So I went through the whole break up I need space time etc l
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/will-she-come-back-186700.html

So after NC for about a month I kind of figured, hey wait a minute I'm going to get closure.. I need to hear those words, definitively, cause I am not giving up on something I believed in! And all I could think about was her, every morning 3am up and just thinking. So this is what I needed to do, get closure. Cause I'm not going to worry about someone that doesn't love me or want anything with me.

NC for me was like samuel L jackson in changing lanes near the end when he tells his AA homie that he has not had a drink and he is basically told that he has learnt nothing from it (ie, alcohol is still ruining his life even though he is not had a drink.)

Anyway, I called (till she answered) up and said look, obviously you have been ignoring anything I have said and tried to do, so just say it, say you do not love me or that there is no chance of us getting back together and I will leave you be. Won't do it cause its "not true." Yet she wants me to move on because she doesn't want me to wait around, BUT she doesn't want me to give up. And I tried getting those words out of her 4 times, pissing her off to no end but she won't say it... How do you move on from someone who says they love you and that's not going to change, and there is still a possibility of getting back together, but move on..!

What the hell does move on mean? I doing all the things I've always done, nothing more nothing less. Im super busy etc. So to me move on is like saying its over, yet when I explained that, it was like, "no it is not."

Oh well...

I'm against the fact that you broke the NC rule.. especially if its her who wanted a break to begin with.. One thing you should know is that women are like stamps, the more you spit on them the better they stick (on us incidentally)..
If you sit around and mope all day that she loves you yet its so unfair why aren't you together e.t.c e.t.c then you'll never get your together man (excuse my french)..
What you need to do is forget about her and move on, and let her worry about what she's going to tell you if she decides on ever coming back. A girl that loves you wouldn't be putting you through a break if she knew it was hurting you.
She wants to keep you hanging on that tiny thread of hope until something better comes along. Then she'll tell you "I told you to move on" .
Find someone else and she'll come sniffing around like a stray dog. It's the name of the game unfortunately, and it sucks but we all have to go through it.
Move on for yourself not for her.

Btw don't beat yourself up about breaking the NC.. I broke it after 4 days I couldn't last.
We all make mistakes but what this site taught me is that we need to face facts sometimes and just learn from things.

THANKS! Makes sense.


You kind of think to yourself "I love her, she loves me, I did things wrong etc so I will make it up...."

Yeah, Im not bummbed about breakng it, I was very clear to myself why.

Just bummed cause I could not get the response I thought. But somehow I do feel that, if she really loved me, after all this, would it really be still happening.

Principle

We seek closure as release from tension.

Your search for closure led you to more confusion, than the answer you were looking for. Hopefully you learned that a confused female cannot give you closure, only more confusion, and secondly, but even more importantly, you cannot make someone say, or do what you want them to. Your closure can only come through acceptance that the relationship is over, and there is nothing left for you to do, but move on.

if she really loved me, after all this, would it really be still happening.
No it would not be happening, she loves you, but not enough to sustain a relationship with you.

True.

Thanks T, but you know what's funny is that I asked her that very question, "do you love me that way," Ie not just as friends or care or whatever, but very specifically in "that way," the answer being a "yes and thats no going to change." Apparanlty she feels really angry and bitter about things in our relationship.

Kochi
She has given you closure by the fact she doesn't want to be with you , take it. You are just confusing yourself because you don't want it to be over.

IF she ever comes back you will be in a better state of mind and can then decide whether its what you really want to do.

Move forward and don't contact her again.

You Know I feel like "moving on" means there is no coming back...

I kind of felt like as long as she "loves" me and there is a chance of us getting back together, I don't mind paying for the mistakes I made. I figure okay she loves me I love her, she is unsure at the moment (becuase of things that went wrong) so I will hang around as long as needed, or till she tells me she don't love me no more. It was a decision I made.

So the hard part for me is not moving on, its finally deciding to "give up," or leave something you know you are not going to come back to, so you will wait as long as there is hope.

I know I probably sound like a idiot right now... but it's the way I feel about it. I feel like I have to give up on what I believe.

I don't know though, Im close to it. I just can quit until I've given it all I have then its fine. :)