cweddy9
Feb 20, 2008, 04:37 PM
Anybody out there for advice would be greatly appreciated.
To be honest I would never of thought I would be in this position 4 months ago, we had been travelling along really well for 4 years. During this time, we had fallen for each other extremely deeply- she was fresh out of school at Uni, and I am a year older. So in essence she hasn't been single for a long time.
Anyway, she was always wanting me to move in with her, she had given up a lot of her friends over the years despite me keeping my networks. I was the least clingy boyfriend, the first few years were hard as she brought a few problems into the relationship and sort of wanted me all to herself. In peoples eyes- if we were ever to break up , people thought it would be me (ego boost!).
The last year was really good, both going in the right direction- plans were being made for our future. Whilst the "spark" was a bit less, we both realised that we loved each other and that realistically the spark that was intense for the first 2 years was always going to subside.
Ok, so I had an opportunity to go away for 4 months- she was all for this as she new I wanted to do this. I was excited- but she ensured me that she wanted to stay together, I was happy with this. As I was away I had a terrible time, I was isolated and naturally my emotions were amplified. I missed her terribly, meanwhile she was back here having fun and meeting up with old firends- she also started a new job about 3 months prior which consumed her totally. I would ring her saying I was having a bad time and missed her. She had booked a flight over in December to come meet me in March and she was still going aorund to see the family- a family member passed whilst I was away so this didn't help either. Then mid Jan she flipped.
On the phone she said that she wanted me to have fun and I wasn't because I was always thinking about her- cop out. Then she said that she was confused and wanted time to herself. I thought there was someone else, however, she is so anti cheating and I know this girl, I spoke to her friends and they said there was no one else. I asked her, she cried and said she couldn't believe that I would say this to her. I got a flight back pretty much straight away because I thought I owed it to the relationship to try to mend it or end on good terms. She was upset that I came home 1) because she thought she ruined my holiday 2) she wanted to have space and be single.
I was only gone less then 3 months.
She is extremely independent, has a mortgage at 22 , dogs and a good career. She said she wants to have time to be single and enjoy something different. This has been completely soul destroying. She has said things like "i could marry you and be happy", "i could get back into a relationship with you and be happy but its not what I want". She is a big believer in soul mates and always said that I was, I asked her the other day if she still thoguht this she didn't reply.
When I met her she was shy and a closed book, she credits me for helping her grow into a confident person, however, I feel the time I needed her the most she has dropped me. She said that I have got her to a place- and she needs to do the next by herself (I feel slightly used actually). We were supposed to travel for about 5 weeks at the end of my trip, then move in together in May. This is not happening now. She said she loved me like a best friend- and she doesn't feel it. She is pretty confused but stubborn and once she makes her mind up she will push ahead. Her family are upset with her and are backing me up. But I don't want them to jam it down her throat.
The other week I wrote her an email and said we should cut ties for a while, because she is getting the best of both worlds- this guy who is in love with her (fall back) and doing her own thing. She stressed to me that she doesn't want another boyfriend. Is distance the best measure?
I am going back over in less then 2 weeks, this will be with my two best mates for about 5 weeks. She is still going over as planned, travelling by herself and doing a tour to meet people (yikes- I'm nervous about this one too, but she isn't one to hop in bed with any random). So there will be about 2 months of no contact.
I have to admit I feel a lot better at the moment, the first 4 weeks were so hard, I was depressed and didn't feel myself. I am getting better, good job offer and everything.Im trying to turn it around and ask if I really want this, and Im glad this hasn't happened 2 years down the track at the alter.
I plan to have coffee with her a day before I go, act happy and confident, tell her about the job and leave me in her mind that Im OK without her- is this a good option?
I know Im only 23, have a lot of life to live yet, but I feel that she is the one but having a quarter life crises so to speak in regards to me. She is complex and hasn't really spoken to many people about this- not even her parents.
Anyway I will push on, but always love this girl- friends would never work though.
Experiences, thoughts? I know this happens alot- i.e. the girl flipping out but I can't believe its happened to me.
Cheers guys
To be honest I would never of thought I would be in this position 4 months ago, we had been travelling along really well for 4 years. During this time, we had fallen for each other extremely deeply- she was fresh out of school at Uni, and I am a year older. So in essence she hasn't been single for a long time.
Anyway, she was always wanting me to move in with her, she had given up a lot of her friends over the years despite me keeping my networks. I was the least clingy boyfriend, the first few years were hard as she brought a few problems into the relationship and sort of wanted me all to herself. In peoples eyes- if we were ever to break up , people thought it would be me (ego boost!).
The last year was really good, both going in the right direction- plans were being made for our future. Whilst the "spark" was a bit less, we both realised that we loved each other and that realistically the spark that was intense for the first 2 years was always going to subside.
Ok, so I had an opportunity to go away for 4 months- she was all for this as she new I wanted to do this. I was excited- but she ensured me that she wanted to stay together, I was happy with this. As I was away I had a terrible time, I was isolated and naturally my emotions were amplified. I missed her terribly, meanwhile she was back here having fun and meeting up with old firends- she also started a new job about 3 months prior which consumed her totally. I would ring her saying I was having a bad time and missed her. She had booked a flight over in December to come meet me in March and she was still going aorund to see the family- a family member passed whilst I was away so this didn't help either. Then mid Jan she flipped.
On the phone she said that she wanted me to have fun and I wasn't because I was always thinking about her- cop out. Then she said that she was confused and wanted time to herself. I thought there was someone else, however, she is so anti cheating and I know this girl, I spoke to her friends and they said there was no one else. I asked her, she cried and said she couldn't believe that I would say this to her. I got a flight back pretty much straight away because I thought I owed it to the relationship to try to mend it or end on good terms. She was upset that I came home 1) because she thought she ruined my holiday 2) she wanted to have space and be single.
I was only gone less then 3 months.
She is extremely independent, has a mortgage at 22 , dogs and a good career. She said she wants to have time to be single and enjoy something different. This has been completely soul destroying. She has said things like "i could marry you and be happy", "i could get back into a relationship with you and be happy but its not what I want". She is a big believer in soul mates and always said that I was, I asked her the other day if she still thoguht this she didn't reply.
When I met her she was shy and a closed book, she credits me for helping her grow into a confident person, however, I feel the time I needed her the most she has dropped me. She said that I have got her to a place- and she needs to do the next by herself (I feel slightly used actually). We were supposed to travel for about 5 weeks at the end of my trip, then move in together in May. This is not happening now. She said she loved me like a best friend- and she doesn't feel it. She is pretty confused but stubborn and once she makes her mind up she will push ahead. Her family are upset with her and are backing me up. But I don't want them to jam it down her throat.
The other week I wrote her an email and said we should cut ties for a while, because she is getting the best of both worlds- this guy who is in love with her (fall back) and doing her own thing. She stressed to me that she doesn't want another boyfriend. Is distance the best measure?
I am going back over in less then 2 weeks, this will be with my two best mates for about 5 weeks. She is still going over as planned, travelling by herself and doing a tour to meet people (yikes- I'm nervous about this one too, but she isn't one to hop in bed with any random). So there will be about 2 months of no contact.
I have to admit I feel a lot better at the moment, the first 4 weeks were so hard, I was depressed and didn't feel myself. I am getting better, good job offer and everything.Im trying to turn it around and ask if I really want this, and Im glad this hasn't happened 2 years down the track at the alter.
I plan to have coffee with her a day before I go, act happy and confident, tell her about the job and leave me in her mind that Im OK without her- is this a good option?
I know Im only 23, have a lot of life to live yet, but I feel that she is the one but having a quarter life crises so to speak in regards to me. She is complex and hasn't really spoken to many people about this- not even her parents.
Anyway I will push on, but always love this girl- friends would never work though.
Experiences, thoughts? I know this happens alot- i.e. the girl flipping out but I can't believe its happened to me.
Cheers guys