted to give you more encouragement so disagreed with your view that you may not be able to do as well if you pursue a different job so I hit "disagree" and made a comment on your post. Then I found out later that people aren't supposed to hit "disagree" unless they really seriously think the person is totally, irredeamably wrong - they call them "reddies" I guess (because it shows up red, I supose).

Anyway, I don't know if the cyber fairy comes and takes your favorite cookies or what happens if you get too many "reddies", but whatever the consequence, I didn't mean to give you one and am sorry I did!

Yikes...

Oh, OK. I still don't understand, but... to address what I said about not being able to get a good job. The reason I say that (95% of why I say that) is because I don't have any confidence in myself.

You didn't do anything wrong, I did. I wanted to give you more encouragement so disagreed with your view that you may not be able to do as well if you pursue a different job so I hit "disagree" and made a comment on your post. Then I found out later that people aren't suposed to hit "disagree" unless they really seriously think the person is totally, irredeamably wrong - they call them "reddies" I guess (because it shows up red, I supose).

Anyway, I don't know if the cyber fairy comes and takes your favorite cookies or what happens if you get too many "reddies", but whatever the consequence, I didn't mean to give you one and am sorry I did!

Yikes...



I keep posting the rules of the site. Read them and your question will be answered.

Fr. Chuck sent me an explanation of reddies, thank you. Otherwise, I don't know where you are posting the rules you keep referring to, JudyKayTee...

Fr. Chuck sent me an explanation of reddies, thank you. Otherwise, I don't know where you are posting the rules you keep refering to, JudyKayTee...


They have been posted in at least two of my responses to you - proving (A) you don't read my responses (which is your prerogative); or (B) you don't read any of the follow-ups.

I am not going to research to find them. If you are interested, you can take care of that.

That fine. I don't find your criticisms are typically very helpful anyway - I find them kind of snide and curt and lacking in respect and courtesy. No offense, but you might give it some thought as the point of this site is support and help, not finding fault with others and trying to make them feel stupid and ignorant.

That fine. I don't find your criticisms are typically very helpful anyway - I find them kind of snide and curt and lacking in respect and courtesy. No offense, but you might give it some thought as the point of this site is support and help, not finding fault with others and trying to make them feel stupid and ignorant.


No offense here either but you have given some very bad legal advice (I find your advice, other than legal, to be questionable, but those aren't "my" territory), gone off on tangents which are not helpful, read info which is not posted into a post and responded to it and been generally disruptive.

That support and help - on the threads which are not discussion threads - is supposed to be correct.

As far as respect and courtesy - people earn both. You started with reddies, totally uncalled for, for me and other people and now you are looking for respect? Again - it's earned.

I don't think I'm curt - I do think I'm to the point. Sorry of my bluntness offends you. If you're going to work in the legal profession you're going to have to grow thicker skin because most Attorneys and law firms don't put up with whining about unfair treatment and also don't have much tolerance for people who don't read/follow the rules.

That fine. I don't find your criticisms are typically very helpful anyway - I find them kind of snide and curt and lacking in respect and courtesy. No offense, but you might give it some thought as the point of this site is support and help, not finding fault with others and trying to make them feel stupid and ignorant.

I don't know how you managed to miss the umpteen times that Judy provided you a link to the site rules for the rating system.. In fact, on one particular thread, she provided you with the link to the rules, only to have you disagree with her improperly on the same post.

I don't know if you just don't want to read the rules, or can't understand them... you say now that Fr_Chuck explained them to you, when you were already pointed in the right direction... I really am at a loss.

Other than misunderstanding the purpose of reddies, I've had very little negative feedback. That was a mistake, which I've explained to you enough that someone like yourself who is all knowing and superior to the rest of us should be able to get off it.

If you don't like my posts, don't read them.

Other than misunderstanding the purpose of reddies, I've had very little negative feedback. That was a mistake, which I've explained to you enough that someone like yourself who is all knowing and superior to the rest of us should be able to get off of it.

If you don't like my posts, don't read them.

1) Never once said, or even implied, that I was superior and/or all-knowing. I DO, however, know how to click a link, read rules and guidelines as they are posted, and then choose to abide by those same site rules.

2) Public forum. Please don't start with the childish "If you don't like me, then ignore me" stuff. I can read what I want, when I want. And if you're wrong, you'll be called out on it.

dontknownuthin agrees: I won't push disagree - God forbid. I made an error, I've apologized, she's still criticizing me and in this case, got on my case for apologizing for making the error she was on my case for before. Does it end?

Sorry, telling people that they're rude, curt and lacking in respect and courtesy is NOT an apology... not sure how you even were able to put that one together.

Edit: It never ceases to amaze me - someone posts something incorrect on the Law forum, gets called on it; rather than posting in other forums where opinion is much more acceptable, they continue to argue with other people about what's wrong and right.

Sorry, telling people that they're rude, curt and lacking in respect and courtesy is NOT an apology....not sure how you even were able to put that one together.



"She" is not the only one who got reddied; "she" is not the only one who got an apology; "she" is not the only one who complained.

Now if we could only find out who "she" is.

And, like you, I'll read what I want, where I want, and respond in kind.

I'm getting more and more curious about this "Masters Degree" program with accents on dealing with staff, people in general.

Your post wasn't up yet when I wrote my reply... I was referring not to you but to JudyKayTee. Sorry that the timing of the posts coming up made it appear I meant you - I certainly did not.

I had already acknowledged and apologized for my error with the "disagree" feature to JudyKayTee, had told her I won't post on the legal area any more, and have been complimentary at other times to her but she seems to just look up everything I post anywhere on this website and always appears to have a negative thing to say, often with a disrespectful tone, so yeah, I lost patience with her... not to drag you into it, too.

And while I'm not too dumb to follow a link, either, I do have a lot going on as we all do, and I didn't do it... sorry again. And again, my intention in being part of this website is to help and be supportive. Hard to do when I feel attacked.

Hard to do when I feel attacked.

So then you know how it feels when people, who have been posting on this board for years, kindly ask you to follow the rules, only to have you choose not to do so... apparently, because you're busy. We're all busy - a majority of members post in their free time and do it so that they can assist someone, somewhere.

I joined to ask a question; I stayed because I have something to share.

Sorry if you feel attacked, but we feel the same way.

EDIT: I don't know how you missed my post; I posted at 3:34 and your post, which you say was addressed to Judy, was posted 9 minutes later..

It's not unusual to do an MBA with a specialty focus, mine is in paralegal work. Check with a local university and you will find there are a lot of people who target their degree in a particular field or industry. In any event, I'm not posing as a legal expert. I brought up my area of study in unrelated strings, not as some kind of qualification as a legal expert. My comments about family law were based on my former experience as an adoptive parent and a custodial parent, and as an advocate for other adoptive parents - not as an attorney.

Let's bury the hatchet and move on, shall we?

I would love to, although I'll admit that I'm thoroughly confused about why you're bringing up your "MBA with a specialty focus"..

I missed your post because I was writing mine, was interupted, then finished mine without seeing what was posted in the interim. I joined for the same reason and have no issue whatsoever with you, this. And at this point, I don't have an issue with judy either... we've all said our peace, and I think we can move forward. I had no idea that in posting on a website that I was making this huge commitment to know all these rules - I would guess a lot of people don't. I just thought disagree meant disagree. I thought a forum about a legal topic was to have a discussion, not such a narrow focus on specific and reliable legal advice. My bad, sorry... let's move on.

This, I brought up my MBA in response to JudyKayTee's comment that she's getting "more curious" about my course of study.

She has at various times she's questioned my educational path - three times this week alone. She questioned if it's possible to do graduate coursework in paralegal studies, which it is. And why anyone would want to do that instead of law school, for which the reasons are as unique as the individual. On this string she is questioning my course of study for a third time, saying she's becoming more and more "curious" about it.

I can't speak for everywhere but in the Chicago area, there are four different types of paralegal programs available. One is an associates degree, typically through a community college. Another is a bachelors degree, offered by a limited number of universities including Roosevelt. People who already have a bachelors degree in another area of study can get a certificate, which is a graduate program - not a graduate degree program but a graduate certificate program. And, if you have a bachelors, you have the option of pursuing an MBA, and some schools permit a focus in a particular profession or industry, which I have elected to do. Like most programs, there are core requirements and there are electives and there is a final project. Electives and the final project focus on the chosen specialty area of study.

Anyway, I didn't make it up and just wanted to make that clear given the insinuations.

Thanks again.

Because this has long ago stopped answering the OP's questions and has turned into "he said/she said/she hurt my feelings" it is time to close.

>Thread Closed<