My boyfriend and I had just gotten back together, we did the usual couple stuff everything seemed pretty back to normal. We are always breaking up it seems but when he comes back there I am. So he is real anal when it comes to his car, its always spotless and he washes it a lot!! One morning I stayed over at his place, he woke up early to take his daughters to school and then for a quick workout at the gym. all the will I slept until he got back. We got ready to go have breakfast as we walked toward his car quickly notice speckles of dirt/mud over the front of his car which is a bit weird. I made a comment about it, he says "maybe it rained." Another car in driveway which is black was spotless hadn't been used since I'd been there so rain was definitely out of the question. I didn't make a big deal or jump to conclusions. I got into the car buckled up and noticed a blonde short strand of hair, my hair is black med. Length. I brought it to his attention and says he hadn't had anyone else in the car and that maybe one of his daughters accidentally had it on them, their jacket, or something however again his daughters both being twins have long thick black hair no blonde. Needless, to say the day got worse when he all of a sudden had to go to work, he works for the oil field. He went off to work at 10we spoke to him briefly on the phone because he going to rest since he had been up all day. I left it as is and fell asleep and left for work early the next morning, he called at about 11am and the first question was "where are you?" not "how?" so I told him. Later, we got into a really heated argument at his place over something stupid he got back from work and smelled like beer he said horrible things to me, told me to leave, and made a scene in front of his mom. I of course was crying and asked him to calm down but he took it one step further by grabbing my neck and pushed me down to the floor with forceful anger. I left his house got home blocked his number and haven't spoken to him in a week, he has called a number of times but I don't pick up. He called today and I answered thinking it might be work I heard him say "hey," but his tone was so normal as though nothing had happened I made noise of disgust which he heard and I hung up on him. He called 12 times after that and I didn't answer then he stopped calling, it made me feel worse because it was valentines day and wanted to badly celebrate it with him. I make it so easy for him every time we breakup I take him back easily because before this he would play the blame card of course it was all on me and I ate it up every time. So I guess my question is what do? I love him so much he was my "one." I figure if I stay completely away he will eventually realize what he had and what mistakes he has made, that he might change. I need a guys mind right now because I don't know how to treat this problem. Please help.

You've already done the first step and blocked his home number. Next step, I would highly recommend getting your number changed and dump his butt for good!

There is absolutely ZERO excuse when anyone in the relationship physically abuses their partner. This guy is BAD news and you need to get out of there yesterday!

Say if you do get back with him, who's to say he won't do something worse to you?

Why would you even think twice about being with this man, he physically abuses you. No one should ever stay in a situation, that is like that. Get away from him!

Your out, so stay out!

You should not even be entertaining the thought of going back to someone who has abused you and is probably cheating.
There are red flags waving all over the place. Re read your question. Leave this creep alone.

I went out with my boyfriend last night, the night ended up being a horrible one. My boyfriend is the jealous type so I avoid any situation that will avoid him getting mad. Well, I had seen an old family friend who I'd grown up with not to mention his sister was my very best friend. I ignored him to avoid a fight with my boyfriend for I knew he would blow everything out of proportion. Well, I went to the restroom for a quick break and when I returned my childhood friend had gone up to my boyfriend and told him: "so your the one that ended up her? " Instead of denying anything I said I knew him but he still got upset. I tried to introduce my boyfriend to my old friend but he ignored me in turn because my boyfriend says that it must have been more than that. Me and this old friend hadn't seen each other in a long time and its never been more than that. I know this friend asked my boyfriend that because he was surprised to see that this was the guy who ended up with me, it was no more than surprise for my friend. I tried explaining this to my boyfriend but in his eyes I was a liar for whatever reason he chose to jump to conclusions and up broke up. My question is did I do something wrong, I don't feel like I did but I need some helpful advice about this whole issue.

It sounds like your boyfriend is insecure and gets jealous really easy. This is NOT your fault, this is his fault for letting it get to him. Did you go up to this guy and give him a hug and make-out with him? No, you didn't. You shouldn't have to walk on pins and needles every time you go out and a member of the opposite sex interacts with you.

While you could made the situation easier by having just gone up to your old childhood friend and introduced him to begin with, your boyfriend just needs to grow up and get over his jealousy. If he can't, then this is something you have to be prepared to live with as long as you two are together - but this is something that you should definitely talk to him about because I only see this getting worse down the road.

It isn't YOUR job to make him not jealous. It is HIS job to not be jealous.

Had to spread the Rep. UnluckyDucky is 100% correct. Well said!

No it's not your fault. You need to tell your insecure BF that if he's going to act in this manner then maybe the 2 of you aren't for each other , because you shouldn't have to avoid friends just because he has a problem.

Trust is one of the most important things in any relationship.

I'm sure your not willing to put up with that forever!!

Not your fault, if he wants to act like an immature baby, let him go be alone and be one

I am sad for you that you have to forfeit going out places because you are afraid of your boyfriends reaction. I am not sure why you deal with this. You didn't specify the length of this relationship, or if he has become physical during your fights. It sounds like you are scared of him, why would you want to be scared of someone you love and trust? Im sure you've tried talking to him but he doesn't change his behavior. Don't just talk to him, TELL him you do not deserve to be mistrusted. The previous posts were correct, he is insecure and this kind of jealousy eventually escalates into other kinds of controlling, dominant behavior. Stand up for yourself now, or get out

Your boyfriend sounds like a douche bag. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshels because he's an insecure little boy. He needs to grow up and you need to stop feeding his insecurities

Girl, please it is so not your fault he is overly jealous. You should be able to talk to who you want to with out his permission. A child hood friend should not have been a problem at all. You tried to explain he was just to stubborn to listen

No, you did not do anything wrong. Your boyfriend should trust you. If he asked you back, tell him that you can't unless he changed.

Not your fault. Cut this guy loose, or tell him he better shape up his act. If he cares about you, he will. If he doesn't, then you're better off without him, right?

I have never been an ugly girl and grew up with girls not liking me and mostly getting along well with guys. There are guys I shot down because for whatever reason I just wasn't interested so some have lied about dating me. The girls on the other hand usually hated me because a guy they liked or a boyfriend they had liked me, however I never pursued any of them. I ended up with a guy that everyone said I was to good for but I fell for him. I never cared what people said or the rumors I heard about him because I knew first hand what it felt like to be talked about. But when it came to my boyfriend (who is now my ex) he seemed to believe things that supposedly people would say about me. I know who I am and what I have done for the most part I'm a nice person, who has never slept around yet when he would become upset he'd name call, saying hurtful things like slut, easy, and anything in common with these two words. I feel that maybe he did this or believed it so he wouldn't feel guilty for cheating, treating me badly, or not showing me enough attention. So, is he believing these things to have an excuse or not? I'm just trying to understand why he did this

When men verbally abuse women slut and whore are the two most common words.He was just trying to get to you and I wouldn't give it a second thought.You know who you are ,don't let some verbally abusive guy make you doubt yourself!

You don't need to understand why he said what he said. And you will probarly never no why. The important part is that you are not with this loser anymore. Good ridence to bad rubbish I say! Never be with a man who verbally abuses you to feed his little ego.

He did it because he is an immature, easily influenced, insecure excuse of a man.

He isn't in your league.

You ever heard of the saying that misery loves company? Well this guy was miserable and wanted to make your life miserable and lower yourself esteem in the process. Stay away from guys like this in the future.

Not sure how to act, I have rencently separated from my boyfriend. I am very upset with him and decided no contact. Every time we breakup I go running back out of stupidity, falling for false words and hope. It seems he is only calls and verbally tells me he misses me and loves me when he has had drinks. I become extremely upset because he can never say things when he is sober. It seemed to me from the conversation that he was mocking the fact that I. Love him. He said, "tell me you love me. " In an almost condesending tone. I asked why he is so lovey dovey when drunk of course I got no answer, not sure what my reaction should have been I feel as though he enjoys hurting me and twisting the knife of love deeper into my heart? He knows I love him and I think he uses that against me, help someone!! What to do

i have to say to "unouwanit," RUN!! if you do stay, please, please get help. in a utopian world, he'd get help also, and maybe some meds. but it will be costly, both monetarily and emotionally, unless you have a good county hospital. you can only control what YOU do and how YOU react to others, and perhaps lead by example. Good luck and may you both find peace.

Listen to the song "Last Call" it's a country song but it's about a guy only calling this girl when he is drunk and needs something.

"Last Call" (Click Me) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBGZrljOm-Y)

Like Rome said, listen to this song... it is perfect for your situation... perhaps, you guys have had your "Last Call"

:cool:

The only time he expresses his love is when he is drunk? You don't need to take this,
You said you go back out of stupidity, well stop. If you know something is no good for you, then leave it alone!

Change your number, the less you hear from your ex the better. The more you talk to him the less chance you have of moving on.

Ending a relationship especially when you're in love with the person is probably the hardest thing most of us will have to do because it SEEMS as though were both hurting, and getting hurt. Usually I'd say try and work it out but in this situation, its not healthy for you to be in this relationship. For your own sake and sanity end it now before it gets worse, no matter how hard it is. I know it won't be easy but you'll only hurt worse if you keep up this charade. And Don't go back. Once its cut, leave it, don't go back. NC for a while, do NOT rebound but try and go out a little bit with friends and people you know care about you. You deserve to be happy and I know you can find it if you're just patient...
Hope that helps and remember, you always have people that you can turn to for help to get you through this.

If you stayed No Contact this wouldn't happen , stop allowing yourself to listen to his drunken BS.

I agree with everyone that has posted.

Stay away this guy is emotionally abusing you.

He doesn't care. Your being really into the relationship cannot make up for this, it never will.. and you'll just keep going around and around in circles.

It seems he is only calls and verbally tells me he misses me and loves me when he has had drinks. I become extremely upset because he can never say things when he is sober.

You know he is a drunk, why even listen to him. Cut him from your life, and move on, by sticking to a strict diet of absolutely NO CONTACT!!!!

Otherwise your doing yourself a great deal of misery and pain.

I don't think that I know enough about the situation to conclude that "he doesn't care" but what he is doing is WRONG and I'm sure he wouldn't do it if he was sober.

Just don't answer his calls anymore. You are in a way, putting him in a place of power (regardless if he is aiming to hurt you or is just seeking validation that you still love him) by answering and letting him verbally walk over you.

Call him back when he's sober and address the issue. I personally would. I bet he's embarrassed and maybe he will stop. Talk with authority and state you won't answer anymore and if he has ANYTHING of VALUE to say, do it without the drink.

All that of course if he deserves it. Again, I don't want to be rash and think all of it is out of hate. I simply find that hard to believe. I think its more out of selfishness to hear that he is still adored because maybe he doesn't believe it now that he's single.

5 Threads merged for the whole story

My ex has tried contacting me on several occasions, however I swore no contact. I have found it hard but I am being strong and have done well. My cell phone is a bit messed up when it rings it doesn't show who's calling. I figured that when it rang at 12 in the afternoon it would be work but I was wrong. It was my ex and he asked why I hadn't been answering his call I began to tell him why but he cut me off and didn't let me finish. I was a bit frustrated because when we ended the call he says, "give me a call later or something or I'll call you, whatever.". I didn't say anything but bye and okay, I never called but he called me when I was in the shower so I called back out of being nice but he in turn didn't answer. I feel he is playing games and that he is only messing with me. In this relationship I was always the one that cared more. So I want to text and tell him how I feel but not sure if I should because I don't want to give him the upper had or the right to gloat which he is known to do. I don't know what to do? Should I text him or shouldn't real confused!! I want to express my anger about the games he plays but would that just show him, that he got under my skin?

Hi, Flavor_2000!

Has he also agreed that there is to be no contact?

Thanks!

Wow what a story. Either s**t or get off the pot, as you need to tell him to leave you alone, or play his games.

You have ignored all the suggestions you have been given, but continue to complain about this guy, so figure out if your going to go or stay, and stick to it, and no more excuses.

He ain't going to change!!

I'm going to quote your original post - and give you the reason why you should not even CONSIDER this man EVER again.

We see this a lot around here and have the SAME answer...

I of course was crying and asked him to calm down but he took it one step further by grabbing my neck and pushed me down to the floor with forceful anger.

NO man has ANY right to EVER hit a woman. Period.

Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. He has not exhibited true remorse for his action (grabbing you by the neck and forcing you down), therefore, he is not apologetic, nor does he even WANT to try and change.

All the other "stuff" is water under the bridge... or the proverbial nails in this relationship coffin.

He grabbed you by the neck and forced you down. He abused you physically and emotionally.

No. Do not contact him. Do not text him. Change your phone number.

This man is dangerous.

Hitting a woman is not something a man does, that simple.

Leave him alone unless you want to end up in the ground, which is what will happen. He doesn't care or want to change, that should be reason enough to just leave.

The answer here is simple. Don't text him, call him, or take his calls. Each time you engage with him, you keep this stupid little dance going. He's abusive and controlling. You will never, ever figure him out. Just stay away from him. Once you get some time and space away from him, you will begin to gain some perspective and recognize the insanity of the whole thing.

Threads merged yet again!!!

So from the last post I have been and still no contact with my ex. I'm proud of saying that I have been real strong about the whole breakup. What I never mentioned in the last post is that I share a child with him, but can explain as to why I never mentioned him in my last few questions. You see I spent my pregnancy alone and always crying. My ex would say that the baby wasn't his and that he wasn't the father. This of course was never the case but he would say it a lot to the point of bringing me to tears. So, through all the problems we have, he would go weeks even months without calling to ask about my son this goes especially for when he was not with me or even angry with me. So this final break up had me pretty sure that I would no longer speak to him, which I hadn't but he has called twice already but drunk. He left me voicemails saying he was only calling to ask about my son which is so messed up because both times he has been drunk. The last time he called I sent him a text saying "to leave my son alone that he was and has never been there for him so he was not his son." Out of anger for cheating on me while I took care of my son and for never calling to ask for him caused me to say this. He called and left a message saying that he knew the baby wasn't his and that that was all he wanted to hear. I feel that by me saying that my baby is not his son was a mistake and I feel bad, was I wrong to say this? My ex has done nothing for my son during pregnancy or after so I'm unsure about how I should feel. I basically just wanted him to stop calling and using my son as an excuse to call me, a father should not call to ask for his children when he is drunk if he truly cares, right?