Well, me and my girl broke it off on 9/20 officially. I have talked to her almost every day since then. One minute she wants me to be there, and then the next she doesn't. Today she told me that she's already seeing someone else. She hasn't deleted my photos from her myspace or even deleted me as one of her friends. She still has under most of the pics "there's my baby" or "there's my baby and me."

Because of this, most of my friends don't think it's over. A lot of them think that she's lying to me about seeing someone else because she wants me to feel horrible. Well, anyway, I decided today that I'm starting NC. It's going to be very hard because we've been together for so long and never gone a day without talking to each other... but it's something that I have decided that I have to do.

I almost broke it within the first five minutes. I'm weak when it comes to her, she's my absolute weakness... I never give in to anyone like I do her... but I have to be strong and go on with my life now. I know that if it is meant to be, then she will return one day.

It's going to be rough, real rough. Possibly the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. Whenever you feel like breaking NC, come here and post instead, we are all here to help you out.

My break up was around the 8/20, I'm still struggling mate, broke the nc rule today actually big mistake, stay strong and delete all numberss... its not meant to be 95% of relationships don't ever get back together, things will change in your mind soon and your start to come to terms with that.

Don't worry about is, hard. We all break NC at one point or another and immediately regret it afterward. I did it. Just have to jump back on and start again.

I have learnt that the best thing to be is to keep yourself busy. Feel really sorry for you Guidostern.. but if you may know, most of us are in the same boat...
I will never understand why it (nc) has to happen if it happens.

Because it sweeps the very life out of your body.
Good luck dude.

And please keep posting and sharing.. we know we are not alone then.

I haven't deleted my ex's pics from my facebook profile..

waiting until I get more pics of myself and then change it :)

my ex, on the other hand, wants no fuqing connection with me.

That's a good thing, hj. While it sucks now, see it as an easier opportunity for you to move on. No easy urges.

That's a good thing, hj. While it sucks now, see it as an easier opportunity for you to move on. No easy urges.


It also sucks cause she is interested in someone else... and she now parties in college..

which is normal~

But... not normal when her parents are spending $35k to $40k/year for her art school when they make less than $40k/year
Unfortunately, they don't know she's partying, drinking, and screwing around xD


Whatever about her... if she ends up in the streets of San Francisco and I see her... I ain't stopping.


Here is a funny part... there is a young girl who says she wants me to bang her..

although there is a huge age gap xD

I feel your pain, my girlfriend just recently left me about 2 weeks ago for another guy as well. I'm up to day 3 of official hopefully long lasting NC. It's been hard, especially when I work in the same building as the club she is in (we live on a college campus/same dorm floor as well, hard to avoid her forever) and I have to walk by the room, she is usually there today while I'm working but she wasn't today, thankfully because I probably would have broken NC if I saw her. She likely slept through her class because she stays up too late with her new boyfriend, she has already done it a few times. I feel sorry for her but it's her own choice. Turns out her new boy toy made things better for me by staying up with her all night most likely. Oh well.

Just don't give up. Don't check her myspace/facebook/whatever. I blocked her on AIM, deleted her off my phone and Facebook and made my Facebook private to only friends. I just have to resist the urge to look at hers, but she can't see anything going on in my life now, I'm just living life without her.

Long story short: Don't give up, I know what you're going through, and if I can potentially do it, I know anybody else can too.

NC is the hardest thing I have ever done. She broke up with me on my birthday, great present, right!! Anyway she called after about three weeks and I answer now right back to square one. So stick with it, helps you believe me. Just don't even think about her myspace because it doesn't mean anything you are just grasping for hope, don't you are setting yourself up for more hurt. Let her go, I know very hard, but you need to worry about you and ONLY YOU. She made her choice let her live with it. Good Luck

I hate NC, its so hard, talking to someone every day for 3 years and now poof can't anymore.

Yeah, right after I wrote this, I broke it... she called me... I just had my soul smashed into a million pieces because of it. She told me that she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me and then turns around and says she misses my touch.

She told me she went out on a date with a guy last night and they were messing around and that's where she was going tonight too. One of my friends thought she could fix it, so she called her (I told her not to call my ex) and my ex told her that she just couldn't take the pain anymore... she has to move on and instead of laying in bed crying her eyes out, this time she's going to start dating immediately after we broke up... I feel horrible... she's 500 miles away and all I can think of is getting in my truck and driving back down there... I want to hear her voice, I want to feel her touch my face to let me know I'm still alive... like I said, my other friends are like "Oh, she'll be asking you to come back in about a month or so..." I don't even have that false hope anymore...

Thank God for old friends that are still around here... they are getting me though the tough times... sometimes with beer and whiskey, but they're still trying to help... so anyway, I haven't talked or texted her since then... she sent me my resume via email and that was it.

Many of you are so right... this is the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to do... she's been a constant in my life for so long, that I can't even think about not talking to her... this is horrible... I feel physically ill right now because of it...

Man it took a tough conversation to get me to realize things. That stupid saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you" just erks me.

Best thing you can do is not answer that phone when she calls. Do not search for bits and pieces of information of her new life. Cut all ways of contact some have even gone as far as changing numbers etc. Embrace all the good times and learn from the bad you had with her. As hard as it is to let go do so and you'll be feeling better. Do not give yourself false hope.

I'd advise you to stay away from alcohol until you're a bit better mentally.

Man it took a tough convo to get me to realize things. That stupid saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you" just erks me.







Absolutely strict NC if she dumps you for someone else or if the saying you mentioned applies in your case. Am just cross opined if and where there is a case where she neither dumps you and nor is it the case with the saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you"

Guys if what I just mentioned makes sense to even one person I'll be happy!

Oh, no... she told me that she is still madly in love with me... no, she didn't break it off for another guy... so don't go there again... I know she didn't because I know what happened.

She called me again last night while I was out with some friends. One of my friends answered the phone for me and talked to her. She asked where I was and they said "He's busy doing something right now, if you need to discuss anything with him, let us know what it is, and we'll tell him." This apparently hurt her... my friend said that she was crying at the end of the phone call... but the ball's no longer in my court... that's her choice, not mine.

There is no choice at all. You need to walk away and stay away. Don't even answer her calls or her texts, if anything tell her you no longer wish to talk to her. She made her bed and now she must lie in it

But then I must remember that I still have to go back there to get my love seat and other stuff... so I will be forced to talk to her at some point.

Send 2 friends to get it, or ask her when she won't be there so you can retrieve your things

Hello my fellow Texan, Sorry for your pain, but you have been here long enough to know the drill, complete no contact. What she wants is no longer important, neither are her tears, and you are in the healing process. That's your focus for now, not seeing her to retrieve some furniture.

Be glad the roller coaster ride is over(?), and you can regroup without her.

In the long run you know that's best, so you can be prepared and have a cool head for what life throws at you next. Trust me, life will throw more at you.

I have followed this whole saga, and have confidence you'll do the right things for yourself.

Let her wonder where your at, and what your doing, not the other way around.

NO CONTACT, be busy and unavailable!!!

Guys, I really appreciate the advise here in almost all threads on nc... actually what all of you have suggested is the right thing to do.. "no contact at all during nc and after it too.

Its easier said than done ofcourse; but I feel like appreciating each one of you who has still advised to be in control and strictly follow nc despite the trauma one has to face through this entire chapter in life.

Just feel like bagging hats off to all of you. :-)
Much appreciated!

And has someone observed the uproar on the number of nc cases filling in threads specially in the last few weeks? Guess its nc season mates.. :(
Need to come out strong through the season.. good luck.

and has someone observed the uproar on the number of nc cases filling in threads specially in the last few weeks?? guess its nc season mates .. :(
need to come out strong through the season..good luck.

Yeah seems like as soon as people got back to school everyone got dumped. :(

Getting by for now as well, day 4 of no contact, hopefully I stay busy this weekend and won't want to talk to her at any point, I came way too close to breaking the no contact rule yesterday.

Still extremely anxious about the situation, but I'm able to eat again so I know I'm slowly getting somewhere I feel, I keep asking myself "if she came back to me, would I still take her back" and I'm torn from the situation, but the answer would depend on the circumstances now and no longer an automatic yes. I hope I can get to the point where even if she did come back, I want to be able to tell her no truthfully because I do no longer want to be with her.

Keep on keeping on my friends, we're on our way I hope..

Yeah seems like as soon as people got back to school everyone got dumped. :(


Yeah, except I'm not a high school kid...

Guess that was just a 'cliche :)

Yeah, except I'm not a high school kid...

If you want to put it like that, I'm not either, I'm in college. =p

But if I had to take a bet I would guess that people leaving for school/finding new people as they get to schools would probably account for a good amount of the increase in breakups.

Sure, but this situation has nothing to do with that... she didn't leave me for someone else... she left me because she was unhappy... period...

Yeah seems like as soon as people got back to school everyone got dumped. :(

Getting by for now as well, day 4 of no contact, hopefully I stay busy this weekend and won't want to talk to her at any point, I came way too close to breaking the no contact rule yesterday.

Still extremely anxious about the situation, but I'm able to eat again so I know I'm slowly getting somewhere I feel, I keep asking myself "if she came back to me, would I still take her back" and I'm torn from the situation, but the answer would depend on the circumstances now and no longer an automatic yes. I hope I can get to the point where even if she did come back, I want to be able to tell her no truthfully because I do no longer want to be with her.

Keep on keeping on my friends, we're on our way I hope..

LOL your describing me, I'm on day four as well of nc each day seems a little easier. No way I'm even risking contact to feel horrible again. I'm getting my appetite back as well. But your ahead of me if she came back I'm still at automatic yes, prays for strength.

That's exactly how I feel, Fred. Sure, I'm only on day two, with one time actually talking to her, but I haven't seen her since Saturday night when she kissed me goodbye with tears in her eyes, holding on to me.

I feel like crap... seriously. I'm not hungry at all, I feel like crying, even though I don't, and I am lost without this girl in my life. This is number three as far as failed long term relationships go for me... which none of them I took this hard, not even losing my ex wife. At this point, I set here thinking, am I really supposed to find someone and be happy? Why couldn't it have been her, we're perfect together in every way, why take her away from me?

I have all but lost my faith. I hope and pray every day that she returns into my arms, but I don't know if that will ever happen. Tal is right though, part of me is relieved because we were putting each other through so much pain the last few months.

I've been trying to surround myself with people who will be a positive influence, but every some of my friends keep telling me "She'll come back, that's why she keeps calling you...you are the one constant in her life and you remind her that she is loved and cared for, like no one else ever could." I try not to listen to them, but it's so fresh that I can't help but have that hope sometimes.

I'm feeling really weak right now. She just got off work 40 minutes ago... I'm thinking about what she is doing, her Y! Messenger account says that she's mobile... so is she on a date, or is she out with friends? My mind is wondering, and I don't know that I'm strong enough to make it through this anymore... it's like my legs have been cut off...

Don't give up. You can make progress, but I definitely found that looking at her Y! Messenger status/facebook status/anything associated with her doesn't help, I'm curious as well at times with my situation, but it's all a process, you just have to commit to your decision to even begin moving on it seems in my opinion. I've noticed that now that I have committed to it, it seems to be becoming easier day by day.

I'm trying very hard not to give up. I'm going out with an old friend tonight that has always sent me in the right path. He's been there from the time my father passed, to this.

I know that I've already lost her, but I SO wish I wouldn't have. It seems to be harder every day... it took me a week or two to get over my ex-wife... but I was the one who did the breaking that time... this is just so hard because I care about this girl more than she'll ever know... she told one of our mutual friends last night "I really hope he can fix himself, not only for my sake, but his." Now, this friend is someone I haven't talked to in almost a year, and she knows this... it's someone that I don't exactly get along with anymore either... so I keep thinking that she wouldn't say that if she didn't mean it... especially to this person. I'm short of breath right now, but almost numb... this sucks really bad... I never knew I would go through this with her. It was pretty rocky for a while, but hey; what relationship doesn't go through some tough times?

I just wish that she could see the changes I've made in the last five days... I hate this so bad...

I'm trying very hard not to give up. I'm going out with an old friend tonight that has always sent me in the right path. He's been there from the time my father passed, to this.

I know that I've already lost her, but I SO wish I wouldn't have. It seems to be harder every day...it took me a week or two to get over my ex-wife...but I was the one who did the breaking that time...this is just so hard because I care about this girl more than she'll ever know...she told one of our mutual friends last night "I really hope he can fix himself, not only for my sake, but his." Now, this friend is someone I haven't talked to in almost a year, and she knows this...it's someone that I don't exactly get along with anymore either...so I keep thinking that she wouldn't say that if she didn't mean it...especially to this person. I'm short of breath right now, but almost numb...this sucks really bad...I never knew I would go through this with her. It was pretty rocky for a while, but hey; what relationship doesn't go through some tough times?

I just wish that she could see the changes I've made in the last five days...I hate this so bad...

Do what I do.

Try to forget the ex. Talk to friends who DON'T know your ex.
Work harder and focus on yourself.

For me, I'm younger than you (I'm 19) and got out of a 15 month relationship with a girl who is now a 8itch and "burns" her parents money by hanging out with new friends... as well as partying and looking for a new guy.

On my side, I'm focusing myself on pursuing a nursing degree (it's actually 4 degrees combined) and return to university to get my degree in psychology. While I'm going for my nursing degree, I am working part-time where I've earned a lot of reputation around... probably cause I'm a new guy and really chill :)

Just take time to yourself.

Oh yes.... for showing that you've changed...
Hmm~ Just master yourself, your emotions, attitude etc. and attract other people.
And when the day comes where you see your ex once again, you'll know that you are better off without her.

NC is super hard when you're weak for the person. We just have to try and be strong for ourself.

Well am I ever weak...

Last night I go out with some friends... they get me hammered... drank at least a 1/4 of a gallon of Jäger and about a 6 pack. Well, I don't remember much at all. I don't even remember how I got back to my brothers.

Well, I check my phone for messages/missed calls... well, I kind of drunk dialed her probably 10-15 times last night. I know she never answered, even though I don't remember any of it.

So, yeah... I'm weak for her and while she misses me, my smile, my touch... she's out with other guys going on with her life while I set here hurting, praying for God or whatever there is out there to return her to me. So yeah, I'm weak and it didn't work out the way I planned... so now I have to start over AGAIN!

Hmm, you don't remember much, but you remembered her number.

It has been programmed into my phone since the moment we met.

I don't know that I can do this... I have to do everything in my power for her to return into my arms. I shouldn't have called her, and no I don't remember doing it. I don't know how to move on without her. She's the love of my life. She's been my dream come true.

Unprogram her, and get some sleep, and start over.

Well, of course... I started over... it's hard, but I know I can do this... It just takes the determination that I seem to have now... So, now to picking myself up off the floor and dusting myself off... I got to worry about me now, she no longer matters at all... even though it hurts, I got to do this.

Well, of course...I started over...it's hard, but I know I can do this...It just takes the determination that I seem to have now...So, now to picking myself up off the floor and dusting myself off...I gotta worry about me now, she no longer matters at all...even though it hurts, I gotta do this.

Exactly. All about picking yourself up. You will be better and stronger after this. Keep pushing onwards.

Well, it's day 10 of NC... can't say that it's necessarily getting easier, but it doesn't hurt as much...

The problem is that her brother calls me last night and says that something terrible happened to her. He's not one to lie to me at all, or anyone else for that matter... I won't go into details about what happened, but it's not good.

I feel like I need to contact her, but when he asked her if she was going to call me, she said "No, it will just make him very angry and I don't want to do that to him."

So, I have tried my hardest since last night to keep NC flowing through like I should, but I after hearing what I heard, I can't help but be concerned about her well being and safety even though it's no longer my responsibility.

While you still care her as a person (and probably still more), you are doing the right thing by staying NC. She made the decision to no longer want you in her life, now she has to deal with it.

Yeah, but I feel so terrible not calling to check on her... I know she's scared that telling me the problem will make me angry... I guess if she wanted me to know, she would have told me... but at the same time, I almost feel that it is still my responsibility to check on her... even though I'm 500 miles away.

I've called one of my old co-workers at the PD there and he said that he would keep an eye on her and make sure she's okay... I'm still staying with NC that way, and I can be assured that she's all right...

Try to focus on yourself.

Meah one day you won't care anymore. Man I tell you I used to worry etc but now I honestly do not want to she her. I'd honestly cross the street if I saw her coming my way. You'll realize life is better and start concentrating on other things.

meah one day you won't care anymore. Man I tell you I used to worry etc but now I honestly do not want to she her. I'd honestly cross the street if I saw her coming my way. You'll realize life is better and start concentrating on other things.

Sounds like you hit the anger/jaded phase. :) I'm starting to hit it myself.

Sounds like you hit the anger/jaded phase. :) I'm starting to hit it myself.

Meah I don't hate her. I just see no reason to talk or see her. I have nothing to say she broke my heart and I'm moving on.

Find new hobbies.

For me, it's about tuning cars and drifting.

Meah I don't hate her. I just see no reason to talk or see her. I have nothing to say she broke my heart and I'm moving on.

I didn't mean you hate her. I meant you are angry/jaded you let this happen to yourself. When you know you're better than that, and her, and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

I didn't mean you hate her. I meant you are angry/jaded you let this happen to yourself. When you know you're better than that, and her, and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

Hmm to be honest I do not feel that way. I enjoyed the time we had and frankly look back at it as a learning experience. Only thing I'm upset at is not realizing the signs before it happened. But now I know and have learned.

Well, I still haven't tried to contact her at all. I went to work last night and stayed pretty busy... it helped me a lot, but after I got off this morning, I still feel bad.

One of my best friends and myself are starting to go to the gym and he's teaching me MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) and I'm teaching him how to play guitar... so it's kind of an even trade... so that's been keeping my mind off things too...

No matter how hard I try though, I still want to call her... it's hard because I can't just say "Oh, I'm better off without the person that loved me like no other for five years!" Yeah, I'm relieved that we're not fighting/arguing or whatever, but that doesn't mean that I can just turn off my feelings about this girl...

You can do it nc is the hardest thing I have ever done my ex MSG me a few days ago I just had to sign out I can't risk it starting ms over

Well, day 11 and quite frankly, I feel like crap. I slept all day yesterday and then went to work last night... work was horrible... had to talk to this girl who looked just like my ex... it sent me on a tail spin... I finally seemed to regain control around 5 this morning... but then I just had to turn on the da*n radio, and it was there again...

You're right Fred, this is very hard... I can't believe how hard it is to just simply not call/text/email someone...

Don't worry about what your friends think; worry about what you think. Most of the time we have the answers to what we know we should do in our heads but our hearts rule and so we take no action. Do you care for her? Are you at odds with each other all the time? Maybe you two were just meant to be friends? You don't say your ages or the length of this relationship and that can also play a factor here.
Moving on with NC does mean you need to stay busy; take on a new project or hobby; call an old or new friend; start working out, lean on your family and friends now; they are there for you but do not give them 100% of your emotions, that gets wearing on everyone... take a break every now and then and tell them tonight we have no talk about her; tonight is movie night or fun night and then try to stick to that... let them see shades of the old you shine through... AND if you really miss this girl after 6 months; then call and talk to her; ask her out for lunch on even ground. If the feelings are there which I'm going to guess you've have moved on by then.

Well, we were together for 5 years. I had asked her to marry me in March... of course I care for her, I care for her a great deal... she's the woman that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with...

She's 24 and I'm 28... I know the feelings will be there in six months... not because I want them to be, but just because I know they will be...

Yes they will, but they won't be as intense.

Your still FRESH.

I'm sorry you are in turmoil. I know it's hard, you hear a song, see a favorite food, almost anything and there she is again... in your thoughts... YOU have to channel those thoghts elsewhere... Try the rubberband trick... everytime you think of her you snap that rubberband you wera on your wrist; it hurts and it helps you stop thinking of her... or turn of the TV, don't visit that bar or restaurant... you have to switch it up a bit... and in doing so you might just discover a new you... give it a try! Go visit that health club today, or whatever your hobby is... find one if you don't have one and throw yourself into it. There are plenty of fish in the sea; you're just channeling for one now instead of opening your horizong to what could be out there around the corner waiting.

I feel you pain all. 5 days with NC contact.

Well, it's day 15 and I don't really know how I feel right now. Went out with some friends last night, had a few drinks and ended up crashing at my best friends house since I was apparently in no condition to drive...

There is still some pain there, but not like it was... today I'm unsure if I would really want the relationship back at this point... don't get me wrong, I still feel the same as I did the day I left... I care for her like no other, but I have started to think; is it really healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone where everything seems to have a price on it? I don't think so...

Convince yourself, that you can go nc, and you don't need to know what she's doing. That is the first hurdle, 5 years in a huge amount of time, you clearly have the skills to maintain a healthy relationship, think of the good points that can help you move on and look to the future. Change your life plan, so that its all about you.

I'm trying really hard... after 5 years of seeing her every day, talking to her multiple times a day, and waking up next to her... it's extremely hard to get past this.

Like I said, I'm trying to do things that I never did when we were together... like learning MMA, teaching a friend how to play guitar, and things like that.

My work does a really good job of keeping my mind off her... but sometimes, I will go somewhere and be dealing with some people, and it brings it all back.

I said earlier, that I didn't know that I really want this relationship back, but I took a nap since I have to work tonight, and when I woke up, I knew that I wanted this back. It takes a lot not to call her (I took her number out of my phone) but I still remember the number, so it's not like I couldn't just call her up... but I'm trying very hard not to... I do know that she has called me and I just let it go to voice mail...

Hang in there, bud. You'll make it. You're doing all the right things. Some days, you'll have a really hard time. Some days, will be good days. You just have to make the best of the bad days.

I'm going on 6 weeks of NC now, and I am living proof things do get better. Also, I think what you want back, is what you envisioned your relationship to be/was. Unfortunately, that's not the case as it stands today. I know you realize, like I do, your relationship will/could never be the same, ever again.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Yeah, I know exactly where you are coming from. The relationship could never be what it was at one time... that's for sure...

One of her friends keeps emailing me and letting me know that my ex is a wreck, and even though I'm not there, she's always saying that she wishes I was now, but she's just too proud to call me up and say anything... and of course, as much as I want to call her, I can't because I know that unless we were to start over completely, it would never be a good relationship.

One of my other friends is also talking to her, but I don't really care at this point... Like I said, the relationship would never be what it once was... but they are all saying it could be better than it ever was... they are all confusing me and I keep on letting them talk about it, etc... I told one of them tonight that I didn't want to hear about it anymore...

She looked at me and said "You don't love her, do you?" I told her that she didn't even know anything about how I felt... it made me pretty mad... anyways, I'm on my MDC in my car... I got to get back to work...

Welp... it's day 17 and I slipped up...

I was sleeping today (I work nights) and my phone rang and I answered it without looking to see who it was... and sure enough, it was her... I took me a minute to realize it of course because at first I thought I was dreaming, but yep... I started to tell her that I was hanging up and she got her meat hooks in me and started talking...

Now I feel horrible again, just like I did the first day... I hate that I answered the phone, but it's not like I did it knowing who it was... but anyway, back to square one again... down and out, mind wondering... oh well, tomorrow's another day I guess..

Well, day 1 of starting over again...

I feel kind of numb today... I'm not really sure what to think about my relationship with her, or the way I feel about her. Maybe I'm getting used to the way things are and starting to accept that we're not going to be together.

I asked my friends to stop telling me things about her, etc... but sometimes it still comes up in conversation. One of them told me last night that she still has photos of me on her myspace and that she hasn't changed the text on any of them... I'm done with the false hope though, it's not worth what I have been putting myself through.

He also told me that she had written a blog saying how much she misses me and loves me, etc... this doesn't seem to bother me though... not sure why... I'm sure I'm just having a moment, but for some reason I feel at peace... and that's something that I haven't felt in 3 years.

Well, day one is half way over and I'm feeling better. I've started to sink back into writing music again, and have even started picking up my guitar more.

It was a great help that my friends have decided that it would be good for one of them to come over and hang out every day... they're kind of taking shifts if you will.

It's helping a great deal. I'm relieved at the moment, but not sure what to think about it either. I know the feelings aren't gone, but they seem to be suppressed or something... it just all feels strange... I don't have any urge to look at her myspace or Facebook... I have no interest in knowing if she's logged into IM or anything... just not sure where this sudden enlightenment came from and I have never really experienced it before...

Well, a new day has began and I'm confident, but hurting pretty bad right now... she sent me a text telling me that she misses me and is starting to think about things differently.

It's hard, because like everyone says; it's still fresh. I want so bad to respond to the text message, but I know that I'll probably be setting myself up for disappointment and more heartache if I do...

I'm really not sure what to do anymore... do I respond back and see where it goes? Do I try a new approach on things? Does she really miss me and is she REALLY thinking about things differently?

I was at work when I got the message. One of my friends called me and got my mind off it, but then said that she had messaged him too saying that she wishes I would just come back... but I don't think it's going to be that easy... there are a lot of things which are still wrong with us if we were to try and make this work... do I take the chance and return to her? Maybe things will really be different this time... maybe she's cleared her head, I know that I've cleared mine and it's helped a lot... I'm just really weak and missing her right now... I guess I should probably just keep trucking though, because it's a new day and I've come a long ways from where I was...

You talked a few days ago, and I think it may have triggered feelings in her. My bet, from all the others here I've read, is that she doesn't want a relationship, just you back in her life as a friend. Be honest with yourself, can you handle friend zone? Have you healed enough to just be a friend?

Thinking back to that last conversation, was she still confused, or did she just want to talk?

Just me, let this storm pass.

Oh I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to just let this all pass. When I last talked to her, she was confused and said that she is scared about what would've happened if we continued to stay together...

She tried calling twice today, and I didn't answer my cell phone at all. A couple of minutes later, I got weak and looked at her myspace... her status said "I'm frustrated with a guy" and it was apparently done right after she called me..

As far as being friends, yeah, I think I've healed enough to be friends with her... but I don't think that she's dealt with it enough to remain friends with me... of course, I could be wrong... I could see her and it spark something that is still there, but I could be ignoring...

NO CONTACT, her confusion, and fear, doesn't have to be your.

I know... I didn't call her at all and deleted the text message just minutes after I posted that.

It doesn't keep away from the fact that I'm still confused and not sure what to do... yeah, I could be making the right choice by keeping NC, but at the same time I still wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life by not following my heart.

That's pretty normal when we break a deep attachment, but weigh the good with the bad, and I think you'll see its time for a major change, and as hard as it is to carry it out, you will be happier later.

Yeah, I'm already making major changes to myself. My friends seen me earlier and said that they can already see the difference. They say that they're seeing the guy they used to know... the one who was around before my ex entered my life, which is actually really good... maybe this is what I needed to make me realize my mistakes and start putting me into the right direction...

I have all but quit drinking... I no longer smoke either, so that's a big start to getting back to who I was... I feel it, It's just been so long that I've really been myself that it's going to take a while before I'm actually sure that I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing now... but I'm still wondering if I'm making the right choice by keeping things like they are...

Well, I'm extremely proud of myself, even though it's only about 9PM here...

She tried to call me three times today and I didn't answer at all... I just hit ignore and let her leave the VM's... I haven't even checked them yet... I'm going to have my friends do that for me later tonight... she also called them afterwards, probably wanting to know if I was with them, but only two of the four of them answered...

I'm very excited and proud of myself. It's one of the first times she has called me that I didn't actually pick up the phone and start acting like a fool...

No contact with someone you aren't sure you should or should not be with tells me you really cared for this person so good for you that you're doing the no contact with her. You know in your heart what's gone on with your relationship and IF it could work... maintaining distance sometimes works to actually bring you closer together IF you both realize what you had and want it back... only better. Maintain no contact; you know her and know what's she prob doing anyway so tell yourself that.




Well, I'm extremely proud of myself, even though it's only about 9PM here...

She tried to call me three times today and I didn't answer at all...I just hit ignore and let her leave the VM's...I haven't even checked them yet...I'm gonna have my friends do that for me later tonight...she also called them afterwards, probably wanting to know if I was with them, but only two of the four of them answered...

I'm very excited and proud of myself. It's one of the first times she has called me that I didn't actually pick up the phone and start acting like a fool...

Not acting like a fool, is a good thing.

Yeah, I know... I'm so glad that I didn't act like that... I didn't even give myself the option. I went and hung out with some friends and they checked the VM's for me and deleted them...

I was going to block her number, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm still not sure that I'm doing the right thing at this point, but I've got to do something. I still have some thought of us being able to work things out, because nothing's ever stopped us before... but then I just remember exactly what she said to me the last time I talked to her and realize that if she's wanting to hurt me that bad, then obviously she's wanting to push me away right now.

One of my best friends made a good point tonight during the three minutes I allowed him to talk about it... he said, "You know she's only doing that to you so she can make herself feel better...she still cares about you and has her moments where she calls one of us wanting you to come home, but you generally wouldn't answer your phone." Then he went on to say a few other things, but what hit me the most is the last thing he said. He told me "She's going to wake up one morning and realize what she had, and when she does, you'll be over her and there will be no way for her to get you back then."

Of course, I disagreed with him... but I got to remember that this is all still very new and I'm going to think things like that from time to time. It really sucks hearing all of that because I do want to go back to her so badly... sometimes I've told myself that we're not together because of foolish pride... our souls are both way too proud to ever give in to each other at the right times...

But, I'm working hard on getting things to where they need to be for me now... that's all that matters.

Well, another day or two has passed by and I'm feeling terrible again. No, I didn't contact her... but I still feel terrible... not really sure how to channel all of this out of me in a positive manner. I've been working out, but that doesn't seem to help, I've went out and shot skeet and that helps some, but there is so much pressure that I feel like my head is going to explode...

You are going to be all right man! It takes a lot of time. What helped me was taking LONG walks and blaring some music into my ears. I live in a suburb that has a lot of empty land around, so it is nice cause I can cry a bit and not have anyone looking at me like I am a freak. We can get through this... we WILL get thorugh this.

Yea man it's not easy. I am going through all of this crap for the first time. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life... so far. I miss her more than anything right now, but I keep going. I try to stay busy with all sorts of things, working out, Karate class, work, friends, family. I just picked up a shotgun about a month ago and have yet to use it. So now that you mention it, I think I will go out and do some skeet shooting when the weather clears up a little bit. Nothing like imagining the a-hole who stole her from me as being one of those clays! :D

You just got to keep plugging along and keep yourself occupied until the feelings pass, which for me and apparently for KC and you will take a while. I was with my ex for over 3.5 years. She left me for someone else while doing an internship in FL and strung me along for the last 3 months basically, all the while hiding the fact that she was talking to/see this other guy. So yea, I know how you feel and luckily you have family, friends, and people on here to help you through it. I know that they help me.

No one will say it's easy, but they will all say that everything will get better soon. Hopefully for us it will happen sooner than later.

Keep on moving forward man, you can do it. Don't be afraid to talk about with anyone. I have been finding, when I feel down about this, that talking it out with family and friends helps me feel better because they can offer an outside perspective on things that you may not be seeing right now because of the state of mind your in.

I never understood people who go full no contact if they still love the girl and would get back with her if she asked?

I understand the NC strategy to let someone breathe, or calm down, or realize what their missing, but I never liked the "go NC and hope she comes back, or maybe she will come back"

I was always the "if u want smthg, work for it" kind of guy... but that's just me

Good luck to u

Thanks guys, I appreciate your support.

Tab, the thing is while yes, I am still very vulnerable and yeah... you know what... I would go right back to her if she called me up right now. I'm not too proud to say that I'm still at that stage. The point of NC in this case is to help me move on and allow those feelings to go somewhere else, or deminish.

While yes, I'm the same way; you want something, you go after it... in this case, I can't get it if she doesn't want it...

Wow, Guido you are really committed in doing the NC thing. I applaud you for that =). Do you mind if I ask you the reason you two broke up??

It was a bunch of different factors that contributed to it... I normally don't talk about it, but I'm willing to...

She didn't like the line of work that I'm in... I'm a police officer... this is because I've had a couple of close calls... and before that, I was in the Army and that drove her nuts too because of what my job was.

Out of respect for myself and her, I will just say that the last straw is that she started lying to me and I can't deal with that... anyways, we got into an argument and I couldn't fully trust her answer. I took some time and went to a friends place for a few days. Well, I didn't get as much time as I needed and of course, went back. It lasted another two days and that was it... I left and now we're no longer talking... but honestly, most of the problems that happened took place because I got weak with her... after weakness follows insecurites... Women don't like weak, insecure men... and my ex needs the old me, not the one that I had become... so yeah...

To be honest, I hate NC... I want nothing more than to call her and assure her that everything is okay. My friends are telling me that things will work out, but I don't know for sure... I'm not banking on anything yet... I want it to work back out, but as long as we can't trust each other, then we're not going to work like we used to. I'm very forgiving when it comes to her and it sucks because no matter what she were to do, for whatever reason I would forgive her. My friends say that's a part of loving someone unconditionally, the way that you should love your wife or husband... me, I say it's a lot of BS... but I'm just worrying about me now... so I'm making a lot of improvements... but not for her... for me.

My friends say that's a part of loving someone unconditionally, the way that you should love your wife or husband... me, I say it's a lot of BS

I agree, who needs BS, or drama.

Yeah, I am finally starting to see that too. It's taken me a long time to figure that one out.

There was never any NEED for drama or BS in our relationship. For a very long time it wasn't there. Then one day, it's like "oh, didn't you know...this relationship is going to require some work." Now a lot of people say that it's the move that we made from one state to another that killed our relationship... some say that it's because we met when she was so young... I mean, yeah, she had just turned 19 and hadn't gotten to experience all of the things that I had gotten to. I say this... we're the ones who killed our relationship. We did that by not communicating with each other, and not being honest with each other. We can't blame any one person, or any one event on it... that's just the way it happened.

I've told someone this recently, before this relationship could ever work; we've both got to want it. It can't be one person giving in for the sake of the others happiness... if we do that, then we're just going to end up in the same place we started... my friends also tell me that I should consider moving back at some point... they say that you can't fix a problem like this being 500 miles away from each other... I say give it some time and see where it goes... like I said in the beginning; if it's meant to be, it will be...

It seems you made up your mind... then good luck to you... anyone that makes up his mind and does what he feels will not leave him regretting anything, I can support

So I guess give it time and if its meant to be it will.. I chose the other way, but each person knows his girl and situation best

Take care

Oh, don't get me wrong... like I said, I want to fight for her very much. The problem is though, fighting her for the right to be with her again is kind of a losing battle if you know what I mean... I just know that the two of us need our space and time apart... even if that is seeing other people or whatever... I am far from making up my mind, and I will be the first one to tell you that...

Go with your gut instinct. If you think she is with someone else why chase her more, especially if she has been lying to you and breaking down your trust. With out trust you have nothing. That's what happened with me and my ex, while we were on a break. She kept talking about this guy, breaking my trust. I was just to naïve to realize her true motive. I DIDN'T go with my gut...

If you have to fight with her to be with her... that is not good. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you, and not putting you through all of the BS.

Man up! Take a break for a bit, and rebuild your life WITHOUT her. Only then will your see through her BS and realize what's going on. Also talk everything out with friends and family.
They will offer you some face to face insight on your situation and help you figure things out. It been helping me out plenty. I've already noticed an improvement in myself and I just found out all the BS that was going on with my ex 6 days ago!! Yea, I have weak times almost everyday since, but definitely not as bad as the day after I found out what was going on!

It takes time... but don't waste your energy on someone who does want the same thing that you do.

Look damn it. I'll explain this as nicely as I can. If it was meant to be this would not have happened. The trust is gone and without that you can not have a healthy relationship. Move on without her and wait for the one who won't do things like this. She went on break to feel guilt free with hooking up with that guy which she did! No he is gone and an attempt to light the back burner failed, good for you bad for her. Move on to better things !

Okay... Look... don't even start telling me to "man up"... you don't know me... first of all, read the damn post... it says "fighting her to be with her is a losing battle." So obviously I have started to move on already...

And, I'm well aware of the F'ing situation of her having a fling with someone else... don't tell me that she did it to be guilt free because "she wanted to do it anyways." The fact of the f'ing matter is that we broke each others trust, I was no angel in all of this sh*t either... I couldn't give her what she needed... I became weak... so yeah, the break up was the right thing to happen... so don't even start telling me about moving on... I'm already moving the H on...

And you can't say that this would have never happened when if it was meant to be... my best friends parents are a prime example of that. They split up for 3 years after being together for 2... three years into it, they had pretty much removed themselves from each others lives... one day, she calls him up and what do you know... a year later my friend is born... so yeah, nothing is impossible... and like I said before, am I banking on this to happen to she and I? H NO... so yeah, it's okay for me to set and think that it would be nice that it didn't happen... that doesn't make me a child, or a boy... I'm a man...

Don't set and question my integrity... you two don't even have the respect and trust from me needed to start doing that since you don't know me...

Don't mean to be so harsh... I'm just being open and honest... sorry if you don't like it.

Yeah, I hate it when people tell you to man up and what to do when they don't even know u, and all they know is some words on a computer...

Happened to me tens of times on my thread! :)

U just got to appreciate the different advice you get, take what you think is relevant, and do it

I actually re-read your post... I somehow missed the part about another guy being in the picture... or she had a fling with a guy...

U have to really decide if you can still trust her or not... then decide if you want her back..

The only thing I hate more than regret is being cheated on or doubting my girl

I told my girl straight (if you read my thread): "i know we love each other and have a great time together, etc..but we are both technically still single..so the moment u like someone else, or have the urge to want to be with someone else, tell me! bc i dont like sitting and wondering and doubting..i will do the same for u"

Yeah... the fling happened AFTER I LEFT though... that's what they don't seem to get... once we're broken up, that's her business on how she fills the void of me being gone... which I know for a fact (a very reliable source) that is what she was doing. She didn't even do anything at all with this guy the first time they hung out... again I know this from the same person... so yeah, I have no problem if she's seeing someone else now... I know from the emails that I get periodically that she wants me to come back at times. The problem between us, besides the trust is... well, we're both too proud to give into each other right now... and we don't always communicate the way we should... we actually used to communicate via email when we were having problems. That way, we both got what we had to say out, without being interrupted... plus, we were both over it by the time we seen each other again.

Anyway, yeah... I hate it when people want to judge my character over what has been put on a thread... the thing is, they question whether I'm being a man about this... look, I'M THE ONE WHO LEFT... it takes more of a man to walk away from the woman he loves than it does for one to stay and beg his way back... there, I'm off my soap box for now... anyone else want to have a jab?

Well, NC lasted another day after my last post, basically. I was involved in a "crash" while working. While I was still out, my brother called my ex. Her and a friend rushed to the town I'm living in now.

She stayed with me for a week after I got out of the hospital... taking care of me and stuff... we got a chance to actually sit down and talk about things with no outside distractions at all... no one trying to make choices for either one of us. We're still not "together", but we've been talking of course... she stayed with me for a week after all... but anyway, she said last time I talked to her (before she left because she couldn't afford to miss anymore work) she said that the excitement was back for her. Honestly, I feel the same way. It's like we don't really even know each other anymore... I mean, we know what our likes and dislikes are, but we are acting completely different around each other.

I haven't quite opened up yet even though I'm about to explode inside, but I don't know... I don't want to allow myself to have any hope either because I'm not sure within myself that it will really work out or not.

I haven't talked to her all week since she left. She has called me, but I've been busy trying to get well again. She wants me to move back home, but I'm not sure that I'm ready for that yet.

On another positive note, when we talked, we both told one another everything that we were hiding from each other. I'm pretty closed off right now because I don't want to get hurt, but her best friend says that I have nothing to worry about because she realizes exactly what she was missing with me being gone.

Myself and one of my PD/old Army buddies think that she just realized this after I had the "crash" while working. To me, it shouldn't have taken me almost losing my life for her to realize exactly how much I mean to her, but I can't say what she was feeling before either, so it wouldn't be fair to say that this is the reason for her sudden new found glory.

Set it free and if it comes back... blah blah =D. Its up to you were you decided to take it now. But before you make a decision look back to the past on what happened. Both of you must be ready to work on what went wrong in order for it to last. I hope you weigh the choices here. I hope also you make a speedy and good recovery man.

Just for the record word of mouth from friends can be misleading consult the source.

Whatever the case, there is no hurry to make a decision. At this point, everything can wait until you are healed, and at full strength. Just pay attention to what goes on around you. Then when your ready to make a decision for yourself, you'll have facts amd not just emotions.

Speedy recovery!

I agree with the above 2 posts... decide if you really want her back first or not... ball in your court.. the crash can be emotional to the both of u

Get well soon...

Thanks guys... I appreciate it. I still haven't talked to her. She's called a few times while I've been out, but I'm not avoiding her either. I've been taking a lot of time to think about things and I'm starting to see things in a new light.

I think I'll probably move back, but I don't want to live together just yet. I think that we'll be fine this time because there was a release of crap that started to come out while she was here. This time though, I'm in a position where I won't get hurt again... if it doesn't work out, then I'm no worse off than I am now... if it does, that's great... we can go on with our lives again.

Well, just an update to the NC...

I didn't talk to her from the 20th (of November) until yesterday. I was in town taking care of something with a friend of mine. We went to grab something to eat and she walked in... to say the least, I was shocked.

Of course, just like everyone else, I thought that these feelings had finally left me... man was I wrong...

She noticed me and basically ditched the guy she was with to come talk to me. I stood up, being the respectful type of guy that I am... she smiled and hugged me... we talked for about 20 minutes or so until I said "Oh, look there...your date has left you..."

She asked me to come with her and I walked outside behind her... he was gone... she came back in and had a bite with my buddy and myself... She didn't have a ride back home, so I took her there and dropped her off... she wished me a safe trip back home and I was on my way.

I thought for sure these feelings were gone... I hadn't even thought about her for a second in over a month... then I seen her... it was like a the dam broke and my entire body became flooded by the old feelings... it was just like old times... no drama... just she and I. It was great... no fighting, talking about old times, and just doing things like we used to...

My friends tell me to stay away, but I have this unusual urge to just get in my truck and drive back there. I'm not going to do that because I've got my job to do, but the feeling is still there after almost 4 months...

4 months isn't that long of a time. I am in the same boat, so I know how you feel. Just take more time for yourself and by all means avoid anymore contact with her. You still love her, which is understandable, as I still love my ex. It is hard, especailly this time of year, but you know what you need to do, and you know you can do it...

You have had a reality check. You have found out that what you thought didn't pass the test, but you also learned something else.

You handled a shocking situation rather well, and didn't make an idiot of yourself, but came off like a mature gentleman. That's something you should be happy about.

You may not be as far down the road as you thought, but your certainly headed in the right directions.

Kudos, to you!