Hi all,

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years now. We are great together.
To give you a brief summary :- he was my first boyfriend, first guy I slept with. He had more experience is the bedroom when we initially started sleeping together. You can say he trained me and I'm comfortable with him.
He sometimes askes me to masterbate in front of him and I just can't get myself to do it, I feel ashamed and embarresed. He doesn't force me, but I know he would like to see me do it, and the other thing is I can't get myself to swallow.
I know a lot of his ex girlfriends have done both the above for him, and I feel like abit of competition. But all his ex's were very easy going girls, if you know what I mean.
We even have a friend (female) who talks about how she masterbates in front of her man when he is not in the mood, and it annoys me, that's she talks like that.
I don't know what to do.
HELP ME Please

First of all Sex is NOT the most important aspect of a relationship or it should not be in my opinion. Each individual is different, each individual has likes and dislikes. You can not get yourself to swallow, well then Don't. Who cares about the ex girlfriends. He is with you now and if you to love each other. Then both of your likes and dislikes should be considered and YOU SHOULD NOT feel obligated to do something you do not feel comfortable doing. As far as your friend who talks about sex all the time or masturbation, ignore her. Who needs to here that. Relationships, sexual relationships between two people in my opinion (Old Fashion) Should be kept between two people. Unless of course you need advice and it is natural to be curious and ask questions.

So relax, do not live in the shadows of previous girlfriends. You are you. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable enough to experiment or whatever but like I said none of this should matter if both of you love each other.

Joe

I know that sex in not the most imp aspect of relationship but I believe it is somewhat imp. A relationship with no good sex life isn't going to work really is it!

But thanks Jesushelper you made a lot of sense.
I don't like my mate taking about masturbation or using her vibrator in front of me and my boyfriend, its rude I think.

Coz even a to use a vibrator in front of my boyfriend I can't get myself to do that. Even when he uses it on me I feel stupid :(

I wonder if something is wrong me thou.
As most girls would do the above that I won't.

Its just how he says it to me :- oh it would be nice if you swallowed sometimes, or go on play with yourself in front of me.
When I say NO he don't keep going on at me at all but I can see d disappointment in his eyes :(

Hi, flower,
Sex and sexual thinking is different for some. It's sometimes normal for a man (or a woman) to want to watch another masturbate, or even try new sexual ideas.
The important thing here is for the partners to know what the other likes and dislikes. I've been married now for 29 yrs, and both my wife and I understand what each likes and dislikes; and we follow each's wishes.
More important is that your boyfriend should NOT be bringing this up, after you have expressed your feelings about it. It's his problem now, and he shouldn't keep on suggesting it.
Talk with him again about it, tell him "no", and don't bring it up again.
That's all you can do. If it gets to the point you can't handle it, then maybe it's time to move on.
Sex is important, more so for some than others, and a good sexual relationship will help build the relationship. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

I think its strange that your mate talks about masturbation and vibrators in front of you guys, does she not have any morals or shame?

She is a very out going gal. She doesn't think sometimes before she speaks.

Thanks a lot everybody.
You've helped me through today.

My boyfriend doesn't ask me to do these every time we are inimate but occasionally he does. But as you said Fred ill just say NO, till now I get myself to do those things.
I would even enjoy or even more so be comfortable.

HI,
You are welcome. Maybe you can come to enjoy some things, maybe not. But, your boyfriend shouldn't be "pressing you" or keep bring it up. He should be leaving it up to you as to what you like and don't like, for the time being anyway.

So you don't think I'm like this because he is my first sexual relation? And he had more than me.
That's also scares me, we are so good together.
I forgot to mention we are getting married next year, that thought scares me - I have only slept wi 1 person and that's my boyfriend!!

Hi, flower,
Not sleeping with anyone else is no reason to be concerned about getting married.
But, if you have doubts about getting married next year, then hold off. Getting married is a LOT easier than getting Divorced!. been there, done that.
A lot can happen before next year, and please don't worry about making any kind of commitment now. Marriage that is based on trust, love, compromise, caring, and wanting to be with the other person, is what's needed. If you don't have all these things, and more, then wait awhile.

All my mates have had like 5 or 6 or more sexual relations, and I've been wi my boyfriend for 5 yrs first man I slept with I'm totally in love but the thought of me never experiencing sex with another is abit scary, but I don't see myself wi anyone else bar my boyfriend.
Even people tell me are not scared, you have only experienced sex with 1 man??
I love him so much, but that thought bothers me...

Obviously this guy DOESN'T respect you. You should NEVER feel uncomfortable in the bed. He's a jerk for insisting on things you're not ready for. I think it's a big red flag.

NO he doesn't insist I do those things. Occasionally he asks, and when I say NO he doesn't sulk or anything, he just accepts it.
He does respect me and love me.
And I don't feel uncomfortable in bed, we have great sex.

Then what's the problem? Sounds like everything is OK.

Hi flower 81,
I think that when you are comfortable experimenting, you will. I know it can be a little scarey and all sorts of things go through your head, but you will when YOU are ready. I can tell you that if you two continue to talk about sex and other intimate matters you will grow closer. The more you talk, the more you share, etc. the closer you will become. Take care and good luck.:)

It doesn't sound like you want to get married... I've only slept with 1 person too, and Im still in love with him, if I only slept with him for the rest of my life I'd be a happy girl.

It sounds to me like you want to enjoy being single for a while... your friends having that many sexual partners doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You have been in one relationship, and its lasted for over 5 years.
You should be proud of the fact that you have only given your body to the man you love.

Flower,

There is nothing wrong with you at all. Honestly I believe my wife is exactly the same way as you. It is just fine with me. Natural, and experiancing life together. There is not need for vibraters and other stuff. Although I do know that there are many man that enjoy watching a girl masterbate that is up to the girl if she feels comfortable enough to do it or not. I have only been with one girl and the girl I am with has only been with me. We are married together. So we both experienced new things together. I personally think it is better that way.

Joe

First of all Sex is NOT the most important aspect of a relationship or it should not be in my opinion. Each individual is different, each individual has likes and dislikes. You can not get yourself to swallow, well then DONT. Who cares about the ex girlfriends. He is with you now and if you to love each other. Then both of your likes and dislikes should be considered and YOU SHOULD NOT feel obligated to do something you do not feel comfortable doing. As far as your friend who talks about sex all the time or masterbation, ignore her. Who needs to here that. Relationships, sexual relationships between two people in my opinion (Old Fashion) Should be kept between two people. Unless of course you need advice and it is natural to be curious and ask questions.

So relax, do not live in the shadows of previous girlfriends. You are you. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable enough to experiment or whatever but like I said none of this should matter if both of you love each other.

Joe


Dear Flower,
I think Joe put it beautifully, I'd like to stress the point which I found most important in his post: he's with you, has been for 5 years, he's not with the other girlfriends who did what you feel can't, at least not now. So, there are other things in his relationship with you, and about yourself that are more important to him.
Am I right?
As you say, he respects you, your feelings, and doesn't complain.
I wish you both the best of luck,
Millie
:)

It doesnt sound like u wana get married....I've only slept with 1 person too, and Im still in love with him, if I only slept with him for the rest of my life I'd be a happy girl.

It sounds to me like you wanna enjoy bein single for a while....your friends having that many sexual partners doesnt mean theres anything wrong with you. You have been in one relationship, and its lasted for over 5 years.
You should be proud of the fact that you have only given your body to the man you love.

I do want to marry him, I do really love him.
It just scares me that thought - that in my life I only experienced sex with one man, so is that a good enough reason to hold off the marriage, because I don't really think so!

Hi flower 81,
I think that when you are comfortable experimenting, you will. I know it can be a little scarey and all sorts of things go through your head, but you will when YOU are ready. I can tell you that if you two continue to talk about sex and other intimate matters you will grow closer. The more you talk, the more you share, etc. the closer you will become. Take care and good luck.:)

Do u really think I will ever be ready to experiment?
I do doubt it, as I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years which is a lot. I think in 5 years I would have been to experiment, don't u?

Hi, flower,
I am 64 yrs old, been married now 29 yrs, been through a lot, even a Divorce many years ago.
You really have a lot of thoughts, and have a lot of questions about getting married to this person. Your sexual relationship seems normal to me. Talking about sex, what you like, don't like, with your partner is a good thing.
But, are you ready for marriage? How old are you?
If you are younger than say, 22 yrs old, I would wait awhile. The Divorce rate in the US is now over 50-50, over half the marriages end in Divorce. If you are younger than 20, it's worse!
You need some time, time to decide what you want out of life. That's what dating is all about. Discover new people, and find out, for sure, what you want. I do wish you the best.
PS; I was with my first girlfriend for 6 years, thought we were going to get married eventually, after college. Wrong! She found someone else.

Hi Fredg,

Im 25.
The funny thing is I don't see my life without my man, but then again I get these scary thoughts. Put it this way I never dated no body else, I've meet guys in the past of course but nothing serious, just snogging and fooling about for a couple of weeks.
Maybe I'm confused, I really don't know :(

flower81,

If you are never ready to experiment, that would be okay. I think that fred had some good points. It sounds like you have a normal relationship, you should be talking to your boyfriend about your likes and dislikes and his too. I think that you should get to the comfort level that allows you to be open and honest. I don't think that you won't do it if you haven't already. Your relationship will always grow and evolve. That's great! Some people complain that their partners change in a relationship, I think that's awesome. You should grow, mature and change as the years go on. Do you want to experiment? Do you want to put yourself out there just a little? Personally, I would try baby steps. If he truly loves you and you love him, then I don't think it's too much. You don't need to feel embarrassed or shy if you both really love each other. I believe you can give a little, step out of your comfort level a little, as long as no one is getting hurt. You might surprise yourself. This might be too much information, but, I didn't get really comfortable in that way until my husband and I had been together for about 6 or 7 years. It has totally changed things for us. You learn another kind of trust. Through talking to friends I have found there is a definite difference between couples who have a great sexual relationship versus those that don't. All can have great relationships, but with great sex comes a deeper bond. This is just my own personal experience and opinion remember. Take care.

Chery are you der?

Hi Aqua, deep down in my inner self, I feel I want to satisfy him, I want to be his BEST. I know I please him and I also know to him I'm still his best, but god I feel confused about all of this because I believe in 5 yrs I should have wanted to experiment these things but then again mayb its just not me.
We do talk about we our likes and dislikes are. He knows mine - surely :) and so do I.
Do u think I should just try a little bit like you said?
Doing exactly what?
Use a vibrator or masterbate in front him? Or durin sex?

Flower, I think that no matter how long you have been together, there is always time to change things up a little. People change. I heard that women peak sexually much later than men. I wasn't really interested in experimenting or changing things up until my later 20s. (Could be because I was always pregnant or nursing throughout the mid 20s). Anyway, I would let go of the past and work on the present to create a great future. From what you are saying, I get the impression that you want to try if even just for him. I think you might surprise yourself and like it. Like I said, as long as no one will get hurt and he really loves you, I think you should go for it. Doing what exactly? Good question. I think, I think, that you should start small. Maybe masturbate during sex. I don't know. One step at a time.

You've been together for 5 years but believe it or not you both have a lot of growing to do together. Don't think for one minute you'll ever be at the point that the relationship cannot be made better or there is no more work to do. I've been married more than 30 years and we still have plenty to learn about each other and are committed to continue to talk and get better in our dealing with each other. It takes two you can believe it. Sex is a part of a relationship and its about give and take ,each of you has to be happy so you have to know each other and want to please each other. There is nothing worse than two people committed to each other and one is frustrated or unwilling to give of oneself to keep your partner happy. It's a lot of talking and understanding, but the rewards are true happiness and acceptance of each other. Good luck and be willing to listen as well as demand! His side counts to so find out what it is!:cool: ;)

Talaniman, thanks, u couldn't have put it better.

Are Krs and flower the same person?

No, why would u think that?

Are Krs and flower the same person?


Is it because of the thank you?
If so, sorry I should have explained it better. As I was thinking of an answer for flower, I read what talaniman wrote and he read my mind, so I wrote thank u.. Which is true I suppose to anyone it wouldn't make any sense bar me, that's why then I wrote a small note...
Saying - u couldn't have put it better.
Sorry for the misunderstanding

No problem, I was just curious because of your wording. Sorry about that, I guess I should have thought of that.

Flower, are you in this relationship in hopes that one day you two will get married? Is that something you've spoken about? You're young and there's no hurry, I just wondered what your intentions were to each other since you've been dating for 5 years. After that many years, you know if this person is THE ONE, really after only 2 years you know.

In any case, it appears that you may be more anxious to satisfy his needs than the other way around. I know you said he doesn't insist on you doing things you aren't comfortable with but after 5 years wouldn't he already know what you're willing to do and what you are not, why continue asking if he knows it will only make you feel anxious and bad about yourself. You said you want to be his best but he told you that you already were. If you feel in your heart, but most importantly, your brain is telling you that he loves you and is committed to you, than stop worrying and be confident in that love. There is nothing sexier than a confident woman.

As for your "mate" doing all that stuff in front of you, she needs to get a life, preferably not in the same home, much less same room. She was completely disrespecting you and you need to let her know that it won't be tolerated. Tell her too that if you want her comments, you'll ask for them, until then, she can shut her pie hole!

Yes momincali we are engaged, our plan is to get married in 2 yrs, when I'm 27.
Im positive he is the one, and he asked me to marry him so I'm sure I'm the one for him.
He fully satisfies my needs. I completely agree with you when you should already know what I'm willing to do and what I'm not, so I do ask myself why does he occasionally still ask me to do things I know I'm not comfortable. That confuses me slightly!

Why would a 'mate' talk about bedroom things in front of me and my boyfriend?
Do u think she has some bad intentions?

Maybe she's into threesomes? Maybe she's just crude? Ask her and tell her that her conversations make you uncomfortable(suspicious)!:cool: ;)