Ok so first off, I know I have already writteN a lot of related posts, but if anything you guys all help to give me peace of mind when I wake up confused again! As I've said in my prior posts the guy I am dating has been distant the past week. He has a lot of stress right now w/ family, work etc. But how long will this distance thing last? It's driving me nuts! Especially because we have talked before about how weekends are great times to hang out because there is more time etc, and haven't heard from him this weekend. He usually always sends a little text if we are out doing our own things on Friday or calls me Saturday morning but nope - nothing! How can a girl not start to take that personally? It makes me feel like I have done something to screw what we had going of 3 months, up. I'm starting to think that maybe it's not just that he needs space but that I did something wrong like get upset the other night when he was trying to deal with some of his guy sh-t(damn PMS).
I haven't been contacting him, and last night I went out and did my own thing, Sunday I made plans with friends - but do I just not contact him at all and hope he comes around? Or is it okay to call him in a few days if I haven't heard from him and ask him to dinner my treat or something? Keep in mind I sent him a text saying that I'm here when he wants to do something to take his mind off things.
When will this end?

I think I commented on another one of your posts about this subject... I think you need to try to relax!
You need to chill out and just focus on yourself, do your own thing.

-Hang out with friends, family people who actually want/enjoy being in your company
-Dont contact him anymore, If he's really trying to get through a rough time he'll contact you when he's ready!

Be patient... Be proactive (dont put your life on hold) and finally relax a little.

I haven't read your other posts on the subject... so I don't know what exactly your guy is going through; but if you stay with another person long enough, you'll notice that not only will you need them around to help weather your own ups and downs, but they will require that same service of you...

Here's the thing though, boyfriend may only need to know that you are there willing to help him rather than need you as a shoulder to cry on every time a new crisis arises, like you may need him in your own times of need... know what I'm saying? Guys handle drama much differently than us women folk!

I think it's great that you texted him ONCE, reminding him that if he needs you for whatever, you're there... but let that be it... give him his space... I think you said you've only been dating for 3 months, right? He might not be ready to show you his 'emotional' side while he's going through this problem... give him his room like mimi suggested and do your own thing... chances are he'll be very impressed at you for being able to be relaxed, allowing him to have his freedom about things... guys love that...

Thanks ladies. I know, I do need to relax. I just like him you know! But I have always been good at keeping busy so that's not a problem. Hopefully he will come around soon, I got upset earlier that I hadn't heard from him all weekend, but coming home to your posts helped me. So thanks. And even thought I want to reach out to him again, f_ck it, he can contact me.

You guys seriously, I'm trying my best.. but how long does a guy stay in his "man cave" for? I just want to see him!

If he doesn't want to see you then you are just prolonging your hurt
Contacting him if he is considering seeing you again will likely make him feel like he did have some contact with you and some guys consider that enough to go some more time without calling or seeing you if you seem desperate to him. No contact and see if and when he contacts you, if not he wasn't worth wasting your time on.

The thing is you never know, even he don't know. It could be one month, two month, or maybe next week, nobody knows.

If you continue to worry about him, it will only need depression and it will tear you apart. Stay strong and do something to ease your mind. When I'm feeling low I light a nice scent candle with nice music and just relax. Maybe you need to find something that can help you, there's many things to do.

"but how long does a guy stay in his "man cave" for??"

... I doubt there's a certain length of time for this man behavior; but I do think it depends on what he is going through... I know you've mentioned him having his stresses; but how severe are they? Is it financial trouble? Death in the family? Roommate problems?

I suppose you'd go by how bad whatever it is he's going through really is... and how long you think you can go without him being around... you've done what you could by contacting him... You could keep trying that, but it's going to make you look needy and clingy...

Either hang in and try to ride the waves while he toils away at his problem or bail now and get on to the next Mr.Right...

I guess I will try to hang in there, I have been keeping myself occupied, but its still driving me nuts a little, especially since he was the one to initiate his feelings for me and he has said and done a lot of genuine things that made me feel that this is all going in a great direction, so now that this curve ball came at me - I'm confused. I haven't seen him deal with a problem before, but I know enjoys his personal space a lot as we all should. I figure I will hang in and let him contact me, and if he doesn't I might just call him in a week and be like "what is up" for real! You would think by me not calling, he is wondering about me right. I would feel much better about all this if the last time I saw him I wasn't pmsing and moody about the whole thing. But thanks ladies for the advice.

Ladies - I Thought Id Let You Know He Called Last Night. Phew. I Feel Relieved, But Im Also Not Giving In So Fast I Will Wait A Day To Call! How Dare He Think I Jump To The Phone To Call Him Back Right Away Lol. Thanks Again For The Tips... I Do Need To Stop Stressin I Know, It's Just Hard When You Like Someone!

See... what we'd tell you? Now aren't you glad you didn't go off stalking the boy and making him think you can't live without him! Way to hang in there...

See...what we'd tell ya?! Now aren't you glad you didn't go off stalking the boy and making him think you can't live without him!! Way to hang in there...

LOL yes I am, but I called him after work today, I thought to myself maybe I should wait longer, but I did it anyway I wasn't trying to play games... and here it is 4 hours later and he hasn't returned the call. I know to give people the beenfit of the doubt and allbut it bothers me - like he should step up his sh_it because he screwed me over this weekend. Not call me at his leisure. I'm going out tonight don't worry!

Be there for him. Give him a little time to work out his issues. Yes, after a few days make an attempt to hang out with him.

I had a boyfriend who did that and eventually I got the message he just wanted to be friends so I came 2 his house and told him I didn't want to be treated like that so we should break up and now he's a good friend

I went out the other night, and met a great guy. He was the bartender at an empty hotel bar, I happened to stop in at for a drink after a business meeting. Instantly I was attracted to him, and while we got to know each other, I thought to myself I think I'm going to ask him if he's single and leave him my number. Well, we ended up leaving the bar when he got off work at 10p and went down the street to grab another drink. We had an instant connection of some sort and when the topic if dating came up... bamb, he got this look on his face. He was going through a breakup, moving out from his soon to be ex, and in all honesty, part of me was so dissapointed - timing is never to my luck! But I was trying to be the "cool" girl, and just enjoy his company and the night. I think if he were totally single, he would have definitely been more into it. Well, he didn't have a phone on him that night, and so he wanted to give me his #. So hear I sit, really wanting to see if there might really be something between us, but a) he's not single right now but trying to get out of his current situation and b) spent an amazing night with this guy and his friend who came and joined us, and don't want that to be the last time I see him. But I also don't want to be in the middle of anything messy. He was honest with me, which I appreciated, but at the same time I keep wondering if maybe he felt something too? Should I give it a week and casually call him? I wouldn't want to be his re-bound by any means, but life is too short not to see if maybe something is there right? I know this probably sounds like he's an , but he was the perfect gentleman, cool guy, I could tell he was on the outs of the situation. Ahhh!

I'm 27 by the way... he was 29. Ugh timing.

I know you don't want to be his rebound, but regardless, you will be, seeing as he'll be just out of a relationship.

I know that he may be a great guy, etc. But really, if you want to keep a connection with him, I don't think it would hurt to call him and ask him to hang out, but perhaps you should mention that you don't want to be "that girl"... and possibly just hang out with him as friends until his breakup is finalized... but in the end, you may still end up being a rebound.

If he really is a great guy, who knows, you know where he works... you can always go see him sometime in the future.

I'd just leave it for the time being.

Do you want to get involved with someone that hasn't dealt with his break-up s**t yet? That would really be bad timing.

You're projecting on to him what you'd like him to be - in reality you don't know anything about him - just what you need at the moment.

I'd be very cautious, it could in fact get awfully messy.

Are you ready for that?

I would tend to say he's not available.

Once he is single, and settled on his own, call him and see how he's doing, and take it from there. He may welcome the call, he may not, but I would give him time and space without getting involved with him right now.

How many couples separate and then get back together again. That could happen too.

If you really can't help yourself and want to check this guy out further, then wait at least a few weeks. Just make sure (if there is a way you can find out) that he is on his own.

Who knows, if you play your cards right, it may work out for you.

Good luck.

Just take it slow. Have the casual telephone conversation to keep in touch. Maybe when he's through with his breakup and recovered, then you guys can start spending more time together and go from there.

Do not jump into anything until he IS broke up with her. You can occasionally talk and get to know each other, but wait for him to be free.

You don't need complications with things like being accused of breaking them up or anything like that.

Thanks all. I knew all this, but sometimes you just need to hear it again. Man, timing can really suck sometimes. I think I will call him in a couple of weeks and just casually say hi, hope he is doing well. Who knows maybe he will be single, maybe not. It definitely isn't something I want to get in the middle of. And who knows, maybe it will leave him thinking about me in the back of his head in the meantime.

Leave him alone, and keep going with what you were doing. The reason is your already getting all emotionally carried away, by a chance meeting with a guy who you know is
Unavailable, has issues with a failed relationship, doesn't know where he is going next, and you seem to want to overlook that, and just take a chance on being a rebound.

That's not good, nor healthy and you should be more mature, and guarded about those intense feelings, fueled by a few drinks.

You had a good time, now move on. There are other opportunities, and options for you, if you don't get hung up on this false alarm.

Well he needs his space right now for sure. If anything comes out of this for you just be his friend if you feel you want him around. Why not stop there for another casual drink to touch base with him. But don't get yourself all in the middle of his break up when you don't need to be. Let him be done with that relationship and if he feels ready and it clicked with you also I am sure you will hear from him.

I am going through the same thing... its horrible.. its driving me insane:mad: