I have been on this site for only a few months, in that time I have seen numerous posts that start of like this.

Hi, I am a teenager, I had unprotected sex, could I be pregnant, what do I do?

Isn't there sex education in our schools anymore. If so, what are they teaching them, abstinence? Obviously that isn't working.

I'm here to tell all you teenagers. Stop having unprotected sex. The only form of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence (meaning don't have sex). If you have unprotected sex even once, you have a very high chance of being called Mommy in nine months.

I don't know how the rest of you feel about this, it just sickens me that there are so many young people who are potentially messing up their lives by having unprotected sex. Not to mention the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. What can we do about this growing concern.

Teens, I'd like your input to. What do you need in order for you to be prepared to make better decisions in your life.

The center of life for most people used to be the family and the church. That changed. Stores and businesses weren't open on Sundays. That changed. Most women were full-time homemakers. That changed. Most families were made up of a stable unit, father-mother-children. That changed. The American dream was a house in the suburbs, a picket fence, 2.5 children, a dog, and a two-car garage. That changed.

Since the mid-'60s, the exultant cry has been, "If it feels good, do it!" That has given people a new sense of personal freedom, but it has also caused a lot of trouble. There's been freedom but less and less responsibility. Apparently, freedom isn't free.

Sex at almost anytime and with almost anyone has been one of those new freedoms. It feels good, but too often there's a price to pay--the inconvenience of birth control, the heartbreak of STDs, the shock of an unwanted pregnancy.

If you don't want to bother with birth control, if you don't want an STD, if you don't want a baby, especially if you are 14 or 15 or even 18 (with your whole life ahead of you), don't have sex.

We can't put the toothpaste back into the tube. We can't recapture the olden days of moral virtue, as some call it. We can't restore the family to being only the father-mother-child model. We can't close businesses and stores at 6 p.m. and on Sundays. We can't put Mom back into the kitchen and tie her to the stove.

What to do, what to do to at least stop so many teenage pregnancies from happening.

Children and teens look to the media--movies and TV--for role models. Now, if only denizens of Hollywood would wake up tomorrow morning and in one breath say, "Enough!" there might be a chance of reshaping young minds. But that won't happen.

If I were Queen of American Sex Education, I would rewrite the lesson plans and textbooks. Anyone want to vote me in?

You've got my vote. I've never wanted to start a commune on a little island in the middle of no where, with no television, phones or anything as much as I do right now.

What is our future generation going to be like? You are correct, it's the whole "If it feels good do it" mind set that has gotten us in trouble. Where does it end? How many teen pregnancies and young people with Aids do we have to have before something is done about this?

Every time I see a new post from a young person asking if she is pregnant I want to scream. "If you had unprotected sex you might very well be pregnant, even if you had protected sex, nothing is 100% (besides abstinence) so guess what, you might be pregnant. And if that isn't enough, guess what, you might have contracted a deadly disease. Is that worth the few minutes of pleasure that you got out of it? I hope so, because guess what, now you have to grow up and deal with the choices that you made.

Not that it would get anyone's attention, after all, what do adults know that kids don't?

Teens think they are invincible. It's the same reason they engage in other reckless behavior like drugs, sneaking out of the house, etc. They think, "It won't happen to me" And honestly, for most it doesn't. Most teens who engage in such reckless activities escape harm and turn out a-ok in their adult life. That's not to say their activities should be condoned, but it certainly helps with your world view when you and all your friends are having sex and doing drugs and nothing bad happens.

I blame parents, by the way. It all starts at home... (in most cases, anyway)

I do blame parents to some degree, but let's face it, we've all been there and did we listen to our parents? I had wonderful parents that were open and honest with me about everything but I still ended up going along with the crowd because I didn't want to be teased or left out. Is that why so many young kids are having sex? Is it peer pressure or do they have bad parents?

I'm doing everything I can to keep the lines of communication open with my kids (9 and 5) but already the 9 year old is telling me that so and so from school said this and that and it's the truth no matter what I say and what proof I have that it's total BS. So far it's just little things but how long before he starts questioning me about sex and not believing what I tell him because his friends say different?

I certainly hope that he realizes that his mom and dad know more than any 9, 10, 11 and so on all the way to 21 and beyond knows. I've always told my kids, if you have a question then ask me, if I don't know the answer I will find it for you. If I give you an answer then it's the God's honest truth.

This whole teen pregnancy thing has me really scared. These are babies having babies, let's face it, they don't have the sense that God gave a goat and they're out there having unprotected sex hoping that lightening doesn't strike.

Well teens, if you are reading this let me tell you. Getting pregnant while having sex isn't as rare as being hit by lightening, it's about as rare as stepping on gum in the parking lot, having bird poop on a car that's parked under a tree with a nest in it, getting gas if you eat too many onions. I hope that this puts a little bit of reality into your beliefs kids, because being a mom at 14,15,16,17,18,19 isn't fun, don't play russian roulette, use birth control. PLEASE!

I'm 20 and I've been out of high school for two years now. There are sooo many girls in my high school that are either pregnant or have had children. Some of which are even pregnant with their 2nd or third.

Then you get on myspace or Facebook and you see the girls profiles. All of the girls have pictures up of their ultrasounds, their belly.. their about says: I'm so excited to be a mommy! Then everyone is leaving them comments like: wow congratulations! That's amazing!

Pregnancy appears to be glamorized by teens now a days. It's an epidemic. It's like it doesn't matter that you are 15 or 16 with no job and still in high school. It's like we've gone back into the 1800's when people got married at 15 and started having kids. I just don't get it personally.

I was raised in a house hold where my mom didn't finish college. She got pregnant with my sister at 21, got married, and had me a few years later... then got divorced. I was raised constantly being told that I have to do something with my life.. that I have to make more for myself so I can have the things I want and need in life, so I can raise a family securely, so I can pay the bills and put food on the table. I refuse to have a kid until I have a career and a husband.

I had it hard growing up and I think some of these girls didn't have it as hard. Maybe their parents didn't drill it into their head as my mom did. Then again a lot of these girls that do get pregnant didn't have things well off either.. in that case I say the same thing again.. their parents probably didn't drill it in their heads to do something with their lives besides pop out kids at such a young age.

It's really sad, but honestly I think the majority of the problem has to do with parents and how the kids raised, and another majority has to do with how they think it is cool to have a kid at such a young age.. then the rest has to do with pure carelessness.

It's so nice to hear from a young person (hope you don't mind me saying that, to me you are young) with a good head on her shoulders, oh how I wish there were more like you.

I'm 37 years old and things weren't all that different when I was in high school. Teens really didn't think that they could get pregnant, even if they didn't use birth control. In my 12th year 4 girls where pregnant in my school, we went to a Catholic school. I guess those religion classes didn't take.

What is it that teens think they are missing that they think a baby will fill. Babies aren't dolls, they don't do whatever you want just because you're the parent. It's actually kind of sad, they are probably going against their parents wishes, and yet they think that they will have the perfect child, unconditional love etc.etc. Just wait until that baby turn 15, what comes around goes around.

I have been on this site for only a few months, in that time I have seen numerous posts that start of like this.

Hi, I am a teenager, I had unprotected sex, could I be pregnant, what do I do?

Isn't there sex education in our schools anymore. If so, what are they teaching them, abstinence? Obviously that isn't working.

I'm here to tell all you teenagers. Stop having unprotected sex. The only form of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence (meaning don't have sex). If you have unprotected sex even once, you have a very high chance of being called Mommy in nine months.

I don't know how the rest of you feel about this, it just sickens me that there are so many young people who are potentially messing up their lives by having unprotected sex. Not to mention the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. What can we do about this growing concern.

Teens, I'd like your input to. What do you need in order for you to be prepared to make better decisions in your life.
First you girls don't need to be on here trying to make it seem like giving life no matter what age is a bad thing because its not giving birth changes the lives of many people for the better and I refuse to sit here and see ignorant messages posted like that if that's how you feel you need not be on this website because people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as yourselves because its not like you are the people that's taking care of these new born babies

It is sad. I don't know what these girls need to see that its wrong. Maybe there should be a class or something made mandatory in schools to show these girls what its like to have no money, no job, and a baby... or even trying to balance school, a job, and a baby alone. Sex ed programs evidently aren't working. I think it's time that someone develops a real program.

did we listen to our parents?

I did. All my friends listened to theirs. Those were the days...

first you girls don't need to be on here trying to make it seem like giving life no matter what age is a bad thing because its not giving birth changes the lives of many people for the better and i refuse to sit here and see ignorant messages posted like that if thats how you feel you need not be on this website becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies


Wrong, if you don't want to read it then don't, that is your choice.

If you think that having a child without an income or a roof over your head is okay then you need to rethink your life. This isn't an ignorant message, this is an epidemic and the only ones that are suffering are the babies that are born to these underage girls.

You said it, people come on her to vent, well that's what I'm doing, you don't have to agree with me, heck, you don't even have to read my opinion, but you do have to give me the right to my opinion, just as I have to give you the right to yours.

You also said that it's not like we are the people that are taking care of these new born babies, get a grip, where do you think our taxes go? We are the ones paying for welfare so that teens can sit at home playing with their living dolls. If you have a Job and can afford to give this child the life that it deserves than by all means have a child, but until that time you have no right whatsoever to ruin a babies life because of your own ignorance or selfishness. That is my opinion, take it or leave it.

first you girls don't need to be on here trying to make it seem like giving life no matter what age is a bad thing because its not giving birth changes the lives of many people for the better and i refuse to sit here and see ignorant messages posted like that if thats how you feel you need not be on this website becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies

I tried to read this twice. I couldn't make heads nor tails of it. Please repost it with proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar. I'd really love to know what you are thinking.

Everyone is perfectly entitled to their own opinions on this site. Altenweg I would rate your answer and completely agree with everything you just said about lilmama19's post, but it keeps telling me to spread reputation! Also, I couldn't have put it any better myself.

Everyone is perfectly entitled to their own opinions on this site. Altenweg I would rate your answer and completely agree with everything you just said about lilmama19's post, but it keeps telling me to spread reputation! Also, I couldn't have put it any better myself.

Thank you for saying that. I think I opened a can of worms, at least were lilmama is concerned, she's ranting on my other post too.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/memo-all-sexually-active-teens-188635.html

I guess you can't please all of the people all of the time.

First, Wondergirl is right. Your writing is barely intelligible. You need to learn to use punctuation and real sentences.


first you girls don't need to be on here trying to make it seem like giving life no matter what age is a bad thing because its not giving birth changes the lives of many people for the better

If I can decipher this, it appears you are saying that giving birth, at any age, is not a bad thing and that it changes many people for the better. If that's what you are saying I partially agree. Having a child does change the lives of many people for the better. People who are emotionally and financially prepared to have a child. However, most of the time, when a child has a child it leads to hardship, resentment and makes life worse. Take a look at the story on Long Island where a mother murdered her three kids all born at a young age.


and i refuse to sit here and see ignorant messages posted like that if thats how you feel you need not be on this website becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies

The only ignorance I see is from you. Ignorance of proper writing, ignorance of the problems of teen pregnancies, ignorance of what life is really like.

Hi ScottGem - I was wondering when you'd find this, I'm glad you've finally come on board, I'm getting hate on both posts now, although I have to say that more people agree than disagree.

I do feel sorry for Lilmama, she's a pregnant teen and it's not an easy position to be in. She seems to think that this post is personally directed at her, she doesn't realize that I'm voicing my concern. After all, that is what this site is all about.

If an intelligent conversation develops from this post and one teenager reads it and realizes what we are trying to say then we it will be well worth all the hate I'm getting.

In the meantime, it was nice to hear from you again, am I crazy or are we on the same side this time?;)

We could do a couple of things to stop the teen birth rate.

1. Go back to the old ways that you MARRIED when you knocked someone up/got knocked up, and you STAYED married, until death. Period. When people realize that they don't get the option of walking away from the other person if it "doesn't work out" and that your "happiness" has NOTHING to do with raising a kid, providing for the child is the most important thing--well, that's a pretty big incentive to keep your pants zipped.

2. Mandatory birth control, both male and female, starting at age 10, and proceeding until you can pass a test proving you'd be able to provide for a child AND would be a decent parent.

3. Get rid of all Welfare programs. If you had the choice of watching your child starve or choosing adoption--well, a whole bunch of "poor, infertile couples who desperately want to raise a baby" would get that chance.

Note: lilmama19 reported this thread with the following reason. I felt compelled to respond to it



all these people are trying to call me out and s__t and i didn't join
this website for stuff i am 19 and pregnant and i will not allow this
type of stuff to happen with people trying to make it seem like my
pregnancy is a mistake


No one has tried to make your pregnancy seem like a mistake. Not every teenage pregnancy is a mistake. Not every teenage pregnancy ends badly. But there is NO question that most teens are not ready for a baby, that a baby radically changes the lives of its parents and that most teens are not prepared for the pressures and disruptions that a baby means to their lives.

Most of the people who have contributed to this thread are concerned for the teens who succumb to peer pressure to have sex with no knowledge of how to protect themselves or the consequences of their actions. Altenweg and others have contributed to this thread because of their concern.

I must say, however, that your reaction to these threads is over the top. Your reaction seems to indicate that what has been said here strikes closer to home than you would like. And maybe you aren't as comfortable with your situation like you would have others believe.

There is NOTHING in these threads, as yet, that violate the rules of this site so none of it will be removed.

This post was started because of the number of posts I saw coming from 14 and 15 year old girls asking if they could be pregnant if they had unprotected sex and asking our advice on what to do.

If you don't know that you could get pregnant from unprotected sex then maybe it's time someone told you, that's what I was doing. If you want my advice, wait until your old enough to take care of a child or abstain or use birth control (lots and lots of birth control), now you have my advice.

Obviously some of these kids aren't informed enough about sex if they don't even know that it can cause pregnancy. Guess what, it can also cause sexually transmitted diseases, and some of them can kill you.

If I insulted anyone, well I certainly didn't mean to do that, I'm just stating my opinion and hoping that some of it gets through to someone who really doesn't know what the reprocutions are, which, judging from some of the threads out there, are allot of people.

Synnen- obviously you feel very personally about this subject and I do value your opinion, if your post was serious and you really firmly believe that what you are suggesting is the only way to help this problem then I regretfully disagree but I do respect your right to have your own opinion.

If you are being sarcastic to try and teach me that there is no way to stop teen pregnancy then I have to say that you are part of the problem, no the solution, although I still believe in your right to an opinion, and I have just given you mine.

If you want to have a discussion about the pros and cons of teen pregnancy than by all means, spell out the pros for me. Don't list unconditional love from someone, you can get that from a puppy, which is, in my opinion, the only thing a teenager should consider having. List to me all the financial and emotional pros of having a child at an early age. I personally don't know any and I'm more than willing to listen.

Yes Scott I saw the report, in fact if anyone's post was out of line it was her post. This was a nice civil post not talking about any one person, but a social issue and problem in America today.

Hey, Im a 13 year old girl in eighth grade. I think the pregnancy epidemic as some would call it is absolutely ridiculous! None of us school girls need to be having babies at such a young age for obvious reasons plus the shadowed away reasons. Many teens who have babies so young end up dying or with serious health issues because of their unhealthy habbits or because their body was not yet as developed as it should be. I personally know a 14-15 year old in my classes who had a baby this school year. It affected her a lot. SOme made fun of her because of her belly, I personally felt sorry for her. She also fell really far behind in school because the last month or so of her term was at home to avoid an at school birth. Its weird too because after the kid was adopted, she sort of acted like it never happened. Almost like the women of the 1800's who pretended to not be pregnant or tried to hide it only in reverse. I don't get it. I mean I'm still learning simple things like how to talk to boys and say things like 'oh hi robert' and all that jazz. Im an accomplishing first year floutinest(flute player) I have a small crush on the kid Robert, I did take kung fu, I'm in Jr. CIvitan club and Jr. Beta, I take algebra one in 8th grade and 9th grade english. Honestly, I hardly have time to do my homework much less go out and have sex with some stupid boy who doesn't really care. I don't know where their prioritioes lie but they must greatly differ from mine.

Godsbabygirl- yet another teen who has a good head on her shoulders, my hope is being restored every moment. I played the flute in high school, I was actually pretty good but I had to stop after high school because I couldn't afford lessons. I was forced (yes forced) to take accordion lessons when I was thirteen. If anyone needs an accordion players for any kind of event I'm your girl (I can still play at least 3 songs by heart).

As a teen, what do you think we as adults have to do to get the message out there that unprotected sex is dangerous. What would it take for the kids in your school to listen? Obviously you are a very bright young lady and you already seem to know what you want out of life and know the risks involved in having sex. What would it take to convince the other kids that are having unprotected sex, what do you think would work in your school?

I think that teens are the very people we should be talking to about this, they are the ones that need the information, and obviously allot of them aren't getting it from home or from school.

Thank you so much for responding you are starting to give me faith that not all teens are doomed. Keep up the great work, at the risk of sounding "Fuddy Duddy" I am really proud of you. Take care.

Actually, I was both being serious and wry at the same time.

Doing those things WOULD end or at least reduce teen pregnancy. My favorite solution to a number of problems is to make welfare NOT dependent on need, but on need combined with education. In other words, if you can't figure out a way to finish high school or get your GED, you're too lazy to get welfare, or too stupid to be having kids. It's one or the other. We could then spend the Welfare money NOT on the women with 5 kids from 4 dads (by this time, really--you'd think she'd KNOW that having sex makes babies), but instead on helping teens AVOID sexual situations.

I know a big part of the problem (teens having sex) isn't that there is nothing else to do, or peer pressure--it's that adults generally tend to ignore teens and THEIR needs. My middle-sized town in WI (75k people) has absolutely no place for teens to hang out except the mall. And then--they banned the mall from teenagers due to gang issues. THEN the teens went to the old downtown area, and cruised the strip, or just hung out where other teens were. The banned that, and imposed a curfew. For those teens with no church or school activities (and most after school and weekend school activities are sports, let's face it), there WAS nothing else to do but to hang out at someone's house, where friends will cover for you if you both sneak off to the bathroom for a half hour or whatever.

Why not give teens more free places to go that are supervised but not prohibitively? Malls were great until adults got sick of dealing with teens when THEY went shopping, and well... adults can vote, and teens can't. Parks are great---until dusk, in most cities. Which, in this part of the world, this time of year, is about oh... 6 PM. Plus, it's COLD outside right now!

The YMCA is a great idea---but generally doesn't have teens driving the teen activities. Church activities are nice--if you're religious.

The biggest problem I see, though, is that "true love forever and ever and they lived happily ever after" is pushed at kids (especially girls) from the time they are toddlers. Tell me a Disney movie without at least a hint of a love story. Tell me a Princess that isn't drawn to be sweet 16, who gets into trouble and has a prince at least HELP save her, if he doesn't save her outright. We show girls Cinderella, and Jasmine, and Belle, and think that it's good wholesome entertainment because it doesn't have a HINT of sex in it, nor does it have any violence--but what about the object lesson? That you'll meet a handsome prince (and it will be the FIRST one you meet that likes you) and you'll fall in love, and even if you don't get married in the movie--oops, I mean right away--there's always that implication that a wedding is not far off, so why NOT have sex? Isn't that what married people and people in love DO?

The problem is not that we glamorize sex--though that certainly doesn't help. The problem is that we glamorize LOVE. I don't know many teenage girls that didn't or don't think they're in love with the guy they have sex with. And then "stupid" adults like us come along and tell them that their love isn't "real"--but their love is as real, and based on as many factors, as it is in the movies. I mean, come on--Cinderella meets the guy for ONE NIGHT, and they talk ONE TIME, and she marries him. No wonder they don't believe us when we say love isn't that easy, or that love isn't what they're feeling. And by the time they're 14--we've been shoving that kind of idea about love down their throats for 10 years already!

Actually, I was both being serious and wry at the same time.

I like it when you are wry.


The problem is that we glamorize LOVE.

I have often heard (for years! ) that guys/men give love to get sex, and girls/women give sex to get love.

Would you say that is true?

Synnen- You are right, bet you didn't expect to hear me say that did you?:)

Maybe it's time to implement some activities for teen that they actually enjoy. Maybe it's time to make information on sex and sexually transmitted diseases easily accessible and mandatory in schools. I don't have the solution, that's why I started this thread.

I am concerned about the teens out there, I do remember what it's like to be a teen, and it may come as a surprise to all of you based on my opinions, but I wasn't exactly a good wholesome girl either, but I always used protection (The pill and a condom) maybe I did get lucky by not getting pregnant, but you have to be more than lucky if your having unprotected sex and still hope you're not going to get pregnant. I also remember thinking that I was in love with my partners, I didn't really know what real love was until I met my husband.

I don't know how to solve any of this, but I do think that all of us should be very concerned about the number of kids having unprotected sex today and the fact that they don't seem to understand the consequences. It scares me that children are raising children, the majority of them aren't ready to deal with this but they don't seem to realize it.

Although abstinence would be the best solution, I realize that this is a pipe dream and not going to happen. I think that the only thing we can do is give teens the information they need in order to have safe sex, or should I say, safer sex?

I'm at a loss, I hope that most of you can understand why I posted this and why I am concerned. I wish we could come up with a solution. I'm so happy that some teens posted their opinions and I was pleasantly surprised not only by their intelligence but their passion for this subject. I hope that this conversation continues, I will check back on it tomorrow to see how much trouble I've managed to get myself in to overnight.;)

Good night everyone. Take care.

(Quick, everyone. We have only a few hours to make trouble for Altenweg! What can we do?? )

This thread reminds me of when I taught 5th and 6th grade Sunday School. I had well-planned lessons, but the small class asked if they could talk about boy-girl relationships, etc. since their parents didn't like to talk about such subjects. I checked with the superintendent who said to see where it goes, that maybe I can be the common sense in their lives and a listening ear. So I mostly listened.

I suspect that's what kids today need more than anything -- a listening ear and a dose of common sense.

Wondergirl- Hee, Hee, trust me I don't need any help getting into trouble, apparently I'm quite capable of doing it all on my own.

I think that having a place were kids can go to talk about their concerns and ask their questions is a great idea. Goodness knows that allot of these kids could use a good dose of common sense.

I also realize that there are allot of teenagers out there that aren't in any hurry to grow up and know that every one of their actions have consequences, that has become very evident as some of these teens have replied to this post and the other one that I started. Maybe it does come down to bad parenting, maybe it comes down to the fact that allot of the teens having unprotected sex have parents that were teens when they became parents, it might just be a vicious circle. If this is the case than the teens that are having kids now are perpetuating that cycle and it will never end.

A child is a gift, that's how I feel about both of my kids. Why can't these kids understand that they are playing with fire every time they have unprotected sex? Are they really so naïve about the consequences, or do they just believe that it won't happen to them?

Obviously sex education should begin in the home, but some of these kids aren't getting the information or support they need from their parents, we need to find an outlet for these kids, a safe place with informative adults that can and will guide them in the right direction. How do we go about doing that? I don't know, but I do think that it would be a step in the right direction.

A lot of it really IS that they think that it can't happen to them.

I was a straight-A student, in the National Honor Society, on the Student Council, and involved in various after school activities.

I understood how birth control worked, and made sure to be using it correctly.

I didn't drink, smoke, or break curfew--I really was little miss goody-goody.

I'd been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years before we had sex.

And I still got pregnant. I clearly remember thinking "this can't happen to ME! Only BAD girls get pregnant, not good girls that follow the rules!"

On the other side of that--look at some of the infertility threads on this board. Any woman only really has a 20% chance of getting pregnant any particular month--and that's without birth control! So--they think they know their cycles, and just don't have sex when they're "supposed" to be pregnant.

The lack of availability of easy birth control is another issue. For women, anyway. Most female birth control can only be prescribed by a doctor--and mom and dad would find out if they went to the doctor, if only because of the bill.

As far as condoms--well, show me a guy that LIKES wearing them. Many guys, especially teens, would rather use the pull-out method rather than a condom, because condoms really don't "feel good". So... because they "love" their girls, and the girls don't want that "love" to go to someone else, they compromise.

I'm basing my opinions here on personal experience, the experiences of the girls I knew in high school and college, and my high school/college aged female cousins. I am by no means suggesting that I am right about ALL teens and attitudes. I'm just passing on what I know from personal experience and the experiences of people close to me.

We are I think for the most part taught right and wrong. All teens should have some common sense and they really know what they should do. Its parents duty to make sure they are aware and be aware that teens are human and like us all will make mistakes but should leave an open door to discuss sex as well as other things that trouble them.

The biggest problem I see, though, is that "true love forever and ever and they lived happily ever after" is pushed at kids (especially girls) from the time they are toddlers. Tell me a Disney movie without at least a hint of a love story. Tell me a Princess that isn't drawn to be sweet 16, who gets into trouble and has a prince at least HELP save her, if he doesn't save her outright. We show girls Cinderella, and Jasmine, and Belle, and think that it's good wholesome entertainment because it doesn't have a HINT of sex in it, nor does it have any violence--but what about the object lesson? That you'll meet a handsome prince (and it will be the FIRST one you meet that likes you) and you'll fall in love, and even if you don't get married in the movie--oops, I mean right away--there's always that implication that a wedding is not far off, so why NOT have sex? Isn't that what married people and people in love DO?

The problem is not that we glamorize sex--though that certainly doesn't help. The problem is that we glamorize LOVE. I don't know many teenage girls that didn't or don't think they're in love with the guy they have sex with. And then "stupid" adults like us come along and tell them that their love isn't "real"--but their love is as real, and based on as many factors, as it is in the movies. I mean, come on--Cinderella meets the guy for ONE NIGHT, and they talk ONE TIME, and she marries him. No wonder they don't believe us when we say love isn't that easy, or that love isn't what they're feeling. And by the time they're 14--we've been shoving that kind of idea about love down their throats for 10 years already!!

Synn, you make perfect sense here.
I too think fairy tales and the series teens watch influence them a great deal more than we ever imagine.

I have already decided to let my little girl watch wholesome cartoons or programmes that will help her gain some good knowledge of the world she lives in.
I let her watch selected programmes and always try to be around when the advertisements are on,because even on the cartoon channels I find that an ad might be of a toothpaste,but they show a couple with shiny white teeth, falls for each other(sparks fly) the instant they see each other.
I know the advertisers are not going to stop their livelihoods just because we want our kids safe,it is up to us as parents and teachers to help them find the right path in life.

I also agree that some teens seem to think that falling in love is the coolest thing in the world.
Fighting over boyfriends I find is quite common among middle schoolers here.
They are being exposed to what parents watch at home too,the TVsoaps with so much drama around relationships seem to make an impact on them.Many parents forget that kids are around when they watch their soaps.

Maybe teens need to have outings where they can meet single parents or visit daycare centres as a school project.It just might help them see how hard it is to be a parent let alone a single parent.
There are some teens who make the right choice to abstain from a lot of things which they are being exposed to during their young lives.

do they just believe that it won't happen to them?

Like Synnen said, Yes, teenagers believe "it" (pregnancy, car accident, trouble with the law, whatever) won't happen to them.


sex education should begin in the home, but some of these kids aren't getting the information or support they need from their parents

In the '50s and before, many parents didn't tell their children about sex because the parents believed that was a green light for the kids to actually have sex. The less kids knew, parents felt, the better off the kids were. It kind of worked, partly because there was no readily-available birth control, and many teens were too scared of the unknown sexual landscape and too afraid of their parents to experiment with sex. There was a lot of misinformation passed around the teen community. Our heroes were those kids who had had sex and lived to tell about it. From what I hear, sex education today isn't much better.

And I just thought of a new question to post.

That is really scary. To think that we have slipped back into the 50's. Is it really the fact that we aren't talking to kids about sex, or are they just not listening?

There are so many teens on this site that think they might be pregnant. News flash, if you have unprotected sex you could be pregnant, I thought that was a well known fact, but apparently not.

These teens obviously have internet access, there is so much information out there, why aren't they accessing it? Not that I'm saying they should get their information only from the internet, but obviously some of these kids have nowhere else to go.

Wondergirl- start your new post, I'll be looking for it.:)

I did. All my friends listened to theirs. Those were the days....

Hi Alt - Great thread. Defintely a topic that needs exposure.

I didn't have peer pressure. I had Mom pressure and then Catholic school on top of that..
Boys?? :eek:

But what works for one, may not for another. All I know is, I had one person that I cared what they thought and that was Mom. Period.

I was just too darn afraid. It just didn't seem worth it.

There were a handful of girls who got pregnant in school and I felt so bad for them.
They would cry to me and honestly in my 17 year old head I was thinking, Gosh, I just wish you cried THAT night, now it's just too late. It just broke my heart to see them so upset and all that lied ahead.

Back then they made the girls leave school, which made me so mad. But I don't think they make them leave today, I hope not.

I just thank God my Mom was as strict as she was (for this issue anyway). She had 5 girls so I guess she had to.

But who knows what I would get myself into if it weren't for Mom.

Mom's way sure worked for me though.

Hi Allheart - Peer pressure was definitely present when I was a teen, but I also didn't want to disappoint my parents, their opinion meant allot to me.

I went to a Catholic School and we had allot of pregnancies. The funny thing is, we had sex education. Of course abstinence was the first thing that we were taught, but at that time (1984-1988) they understood that this wasn't realistic, so they also taught us about birth control. I'm just wondering why teens today don't seem to have the information I received more than 20 years ago. Are we taking a step back?

They are teaching them sex education but they say abstinence =morals, morals = religion and therefore that would be so wrong of them to teach anything like that.

so they only teach them the actual sex stuff and leave it up to them to do whatever they please.
They teach them to put condoms on produce in the 6th grade, then they hand them condoms by the 9th grade. They are not taught that it should be something that includes love, emotion, responsibility, etc... cause then they 'would be imposing values'. Then if the girl gets pregnant in some states the school will take the girl for an abortion and her family never knows she is pregnant.
Look at all the questions here from kids worried because they think "something is wrong with them cause they are still a virgin.
Remember the good old days when we had to get a note signed by our parents so we could go to the theater to see a movie? Them days are LONG gone!

With all due respect---

I don't WANT the school teaching my kids values. That's MY job.

Granted, I think teaching sex-ed is MY job too, but I have no problem with the school teaching the mechanics of it. After all, those teachers are more up to date on contraceptive statistics than I am, anyway.

However--morals ARE, in a way, religion. I don't want someone teaching my 13 year old that sex is BAD--because SEX isn't bad, it's the reasons some people have it that is bad. I don't want them teaching NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE, because not only is that unreasonable--that's still a religious conviction. I see no reason why anyone should have to wait until marriage for sex, really. So--there, morals would differ. I also see no reason why love would HAVE to be involved. Sex is fun even without love, as long as you understand the consequences of it.

And really---you still DO have to have a permission slip from your parents to take sex-ed. If you don't want your kids learning how to put a condom on a cucumber, then pull them out of the class and teach them yourself.

They may be more up to date and all but it seems to me the way they teach it it leaves kids thinking it is and should be normal for them to jump from partner to partner and not even consider things like the others emotions, commitment, responsibility.
I just know so many girls that have their first baby by the time they are 14. By the time they are 16 they are with their 10th boyfriend and having their second baby. By the time they are 21 they have their 3rd baby to their 30th boyfriend. They bring home more bf's in one year than their kids get new shoes in a year. They tell them this is your new daddy. The kids have 7 new daddys in one year. It has to confuse them, but that is okay because there shouldn't be values or morals.
I think there needs to be some kind of balance somehow -somewhere.

You don't have to have a permission slip from your parents for sex education.
I am a mom with 4 grown kids and they had the sex education in the public schools and they NEVER had to have a permission slip and I have even known girls who the schools got them the abortions without parents knowing.

And really---you still DO have to have a permission slip from your parents to take sex-ed. If you don't want your kids learning how to put a condom on a cucumber, then pull them out of the class and teach them yourself.

This statement is VERY true. At least in my school district. 2 years ago my daughter brought home a program I had to read and either agree or disagree with. It was a sex-ed brochure. I then had to attend a parent's night to discuss the curriculum. In each grade, from 6th through 9th the material expands and their horizons are "broadened" by educators who know the FACTS, who are up on the material.

However, we, as parents, had the right to refuse this education. IF we refused, we had to teach the program at home and the children still had to pass the same test. At my school district this is one test that must be passed to go on to the next grade. Guess what, only 1, yes I said ONE, teen pregnancy in our high school last year.

Of course I signed the permission slip. My daughter already KNEW sex-ed up to the 9th grade level. Why? I TAUGHT HER!! I felt it my responsibility to teach my children what they should know.

HOWEVER, there are parents who are ill-informed, don't have all the facts and the facts they do have are somewhat distorted. There are parents, especially in the area of the country I live in, that feel that talking with their children about sex is taboo.

Our children are growing up so fast these days with Mom's having to work and Dad's having to work. Moms and Dads or Moms and Step-Dads... two entirely different families... latch key kids etc.

I saw a slide show last semester that scared me out of marital sex, LOL. It was pictures of all the STDs out there and the damage they do. If we could use this in schools it would be helpful, but I doubt it would curb the problem that much.

These kids just want someone to love them. They think having a baby will accomplish that, they don't realize what they are getting into.

My daughter was in the labor and delivery room when I had my son (she was 8 at the time) and she swears she will remain a virgin forever!! LOL

The balance is PARENTS.

Seriously. This isn't a subject change, but--how would you feel about a teacher using corporal punishment on a child? Pretty outraged, right? I mean, how DARE a teacher, even for the child's own good, choose what punishment YOUR child gets! Wouldn't you rather have a teacher call you, and let YOU decide the punishment?

So... why would teaching morals be different than punishing a child? Why should a teacher be able to use THEIR judgement on morals for YOUR child.

For instance, if I were a teacher, I'd teach that sex is a lot of fun, but it comes with a lot of responsibility. I'd take classes to abortion clinics. I'd take them to adoption clinics. I'd take them to welfare lines. I'd take them to see STDs being treated. And I'd take them to see a mother lovingly caressing her newborn.

Which image do you think would stick with a lonely child who wants nothing more than to be loved to begin with?

And the thing is--these girls DO think they're in love! They're not having random sex--they're having sex with their boyfriend, who they LOVE! Read all the teenage questions here about their boyfriends/girlfriends. They ALL talk about how much they LOVE them!

As far as responsibility--most kids today either know too much or too little. Either their parents give them NO chores, and let them do whatever they want so that they'll be happy kids, or they delegate ALL of the household stuff to their kids, showing them that being an adult means being in CHARGE! And all they have to do is have a kid to boss around to get out of it!

It's not about teaching about sex. It's about parents teaching relationships by example.

Really, aside from love being so maligned by media--the biggest problem today is that everyone thinks they have the RIGHT to be happy, regardless whose expense their own happiness comes at.

I wish I could rate you here SIS, but we are in discussions board. You took the words right out of my mouth.

But, then again, what about the parents who don't have all the facts. The ones who still believe you can get pregnant from swallowing. Or the ones who are the holy rollers and think that sex is a taboo subject with their children. Living in the bible belt, I see that a lot.

Many schools do not get parents permission. I hear many parents comment on how they never knew their kids were taught the things they were taught and they never had anything to sign either.
It is good some places do keep parents informed but many school districts do not.


I agree with a lot of what you just said. Especially this



It's not about teaching about sex. It's about parents teaching relationships by example.

Really, aside from love being so maligned by media--the biggest problem today is that everyone thinks they have the RIGHT to be happy, regardless whose expense their own happiness comes at.

I wasn't able to teach my kids relationship by example because I was a single mom and their dad couldn't be bothered with them. I got married back when marriage was for "happily ever after" THEN AFTER I got married divorces became the norm.

I just feel that the mechanics of it that the schools teach the kids are left with the impression that it is like going into the candy store and picking a Milky Way over a 3 Musketeers and when you get tired of this ice cream flavor there are 48 more flavors to choose from.

I agree that morals should be taught at home but as J_9 said the schools need to give the parents brochures and so forth so the parents CAN discuss things with the kids and be on the same page with what the school is teaching.

The only thing Mom taught us 5 girls over and over and over and over...

Is to respect your bodies. Do not under ANY circumstances let any Tom, or Harry touch you. They must be worthy.

And I have held on to those teachings. Always did. Every girl should, I think. Your body is so precious, I believe when you are touched in that way, they touch your soul.

When you give of your body you give of yourself.

That was the only lesson I got and it really was the only one I needed.

I agree all heart
It isn't so much about teaching morals and values
but at least the school could teach respect the others feelings, consider what you are getting into before you jump into it,
Kids just look, jump into it and ask questions after the fact only to find out they are nowhere compatible or anything.

Mom was sooooooooooooooooooooo strict about everything. But for this issue man I am so glad. She was like a broken record and most times I was thinking what are you going on about?? But I guess with 5 girls you had to.

In school it was never addressed. I mean never. Sex? You mean what gender... right? :)

I never remember it being mentioned. When I was out, at a house party or something, I just heard my Mom in my head. And I was so shy... I just watched... A couple was all cutsie sitting together, she would get up and leave the room.. and his eyes would be roaming the room... I thought I'll be a stinker. :) Mom was right... Boys only want one thing... blah blah blah. :).

But I tell you what, self respect is worth diamonds.

Then there is the opposite extreme
Where many moms are strung out on drugs and bringing home a different guy every few months and even getting their kids started on drugs and that is the example the kids DO have

I do agree that sex education should begin in the home. I had a talk with my 9 year old about it the other day. I asked if he knew what the word sex means, he said "yea but it's icky." I told him that when he stops thinking it's icky then I'd like to talk to him about it. He agreed. Hopefully I'm heading down the right track, hopefully he'll continue to come to me with his questions and hopefully I'll have all the answers.

My concern is for the kids out there that have no one to turn to. The kids with mothers like the ones mentioned, drug addicts going through men like some people go through underwear. Obviously these kids don't have anyone to turn to, they learn by example and the entire vicious cycle is repeated. There has to be a way to put a stop to this, there has to be something that we can do. These kids are growing up to fast, I don't think that sex education is doing the trick, what can be done for the kids that are left with no one?

Actually, there area lot of schools ( I don't know the exact number or anything, but clearly too many) that do teach strictly absitence based "sex" education (I don't even undersand that. The teacher gets up says, "don't have sex" and it's over?). And I'm so confused by this movement I'm seeing to have only abstinence education everywhwere in america. Every time I hear about it want to scream! (instead I write emails to politicians pointing out how incredibly stupid that idea is... )
Even the schools that do teach real sex ed don't always do such a good job (like my school! Or maybe it was just my teacher, who showed up once every few weeks... ). We have a very low teen pregnancy rate (like, last year there was a pregnant senior and I felt sooo bad for her because everyone stared at her like she was an alien its so rare in our community to see a pregnant teen). But when I say pregnancy here I mean actually carrying the baby for 9 months. I know of a number of girls who have had abortions and countless more who have had pregnancy scares simply because they don't understand birt control.


Did you ever read that article in seventeen magazine about the high school where there was some ridiculously high number of teen parents (it was completely normal to have 2 or 3 children by graduation or to go to prom showing off your pregnant belly) because they school refused to teach anything other than abstinence?

What we need is for more adults to accept the fact that many of us will have sex and to take the time to educate us rather than simply lecture us not to do it. I'm glad to see an adult finally ask what can be done instead of just going on about how we shouldn't be having sex at all and blah blah blah.

That is a very good question, for teengers the reason they usually have unprotected sex is because they hear about sex when we arelittle kids and over the years if were still virgin it makes us curious to how those parts of our bodies feel, we get urges and without really thinking and not as mature as adults are we have unprotected sex and possibly get called mommy. My old friend had sex when she was 11 years old, another friend was 12. It's unsafe and horrible I know I know I have heard it in sex education classes for I am only 13 turning 14 in may myself, but because of my old friends actions and having unsafe sex this summer she is now a pregnant mother and yet only 17. I think slow dancing is part of the whole thing too, in school dances they feel close to one of the opposite sex... and they get horny and that causes them to want to lose their virginity. And a note to sexual education classes we all know it is important to have safe sex, most us usually don't give a crap and go for it... and when you go into the sex ed classes and talk about those things like the fillopean tubes and the penis, vigina, foreskin and sexual transmitted diseases you just make us think about it and mind can trick you into things even if it's your own and that enourages us to want to know what it feels like.. Lets just say for virginity I'm glad I havet lost mine yet. There's a hint to why we do that .

first you girls don't need to be on here trying to make it seem like giving life no matter what age is a bad thing because its not giving birth changes the lives of many people for the better and i refuse to sit here and see ignorant messages posted like that if thats how you feel you need not be on this website becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies

Cleary she is talking to the teens that are not ready for children... otherwise she wouldn't quote that particular question. I think she is absolutely right to be concerned. I don't think teen pregnancy is exactly an epidemic but I do believe that for the majority of teens, pregnancy and motherhood are not for the better. I would not consider her judgemental for being concerned.

All of you make just wonderful points.

And perhaps even at age 44 I am brainwashed? Mom did a number on me? I don't think so, but I feel strongly about some things -

1) Because a child (and that's what we are talking about... right? ), is going to do something any ole way, well make sure they have what they need to do.

They shouldn't rob a bank, but kids need money, and you know they are going to rob the bank any ole way, so make sure you let them know, to always have the getaway car parked right outside the bank, so they can hop in after robbing the bank, and don't get caught.

Okay stretching in a bit. Girls having sex at age 14, 15, 16 or whatever, with boys of the same age, or even slighty older, blows my mind.

When a boy is 14, 15, 16 and in that age catergory, God bless him, his hormones are racing all over the place. In most cases, he is so hungry for the food, but is way too young and the hormones are racing way too much, to even begin to appreciate how the food was made.

Girls on the other hand, at that same age, do not have those same heavy sexual urges as a boy, and should be able to refrain from having sex at such a young age.

If we teach our children to value who they are, of course all the consequences of having sex, good, bad and indifferent, we will have well rounded children in that area.

There will be some that no matter what will go out and do it any way.

Because there are drugs on the street, and the chances of our children coming across them, and being tempted to do them, should we make sure they have all the tools to do the drugs?

Sex is not for children period. It is rare I would think that someone in that age category has the mental and internal maturity to appreciate the act, and to be able to handle all that goes with it.

Would I tell my child, do not have sex. Not in those words. But they would know everything from A to Z. But no, I would not being taking my daughter to a gyn to get her the pill. She would be well informed of the consequences if she chooses to have sex and be ready to enter adulthood quickly and get used to be called the name Mommy.

Let's give our children some credit - keep them informed - but let's not make the risk higher for them by giving them the impression that you are going to do it anyway so here's protection. There minds are not mature enough to put all the pieces together.

These are children. They have a whole life ahead of them where they will have to be adults, I wouldn't not want to rush them.

Our children have to learn restraint, self-control and self respect.

This is not a regligous belief - this is for their own well being.

With all of that said - If after all my teaching, guidance and educating - My child either got pregnant, or got someone pregnant, I would take them in my arms, hold them so close, cry and let them know how much I love them.
They still are in fact children and human and are going to not always exercise the best judgement. I would make sure I let them know I love them and the child on the way. But they will have to be a parent and all that means. But I would be right by their side. Just like any other time a child falls. You do your best as a parent, teach them as best you can, but sometimes things are not going to go according to a parent's plan.

Bottom line is to still love them.

(kinda makes me wish I was a parent right now - teaching them to value themselves and right from wrong would be a job I would cherish... Bless all of you parents.)

becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies

Unfortunately it does end up being the older tax payer dollars that does pay for many if not most of these babies.
I can't blame the teens though because that is one of the reasons I say that they should be being taught the value of a relationship and responsibility and so forth.

Let's face it, todays' youth are growing up allot faster than we did. They are having sex at a younger age, and they are getting pregnant. I do agree that sex education should begin in the home, but that we should only leave it up to the parents of these teens is not a solution for all.

Pregnancy is a major concern, and allot of you have said that if your teen came home pregnant then you would deal with it, what would happen if your child came home with Aids? Pregnancy is a life changing event, Aids is a death sentence.

If it was only kids having kids then it would still be a major issue, one worth fighting for, but it isn't only pregnancy. If we don't teach our kids to have safe sex and reinforce it everyday then we are sending them into this world with a loaded gun for which we supplied the bullets. Talk to your kids, tell them that abstinence is best, but don't leave out sex education otherwise you are playing with fire, and you might get burnt, but ultimately they will pay the price. We have to educate and drill this information into their heads until it becomes second nature. Love can only cure so much, we are yet to find a cure for Aids, it only takes once, are we willing to take that chance?

Alt you are 100% correct. All the consequences have to be taught. Perhaps a health class and bring in Guest speakers, their same age, who are willing to share their story of getting pregnant, getting STD - Peer to Peer sometimes hits home better for them.

But I completely agree - and that's what I did mean from A to Z.

We did that, in my school. And we had high school students come in when I was in junior high.

Guess what? Still got pregnant. And I was practicing safe sex!

Really, part of the issue is that we expect kids to BE kids when they're teenagers, when they're not really kids anymore--they're something in between.

The last half of this century is the first time, historically, when teenagers were being told NO SEX! Heck, a century ago, they were being married off as teens! So... you're trying to stop centuries worth of instincts in teens, here.

The life span is longer now, and people are less likely to DIE in childbirth (at least in first world countries), but it wasn't always so. I, personally, don't think it's that unusual for a teenage girl to want to get married and have babies--I mean, isn't that what practically every love story out there screams is "happily ever after"?

The problem, again, is parents. We, as adults, have unrealistic expectations of teenagers to begin with. I've met very few people that can remember to NOT treat a 15 year old the same way they treat a 10 year old. They should be given more responsibility, definitely. They should be given respect in relation to how well they handle that responsibility. Half a century ago, teens were EXPECTED to help with household chores and expenses. If they had a job, it was not for the frivolous things most kids now spend their money on. They were expected to put their family first.

Kids today have too much TIME. It used to be that your time after school was in school activities, a part time job (and not just McDonald's, where they don't expect much from you), or you were helping at home--making dinner, doing chores, helping paint a fence, whatever. You were focusing on your education first, then your family, and somewhere in there was religion. After dinner you studied, and then you went to bed. Where in there was there time for friends? Friends were people you did things with at school activities, or through church, or they lived right next door to you.

Now... with cities bussing kids in from all over, you go to school with people that live nowhere near you. The internet has created a whole new type of friendship, a whole new group of activities.

Both parents working, or one parent working 2 jobs, means less time supervising kids' activities. And society in general just expects less of teens, since they're 'just kids'. A half a century ago, 16 meant you were "almost a man" or "almost a woman" and expected, by everyone, to act accordingly.

What I'm trying to point out is that SOCIETY has changed. Not the kids, not the parenting, not any ONE thing. Society overall has changed, and we're still adjusting to it. Divorces, single parenthood, AIDS, the internet, sexual predators, the whole kit and kaboodle. And we're still figuring out how to make personal happiness and society mesh.

Ya know after I posted that I thought... wow I do sound like my Mom. And wondered if it were too extreme.

Mom was divorced as well. So it was only her.

There are days where I do fee a bit of releif that I am not a Mom, because I think I would be so focused and maybe too focused on this as well as their little hearts. I am always so worried that they will get crushed.

Great great topic and thread!!

Synnen - You are right, times have changed.

Another problem that I see is that children aren't expected to work for the things they want anymore, I remember having to pay for my own shampoo out of my babysitting money, I was 12 years old.

Nowadays every teen has a cell phone and their parents are usually flipping the bill, even kids that are 10 years old have cell phones, you can't honestly tell me they are paying for it with their own money. No wonder they aren't concerned about becoming pregnant or std's, if it does happen then mom and dad will take care of it or they'll go on welfare or whatever, it doesn't matter to them because they don't realize how much responsibility it takes to have a child, they've never had any responsibility before to teach them.

It's time to start expecting more from our kids. It's time to make them work for the things they want and not just take everything for granted. It worked for most of us, maybe it's time to take a step back and bring back some good old fashioned ethics and responsibility, not to mention values. I don't know if it's the answer, but I think it would be a step in the right direction.

It's time to start expecting more from our kids. It's time to make them work for the things they want and not just take everything for granted. It worked for most of us, maybe it's time to take a step back and bring back some good old fashioned ethics and responsibility, not to mention values. I don't know if it's the answer, but I think it would be a step in the right direction.

That was the subject of a long article in last Sunday's Chicago Tribune Perspective section. The author came to the same conclusion.

We did that, in my school. And we had high school students come in when I was in junior high.

Guess what? Still got pregnant. And I was practicing safe sex!!

Really, part of the issue is that we expect kids to BE kids when they're teenagers, when they're not really kids anymore--they're something in between.

The last half of this century is the first time, historically, when teenagers were being told NO SEX! Heck, a century ago, they were being married off as teens! So...you're trying to stop centuries worth of instincts in teens, here.

The life span is longer now, and people are less likely to DIE in childbirth (at least in first world countries), but it wasn't always so. I, personally, don't think it's that unusual for a teenage girl to want to get married and have babies--I mean, isn't that what practically every love story out there screams is "happily ever after"?

The problem, again, is parents. We, as adults, have unrealistic expectations of teenagers to begin with. I've met very few people that can remember to NOT treat a 15 year old the same way they treat a 10 year old. They should be given more responsibility, definitely. They should be given respect in relation to how well they handle that responsibility. Half a century ago, teens were EXPECTED to help with household chores and expenses. If they had a job, it was not for the frivolous things most kids now spend their money on. They were expected to put their family first.

Kids today have too much TIME. It used to be that your time after school was in school activities, a part time job (and not just McDonald's, where they dont' expect much from you), or you were helping at home--making dinner, doing chores, helping paint a fence, whatever. You were focusing on your education first, then your family, and somewhere in there was religion. After dinner you studied, and then you went to bed. Where in there was there time for friends? Friends were people you did things with at school activities, or through church, or they lived right next door to you.

Now...with cities bussing kids in from all over, you go to school with people that live nowhere near you. The internet has created a whole new type of friendship, a whole new group of activities.

Both parents working, or one parent working 2 jobs, means less time supervising kids' activities. And society in general just expects less of teens, since they're 'just kids'. A half a century ago, 16 meant you were "almost a man" or "almost a woman" and expected, by everyone, to act accordingly.

What I'm trying to point out is that SOCIETY has changed. Not the kids, not the parenting, not any ONE thing. Society overall has changed, and we're still adjusting to it. Divorces, single parenthood, AIDS, the internet, sexual predators, the whole kit and kaboodle. And we're still figuring out how to make personal happiness and society mesh.

Your words here make me proud to be the mother that I am. I'm not trying to brag, really I'm not, but you described my family to a T.

My children (even Little J) has chores, they get allowances, they have after school activities, they still play OUTSIDE :eek: No motorized little trucks, what exercise do you get from that? We have bicycles, with two wheels and pedals that won't go unless you use your muscles.

Rewards are doled out age appropriately. Rae goes to the movies Friday nights usually, and she pays her own way. I drop her off and pick her up (she's 14). I trust her. And in that respect she thanks me for trusting her by respecting our family's morals and values.

She has chosen to break friendships with girls who smoke, swear, use drugs, and are promiscuous... all her own doing without any influence from me.

But, it started when she was young, around 4 to be exact. We felt that if she was old enough to ask a question, she was old enough to get an answer. Now the answer was tailored to her age, but she got an answer nonetheless.

I guess I am raising the "Cleaver" family, with the Beav and the whole crew, but I know where my children are and who they are with.

And, you know, most of that comes from how I was raised. I guess it gets carried down from generation to generation.

I spent an hour reading most of these posts on this thread and I got to tell all you AMHD members... what a discussion.

I grew up in a household full of women (5 of us!) so the sex topic was always bouncin' from wall to wall. I do strongly believe that it has A LOT to do with how your parents approach the topic.

Every Saturday, before I could do anything, my sisters and I had to do chores which my mom assigned. And usually right after I did them, I went right to work. I have been working srongly since I was 12 and always earned what I got now.

Because my mom and dad pushed me to be responsible I believe that had a great effect on my choice of sex.

I am now 20, not pregnant, but was ALWAYS aware of the risks. I have been with one person for 2 years now and lost my virginity to him.

I am trying to create that kind of home for my kids. I firmly believe in waiting until they ask the question and then giving them an age appropriate answer. They both know were babies come from and I've made it very clear that only adults should have kids and that it is better to wait until you are married before you bring children into the world. I do worry about the information that they are getting and will get from their peers, but hopefully I've already built a good foundation so that they will continue coming to me.

I think that going back to good old fashioned values is a must if these teens are to survive in the world today. Things have changed so drastically and not for the better. There is so much sex and violence on television today and there aren't any consequences, that's what our children are learning.

They want to be like the Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohans that they worship, they see their idols getting away with everything from unprotected sex to drinking and driving and not suffering any consequences for their actions. No wonder teens don't think that they will get hurt, their idols don't.

What we really need is for these movie stars to start taking responsibility for their actions and to start setting a better example for the kids that idolize them. Unfortunately we as parents have very little influence over what these people do.

Whoa--hold it right there.

Movie stars act the way movie stars have ALWAYS acted. And who are YOU to tell someone else how to live their own life?

If you don't like the example, don't let your kid be exposed to it. Period.

Whoa right back at you.

I'm not telling anyone how to live their lives, I'm saying what I believe needs to happen in order to protect our youth. If you don't agree that's fine but I suggest that you calm down before jumping down my throat for my beliefs.

Maybe movie stars do act the same as they always have, but I don't remember hearing or seeing the stars I idolized on television every day getting arrested for drinking and driving, sleeping with everything that moves and not suffering any consequences. How long did Paris Hilton spend in jail, 5 seconds? Come on, what kind of example are these people setting for the kids out there.

You are right, I don't have to let my kids be exposed to it, but short of getting these stars booted of the air or moving to the woods without television or radio, I don't know how I'm going to achieve that. You can't even turn on the television without seeing what trouble they've gotten themselves into today. We need better examples for our children, better idols for them to worship because the ones we have right now aren't cutting it.

Whoa right back at you.

Maybe movie stars do act the same as they always have, but I don't remember hearing or seeing the stars I idolized on television every day getting arrested for drinking and driving, sleeping with everything that moves and not suffering any consequences. How long did Paris Hilton spend in jail, 5 seconds? Come on, what kind of example are these people setting for the kids out there.


Exactly Altenweg

Movie stars are not the same as it was years ago. They may have to some degree but it was kept quiet for the most part. Liz Taylor's divorces, Burt Renold's confirmed bachelorhood and Marilyn Monroe were about as GP rated as it got up until the early 70's. They did get divorced whereas it was more uncommon for the average person to get divorced back then.
They weren't even allowed to sleep in the same bed or say the word toilet on TV back then.

But I think TV is neither here nor there and really a subject for its own post.

Personally I don't care to watch TV with my son cause it is rather embarrassing to me to hear them say the things they say now. If it was the basics maybe I wouldn't feel that way but they say really crude stuff on some of those shows.

I'm trying to think who I looked up to -way back then... and I don't think it was anyone on TV. Mom really did limit it. Any of you remember Dark Shadows?? We were forbidden to watch it.

Anyway, because I was the youngest of 5 I had my four sisters I looked up to (thankfully), so I was really lucky I think.

I don't even remember who stars where back then. LOL :)

I know that times have changed, but has anyone thought about the consequences of those changes. I remember when they weren't even allowed to say the word pregnant on television, they always said "with child". Why was pregnant considered an ugly word?

Now they are even allowed to say the F word on television. Stars on TV sometimes change partners more then most of us change our underwear. What kind of message are we sending to our children? What happened to good old family values, did it go out of style?

My point is that things were better in the 70's, I mean, I'm not willing to give up my microwave or cell phone, but I think our teens could do without some of these horrible influences in their lives. Teens already think that they are invincible, do we really need Singers and Movie stars showing them that they are? This isn't fiction, these stars do whatever they want and even when they do get caught they get a tiny slap on the wrist at most.

Teens today need to know that their actions have very real consequences. That if you have unprotected sex you could get pregnant or die. They need to know that the rules are different for them than they are for the stars, we live in the real world. They need to understand that just because their idol is doing something doesn't mean it's okay. Where are all the good influences, where did they go, is being a good person no longer popular, if so then heaven help us.

There are so many things conspiring against us when it comes to teaching our kids. Not only about sex, that's just the subject that I feel very passionately about. It's scary to think about the number of kids having unprotected sex out there, what will the world be like when my kids are teens?

Maybe I should start looking for some property in the woods.

They say worse than the F word
My son watches Family Guy and I can't repeat the things they say on there.
(I don't think I can... It would probably have to get deleted from here)

Good point, some of the language on these shows shocks even me, and I'm not easily shockable.

Maybe writing to the network that plays these shows would be a start. Why do we need all this bad language and bed hopping, it doesn't make the show any more entertaining and it sets a really bad example for our kids.

I'm not easy shockable either. I really am not shocked cause I have heard it all, but I definitely don't find it entertaining whatsoever.

Well, I guess we've come full circle on this subject and still haven't come to a conclusion.
I do know that I will do my best with my kids to teach them right from wrong and that they should make informed decisions about sex. I hope that this works.

I do still firmly believe that some kind of program should be made available to all the teens out there that have no where to turn, I just don't know what that program should be or what it should entail.

I do know that I'm going to sit down with my kids and watch re-runs of Little house on the Prairie, they might find it boring but that show is exactly what they need. No swearing, no bed hopping, no drugs and no teen pregnancy, back when things were simpler and less frightening for our kids, and for us.

I'll touch base again tomorrow, maybe someone will have the solution to this problem.

Good night everyone.

I think My mom should run some sort of bootcamp :)

I didn't care who was doing what... who was doing who... who wasn't wearing what... I just wanted to be sure to keep my butt out of trouble. That's all I really cared about.
It's the God's truth.

I love Family Guy.

I wouldn't let my KIDS watch it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have entertainment value.

And wow... My mom just didn't let us watch crap TV... she sent us out to play. We weren't allowed to have music she wouldn't listen to.

I don't know about you, but I looked up to my TEACHERS. And to my grandparents. And policemen, and firemen, and the guys in the military.

It STILL comes back to parental influence. I say it again: If you don't want your kids emulating the "stars" then don't endorse the shows, don't let your kids watch them. If you think that a star is doing something you wouldn't want your kid doing, then TALK to them about it.

I grew up in the 80s. I remember TONS of drug overdoses. I remember couples splitting and getting back together.

TV is a different issue, but connected--however, if you don't like what a show has to say, then write the sponsors. Believe me, money talks. If enough people write in and say they won't buy Doritos because they sponsor a show that you find questionable, believe me, Doritos will pull their backing, and if it's found out WHY they pulled it, they won't get anyone ELSE to sponsor.

Again, it's personal responsibility. You can't blame "outside influences" if you don't address the issues with your kids.

I don't remember watching much TV as a kid. It was a special occasion to stay up late and watch "Wizard of Oz" with the whole family, but generally, my parents fostered the "go outside and PLAY" philosophy. Or if we were bored, they'd hand us a BOOK.

There was where my REAL heroes were--the heroes in stories. I wanted to be Lucy in Narnia, or the boy (I can't remember his name) in Treasure Island. I wanted to be JUST like Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Parents are soooo influential. My mom didn't turn the TV on because she didn't like it. I can't remember a time where my mom wasnt' reading something in her down time.

Really, those horrible Hannah Montanna's and Britney Spears's can be examples--of the BAD kind. But it takes a parent to point out WHY they're bad to their kids.

The 80's is when everything seemed to start to really change from the Leave it to Beaver
Upbringing we in the 60's had.
People started getting divorced at a much higher rate and it was no longer looked at as taboo.
Kids started getting diagnosed with ADHD at a much higher rate.
Kids whose parents started getting them high as a teen ager were just hitting their 20's.
TV started to be more promiscuous.

I agree if you don't like the shows don't watch them but my son is 20 now.

Let me add my 2 cents. Back when I went to High School it mandatory to take sex education. We as student were taught all about the reproduction system and we taught about the STDs. The school system is not to blame for the growing teen pregnancy rates.

Abstinence is not the answer. Telling these teenagers they should not have sex is a waste of time. Sex is all around them, it's in the movies they see, and it's in the music they listen. For those that don't believe that the amount of sex on TV has not increased you are mistaken. Our society is changing what was acceptable 20-30 years is doesn't hold true today. Parents have to learn and accept the difference.

The root of the problem really dates back way before my time. In our society which is male dominated puts emphasis on young men having sex. If a teenage son comes to his father and says dad I had sex. His father more than likely is going to be happy for him. His father will approve and tell him you better be careful you don't want to get her pregnant. It's a major achievement. If the son is not having sex or interested in girls the parents think he is gay.

Now, flip the coin the young woman comes home and tells her father that she just had sex. The dad is like “Where is this son of a …where is my gun.” Honey, you need to have a sit down with this girl. Then the mother explains “you are a young woman you have to respect your body.. blah.. blah.”

This needs to change! If it was not socially acceptable for young men to have sex at a young age, it would eliminate majority of these teen pregnancies.

I personally, didn't have sex until late teens and my whole family was waiting for me to come out the closet. My older brother, younger brother and friends teased me.

Women by nature are always trying to one up each other. These young women are trying to emulate the adult women and adult women have sex. So just like guys tease other guys for being virgins the daughters are doing the same. And just like the movie “American Beauty” majority of these young women are just lying and pretending to have sex to fit in.

The message to our teenagers should be if you want to have sex use protection.

Giving condoms out in schools was a great idea. Then parents lobbied and claimed that only encourages teenagers to have sex.

Parents must understand that they cannot control the decisions their teenagers make, but they can give their teenagers the tools to so they make the right decisions.

Yeah I agree with that marriedguy
Double standard mostly cause the guy was suppose to but it was shocking if the girl did.

I really feel they need someone to teach them the hardships and responsibility of life though as well. Parents aren't, schools don't and then everybody complains when teens have babies and go on welfare using "their tax dollars". WHAT do they expect?? The kids are not taught any better.

So... like I said earlier... don't attack the sex---that's always happened.

Attack the philosopy that it's okay to be a single parent--by stopping easy divorces. Attack the philosophy that it's HER problem if she gets pregnant--go back to "taking care of it" or getting married.

Make the consequences that you're UNHAPPY for the rest of your life with someone you might not have chosen to spend it with because you got "caught" having sex. The other alternative is that there will be more adoptions.

But THAT will never happen, because Americans think they have the RIGHT to be happy.

I love how you refer to us in a stereotype. I agree that teens should be more careful. I have plenty of friends who have kids most under 20yrs. I'm 19 I have one year left till I lose the suffix & to tell you the truth.. many said I wouldn't make it past 16-17 without having a baby, well.. here I am.. no kid. That's not to say I wasn't in danger of having one though. Some teens just don't care if they have a kid or not, they feel they or they& their boy friend(partner, whatever) can suport this baby if she did indeed become pregnant, then there's always mommy & daddy & family to help. They don't think of it as 9 months of carrying & a promising future of hard labor and flesh ripping pushing of a watermelon sized figure out of a hole the size of a lemon (if they're lucky). They're sontent w/ the fact that they could become pregnant, but are scared out of their minds when they miss that first period or find out that mr. stud muffin didn't use a condom after all. Which is why I'm planning my pregnancy. Yupp that's right.. "i'm planning" my pregnancy at 19. And damn proud. Because I may not be ready for carrying or delivering a baby at the very moment, but I'm willing to work and get ready for it. As for the irresponsible teen pregnancies you speak of.. you can lecture all day about practicing safe sex and using abstinence (both in which are good ideas) you can even scare them w/ facts about pregnancy and std's. Truth is they do it because they do it, because others are doing it, and attention. Sex is a fad. Everyone's doing it. But people are caring less and less about who is doing because its becoming old news, so teens think since no one is paying attention then no one will notice. Or in some cases... attention is what they were after. Umm hum.

which is why i'm planning my pregnancy. yupp thats right.. "i'm planning" my pregnancy at 19. and damn proud. b/c i may not be ready for carrying or delivering a baby at the very moment, but i'm willing to work and get ready for it.
Am I reading that right, that you're planning of get pregnant now at the age of 19? If so, I just have to ask why? I'm only a few months behind you and I think I would lose my mind if I were to get pregnant now even if I did have 9 months to prepare ;)

It's good to hear the young people's point of view on this subject. I just can't imagine anyone in their teens being ready to be a parent, maybe I am old.

The whole "sex is a fad" thing really scares me, what happened to clothing fads, at least they where safe.

Are kids not getting enough attention at home, is that why they are having sex and getting pregnant?

Synnen - You are right about television, I for one am trying to get my kids outside more and reading more, it's hard though. When I was a kid we had 8 channels, now there's satellite, over 200 channels. Our kids are growing up on TV, they can't live without it, and the values that they are getting from TV aren't good. It's easy to say that we shouldn't let them watch shows that we don't approve of, the fact is that these shows are out there and they will find a way to watch them if Mom and Dad forbid it.

Obviously there's no simple solution, otherwise someone would already have come up with it and implemented it. How do we get through to teens, for their own good.

In this morning's paper, a columnist reported on a recent teen club pow-wow (led by adults) about sex and sex education. Most of the teens had female friends with gonorrea and other STDs in their mouths and throats, diseases that will be with them the rest of their lives and diseases that they can pass on to others by kissing and engaging in oral sex. A number of the teen attendees believed Baggies and even aluminum foil were good subs for condoms. The conclusion was that teen pregnancy is down but STDs are spreading like wildfire through the teen population.

Teen pregnancy is down? Obviously they didn't check this site, it seems that there are two post per page with teens asking if they could be pregnant.

The STD's doesn't surprise me, if they're having unprotected sex then there is that risk, it's a higher risk that getting pregnant.

Aluminum foil and Baggies? How much do condoms cost now that kids have to use substitutes that don't work?

Yikes, it's a scary world. I feel like crawling into bed and not ever coming out.

It's not the COST of condoms.

It's the fact that they don't have to answer questions from their parents if they find baggies or aluminum foil in their rooms.

Good point. But still, aluminum foil, Ouch! No wonder they'd rather have unprotected sex, this might also explain why so many teenage girls are experiencing pain when having sex. I say again, aluminum foil, Ouch!

aluminum foil were good subs for condoms.

YEEOOOUUUCHHHH!!!! :eek:

What the hell is the matter with people?? :confused:

And I'd be willing to guess teen pregnancy might be down, but teen internet usage is up - that's why we have so many pregnant teens visiting us here...

Jillian - True, but what amazes me more is the fact that these teens obviously know how to use the internet, why not look up safe sex practices. Google and learn, it's not brain surgery.

And I say again, aluminum foil, Ouch, full body shiver and not in a good way.

I personally think that the Mothers and Fathers need to be more PRO-ACTIVE with There Children! I have 4 Children and my oldest is a 14 year old boy and I stalk him as he calls it! I check his myspace and monitor his phone calls and his friends as well.. I know the Good the bad and the UGLY of what is going on in his life... I see what the other kids are up too girls messing around with girls boys messing with boys and girls and boys having sexual relationships way earlier and earlier, no this is not a huge change from when I was a child (teen) but it is allot more of just not thinking of what may happen babies having babies, STD and mixing drugs into the hole thing its not fun to be a parent but it is our Duty as Mothers and Father to DO OUR JOB!! Teach our children Rite and Wrong! Dangers etc... When our Children where small we would say no don't touch the stove its hot!! Montior what they put in there mouth so they would not choke... I personally will watch over (stalk) as my teen puts it! All 4 of my children Till the day I die! Parental DUTY and LOVE!! Not an easy job but My job and Im happy to do it!

Hi Altenweg,

I think it's like everything else these days, teenagers do what ever when ever they like, knowing they are not going to be punished.

Schools have no control, parents have no control and Police have more important issues,so it's a case of... don't tell me what to do,I'll do what I want with whom I want, there is nothing you can do about it, so... bleep bleep bleep off.


Total lack of respect for themselves and everything around them.

Total lack of respect for themselves and everything around them.
And if that is true : what can you conclude from that statement?
Are it the teens, or is it the society in its entirety that is rotten to the core, and is the behavior of teens not simply a reflection of that?

In my views any society that mainly focuses on it's own interests and needs is the cause of the problems you described...

:rolleyes:

·

HI Credendavidis,

You can conclude from my previous statement that: things need to change regarding the upbringing of our children, who are the adults of the future.

What ever they are taught when they are young is how they will lead their life in society when growing older, progressing from a cheeky child to an argumentative teenager and onto an aggressive adult.

No, society is not rotten to the core yet, but if these young people have no respect or values or moral codes, eventually when all people are replaced by the teens of today, then society may very well be rotten to the core... it has to change now.

The behavior of the teens are a reflection of various things: Their home life and the way parents are raising them.. our government, changing the rules in society regarding discipline... our police force knowing who the culprits are, regarding theft, arson, vandalism,muggings etc etc... not able to do a thing about it... a slap on the wrist is the usual and don't do it again lads,because it's too much paper work and what's the point they'll get a fine which won't be paid, plus there aren't enough police on the beat so...
let off yet again... this has to stop

Society has to have some form of order, it's like any thing... solid foundation... preparation... brilliant long lasting result.

A child needs solid foundation that he can rely upon,knowing that it will show him the right way in life correcting him when he takes a wrong turn, not allowing him to continue on the wrong track which eventually will be his downfall... discipline is the key to a respectful society.

just my opinion

No, society is not rotten to the core yet, but if these young people have no respect or values or moral codes, eventually when all people are replaced by the teens of today, then society may very well be rotten to the core.....it has to change now.
I disagree. A society that allows nukes to be stockpiled, that allows and supports countries to be invaded on non-issue arguments, that focuses on personal wealth and gain, that allows - if not enforces - people to be living in a world above their means, that does not focus on the own poverty and need, nor on the poverty and need in the rest of the world, such a society is rotten to the core : that is a society that is rotten to it's core.

A child needs solid foundation that he can rely upon. And that foundation starts with parents being there for their children, even if that requires one less car, one less holiday, one less purchase, or less available means for financing unnecessary luxury purchases.

That that is the real cause of the mentioned problem is my opinion !

:)

Whilst I agree with your first paragraph , I'll also add that these decisions you speak off are government made, adults in society, which is exactly my point...

The question being... why are so many teens getting pregnant ?

My opinion is stated on previous post ,which I stand by... discipline

I disagree. A society that allows nukes to be stockpiled, that allows and supports countries to be invaded on non-issue arguments, that focuses on personal wealth and gain, that allows - if not enforces - people to be living in a world above their means, that does not focus on the own poverty and need, nor on the poverty and need in the rest of the world, such a society is rotten to the core : that is a society that is rotten to it's core.

A child needs solid foundation that he can rely upon. And that foundation starts with parents being there for their children, even if that requires one less car, one less holiday, one less purchase, or less available means for financing unnecessary luxury purchases.

That that is the real cause of the mentioned problem is my opinion !

:)

I'd like to point out that it's ALSO a society that has such things as:
Big Brothers Big Sisters
Habitat for Humanity
People who feed and shelter the homeless
The Salvation Army
Toys for Tots
And hundreds and thousands of volunteers for pretty much any kind of need you can think of.

You may not always SEE the good, because it is not as focused on as the bad by the media, but it's there. For example, a group of people I work with and I donate to the Domestic Abuse shelter all of the "free" part of the "buy one get one free" deals at the grocery store. What the shelter can't use goes to the soup kitchen down the street. I know pretty much everyone on this board gives to someone or something to help.

So... it's not ALL evilness and selfishness. It's the fact that we have an entire generation of kids that ANYONE could be in Little League, or make the football team, or could be a cheerleader, because we can't EXCLUDE anyway. It's a generation of "No Child Left Behind", and of kids expecting everything to be fair ALL of the time. Lack of personal responsibility for anything runs rampant, and THAT is the true vice of today's society.

So...it's not ALL evilness and selfishness.
I never suggested that. I stated that such a society is rotten to the core.
And when the shoe fits...

===


My opinion is stated on previous post ,which i stand by.....discipline
Discipline requires parential involvement. As I stated :

"A child needs solid foundation that he can rely upon. And that foundation starts with parents being there for their children, even if that requires one less car, one less holiday, one less purchase, or less available means for financing unnecessary luxury purchases. That (lacking parential involvement) is the real cause of the mentioned problem in my opinion !"

:rolleyes:

·

I have to say that as a mother I'm doing everything I can to prepare my kids to make good choices in their lives. Will they always do what I say, definitely not, some things must be learned from first hand experience, trial and error.

Having said that, I talk to them, let them know that they can talk to me about anything, everything, no matter what. Will I get mad, I'm sure I will, but I will listen and I will give them support. My hope, when they are about to do something they hear my voice in their head and hopefully they listen to it.

I was no angel when I was younger, but it wasn't because I had bad parents, in fact, I had wonderful parents, couldn't have asked for better. They were supportive, loving, kind and caring. I pulled the wool over their eyes many times, I wish I could take it all back, but what's done is done. I got lucky, others weren't so lucky.

What I'm trying to say with this thread, well, teens today don't seem to know anything about the consequences of sex. We recently had a teen ask if she could become pregnant because she and her boyfriend had oral sex. We have tons of teens that think that the "pull out" method works. Were is sex education? Do we really think that teaching abstinence in schools is going to work? I think that the proof is in the pudding, maybe the educators should come on this site and see how well their teaching is working.

Sorry, vent, just answered another "Could I be pregnant" thread, it's getting old fast. :(

Exactly what I have been saying. Sex education in schools seems to have gotten to be something the schools condone and encourage, They push it in the classrooms and keep the parents in the dark encouraging them to not inform their parents.

Exactly what I have been saying. Sex education in schools seems to have gotten to be something the schools condone and encourage, They push it in the classrooms and keep the parents in the dark encouraging them to not inform their parents.


Yes I agree there Nohelp... I must be getting old because when I was at school, you just didn't mention sex openly, there was lots of sniggering behind the toilets kind of thing, but that was it.

Now it's talked about like an every day occurrence, it's deemed to be cool if you do it especially with the latest hot guy on the scene. Many kids come in where I work majority with babies, they can't be any older than 14/15, their mates laughing and joke around even to the point of taking the babies into the local pub which is now open 24 hours, a baby these days seems to be a street cred' thing.They drag it along like it's the latest fashion accessary, never any mention of the Dad though I notice.

I know society moves onwards and upwards but as far as this issue is concerned not for the better.
I always thought a sexual relationship was private between 2 people who love each other, But it seems it's just something else on offer after a night on the town... ok call me old fashioned but I find that really sad.


Bye for now

I'm not quite sure what the answer is. I am not even sure if there is a rise in teenanger pregancy. Perhaps it's just more noticeable now, I don't know.

My mom had 5 girls and let me tell you, none of us got pregnant or even had sex to we were well out of the house. Mom would go on and on and on, and most times I hand no clue what in the God's name she was talking about.

We didn't have sex ed in school. But if I were a parent, frankly, I would not want to leave that subject up to them. I would want to be the one to teach my young girl the value of her body, and if it were my son, I would teach him to value girls and all that goes with it.

Thankfully I was so shy during those years, the last thing on my mind was sex with a boy.
I had so much preaching in my head between Mom and school, and I saw the sad results of when girls did get pregnant, and the anquish they suffered, I just didn't get why girls so young would put themselves in such a position.

Mom was the best birth control that I needed and I don't think it would have had the same impact if I got it in school. She clearly stated how she felt about young girls having such and that part of it I did understand. Her methods may have been harsh, but all 5 of us got the message and adhered to her warnings.

If I were a parent, quite frankly, I want the teachings coming from home, and I would be furious if they gave my child a condomn or some other sort of birth control. That is not their job, that would be mine and mine alone. Their job is to teach, math, science and the like, morals and personal responsibility have to start and be taught in the home.

I will say in high school they showed us a production about abortion and it was horrifying, but that's the closest they came to any type of sex ed. And quite frankly, after all these years, that teaching still is implanted in my mind and heart.

I also remember going to parties, and my girlfriends who were dating, and soon as they left the room, their boyfriends were canvasing the other girls in the room, as that is what young boys do, with those hormones raging. I would sit there and think, you've got to be kidding me. And that pretty much turned me off as I could see what Mom meant at that point " Boys at that age are really only interested in one thing". That may not be entirely true, but it was enough for me to say, "Sorry, I am just too valuable for you to want to use because you can't think straight".

Yes i agree there Nohelp.....i must be getting old because when i was at school, you just didn't mention sex openly, there was lots of sniggering behind the toilets kind of thing, but that was it.

Now it's talked about like an every day occurrence, it's deemed to be cool if you do it especially with the latest hot guy on the scene. Many kids come in where i work majority with babies, they can't be any older than 14/15, their mates laughing and joke around even to the point of taking the babies into the local pub which is now open 24 hours, a baby these days seems to be a street cred' thing.They drag it along like it's the latest fashion accessary, never any mention of the Dad though i notice.

I know society moves onwards and upwards but as far as this issue is concerned not for the better.
I always thought a sexual relationship was private between 2 people who love each other, But it seems it's just something else on offer after a night on the town.........ok call me old fashioned but i find that really sad.

Bye for now

I agree it is not always for the better. Sex education is a lot of indoctrinating kids to look at sex as nothing more than an urge to follow with protection. They start them out way early putting condoms of produce and telling them basically in so many words 'if it feels good (to the both of you) do it'

Are you people kidding?

Sex education in the schools these days has so little to do with protection it's not even funny. The "Abstinence based" education is an absolute failure--not because the schools are teaching "if it feels good, protect yourself and do it" but because they're doing the opposite "don't do it! don't do it! don't do it!"

As far as I'm concerned, it should be a JOINT effort--both the schools and the parents. The schools should teach the most up to date forms of birth control and EXACTLY how they're used, along with the side effects. Schools should also be the ones to give the statistics on STDs, and the symptoms of them. The reason I say the schools for these things is that it's easier to get that sort of information to schools than to all of the parents in the school.

The MORAL aspect of sex ed--WHY you shouldn't have sex before whenever (whether that's marriage, or age 18, or "you're out of my house")--should be up to the parent. I absolute do NOT want schools to teach my kids morals, and I'll admit it's because I don't want my kids grounded solely in Christian morals which tend to be limiting in many ways. I plan to teach my kids by EXAMPLE why it's good to respect your body, and to understand what the consequences are to living in my home if they come home pregnant.

The problem isn't really the schools or the parents, you know.

The problem is that these girls KNOW they can afford to keep their babies if they get pregnant. WIC and food stamps and subsidized housing, and free day care while they're in school and scholarships for college--hell, who Wouldn't want to get pregnant young and get all that stuff when you're starting, rather than waiting until you're older and have to pay for it all by yourself?

Honestly--it's not that sex and pregnancy by teens is really any higher than it used to be (I've got that stats for that somewhere), but the rate of unmarried teens giving birth has gone up from 15% to 75% since 1960 (got that from the CDC http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/reprint/283/3/326.pdf ), but honestly---I wonder if the rate of happy marriages has changed in that time? I know MY parents love each other, but they also got married because they "had to" when my mom got pregnant with me. So do we go back to people HAVING to get married when they get pregnant, and stop making divorce so easy to get? I mean, you didn't have as many unplanned pregnancies OR as many abortions OR as many single moms in 1960!

So... is the solution to just make it harder to walk away from the person you're having sex with?

Are you people kidding?
It seems so... Sex education at many - if not most - schools is in validity similar to the Roman Catholic Church telling believers that you should have sex only after you are married : totally unrealistic.

At least schools should educate the pupils from the most recent and possible realistic views, though of course include clear moral and ethical considerations in their lessons just as well.

:)

The sex education I've received from my middle school and high school actually all focused a lot on birth control, and we didn't really talk about abstinence. Like, the teachers told us what it was but we focused so much on different forms of birth control.

I remember in grade 9 (3 years ago) everyone had to write detailed reports on almost every form of birth control like the male/female condom, the pill, the IUD, Depo-Provera, the patch, the one that looked like matchsticks in the arm (hmm I actually forgot the name), permanent methods etc. We had to know all the side effects and pros and cons of each type. We also wrote essays on topics such as "Even though Depo-Provera is the most effective form of birth control, why isn't it used as widely?" We were definitely informed about safe sex. We did the condom on the cucumber thing as well. The teacher also showed us TONS of videos on STD's that really disgusted everyone, like penises with fungus and warts. The birth videos of a baby coming out of a real vagina was scary as well. There were also a lot of projects involving case scenarios of teens approached with problems involving sex and we had to write long paragraphs on how he/she should solve the issue along with the consequences.

That sex ed probably did somewhat help because I've never encountered a pregnant teen in any of my schools or know any. I don't think the media has affected people in my school much since here in Canada almost all shows we see on T.V. are American and many of us do think they're cooler than us! Anyway, a lot of people in my school joke about sex all the time but it's actually a really big deal when someone actually has been involved in something sexual. Like I know a lot of people would be like "O_O She's touched a penis?! Wow I can never look at her the same way again!!" I don't know, I mean maybe people keep quiet about having sex but I know it is definitely not something they are proud of. Most guys I know are turned off by girls who aren't virgins.

As you can see on my other posts, I am against teen sex all the way. I've never had sex but I've actually had nightmares of being pregnant two times and it was so horrible. I can't imagine how it would be like if it was in real life. I am a teen myself (well for two more years) and I can't imagine myself being a mother in any way, even during the next few years when I'm in university. I'm really glad that my boyfriend of 4+ years and I haven't been involved in anything like that, and we want to keep it that way until we're out of university. Well, maybe a bit earlier since I'll be like 30 by then.

I'm surely not an expert but from what I've experienced, enforcing abstinence too much doesn't seem like a good idea. My health teachers always say things like "We can't stop them, so if they're gonna do it anyways, it's better if they do it and remain STDless and babyless."

Did you say that you had unprotected sex and might be pregnant? Then you stated later that you are here to tell all teens not to have unprotected sex... hmmm, OK then.

Well the message is a good one. Having unprotected sex is stupid. You just need to be on contraception like birth control and then you have no worries. Just be prepared. If you think you want to have sex, get of b.c.'s. OR carry condoms... it's not just the dudes job to make sure you are "equipped", after all it's your body he's using atm. Hopefully he'll still love you after he's through.

Girls have sex for different reasons than boys. Girl do it for love... boys do not. Boys do it for sex. Sex feels good... and boys are horny little bastards... with one thing on their minds. If you do decide to go through w/ having sex as a teen, just do it for selfish reasons and don't be blind... anything can happen once it's over. You may not always like the results. Try to be a new teen... like 13-14.. because that's gross!

Did you say that you had unprotected sex and might be pregnant? Then you stated later that you are here to tell all teens not to have unprotected sex...hmmm, ok then.
Well the message is a good one. Having unprotected sex is stupid. You just need to be on contraception like birth control and then you have no worries. Just be prepared. If you think you want to have sex, get of b.c.'s. OR carry condoms...it's not just the dudes job to make sure you are "equipped", after all it's your body he's using atm. Hopefully he'll still love you after he's through.

Girls have sex for different reasons than boys. Girl do it for love...boys do not. Boys do it for sex. Sex feels good...and boys are horny little bastards...with one thing on their minds. If you do decide to go through w/ having sex as a teen, just do it for selfish reasons and don't be blind...anything can happen once it's over. You may not always like the results. Try to be a new teen...like 13-14..cuz that's gross!

SweetDee, did you even read her post? She is a virgin and plans to keep it that way. She's had nightmares about being pregnant, she isn't pregnant, no chance of that.

My suggestion SweetDee, read before you respond.

Also, calling all boys "horny little bastards" well, that's insulting. Not all boys are only after one thing, in fact, I've met allot of young men on this site and in person that are waiting for love, so please, don't lump everyone into one group.

New teen? What?

This whole post made me cringe. :(

SweetDee, you clearly did not read my post well. I don't get what you meant by "try to be a new teen".

Bubbletea, I don't understand that part either.

I think that you are doing just fine, and that waiting is a great idea. Too many teens nowadays don't respect the step to become sexually active, they don't understand the consequences, they treat it like a game. Well, if it is a game, it's russian roullette, and that's a very dangerous game indeed.

Keep doing what you're doing, because you're on the right track. :)

I know I'm a bit late on this thread but I just feel the need to post anyway...

I don't think the epidemic is based in schools or parental failure but the failure of society in general. We are all a product of our societies. Even if a teen goes to church every week and does their bible study there is still a very high risk that that teen, be it a girl or boy, have sex because in a lot of religions they teach you that god will forgive all your sins if you just ask. While I believe he will it's not an excuse or permission if you will for them to go out and have sex. Now as far as the parents go, typically in a two parent family with both working parents they don't have the time to have a stay at home parent and honestly with the economy the way it is who?? Can afford it? The schools teaching the kids sex ed. That really doesn't work either. I knew more about sex by the time they started teaching it than the older woman teaching the subject. There is a failure here and it's the failure of society and can't be blamed on any one person or group. While yes we learn good morals from our parents we also learn bad. I remember the mention of the 80's decade as being the decade where we see the most change. I think I know the reason for that. The children of that era had to grow up fast. They for the most part raised their parents. From my own personal experience I raised not only my siblings but my mother as well. As for a father figure... pick on. My mother was very heavily into drugs and brought home many men. I grew up quiet quickly... too quickly. I started having sex by the time I was 11. Not something I'm proud of but something that happened for a reason. Honestly I think that this reason is why this epidemic is hitting us now... I didn't feel loved... Yes, this is from my 11yr old memory. There was never anyone their to hear that I needed a hug... Never anyone there to be my shoulder when I had my heart broken... I turned sex into that love that I was missing. I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't get pregnant till I was 18. Now let me put this in perspective... We have at least one parent if not two working and busy with that. We have the horrible t.v. programming that our children are bombarded with. We have the larger classes and the less one on one time in the schools and all the budget cuts and the class cuts... Where are our children supposed to go for answers.. Church, yes they could... but then their *no offense here* is even the failure of our most trusted church leaders that have been lead astray... So where do the kids go? To each other, to the net... where with the wealth of information, most of it is wrong. So what do we do then? We start at home. We start from scratch. I didn't have a great example of parenthood growing up so I'm starting over... My mistakes are what my children will learn from. We have all failed. It's time to stop blaming others and look to the future... What can we change? How can we educate? How can we provide that shoulder that most don't have? These are just my thoughts and opinions... I'm sorry if I've offended anyone but I just couldn't sit here and read the accusations and not speak up. I hope for the sake of our children and grandchildren that we find a way to make some changes. As for me... I'm starting from scratch... I'm starting at home.

We could do a couple of things to stop the teen birth rate.

1. Go back to the old ways that you MARRIED when you knocked someone up/got knocked up, and you STAYED married, til death. Period. When people realize that they don't get the option of walking away from the other person if it "doesn't work out" and that your "happiness" has NOTHING to do with raising a kid, providing for the child is the most important thing--well, that's a pretty big incentive to keep your pants zipped.

2. Mandatory birth control, both male and female, starting at age 10, and proceding until you can pass a test proving you'd be able to provide for a child AND would be a decent parent.

3. Get rid of all Welfare programs. If you had the choice of watching your child starve or choosing adoption--well, a whole bunch of "poor, infertile couples who desperately want to raise a baby" would get that chance.

Are you kidding me? Seriously?. Go back to the old ways that you MARRIED when you knocked someone up/got knocked up, and you STAYED married, until death? I got pregnant at seventeen, and the boy that got me pregnant was my entire life for three years prior to the conception of my baby. If I had married him, my child would end up with a horrible life. There is no reason to get married that young. If you're in love with the person than you can wait until you're at least 18. Finding out I was pregnant was the best thing that ever happened to me. I realized that my boyfriend at the time was complete scum and that if I stayed with him, my child and I would have to suffer for the rest of our lives. She would have grown up watching us fight constantly, never ever happy. Is that really how you think kids should be brought up?

And getting rid of welfare programs is completely unfair to the unfortunate mothers who had jobs but were let go and end up being poor. Are you trying to say that lower class people should not have the luxury of having families? Are you trying to tell me that you think anyone who can't afford a family should wither and die alone? You are ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong, I completely agree that too many teens are getting pregnant. I think SOMETHING should be done to stop this. But, I think that everything YOU said, It completely moronic. Sorry.

I'm 17 and a senior in high school, a tiny tiny high school... the high school in the town over has over 20 pregnant, or already given birth girls (the ratio is something like 1:35). And my school has had 4 (the ratio is something like 1:75). It's disgusting, the amount of girls getting pregnant at such a young age. I just don't get it. They make condoms and pills, why aren't they using them more? And, I wish that our school would allow the sex education teachers to teach about birth control, we all can't be abstinent, as much as people wish for it to be that way.

Bural, you do realize that even birth control isn't 100% effective, even if you use the pill and a condom, you could still become pregnant.

In other words, if you don't want a baby, don't have sex, it's as simple as that. :)

Bural, you do realize that even birth control isn't 100% effective, even if you use the pill and a condom, you could still become pregnant.

In other words, if you don't want a baby, don't have sex, it's as simple as that. :)

I understand, completely. However, we as teenagers should at least know our options shall we choose to engage in sex.

Altenweg, are you actually trying to say that you think all teenagers should be abstinent? Cause I've read a lot of your posts from this topic, and I thought you wanted to find a way to help teenage girls so that they would not become pregnant, but if you really think telling them to stay abstinent is going to work, you're full of yourself. I'm not trying to be a , but it's the truth.

Pringles. I'm full of myself? Why, because I actually care about these teens? Yes I want to help teens not get pregnant. You do realize that the only way to prevent pregnancy 100% is abstinence, right?

Stick around, read some of the pregnancy threads, the teen threads, maybe then you'll realize why I'm concerned.

Most of the teens that come to this site are sleeping with a different guy every night, or more than one. They think it's all a game, until they're pregnant, then they come here asking for advice. Too late, the buns in the oven, nothing we can do now.

Sex education is a joke. And yes, birth control is better than nothing at all. If only teens could be trusted to use it all the time. Another thing we get a lot of. "I'm on the pill, but I forgot to take it for 5 days, and my boyfriend and I had sex and he didn't use a condom. Can I get pregnant?" I've got news for you, even if you had taken your pill regularly and used a condom, you could still get pregnant, but yes, missing your pills has definitely increased the odds.

I was a very promiscuous teen, but I got lucky. Today's teens seem to be worse than I was back in the day, which is pretty darn scary.

So, yes, abstinence is the only sure fire way of preventing pregnancy and STD's. A 14 year old has no business having sex, no matter how "protected" they are.

If you don't want a baby or an STD, then don't have sex. It's really that simple.

If you want to do adult things, then you better be ready for adult consequences.

I'm moronic for making people actually take the consequences for their actions?

YOU are obviously from the newest generation of adults if you think that people shouldn't have to!

I, too, got pregnant at 17 to a guy that was my whole world for 3 years. I, too, realized that there was no future with this guy, and that really--I was in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship (cutting me off from friends and family, calling me names, setting the blame for everything on me, etc).

*I* chose adoption. *I* chose to get away from that guy, and to not be a burden on my family (who could not afford to have another mouth to feed) or on society (who really shouldn't pay the penalty for MY mistakes). I also knew that there was no way I wanted my child growing up in the lower class area I grew up in, and never having new clothes that didn't come from charity, and never having toys that didn't come from an Adopt-a-family Christmas package---I chose to give my child a better life than that. And THEN I went on to make a better life for myself.

NOW--I'm unable to get pregnant. I gave away the only chance at having a child I'll ever have. I don't regret it, though it makes me very sad at times. The REASON I don't regret it is that it made me grow up very fast getting pregnant with her, and making choices that involved her whole LIFE in just the 9 months I was pregnant---but because of that, she and I BOTH had better lives than we would have if I'd've kept her.

YES, teens should have to make those tough choices---and NO, Welfare shouldn't be an option that's as easy as it is.

My sister has 5 kids from an extremely abusive marriage. Since he's in jail, there's no child support, and since her family is all hours away from her (she stayed in our hometown, and my parents and I have had to leave because of employment), she's extremely pressed for money each month to make ends meet. Without Welfare, she wouldn't be able to make it. Period. She's also an extreme case--and she STILL tries to depend more on herself and her church before ASKING for help from the state each month. She ALSO had her kids during a marriage, AFTER she was out of high school and had a job and all that jazz.

So yes--unemployed, underaged women who get pregnant SHOULD have to live with that, whether that means they get nothing but medical care for their child from the state, and EVERYTHING else comes out of pocket, even if that means 3 jobs and no time with the child, or marriage to the guy that was FINE to have sex with but not so great for marrying so that he's forced to help with that burden as well, or choosing to give their child to someone better equipped mentally and financially to raise a child through adoption.

I'm just tired of paying for stupid little girls who can't follow the directions on their birth control or who were too busy passing notes in sex ed to pay attention to have kids, when there's no WAY the taxpayers would front the $20-$60k for me to get pregnant through IVF. Why SHOULD we pay for those kids? Adoption is a perfectly viable option for people who can't afford their kids, and there are tens of thousands of people waiting ot adopt.

And please--I know how hard it is to place the child you love into someone else's arms, so let's not go with the "unloving witch" attack when you respond, hmmmm? I think it's more a matter of how strong you are, not a matter of how much you love your child.

Teens think they are invincible. It's the same reason they engage in other reckless behavior like drugs, sneaking out of the house, etc. They think, "It won't happen to me" And honestly, for most it doesn't. Most teens who engage in such reckless activities escape harm and turn out a-ok in their adult life. That's not to say their activities should be condoned, but it certainly helps with your world view when you and all your friends are having sex and doing drugs and nothing bad happens.

I blame parents, by the way. It all starts at home... (in most cases, anyway)

I do have to agree with you on the parents being to blame. I myself when threw a really tough time as a teenager I got pregnant at 15 was kicked out and living on my own at sixteen and in that time I did a lot of stupid things. What I did cost me custody of my son and to this day I'm still fighting for him. For a while I blamed my home life the fact that my moms an alcoholic and my dads a drug addict, but when I sit and think, I'm the one that made the path I was on no one else. I'm the only person to blame for what I did and these teenagers should be to. There parents are not making them have sex let alone unprotected sex. There not making them do drugs, and there not making them drink. These kids need to take responsibility for there actions and stop blaming other people. And your right teenagers do seem to think that there invincible but it's us adults that need to show them that its not OK to do what there doing and to try and help them make the right decision.
I don't know how anyone else feels about this but I feel that we need to set better examples for our own children and maybe they won't make the mistakes that we have made.

The parents are part of the problem. I was talking to a woman I know the other day and she was saying how she had to sign a form for her daughter to have a sex ed class at school. She said she didn't want strangers talking to her children about sex, because they would also be talking about same sex relationships. I ask her what she had told her daughter about sex and her answer was the same thing my mom told me. "If you bring a baby home you're out of here". Needless to say I had no further comments for her.

All I have to say to parents is the more you forbid something the more they want it. There is always going to be pressure from friends and it is better to educate than to forbid.

Hiya my name is Caprice I am 12and I've had sex without a condom about 5 times now . But my mum and dad made me get an implant so I don't get preagant but they still seid to use a condom so I won't catch anything , I do what a baby when I'm 15 and I don't care what anyone says or thinks about me I've allways wanted kids since the age off 9 but I only started having sex when I'm 12 my age now. I just want to say to all teen girls out there that even though I havant had a baby I have had a virtel baby are they put the level up to screaming and I felt like I was on my own and I went out shopping with it in a pushcair and it broke on me and the bags broke and I know how you teen mothers feel , it is hard work and I've seen on the internt about this girl aged 11 preagant and she smokes 20 fags a day and has been drinking cider and beer and stuff like that from the age off 9 and its bad , because lately people from the age of 10 ! Witch is horroring at that age , and getting preagant and keeping a baby , a child can not look arfter a child. And I think it can be there mother and fathers falut for letting there child smoke 20 fags a day and be 5 months preagant its just wrong and children shouldn't be having sex at there age. X love caprice x

Hiya my name is Caprice I am 12and I've had sex without a condom about 5 times now . But my mum and dad made me get an implant so I don't get preagant but they still seid to use a condom so I won't catch anything , I do what a baby when I'm 15 and I don't care what anyone says or thinks about me I've allways wanted kids since the age off 9 but I only started having sex when I'm 12 my age now. I just want to say to all teen girls out there that even though I havant had a baby I have had a virtel baby are they put the level up to screaming and I felt like I was on my own and I went out shopping with it in a pushcair and it broke on me and the bags broke and I know how you teen mothers feel , it is hard work and I've seen on the internt about this girl aged 11 preagant and she smokes 20 fags a day and has been drinking cider and beer and stuff like that from the age off 9 and its bad , because lately people from the age of 10 ! Witch is horroring at that age , and getting preagant and keeping a baby , a child can not look arfter a child. And I think it can be there mother and fathers falut for letting there child smoke 20 fags a day and be 5 months preagant its just wrong and children shouldn't be having sex at there age. X love caprice x
:o

Hiya my name is Caprice i am 12and ive had sex without a condom about 5 times now . but my mum and dad made me get an implant so i dont get preagant but they still seid to use a condom so i wont catch anything , i do what a baby when im 15 and i dont care what anyone says or thinks about me ive allways wanted kids since the age off 9 but i only started having sex when im 12 my age now. i just want to say to all teen girls out there that even though i havant had a baby i have had a virtel baby are they put the level up to screaming and i felt like i was on my own and i went out shopping with it in a pushcair and it broke on me and the bags broke and i know how you teen mothers feel , it is hard work and ive seen on the internt about this girl aged 11 preagant and she smokes 20 fags a day and has been drinking cider and beer and stuff like that from the age off 9 and its bad , because lately people from the age of 10 ! witch is horroring at that age , and getting preagant and keeping a baby , a child can not look arfter a child. and i think it can be there mother and fathers falut for letting there child smoke 20 fags a day and be 5 months preagant its just wrong and children shouldnt be having sex at there age. x love caprice x


While this thread is 2 years old, I just HAVE to respond to this.

Do you have ANY idea of the irony of your post?

YOU are a child! You shouldn't be having sex! You should most DEFINITELY not get pregnant at age 15! How will you support that child? YOUR mommy and daddy shouldn't be responsible for YOUR baby--do you have a job? Insurance? A car?

You're right---a child cannot look after a child, and children should not be having sex.

That's why most places have age of consent laws set to be at LEAST 16, and ADULTHOOD set at age 18.

When you're 18, you get to stop being a child.

Stop having sex, and FORGET the baby thing. You know absolutely NOTHING about it. Why tie yourself down before you've even lived?

Hiya my name is Caprice i am 12and ive had sex without a condom about 5 times now . but my mum and dad made me get an implant so i dont get preagant but they still seid to use a condom so i wont catch anything , i do what a baby when im 15 and i dont care what anyone says or thinks about me ive allways wanted kids since the age off 9 but i only started having sex when im 12 my age now. i just want to say to all teen girls out there that even though i havant had a baby i have had a virtel baby are they put the level up to screaming and i felt like i was on my own and i went out shopping with it in a pushcair and it broke on me and the bags broke and i know how you teen mothers feel , it is hard work and ive seen on the internt about this girl aged 11 preagant and she smokes 20 fags a day and has been drinking cider and beer and stuff like that from the age off 9 and its bad , because lately people from the age of 10 ! witch is horroring at that age , and getting preagant and keeping a baby , a child can not look arfter a child. and i think it can be there mother and fathers falut for letting there child smoke 20 fags a day and be 5 months preagant its just wrong and children shouldnt be having sex at there age. x love caprice x
:o

:: I'm speechless :: :eek:

I could say a million things, but I'm lost for words at the horror of it all.

Wowzer!

How can a 12 year old say that they really want a baby and they are responsible, yet then turn around in the same paragraph and say it's just wrong for children to have babies... What the... :confused:

Look I understand what you lot are saying but the thing is , your not me you havant been through things I have. Because I want a kid at 15 its because I don't want my child going though the hits and punches I get from my grandad who I live with. And he is dying and not trying to sound horrible but I can't what for him to die beause I've lived with him since I was 3 and gone though so much and I've allways been told to keep my mouth shut but now I can finely speak out and not be afried that he is going to hurt me. And the comments you have just seid are HURTFULL. And I've been going through depressoin and my uncle has just died arfter a gang jumped him and stabbed him and set him a light. Now please can you all stop saying hurtfull things to me x

Can you all stop saying hurtfull things and who ever you are Back off because if you can READ. Then read what I just put and your see what I've been going though and then you might understand why I want a chidl. All right.

Look. Can people PLEASE read what I put and PLEASE TRY and understand how it is for me what I'm going though then have people I don't ing now start saying hurtfull things , I odnt want to start an argument I was justing saying how it was from my point of view . I want to be friendly and friends with eeveryone I talk to on here , I don't like having argument about silly things . Just please people just try and see it from my point of view about having children . Like I seid I don't want to start an argument. Thank you Love Capricee xxx:mad:

Look I understand what you lot are saying but the thing is , your not me you havant been through things I have. Because I want a kid at 15 its because I don't want my child going though the hits and punches I get from my grandad who I live with. And he is dying and not trying to sound horrible but I can't what for him to die beause I've lived with him since I was 3 and gone though so much and I've allways been told to keep my mouth shut but now I can finely speak out and not be afried that he is going to hurt me. And the comments you have just seid are HURTFULL. And I've been going through depressoin and my uncle has just died arfter a gang jumped him and stabbed him and set him a light. Now please can you all stop saying hurtfull things to me x

What makes you think that you are physically, mentally, and emotionally able to raise a child at 15?

Why not get an EDUCATION, so that your child can have the best things in life, rather than have a child for YOU--that's just selfish.

Maybe I don't know where you're coming from, but believe me--you're just perpetuating the cycle if you don't take care of YOU, as an adult, before you bring a child into the world.

And again--how would you SUPPORT this child? Welfare? You cant' even get a JOB at 15 that pays better than minimum wage! That's not enough to support ONE person, much less one person and a baby!

Caprice, who is supposed to 'back off'? What exactly has been said to YOU that is 'hurtful'? Telling the truth is being honest not mean or hurtful.

Something to think about: having a baby should not be a means to get unconditional love. A baby is not a tool to use to prop up one's feelings about oneself.

If you don't love, like, and feel good about yourself, having a baby will only make those insecurities and negative feelings worse.

No one, not even a baby you gave birth to, can make you feel better about yourself. Self -confidence, -respect, -esteem, etc. has to come from inside YOU. If you don't believe in yourself, then no one else can especially any child you try to raise.

The reasons you stated are pretty much the opposite of a good environment to bring a baby up in.

Like Synnen and Cat said, how do you plan on taking care of this baby?
Do you expect other taxpayers to just hand you over your welfare money?
How do you plan on eventually getting a decent job when you have no education?
How do you plan on paying for your education if you do decide to continue at school?
How do you plan on paying for the babies, clothes, food, furniture, school fees etc etc when you are working a minimum wage job as well as having to pay for rent (you wouldn't be able to buy a house on such a low income) car payments, insurance, electricity, water, rates and taxes...

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but it's just a fact... children shouldn't be having babies when they are not ready... it's not fair on the baby.

Can you all stop saying hurtfull things and who ever you are Back off beacuse if you can READ. then read what i just put and your see what ive been going though and then you might understand why i want a chidl. Alright.

So you want a child that will complete you. Your potential child has a job.

You're not ready for a child, know how I know, because you have no idea what having a child entails.

Tell you what, you write down how much you think it will cost to care for a child every month. Factor in medical bills, diapers, clothes, medicine, furniture, food, everything. Then tell me how much you make per month, how much the rent is in the place you rent (or will rent) etc. etc.

Let's see if you're as mature as you claim.

We may not know you or have been through the things you have, but you don't know us either, and you haven't been through the things we have!

We're adults - you're a child. That's already the biggest difference - you haven't experienced working, being responsible and you haven't experienced being in a loving committed relationship - surely one of the things that you would want your child to be born into and experience?

What I do know is that we have a lot more life experience than you, and I can assure you that there are a couple of people on this thread that have been through much WORSE things than you!

Just because you've had a few difficult experiences in your SHORT life does not entitle you to bring a child into the world. What? You think that somehow this will make you happier?

The comments on this post are not hurtful - they are challenging you to think about the consequences of your actions. That's what grown ups try and do.

Look I understand were all you lot are coming from , but I'm not being funny or nuthin but sum off the stuff you lot is kind of hurt ful. I know I'm not an adult , but I'm just saying I want a child at 15 , its not hurting you lot is it? So can all of you kind off bad off a bit because I havant really done any thing wrong.
Err... Hello this is Caprice's Mum , yes I understand what you people are saying I don't arguee with Caprice and if she was preagnant at 15 I wouldn't be happy! And I would ask her to consider not having a child at 15 and to wait intill she had a job and husbond or a boyfreind who will stay and Help with the baby when she is like in her 20's , I know what she has seid and I now what all you lot have seid . I now were you are all coming from but please she is only 12 for god sake please don't start having a go at her. I have already spoke to her and she has changed her mind and is going to wait intill she has a job and someone who will stand by her. Thank you all off you for saying some of the nice things she has learnet now she is going to wait and she asked me to write to all off you saying " Im Sorry i understand now that im to young" Caprice has had problems with abuse and thing that I won't say but she is a Clever Girl at School and she is Hard working but she has allways wanted children young but she seid she is going to wait intill she is older. Oh 1 more thing Gemini54 you can't say to a 12 year old " can assure you that there are a couple of people on this thread that have been through much WORSE things than you!
SHE HAS BEEN THOUGH SO MUCH AND HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO MY DAUGHTER . YOU ARE RUDE AND NASTY AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOU SAYING THAT TO CAPRICE EVER EVER EVER AGEIN BEACUSE THAT IS HORRIBLE CAPRICE HAS BEEN THOUGH ABUSE SINCE THE AGE OF 5 AND I NEVER NEW ABOUT IT AND WHEN IT DID ALL COME OUT THE POILCE HAVANT EVEN DONE ENYTHING ABOUT IT AND HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!? OH AND" You think that somehow this will make you happier? " My Caprice Loves Children and she wantes to do ChildCare for when she leaves School . Sorry about hwta I'm going to say people But how ING DARE YOU SAY THAT YOU NASTY! If I were you I would say sorry to Caprice she was crying her eyes out tonight , Do you now how that feels! Probley Not because your just spritfull! From Tammy(Caprices Mum) Oh and I'm Telling the truth!

This thread is closed.

There is no point in arguing with you, and we actually had the BEST of intentions in trying to keep your daughter from being another teen statistic who thought something would make her happy that wouldn't.

If we didn't care about her welfare, we wouldn't have told her to wait, and given arguments on why she should.