I have been seeing this guy for 8moths . We were pretty steady. I really feel he loves me. He has been hurta lot by woman.. so he keeps saying he don't want any comiments yet I hear a lot of stories about him falling in love with his ex wife agai and hew had been seeing her for a while now. He quitt seeing me for 3 weeks said it wasn't me and I didn't do anything. Its him. Then fir he called me and came and stayed wit me all nigh. It was awsome. He held me so ice and was so so sweet. Really great. Yet he was with he all the next day?? He told his friend that he wwas falling for his ex. Then he called me lat night again. Very upset wouldn't tell e why but that he didn't want to hurt me. I fould out him and her had a fight. THIS IS KILLINGMY HEART!! I LOVE HIM.
HELP!!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?:(

He also told me how I was the only one he has slept with but is he lying??

Whether he is lying or not about sleeping with someone else, he is certainly seeing someone else, that probably means sleeping.

Do you really love him, or do you love having him around. It sounds as though he does not love you, he is using you. No one deserves to be used. You need to pick up where you were at before you met him 8 months ago.

It sounds like the dude wants the best of both worlds ! He want to eat all the cake and share none. You should try being straight with him and asking him what the HELL is going on.

One of the hardest things in the world sometimes is to Accept the truth and see what's going on. Don't let yourself be used or let this guy hurt you any more, try telling him the way you are feeling and see if he will open up and be Honest with you.

Communication is a very big MUST in any Relationship

I have done allof the above and don't know were to go now?? I DO LOVE HIM? WHY??
Maybe because of the end of a 25 year merrage when I met him and he is so so sewwt??

It is time for you to say good bye. Let him know that your done and that you do not want this anymore. Move on, you can find somebody better. For the meantime, all my advice that I have given others is straight. Focus on your career, your family, Focus on doing something for the community. Volunteer. Spend your time keeping yourself busy. When you least expect it, love will hit you like a ton of bricks and it will be a good experience for you. Does not mean it won't be diffulcult at times because all relationships have ups and downs but at least in the meantime you lived your life and not waited desperatly for something, because when your waiting and waiting it would take forever to happen.

Joe

GET OUT!!

NOW!!

He's playing w/you

i have done allof the above and dont know were to go now??? I DO LOVE HIM?? WHY????
Maybe because of the end of a 25 year merrage when i met him and he is so so sewwt???????

We can all love another person, but that does not always mean that they are going to love us back in return.

IMO it does sound like he is playing games with you.

He is either playing you or is terribly confused and desperately insecure. Either way bodes poorly for whomever is involved with him unless they are equally as desperate/insecure or a player too. Then maybe it will be understandable and tolerated. Look at this whole picture and ask yourself if he is really available for a real relationship. I don't think he is - anyone ending a 25 year marriage needs a good year at least to get their head and heart straightened out without being involved with anyone. So now you get to ask yourself why you fell in love with someone so unavailable? That is the real engine to this and the one question I think is really worth answering. I don't mean to sound harsh but probably its not him killing you, but rather its you. I hope that helps.

i have done allof the above and dont know were to go now??? I DO LOVE HIM?? WHY????
Maybe because of the end of a 25 year merrage when i met him and he is so so sewwt???????


Sweet is not sleeping with you and spending the day with his X the next day.
sweet is not sleeping with you after a fight with her.
Sweet is not breaking up with you and then coming back to share only your bed.
Sweet is not using you.
I do not mean to sound sharp, but facts are facts.

I think its so hard because of his words and actions when were alone
Thanks everyone

I also am so depressed over this.al I do is wait for his call and cry.. Ohmy do I cry.
I was starting to feel better and then Friday he called and we met and it all came right bsack. I felt him feeling the same but?? I don't know I guess I'm going CRAZY

This dude is so confused and he is confusing you! Break this off and let him get himself together while you do the same. You are in love he is not. Trust me true love doesn't hurt like that. This relationship is unhealthy for you both!

Yeah - I'd move on. It sounds basically like he is using you.

its so so hard though..all i do is think about him. I think im in depression because of this.
It may be you are obsessing because deep down you are afraid this was your one and only shot at love and happiness. And this is what you need to fix. That kind of "junko logic" will keep you trapped in the anguish.

Change the channel, get some help, read some books on the topic, learn the lesson. Suffering to this degree may be a choice you are making, in which case you can choose differently. Get busy - you have a lot to do here. :)

Those who are a victim of self aren't really victims.

We get a lot of this on this site.

People putting too much importance into another persn - that they really don't know. A person who reall yDOESN'T care about them.

I text messaged him and put an end to the pain... well kind of... I toldhim to remember the old saying If you love someone let them go.. here is what you want. GOOD BYE. Your forever in my heart but the pain and tears are too much and all for someone who doesn't love me. Have a great life. See you
How was that?? How did that sound to you all?
Hugs and thanks

I think you have been straight to the point !

Hey he has to get what your saying there clear. But you also have to mean the words that you have text him too.

It is hard when you break up, but you need to take each day as it come's and keep yourself busy !

I like it. Now stick with it. If he responds - I wouldn't respond for a while.

I like it. Now stick with it. If he responds - I wouldn't respond for a while.

I agree IMO screen your calls and texts etc ! Don't have him calling you in the early hours of the morning and coming around. Stick to your guns.

Good Job!!

This guy doesn't respect you and that is the foundation of true love. Put this one in your past, move on and don't look back, selfish wish-washy guys like that will only hurt you time and time again, you can count on it. As far as it hurting you, I'm sure it does, but those hurtful feelings fade away if you let them, or they can linger there and infect your whole life tearing away at it a little at a time if you hold on. This person has nothing of value to offer you. You had a good time, at what price? Your dignity is worth more than that. Don't allow him back in when he starts shedding those crocodile tears, you know he's not being sincere. And for the record, I don't really believe you fell in love with this guy who used you, I believe you were infatuated by his fake sweetness. Don't fall for it again.

Is it me - or is EVERYONE who is hurt/lost/crushed who comes here destroyed by the liars, cheats, leads-on, users etc.?

I see a HUGE patern here... that's why the last FEW months I have REALLY been advocating taking it tremendously SLOW!!

Things like - only see them once a week in the beginning or less - hold off on the sex - don't call ever day... we all REALLY need to learn to get to know people...

I wouldn't have even said this last year - but friends first to build a relationship really is sinking in. I've been doing it more with the current gal - there are things I didn't know about her in the beginning... that I know now.

This sounds all painfully familiar.

All I can say, is don't bother him. Don't contact him. Move on with your life without him. If he wants you, he will realise it in the time you are apart without contact.

If not, well. Like I said, move on. It's hard as hell I KNOW... but try.

Why do you female insist on falling for these loser? Why do you take the abuse from them? Wouldn't you rather have a real man? Then take your time and find one and let these losers abuse somebody else.

Don't you know a woman who loves a loser is a... LOSER
NOW what would you like to be?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One min I am so angery yet the next I'm sad.. et I smile when I think about things we use to do?
Is this a normal;prosess? If it is its rough . I feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Anyone dealing with emotional issues, such a loss, grief, etc pass through the same emotional rollercoster as you said.

Just keep strong

I am so ashamed of myself! I couldn't sleep all night last night and I text messaged him telling him how am I going to ever get over him. How dumb am I.. I know better..
He keeps telling me I did nothing worng but if I did nothing wrong why doesn't he want me. I gave my all my everything in us. WHY WHY WHY??
I just don't understand how he could be when were together yet he says he is scared?? I'm think or what? I guess you have to see and hear what I have to be so stuck. Heck the last time we talked he said I guess we both need each other?
My ex wants me back... He loves me maybe I should just hag up the towle and go back to the same crap I left. Just because I know he loves me.
I know Im soundng like a demented woman...
Really JUST CONFUSED.!
You see I me my husband at age 15 and we were together till last dec. I took a lot of abuse through the years and stayed for my kids.. They were happy when I left. Then when I met Dale it was like WOW!! There really is a nice man in the world who isn't controlling and lets me dicide where we go and eat. Doesn't tell me what I can and can't wear... Do you understand? Or am I making this more confusing.
I guess what I'm saying he treated me like I hadn't ever been.. I think that's why I fell so for him??
SO SO MANT EMOTIONS!!
HUGS

Why don't u try concrate on you alone. ONLY YOU.

You met your husband at the age of 15 and where together till last dec, and it seemed like you jumped from 1 relationship to another, are you scared of being single for a while? Coz you are just so used to being with someone?

Your husband abused you, so you must have suffered in all these years to stick with him due to your kids, which by the way is such an honouring strong thing to do.

Now that you can, enjoy life, live for YOU and no one else.
BE FREE.

I think you deserve that :)

[QUOTE=dkh4863]
You see I me my husband at age 15 and we were together till last dec. I took a lot of abuse throught the years and stayed for my kids.. They were happy when I left.

Think, just think how strong you are for putting up with an abusive husband for so many years.

Then you are definitley strong enough to be single for a while.
Im sure you have lots of friends and family to support you.
Have fun ;)

It seems as though you have not had time in your life to get to know you or what you want. You have identified with your X and your kids and now this guy. You feel you cannot live without someone, because you have always been with someone even if it was an abusive someone. Your life has been to please others just to survive and probably felt you were worthless and should be happy for any amount of kindness because you deserved none.

You deserve so much, because you have given so much. You have given your life. Start doing things for yourself. Take a walk when you are feeling sad, do some exercise, that helps you mentally and physically. Read some books that will help you build yourself esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel good, no one can do that. You have to feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself and then you will be amazed at how others will see you in a different light. I feel so bad for you, I know you are hurting, but we can all support you, but you have to great strong and take back your power. You can not allow others to control you. When you do that, they will abuse and use you. If you do not respect yourself and set boundries, no one else will. Take control of your life, do not give it away.

Listening to you, I know you have a heart of gold, and much love to give. Take that love and give it to yourself, do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Pamper yourself, it is not selfishness. Do know, My heart goes do you and I wish you strength to get through this.

It seems as tho you have not had time in your life to get to know you or what you want. You have identified with your X and your kids and now this guy. You feel you cannot live without someone, because you have always been with someone even if it was an abusive someone. Your life has been to please others just to survive and probably felt you were worthless and should be happy for any amount of kindness because you deserved none.

You deserve so much, because you have given so much. You have given your life. Start doing things for yourself. Take a walk when you are feeling sad, do some exercise, that helps you mentally and physically. Read some books that will help you build your self esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel good, no one can do that. You have to feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself and then you will be amazed at how others will see you in a different light. I feel so bad for you, I know you are hurting, but we can all support you, but you have to great strong and take back your power. You can not allow others to control you. When you do that, they will abuse and use you. If you do not respect yourself and set boundries, no one else will. Take control of your life, do not give it away.

Listening to you, I know you have a heart of gold, and much love to give. Take that love and give it to yourself, do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Pamper yourself, it is not selfishness. Do know, My heart goes do you and I wish you strength to get thru this.

Cassie you are absolutely right and I stand behind you and say to this young lady LOVE yourself just because you deserve it!

Yes - Cassie - that was great - I'd spread the love... but can't.

;) thanks so much all my new friends.
God bless you all!!
Oxoxoxoxox deb

I too feel in love with a loser and it was very hard for me to let go but thanks to the advice of everyone on this site I have been able to move and I feel like the wait of the world has been lift. You can't make someone love you or be with you... You deserve better than that... He is proably lying about not sleeping with someone else.
Food for thought when something doesn't feel right it usually isn't...

Move on and find someone that deserves you.

;) thanks so much all my new friends.
god bless ya all!!!
oxoxoxoxox deb

:) God Bless you too ! :)

I hope that you can keep strong and enjoy your life.

He called me last night... I ignored all 3 calls.. I knew f I answerd them I would melt rithgt back into his arms for the night and then not hear from him for a week again. He left 2 messages wanting to know why I wouldn't talk to him and please call. He said we belong together etc. same ole thing. Iam proud ofmyself because it was so so hard. I wanted to pick up that phone so so bad.
I wanted to talk to him so much I started crying and telling myself NO NO NO!! :D
I think all my stregnth came from alal of you here. THANKS!
HAVE A GREAT DAY
HUGS Deb+

There you go you see :)
You proved my point. The point I stated earlier about how strong you are.

You passed the first challenge and doesn't it feel good?

WOW. What an awesome effort. 90% of people would have buckled and answered.

That took amazing stength. Now you have done that you should feel as you can do anything.

Please stay strong. You have passed the hardest test. Don't let yourself down now!!

Keep listening to your common sense when it comes to this guy and not your heart, and you will succeed in putting him in your past, where he belongs.

Be ready, he will only try harder to lure you back, don't fall for it. He's Mr. Wrong and you don't have anymore time for that, otherwise, you are only stealing time away from meeting Mr. Right.

I got up ths morning and had a message on my cell phone from him. "Hunny...I was wrong, PLease please know I love you and I now realize it.." Please call me asap. I need you I want you I got to have you.Your my sexy little angel love. That's what he use to call me. His angel love. Oh wow! I am so so tempted to call him and run to him. Imiss his smile his touch his kind words,but how many of them were true?
Right after I listend to it I came here and read all your posts and it gave me the strength not to call him. Its like my own big coaching team here.
I WILL NOT CALL HIM!! OH HOW I WANT TO BUT IM NOT GIVING IN.
Im sitting here crying but I keep telling myself I have cryed too many tears for a man who doesn't love me.
THANKS SO SO MUCH TO YOU ALL!! I KNOW I HAVE FOUND A WINNING TEAM OF SUPPORT HERE!
HUGS DEB

There you go you see :)
You proved my point. The point i stated earlier about how strong you are.

You passed the first challenge and doesnt it feel good?
I have a big new family of support here to give me the strength not to fall again..
Bless you all

:cool: :) ;)

Wow -that's so tough. My heart goes out to you. Instead of calling him... vent here. Write it ALL out - that's what it's here for. We will then respond.

And unfortuntely - he is still in love with his ex wife - those feelinsg just don't go away. He will ALWAYS run to her.

"And unfortuntely - he is still in love with his ex wife - those feelinsg just don't go away. He will ALWAYS run to her."

That is sadly very true. He's losing it cause he's losing control over you. Be prepared for more calls, maybe even him coming over with flowers, getting drunk and blaming you for it, you know, all the stupid ex-boyfriend stunts, just remember, stunts aren't real. It's time to move on to something or rather someone that is.

I'd wish you luck, but luck has nothing to do with it!

WOW! What a hard night last night was. I went to a bachlorett party and we went to a bar and his ex wife was there. Then about 15 min later he showed up. He looked at me and her and had a look like oh sh**.:o to see us both there what was he to do. Who was he running to. Well guess who.. ME! It was so hard to tell him go away ,your ex wife wants you back.Go beat her up a little more like I found uot you did and put her in the hospital. Who told you that.:p I told himits public record. Go to the court house and look it up. His replie... that was a long time agao, you know I would never hurt you.:rolleyes: I said Hunny... You have and don't even know it because its all a game to you and your so use to it you don't even know wha your doing. Have a great life see you.. Then he ran to her and apearently got the same thing from her. He left looking like a lost puppy. It husrt and was so hard. I wanted to be in his arms so bad. I just kept telling myself remember you new friends and all the truth you have learnd from them on the puter. Also remember all the beatings you took for 26 years... no way do I want another beater.
I think I am getting through this.
Thans to you all!
Take care and god bless all my angels here!
Hugs Deb

Great! Keep it up. Don't you feel better about yourself? Stronger and so much wiser. You are making decisions as to what is right for you and what will make you happy forever, not just momentarily . Good luck!!

Hey very good your making a stand and sticking to it! Just keep up your good works and you will be feeling better each day.


I think I am getting through this

You will get through this and be a stronger person in the end. God bless you and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

YES YES YES.
You are doing AWESOME. I don't get to read the posts over the weekend so I get all of them on a Monday morning. Reading what you have done here has INSPIRED me. You have shown a strength that is beyond belief in my opinion.

And a wonderful thing too that when you felt like calling him you came on here and found strength here. So great to hear that. I wish I had that in my dark times.

And the way you dealt with that situation at the Bachelorette party is simply astonding. What a lesson for everyone on Inner Strength

You are going to make a wonderful lucky man very happy one day and with it will come your own happiness.

Well done.

"beat her up a little more like I found uot you did and put her in the hospital. "

Wow - do he really beat her up? Why? For the love of god! Why/ And why woulld she go back to him??

There are some people out there who think the deserve abuse.

Just stya away from this loser.

What a jerm... he just called and left me a voice mail. Hunnny, please please... lets go to dinner and talk.. please.
I am not resopnding.thanks to ya all@ this sight
Hugs

:) That sound you hear is applause because you have made a lot of people here very HAPPY.:)

GOOD. The hide of this guy.
Let him wallow in the crap that he has created for himself.
You have the power. Keep it that way!!
Stay strong. Your doing great!

Well said Tal,

I am only relatively new here and offer only advice that I can based on my relatively limited expereinces in life so far. But I love reading everyone's post.

You have done great SO FAR, and its nice to know that you think we have played a part in that.
But believe me, you are playing the lead character and so far putting up an oscar winning performance.

What a Wuss!! Hahahaha! Begging!! Very attractive!!

See guys - you get to se the other side.

I took my grandkids to the drive in tonigt and guess who I sw=aw... him yes him.
he was with another girl and her 2 kids.. I looked at himand smilesand shook my head. I got a phone call ont my voie mail when I got home saying... hunny its not what you think. It wasmy cousin and her kids.. hello then why didn't he talk to me. Dah/!! I wasn't born yesterday.
I'm not answering his call
take care hugs

No don't answer. Don't even acknowledge him. Plus you didn't want him to talk to you at the drive. You want nothing to do with him.

DKH... I just read all the posts... and I want to say that your actions are such a strength for me! I smiled when I read them all... thank you for posting it all here... and good luck with keeping your strength and your ability to make things better in your life! You know, we usually keep going back th what we know, no matter how sick it is... just because it is comfortable... and the only way not to do that is to break the cycle, and it sounds like you are doing that... YEAH YOU!!

Yeah!! NOw you are getting stronger all the time. Your next relationship will not be one of being used. It will be a good one.:) One you deserve.

"hunny its not what you think" - what is this guy - a comedian. Cousin? Then WHY didn't he be a man and come forward and introduce his 'cousin' to you??

This guy is real scum for that. How many other 'cousins' are there?

Sometimes you have to back up a few hundred yards to see the big picture, the real picture and you have done that beautifully. Gently suggests that it might be prudent to notice how close you came to being fooled by this man and make a few personal decisions now that support you not being so easily fooled ever again. I don't mean cultivate being paranoid or being jaded and especially not bitter since that is a bad one. Just add a small dose of reasonable caution and a commitment to yourself to go a little slower (so you have time to verify who someone is) next time. You are a smart one and so I thought this would be a good idea for you. Just a thought that I hope is helpful. :)

IM ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!
I let him into my life again. Hee came knocking at 2 am crying he loved me and can't live without me. I let him stay the night. That was Friday. He left earlie satmorning. I haven't heard frm him since. I new it was too good to be true but I guess I STUPID!
I called him and left a message nevercall me or come here again and I can't take this emotional ****!
Why am I so gulable.? HELP!! HOWAM I EVER GOING TO GET OVER THIS??
HUGS DEB

Your not stupid or gulliable, just human with feelings. When life knocks you down get up dust yourself off and continue the journey, never give up on YOURSELF.

Well, now you know for sure what he is like. Maybe you just needed that true taste of reality for it to sink in and make you know that is never going to work.

"I havent heard frm him since. " - PLEASE REMEMBER THIS. = MASSIVE JERK.

Don't answer the door at 2 am anymore... let me guess - he was drunk. He's a big boy - he can move on.

You know where he was and who he was with.

The key isn't that you trusted him too much, it's that you don't trust you enough. It isn't that you bought his lies as much as you didn't believe your truths. Its solved by having a conversation with yourself about yourself, not him. Quit externalizing it. Leave him completely out of it for a minute, okay? You knew and you knew you knew but you did it anyway and so long as YOU can run over you that easily, so will the rest of the world, especially him. Besides, there are more like him out there too. It really does work that way, I am not kidding! Please Deb, no more picking on yourself--that only gives you more reason not to trust you and it deepens the whole thing... you know what they say about if you find yourself in a hole, quit digging!

If need be, as silly as this seems :D write yourself a letter ("Dear Self...") about how smart you are, how capable you are, how sincere and wonderful and funny and lovely you really are and then agree to take better care of you and start trusting your guts more. Then sign your name as your pledge, your commitment and hang it in some prominent place to give you reason to think about it along these lines. I know this as surely as I know my own name... You DEB... are worth it!

No not stupid at all. Mistakes are their to be made. Its how we react and learn from them
You probably needed to make this mistake so you realise never to make it again.
You'll be fine. Just go and read this thread from start to finish again and all the advice you received. It still applies.
Stay strong.

Thanks you all are so so so great!! 1
I am going to do my best to not answer to his crap.
I'm sorry I fell again... I will come out stroger.. I ALREADY DID
HUGS dEB

You go girl. I am very proud of you... You move on with your life and when it is the right one you will know it. He isn't it.

Quit sleeping with him and see if he still comes around!! Don't mean to sound rude, but it sounds to me like he is using you.

A man that could do such things to a gril is a jerk! Plain and simple , he used you as a bit on the side hunnie am sorrie to say .You ex properly was seeing his ex wife trying to build their marriage or that up behind your back .

You shouldn't meet uo with him whether he begs you or not take a stand he as been using you for the last eight months or so and was trying something different properly before he went back to his ex. He is confused about his feelings and obviously wants you as a safety net .

Get out , GET OUT no one should have to put up with such haeart ache as you over this guy even if he's being nice or not .Find someone that can love you and not leave you high and dry then come back for a little comfort after a fight change your number don't see him its hurting you more than anything think of yourself first please get out .

I say that you break up with him. I am with a guy who done this with me and another girl, except that I am in the situation of him cheating on his girlfriend with me. He stopped seeing her for a while and stopped talking to her because he was always with me instead of her. It sounds like what your saying, how he stopped seeing you for 3 weeks. Its sad how love can ruin someone's life. Trust me I've been there. Don't beat yourself up for it, because you didn't do anything, that's just how ALL guys are. ANd with the whole thing that he's telling you he's a virgin... I would use a condom just in case. Don't take a chance.. its your life that you can ruin just because of a little lie. You don't wantt an STD. I hope this helped.. and good luck <3