Me and my boyfriend are trulyy in love we are high school sweethearts. Its our first serious relationship ever. We are best friends. We are both 19 and I honestly got with him because he was mature,loving romantic and HONEST. So 2 yrs in the relationship we broke up once and it was 4 months ago, he wanted to leave me because he said he was scared because our relationship was too great and we were too happy so he questioned life ad he felt we were guna end up getting married.(commitment phobia) I thought heyy no biggy we can get through this, so I begged for him to get back with me and he couldn't help it, I know he loves me a lot. He goes away to college but he comes home every weekend and we were always on the phone.

Recently I went into his myspace and found a message from a girl they were basically planning to meet up, I never would invade his privacy but I had a feeling in my gut, I can read him sooo well. So I broke up with him and he refused to let me go! He didn't want to break up. After a few hrs he had made it clear it meant nothing and he just did it to flirt he wasn't guna do anything wt her, she's a girl he went out wit when he was a little boy so I said OK and I felt I couldn't let a slutt like her break us up(cuz she aked him out).

The next day when everything was supposed to get better, it got 100 times worse!! He told me that the time he wanted to break up 4 months ago was because the girl he kissed at the bar... he had SEX with her!! it hurts me to just hear that word :(... and he kissed 2 other girls at college.

So at his point I can not explain the pain in my chest.. I have done absolutely nothing but treat him like my prince. I am very attractive and always get hit on but I just laugh it off and show no interest. I am the most loyal and faithfull girl I respected him so much I mean I would do anything for him but this... I don't know if I can handle this :(


He says the reason he told me was because he realizes how much he truly loves me and he didn't want to live a lie.. and he doesn't want to leave this relationship. He says if I take him back he will not be away at college and I would see him a lot and he'll treat me just what I deserve to be treated like a princess, he's willing to sacrifice because I'm worth it... omgggg helppp!!
He says he was immature and confused it was his first year at college and that he didn't realize how much he wanted to be with me.. he says he's in love with me and doesn't want to lose me and that I mean the world to him. I am his best friend and like family. His family loves me we are all close. He says he regrets everything and that we learn from our mistakes... please help me he's been calling and texting and leaving voicemails please don't leave me but.. I don't know what to do. I do know I love him and I see myself being with him but I'm scared of getting hurt.. was this a phase? Is he over his fears?does he deserve another chance?

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OK so most of you think I should leave him... but its unbelievable the way we get a long I mean I'm not saying I forgive him.. I will NEVER forgive him but don't u guys think he deserves one last chance? Is it wrong? I have never in my life seen him cry and the day he broke the news he was crying like a baby.. he can really control his emotions and this shocked me. We were in his car when he told me and I flipped out and slapped him across his face and threw sooo many punches and he took it like a man. My heart is sooo in pain but a part of me wants to wait like a month or two and get back together maybe hell learn his lesson and the other part of me wants to never see him again but I dunt feel I can trully do that. This is a guy I talk to every single day and see him every day in the summer!! :( I can't imagine life with out him... I have the heart to let go trust me but I feel he's come to his senses of how serious our relationship really is... at this time I have over 20 textes from him and lost count of the calls and voicemails from only this morning and it happened last night... the only thing I do know and believe is the other girls didn't mean anything. And someone said that he probably slept wit the other girls.. its not true I don't believe that, he wudve definitely told me.. wen he confesed he meant it and he felt releaved... I don't want to c him for a long time thou I know that... so does he deserve a chance at all?


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"""My bf is my best friend too because if you look at them without the love part you still do have the friend bond as well or it is not as likely to be a lasting relationship.

Up until the part about meeting a girl in the bar I would have said that since you got together so young it can be natural for one to want to find out what they are missing especially when they are off to college and you at home. But the rest is like he is not ready for you or any relationship and you need to just let him go until he comes to realize you were the best thing for him. If that were to happen one day then maybe give him another chance but in the meantime let him go. He doesn't seem to be committed enough to really know what he wants yet.

"If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it.. . """""


Wow thanks I agree sooooo much with you that's what my aunt said but I'm soooo scared you knoo I'm actually so numb from the pain I almost didn't cry last night when I got home from the bad news. I think ill let him go free for a while but I already know the answer to that... he will return everyday... ill keep you guys updated

Once a cheater, always a cheater. He will only continue to do this because HEY! You forgave him before, why wouldn't you again

First, before I even read the thing... let me answer: yes. You should leave him.

... now, let me read.

Ah, now that I've read it...

Yes. You should leave him.

1. you two are high school sweethearts... that term only applies when you two have been together AFTER high school... for some time.

2. that whole "we're TOO happy...and I'm afraid of getting too close" is code for "I need to bail out and see whatelse is out there."

3. he cheated on you. The whole, "I don't want to live a lie" thing... that's straight bs. It just means that the thing with the other girl just didn't work out. He's been living a lie, why not continue to live a lie now?

Bail out. Bail out. Bail out.

Also, learn from your mistakes... Yes, I agree... Forgetting to turn off the oven(mistake you learn from), Not putting the E-brake on in your manual car(mistake you REALLY learn from) and lastly, pulling your zipper up to fast(Oh you better freakin learn that quickly guys!)

Cheating, not a mistake, it's a choice... Just go listen to the song "Should've said no" by Taylor Swift

I hate to break it to you, but if he really, truly, LOVES you- he wouldn't need to cheat. I loved my girlfriend while we were still together and I was always around some seriously attractive girls that me and my buds chill with. But you know what? I didn't make any advances toward them, I didn't do anything to them. To me they were just some cool people and I felt no need to jeopardize what me and my girlfriend had- to be honest- it never crossed my mind. I loved her and she was all I needed- so other girls weren't even in the picture. To me that's what true love is- you don't need another person to have sex with. Your truly loving relationship should be 100% monogamous. If I were you, I'd ask him why he felt the need to have sex with another woman if he truly loves YOU. Because to me, love and cheating, cannot go together and probably never will go together... I hope you make the right choice!

-Drew

Oh and you said that you're his best friend. Perhaps you guys should only be best friends. I've never heard anybody body say that their best friends with their partners. By the time you become BF and GF you should have passed the friendship ship stage a while before and left that far behind. So now that your thinking that you're best friends, maybe you've lost that a bit of the feelings you had for him. Just step back and take in the situation from the objective perspective.

I disagree with you Andrew, but won't give you a reddie, my girlfriend is one of my bestfriends. You can't have a relationship with someone and not consider them a friend as well. 9/10 times friendships that go into a relationship are built stronger. Every girl I have dated has been my friend while we dated as well

If you're happy with someone why would you want to leave because you're "too happy"? Most people spend a good portion of their lives looking for what makes them happy, not running from it so that should've been your first red flag.

Yeah, now he realizes "i screwed up, she'll forgive me and I'm at college so I can feed her these bs lines and she'll believe me and I can still do whatever I want to." Rome is right, once a cheater, always a cheater. Always.

If he really loved you he wouldn't think twice about looking at or hooking up with another girl. And telling you its because he kissed her then after awhile telling you he slept with her, he's probably done it with other girls its just now eating at his conscience.

My ex did the same thing. He professed his love to me, he was my first boyfriend and yeah, I believed him. He left for "truck driving school" in Arizona and told me he was in chicago for days on his 6week training run and it turns out he skipped town and was about 2-3 hours away working for some other company seeing some girl named Brook. He came back and said he loved me and that there was nothing between them, she was just his bosses's daughter and they hung out and then when he was back she would show up, his "old friend" whats-herface would show up, let him borrow her car and then he was living with his best friend's sister and "her boyfriend" which turn out to be him. But he told me for MONTHS that there was nothing between him and any other girl and that it was only me.

He was seeing 6 girls at one time. He still cheats on her (the one he was living with) any chance he can get, and she just had his baby.

Cheaters never stop cheating. They just make up more elaborate lies to cover up the truth.

I have to disagree with andrew too. My boyfriend is my best friend. We were best friends before we got together and we're really close.

I suppose it's just how you word it. I feel like 'friends' is far too weak a word to describe two people who truly love each other. That's all I'm really saying. For instance- when I think friends, I think of people who look out for each other and like to hang out. But when I think of lovers, I think of two people who can't imagine life without each other. They some will do anything and everything for each other. They draw strength from each other and can't stand the thought of being separated. They love each others' flaws and can't imagine them changing. It's that higher level of connection and compatibility that I don't feel 'friend' or even 'best friend' can come close to describing. So in the end it comes down to what your definition of friend or best friend is. To you, friendship is something that can describe a relationship where two people are in love. I just feel that 'friend' can't even scratch the surface of what true love is... in the end- perception is reality...

My boyfriend is my best friend too because if you look at them without the love part you still do have the friend bond as well or it is not as likely to be a lasting relationship.

Up until the part about meeting a girl in the bar I would have said that since you got together so young it can be natural for one to want to find out what they are missing especially when they are off to college and you at home. But the rest is like he is not ready for you or any relationship and you need to just let him go until he comes to realize you were the best thing for him. If that were to happen one day then maybe give him another chance but in the meantime let him go. He doesn't seem to be committed enough to really know what he wants yet.

"If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it.. .

Once a cheater, always a cheater. He will only continue to do this because HEY! you forgave him before, why wouldn't you again


But he knows if I forgive him now I will NEVER forgive him again.. hes sure of this... his biggest fear is never seeing me again and not being with me

Jenny,

If you don't want to leave him and you believe him, then work it out. Obviously you care for him, so make it work and tell him that if this ever happens again, that's it, and stick to your guns

How many times he cheated on you and how many more times will he do it? If he respected you or loved you so much he would not had. Now he's gulity because of the girl you find him talking to. She's not the slut like you called her but he is so what do you call him. If you think what you have with him is real or going be, think again. What will happen the next time he's at bar, I guess liquor is the blame, not.

There will always be tempation and he proved that he's weak. Being faithfull is not him and in return you'll be the one that get hurt, not him.

Many people are capable of learning their lesson she has to determine if he is one of them IF she wants to forgive him and take him back

Some people change and most don't. I could see if he did it once, but one, two, three and wa going meet an fourth. That seems to be his behavior.

Jenny, if you do decide to forgive note that you can't throw it in his face whenever you want or get into an argument. You need to know of the feelings that will come with staying with, questioning his every move, wondering if he's doing it again, etc. These thoughts will enter your mind because the trust is broken and its hard to gain back. Know that and just be aware of what you getting into.

Be smart, take your own sweet time to think about it, and make a decision when you're a lot less emotional. Now isn't it. Why should you be in a hurry to decide anything, when he is the one who screwed up. He may never learn his lesson, and you may never be happy with him, so don't be to hasty and forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Right now he doesn't, just because he has proved NOTHING. Boohooing, and begging doesn't count.

Wow thanks guys for your comments...

When he slept with the other girl he was drunk.. and I will call her a SLUTT (she is a slutt, she just met him and wanted to get in bed which means she probably does this all the time... I wudnt call my ex a slutt because for one he's coming clean and he told me what was bothering him and I also want to say after he tried to break off the relationship I started acting different I wasn't enjoying it, wasn't having genuine fun and he knew this, I have a very strong bond with him, like a spiritual bond, I know when hesw hiding something, I go to my phone to c if he called and than it starts ringing its really weird it's the same with him, he would say I was JUST guna call you and he would start freaking out lol... anywayyy and also when he kissed the two girls we were not together. We were broken up for a month and he did it during that process... but when we were together and he revealed he wasn't ready for commitment around that time while we were still together he slept with that girl and wanted to reak up because he said he loves me so much and that I don't deserve this from anyone. If you loved me why did you do it in the first place? He says well baby I told you I was just going through a lot you know I'm at college and my friends all go out and stuff and I felt I wasn't ready to be with you and because you were such a pefect girl friend and unever did anything wrong it freightened me... I know we are young but maybe he did learn his lesson because I know him the best... he was going through a stage where he was really confused and immature and he tells me he manned up to this situation.

He said he is finally 100 percent sure that he wants to be with me and he now knows what its like to not have me in his life and he is depressed I know this.. he talks to mme about everything.. his dad, sister all kinds of personal things and I'm like his dr.phil you knoo. He says now that he is 100 percent sure what he wants he has to be a man and take the first step... which is revealing all of his secrets.

At this point I want to avoid him... my phone has not stopped!! My myspace inbox is full and he has been texting me literally every 5 to 10 minutes since the 22th around 9:00. I feel I should keep my distance and teach him a really long lesson.

One more bad news...

He changed his password on myspace.. andi asked him why and immediately told me the password and said he didn't know y... so I said you do know this a huge red flag for me stating that you might still have secrets and your ready to move on if I don't take you back (which I'm not guna rushh at alll!! ) that you are sure to continue to have secrets and not have me see it!! Am I right??

Honest opinion, the trust in this relationship is so screwed it will never work out. If you chose to take him back, you have to forgive this entire episode which means the trust has to be restored because you accept his faults. That will be the only way this thing would work, and obviously you don't want to do because you want to know all his myspace information.

On another note, using NC to teach someone a lesson is really immature and totally the wrong direction NC is used for on these forums.

OK so the trust has to be restored so that's y I'm thinking maybe I should give myself a lot of time to think about all this and when I'm ready and if he's still trying to get with me and wanting me back so bad than I can start all over and put everything in the past... I know if some else was going through this I would say FORGET HIM!! But believe its easier said than done... its sooo much pain... and he's the most honest person I know.. but the only reason he kept it was because he knew I would walk rite out of his life and he was scared of losing me.. im usually very decisive but this is just freakin tooo muchhhh rite now!!

It is easier said than done, but I have done it. It hurt, a lot but you get through it. You meet new people who don't feel the need to take a break when things get tough or cheap on you with SEVERAL people.

Something else I forgot to put in my last post, don't disrespect the girl by calling her a "slutt" unless you are willing to admit your "man" is one as well. Same shoe different foot

Your boyfriend is full of sh*t. There's no excuse for picking girls at a pub/bar unless it's a slow make-the-fuq-out session in the car. He went for sex which IS CHEATING. I don't care what his reasons were, but you got to be the bigger person and say "hey, you fuqed another girl, lied about it, tried to conceal the truths... how the hell are you trustworthy? Are you in between the legs or between the head?"

ok so the trust has to be restored so thats y im thinking maybe i should give myself alot of time to think about all this and when im ready and if hes still trying to get with me and wanting me back so bad than i can start all over and put everything in the past...i kno if some else was going through this i wud say FORGET HIM!!! but believe its easier said than done...its sooo much pain...and hes the most honest person i kno..but the only reason he kept it was becuz he knew i wud walk rite out of his life and he was scared of losing me..im usually very decisive but this is just freakin tooo muchhhh rite now!!!!
Tell him to go back to his trailer trash apartment cause he's not worth a penny.

I told him the other day, you want to know a secret? I sometimes think you cook me dinner and treat me so great and tryyy your besst to please me all out of GUILT. And his face turned pale.. I said this when I found his conversation with his crush from middle school. And its trully how I used to feel. He was that afraid of losing me.but I'm not stupid I had a feeling..

i told him the other day, you wana kno a secret? i sometimes think u cook me dinner and treat me soo great and tryyy ur besst to please me all out of GUILT. and his face turned pale..i said this wen i found his convo with his cush from middle school. and its trully how i used to feel. he was dat afraid of losing me.but im not stupid i had a feeling..

There you go. You realized that he is a piece of trash so why not get rid of it?

Be smart, take your own sweet time to think about it, and make a decision when your a lot less emotional. Now isn't it. Why should you be in a hurry to decide anything, when he is the one who screwed up. He may never learn his lesson, and you may never be happy with him, so don't be to hasty and forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Right now he doesn't, just because he has proved NOTHING. Boohooing, and begging doesn't count.



This makes a lot of sense..

Having had a big life when I was younger, having dated her for 6+ years, HS, college, and having had her cheat... I think some young, big loves are amazing and intense and aren't meant to last. College years have lots of change. Then even more after.

She was my best friend. I had connections with her that I've never had with any other, even my great wife, now together ten years.

First big loves are amazing, and when they fail it knocks you down hard.

I really, really think you need to step back.

Can't live your life for you or make the mistakes you might need to make to be where I've been and know what I've known.

And do not call the girl a slut. I don't care if you think she is. She has NOTHING to do with your relationship with him. There will ALWAYS be willing and interested people who will tempt and chase your mate. There's a man in mexico who would bed my wife in a heartbeat when she's there on business. Boys in seattle that try to drink her under the table with champagne, hoping she will finally relent. Don't blame the girl one bit. He controls his pants, in theory at least. Walking away from "free", "uncomplicated" sex with a person who doesn't care you are tied down isn't always easy... been there, done that... but it is a choice each person makes. So lay off the girl... easy or not, he chose her.

So... what next? Your call. Every person deserves some privacy. I don't read my wife's journals. But myspace isn't about privacy. Its about making friends and conncetions to real people.

I wish you the best... unfortunately, sometimes the "best" for you isn't what you want. Thank GOD I didn't get what I desired most at 21. Would be miserable today.

I've got to agree with Rome. This relationship is messed up, and it would a lot to put it back together.

He says he left the first time because he wasn't ready to be with your because he thinks your perfect. WHY THE HECK WOULD ANYONE WANT TO GIVE UP PERFECTION IF IT WAS HANDED TO THEM?? Wouldn't he want to keep you? This sounds like a load of BS to me. He felt guilty about seeing other girls and came clean, now he wants you back. If he really loved you he wouldn't have slept with other girls while the two of you were on a "break". He would've been figuring out what he wants.

He changed his passwords because he WAS hiding something from you: the other girls. Yeah, he may have gotten rid of them out of his myspace inbox, but he'll change his passwords again the next time he screws up.

Both of you have some serious maturing to do before you enter into a grown up relationship.

You seem to misplace the blame. In your post you stated he cheated and now everything was done while your was on break.

The slut, as you call her, did not make him sleep with her nor did the liquor. I go to bars and drink and leave with no one. Let him take the blame and no one else.

If he loved you as much as he stated he would restrain from hurting you. Leaving someone not easy but its doable and life don't end. If you like your world being upside down by checking his messages, phone log, question this and that then stay but know its unhealthy mentally. No matter what you do you can't control him. All because he told you, was eating him up, but what happens the next time?? Are you going blame the girl instead of who you with?

Well I know I called her a slut but guys its out of anger and when you love someone you blame the others :/ god gave us all a BRAIN and we control it and make our own decisions.. an I still think she's a slut.. she has no respect for herself... I cherish my bodyy so muchh and that's y he was my first and only... I despise girls like that.. infact I should kind of be glad all this happen because the truth of his personallity was finally revealed and my way of thinking was completely off about who he really was.. I just wish I had a boyfriend that was like me.. faithful and honest and loves me uncondiotionally unfortantly I thought I had found him :(

AND I DO BLAME MY BOYFRIEND FOR Everything Don't GET ME WRONGG he betrayed our trust

well i kno i called her a slut but guys its out of anger and wen u love someone u blame the others :/ god gave us all a BRAIN and we control it and make our own decisions..an i still think shes a slut..she has no respect for herself...i cherish my bodyy soo muchh and thats y he was my first and only...i despise girls like that..infact i should kinda be glad all this happen because the truth of his personallity was finally revealed and my way of thinking was completely off about who he really was..i just wish i had a boyfriend that was like me..faithful and honest and loves me uncondiotionally unfortantly i thought i had found him :(

Hey, don't put yourself down. Many people experience what you are experiencing.

Healthy, lasting love is rarely "unconditional"

Most people don't end up with their first. And some people kiss a lot of frogs before they find their prince.

Yeah it hurts to lose him, but like you said you found out his true personality, and its better you found out now rather than later when you're married, have a couple of kids and he decides to leave you for the hussy down the street...

You'll find someone that makes you happy. I did. I was a serial dater. From the time I was 16 on I dated 3-5 guys at a time (dated, not slept with) and when I was 21 I found the cheater and at 23 I found my boyfriend now. He's not perfect by any means, but he is faithful, and loyal and knows how to treat a girl right.

You're young, you'll find someone. In the mean time, have fun with your friends and just go with the flow.

Very well said, thanks for sharing. Darn fat fingers!

Lol, my fingers do that too. :) I blame it on the keyboard.

he changed his password on myspace..andi asked him y and immediatly told me the password and said he didnt kno y.....so i said u do kno this a huge red flag for me stating that u might still have secrets and ur ready to move on if i dont take u back (which im not guna rushh at alll!!!) dat u are sure to continue to have secrets and not have me see it!!!! am i right????????

Regardless of the fact that he's a cheater, and you should not trust him... why are you so controlling that you have to know his password? He made that account for his personal use, and though you've seen what he's done, seen his true personality, and seen how he is around other girls... spying on his account is also a big problem in your relationship.

I made my girlfriend a myspace account, I know her password, and yet I NEVER go on it because I would not want to invade her privacy. To be fair though, she and I are completely faithful to one another, even through our ups and downs. I know she's a flirt, just as she knows I am a flirt, and as long as it's left at that, and doesn't go into anything more, then we're chill.

The other girl is not a "slut", you know nothing about her that justifies whether she is constantly sleeping around with other men on a habitual occurrence. Nor is calling your boyfriend a slut truthful as well, he's a cheater, but (as far as you, and all of us know) he's only cheated on you once (sexually that is) which isn't justifiable for the word "man-whore, slut, etc."

There are both trust issues, and immaturity issues in your relationship. Personally I don't think he's worth it at your point in time. No contact is used for healing, not as a leash to keep him begging for you. You need to be 100% happy with yourself, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, to be able to have a great relationship.

You > boys.

Regardless of the fact that he's a cheater, and you should not trust him...why are you so controlling that you have to know his password? He made that account for his personal use, and though you've seen what he's done, seen his true personality, and seen how he is around other girls...spying on his account is also a big problem in your relationship.

I made my gf a myspace account, I know her password, and yet I NEVER go on it because I would not want to invade her privacy. To be fair though, she and I are completely faithful to one another, even through our ups and downs. I know she's a flirt, just as she knows I am a flirt, and as long as it's left at that, and doesn't go into anything more, then we're chill.

The other girl is not a "slut", you know nothing about her that justifies whether or not she is constantly sleeping around with other men on a habitual occurence. Nor is calling your boyfriend a slut truthful as well, he's a cheater, but (as far as you, and all of us know) he's only cheated on you once (sexually that is) which isn't justifiable for the word "man-whore, slut, etc."

There are both trust issues, and immaturity issues in your relationship. Personally I don't think he's worth it at your point in time. No contact is used for healing, not as a leash to keep him begging for you. You need to be 100% happy with yourself, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, to be able to have a great relationship.

You > boys.


Well apparently you don't have a reason to do such a thing.. going through your partners myspace but I do.. he made me feel to catch the opportunity.. when your partner makes you suspicious trust me you will luk... I mean our relationship has no trustt and apparently yours does but don't say you wudnt ever do that like I'm a bad person... in 2 years I checked his phone once and myspace twice

well apparently u dont have a reason to do such a thing..going through ur partners myspace but i do..he made me feel to catch the opportunity..when ur partner makes u suspicious trust me u will luk...i mean our relationship has no trustt and apparently urs does but dont say u wudnt ever do that like im a bad person...in 2 years i checked his phone once and myspace twice

I'm not trying to bash you, don't take it personally. I personally wouldn't do that because if I had thoughts or reason to believe my girl was cheating, and found out it was true.. she'd be gone quicker than she can finish explaining why she did it. You're not a bad person, but there shouldn't be a reason why you would need to know his password after he cheated because you should just stop talking to him for a while.

You need to understand that he had sex with ANOTHER GIRL. Sex is the closest form of physical attraction, emotion that you can share with another human being. And he stuck it into some random girl. What if he has an STD? What if he has Aids? You REALLY don't want to be the loser in that situation by letting him back into your life.

No Contact, let him understand you need to just have some time to yourself, ask him not to contact you but that you'll contact him when you see fit. (And not that does not mean in 2 days!)

Take care of yourself, before you decide whether ALWAYS being suspicious around him is what you want... believe me, you will never have the healthy relationship you want to have.

Alrighty, look this might really really hurt you.
I'm sad to say this but, it's kind of true... once a cheater always a cheater.
When you forgive them once, they'll think "hey, i got away with this, who cares, she'll still be there" I'm having the same problem now, no cheating but... the guy is taking me for granted and thinks I'm always going to be there. Because I kept going back to him, kept talking to him... I couldn't admit to myself he's not going to change. You have to try to move on, just go out party have fun, be good, try another guy out. I doubt this one is good for you, show him you don't need him. & ignore him, if he truly loves you he's comes crawling back to your door , etc. Just try your best to move it, it won't be easy, TRUST ME. I doubt you'll find a guy who won't take take you for granted when you give him another chance... so yeah... think about it. (:

No Contact, let him understand you need to just have some time to yourself, ask him not to contact you but that you'll contact him when you see fit. (And not that does not mean in 2 days!)


GREAT SUGGESTION!

GREAT SUGGESTION!!

I learned from you Talaniman! Hahah.

Seriously, to anyone reading this. Take Talaniman's advice, feel free to go read my old threads as he has some GREAT advice.

No sugar coating, just the truth, which is the best way to approach all of these situations.

And that's why Talaniman is fabulous. Lol

THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY!!!!


alrite guys...im finally 100% on wat ive decided...

for one i will not get back with him..my aunt had lent him a bookand i had to go pick it up yesterday.. I had a feeling this would happen.. so I drove to his house and before I did I had sent him multiple textes saying to put the book in the mailbox and I don't want to see your filthy face. So he kept responding how sorry he was and blah blah blah.. I just wanted to make sure he would put it.. because I knew if he sees me he won't let me go.. I also told him to tell his dad to put it since he wasn't home which was great but he wudnt tell me if his dad was home because he's usually working.. so I didn't want to just drive there and have him not be there.

****the day before yesterday i put all the memories,pictures album, valentines day cards, christmas cards, even noted we passed in high school in AP chemistry, i went to his house he was home i saw his car so i quickly hung the bag with stuff on his mailbox and after i left i told him to take it...i had to take the first step to make myself get over him and doing this meant sooo much to me..it made me feel strong..so he eventually got the bag and he sent me messages saying that u see u do love me and u kno i love u ths symbolizes our love and i wrote if u loved me u wudve not done wat u did wit that girl in fact i can't even say u care about me because u just dont hurt people u care about..obviously u didnt care so love is beyond"" anyway and thats wen i had gottn a call from my aunt saying she needed her book it means a lot to her..so i told him to drop it in his mailbox...
so back to wat i was saying..i drove to his house and there was no book in the mailbox soo i started yelling a storm in my car and i texted him a really mean text once again basically saying put it in the mailbox and go inside or ill drive off.
while im texting this kid comes out with the bag i gave him of all of our stuff and my heart dropped wen i saw him.. I really didn't want to see him.. so I figured the book was in the bag I gave him.. he ran to my car and tried to open the door but I locked it.. his eyes were soooo puffy and teary he luked soooo depressed I've never seen him like that.. so I opened the wimdow just a little it and yelled give the f-in bag.. so he just kept saying baby just please please please listen to me for a little bit pleasee and at this point he was crying and crying non stop.. and I took the bag finally.. and I'm in the car guys he's locked out know that.. so he gives me the bag and me smart I luked inside and see that the book wasn't inside..

It was all the stuff that I had given him the memories.. so he said baby please take them back I know how much they mean to you please.. and he said he put a letter inside for me so I took it out and I crumbled it in his face and said "it means NAAA--thingggg to me!!!!!" and he began crying to a point where he cudnt even talk...he said baby u dunt mean that..u dont.. u dont u dont!! baby pease u know i love u and i now kno how stupid i was..if u dont come back to me now i WILL earn u back and i will do everything i have to..because i deep inside my heart want u to be happy and even if its a different guy i still want the best for u believe me wen i say this but i can't even think that i kno I CAN BE THAT MAN.. I WANT TO UR MANNN and ONLY urs and u be my girl and ONLY GIRL BABY

Things he said.. baby this was so long ago please I made a huge mistake I was immature and stupid and I can honestly say I'm the f-in stupidest guy on earth.. I had something so precious and I just threw it away( I said.. IT WAS 4 MONTHS AGO your guna tell your matured and you became a man during that time?? ) he says baby please take me back I promise you I've changed and the word please and don't leave me wer said sooo much I lost count... he said I promise I will be your man the man you deserve I will baby please give this only chance please! And he's crying.. at this point I'm yelling get me the book and he is trying to get his arms in the wimdow which he couldn't because I kept shutting it..

than i had had it soo i lowered my window and got close to his face and said GET ME THE BOOOOKKKK!!!! im not listening to ur lies and bull just GOOOOOOOO!!!!
he said baby i can't do that im sorry.. I can't let you goooo please don't leave meeeee and I smacked him while he was saying all this... guys I was soooooo heatted..

wen i went not to sound conceated lol but i luked hott i had my nice and my glasses on the thing that reallllyyyy got him emotional was wen i said luk at mee..(i pulled up my sunglasses) and said u see......not one tear...luk whose crying now..luk whose begging now and i smiled..he just BROKEEE down.

Than I had also told him this.. I took off my sunglasses again and said "listen move on I'm never guna get back with u... and omg that was the worst thing ever for him... I said I don't feel bad for... and he kept begging baby at least let me sit in your car and talk please.. ive been sooo depressed I can't function I can't breath your my life and I'm not letting you go.. baby disrespected my family and yours by my dumb action and most of all you... I don't care what you say to me say what ever you want because I deserve it(guys I've never hit him before.. ive never cursed at him never because we HAD respect but now that its all gone it kills him for me to talk to him this way)

OK SO I GOT REALLY MAD RAN OUT OF MY CAR AND RAN INTO HIS HOUSE..HE RAN AFTER ME AND I WENT TO LUK FOR THE BOOK AND MY LUCK HE HID IT..HE KNOWS ME TOO WELL..SO I BEGAN SCREAMING WHERE IS THE BOOK..HE PICKED UP THE CRUMBLED BABY HE WANTED ME TO READ FROM MY CAR AND HE BEGAN READING IT OUT LOUD..IT WAS A PAGE FROM HIS JOURNAL FROM WEN ME AND HIM FIRST HUNG OUT AND HOW MUCH HE LIKED ME..I TOOOK IT OUT OF HAND AND SLAPPED HIM WITH IT..GUYS I CUDN CONTROL MY SELF IM USUALLY THE GIRL THATS ANTI PHYSICAL ABUSE LOL BUT I CUDNT CONTROL MY SELF. HE ONLY BLOCKED ME AND KEPT TALKING AND SAYING FORGIVE ME PLEASEEE AND SH-IT. FINALLY HE GAVE ME THE BOOK CUZ I WAS GOING CRAZYYY CUZ I WNTED TO LEAVE HIS HOUSE WE WERE IN HIS ROOM U KNO..HIS BED WAS RITE THERE AND IT HURT ME TO LUK AT IT CUZ WE SHARED A LOT OF SPECIAL MOMENTS ON IT AND NOT JUST LOVE MAKING. ANYWAY I GOT THE BOOK AND RAN SOOOOO FAST OUT HIS HOUSE AND HE WAS RITE BEHIND ME..HE WANTED TO HOLD AND STUFF BUT HE KNEW THAT WAS THE WORST THING HE CUD DOO..CUZ I WUD FLIPP A SH-IT. SO WEN I GOT IN MY CAR HE RAN IN AND HE SAT IN THE PASSENGER SEAT!!!OMG I WAS SOOO PISSED..ALL I WANTED WAS THE DAM BOOK AND I CUDNT GET IT ANY WAY ELSE CUZ ONLY HE KNEW WHERE IT WAS AND HE WUDNT DROP IT OFF AT MY AUNTS!! HE DID IT CUZ HE WANTED TO C ME AND TALK. AND I WENT THERE KNOWING THIS BUT I ALSO DID IT SO HE CAN C HOW MUCH IM OVER HIM IN JUST 2 DAYS!!

So he of course continued to say a whole lot of bull... baby listen I can't let you leave me please give a chance and I promise you it will change and I will stay at my aunts house and be home every weekend and but I didn't care and he said he would come home during the week sometimes because his aunt lives between his schol and my house. He could come home half the time...
i said listen get this in ur puny brain my heart is sealed and i can NEVER let u back in u understand??u betrayed my trust for u and its all been lies after lies!!!!im screaming these sentences and hes crying like a lil baby. i can never satisfy u after wat u did..u had sex with me and than with her and than WITH MEE!! do u understand..congradulations u got wat u effin wanted and now u can be free and screw as many girls as u want!! because im stronger and numb from the pain that i dont bother to care anymore. after this pain i can handle anything and that means letting u go((((dammm im mad nice hahahah)and he began cryingggggggggggggg and cryingggggggggg and cryingggggggggg he couldn't even talk from his tears.. i said to him i dont feel bad for u and before u had told me baby dont ever think that u were never good enough because ur the best girlfriend any guy can ask for... i said ITS NOT THAT I WAS NEVER GOOD OF FOR U...ITS THAT I WAS TOOOOOOOO GOOD FOR YOU) another nice one by mee haha and his last thing he said to me was I promise I'm going to earn you back and I don't care how long it takes because your my life.. I said what the hell do you want from me! Its not guna happen and he refused to accept that. I had also told him listen this is just a phase you may feel like now but your guna eventually forget me and move on I mean I am, I'm going out this weekend with kayla and he broke down once again... and he said no baby please donttt.. I can't have you be wit other guys and I said watch mee and smiled.. OK the end my fingers hurt haha

OK so that's my 1st love tragic ending story please comment if you have advice for me regarding my future with this cheater, I can only say that I am in love with him and I told him listen I want to be with you soooooooooooooo bad as much as u BUT I can't and he said yes you can baby please but I didn't listen.. maybe in like year or sumtin maybe we can start all over? But I don't think I can with the way I feel now you know but people do deserve another chance and they also deserved to be punished. His punishment is never seeing me... give me some advice ;)

THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY!!!!


alrite guys...im finally 100% on wat ive decided...

for one i will not get back with him..my aunt had lent him a bookand i had to go pick it up yesterday..i had a feeling this wud happen..so i drove to his house and b4 i did i had sent him multiple textes saying to put the book in the mailbox and i dont want to see ur filthy face. so he kept responding how sorry he was and blah blah blah..i just wanted to make sure he wud put it..cuz i knew if he sees me he wont let me go.. i also told him to tell his dad to put it since he wasnt home which was great but he wudnt tell me if his dad was home because hes usually working..so i didnt wana just drive there and have him not be there.

the day before yesterday i put all the memories,pictures album, valentines day cards, christmas cards, even noted we passed in high school in AP chemistry, i went to his house he was home i saw his car so i quickly hung the bag with stuff on his mailbox and after i left i told him to take it...i had to take the first step to make myself get over him and doing this meant sooo much to me..it made me feel strong..so he eventually got the bag and he sent me messages saying that u see u do love me and u kno i love u ths symbolizes our love and i wrote if u loved me u wudve not done wat u did wit that girl in fact i can't even say u care about me because u just dont hurt people u care about..obviously u didnt care so love is beyond"" anyway and thats wen i had gottn a call from my aunt saying she needed her book it means a lot to her..so i told him to drop it in his mailbox...
so back to wat i was saying..i drove to his house and there was no book in the mailbox soo i started yelling a storm in my car and i texted him a really mean text once again basically saying put it in the mailbox and go inside or ill drive off.

while im texting this kid comes out with the bag i gave him of all of our stuff and my heart dropped wen i saw him.. i really didnt want to see him..so i figured the book was in the bag i gave him..he ran to my car and tried to open the door but i locked it..his eyes were soooo puffy and teary he luked soooo depressed ive never seen him like that..so i opened the wimdow just a little it and yelled give the f-in bag..so he just kept saying baby just please please please listen to me for a little bit pleasee and at this point he was crying and crying non stop..and i took the bag finally..and im in the car guys hes locked out kno that..so he gives me the bag and me smart i luked inside and see that the book wasnt inside..

it was all the stuff that i had given him the memories..so he said baby please take them back i kno how much they mean to u please..and he said he put a letter inside for me so i took it out and i crumbled it in his face and said "it means NAAA--thingggg to me!!!!!" and he began crying to a point where he cudnt even talk...

things he said..baby this was soo long ago please i made a huge mistake i was immature and stupid and i can honestly say im the f-in stupidest guy on earth..i had something so precious and i just threw it away( i said..IT U IT WAS 4 MONTHS AGO ur guna tell ur matured and u became a man during that time????????????????) he says baby please take me back i promise u ive changed and the word please and dont leave me wer said sooo much i lost count...he said i promise i will be ur man the man u deserve i will baby please give this only chance please!! and hes crying..at this point im yelling get me the book and he is trying to get his arms in the wimdow which he cudnt because i kept shutting it..

than i had had it soo i lowered my window and got close to his face and said GET ME THE BOOOOKKKK!!!! im not listening to ur lies and bull just GOOOOOOOO!!!!

he said baby i can't do that im sorry..i can't let u goooo please dont leave meeeee and i smacked him while he was saying all this....guys i was soooooo heatted..

wen i went not to sound conceated lol but i luked hott i had my nice and my glasses on the thing that reallllyyyy got him emotional was wen i said luk at mee..(i pulled up my sunglasses) and said u see......not one tear...luk whose crying now..luk whose begging now and i smiled..he just BROKEEE down.

than i had also told him this..i took off my sunglasses again and said "listen move on im never guna get back with u... and omg that was the worst thing ever for him...i said i dont feel bad for...and he kept begging baby at least let me sit in ur car and talk please..ive been sooo depressed i can't function i can't breath ur my life and im not letting u go..baby disrespected my family and urs by my dumb action and most of all you...i dont care wat u say to me say what ever u want becuz i deserve it(guys ive never hit him b4..ive never cursed at him never becuz we HAD respect but now that its all gone it kills him for me to talk to him this way)

OK SO I GOT REALLY MAD RAN OUT OF MY CAR AND RAN INTO HIS HOUSE..HE RAN AFTER ME AND I WENT TO LUK FOR THE BOOK AND MY LUCK HE HID IT..HE KNOWS ME TOO WELL..SO I BEGAN SCREAMING WHERE IS THE BOOK..HE PICKED UP THE CRUMBLED BABY HE WANTED ME TO READ FROM MY CAR AND HE BEGAN READING IT OUT LOUD..IT WAS A PAGE FROM HIS JOURNAL FROM WEN ME AND HIM FIRST HUNG OUT AND HOW MUCH HE LIKED ME..I TOOOK IT OUT OF HAND AND SLAPPED HIM WITH IT..GUYS I CUDN CONTROL MY SELF IM USUALLY THE GIRL THATS ANTI PHYSICAL ABUSE LOL BUT I CUDNT CONTROL MY SELF. HE ONLY BLOCKED ME AND KEPT TALKING AND SAYING FORGIVE ME PLEASEEE AND SH-IT. FINALLY HE GAVE ME THE BOOK CUZ I WAS GOING CRAZYYY CUZ I WNTED TO LEAVE HIS HOUSE WE WERE IN HIS ROOM U KNO..HIS BED WAS RITE THERE AND IT HURT ME TO LUK AT IT CUZ WE SHARED A LOT OF SPECIAL MOMENTS ON IT AND NOT JUST LOVE MAKING. ANYWAY I GOT THE BOOK AND RAN SOOOOO FAST OUT HIS HOUSE AND HE WAS RITE BEHIND ME..HE WANTED TO HOLD AND STUFF BUT HE KNEW THAT WAS THE WORST THING HE CUD DOO..CUZ I WUD FLIPP A SH-IT. SO WEN I GOT IN MY CAR HE RAN IN AND HE SAT IN THE PASSENGER SEAT!!!OMG I WAS SOOO PISSED..ALL I WANTED WAS THE DAM BOOK AND I CUDNT GET IT ANY WAY ELSE CUZ ONLY HE KNEW WHERE IT WAS AND HE WUDNT DROP IT OFF AT MY AUNTS!! HE DID IT CUZ HE WANTED TO C ME AND TALK. AND I WENT THERE KNOWING THIS BUT I ALSO DID IT SO HE CAN C HOW MUCH IM OVER HIM IN JUST 2 DAYS!!

so he of course continued to say a whole lot of bull...baby listen i can't let u leave me please give a chance and i promise u it will change and i will stay at my aunts house and be home every weekend and but i didnt care and he said he wud come home during the week sometimes because his aunt lives between his schol and my house. he could come home half the time...
i said listen get this in ur puny brain my heart is sealed and i can NEVER let u back in u understand??u betrayed my trust for u and its all been lies after lies!!!!im screaming these sentences and hes crying like a lil baby. i can never satisfy u after wat u did..u had sex with me and than with her and than WITH MEE!! do u understand..congradulations u got wat u effin wanted and now u can be free and screw as many girls as u want!! because im stronger and numb from the pain that i dont bother to care anymore. after this pain i can handle anything and that means letting u go((((dammm im mad nice hahahah)

and he began cryingggggggggggggg and cryingggggggggg and cryingggggggggg he cudnt even talk from his tears..i said to him i dont feel bad for u and before u had told me baby dont ever think that u were never good enough because ur the best girlfriend any guy can ask for... i said ITS NOT THAT I WAS NEVER GOOD OF FOR U...ITS THAT I WAS TOOOOOOOO GOOD FOR YOU) another nice one by mee haha and his last thing he said to me was i promise im gona earn u back and i dont care how long it takes because ur my life.. i said wat the hell do u want from me!! its not guna happen and he refused to accept that. i had also told him listen this is just a phase u may feel like now but ur guna eventually forget me and move on i mean i am, im going out this weekend with kayla and he broke down once again...and he said no baby please donttt..i can't have u be wit other guys and i said watch mee and smiled.. ok the end my fingers hurt haha

ok so thats my 1st love tragic ending story please comment if u have advice for me regarding my future with this cheater, i can only say that i am in love with him and i told him listen i want to be with you soooooooooooooo bad as much as u BUT i can't and he said yes u can baby please but i didnt listen..maybe in like year or sumtin maybe we can start all over? but i dont think i can with the way i feel now u kno but people do deserve another chance and they also deserved to be punished. his punishment is never seeing me...give me some advice ;)

And that's what I'm going to do with my ex when I get my stuff back...

I can imagine myself rolling up to her house with a tuned car for drifting or a ferrari.. or any nice ,good looking, fast car...

Good job on your part~ you kept yourself together!

I know and it was so hard.. I didn't shed one tear :D and this KILLED him.. and when I smiled he was like baby please don't smile I mean everything I'm saying I promise..

The best advice I can give you is to make up your own mind. If you are asking all of us then it is possible that you don't want to break up but you need to realize your own potential for forgiveness and ask yourself this very impotant question. If I stay are things going to be the same happy I remember or am I always going to question everything he does when he is not with me? If you can get past this and really believe he made a wrong choice and will not do it again then stay, if you are going to drive yourself nuts because you no longer trust him therefore making yourself miserable then maybe you should consider breaking up. Above all else this has to be your choice and not make the decision based on other people's opinion or else you will always wonder if you made the right choice. I give you this advice from experience.

If he keeps calling your cell phone. Give him a personalized ring... Taylor Swift "Should've said no":-)

i know and it was soo hard.. i didnt shed one tear :D and this KILLED him..and when i smiled he was like baby please dont smile i mean everything im sayin i promise..

I can imagine my ex with a new boyfriend or boyfriends who are trash =]

Like I said before- "friends"...

The best advice I can give you is to make up your own mind. If you are asking all of us then it is possible that you don't want to break up but you need to realize your own potential for forgiveness and ask yourself this very impotant question. If I stay are things going to be the same happy I remember or am I always going to question everything he does when he is not with me? if you can get past this and really believe he made a wrong choice and will not do it again then stay, if you are going to drive yourself nuts because you no longer trust him therefore making yourself miserable then maybe you should consider breaking up. Above all else this has to be your choice and not make the decision based on other people's opinion or else you will always wonder if you made the right choice. I give you this advice from experience.


Of course I don't want to break up.. I feel and know that if I say OK I take you back but I can't forgive what you did.. well believe that I will start sooo many fights and because of this I will keep on hurting.. so I must let him go to realize that he isn't the only fish in the sea and I have to open my eyes to new opportunities.. I mean it when I say I trully am the best girlfriend.. I have done him so much and I can also say that I have shaped up his pesonallity and he knows this and I was the only person in his life that actually really showed him love and cared for him. His mother passed when he was in the 7th grade, and his sister got married and moved out and he lives with his dad and he's not the best dad in the world they always fight. His grandma was great to him she died, his aunt died and he has been through a lot and that why his family loves me so much because I was the only thing that made him happy :( but he did it to himself so what position am I in? Exactly I shouldn't be in that position so he tookme for granted... so I must move on and let him live with the problems he caused.. now when he mostly needs someone.. im not there because this time he made a mistake of hurting me...

I'm somewhat in his situation. My ex was the only one in my life that really showed me any true affection and I loved her but we had to separate because she was going away to college and I'm still in high school. I live in Sac and she's going to UC Santa Cruz. I still miss her and everything but I knew it was inevitable. I know how he feels- I'm just glad Sam didn't do to me what you did to him lol. But then again, why would she? I didn't cheat...

I have to give you the rockstar seal of approval for that. I did that with my ex when I found out he cheated. I showed up at HIS GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE (that he was living with) and all of his friends were standing outside, and I walked up to the door, I said "I know you've been cheting. I am done. I want my stuff back and I want you NEVER to call me again." He said "I'll bring it down to your car" and I stood right there and waited. He called me later beggng and crying and pleading and he did that for months and I stuck to my guns, so good job!

Now you just got to stick to it.

It's the worst when you return their stuff because its kind of like a metaphor, the stuff symbolizes your love, your relationship, and that you are ready to move on and forget!! :) I recommend this to everyone who has been cheated on...

i'm somewhat in his situation. my ex was the only one in my life that really showed me any true affection and i loved her but we had to separate because she was going away to college and i'm still in high school. i live in Sac and she's going to UC Santa Cruz. i still miss her and everything but i knew it was inevitable. i know how he feels- i'm just glad Sam didn't do to me what you did to him lol. but then again, why would she? i didn't cheat...

Yeh.. UC Santa Cruz full of dirty girls like UC Santa Barbara D;

But you got some time before :D

He just sent me a text saying to listen to its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday and than all my life mykc and jojo and than he wrote I swear in the next message... oh god!! Does he want to not forget! Because I'm really trying and he's running it but ill be stronggg

And that's what I'm going to do with my ex when I get my stuff back...

I can imagine myself rolling up to her house with a tuned car for drifting or a ferrari.. or any nice ,good looking, fast car...

Good job on your part~ you kept yourself together!

Want to buy my 400whp Subaru Impress WRX that's had a complete STi engine drivetrain swapped into it? I walk all over porsches and corvettes haha!

To the original poster, your novel of a post was Epic! Remind me to never make you mad!

:)

he just sent me a text saying to listen to its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday and than all my life mykc and jojo and than he wrote i swear in the next message...oh god!!! does he want to not forget!! because im really trying and hes runing it but ill be stronggg

The way he is acting is out of desperation, and not necessarily his true feelings. You've stated that he doesn't have the best household to live in, and all of the important people in his life have passed away, leaving him stranded.

I agree with your position but I think that just for the heck of it, I'll see if I can look at this from his perspective.

He cheated, he broke your trust, and he feels like a jackass (he IS human). And for some odd reason he did so on a whim, and now realizes that he has MAJORLY messed up with the only person that he can still confide in, be treated decently, and be cared for. It's tough, almost as tough as what you're going through.

Even though you're staying strong (I commend you), I know that you are having just as much of a hard time as he is.

People say, do, act in crazy ways when in desperate times. Don't hold what he's saying to you now against him.

Personally, I think that though you needed to act and talk harshly towards him, that you could have been a little more reserved. He knows he messed up, but throwing in how great you look and other things is a bit over the top. He could have just never told you what he did, give him some credit for that.

You don't need to say how much better you are than him to show it if that makes sense. I don't cheat on my girlfriends, and I won't lie to them. If I felt I needed to cheat, I would just break up with the girl because it's not fair to them. And if I was drunk (even though I choose not to drink haha) and hooked up with a girl, I would confess what I did, and understand that I messed up, I wouldn't forgive my significant other either and I would bow out gracefully so that they can be happy.

I think this guy has attachment issues, if he's saying "you are my life" that's a big red flag. No other person should be why you're alive, you are both independent people enjoying the affection and time with one another.

Who knows what the future holds for you both, though he made a mistake (a VERY big one, especially since he had sex with her, and then you) but other than that if he was a fairly decent boyfriend, I would hope you could show a little more compassion for him and still be stern on your decisions.

My heart goes out to you for what you have to deal with now, and I wish he could be a bit more mature and stop trying to put so much stress on your life after already giving you a big blow to your gut with his actions.

Always here to talk,

Kevin

I love this guy, ^^^^^ he has the answer to everything. (:

I don't cheat on my girlfriends, and I won't lie to them.


Nope, you're just upfront with all of them. :) Haha

Well said, as usual!

Nope, you're just upfront with all of them. :) Haha

Well said, as usual!

You have to treat people how you expect to be treated right? I grew up with 3 older sisters and my mom and dad so I know the hell that women can bring down upon me lol.

The way he is acting is out of desperation, and not necessarily his true feelings. You've stated that he doesn't have the best household to live in, and all of the important people in his life have passed away, leaving him stranded.

I agree with your position but I think that just for the heck of it, I'll see if I can look at this from his perspective.

He cheated, he broke your trust, and he feels like a jackass (he IS human). And for some odd reason he did so on a whim, and now realizes that he has MAJORLY messed up with the only person that he can still confide in, be treated decently, and be cared for. It's tough, almost as tough as what you're going through.

Even though you're staying strong (I commend you), I know that you are having just as much of a hard time as he is.

People say, do, act in crazy ways when in desperate times. Don't hold what he's saying to you now against him.

Personally, I think that though you needed to act and talk harshly towards him, that you could have been a little more reserved. He knows he messed up, but throwing in how great you look and other things is a bit over the top. He could have just never told you what he did, give him some credit for that.

You don't need to say how much better you are than him to show it if that makes sense. I don't cheat on my girlfriends, and I won't lie to them. If I felt I needed to cheat, I would just break up with the girl because it's not fair to them. And if I was drunk (even though I choose not to drink haha) and hooked up with a girl, I would confess what I did, and understand that I messed up, I wouldn't forgive my significant other either and I would bow out gracefully so that they can be happy.

I think this guy has attachment issues, if he's saying "you are my life" that's a big red flag. No other person should be why you're alive, you are both independent people enjoying the affection and time with one another.

Who knows what the future holds for you both, though he made a mistake (a VERY big one, especially since he had sex with her, and then you) but other than that if he was a fairly decent boyfriend, I would hope you could show a little more compassion for him and still be stern on your decisions.

My heart goes out to you for what you have to deal with now, and I wish he could be a bit more mature and stop trying to put so much stress on your life after already giving you a big blow to your gut with his actions.

Always here to talk,

Kevin


OK cool so are you saying give him another chance? U know what else he said to me that meant a lot trully did.. he said he has never felt greater emotional loss or physical and mental pain then at losing me and that I'm the most beautiful girl and every song reminds me of him... wat do you say to that? :/

Remember when I told you guys that me and him are spiritually connected? Yesterday he told me to listen to the song please don't go by tank and I wrote him back saying rhianna says take a effin bow( u know the song)>>>>well tonight I was in my car and rhiannas song came up so I blasted it and it gets me pumped and stronger you know lol anyway.. u guys DO KNOW that tank's song please don't go is really old rite? Yea well tell me why RITE AFTER RHIANNAS SONG FREAKING TANK PLEASE Don't GO STARTED PLAYING ON 107.5! I WAS FLIPPIN A SH-IT! LOL IT SOOOOO WEIRD ITS LIKE A SIGN FROM GD OR SUMTIN LMAO! AND WATCH There's GUNA BE PLENTY MORE!


I DO LOVE HIM I Want to BE WITH HIM SOOOOO BADLY.. WEN U HAVE APROBLEM U ALWAYS HAV THAT ONE PERSON TO GO TO BUT WEN THE PROBLEM IS WIT THEM U HAVE NO ONE U KNO>>? BUT I CANT.. :( I can't GET BACK WITH HIM A LEAST FOR NOW.. he rites me textes like baby I'm dying and I can't let you go, please come back , and stuff like that

I'm not saying that you should get back to him, because what he did was completely wrong. He could have given you an STD for crying out loud, I would suggest that you have yourself tested just to be safe.

I think that you're simply noticing things that are more of a coincidence and thinking that it's "fate". I would say that he really needs to understand that you would like some time to yourself so that you can think things through without having this constant presence of him hunching over your back, know what I mean?

It's like when your parents keep telling you to do something, even when you know what to do. It's annoying to be told so many times when you already have the thought in your head.

What I am saying though in my previous post to you was that I think you acted very harshly and somewhat immature in the situation (and no, I'm really not trying to bash on you at all, I just want to give you some constructive criticism to take on the road for the next time this happens.)

Maybe you could send him a text back saying something along the lines of "Hey (name), I do apologize for acting so harshly the other day, but I do not appreciate the games you tried to play because I was asked repeatedly to get that book back and the least you could have done is given it to me. What you did was wrong, and is not so easily forgiven, and is definitely not one to be forgotten. I am very confused right now in regards to you and what I want in my life, and I would genuinely appreciate it if you could stop trying to contact me for a while so that I can think clearly and see things from every side. If you care about me as much as you say you do then you can do this for and when I feel the time is right to talk to you about what I've decided. When I have cleared my head and come to a decision I will contact you. This does not mean that I am calling you telling you that I want to get back together necessarily. So please don't expect that outcome. I really need some time alone from you because you're constantly trying to talk to me and it is making it harder for me to clear my head. I really appreciate you doing this for me."

That kind of message will be read and understood that you are upset, you are trying to be positive about this situation and give it some consideration. It also shows that you want to be free from the monkey on your back constantly keeping you from making a rational decision.

Now, can you be in a relationship that has broken your trust? Will you be able to forgive him (and I mean ACTUALLY forgive him for what he has done and not constantly hold that over his head and throw it in his face whenever you get into an argument.) When an issue is resolved, it should never be spoken of again because then you are simply throwing it back in their face when you both have come to a decision.

Will you be able to deal with the stress of a relationship that has been broken? Are you going to constantly wonder what he really is doing, whether he's lying to you, whether he's sleeping around again?

Have you ever thought that maybe he's saying all these nice things to you simply to keep you around since he isn't getting any from someone else right now (maybe)? Maybe he likes having girls in different area codes?

You've already seen that he is not faithful, but I give him credit for coming clean, that takes a lot of guts to do so. It's not easy telling the girl that loves you with all her heart that you've slept with another person (especially after you had sex with the girlfriend after the other girl.)

I would really contemplate whether it is in your best interest to pursue a relationship with this fellow again. You will probably fight more often, resentment will play a large role in this, as well as the fact that you will feel far more insecure in the relationship since he has betrayed you once already.

I do not always check the Relationship forums so the most quick way to reach me is through private messages. Just let me know that you've responded and I will try to get back on here as soon as possible.

P.S. When you have the problem with that one person you can talk to about anything, you have us! Many people from around the world, all with their own opinions and advice, I have found no other place that is filled with the most open, sometimes harsh but realistic views for us all to consider when we come in with our problems. You have received some great advice from the people in this forum, I hope I could have been as influential in your decisions and actions as the rest of these fine people.

I feel like even though I'm only 20 that I have the mind of an elder or something haha.

I am the next Talaniman! (Apprentice maybe? Lol)

^^ well, I don't know I love your answers (:

Thanks kevin your awesome you made a lot of sense. OK I have another question for u.. and everyonelse..

1) do you think its OK for me to contact the girl he slept with? I badly want to ask her some questions , I want to make her feel completely conftorable on the phone and just get some answers because I'm really desperate.. I wanaask her if he was the one that wanted to have sex, if he tried getting with her even after they had sex and stuff like that or if they talked on the phone? It will help mee soooo much. I know she's a complete stranger but I'm really sweet I'm sure I can get her to tell me. And I want to tell her to not stress giving me answers because its only for me and no one else. I've been with him for two years and I want to see if he lied EVEN AFTER REVEALING THAT HE HAD SEX WITH THIS GIRL WHILE WE WERE BROKEN UP... im desperate.. I think I'm guna do it..

Outcomes of that situation.. WORST CASE... well if he turns out to be lying completely and they had sex more than once and so on I want to meet up wit him and tell him that I need him out of my life forever because I don't deserve to have my heart drop every time he textes me or when after he textes I go crazy and think and think if I should take him bac you knoo..


Good case: lets say he was telling the truth, guys sorry but I'm just guna say he said that when he did it, it was terrible, he didn't "go" yea OK! Is what I said.. and that they were drunk, he found out that she had liked him since the beginning of the year and she coudnt get with him because he was wit me.. if he is telling the truth I think that this is prooving that MAYBE JUST MAYBE he trully deep inside wants to stop living a lie and that he couldn't take it anymore because he began to realize more and more how much he loves and me and MAYBE now he's more than ready to be and a committed relationship with me.. I will c him more often he promised no more parties only if I'm there and no more hanging with his friends at bars and he said if I take him back he will live at his aunts house which means he will c me a lot during the week..

WAT DO GUYS THINK GOOD IDEA TO CONTACT THE GIRL OR BAD?

thanks kevin ur awesome u made a lot of sense. ok i have another question for u..and everyonelse..

1) do u think its ok for me to contact the girl he slept with? i badly want to ask her some questions , i wana make her feel completely conftorable on the phone and just get some answers becuz im really desperate..i wanaask her if he was the one that wanted to have sex, if he tried getting with her even after they had sex and stuff like that or if they talked on the phone?? it will help mee soooo much. i kno shes a complete stranger but im really sweet im sure i can get her to tell me. and i wanna tell her to not stress giving me answers because its only for me and no one else. ive been with him for two years and i wana see if he lied EVEN AFTER REVEALING THAT HE HAD SEX WITH THIS GIRL WHILE WE WERE BROKEN UP...im desperate..i think im guna do it..

outcomes of that situation..WORST CASE...well if he turns out to be lying completely and they had sex more than once and soo on i wana meet up wit him and tell him that i need him out of my life forever becuz i dont deserve to have my heart drop everytime he textes me or wen after he textes i go crazy and think and think if i should take him bac u knoo..


gud case: lets say he was tellin the truth, guys sry but im just guna say he said that wen he did it, it was terrible, he didnt "go" yea ok!! is wat i said..and that they were drunk, he found out that she had liked him since the beggining of the year and she coudnt get with him because he was wit me..if he is telling the truth i think that this is prooving that MAYBE JUST MAYBE he trully deep inside wants to stop living a lie and that he cudnt take it anymore becuz he began to realize more and more how much he loves and me and MAYBE noe hes more than ready to be n a committed relationship with me..i will c him more often he promised no more parties only if im there and no more hanging with his friends at bars and he said if i take him back he will live at his aunts house which means he will c me a lot during the week..

WAT DO GUYS THINK GOOD IDEA TO CONTACT THE GIRL OR BAD?

*thunder sounds*

I am here again! (Hooray)

Okay, let's get down to bidnesss.

Question 1: Do you think I should contact the girl that he slept with?

Answer 1: (A question for this answer is involved) Though you may expect that she will give you the absolute 100% truth, what makes you think you can trust her? She knew you were with him, she obviously knows who you are, and who's to say she won't outright lie about what has happened? She could be saying that he is still hittin' it and it could be a complete lie because she wants you out of the picture. Just because you're a sweetheart, doesn't mean she won't have tricks up her sleeves ;)

My personal advice... leave the girl out of it. He admitted to having sex with her, it doesn't matter how many times, ways, places, whatever. He cheated, and then he had sex with you again. (Once again, I suggest getting tested to be safe) You need to stop talking to them, or about the situation to anyone of the people you know (aside from us) and find out what YOU ultimately deserve (NOT WANT, DESERVE!)

You take this guy back, he wins. You don't take this guy back, he'll probably just go get with that chick again. Either way it feels like he's going to win. The least you can do is take your dignity back and go out like a champ!

You guys sound young.

I'd take my time if I was you. Take 6 months off from this and get some perspective. If he is the one, it'll all turn out. If not, you can breathe again.

You are doing all the work here... he should be doing all the work.
You should be like: he messed up, I am taking time off to see what it's like without him.

IFFFF you all are going to get serious he is going to need to realize what life is like without you - not just what life could be without you.

I don't think he is the devil, just too young to make a sound decision right now. So, make it for him. Tell him you'll contact him on 09 after you've had time to think...

Remember you can't date someone you can't forgive - so decide if that is worth ever happening. And focus on your life path / career / education etc. that solves A LOT of problems at your age!

i feel like for every girl he told you about, how do you know there arent more? you know the saying for every rat you see theres 1000 more or something haha but believe me i know what ur going through, my boyfriends leaving for college in the fall and im staying at a local college for a year. his school is only 2 hours away so our "plan" is to visit eachother every other weekend, but him cheating on me is my biggest fear. he says that if its meant to be itll be and always tells me he loves me. idk if this is "excusable" but he says that if he was ever going to hookup with a girl he would breakup with me first because he never wants to cheat on me. people have tempations, things happen,but the fact that this has happened multiple times it seems like a pattern, idk its going to be really hard to get over it and honestly even tho he is in the wrong, he is going to get sick of it after a while because everytime u have an argument u know your going to use that against him, its hard not to. its a sucky situation :confused: and you can't really go simply off others advice. when you know you know. hope this helped ( sorry its so long haha )

Sunshine... I'm not quite sure if you are proposing a question or saying your boyfriend has already cheated on you but please post a question and we can help you out.

The OP has already dropped this loser and realized she deserves better

Nahh I'm just letting her know that I'm scared that's going to happen to me, so I understand how hard it is. Letting her know she's not alone :)

..

Good Job Jenny, you may have acted a little harsh but keep your head up and moving forward. I never could get over a breach of trust like that. It always came up. Just remember you can do this and give it time. 6months plus. That will let you get your head straight. Just hang in there most all of us have been there and guess what we lived through it. Good Luck and God Bless

Hey what ever happened with this situation? Did you move on? I'm going through this right now and it's so similar to your story, I would really love the advice :)

i suppose it's just how you word it. i feel like 'friends' is far too weak a word to describe two people who truly love each other. that's all i'm really saying. for instance- when i think friends, i think of people who look out for each other and like to hang out. but when i think of lovers, i think of two people who can't imagine life without each other. they some will do anything and everything for each other. they draw strength from each other and can't stand the thought of being separated. they love each others' flaws and can't imagine them changing. it's that higher level of connection and compatibility that i don't feel 'friend' or even 'best friend' can come close to describing. so in the end it comes down to what your definition of friend or best friend is. to you, friendship is something that can describe a relationship where two people are in love. i just feel that 'friend' can't even scratch the surface of what true love is... in the end- perception is reality...


But shouldn't a lover do these things too? Its like saying all Chevys are vehicles but not all vehicles are Chevys, lol. A lover should be a friend, but not all friends are lovers, see what I'm saying. Just because they are a lover, that shouldn't be the only thing they are.