Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 yrs. Everything was great for over a yr. its been about 1.5 months now she's hasent been acting herself. We had some fights and stuff, but we never fought before so its only normal. Anyway, 2 weeks ago she came out of now where saying she wants to break up and all that crap, we talked about it and she said she wanted her space to be alone, that she was confused, however she wasn't able to give me any reasons for her actiong though. So were on a "break" she said she would call me when she was ready. After 2 weeks I called her just to say hi and to see if she was OK, she started to break down on the phone craying really hard, we talked she brought up what I was doing without her and I said I went out and stuff, she got upset at the idea of me going clubbing, but I didn't go. We talked about the relationship and she was really emotional but yet seemed like she wanted to break up. We talked for 2 hr, so if she didn't want to talk I guess we wouldn't have. Anyway, I don't know what to do now. I know since I met this girl that she has issues about her life, and has always suffered from depression but wasent enough for her to realise, me and my mom confronted her that she was going through something and that one day she will snap. I've been through it before. Anyway I really think she has hit emotional rock bottem and is doing this because her head is messed up. She comes from a familly that treats her like ****, she's been doing bad in school, so I guess she's stressed out about her life that she want to park me on the side to deal with her problems. I've read your comments and my girlfriend was really acting not herself through all this stuff. Like she was a totally different person than the one I knew. What do you guys think is going on?? Is she really going through a break down, or does she really doesn't want to be with me?? I mean I've done so much for her and her life wouldn't be the way it is now if it wasn't for me. So why would she want to lose a great guy like me. She's been hurt by losers before that cheated on her and **** like that, so why would she let me go? If she needs to see a dr to get help for her issue I want to help her. I'm really confused please let me know what you think? Thanks

Hi, Mattvit,
I am 64 yrs old, married 28 yrs to a wonderful lady, 2nd. Marriage. My first marriage ended in divorce after 7 years.
So, with you having a relationship for a year and a half, my marriage ended after 7 years. There are no guarantees in life.
When a person has their own personal problems, it's very hard to have a relationship with someone else. Your girl has problems, and it's going to be hard for her to be interested in anyone until she can straighten them out.
One has to like oneself, before they can like another.
My suggestion is to "just hang in there", giving her support, but stay out of her way. Don't offer help, unless she asks you. Give her some time, and meet some new girls. If you both really love each other, it will happen for you eventually, but might be a few months on down the road.
I do wish you the best of luck.

Dear mattvit, first welcome to the forum. Second, you don't need to post the same issue twice - we get the messages one way or the other.
As fredg said, give her time - you are both still young and maybe she needs some serious time to herself to develop personal growth and self-confidence. Please remember one important thing - just because a girl says she needs a break - there is not always another guy involved - so leave that green jealous monster in the closet for a while.

Good Luck, and keep us posted.




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Hi, thanks for your support. But, why would she want to get ride of me to grow and get confidence and wtv. I'm there for her and I love her and I just don't get why she wants to be alone?

I get the love you have but since she has decided to work on herself then give her the time to do just that.It doesn't matter whether she tells you her reason, just respect her wishes.This doesn't mean that you should sit on your hands and wait for her to comeback or call ,it is very important you move on with your life and do the things you enjoy,and make you happy!Time will tell if you get back with her or not, so go live life and let her grow.Giving her space is an act of love :cool:

hi, thanks for ur support. but, y would she want to get ride of me to grow and get confidence and wtv. im there for her and i love her and i just dont get y she wants to be alone?Just because YOU'RE there for her and YOU LOVE her, does not mean that she does not have a life and needs to straighten it out for HERSELF. One should never put any other person on a pedestal or in the center of our universe unless it's your own child (from a mother). So, please understand that even if she knows that you care and love her, she still will need time to get to know herself - are you ready to do that? We don't own our partners and should not imagine that we are the only ones that should count in their lives - that's being selfish, so if you are on that road, you need a new perspective on how to treat people in your life. I wish you lots of luck and above all hope you learn a lot of patience - you'll need it no matter what woman enters your life.

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Hey mattvit,

Hmmmmmmmmmmm heard this 1000 times before. Me thinks there is some more to this. 95% chance there is deffinitely another guy. For sure. Sorry for the tough love.

Space, needs time etc. = usually always means she has found another guy she is concentrating on. This is the calssic example. SHE WILL not tell you this - ever. You're a classic 'nice guy' - the 'I love her and did everything for he' guy. She doesn't want to damage your ego. Truth hurts, but it's better than lying.

You should not have called. DO NOT contact her. Give 2 months - NO CONTACT. You are broke. She doesn't want to be with you. Trust me on this. Work on yourself - hangin with friends, DATE, DO GO TOI CLUBS (DO NOT worry what she thinks - she doesn't want to be with you) - workout, hang with your family, work hard at work and school,

Three keys after a break:

1. DO NOT CONTACT HER WHA TEVER YOU DO - 2 MONTHS. DO NOT RETURN HER CALLS, E-MAILS, TEXT. Have girl buddy to talk to - a friend to call when you have the urge to call her.

2. DATE!!

3. Be busy, make YOUR life better, have fun - if she see that you are OK without her - she may come back.

She doesn't want this love sick puppy calling her all the time.

Learn about dating and what a 'nice guy' is, learn about women and dating:

www.askmen.com - read ALL datin garticles

www.sosuave.com - learn about women's tricks and WHY they HATE 'nice guys'

www.lovetactitcs.com - learn about winback and TRUE LIFE dating.

This gal doesn't want space, she wants to date other guys. TRUST me - she's fine, she doesn't need to be by her self - just excusses to get rid of you.

I assume 100% you were to oinsecure lately, needy, jealous etc. - women HATE that.

Do do what she wants yo uto do - that controlling and a test.

She wants you for backup after the guy she IS seeing doesn't work out or turns into a creep.

Cherry is SOOOOOOO dead on.

Leave her alone for now. No calls.

I know I am leaving her alone now. But she just called me. She was like who is this # that's calling my phone. I was like I don't know. She said well are you calling me and stuff. I say well no. she said uve been doing good giving me space like I asked. She said if I find out your calling me and ****, I'm going to break up with you with out a doubt. Then I was like what the hell I didn't do anything. Then her voice went all soft and she was like o crap, I'm sorry I accused u, I know uve been doing good so far. Then I said, well you. Then we said buy and that's it.

I Didn't CALL HER!! I SWEAR.

So what do you guys think of the situation now? Is she just needing time to herself to go shopping with her friends and stuff and will get back with me, is she testing me? What the hell is she doing? I know when she called me she was out shopping because I checked her online banking and she had spent money at the stores. I'm so pissed off. Please let me know what you think

she said if I find out your calling me and ****, I'm going to break up with you with out a doubt

She has no trust or respect for you then?


I checked her online banking and she had spent money

You shouldn't be doing that you know!

You need to go 100% for the" NO CONTACT RULE" don't call don't page text or anything with her... If she calls you just let your voicemail pick up and take time out to get your own head straight. I agree that it sounds like something is up maybe another guy on the scene but I feel she is starting to take you for a ride now!

Regards the calls I think she is just looking for away to break up and turn a spin on it to make it look like your to blame.

Sorry to be blunt, but go out enjoy your life... Have time for you and resoect and love yourself, I'm sure then you will meet Mrs Right because this girl don't seem to be the one.

I agree, but y can she just admit break up. Like listen we haven't seen each other for 3 weeks, talked for 2 weeks. To me were NOT together anymore, y is she doing this stupid game ****. Like she thinks I'm going to be around when she decides she wants to be with me. I've accepted its over. Because this is reduculous. Now she wants space to do what she wants and thinks I'm going to be crying at home. No way, I think she's either trying to get revenge on me for hurting her or get payback, something like that. Because when I talked to her its like she decided that we won't be together for x amount of time, and that we just have to see it through. She tells me I'm going good, giving her space. What the hell am I her dog? I think she's trying to gain control and to hurt me or something. Who knows what's in her head. All I know is that she has never been this way ever. Its like she is possesd and not herself. Please guys let me know what u think now. I've accepted that were not together because we haven't been, an she's playing stupid games. I'm sure she will call me and say its over like in a few weeks, but I already know it is. Or she might say I miss u I want u again, then I won't give in.cuz if she really loved me like she says she does, then its BS. Because I've always told her, words mean nuthing to me. If u love me u need to show it, not say it. So obviously she doesn't care anymore and is taking me for a ride. So her right now she's going out doing stuff thinking that she has me on a string, but to her surprise if/when she calls me ill have my own surprises. Let me know what u think now. Thanks

QUIT picking up the phone.
No contact.

Hate to break thi to you - but you made her this way - she walks all over you.

You need to grow a spine and put her in her place. Butleave her alone for at least 2 months.

...,it is very important you move on with your life and do the things you enjoy,and make you happy!Time will tell if you get back with her or not, so go live life and let her grow.Giving her space is an act of love :cool:
So now that things are clearer now,it should be easy to move on and chalk this one under FINISHED business.:cool:

I agree... right now, this gal at her age is ttrouble for you.

I agree... right now, this gal at her age is ttrouble for you.


So now that things are clearer now,it should be easy to move on and chalk this one under FINISHED business.

I don't think any one here can make it any more clear than the advice that you have been given "NO CONTACT RULE" is a must! Change your number if you have to, move on with your life because I'm sure this Ex is for sure.

You need to be strong and move on, stop letting this girl walk all over you... Your on a string to her at present, stop jumping when she calls and show her you really are moving on... Hell call the phone company and get her *** barred from calling you...... MOVE ON ...... !!!!

I don't think you couldget back together with the way she has treated you and these threats.

Go out with a good girl and it will make you forget about her.

How older are bot hof you?

She was a good girl till this crap started. I'm 22 and she's 20. Trust me I haven't let her step on me in our relationship, as much as I have been good I also have been bad. This is just now with this crap. All of a sudden she started to be and act like a B***H. she obviously doesn't want to be with me but yet hasent said it or decided. I know that were done, but she's playing these games, she has been very odd, weird, fishy, like she is a totally different person over night. Anyway I've been disrespected beyond repair so I just want to be the one to say its over. You know. But you guys are saying not to contact her. I just let her think what she wants and I move on with her thinking I'm still there?

No<you Move On Doesn't Matter What She Thinks No Contact Rule!:cool: :eek:

So if she does call... I Don't ANSWER!! Right. Lol

I been where you are... no contact is best. Don't play her games and let her walk all over you. Don't let it get to you. You will get past this. I know how you feel I just started getting over my ex and I'm finally feeling normal again... im happy. You will be too just give it time. If she wants to play games then its not worth it. But you need to figure that out for yourself. If you get back together great but don't think its definite because if it doesn't happen you'll be worse off. Trust me just try to let go as best you can. If she really wants to be with you shell come back. It does get easier believe me

Bro, I totally understand all your advice and I'm not contacting her. She can think wtv she wants this is her game and she can play it with herself. To me its over. I'm going to be here doing my school work because really I need to graduate as an engineer so I can have a life for myself. So that's it. But, is she cheating on me?? How can I find out for sure if she is? Like she hasent said its over, and I haven't said its over, so I just leave it at that and let her think she is playing her games, while I'm moving on? So the only fool here is her, playing her games with herself and that's it right?

Right,Don't look back,like you said get a life for yourself!:cool:

Love is based on a lot of things... first trust and honesty. Yes, she asked for space and you give it to her. Love always finds it way no matter what. Just do what she ask and listen to her. Maybe she went to the stores with her friends to clear things up. But you can't put your life on hold for her. Do what you normally do and everything will be OK? She will come around, if she doesn't... there is other fish in the sea. Good luck, and keep us posted.

But, why can't I tell her I'm not going to take her **** and that I'm deciding its over?

If you feel that way then do so. But if you do love this person for the right reasons then you have to hang in there.

But she's playing games, holding me on a string. She said she wanted space but she's being a bitc* about it out of nowhere. Yes I'm giving her her space but, its like she's taking a vacation and it has no conciquences

Do you have aim messenger? Easier to chat.

I don't have msn so this is cool... well have you asked her what is going on?

She doesn't want to say, she's acting all weird and not the same person. Like something is obviously wrong but she doesn't say anything. She's like idunno I want space I want to be alone for a bit I'm confused. But then after a week and a half of not talking I called to see if she was OK, I mean I care about her you know. So she started to cry on the phone hard! then she would get bitcy and say you weren't suppose to call me, then I would say well ill let you go then she would say nonono don't go. What a mess. Gimme your aim address

Extreme42583

So I've been reading some info and looks like I guess my "ex" has lost interest in me or something lately. So that's y she says I need "space" I want to be alone for a bit. That pretty much means its over without actually breaking up right? She said I'm confused I don't know what I want and she can't come to a decition. I'm still puzzled by the idea that maybe she does just want space or something, but she's just acted to weird. She's just chicken to break up and playing these games. I'm doing the no contact rule even though I sit here without a decition, hanging on a string. So I will go on with my day to day activities and leave it at this. You guys think she will call me or contact me by staying away. Because she really has the idea that I will call her a lot, but yet I haven't and she's surprised and says its good and seems to like it. I'm still confused I'm on my way of figuring this stuff out, but not quite there yet. You think after awhile she will miss me or the sex and call me? Let me know more please

Don't call her. It's YOU not her. It' YOU!! YOU pushed her away - I am sure by being needy, insecure and jealous recently.

Forget this gal. You not get back togethe with her. She doesn't respect you.

Start ddating and find a gal who likes you for you.

Well how can it be dooomed and over that easily? Y would that cause her to not be with me. We care about each other, so I thought. I'm way confused . Can this be fixed or salvaged? Maybe in a few weeks she will get over what she is feeling now and miss what we had before she felt this way?

It's a game. She's lied to you. Women get all upset over these things. She feels bad about the break, but most likely there IS another guy. Women 99% of the time don't want to be alone - trust me.

See - you need to learn that women make decisions based on their feelings... it's not always logic. When women are young the like men based on how they make them feel - NOT LOGIC. Woman DO NOT think like us - so stop trying to rationalize this from a guys stand point - you go nuts.

I am sure you put too much pressure on her lately - always asking dumb questions about your relationship, where she was etc.

You eed to move on for 2 months. DFrom wha tyou've told us she has no respect for you and she has ALL the power in the relationship. By moving on and concentrating on yourself you will regain power.

So were not on a break to cool off, she's gone for good?

You have so many unanswered question about this whole thing I know how you feel. I still have questions that ill probably never get answered. You know why? Because there isn't any. I know its rough but you'll never find answers. Do not contact her. There's no point in it. Your playing a game that you have no power in so you can't win. Like wildcat says by walking away you gain power. Just walk away... do not contact her. It may make you feel better for a while but overall you'll feel worse. You will get out of this spot you are in after a while and things will get better. Stop thinking about getting back together. If it happens it happens but there nothing you can do about it right now. Just try your best to get on... keep your head up man things will get better

Matt,after all the advice you still don't see what everyone else sees do you?If someone loves you would they be treating you the way she treats you?Come on Matt we're just trying to spare your feelings till you can get over this girl.Every body here knows how you feel but the simple fact is you want some one to give you answers you want to hear and not accept the fact that this relationship sucks.Do you want to go through life with some nut dissin'you every time you look around ?do you want babies by some who doesn't love and respect you?You want the truth so listen to it. Your wasting your time with a female who has issues that will tear your life apart (and just look what she's done so far if you don't believe me!) If this is what love is about I rather eat sushi!If I were you I would have said adios a long time ago and found me a drop dead georgous female who at least respected me and I would be having fun.So drop that sick puppy crap and show yourself that you respect yourself enough to get a life(A REAL LIFE) instead of hanging around to eat more of miss dumb****s s***t.You will never be a man as long as she has her finger in your aaaaaasssssss!:cool:

You sounds about right. One day at a time and go on.

WILDCAT, u said this in another thread :It probably has something to do with the way she was brought up. Her parents may have been abusive, so she is used to being treated poorly - she doesn't have to worry about NOT hurting his feelings because he is a jerk and it doesn't matter. You - being the 'good guy' - she has to worry about ALWAYS being nice.

This is my situation bro. this girls ex treated er like **** and cheated on her. Her parents treat her like **** too,like she's a failure. So I guess your statement applies to me as well. This girl would be scared to tell me she made plans with her friends and I would say well why don't u just say it from the start, she wsould be I'm afraid to hurt your feelings. I guess that's bull****, because what she's doing now is really hurting and disrespecting me a crap load.

i know i am leaving her alone now. but she just called me. she was like who is this # thats calling my phone. i was like i dont know. she said well r u calling me and stuff. i say well no. she said uve been doing good giving me space like i asked. she said if i find out ur calling me and ****, im gonna break up with u with out a doubt. then i was like what the hell i didnt do anything. then her voice went all soft and she was like o crap, im sorry i accused u, i know uve been doing good so far. then i said, well ya. then we said buy and thats it.

I DIDNT CALL HER!!!!! I SWEAR.

so what do u guys think of the situation now? is she just needing time to herself to go shopping with her friends and stuff and will get back with me, is she testing me? what the hell is she doing? i know when she called me she was out shopping cuz i checked her online banking and she had spent money at the stores. im so pissed off. please let me know what u thinkOK, there is no need to use the 'h' word, you can use heck if need be. But, if I found out my b/f, or anyone else for that matter, checked my online bank account, I'd turn the person in and press charges. This is invasion of privacy, and I don't really care if you are p'd off or not - you have no right to be. Like I said before, you DON'T own anyone but yourself, and once you get used to that fact, the better off you'll be. I don't know where you got your upbringing from, but to me it's evident you need some serious help, before you'll be liked by anyone the way you act at present. Get rid of the 'control freak' and the 'green jealous monster' or you'll wind up alone many times in your life.

Instead of asking if we think she's testing you - you should ask yourself what type of games you are playing and for how much longer. You need to learn to understand where this distrust in people in general is based on and work on it.

Put yourself in her shoes for just one minute, and then you'd not need to wonder why she needs space - you are probably smothering her to no end.

Dear, you really need to work on yourself first, honest - because if you keep this up, you'll never, ever be happy. Understanding, trust, and compassion should be your priority within a relationship, and if it's not there - ask yourself why.


Hoping you'll get there before it's too late for her to give you a second chance, and wishing you lots of luck.

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I know all that already, thrust me I have had a lot of time to think about mmyself and what I've done to cause her to want space. But imean people make mistakes and we learn from them and that's wnhat makes us better people. And I realise that now. And she knows that because we talked about it when we spoke last week. I would like for her to believe in me because I won't be the dumbass I've been sometimes, and she knows once I know my mistakes I won't repeat them.thats what killing me. We have been together for so long without ANY problems, its only been a few weeks of little fights. If she wants a break from me because of it and that's the reason, I know that I will do things differently and we can work on it to get through it. And she knows that I'm like that that I will look at myself and see the wrong doings and do something about it. I know she has strong feelings for me, and we had many oppertunities to break up and go our separate ways through all this, and she did not want to. She said I just need a break. And I said it will be one for me too so I can reflect on how I've acted sometimes. You guys all say there is another guy. I really don't think so. I honestly feel that she just wants to breath a little or else when I told her, OK lets just break up and make it official, she refused and said I just want a break. So there must be a reason for that. Its only been 2 weeks. And I know she hasent had that much time to get out and do stuff, because her friends aren't available all the time. So I think I should give it till Vday, and see if she contacts me. And then go from there

Well, see - it doesn't work that way with women. She needs to feel attraction for you - you pushed her away. SHe's done with you.

You seem real needy and that's repulsive to women.

Well dude, if I was smothering her and she said she needs space from me, and she's confused about what she wants then space I have been giving her. Its 3 weels we don't see each other and we talked once last week. And she was crying really hard on the phone. But yet she still didn't make a decition. So she must be conflicted about something. Because I told her OK man I don't want to play these games its been 2 weeks already and I'm not going to go on, so lets just break up and that's it. She still said I just need more time to figure stuff out. Is she doing this as a test to see if I will still be needy if we stay together? Does she not love me or care about me anymore? Y didn't she want to break up after I told her OK lets do it?

Dude - it's not a test. She is seeing someone else - about 99% of the time it's that.

I'd forget about this one - I am big on winback, but this gal is not worth after the crap she has told you and put your through.

I know your right, but a part of me doesn't want to let go. And I really doubt she would be seeing someone else. But if she is, how can I find out?

You don't find out unfortunately - YOU CAN'T ask her friends - it comes across as jealous and insecure. You will find out one day.

The sooner you let this one go, the sooner a better woman comes into your life. Believe me - I struggled with this stuff for years.

You can't ever put another woman with too much importance in your life. Again, women are part of your life - not your life - you need work, school, friends, family, hobbies, workouts - ALL equally important - make time for all - especially now.

And get out there and meet new women.

Forget it Wildcat he isn't listening to anyone but himself he wants what he wants and you can't change his mind so let him bump his head against the wall and be miserable,after 40 threads,he still doesn't get it!:cool:

I get it, its just a hard blow.

Hi, I've been thinking about everything and I'm getting use to the fact that this has happened its almost a month now that the "space/break" thing started. I was wondering if it would be wrong to call her up and tell her that I want answers for her actions and that I'm moving on and to have a happy life? U guys say that people want what they can't have. This past month she knows she has me, so if I tell her I'm not waiting for her to decide aanymore, and say "CIAO HAVE A NICE LIFE" so she will know she doesn't have me anymore. Will this mes up anything?

Your assignment Matt,Get a life and leave this girl alone,your starting to sound a little whiny and that ain't good.Leave it alone and find something else to do and think about .It sounds like all you do is moon for a female that is loooooong gone.Hate to be harsh but is there anything in your life beside one lousy female sheeeez.The reast of us males are thinking of taking you "MAN"card so srtaghten up already!

Leave her alone. Period end of story.

She WILL see right through you. Women have extra senses that guys do not have... one of them is WUSSDAR (much like radar) - she WILL know it's a ploy.

The only thing to do is LEAVE HER ALONE NOW!!

Hey, I haver an update on this BS. I know for a fact that she IS seeing another guy. The same guy I caught her with in the car 2 months ago when she gave me SHI* excuss it was her friends brother driving her home. So on Vday she went out with him ans I saw her get out his car with flowers. I don't know about you but that's major proof something is going on. Anyway she called me to blast me for seeing her and was all BITC**. Wtv we talked for 3 hrs about all kinds of crap. She totally denide ever cheating on me or seeing someone on this "break" she was like I'm still thinking and need more time. I said, you because your messing around with someone else stupid . We ending the conversation with her still wanting time and that she isn't seeing someone. Anyway, I called her back yesterday to put an end to this BS. I called, no answer. She called back after 2 hrs, talking all nice, hi how are you what you doing? Anyway I got right into it, saying I though about lastnite and that this BS she's doing and her accusations and games, and I said, you know what I'm talking about you know what your doing I don't need to tell u. then she was like I'm not doing anything I swear, were just on a break, I just wanted to be alone for a little. I was like you, alone to be with someone else. Anyway I really gave it to her. I told her I'm breaking up with you and leaving you for good. I said you had more than enough time to yourself and to think so your time is up, GAMEOVER. As soon as I started to get into it, she aFREAKED! She started to get emotional, started to cry and was like OMG, why are you getting mad at me,why are you doing this, please don't go, where you going? Don't leave me, I swear I didn't do anything blah blah blah... FING LIES!! Anyway at one poiint she was like well we shouldn't see each other then, I want to break up with u, I was like sweety, did you not understand that IM LEAVING U AND I JUST BROKE UP WITH U 5 Minutes AGO. FING girls man, they always try to get the last word, well not with me. Haha anyway, in the end she was all upset and I at least had the decency to wish her a good life, goodluck. CIAO! She totally freaked out. She was like please don't go stay and talk to me. I was like oh, I have homework to do my life doesn't revolve around u, so good bye. She still was trying to hang on, "y r u doing this please dont go"... so I said goodbye, and hung up. She imidiatly called me back. I did not answer. She then called me another 5 times within like a 2 hr spand. Anyway, so that's what I did. Good or not, I had no choice I had to put my foot down for my own sake. So whether she was fooling around and holding me on a string in case that did not work out, she was having fun playing her game, but its game over now. Garunteed she was totally upset and did not sleep last night. Anyway, I still don't know what the hell she was trying to do. I don't know let me know what you think. Was she genuanly freaked out, you think she will try to come back?

Dude - stop stalking this women leave her alone!! She WITH another guy for a reason.

WHY on earth are you ever on the phone with a women for 3 hours??

This gal is NEVER coming gbacl after your stalking. Trust me. Move on.

Stop calling her. It does NOT help.

She wanted you to break up with her - it's easier on her.

Your post is very creepy.

Y would she call me back 5 times?

Bro, Possibly because she doesn't want to lose your friendship... Your not going to change her feelings.. she needs time to herself... Even if she does change her feelings do you think everything is going to go back to normal?? By the way your acting now it may not seem like it but your pushing her farther away... I'm going through the same thing as you are and I know its hell... But the most productive way to fix this relationship is to give each other some space... Don't call her... When you have the urge to call her go to the gym or go over a friends but don't call... Go date other people... Who knows maybe you'll meet a girl who's 100 times better than her, maybe she's doing you a favor... and if you guys were meant to be then she'll find her way back to you... I'm going on my second month of not talking to my ex who I was with for 3 and half years.. she left me for another guy as well... It sucks man... just focus on yourself and keep your head up... She doesn't deserve your time anymore...

She has you as second fiddle in case this other guy doesn't work out - guys can turn real creepy after a month or two. She knows what she has with you.

I agree with confused - you are pushing her a way.

DON'T answer her calls either. She doesn't deserve your time right now.

I been through it as well - AND I met a gal 100 times better.

And please stop insulting her and calling her names. Be the good guy - the fun guy - the guy you were when you first met.

Yea I agree she also wants to string you along just in case it doesn't work out between her and that guy... You got to man up and cut the string and move on with your life...

I have been acting like the guy she fell in love with. She wanted space and I didn't call her, or bugg her, and she was happy I was respecting her wishes. It was her that called me. So I did not chase her. I was decent enough to wish her the best. So I'm not totally messed up. Maybe I have pushed her away more, but I don't think its as bad as it could have gotten. So I don't think I've totally messed up. For sure she has been stringing me along, but after telling her I'm leaving for good, the string is cut. I did it for myself to clear my head. I'm sure she was upset because it happened all so suddenly however, for sure she still knows that I'm here and I still have feelings for her.

Ok your saying that you have cut the strings and your not going to have her pulling your strings? So why the hell you going to be there for her!! You need to get on with your life and enjoy yourself...

Set your caller I.D and let the answer phone take her calls, if you are saying that you have both split now then I would say issue her the " NO CONTACT RULE " this is a good thing to do for you both as your both going to feel pretty screwed up right now... Go and find that nice girl that ain't going to give you b/s all the time!! Start to LIVE leave HER *** in the PAST.

I didn't say I'm still there for her, I meant that she knows I still have feelings for her, and that she knows where to find me. You can't just lose feelings for someone overnite, no matter what they do.

Matt that's correct my bad sorry I miss read what you had put...

Yea the feelings are going to be there and cutting deep inside you, but you have to get your head 110% straight or you will always be living in the past our wishing or trying to get things back on with her... She probley feels as bad as you do now that things have blown up head on!

But you will find that as you move along with your life, she will slip a little further back of your mind each day. Until you find oneday that you don't even think of her at all... There is a good saying, she won't know what she has lost until your gone....

Break ups are hard on all side's no matter what.

Lol, well maybe now that I told her that I'm leaving her and not waiting around, her security is gone. So she will start to think about what it is that she has lost now that she doesn't have it anymore.

lol, well maybe now that i told her that im leaving herand not waiting around, her security is gone. so she will start to think about what it is that she has lost now that she doesnt have it anymore.

Your correct it will really kick in now that your not on that string that her security blanket is gone;)

I know its going to be hard for you, but keeping yourself busy is always a good way to keep your mind off her -- visit friends etc -- have some fun... Now is the time for you to start to live :)

You, for sure she will actually start to really think about things and start to realise things in a way she didn't before now that her serurity is gone. Guaranteed she won't enjoy being with the other guy now that this has hit her really hard, she will probably be thinking of ME. HAHAHA. Anyway, I have been going out and it helps, but I still think of her and find myself wanting to be with her still but I can thelp it, I'm only human. Thanks to all who help/lisetned to my complaining .

thanks to all who help/lisetned to my complaining

Come on a problem shared is a problem halfed... There are always people her 24/7 ((365)) willing to listen and help you out.

Matt just keep that busy lifestyle up and you will find it does get easy with time, TRUE not an overnight fix but time...

i have been acting like the guy she fell in love with. she wanted space and i didnt call her, or bugg her, and she was happy i was respecting her wishes. it was her that called me. so i did not chase her. i was decent enought to wish her the best. so im not totaly messed up. maybe i have pushed her away more, but i dont think its as bad as it could have gotten. so i dont think ive totaly messed up. for sure she has been stringing me along, but after telling her im leaving for good, the string is cut. i did it for myself to clear my head. im sure she was upset because it happend all so suddenly however, for sure she still knows that im here and i still have feelings for her.

Dear, I still have feeling for my very first boyfriend and we email each other at least twice a year, but I don't think I'd ever want to share a different part of my life with him. Once a 'special' feeling is gone, on the man or woman's part, that's it. There is nothing that can be done to regain that 'tingle' or trust, as it has been 'stabbed' The only outcome could evolve into an amiable friendship which is not all bad, if you can emotionally handle it. Most adults can and it's healthy to be able to remember people we shared special moments with. But when the time comes to let go, then let go and continue with your life. No person in the world, unless older, wiser, and committed to spend the rest of his/her life with each other can understand how important it is to compromise and overlook those little 'quirks' which every human being has. Nobody is 100 percent perfect, but we don't have to hate them either, once the initial pain is gone. Let it heal, then go on and start living your life building a new chapter with the experience you've gained (good or bad).

Unfortunately that's what life is all about, living and learning and dealing with life, one way or the other. I certainly wish you all the best for a happy future, which we all deserve and should thrive for. But don't let those disappointments drag you down to a point of no return. You, like many of us, belong to a very large club in this world, but we still go on somehow and get stronger as we go. Please keep us posted and keep that head of your's high, and don't give up hope. GOod Luck!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

You should not spend too much time on why, what, where, she is at and start focusing on what you want. Be honest with yourself. Do you want to really be with a girl who has problems? no. why would you want to be with this girl. I don't know... yes you do. Simple. You want a real girlfriend. Like someone who has less crap going on and can focus on the relationship. So, do you want to be her doctor and help her for a long time? Or do you want another girlfriend who will have few problems to deal with so you can enjoy spending good time with her. You know the answer. Don't you. Yes you can see the light now. Good luck and don't waste time on other peoples problems. My friends here told me that...

you should not spend to much time on why, what, where, she is at and start focusing on what you want. be honest with yourself. do you want to really be with a girl who has problems? no. why would you want to be with this girl. i dont know... yes you do. simple. you want a real girlfriend. like someone who has less crap going on and can focus on the relationship. so, do you want to be her doctor and help her for a long time? or do you want another gf who will have few problems to deal with so you can enjoy spending good time with her. you know the answer. dont you. yes you can see the light now. good luck and dont waste time on other peoples problems. my friends here told me that...

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)You finally got it! Congrats. Helping other people is nice, but it should not be a full-time job (unless you work professionally at it - and then there is still time off for you and other things) because life is short and you should have your chance to enjoy it too. Good for both of you!

From a 22 year old female in relationship two years...

It sounds like your girfriend is stringing you along. She is trying to see how far she can push you. She has some self-esteem issues and she knows that you're not going anywhere. It's obvious that you love her so here's what I suggest... Let her go. You only want someone who loves you, and running away or "taking a break" without fully discussing her problems is unfair to you. If she sat down and told you she had problems and discussed them openly with you, you could have supported her emotionally. She wouldn't allow you to do that and now she's just holding on and hurting you. She knows she's hurting you, she's not that stupid. The question you need to ask yourself is Do I deserve this? I was married at 19 and took a "break" from my husband for two weeks. I never called him and I sure as hell didn't give a **** if he went clubbing! I wanted the break because I needed to re-evaluate my life. Your girlfriend got mad at you for "going to the club" because she wants you to feel like ****. It sounds ****ed up but that's how we are. If you feel like ****, she feels better.

GIDGIT75:... y didn't she allow me to discuss her issues with me? Y do all this bull****. She knows I would listen. Why be on a "break" and bee seeing another guy, and deny it. **** y she doing this. Really, Y?? She with another guy just to hurt me? What the heck I called her yesterday to cut the string, and I told her our break is over and I'm leaving her. She was very emotional and was like why are you doing this please don't go, I just wanted space. Then I told her well why u with another guy. She denyed it, even though we both know she is. Does she still have feeling? Y did she call me 5 times after I told her have a good life ciao and hung up on her?

You don't get it do you... you keep saying the same things... just man up and face reality... ITS OVER... her feelings have changed... people change.. if she still had the same feelings for you then you wouldn't be here... It sucks but that's life... you'll get over it trust me.. just takes time... The only way to win her back is to give her the gift of missing you and to leave her alone..

That's what I will do

I remember when I was in your place not too long ago... I would be checking this thing constantly hoping that someone will say something that would make me feel better... give me hope that the relationship isn't over or give me advice to win her her back... I was in hell, it was driving me crazy , I just wanted things to be how they were a month before our break up... But from my experience and the advice others have given me the only thing you can do is act like you don't care and don't contact her.. Cause if you do, your going to push her away for good and then you'll never have another shot. I haven't spoken to my ex in 2 months and I can tell its driving her crazy... I can tell she's been checking my myspace wall reading the comments people leave, etc... It's the hardest thing to do but once you reach around the third week of no contact it gets much easier from there... If you guys were meant to be then she will contact you and realize what she is missing.. You should go out and experiment with other girls now,now that your no longer tied down... Get laid that def helped take my mind off her... Good Luck

Bro, just the thought of her F'ING someone else makes my blood boil... is your girl seeing someone else, or is she single? After 2 months I'm sure she is missing u. do you think she will contact you soon? Its only a month I'm going through this crap, and mine is seeing someone else, and I'm pretty sure she started to see him when she was still with me, and F'ING me. MY BLOOD IS IN CONSTANT BOIL.

Yea a week before we broke up she was acting all weird... kind of pushing me away, didn't want to hang out and one day I caught her in a lie... found out some guy from her work called her at 2 am... after confronting her she told me she wanted a break... so we broke up cause I couldn't take it... found out the b#@ch had been talking with this 31 year old guy who works at the daycare with her and has a kid and she's 22... un f'in believeable... Till this day there still talking... Do I want to kick his ***?? OF course... I would love to just go to her work and beat the living sh#t oout of him... but when I think about it.. its not his fault... I still can't believe how she can just go jump out of a 3 and a half year relationship to having one with some old guy.. I guess that's life... F' her Now I'm moving onto bigger and better things... You should do the same... There not worth it

Seriously man... they're really not worth it... find someone who wants to be with you, it'll be good for you and get your mind off her

Bro, I caught mine just before xmas with the guy she is with now, who's to say from when she was 2 timeing. 2 maybe 3 months ago, and the B#ITCH was still F#CKING me till the end. WHAT THE F#UUUUUUCK!!

Dude's one thing you need to learn from this is it's HOW you make the women FEEL!. you guys did something to push them away to another man's arms. Were guys getting all needy and clingy - calling them 5 times a day?

Women need space - especially as they get older.



Matt - you seem real insecure and jealous - not good. Women HATE that. Hate it!! I am sure you've been a massive NUT BAG in her eyes the last few months - you seem like a HUGE possesive guy - you don't own this women - she is only a SMALL PART OF YOUR LIFE, NOT YOUR LIFE. Until you figure out women are only a small part of your life you will never get it.

You need other things in your in your life. Grow. Be a man. WOmen want confident, independent, NON-needy, NON-jealous, FUNNY - men.

She left you because of you... not her.

I'd leave this gal alone and work on yourself. Youn need to make a lot of changes in your life - workout, hanf with frineds, new hobbies, work harder at work.

I have a feeling you are about to stalker... don't for it. Give her 3 months and then maybe ask her for coffee.

Matt - you don't need this gal if she was two timing.

Dude, I'm leaving her alone. After 3 months I call and ask for coffee, u say she will feel differently and want to come back?

I am NOT promising you anything. BUT, right now there is NOTHING you can do. Nothing. She might come back to IF you leave her alone.

I don't know all the details in your relationship... it's sounds like you got jealous, possesive, needy. Not good.

Generally you will not get back together if there was cheating, abuse, lying. But, Dude, IF she wqas cheating on you - do you really want this gal back? Can you ever trust her again?

It sounds like, for some reason, she lost totally respect for you - you can't trust her.

You did something to push her away... figure out how you changed. I thnk you became too possesive of her.

Work on yourself the next 3 months - get to gym and workout.

Dude, I did push her away and to someone else, that's y I feel like ****. But your right I was clingy and needy. But now being away from her and talking to you guys I know that I was like that and I shouldn't have... how she going to know that I have realized my mistakes, but leaving her alone? I want her back, I still love her, but because of how we were before this ****. My feelings are clouding my judgment. So if this is my fault, then there is nuthing wrong in wanting her back regardles of what she has done. I really want her to come back. I can't help it right now

I kind of knew that - women RUN from clingy-needy-possesive - they hate it.

Going forward

YOU CAN NEVER show her a higher interest level than she shows in you. IF you feel your interest level is too high - PULL BACK.

I advise NOT eve ncalling a gal ever yday... don't do it. I bet you called her 5 times a day and you became annoying to her. No question about it.

They ONLY way you can show you've changed is is to leave her alone. Let her do her thing. Give her space... because she doesn't want to be with you now.

YOU NEED TIME AWAY FROM HER AS WELL TO GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT!!

Bro when your right your F#UCKIN RIGHT! U know your stuff. I'm starting to get it now and realizing she's usless and worth nuthing. Piece of garbage for doing what she did to me and f#uck me over like this. But at least I walk away with my head high after I stepped up and told her I'm gone and that its gameover for her. Thanks for support bro.

The cheating thing, and she she was cheating from what you've told me - really bothers me. Once a cheater - always a cheater - you'd really have to figure out why she was cheating. Because most likely she WILL cheat again.

Once a cheater. Always a cheater. They are PROGRAMMED that way usually because of a traumatic experience as a child - parents divorce - abusive father.

Let me guess? Her parents were divorced or her parents were abusive??

I have never known - and studied this a lot - for a cheater to stop. Unfortunately, women like that need attention from a lot of guys.

bro, I don't know for sure she was cheating, but all the signs show it. I caught her with this guy driving her home in an eclisps. She would get strange phone calls when I would bring her home late at night. I found her lying to her parents about us being together. I found her sneeking around in the washroom with her cell phone, and when I busted her she definitely showed that she was doing something she wasn't suppose to, like she got caught. And the fact that she she was slowly pushing me away, not seeing each other that much, getting mad at me for calling her to wish her goodnite. She was just acting way not herself. And then the "break" thing happened... then on vday I saw the same car same guy drop her off at her house and she walked out with flowers. So its not coincidence that it was someone else's eclipse other than last time. Same car = same guy!! So she was cheating in my eyes... neways to answer your question, her parents treat her like SH#IT. They have no respect within the familly. Their always fighting and yelling at each other. They treat her brother like a king and her like a failure. Definitely favoritism here. I even had a scrap with her mom in October when they started to disrespect me and get in our business and also that after all this time together that they always put her down and don't show her respect.apparently she had a tramatic child hood, like no friedns they would make fun or her stuff like that because she was tall and skinny and ugly duckling. Then when puberty hit, she turned into a F#UCKING knock out. Apparently, her last boyfriend treated her like ****, and cheated on her with her best friend. So you, I knew she had lots of baggage but what can I say, I fell for her hard. So I don't know if all these things woud explain her actions, or if she lied from the start that maybe it was HER that cheated on the guy instead of the other way around. All I know is I did a lot for her and was good to her, however I have done my share of being bad to her as well. Around the end of November I started to be a bastard to her and yell at her and get pissed off at things she would do. But she gave me reasons to, I couldn't just let her walk on me. I would freak out on her stupideties and her disrespect because I knew she was doing them on purpose so that made me even more angry at her because she would do them over and over again and I let it get to far. BUT, its 50/50 in a relationship. She gave me reasons to be a jerk. I broke up with her like 2 times around xmas time after I caught her with the guy she is with now, because I was FED UP of her constant bull****# and GAMES. Same car=same guy!! So I know now for sure she was 2 timing. I don't know y I took her back. I was love sick and an idiot. I should have trusted my instincts, but she still held her ground and TOTALLY DENYED EVERYTHING although I kwew she was lying. Its probably around that time that she started to see the other guy because she started to act weird, lie and just plain not being herself its like she was possesed and not the same girl I loved. Even yesterday when I called and told her IM GONE GAME OVER, she still denied everything and was trying to hold on. I still can't get over the fact that she was crying and emotionall and telling me not to leave her and all that blah blah blah. Even called me back 5 times. Who knows what's going on in her head. She obviously has major issues inside. I'm starting to wonder that our whole 1.5 yrs was just a charade and an act. Thinking of all these things sure makes it seem that way. Anyway, so that's most of it. But how am I suppose to find out y she cheated and seeing another guy now? U said to leave her alone

That's what I thought.

See - women in bad up-brings tend to cheat...

Unfortunately, AND I prove it every day here... once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. They are programmed with this way.

PLUS - the total jerk she dated before you I AM SURE MESSED HER BIG TIME - PROBABLY FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

Matt - you seem like you have the potential to be a good guy. My strong advice is to forget this gal. She would need years of therapy to get better - hopefully she is in it now. That's no way to be treated by her family at all. There nothing you can do to help her.

You will find a great gal... probably just not today. I'd work on Matt for now - improve yourself - workout - work hard at work - work hard at school if you're in school - hang with your family - it's really important - hang with your friends - work on hobbies.

Women are PART of your life - never your life. You end up like this when you put too much importance in them.

BTW - women like this will lie,cheat, and still... and tell you they never did.

She may grow up one day - just not today.

I totally agree. My familly treated her more lovingly than her own. One thing I've always though of and corect me if I'm wrong but, as soon as I found out that the other guy cheated on her and she was extremely hurt by it, while being with her I always had the fear that deep down she would want to get revenge for what that guy did to her no matter who she would do it to. And I guess she did it to me. You think that's a fair to say?

WILDCAT21... u seem to know a lot about this BS, and I just wanted to know your thoughts and ask if it was a smart move by calling her yesterday and tell her I decided in leaving her and this "break" thing is over and we are over and that her little game is now game over. Ciao have a nice life. It made me feel good, but you think it did anything to her?

No - I would not have called her. But hopefully you gave it some closure for yourself.

Truthfully, women like this take years to grow up.

I doubt it did much to her right now. She thinks/knows you will come crawling back... that's why you have to stop ALL contact for like 3 months on this one.

You need to become a challenege again for this gal. She wants a challenge - always... that's what the new guy provides - she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly.

"while being with her i always had the fear that deep down she would want to get revenge for what that guy did to her no matter who she would do it to."

Great read there - absoltely... 1000% - women like this will do that.

WILDCAT21: "she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly."... how quickly?

"she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly."..........how quickly??
Stop thinking about it my friend. Let it go...

"she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly."... how quickly?

I wouldn't worry about it... she doesn't have feelings for you now. You need to get this out of your head. She Won't come flying back to your arms - trust me.

You LOWERED her interest level the last few months - it's VERY, VERY hard to increase interest level. Being all needy and clingy and possesive lowers her interest level.

TIME is the only thing you can use... slowly she MAY remember the good times... but it won't be tomrrow.

DATE OTHER WOMEN.

DATE OTHER WOMEN.

Matt please listen your being given really good advice, you need to get this girl out of your head, and as we said before we all understand its hard but you need to move on and deal with your life... Get out have some fun! Start living yourlife, not living in a shadow.

Please examine all these answers to your questions and be honest Are you a little needy? Instead of continuing on this pity pot would you not be better served to move on and don't you feel you've had plenty of time to stop whining over a female and just get on with your life?

HI,
I do agree with moving on with your life.
The more time you spend on this, wondering what your ex is doing, etc, etc, the less time you are actually talking with new girls.
Listening to a new girl can make friends much faster than talking about yourself. That is just a good tip to follow.
Listening will win you more friends in a month or so than talking about yourself, and will take much more time in finding someone who wants to listen to you.
Stop worrying, and don't be concerned about your ex. It doesn't matter what she does. YOU are the only one who matters. Take control of you life, and you will meet that one girl, eventually, who is right for you. Best of luck.

I agree, let her go. Does it really matter if she's cheating on you or not? She's acting like a total f***in baby! She wants space! No she's either cheating on you or trying to see how long you will stay. You try to break up and she all she says is no that's not what I want! "Absence makes the heart grow stronger" I'm in the Air Force and sometimes have to leave for a while. I miss my boyfriend every day that I am gone and physically ache without him. Let her go! If she really loves you she will come back. Don't be rude about though, be very strong. Say something like, "I love you and want you to come back so I can help u." I f she says no say. "I'm sorry that you have these problems but when you don't allow me to help I feel physically and emotionally weighed down." Your problems are affecting my life and I can't hold this weight anymore. Why don't you call me when you have this figured out and maybe we can go get a drink and talk, but not until you work your stuff out." Be strong, don't be a crying wimp when you talk to her! But don't be rude, or raise your voice. If she physically hurts w/out u she will come back.

Gig - that's really not good advice at all. Sharing his feeling now will just push her away. That might work in the movies... but not in real life.

Matt - I was thinking about your situation again...

You do understand that YOU pushed her away. I am sure over the last 6 months, mayeb you changed - the needed, clingy, possesive we talked about - see WHEN you act insecure like that - you CHANGE HER feelings... when needed those care free , sexy, confidence, teasing, FUN things a guy can give her...

This new guy gives this to her. Right now she remember the bad stuff from the last 6 months.

One thing YOU HAVE TO TAKE FROM THIS is... QUIT LETTING ALL THESE LITTLE THNGS BOTHER YOU!!

Around women you need to be the fun - non-carrying guy.

bro, just the thought of her F'ING someone else makes my blood boil...... is ur girl seeing someone else, or is she single? after 2 months im sure she is missing u. do u think she will contact u soon? its only a month im going thru this crap, and mine is seeing someone else, and im pretty sure she started to see him when she was still with me, and F'ING me. MY BLOOD IS IN CONSTANT BOIL.
My friend, you need to stop thinking about another man with your exgf. I know it is tough but you have to talk/see other women. And just forget her asap. The less you know what is going on with her the better for you. A lot of women make up the rules. Does not mean you have to follow or agree with. You have you own opinion. So, stop thinking about it. Find something else to do. Geez there are lots of women out there to have fun with. Go get/find her!

I wouldn't listen to anyone in here. Do what you feel is right. Nobody is in your shoes but you. Do what you want! Just know that everything will eventually work itself out. The question is when and that's between you and your girl. Even if people in here have been where you are, they actually haven't because THEY R NOT U!!

I wouldn't listen to anyone in here. Do what you feel is right. Nobody is in your shoes but you. Do what you want! Just know that everything will eventually work itself out. The question is when and that's between u and your girl. Even if people in here have been where u r, they actually haven't because THEY R NOT U!!!!!
Hi gidgit75, and welcome to the forum. I agree with you here. True, we all don't know the total deal unless we talk to both people involved. So, you may not want to listen to anyone here. But, please cont to give us your opinion. Thanks and have fun...

We spoke yesterday. I got drunk and smoked up and was downing hard I did something STUPID and I called her cell like at 4 in the morning, I didn't know what I was doing. Anyway, she called me like at 1030 the next morning. I had no idea it was her because I was on the other line. So she asked what was wrong if something happened for me to have called at an odd time. I told her I was in an accident and I called her like that. I couldn't tell her I smoked up and was drunk. I just couldn't. Anyway, she was like crap I had a feeling when I went to bed something was wrong. I've been thinking of you lately and I miss u. we talked about the fake accident and she was crying and like omg I could have lost you and all that crap. Anyway, she pops out by saying I'm so sorry for being mean to you and a bi#tch. She's like I want you to know that I love you so much and I always will. I was like why u saying that now, its been like 1.5 months you don't say anything like this. She was like well I really do and I want you to know. She asked if I loved her because what if she wants me back that she needs to know. I totally tried to avoid it. She knows how I feel so I didn't really have to say it , although during the conversation I probably did. During the conversation I tried to let her go and hang up but she was crying and didn't want to. We ended it that we both still love each other and she's like I'm not ready I need a little time to get something's straightend out(not in so many words). I know she is seeing someone else because I saw it with my own eyes, so is traight out lying about not being with anyone.might be the ex.. who knows, possibly everything with her is a lye. I don't know anymore honestly. This girl is either really messed up in her head, or she really is playing some F'ed up game.

Dude - Sorry to she's playing you. It is a game, sorry to say. Stringing you along. Are you with her? No.

Fu#ck Seriously. FU#CKIN Girls.

Matt - I just believe - this particular gal is not good for you. Lots of great ones out there.

And what's up the boozing and smoke? Is this a problem? It can REALLY screw up your judgement.

No, not a problem at all. I was just out and things happened. I was probably more into it because of all this crap. And yes it did provide me with poor judgment. I called her because I was messed up. Lol and look what happened. She strung me back, after I told her have a nice life. Damn it! I just don't get why she would go through all this trouble to string me. Like I've been through it before, but just not this damn bad. Its like she's going out of her way to make sure I'm strung, like she's desperate to hold onto me.

She wants you to want her... She doesn't want to feel rejected but, at the same time, she doesn't want you...

I agree with everyone else. She doesn't seem like a good girl for you. You should move on and find someone else.

Matt - I was thinking about your situation again....

You do understand that YOU pushed her away. I am sure overthe last 6 months, mayeb you changed - the needed, clingy, possesive we talked about - see WHEN you act insecure like that - you CHANGE HER feelings....when needed those care free , sexy, confidence, teasing, FUN things a guy can give her......

This new guy gives this to her. Right now she remember the bad stuff from the last 6 months.

One thing YOU HAVE TO TAKE FROM THIS is..............QUIT LETTING ALL THESE LITTLE THNGS BOTHER YOU!!!!!

Around women you need to be the fun - non-carrying guy.

Dear Mattvit: I have to agree with Wildcat - you are not ready for any relationship due to feeling too sorry for yourself at the moment and venting your anger. Check yourself out by living with yourself and reflecting on some of the things you might have done wrong - it's possible - since nobody is 100 percent perfect. Until you can learn "How to be Your Own Best Friend" (a real old book) don't expect others to like you or the way you act. Currently you are on the defensive side and want to blame everyone else for your failures - that's not fair to you or anyone else right now. The world is not getting any easier and unless you learn how to be strong and handle rejection like the rest of us, you will continue to fail no matter with whom you start a relationship. Sorry, but that's the straight hard fact. Drinking and smoking will not help you get better either - they only make things worse - I know that from personal experience.

Until you can learn to leave the past in the past and not compare others and look forward in life, leave women alone for now and work on yourself. Once you have grown up and straightened out you will have something to offer and will deserve to receive being treated better. We all go through trials and tribulations and it's on us to learn from them or go down so far to never be able to get up and trust others.

YES, life Sucks! But you and only you can do something to change your life to make it better.

gidgit75 bluntly said not to listen to anyone here - then what is this forum for?? You can glean from our experience and advice, but what you do with it is your choice - that's what we are here for - to give our few cents worth and food for thought to help.

But in the end, it's up to you. So take a good look at yourself, see the pros and cons and what you have to offer and benefit from.

So, now stop feeling sorry for yourself, don't blame others, and get out there and start a new chapter in your life.

Lots of luck and keep us posted. We are here for you if you need us but we can't magically change things for you - that's your job.


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We all go through crap, it's up to us how to get out of it.

Matt - please listen to Chery - she knows what she is tallking about and only has your best interest.

I agree, from experience, alcolhol and drugs will make things only 10 times worse.

And Gidgit - this isn't a movie - this is the real world. Things don't work that way in real life. It's not that easy.

Hey, its 1.5 months I'm in this crap and I've taken everyone's advise. But yet its still hard for me. Like I talk with other girls and keep myself busy again like workingout, school, playing music, talking and hanging out with friends... but I still find myself thinking of the ex and the stuff we did together and I miss it. She was my first serious girlfriend and experienced everything together first time around and its really hard on me still. I find that keeping myself busy is like a cover up for what I'm feeling. How do I deal with the feelings/love I still have? Anything else I should be doing?

Trust me dude - there will be many more gals. You WILL laugh at this one day and realize there are better women for you. 1 1/2 months isn't a enough time usually to get over a gal.

A new one WILL pop into your life and change every thing - just don't make her so important early on. Ok?

This girl was for fing hooooottttt!! That's probably why its hard for me, because my friends told me bro, if this girl was regular you woulnd be freaking out like this. And I'm sure their right.. . but, I will definitely not make the next girls important as I did with this one. I really pushed it. I was involved in every aspect of her life and helped her with everything. Obviously I shouldn't have, but these girls man they don't appreciate anything, after all the trouble I helped her get out of and get her life on track, she does this crap.totally heartless!! I'm never trusting anyone again

There will be other girls, you will get over her. I've been seeing this other girl for a couple weeks now. Its nothing serious although I think id like it to be. The key is not to make her too important. I don't talk to this girl everyday and I'm fine with that. In fact, she's usually the one contacting me or asking me to call her. And you know what, each day I think less and less about my ex. I'm not at that point yet where I can laugh about it because ill tell you the truth, it still hurts a little. I do still have feelings for my ex a little bit but I have no desire to get back with her, even if she came to me right now and promised to do anything to take it all back. My point is that you need to meet other girls and learn a lot from this experience. Don't regret it because there is so much you can learn from it that will help you out in future relationships. But don't let her drag you along either. I never though id get to the other side but trust me you will, took me three months. It just takes time. In the meantime, go out and meet new people. You'll be kicking yourself in the *** if you don't, trust me

these girls man they dont appreciate anything, after all the trouble i helped her get out of and get her life on track, she does this crap.totally heartless!!! im never trusting anyone again

Wrong! These girls don't appreciate it... Wrong! These girls do appriciate it. But, your delivery was way off my friend. This girl can be with any man. You just was not that man. Bs, "after all the trouble i helped her get out of" whatever dude. This was your decision you did it you wanted to help. So get off you sorry a$$ soap box and quit complaining. Geez take responsibility for what you did. Not what she did to you. If she did stupid stuff to you... you should have broke it off. Da. So, either be the man... or let it go and move on. Can you handle her... apparently not. So, some other man will. Try not to think about it. Find another sweetie and be the man she needs in her life. Don't be the mechanic, builder, fix it guy. Just be her man. Give her what she wants and needs. And if you don't know what that is, then figure it out. Good luck my friend.

So, she contacted me lastnite wanting me back. She was seeing another guy and couldn't keep it from me anymore and she wants me in her life again, misses what we had and can't go on being a horible person and wants to try to be together again..?

Was that a serious post. If its true, awesome for you guy. And on the flip side. There is nothing you can do to make it hurt less. My girlfriend moved out 5 days ago after 4 years. It just hurts, like someone punching you in the stomach.

But I really did feel better after a Powerman 500 concert and a trip to a college bar. Good times CAN make the pain go away for a little while. But you will know when you will feel better, and it will probably be after you meet someone that you connect with. That is the hardest thing for me personally to imagine.

JC

Matt - she has A LOT OF EXPALINING TO DO!! Don't take her back that easily - be a man about it. You guys actually have a lot of fixing to do - figure out WHY she left in the first place.

All I can say is - and its always true - once a cheater - always a cheater. Can you EVER really trust her fully again?? Hue answer you need.

ASK HER WHY she ended up with this guy?? Becase, quite frankly, as we have discussed before... she'll do it again.

And I don't want to see you go through this again.

Also -you don't trust her - and she didn't respect you enough to run off with another guy.

A guy, of course, who after a couple months, was no fun to her anymore.

She was seeing him for 1.5 months casually. And then she said after I broke up with her she fooled around with him but didn't sleep with him. She said she couldn't take what she was doing anymore and that she knew she was doing was wrong and had to put and end to the games and lies. She said that she missed me and that no one will ever be able to replace me and that she wants me back. I don't trust her and I told her that. She told me she did what she did because her feelings changed for me and its for all the reasons you guys told me. That I wasn't the guy that I was at the beginning and things got to comfortable and a bit boring. Anyway, I didn't take her back. I'm talking to her and getting all the info that I need and figuring stuff out.

You've come a long way through hell. You now have the power to decide what it is you really want and need to do for yourself. Take all the time you need since you are the one who got the boot planted 10 inches up your butt,so make sure you got it out and your butt is healed before you make any decisions. Remenberr she still has another boot.Take your time,this time and think before you act.:cool:

Two things:

1. Remember to be the guy she liked... that's probably the real you. Be the fun guy. Make fun of her.

2. Take your time. Talk it out with her. She has a lot of expalining to do.

Lets hope to hell she's telling the truth here.

From what you've described, it does sound as if she has emotional problems that will probably require psychiatric intervention for her to deal with them. It doesn't sound like she's able to cope in a relationship right now. You can encourage her to get the help she needs but ultimately that will have to be her decision. I know it'll be hard but now you've got to pick up and get on with your life, without her for right now. Maybe eventually the two of you will get back together again but for now you've got to go on and make your plans according to what's best for you without worrying about her.

so, she contacted me lastnite wanting me back. she was seeing another guy and couldnt keep it from me anymore and she wants me in her life again, misses what we had and can't go on being a horible person and wants to try to be together again...............?????????????????????????????? ????????????
Does the words yo-yo mean anything to you?. lets see... she left you and she was with another guy... hum... meaning: she did not want to be with you so she wanted to see another guy(s). So, if she wanted you she would not leave you. Right? But she did leave. Thus, she did not want to be with you. Get it? Now she has nobody but you. Do you want to be the second choice in her life. She will leave again. Are you sure you can handle the rejection a second time? You have to know what type of a person you are and can you handle her. Can you be happy when she is in your life and/or gone again? If you decide to get back together I would go slow with a relationship. Do not put yourself in a situation that may destroy you. So, take a step back. Look at what you had and what you will have if you're together. Just have fun and go out once in a while. Don't push it. Even if she pushes don't do it. If she leaves because you did not push hard enough its because she was using you. If she agrees to go slow then she cares enough. LMF (later my friend).

Guys, she never broke up with the other guy before she contacted me. This was all a hox...

Guys, girl is so --- in the head. I know 120% she has problems. Because, she calls me before saying, to leave her alone not to call her all that BS, she doesn't have feelings for me that she wasn't thinking. I was like what the heck. This girl is CRACKED HARD. I told her listen you u need serious help because your really --- in the head. All this --- uve been doing makes no --- sense, and your giving me lies and bull and crazyness. She's like no I'm fine I know what I'm thinking, I said listen what's going on in your head may be fine to you in your own head, but in the rest of the world we live in your way off and messed up. Anyway, she was saying all kinds of crap that was strange. I know I should have just said bye like after 2 seconds she started to talk, but I wanted to see what she was saying. Anyway, I told her she's cracked and that she needs help. I slipped in a few ashole coments because at that point I was fed up, everything that was going on was just bull on top of bull. I asked her how the hell can she even look at herself in the mirror after all this... no respons... I said if I were you ide barf on myself after looking into the mirror knowing all this crap you did... guys, I know I'm at fault for letting this --- drag on like this, but at that point I was like screw this, wtv I said she deserved it. I don't care that I was no better than her and just as low as her for saying all these bad things. It felt good. I told her she's garbage, and after no response, I hung up. She called back, saying why did you hang up on me, I said because there isn't anything to say and since your garbage your not worth any of my time. I said, now U start leaving ME alone. And piece of advice, go get some help because your really cracked in the head, all you are is garbage and its meant to be thrown away. So have a nice life, that's even if your able to... CIAO!. neways I don't give a crap. I lost it, but I don't care. Everything happends for a reason so --- this.

Guys, wtv you guys have been saying, I'm sorry to say but I think with this girl it doesn't apply. She's messed up in the head and that's the problem. I know I'm --- a little too, but can you balme me. I just had enough of this and lost it. I'm sorry I've wasted all of your time on this garbage.

Hi,
Living life is wonderful. There are ups and downs. The most important thing in life is to come to know what is a "down", what is the problem, and what to do about it. If there isn't anything that can be done about it, then one tries to forget it and move on.
You have to move on. You will be doing yourself more harm the longer you hang onto something that isn't going to be. I know it's hard... been there... done that myself.
Getting over a relationship takes time; about a year in some cases. So, I do wish you the very best, and hang in there; talking with new girls. Listen to them. You can make more friends by listening to others, than by having them listen to you.

Hox?

Matt - you been boozing?

Hox... meaning that wtv was happening was just another deception or a seriously twisted game due to her being mentaly unstable. She has massive psycological problems.

As in "hoax".. . Like Wildcat said, you do look a bit drunk in your last message...

I think you need to forget this girl.. it doesn't seem like a healthy situation!

I wasn't drunk, just dumbfounded at what had happened and her crazyness... the situation with all the BS I've been subjecting myself through. This girl has mental problems and I've been allowing myself to be affected by it and let it cause me problems and head aches for what... a ? I'm going to F'up my life for a GIRL, one who has issues and psycologial problems?.

Hey look your girlfeind sounds like she is going through the same thing as me at the moment, one question... does she work?, another question is she under 18? Because I know I hate my older boyfriend going out to bars and stuff and yer you can do what you want but you need to consider what she feels too, and it is great that you are supportive of her, I personally am going through a hard stage with my boyfriend I don't know why or what is going on, I love him but I hate the way he is, and I do lose it, she does sound like she is going through a break down, you need to get her to see a docter asap, and go with her because sometimes it hard to talk to a starnger without someone you love with you, she mayb needs to be treated for depression, sometimes with some people depression tablets will help you in a short time and through this you will just have to supprt this if you really love her just remember it is really hard for her because she is confused, and if she is cryinng for no reason she will realise this and it will make her cry more often because she doesn't know what is going on, this is were you step in, she needss you

Samjg: please read all the posts so you are up to date with this situation. There is a lot more to my situation than my original post that u really need to read... TO SUM IT UP, SHE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE AND WAS CHEATING.

hey look your girlfeind sounds like she is going thru the exact same thing as me at the moment, one question...does she work??,,,, another question is she under 18? becuz i know i hate my older bf going out to bars n stuff and yer you can do what you want but you need to consider what she feels too, and it is great that you are supportive of her, i personally am going thru a hard stage with my bf i dont know why or what is going on, i love him but i hate the way he is, n i do lose it, she does sound like she is going thru a break down, you need to get her to see a docter asap, n go with her because sometimes it hard to talk to a starnger without someone you love with you, she mayb needs to be treated for depression, sometimes with some ppl depression tablets will help u in a short time n thru this you will just have to supprt this if you really love her just remember it is really hard for her becuz she is confused, and if she is cryinng for no reason she will realise this n it will make her cry more often because she doesnt know what is going on, this is were you step in, she needss you

Dear samjg, don't take mattvit's comment too hard. He's gone through a lot, and yes, almost like you, but not exactly. What you just advised to him is what you should do to yourself - find that someone that will support and comfort you instead the jerk you wrote about in the other post. Talk to people, and see new ones, get out of your depression and gain your self-respect back. Wishing you lots of luck, Chery

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Matt - you've gone through the whole catalog of crap any one person can handle. I've noticed that you've slipped a little in your own mind - I mean you are probably hitting the bottle more often, feeling continuously sorry for yourself, and still not letting go... You need to let go, and stop receiving calls or any other communication from this gal.

Please be kinder to yourself - and start living life as you should, by having fun, enjoying other things and people, and looking forward to your future. Right now you don't sound like you are going anywhere else - you're just staying in one place and circling - dwelling on something that you will never trust anyway, so STOP, look, and find a new direction in life.

Some things in life will always disappoint us, no matter how, or where, but we have to be collected and strong enough to handle it, or we wind up dropping into a hole that will be very hard to get out of without professional help. Listen to 'MoM', hon, and do something about your state of mind - go off on a weekend to another city, enjoy a new surrounding and just distance your mind from all this baggage your are still holding on to. Throw that trash away, and clean up your act, dear - I'm worried about you. I will be away in hospital for four weeks, and when I come back, I want to hear a better state of mind from Matt - hear me!! You know that we are here for you, but the rest you've got to do yourself - so get started. It's never too late to start anew - it's a survival instinct - so let it kick in as soon as possible.

Hoping to hear better news from you when I get back, Love, Chery

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) Stop being sad, get mad, and change some things in your life - you need it to survive!

Samjg: please read all the posts so u r up to date with this situation. there is a lot more to my situation than my origional post that u really need to read.......... TO SUM IT UP, SHE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE AND WAS CHEATING.


I'm sory I did not realise I'm only new remember :) goodluck

im sory i did not realise im only new remeber :) goodluck Don't worry dear, we don't bring out the whips and chains for little mistakes - we save those for the real jerks. You meant well, and we know it.

Take care, and stay with us, you'll get to know us all real well and be comfortable with us.
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Don't worry dear, we don't bring out the whips and chains for little mistakes - we save those for the real jerks. You meant well, and we know it.

Take care, and stay with us, you'll get to know us all real well and be comfortable with us.
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Thank you! Yes hopefully I will get to know everyone real well every since I found this site I have been on hear constantly I love it :)

Do not answer your phone at all if it is her don't call her don't talk to her it is for the best date other people it is better that way

do not answer your phone at all if it is her dont call her dont talk to her it is for the best date other people it is better that way



kandy... do you ever have anything positive to say?

Guys, I still find myself going through ups and downs about this girl. I know she's garbage for what she did, but lately our memeries has been on my mind a lot and I find myself missing them and thinking about her a lot. I shouldn't be, but I still am. I stay busy, live my life, but its still not enough. My mind still races and thinks about everything and it makes me pull back in, instead of letting go. What can I do more?

Babe, we all have our memories, most of them fond, some of them crappy and we go through a mourning period when we have a loss. That's what makes us human.
Memories are there to teach us and help us develop into more mature beings - at least that's what the books say.
I still remember my first boyfriend, my ex-husband, and all the others, and they are too many to count at my age - and each of them has left some part of them ingrained in my heart and soul.
We have to take these, just like papers in a filing cabinet and sort them out and then prioritize their value to be able to advance in our lives.
I just recently got a message from a friend about life and it's expectancies which I will now share with you. This just proved to me that we are all still looking for that little bit of happiness and/or bliss - which we all deserve - but I also know that looking in the wrong places and dwelling on the past don't help in advancement of the spirit. So, take the below message as is and try to make something out of it for yourself. It certainly leaves a message for all of us.
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Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2006 08:21:37 -0500
THE WHOLE TEXT IS TOO LONG TO TYPE HERE, SO I'M INCLUDING IN AS AN ATTACHMENT - PLESE READ IT.

Lots of love and well wishes to you Matt.

Love, Chery

I know, but like why can't I focus on all the bad instead of the good. Like after what she did, I shouldn't even have any thoughts she shouldn't even exist to me and be wasting my time thinking of her. But I just keep overlooking all the bad and the crap and dwelling on all the good times. I mean she cheated and lied and deceived me, yet I don't let go or let that allow me to forget her?? Y is that

OK I'm sorry for wgat my twin said but hey I will have too say I hope you can move on and find someone who will be good to you you sound like you give this girl the world so I hope you can find someone to do the same for you

If you have been following my story, this is what's new... so after 2.5 months, my ex comes on msn lastnite, but did not write to me nor me to her. I found it odd since she hasn't been on for a really long time. Today at lunch she coems on again and writes to me. Long story short, she miss me and wanted to talk to me, she still loves me and cares for me, she crys all the time about me and is always sad thinks of me all the time... YET she has a BF, the guy she cheated on me with... and also, last time we spoke she said she had no feelings for me to leave her alone she wants nuthing to do with me. What the heck is wrong with her??

She sounds nuts.

Stay away from here. Move on.

You will only get hurt again.

~Just my 2 cents~

She sounds nuts.

Stay away from here. Move on.

You will only get hurt again.

~Just my 2 cents~


Psycologicly/mentally unstable for sure. As for getting hurt, I've been hurt so much I don't feel anything anymore. If I can get some fun again out of it, that's all I'm looking for

Let her cry and feed someone else lines.

Tell her too bad. Don't give in.

She cheated. She's acting irrational.

Unless you're into that, better to just keep driving the car PAST the train wreck.

Hi, Matt,
From your last post, "getting fun out of it", may I offer a suggestion?
The more games we play, the more we get involved in making them up. If we become honest, caring, and wishing to have a good relationship built on those things, it will happen! I'm not saying it will happen with your ex, but it will happen eventually.
Meeting new girls with a SMILE, talking with them about Them, will make new friends in no time. Talking about ourselves with girls really turns them off to a certain extent.
I was divorced after my first 7 yrs of marriage, learned a lot, and in 3 years remarried; now for 29 years. Compromise is the key word that keeps us going, with love and honesty between each other.

You guys all know my story by now so... neway, all week my ex has been coming on msn to chat with me after like 3 months she's not on. She has talked to me on mon, wed, and today on msn. Wed she came on like 5 times, but I wanst there and she kept writing to me... also, I've been getting private # calls on my cell like 2 times a day everyday this week. I called my service provider and asked them to tell me who was calling, and guess what it was HER. I don't know what's going on. For sure she's playing games or trying to mess with me. But if uve been following my story with this nut job, ude know that this is way getting stranger and stranger... she apparently still has feelings for me still and cares for me, but I can't believe a word she says... she's with a guy, the guy she cheated on me with... messed up man... she's very persistent... is she's looking for attention? Working her way back? Just F'ING with me?. seriously what the hell is going on?

Don't know what else you want to hear, man, that you haven't already heard.

Stand your ground. Ignore her if you need to. Tell her over and over its done and gone. Its not easy. Sucks to be you. But no one else is going to do this for you. And it might get messier before it gets better.

My wife had a nutjob ex that ended up getting fired because he was harassing her using his cell that was a work phone. His crap went on for something like 1.5 years... calls in the middle of the night. A few drive bys (as in just driving by her out of the way, in a different town, house).

Eventually it tapered off. And it ended after the last time he called and I told him he was at risk of losing another job, cause it was all getting documented.

So... sorry to hear this news. Hopefully this cleanses you of any "she's hot and i kinda miss her" feelings you were having before. No fun... you just got to practice saying no. and go away. Sucks, I know.

I really can't tell you for sure what's going on but you sound like you don't trust her, whatever she may be up to. That said, if her contacting you makes you feel uncomfortable, then tell her to stop ; you have every right to do that. From the sound of your post I really don't think she's on the up-and-up if she is in fact still with the guy that she cheated on you with so I wouldn't regard her attempts at contacting you as a sign of sincere interest on her part. I'm sorry if you were hoping to hear otherwise but I think you need to keep your guard up with this one.

Hi, Matt,
I think you already know the answer to this one; she doesn't know what she is doing!
I would leave her alone.
If worse comes to worse, you could go to your local Magistrate, if you have one, or the local courthouse, to the Court Clerk's Office, and ask how to take out a "peace bond" or "restraining order" against her.
This means she can't talk with you, can't call you, and can't be within, say, 300 feet of you!
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Hi, Matt,
I think you already know the answer to this one; she doesn't know what she is doing!
I would leave her alone.
If worse comes to worse, you could go to your local Magistrate, if you have one, or the local courthouse, to the Court Clerk's Office, and ask how to take out a "peace bond" or "restraining order" against her.
This means she can't talk with you, can't call you, and can't be within, say, 300 feet of you!
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Bah, I don't want to get legal about it... I honestly don't mind her right now, the more I look at what's happening, the more I die of laughter. I know its bad to say, but I actually feel a bit better to see her messed up... I don't know, I just find this really funny for some reason.

Atta boy! I have to agree, there's a sick satisfaction from knowing you're the one who's "ok" in all of this, isn't there? Hang in there, she's just proving to you now how wrong you would be together. And the strange truth is, you have had time to deal with all the relationship issues, where she hasn't - she has been too busy with someone else!
I was with a guy for three years, and two years ago he ended it. It really took a long time to get over him, but last year when I went to visit him, I was struck by how back in the past he was - confused in himself, over impulsive etc. He hadn't GROWN. It's the upside of pain - you can turn it into something constructive and become stronger for it. Good luck! You really don't need her anymore, now do you?

Hey! As a girl do you know what I think? I think she's trying to get attention for herself since it doesn't seem to shake you she's with s'meone else well I can't really say she wants you back but I'll tell you to keep your guards up and try not to notice her. I tell you sooner or later she'll be back and please don't make a mistake of taking her back and hopefully you find someone better, then she'll know what she lost.have fun.

If you hadn't had the strength to move on and gotten your head together you would not of appreciated the fact that this girl is a nut you don't need! Can't wait to see what she comes up with next! Keep us posted and keep growing!:cool:

If you hadn't had the strenght to move on and gotten your head together you would not of appreciated the fact that this girl is a nut you don't need! Can't wait to see what she comes up with next! Keep us posted and keep growing!:cool:

Well to keep you posted, today she called 4 times like within a half hour. I called her back like an hour later, and apparently she wanted to come see me before she went to school (we live 5 min apart)... neway, that's what's up so far... hows that for you?

You need to get a girl to do the voice on your voicemail and home phone.

When it gets this nuts, why not.

Buy some panties and leave a few around the house for when she comes over.

Maybe a lipstick sitting on the bathroom counter.

I know. Its wrong. But whiny, sorry ex's pi$$ me off.

Lol, I like your response kp; tried to rep you but was not allowed. I don't think any other "method" would quite get the message across, save ignoring her completely - which isn't really that easy to do since they live so close to each other.

Well, she came over today... she called me crying her eyes out about her problems and her ****ty feelings, I saw this as an opertunity since she was vulnerable, so I told her to come over since she was suppose to the other day but I didn't pick up her calls (please don't get mad at me) I really wanted to see her. Anyway, it felt weird at first, but then things just went into place like they use to. We talked, she cryed then went into our old ways of flirting, touching, then we kissed. When she had to leave she didn't want too... anyway, she called me on the way to work too. Well I guess her wanting attention is making me happy as well so its all good. I don't know what's going on from here but all worried. So, just when you guys thought you heard it all, I come along with these events... hahahah. What you think now

Matt - she had her chance and she TOTALLY blew it.

JUST ignore her... eventuially it WILL stop.

This gal is WAY too imature for any type of relationship. You know what a wack job she. If you went back to her she would just check on you and poop on you after things got comfortable.

Stop giving her any attention.

You'll find the right gal - as we have documented here, she isn't that gal.
People want what they can't have.

I don't know if any of you regulars remember me from last year but I'm back with stories of the same girl. I've learned a lot since the break up. Took all your advise, read a lot of stuff and learned about women more, but seriously I'm still confused about this one... so, it's a yr we broke up. When we broke up, I found out she was seeing someone else. But I still find myself thinking of her a lot and still have feelings after all this time and the crap she did to me. During the past yr, we spend a lot of time together, and slept together on and off. We live really close so we would run into each other at the bus stop or metro. And since our schools are also really close it made it easy to go for lunch and stuff and hang out. She would call every day for like 2 months at a time, and then from one day to the next she would disappear. This cycle has happen 2 times already. I don't hear from her for 3 to 4 months, and then all of a sudden she pops back and calls and wants to meet up, this would go on for 2 months, and then she's goes into hiding. But before you guys start getting made at me, I wouldn't answer her calls and egnor her, but this just made her call more and be more aggressive. It got to the point she was calling 10 times a day. So after her running after me I finally give in because I still feel something for her but I don't understand her. I think its because she just wants to have sex. But I don't know, its so weird. And also during all this, she says she's not with anyone but I know this isn't true. She is still with the guy she cheated on me with. So I conclude she bounces from me and him from time to time to get her little thrills I'm assuming? Seriously what the hell

WHY on eath go through this drama??

Lose her phone #, e-mail, etc.

Get her out of your life.

Sharing a gal = STDs - and misery.

Go find a gal who wants a real relationship.

i dunno if any of you regulars remeber me from last year but im back with stories of the same girl. ive learned a lot since the break up. took all your advise, read alot of stuff and learned about women more, but seriously im still confused about this one............so, its a yr we broke up. when we broke up, i found out she was seeing someone else. but i still find myself thinking of her a lot and still have feelings after all this time and the crap she did to me. during the past yr, we spend a lot of time together, and slept together on and off. we live really close so we would run into eachother at the bus stop or metro. and since our schools are also really close it made it easy to go for lunch and stuff and hang out. she would call every day for like 2 months at a time, and then from one day to the next she would disappear. this cycle has happen 2 times already. i dont hear from her for 3 to 4 months, and then all of a sudden she pops back and calls and wants to meet up, this would go on for 2 months, and then shes goes into hiding. but b4 you guys start getting made at me, i wouldnt answer her calls and egnor her, but this just made her call more and be more agressive. it got to the point she was calling 10 times a day. so after her running after me i finally give in because i still feel something for her but i dont understand her. i think its because she just wants to have sex. but i dunno, its so weird. and also during all this, she says shes not with anyone but i know this isnt true. she is still with the guy she cheated on me with. so i conclude she bounces from me and and him from time to time to get her little thrills im assuming? seriously what the hell
Ok first of all i'm a girl and I know exactly what she's doing.She wants to be able to have her cake and eat it too.All she's doing is using you and you know she is but you still have feelings for her and don't wanna think that.She thinks that it's ok to fu*k around then go back to you.That's her idea of some twisted game she has in her head and doesn't care if it means hurting someone in the process.And now since your ignoring her it's killing her inside because she's used to you being their with a snap of her finger.Don't give in nomatter how much she calls.Just change your number I know that will not completely get rid of her but u won't get the calls 10 times a day so that would help a little.

There was a day when the girls wrote stuff complaining like this about the "romeo" and "cassanova" types. LOL I am dating myself I realise but there is a point. Now the shoe is on the other foot. What did you think of the guys who did this with the girls, Mattvit? I would advise you think the same about your female friend and take the appropriate action with that thought. This is not her doing it to you. Its YOU letting her do it to you.

Hi Matt, Yes I do remember your other post and Val is correct in that you should take back control and leave this female alone. I mean cut off all contact and make yourself unavailable. You are letting her play you like a yoyo and only you can stop it. She is a nut who thinks she can do as she pleases, and she can, but you must show her not with you!

Well said Tal. That's it!!

I'll give a bit about my past, then I'll tell about my present. I had a girl that I was totally in love w/ she had a body of a goddess, but we clashed in our views so we fought. We broke up 6 months later. Her friend told me she moved on right after we broke up, so that was that. The no contact part was easy, not on my part, but I literally had no way to contact her. Another 6 months later she pages me (this was back in 98) and said she needed me to kick some guys out of her dorm room for her. We hooked back up after that, and ended almost a yr later.

Now, I was dating a girl who was my friend for 3yrs before we started dating. Just about 2 weeks ago, after 2 yrs of dating she's asking for space. I'm 32 and she's 21. I have no choice but to give her that, and I'm pretty sure from what I can see on her social webpage that there appears to be 1 maybe a few guys she's considering. It's really hard, going from once where she told me "You're my best friend, you're the one I'm always suppose to go to" to someone saying "I'm no longer attracted to you". I know experience is the best teacher, but it's always hard. I don't know what's in store for me in the upcoming weeks, months. All I know is I have to keep working, working out, and making new friends.

I know this may be an older post and some of you folks may not be following it anymore. Im not claiming to be an expert so please take this with a grain of salt. I too am going through this right now and I was with my woman for 3 years. I think I can relate because this was my first true love and I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She completed me. I had material things and she was everything that was missing in my life. She moved out, with all of her stuff about 7 weeks ago, out of our house (which we own together) to live with her parents in Georgia and find herself, she did not say we were broken up but she said she needed time to get her life together as she had been unemployed for 6 months and was getting depressed with life in general(at least that's what she said, I find out later she was cheating). We lived in Florida. For anyone that reads this I can honestly say the NO CONTACT RULE IS A MUST!! If you want any hope of working things out. I failed in this aspect and pushed her farther away and eventually out of my life completely I found out she had been messing around with someone on Facebook (logged into her profile because she left the password on my computer) Im not proud of that but I needed closure and peace of mind. Did I cross the jealosy line? Maybe I did but I felt it needed to be done. It was hard to come to that reality and it is still hard because it has only been about 7 weeks. I do not regret what I did because in the back of my mind I was sometimes thinking the relationship would fail eventually anyway because she wasn't giving 100% She was a lazy persn but I loved her because she made me happy, or so I thought. Everything happens for a reason and I guess what I am really trying to say is that if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, BLAH BLAH BLAH... Its true though! The pain is deep and anyone on here will tell you that but it helps us to grow as individuals and find ways to improve ourselves. Life is a learning process, EVERY DAY! The way we handle ourselves todayreflects how we end up tomorrow. I thank God for all of the advice that everyone has given on here, it has definitely made my situation a little more peaceful.


People are right, don't be a stalker. Speaking from experience I can say it will fail every time! Be a man and move on. I am working on that myself and every day it gets a little easier. Time brother. It heals... What will be will be. Humans should not force anything to the extreme.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. -- John Lennon

If she wants space give her space... give her a couple of weeks.. if no contact move and tell here you are going to move on after that 2 weeks.

If you really like/loves you she will come back to you, take it slow when u get back together and try to find out what it was why she wanted the space...

Cheers
Ro