I have searched many sites looking for information on my daughter and how to handle her behavior. It seems as though our situation is not unique, but it is most definitely very, very serious.

Allow me to summarize: My daughter is 17. Will be 18 in 5 months. After years and years and years of guilt, agony, intensive counseling, expensive and world class psychiatric evaluations, medications, special boarding schools, tough love, boot camps, and unconditional love my daughters behavior has NOT improved.

She assaulted me yet again yesterday by spitting in my face and throwing a metal object at me. The impact left my arm bleeding. This was because I had the 'nerve' to ask her about the newest damage to my car. She brought it home with various dents and a had driven several miles on a blown out tire, ruining the rim.

Her reaction has always been to absolutely go ballistic when confronted or questioned about her actions or behavior. This time was no exception and certainly not unique. When I told her she would not be driving the car again and took the keys from her the rage began. Again, not unique, not a surprise. She has acted this way for years. I have tried EVERY approach imaginable in dealing with this, from time-outs when she was little, to spankings, to calm talking... you come up with it, I tried it. This time, something inside me shut down. I kicked her out of the house last night. I told her that I was done living my life like this, in such horrible rage and turmoil, and it was time she either 'sinks or swims' on her own accord. Lest you think I am an evil, bad mother (which, yes I do feel like most of the time) - let me list just some of her actions and behaviors:

She has been treated for drug & alcohol abuse, twice in the last 4 years.
She has wrecked and totalled 3 of our cars. Stolen them each time, (no of course she didn't have 'permission' to drive any of our cars! She was only 13 at the time she wrecked the first one)! Thankfully no injuries to anyone - including the school bus loaded with 1st and second graders).
She has been arrested and jailed 3 times for various and sundry actions: shoplifting, excessive alcohol consumption, drug possession, and of course, car theft and property damage.
She has been expelled from 3 different schools. Permanently.
She has threatened to 'kill' every one of our family (her father, myself, her two brothers).
She lies about everything... compulsively, her whereabouts, her actions, her successes, her failures.
She has done over $40,000 worth of damage to our house alone - a combination of her raging actions and once breaking into the house and throwing a party when we were out of town (she lied about staying with a friend). We returned to town immediately, but not before the damage was done.

And the above are just the highlights, I would be here all day if I listed the 'little' things she does every day.

Now allow me to tell you all of the actions we have taken to try to help her over the years:

We have tried behavioral techniques, time outs, removing favorite toys, taking away privileges, adding chores and of course consequences, consequences, consequences.
We have talked, spanked, grounded, and talked some more.
We have yelled and screamed, we have used 'tough love'.
We have had her psychiatrically evaluated at some of the best adolescent psychiatry centers in the US! (She has been diagnosed, and re-diagnosed - bi-polar, depressed, anxiety disorder, ADD, ADHD, each time she is evaluated we are told that the last 'diagnosis' was 'wrong' and a 'better' description/diagnosis would be added).
We have seen more psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors than I can even begin to count.
We have tried to alleviate some of the consequences, we have allowed her to take the consequences of her actions (she has been incarcerated, required to do community service, pay financial restitution, etc).
We have given second chances... we have given 1000th chances.
We have had her in boarding schools, boot camps, regular schools and have allowed her to now take the responsibility of her schooling in her own hands. (Surprisingly enough, she has no learning disabilities and continues to keep a high B average)!
We have medicated, we have changed medications, we have used homeopathic remedies, naturopathic remedies, vitamins and every combination of them we could think of that might help.

All to no avail.

So, after returning my car yesterday (after taking it without permission) with various and sundry dents and scratches (which she claims she knows 'nothing' about) I lost it. I turned a corner in my mind - I can truly say I shut down emotionally. Completely. I don't care to help her anymore. I can not take even one more moment of guilt, agony or blame. I can not grieve any deeper, or any more. I can not continue to live my life with her in it. She has disrupted our family since she was a little girl. I have 2 wonderful sons, 15 and 23 who were raised in the same family, and are wonderful quality individuals. They have also been effected by her behaviors.

I think telling her to leave my home was the best thing. I gave her $40.00 to cover her food and get her through the next few days (she was on the phone shortly after I told her to leave happily making plans for someone named 'Jake' to come and pick her up so they could go 'party'). Lovely.

If anyone out there has any advice, or a similar experience (and god bless you if you have had to through this!) please, please, tell me about your own experience. I am heartbroken, saddened, and of course, I know, I am probably a 'bad mom' and can be blamed for not meeting her needs in some way... well, that may be the case but I do believe I have tried just about everything. I have told her time and again, I love her, unconditionally. I don't love her actions. Please feel free to give me any advice... it is so hard to just give up on your own child...





(We sent her to 'rehab' at a very expensive girls school ($7500/mo) (seriously) and provided her with world class counseling, support, and life skills managment).

I am sorry for your trouble, short of putting her into state custody till she is 18 there is little you can do. I do not know the state, but in many at 17 a teen can move out without permission, I guess your only choice is to put up with it for a few more months and kick her out at 18 or kick her out know if there is no other option left.

There must be some mental issue either on purpose to control things or some uncontroled. Have any of the doctors saidwhat the problem is.

Mom, you have done everything in your power to help this girl. Don't feel so bad about it. You just might have to take her back into your home for the last 5 months until she turns 18 and then you can turn her loose on the world (God help them). It seems the more you do FOR her the less she does for herself. Sometimes kids like her don't turn out good regardless of how much you do for them or how much money you spend on them. She has some very serious emotional problems and even though you have given her a lot of help, she is still failing to grasp the idea of having to be responsible for her own actions. When and if she does move out after age 18, just keep clear of her as much as you can. Visit with her OK, but don't have her spend time at your home unless it is very brief. Stop beating yourself up over her. She is going to find out soon enough the lesson in life she is supposed to learn - be responsible for your own actions. Try not to jump in and help her financially when she gets in trouble. You can give her emotional support but no money. Good luck, dear.

My heart goes out to you and I will say this, you are not, I repeat, not, a bad mom, you have tried everything, you never gave up. You are human, there is only so much you can take, and quite frankly you've endured 17 years of this crap so you've already gone as far, even further than most people would or could. You tried, you did your best, either it didn't help because she hasn't been properly diagnosed (not your fault) or because she doesn't want to be helped (also not your fault).

What would I do? Well, thankfully I've never been in your position, but my kids are only 5and 9 so who knows what lies in my future. I would not hesitate to tell her to fish or cut bait. She made her bed, now she can lie in it. If she doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions than either do you. You kicked her out, good for you, make it a permanent thing. If she comes back then tell her point blank "This is your final chance, I am done, stick a fork in me, I'm so done. You mess up one more time and you are out of this house and out of my life, I've done the best I can, now you either take the help we've provided you and make a better life for yourself or you go and destroy yourself, but I will not be around to witness it, you've placed the last straw on this poor camels back and it's broken, now you have to fix it, I will not help you anymore!" Just my opinion, but like I said, I've never been through this.

Good Luck to you, keep you head up and your heart strong.

Thank you all so much for the advice and support! Your opinions are appreciated - and needed!

This is the second time this year we have asked her to leave. Her father calls her 'toxic' - wonder if this is a viable diagnosis? (kidding, of course).

Although she has been 'diagnosed' several times and evaluated by many, many child and adolescent specialists, I suspect they might be overlooking the obvious: I think my daughter was born like this.

No, nothing happened during my pregnancy, her birth was easy and very normal. She was brought to a loving home with siblings, parents, and grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles all to welcome her. (Great family support system). I think she is nasty because [I]that is her personality! She was an angry, collicky baby, crying for hours on end as an infant. She was medically evaluated then and we were told that there was nothing physically (?) wrong. When she was young, we tried to teach her to be 'nicer' - she bullied the kids at her pre-school, biting another child on the cheek and drawing blood when she was just 3! When asked to apologize (sheesh, the poor kid she bit would probably have a scar for life), she did so robotically and with no remorse.

I think she has a personality defect in that she feels absolutely no sense of guilt, no remorse, no empathy. (She does however, love babies and animals and is very tender and loving to both. I have never, ever encouraged her to babysit for anyone... that might be a real disaster. She loves our family animals and is wonderful with them). Hmm

All of which lead me to believe that this behavior is a choice. She has chosen many times to suffer the consequences SHE KNOWS will result from a behavior just so she can do what she wants. (When she was little and was told.. 'if you choose to do this, then this - time out, whatever - will be the consequence. She would actually THINK ABOUT IT, weigh the pay off, then do the deed and go sit in the time out chair, take the spanking, whatever the punishment was)! She didn't even think twice about it. Upping the consequences (which we thought would be easier as she got older) only resulted in her behavior escalating to 'match' the price!

Again, she never, ever, expresses guilt, and most certainly cannot connect 'responsiblity' to any of her actions.

Any one care to weigh in on this? Maybe brain damage? Genetic pre-disposition?

I just don't know... but I do think it is best that she remain out of our home... the peace and quiet we are experiencing today is unmistakable... even the dog is calmer!

I definitely can't offer a diagnosis, I'm not a doctor or a psychologist and I would think that even if I were I'd need to meet her and spend some time with her in order to give an accurate diagnosis. I can't begin to understand what you are going through, and I really don't know what to tell you. She's your daughter, so of course you love her, but I'm sticking to what I said before, even though it probably won't work because she doesn't seem to care what you say to her or do to her. I can only wish you good luck.

Take care.

I think you've done a lot for your daughter and you must be a great mom but she's 17 and its totally up to her now. You've done enough.

Tell her no driving privileges when she can not treat the owner of the car with respect.
Tell her to start looking for a place to live because you need peace and stability in your home and your life.
By the time she is 18 she very likely will only get worse.
IF you rent and you can't get her to move if you have to and are able to move yourself and leave her behind.
You should not have to go through this and her being almost 18 it is time she treat you right or get out on her own.
Hopefully when she sees life isn't that simple and she can't throw a metal object at the car insurance lady when she asks how did she wreck her car maybe then she will wake up to how good she could have had it with you.

This is always tough. Will putting up with her behaviour help her in the long run? Probably not. And it certainly won't be as beneficial for you.
Sending her out on her own is likely to either make or break her. Either way, it'll hopefully be a lesson in humility.
Has she seen a psychiatrist? She sounds as though she has some interesting attitudes that could benefit from being looked into.

Good luck,
Kal

I tend to agree with you about her being born like this. I have been reading a lot of interesting books lately about reincarnation. I somehow think her present behavior is tied to something in a past life. If the doctors cannot properly determine a diagnosis (I tend to think the bipolar diagnosis is about as close to a good diagnosis of her that you're going to get). If it helps you to read something about this, please read the book Many Mansions - the Edgar Cayce story. It can hopefully shed some light on her and her behavior. Then you know that this was not of your doing. Her actions with animals indicates that she has some normal sections of her brain. I have no idea just what she is here to learn this time around but apparently it is quite serious if she has been like this for years and years. The book is I think from the 1990's so it may be out of print.

You have done EVERYTHING humanly possible. It's time to pack her bags when she's not home, put them on the front porch and change the locks. If she breaks in, charge her with break and entry. Tell her she'll be welcome home when she decides to abide by the rules of YOUR house, take whatever meds she's been prescribed and act like a responsible human being.
You have to let her see that you have done everything you are willing to do for her. It's now up to her.
My daughter just turned 23 and is NOW realizing she needs help. I packed her bags for her at 16. She comes home to visit but she knows she'll never be able to move back home. She has finally got her high school diploma and has a good paying job and is now looking to buy her first car.
Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom before they see the light. It's hard as a parent to watch but will be worth it in the long run, believe me!

I tend to agree with you about her being born like this. I have been reading a lot of interesting books lately about reincarnation. I somehow think her present behavior is tied to something in a past life. If the doctors cannot properly determine a diagnosis (I tend to think the bipolar diagnosis is about as close to a good diagnosis of her that you're going to get). If it helps you to read something about this, please read the book Many Mansions - the Edgar Cayce story. It can hopefully shed some light on her and her behavior. Then you know that this was not of your doing. Her actions with animals indicates that she has some normal sections of her brain. I have no idea just what she is here to learn this time around but apparently it is quite serious if she has been like this for years and years. The book is I think from the 1990's so it may be out of print.

Interesting you should bring this up. (BTW thanks for the book reference, I will try to find it).

My daughter and I have discussed at length the lessons we were sent here to learn from each other. We both have a strong belief in reinc. And past life experiences. One of the things we most definitely believe is that she and I have a VERY long history, probably as enemies or at the very least adversaries in some sense.

Your answer got me to thinking that she and I should explore this possibility more thoroughly. I am going to 'send it out' there that we need to direction to someone who can aid us in this!

Thank you so much for your input and ideas!

Will keep you posted.

Does she have a job? If she doesn't the only money I would give her is lunch money. I would tell her she cannot use the car or have any other privileges. If she takes your car, you will have her arrested. (and do it) Tell her when she turns 18, she is on her own.
You have done all you can.
Good luck

Many Mansions the Edgar Cayce Story on Reincarnation by Dr. Gina Cerminara copyright 1979. (Gosh was I ever off). Apparently you two must have shared several lifetimes together to arrive at this point in time. The entire book really delves into this subject touching on all sorts of topics within reincarnation. Too bad Edgar is gone as you two could have had a past life reading to shed some light on just what led up to this lifetime of warring together.

I think that you did the right thing. You will show her that she needs to learn how to be more responsible and mature by kicking her out of the house. The young lady needs to be taught a lesson and you did the right one. You have tried everything and from what I hear you are a very very strong mother. Once your child sees that she needs you the mabye she will change. I sort of lied when I was younger, then my parents talked to me about death and it scared me to know that what I was doing wasn't as important to what I needed to quit doing.
Hang in there the worst is over, now you just have to be strong and no matter how much she cries and yells don't let her back in the house.

I believe at this point there is nothing that can be done. I would actually not allow her back in the home, especially since you are scared for your safety. Something really bad could happen to you or her in the next 5 months. I've been in an abusive relationship and one wrong push or whatever can lead to a broken neck or something else. Me and my mother had really bad times when I was 14-15. We did the tough love thing and all that. Our relationship did get a lot better when she got a little more lenient. We became more like friends. I don't know if you are strict... but that was the case with me and my mother. I really do wish the best for you...

Kick her out and change the locks!

You have done everything you can so bad mom I don't think so. God has sent you this child for a reason and you've done the best you can. Is her father involved as much as you are? Has her father ever treated her like a little princess?

You said you sent her to rehab, what kind of drugs is she using?

I hope that everything gets good for you!

I have searched many sites looking for information on my daughter and how to handle her behavior. It seems as though our situation is not unique, but it is most definitely very, very serious.

Allow me to summarize: My daughter is 17. Will be 18 in 5 months. After years and years and years of guilt, agony, intensive counseling, expensive and world class psychiatric evaluations, medications, special boarding schools, tough love, boot camps, and unconditional love my daughters behavior has NOT improved.

She assaulted me yet again yesterday by spitting in my face and throwing a metal object at me. The impact left my arm bleeding. This was because I had the 'nerve' to ask her about the newest damage to my car. She brought it home with various dents and a had driven several miles on a blown out tire, ruining the rim.

Her reaction has always been to absolutely go ballistic when confronted or questioned about her actions or behavior. This time was no exception and certainly not unique. When I told her she would not be driving the car again and took the keys from her the rage began. Again, not unique, not a surprise. She has acted this way for years. I have tried EVERY approach imaginable in dealing with this, from time-outs when she was little, to spankings, to calm talking.......you come up with it, I tried it. This time, something inside me shut down. I kicked her out of the house last night. I told her that I was done living my life like this, in such horrible rage and turmoil, and it was time she either 'sinks or swims' on her own accord. Lest you think I am an evil, bad mother (which, yes I do feel like most of the time) - let me list just some of her actions and behaviors:

She has been treated for drug & alcohol abuse, twice in the last 4 years.
She has wrecked and totalled 3 of our cars. Stolen them each time, (no of course she didn't have 'permission' to drive any of our cars! She was only 13 at the time she wrecked the first one)! Thankfully no injuries to anyone - including the school bus loaded with 1st and second graders).
She has been arrested and jailed 3 times for various and sundry actions: shoplifting, excessive alcohol consumption, drug possession, and of course, car theft and property damage.
She has been expelled from 3 different schools. Permanently.
She has threatened to 'kill' each and every one of our family (her father, myself, her two brothers).
She lies about everything...compulsively, her whereabouts, her actions, her successes, her failures.
She has done over $40,000 worth of damage to our house alone - a combination of her raging actions and once breaking into the house and throwing a party when we were out of town (she lied about staying with a friend). We returned to town immediately, but not before the damage was done.

And the above are just the highlights, I would be here all day if I listed the 'little' things she does each and every day.

Now allow me to tell you all of the actions we have taken to try to help her over the years:

We have tried behavioral techniques, time outs, removing favorite toys, taking away privileges, adding chores and of course consequences, consequences, consequences.
We have talked, spanked, grounded, and talked some more.
We have yelled and screamed, we have used 'tough love'.
We have had her psychiatrically evaluated at some of the best adolescent psychiatry centers in the US! (She has been diagnosed, and re-diagnosed - bi-polar, depressed, anxiety disorder, ADD, ADHD, each time she is evaluated we are told that the last 'diagnosis' was 'wrong' and a 'better' description/diagnosis would be added).
We have seen more psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors than I can even begin to count.
We have tried to alleviate some of the consequences, we have allowed her to take the consequences of her actions (she has been incarcerated, required to do community service, pay financial restitution, etc).
We have given second chances.......we have given 1000th chances.
We have had her in boarding schools, boot camps, regular schools and have allowed her to now take the responsibility of her schooling in her own hands. (Surprisingly enough, she has no learning disabilities and continues to keep a high B average)!
We have medicated, we have changed medications, we have used homeopathic remedies, naturopathic remedies, vitamins and every combination of them we could think of that might help.

All to no avail.

So, after returning my car yesterday (after taking it without permission) with various and sundry dents and scratches (which she claims she knows 'nothing' about) I lost it. I turned a corner in my mind - I can truly say I shut down emotionally. Completely. I don't care to help her anymore. I can not take even one more moment of guilt, agony or blame. I can not grieve any deeper, or any more. I can not continue to live my life with her in it. She has disrupted our family since she was a little girl. I have 2 wonderful sons, 15 and 23 who were raised in the exact same family, and are wonderful quality individuals. They have also been effected by her behaviors.

I think telling her to leave my home was the best thing. I gave her $40.00 to cover her food and get her through the next few days (she was on the phone shortly after I told her to leave happily making plans for someone named 'Jake' to come and pick her up so they could go 'party'). Lovely.

If anyone out there has any advice, or a similar experience (and god bless you if you have had to through this!) please, please, tell me about your own experience. I am heartbroken, saddened, and of course, I know, I am probably a 'bad mom' and can be blamed for not meeting her needs in some way......well, that may be the case but I do believe I have tried just about everything. I have told her time and again, I love her, unconditionally. I don't love her actions. Please feel free to give me any advice......it is so hard to just give up on your own child.........





(We sent her to 'rehab' at a very expensive girls school ($7500/mo) (seriously) and provided her with world class counseling, support, and life skills managment).
Wow, I am so sorry. Tell yourself that one day she will undrestand, maybe she won't but for now it's the only thing that can comfort you. I know it sounds lame, but maybe try a life coach for her, anger management or something? Dr. Phil, lol. Lame I know, but maybe there is something. The biggest fear is that maybe she will be out of control as an adult. You have not failed as a parent, you have done everything you can do, you can give her the tools, she has to use them. It won't make you feel good to kick her out, but she has to learn on her own. Life will force her to make a way. She does have a personality and you can't alter it, only she can. All you can do at this point I think, after she has left is let her deal with herself as her responsibility. You know, it's a whole new ball game when you have to feed yourself, you can't treat you employer that way, or a cop if you get pulled over. Life will force her to adjust her attitude, as painful as it will be for you to watch.

No, you are not a bad mom!

Doing well around animals and babies does bring something up. Neither can talk, in words. She may be a high-functioning-autistic and goes into overload easily. Silence and darkness can be golden to such individuals. Most of us simply tune out the TV, or the babble of a playground. What if you couldn't?

The baby with colic that she once was could still have a food allergy.

I'm sorry you are all going through this. I do believe that you did the right thing by " letting her go " even though it's killing you inside to some degree. You are a mom and you do the best that you can. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. You do, she does, etc. I do believe that your daughter will come back to you one day. I wouldn't hold your breath for it to come soon but it will come. I give you a lot of credit because I know for years I've been feel guilty for not doing everything right in my life. I've been letting the kids walk all over me for years and acted like a whimp about it. Only until recently I got tough and grew a darn spine and started taking a stand, once and for all. Just keep saying prayers that she is all right and focus on your family at home. Do what you can to keep your attitude in check. If you are upset with your daughter, just check in with yourself if you are getting upset with others. Communicate your feelings with your family as well so that they can support you. Try to keep the dramatic stories out of the picture. Just don't bring them up to keep the vicious cycle going. Trust yourself that you are doing what you think is best for everyone. This doesn't mean that you don't love your daughter either... it just means you are being a stand! A child never forgets their parents no matter what! Whatever she's angry about, time will heal itself! Your daughter is in the " Me " stage and sounds like she has been in that stage and will continue for some time. Let her hit rock bottom and eventually she will return and learn to appreciate what she no longer has.

Thank you all so much for the advice and support! Your opinions are appreciated - and needed!

This is the second time this year we have asked her to leave. Her father calls her 'toxic' - wonder if this is a viable diagnosis? (kidding, of course).

Although she has been 'diagnosed' several times and evaluated by many, many child and adolescent specialists, I suspect they might be overlooking the obvious: I think my daughter was born like this.

No, nothing happened during my pregnancy, her birth was easy and very normal. She was brought to a loving home with siblings, parents, and grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles all to welcome her. (Great family support system). I think she is nasty because [I]that is her personality! She was an angry, collicky baby, crying for hours on end as an infant. She was medically evaluated then and we were told that there was nothing physically (?) wrong. When she was young, we tried to teach her to be 'nicer' - she bullied the kids at her pre-school, biting another child on the cheek and drawing blood when she was just 3! When asked to apologize (sheesh, the poor kid she bit would probably have a scar for life), she did so robotically and with no remorse.

I think she has a personality defect in that she feels absolutely no sense of guilt, no remorse, no empathy. (She does however, love babies and animals and is very tender and loving to both. I have never, ever encouraged her to babysit for anyone.....that might be a real disaster. She loves our family animals and is wonderful with them). hmm

All of which lead me to believe that this behavior is a choice. She has chosen many times to suffer the consequences SHE KNOWS will result from a behavior just so she can do what she wants. (When she was little and was told ..'if you choose to do this, then this - time out, whatever - will be the consequence. She would actually THINK ABOUT IT, weigh the pay off, then do the deed and go sit in the time out chair, take the spanking, whatever the punishment was)! She didn't even think twice about it. Upping the consequences (which we thought would be easier as she got older) only resulted in her behavior escalating to 'match' the price!

Again, she never, ever, expresses guilt, and most certainly cannot connect 'responsiblity' to any of her actions.

Any one care to weigh in on this? Maybe brain damage? Genetic pre-disposition?

I just don't know.....but I do think it is best that she remain out of our home...the peace and quiet we are experiencing today is unmistakable........even the dog is calmer!


After reading this I strongly think she may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. My mother is narcissistic and the symptoms match your daughters behaviour. Im not a doctor but growing up with my mother and living with her in that condition it seems pretty close. She is incarcerated now (for murder), hopefully your daughter can get help before her actions go that far.

Hope I helped.

I can't believe that all of the professionals have offered no diagnosis.

I can't believe that all of the professionals have offered no diagnosis.

I can believe it because most of the so called professionals are not all that well educated.
They are taught some basics and go with the book knowledge and have no individual what do you do in this case? etc...
I went through it with my son for 10 years and all they would do was say he is ADHD, ADD and ODD. I asked them why does he get so violent and out of control then.
They give pat over all answers like it is too hard to diagnose things like schizophrenia,
Paranoia, etc... in children; besides we do not like to label them. When you label them it makes them like an outcast. Etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.
All they are concerned about for the most part, as far as I can see, is get them hooked on the ADHD drugs to stablize them so they are not a problem to society and one day maybe they will outgrow it.

That is sad, I am going through something with my daughter and we are seeking help. I hope we get answers.

I feel for you and your situation. I too have a problem child who is now 20 years old. She has been in three long term ( 8-9 months each) locked up juvenile programs. She now has a 3 month old child and has refused to take her meds since the baby has been born.

I recently filed a restraining order against her because she was threatening to burn her little brother and say that I did it. I made her and my grandchild ( that she is trying to use as a pawn) leave the house. I also have an 18 year old son, a 17 year old daughter and a 2 year old from a new marriage that live in the house. Making my daughter leave was hard but well worth it. I have had so many problems with my 17 year old in the last year I really felt that she was turning out to be like her sister. We are beginning to feel that hers is more of a learned behavior (from seeing her sister and how the systems works over the years) and pot smoking.
The daughter I kicked out has been diagnosed with ADD, ODD and Bi-polar. I always wonder where I went wrong... My kids also were raised all the same but the oldest one has always been the center of all of our lives since she was about 4-5 years old.

No you are NOT a bad mother... My friends all wonder how I have been able to survive without killing her and ending up in jail myself. At one time I even tried to sign her over to the state but they told me they didn't do that anymore because they have too many kids and nowhere for them to go.

I truly feel that one of the biggest problems is our juvenille system. They let the kids get away with murder. They do not back up the parenst and they give the kids too many rights.
I live in Florida and if your teen pays for their own cell phone, you can't take it away as a punishment because it's considered their property...
My youngest duaghter (17 but will be 18 in Nov.) is on probation and that's a joke also.
They have all these rules listed but yet the child can break them and nothing is done... so why have the rules... then they try to blame the parents for not following through...
I'm so over it. I always say that my girls have totally wore me out. I would have taken a house full of boys compared to my 2 girls anyday.

When I gave birth at 40, I had prayed for a boy.. and thank god my prayers were answered. If it was a girl I would have had to kill it by the time she reached 12-13.

My prayers are with you.. You are not a bad parent and you are not give up on her you are just chosing not to put up with her.

There have been many times I have wanted to kick out my 17 year old but she's seen the system and how it works her whole life... so when I tell her to get the hell out she says " No thanks, I like it here so I think I'll stay." She KNOWS that legally I can't kick her out until she is 18. I've also tried locking her out of the house and she just satnds at the door saying should I call 813-247-8000 (sherriff's office) or are you going to let me in?

It just makes me even more upset. All I can tell you is to pray, pray and pray more until she is 18. If you have to let her come back until she's 18... don't give her any privledges. Don't let her drive ( lock the keys in a safe every night). Don't buy any of her favorite food. ( by law all you have to do is provide food and shelter) Food can consist of beens and rice.. . ( lock everything else up in your bedroom).

Oh and in Florida your kids are allowed to break into your room.. they can even knock the door down if they want to because that's where they live... believe me, we've been through that whole thing.

So get a big safe, pray and count the days until she's 18. Hopefully one day she will realize everything you have done for her.

Good Luck... If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.

Yvette

You have just done what I have done to my own daughter who is 15. I have had very similar experiences to you, and have tried everything in my powers to help her.. She doesn't want the help that is the bottom line. It has now affected my 9 year old ( who is very well behaved and a lovely girl ) very badly. She is a nervous wreck. I can not live or take this no longer. It is very difficult beause of her age, social services have let me down in a big way. If I was a drug addict or neglected her etc, I would have got the help. My oppion is that she needs to be put in a secure unit for her own safety. She is a chronic asthmatic on loads of medication, but chooses to smoke and take drugs.. Until you go through this with a child, you don't just get how hard it is.. And to ask your child to leave or tell them they are not coming back is the most terrible thing as a mother to do, but sometimes you have no choice. I pray to god I don't get that call she is dead every night.. I hope one day she will get better?? My thoughts are with you totally. The reason I've made this decesion is by law social services have got tto do something if I don't want her here down to the safety of my younger chilkd... they forgot to tell me that one!1 Take care xx

1st off you obviously are a fantastic mom if you weren't you culdnt have done everything you have done for her & the fact tat your upset proves you love her unconditionally I must say tat most doctors only want your money when it comes 2 mental illness I undrstnd a bit of what you are dealn w when I was 15 I was hospitalized & put my mthr through hell 4 yrs before that what finally fixd me was when she snt me 2 my grndmthrs away frm evry1 and everything I knew there was no phone no friends no school & if I disobeyed I was punished severely it

Was a major wake up call I wasn't allowed to talk to my mom or nethng & being away from all the luxeries of home was hard I think if you could do something like that it may help her I mean its worth a shot I was in the country nothing for miles around & I don't know your daughter but I know I was horrible & it worked for me I hope you all the best & hope 1 day your daughter will come to u & hug u & say I love you mom & I'm sorry for everything. ~blessed be~

This thread is from 2008! Please check dates before posting.

Thank you.

Let me see a new person comes to this site and in their first few answers, pick out threads over a year old. Does no one even check dates