My girlfriend and I broke up 3 days ago. We are in our early 20s. We go to the same school and have the same friends. The thing is, I made the ultimate mistake. I developed my entire life around her. I have a few friends (3 - 4) that I hang out with on occasion. But my day includes: classes, work, dinner with her, rest of the night with her. The days she isn't with me (when she hangs out with her friends) I am hanging out with mine. Truth is, she has more friends than me and she goes out more than I do... mainly because when she goes out, I have other things to do such as clean my apartment, laundry, go grocery shopping, other errands. So yeah. My bad on that.

In the 3 years we have been together, we have never fought. We have had small arguments here and there, but nothing big at all. No yelling, no hitting, nothing. We get along extremely well to the point her friends envy our relationship. Hell, her relatives envy our relationship.

The Breakup

The past week, she has been really stressed due to exams and competition (she is the captain of a certain team). So when she seemed a bit off, I just brushed it off. Over the weekend, I got a call from a (guy) friend of hers that she collapsed and was in the ER. I went there, found out she was just exhausted from stress. I took her home, took care of her, stayed up all night and made sure she ate, slept, etc. Next day, I take her back to her place, drop her off, and I went out to get some food for her. I come back and she is surrounded by her friends. No biggie... cept that she somewhat shafted me for her friends when I got back. So I left, I had things to do... but I don't get a call from her until 1am. This is very unusual as she usually calls me 3 - 4 times a day.. but again, I brushed it off... she just got back from the hospital. She's tired. She's around her friends.

Next day, I ask her what's going on... why things have been happening in the manner that it has. She tells me that she herself has no idea why. She has noticed that as well, but had no clue. She wanted to take winter break (which was coming in 2 weeks) to find out what was wrong, but now that I brought it up, she wanted to take a break. I asked, what kind? She said, the kind where we talk and hang out, but we're not a couple. I immediately thought, bad idea. I suggested that we break up. So we break up.

Didn't sleep that night.

Post break up.

Day 1 of BU (breakup), I find myself constantly checking phone/e-mail/etc. I don't call. I just check. I am told by my friend that she has at least 4 people with her at a given time... she is not allowed to be left alone. Apparently, she is a train wreck. I feel bad. I don't do anything. Later, I walk out of the lib and find her walking with a guy that I was suspicious of... and she knew that I was. I call her, and she explains that he's been assigned by a friend to walk with her... apparently they take turns walking with her. Fine.

I asked for a reason why we broke up. She said that she needs time to think. Someone should make a t-shirt out of that phrase. I've had bad breakups before. I know it sucks for a while. I expected it, but not during finals week. This f-ing blows. Can't study.

However, I am doing what sdjosh, samesame, mackenzie, etc are saying on here. NO CONTACT. I knew that. I don't initiate contact. Drives me crazy, but I do it.

Day 2 of BU. She decided that she is going to call me... everyday. She even said so. She said that she'll call me until I tell her not to. Ball in my court. Another t-shirt idea. I tell her that I will not call her. 4 hours later, I call her asking an innocuous question (I was curious to know the answer!! ) about her friend. That is all. We haven't talked since.

I hear that she's still a train wreck from my friends. Doesn't eat. Doesn't sleep. My idea is that she wants to take winter break to think about things. At this point, I'm hitting the gym. Working on me. I'm doing everything I can to stay busy.

I will see her two more times in the next week (1: mutual friend's birthday is this week... so dinner. 2: we are meeting up this weekend to give each other some stuff back that we've left at each other's places)

My question is...

What do I tell her about the calling me daily thing? Granted, I love the fact that she calls me everyday. I wait for it. When she does call me, I act like an a-hole and I am very cold/distant. But should I just simply say, don't call me? I was planning on not calling her at all. Maybe txting her on christmas to say merry christmas or new year's... but is THAT even wrong? Help?

Disclaimer: I just read the post... it seems like she's somewhat of a jerk... but really, I just don't have the patience and the energy to type every little detail about us. Trust me, we treat each other equally in affection and respect. She is very sweet. I want to say that I'm in somewhat of the same boat as everyone else here... cept that she just makes it clear that she wants to take some time off, only reason she didn't want me to wait for her was that it'd be unfair for me. So yeah.

She is confused, and its making you confused. It may be a simple as she is doing too much, and needs to arrange a lighter schedule, or she wants to move in another direction, or make changes. She sounds very popular, and I can see her being pulled in many directions and her collapse tells me she can't do it, physically, but she tries. So in all that she gives you up. If your going to go no contact, then stop taking her calls. Let her straighten out her own issues, so be unavailable for the small talk, and false hope.

Hi sneeze
Sorry for your predicament sounds very confusing , I have seen this so many times on this site. I would say she has been thinking about this for some time as they usually have. So I think best thing for you to do is do the NC as you say your doing , this means no phone calls , texts , messaging etc. If she wants you she knows where you are , but I believe you say , you can either have all of me or none. Put the ball in her court and make her choose. If you agree to the calling everyday thing you are just playing into her hands and that is she will have her guilt eased because you will always be there for her even though she doesn't necessarily want to be with you.

Read the link at the bottom of my signature to see the common downfalls of dumpees.

Makes sense. I figured as much, just wanted some confirmation. It is true, she is very busy. She's not very popular, but she's one of those "really nice people" that tries to please everyone, and for that, everyone loves her. Really, she's just nice to a fault.

Obviously, I don't want to "not talk to her" tomorrow at dinner, so I will. It's a very intimate dinner with just 4 - 5 close friends, and I'd rather not make things extremely uncomfortable. But I will just do small talk.

This weekend, when we are giving each other our stuff back, I will then talk to her about 100% no contact.

I am doing just fine. I have been making plans with friends and having dinner with them. I am able to study, although I get distracted every 15 min or so, I am chugging along. I am hitting the gym hard right before I go to sleep so that by the time I go to bed, I am completely exhausted.

She called me today just to see how I was doing. It was a 2 min conversation, and 1 min into it, she started to cry again. Made me feel like an , but I did OK.

I agree with both answers. She has been thinking of it for a while (roughly 2 months), and she is doing too much. We'll see.

My plan is: I will just do what I do, and I will let her think over winter break (roughly 1 month). 2 things can happen:

1. She calls me, she wants to get back with me. At this point, I will make a decision based on how I feel... not 100% sure I want to get back with her. Mainly because she might be wanting to get back with me for the sheer loneliness. I don't want that.

2. We both get over each other, and we move on. I'm OK with that.

I hope everyone else in this situation is doing all right. Wish everyone the best of luck.

Well you definitely seem to have your head around this pretty well. I wish you luck and keep us posted.

I agree, its time to move on, both of you.

Wow! You sound like a total delight! I love your t-shirt comments and the fact that you are really sticking to the NC thing. Now, if only I were a few decades younger...

@ Wondergirl: how old could you possibly be? Age ain't nuthin but a number... ;)

On a more serious note, as I mentioned prev, we have mutual friends. Actually, most of our friends are the same... they're just closer to her than they are with me... mainly because they're mostly girls. And girls stick together! Right. Anyway, went to coffee with one of them just to take a break from studying. Found out she's not doing too hot. Crying every hour or so, mentioning my name every 20 min in some story that's happened in the past.

Disclaimer: I don't want her to feel bad. This doesn't make me feel good. Some guys usually feel good about this, like YEAH, SHE MISSES ME! I don't. I'd rather her not be sad at all. I know how she feels about me. I don't need her to cry to let me know she's sad.

Anyway, I just ask my friend to take care of her and make sure she eats/sleeps/get her studying done. Nothing more I can do.

I just reread my posts. I got to make something clear: I miss her like hell. I'm a science major on a pre-med route... so I suck at conveying my emotions into writing. Don't get me wrong. I miss her. I think of her constantly. Regardless, I think I'm taking the right steps. My friend asked me, "Aren't you taking a huge risk by not calling her? She thinks you hate her because you don't talk to her."

I was at a loss for words when she asked me that, mainly because whatever answer I gave, I knew she would tell my ex girlfriend. I replied, "I don't hate her. I just need some time off. She needed time, and I realized that I needed time too. I'm taking this day by day." Hopefully that'll do. Seems like a political spin on the answer... didn't answer her question at all.

Anyway, I'm just writing here now because I'm bored and I'm tired of studying. Taking a break. How's everyone doing?

Well sneeze seeing as your asking I'm doing good , I've been there done that. But you really seem to have this under control , and good on you. It's never easy and you just need to read a lot of the posts on here to realise how many people are suffering. But hey once you've conquered this make sure you stay and help other people

I may be to old to understand, but listening to her friend may not be the most reliable thing to do, and it sounds as if your g/f needs a lot more than a b/f.

I may be to old to understand, but listening to her friend may not be the most reliable thing to do, and it sounds as if your g/f needs a lot more than a b/f.


I'm not sure what that means... could you clarify?

She just called me this morning to see how I was doing. Again, I answered short answers, keeping the conversation to about a minute. My main point of the conversation is to let her know that I'm still alive, but that's about it. I can't initiate 100% NC until this weekend when we meet up to give each other our things back. Will keep update.

Friends mean well, but often don't know all the facts. They are often to close, and form opinions based on one side of the story.

Just found out today that she's been hanging with this one kid. It's that one kid that I was suspicious of before we broke up. Apparently they talk on the phone at night, text each other, and they study together. I know I'm not supposed to give a crap... but it's a bit hard to study when I think of this kid. I've asked her about him after our breakup, and she said that they're just friends. Just to give a profile of this kid... he's somewhat of a d-bag. Not just because he's spending time with my ex, but I've thought that before we even broke up. He's a bit moody (he'll text my girlfriend and tell her he can't make it to practice--she is the captain of the team) and then 20 min later, he'll text her and ask her if she's mad because he can't come. He's also flirty. I've mentioned my reservations of him to her when we were dating and after we broke up.

My question is... in my opinion, my ex wouldn't initiate contact with this kid. But she's nice enough that if he asks to come over to study, she won't say no. do I have the right to talk to her? Or better yet, should I confront this kid? Or better yet, do I have the right to cause physical harm to this kid?

The answer to all your questions is NO, NO, NO! Its none of your business, not your concern, and she doesn't need a knight in shining armour, to rescue her from herself. Nice try, but mind your own business.

Damn. I was really hoping someone would say YES YOU CAN HIT HIM. c'mon. At least a little bit? OK, what if he gives me a look that just pisses me off?

Just spoke with a friend of mine... he knows the new guy. Apparently, he's just very metro. Doesn't really have guy friends... mostly all girls. He's "that guy". Apparently sleeps over girls' places and nothing ever happens. So... yeah. Not really threatened by the kid, but just annoyed.

I broke NC. Not sure if this is a legit reason... but to me, it was. So she checks her e-mail at my place when she's here, and the comp does the "auto complete" thing where it types her e-mail addy in the blank. I didn't even see her e-mail addy and just typed my password in several times, and it locked her account. So I txted her to tell her the situation, and she said that it works just fine, and no harm done.

Then she called me, and she continued to try and talk to me. Asked me how my studying was going, how my life is, if I'm eating well, etc. also asked me about dinner tomorrow and where're we going, and how much is it going to cost, etc. I replied short answers.

She then asked me if her calling bothers me. At this point, I really don't want dinner tomorrow to be awkward. It's just 5 people. So yeah... any amount of tension will be noticed. So I told her that I'd talk to her this weekend.

We're meeting up Saturday morning, to have some breakfast, give each other our stuff, and just have a short talk about what's going to happen. I'm going to ask for 100% NC.

Kind of sucks. Day 1 was ridic hard. Miserable. Day 2, I was fine. Rough, but a whole lot better. Just today, I find out that this kid's hanging around a lot... etc. back to day 1... with a touch of pissed off-ness.

Spoke to a friend of mine... he's very unbiased, blunt. He said that when she says I NEED SOME TIME... SOME SPACE... it means there's another guy. But anyone who knows my girlfriend knows that there can't be another guy. Like, she's just... not like that... at all. I'm her first boyfriend. Ever. So I don't know. But then again, I'm biased. So tell me what you guys think?

Mostly girls. I want to know: when you tell a guy I NEED SOME TIME... I NEED SOME SPACE TO THINK ABOUT THIS... SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT... CAN WE TAKE A MONTH OFF TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.. does that mean that you really have another guy? Or do you actually mean that sometimes?

In my experiences and from what I see on this board , the "want space" thing generally means she has thought about this for a while and if she can't give you a reason , well sorry yes the possibility of another guy is a real possibility. I'm not saying that's the case but yeah possible for sure.

Dam friend4u178 - now you have got me worried. Isneezefunny you sound in a very similar situation to me - you can read my post - just search for it. Basically been going out with girlfriend for nearly 4 years, nicest girl in the world but I have the same worries you do. Like she is that nice I am worried she would not say no to some guy coming around in case she hurt his feelings. Anyway - about 2.5 weeks ago out of nowhere she said she needed some time/space to think about things because she is not sure about us anymore. We went out for dinner the other night, she said still needs time. I told her I can't just wait for her and I will get on with my life and I recommend going no contact. She got v upset about this, kept telling me she loved me every 5 seconds, wanted to keep my cloths so she could smell them and wear them. Makes no sense does it? I can't imagine her ever cheating/ being interested in another guy but I just don't get it all... maybe we never will!

Let us know how things develop.

You don't ask for NC, how rude, you DO no contact, but getting your stuff back is acceptable, and don't get talked into any arranged group thing. A no thank you, I have plans is sufficient. Start looking after your own long term interests friend, that's what matters.

So if she calls, don't pick up? That's even ruder, no? Do I suggest that we don't talk? How do you approach someone for NC? I'm not calling/txting/e-mailing her unless it's absolutely necessary but she is calling/txting/e-mailing me.. . so now what?

Its your phone, let it ring. Why would you announce your intentions to heal by going NC, to someone who has dumped you, and is making your life hell by wanting you to be a friend? That's rude. That's exactly why you do what you must to heal, and leave her alone. She gave up the right to know what your up to when she kicked you to the curb.

The problem with that is, tal, is that she asks me if it's OK that she calls. So if I say, YEAH, GO AHEAD, BUT I WON'T CALL... and she calls and I don't pick up, that's a huge d-bag move. I'm a nice guy, or at least I'd like to think I am. You know?

So what's the advice here? Tell her not to call? Or tell her that she can call, but I won't pick up?

You remind her that the breakup was her idea, and that, in order to avoid emotional confusion, you want to make it a clean break with no contact. That means she doesn't call you, and you don't call her. She doesn't seek you out for conversation, homework help, whatever. You won't seek her out either. Both of you: No contact.

Yeah, that's what I was going for when I said I was going to ask her for NC. I guess I didn't make that clear?

Regardless, I will update on the dinner tomorrow. It shouldn't be too awkward. Although we are broken up, we get along great superficially. Then I'll update again after the Saturday morning.

regardless, i will update on the dinner tomorrow. it shouldn't be too awkward. although we are broken up, we get along great superficially. then i'll update again after the saturday morning.

This is what I would recommend. Don't even go to dinner. Celebrate your friend's birthday the next night or send him a card. That would would totally screw up the healing process being near her for even that length of time. I'm sure your friend would understand. I would stick her stuff in a box on her doorstep so you don't even have to see her. After all, is it really necessary to see her just to get your stuff? Don't even answer your phone when she calls. What all this communication does is humors her... it gives her exactly what she wants. Don't do that. If she can't give you the relationship that YOU want, don't give her the safety net that she wants.

Sounds very cruel to me mafiaangel - it is not her fault she feels the way she feels, I doubt she set out to hurt him.

Sounds very cruel to me mafiaangel - it is not her fault she feels the way she feels, i doubt she set out to hurt him.

I'm not saying she did set out to hurt him. I'm not saying she's a bad person. Dang. But there are times when you have to put your own heart, your own feelings, and YOU first.

Got to look out for number one. ;)

I doubt she is trying to intentially hurt you at all, she will be nice to you as a friend, but to expext a dumped partner to change gears that way is not realistic, so you must be responsible for your own healing. Yes that comes before being nice, polite, and broken hearted.

I understand what you guys are saying, I do. However, I don't think this'll be a setback on my healing process. If anything it'll def be a small one. We have a small group of 4 friends, pretty much 2 couples (well, it was back in the day). The other couple broke up, but they remained very good friends and found other people. We remained a couple until this past weekend. But we still hang out all four of us. So I feel that I can't just back out, mainly because my friend is leaving town due to a job. So I won't see her after tonight.

I will be all right. I doubt she's playing games with me in any way shape or form. I feel that she actually cares and is constantly trying to mend things between us, but I am just maintaining my distance.

I'll update after dinner.

Have a good time then.

Just got back from dinner.

We usually just drive in 1 car, but fortunately, I had an errand to run so I met up with them at the restaurant. Dinner was fine, kept it very shallow talk, the entire group just joked around and talked like nothing ever changed. I talked to my ex VERY little. She asked me how my life is, and I just told her it was fine. I wasn't cold or rude, but I wasn't super sweet either.

We went home in separate cars, and I just talked to my friend (who's leaving). Found out that my ex has an irregular heartbeat... had to go to the hospital again... now has a heart monitor. I just simply asked my friend to keep an eye on her, take care of her, but that there's nothing I can do on my end, but to keep me posted. To be honest, right now, the dinner... her being sick... wasn't anywhere near a setback. I have now separated myself from being the ex, and just being someone who heard that she is sick. So I felt fine all throughout dinner, and I feel fine now.

As I said, we're meeting up Saturday just to give each other our stuff back. I'll update then.

Heading out to the lib.

Update:

So, what I'm about to say JUST happened. I did not force any of the following... coincidentally all fell into place.

The news of our breakup spread like wildfire among our friends and through a quarter of the campus. Few guys, interested in my ex, were happy, but were threatened by my friends (I didn't know about this until now). Few girls who were interested in me, began to call.

So far, I have tonight's dinner and movie planned with (we'll call her SUE). I am meeting my ex tomorrow in the morning to give her back her stuff. I have tomorrow afternoon coffee with DANIELLE, and dinner with JULIE. What's going on? No clue. Is myself esteem straight up in the clouds? Absolutely. Am I taking it slow? Very cautiously. Is it too quick to do this? In my opinion, yes. Too soon to date... but not too soon to just hang out with a few people. We'll see where all this goes.

I told my friends NOT to threaten other guys anymore... but now that it's done, I think most of them are just plain scared. Regardless, I'm walking away.

Side note: tonight, after dinner with SUE, I planned on studying with a mutual friend of me and the ex. Apparently, she is not in her best health condition either, and my ex called me to talk to me about the friend's condition. That's all.

Will update tomorrow morning about the meeting. Will keep updating about the others.

I'd stick to no contact at all. Nothing, nada, period. Even on Christmas or New Year's. She needs a break so give it to her. Don't allow yourself to be made to feel guilty about it. Take some time to think and reflect. You may come to find that this relationship really isn't right for you after all.

Glad your going to take it slow, Casonova. Your healing is the main thing. But as you say being out among people (pretty people), is a way to just have fun and show you there is life after a break up HEHEHEHE! Have fun , but stay focused.

Update.

Somewhat of a setback.

Two things:

1. please don't judge me. However, something happened last night that I'm feeling... a bit... unsure of. Dinner and movie with SUE went extremely well. Great conversation, we clicked well together, etc. we get back to my apt (she parked at my place and we went in my car)... and she gets to her car, and her tire's flat. At this point, it's 3am. She lives a good 45 minutes away. So I tell her, why don't you spend the night here, and tomorrow, I'll fix your tire in the morning and you can leave. I swear I had NO intentions of anything happening. I was going to offer her my bed and I could sleep on the couch in the living room. I walk into my apt, and there's a party hosted by my roomie. There're people in the living room. So, we end up in my room. By this time, it's near 4am... I have to meet my ex at 10am... SUE has to be at work by 9am. So we try to just go to sleep. I offer her under the covers while I sleep on top of the covers... you may call me a pansy or a wuss, but I didn't feel like getting into it. SUE and chat in bed for a while and we end up cuddling... one thing leads to another... yep. Damn.

In the morning, we end up having "the talk"... she asks what we are. She knows about my situation... so I tell her that there's no way I can be in a relationship at this moment. She says she didn't expect us to be in a relationship... just wanted to know where we are. I told her that I found her attractive, that we click well, and that I'd like to continue to spend time with her, and I meant it. She took it extremely well. She went to work, I went to breakfast.

As of right now, I genuinely had a great time with SUE. But I'm not sure if my feelings are from loneliness or because I genuinely like her. So I told her exactly that. She understood, and said that she appreciated that I told her the truth. We'll still talk/hang out.

2. breakfast with my ex began when she got in my car (she doesn't have a car). I pick her up, and I notice that she's wearing her heart monitor. This may sound like a sob story, but you got to place yourself in my shoes. Here's a girl that you've dated for roughly 3 years. I've seen her literally EVERY DAY she was here at school and at least spoke on the phone when she wasn't at school. She lost at least 5 lbs in the past week, looks weak, and is sick. Now, if she had cheated on me, I wouldn't have given a damn (yeah, I'm a bastard)... but she didn't. We broke up nicely, so I couldn't help but feel worried. We go to breakfast, we keep light conversation, etc. halfway through breakfast, she lists off symptoms. I'm a pre-med student and have kept up with medical things relatively well enough to know that she's showing symptoms of pregnancy. Now, I use protection every time, but even then, there's always a chance. She says that it was the first thought she had... and that she took a test; it turned out negative. She says she'll retake another one in 2 weeks. That's a doozie.

Also halfway through breakfast, she begins to feel sick, so she goes to my car and lays in my car while I box everything up and pay the check. I drop her back off, and I help her get her stuff into her room, and she wanted to talk to me. Our conversation... in a nutshell... was this:

- she still has the same feelings for me before we broke up
- she says that I did NOTHING wrong
- she's not sure about anything
- she knows she wants to be with me, but not sure if she wants a relationship right now
- she wants a break, but knows it's unfair for her to make me wait, so that's why we broke up
- she will let me know when she figures out what she's feeling
- she says that she'll understand if I find someone else

I believe everything she says. She had no reason to lie to me, and she's the type to be absolutely honest about everything. She's never lied to me, even when she knew it would hurt my feelings. We say our goodbyes, she says that she'll try not to contact me, but when she figures out what she's feeling, then she will to let me know. I tell her that I'm OK with that... and I leave.

Setback. I am now at work. Everyone here may tell me that I was an idiot for going to breakfast. But I felt that I had to. At least to say goodbye to her, to give her her stuff back, to get my stuff back, and to get a clearer explanation. I feel better knowing. It's almost like a kid wanting to touch the stove. It's a lesson learned, but it's a lesson learned the hard way. I'm OK with it.

Today was the last time I saw her. I won't see her again until mid jan when she comes back... if I see her at all. It's me time. I got a gymming partner (gunther... really, his name is gunther, and he's puny. I love it) I got a running partner (my dog). I picked up a new hobby (I'm RE-learning how to play the piano) and I'm also learning ASL (american sign language). I've re-established my contact with most of my old friends, and I am staying busy. I hope everyone's doing well. I'll update within the next week after finals to see how things are going. This week's going to blow... hard.

Btw, I love your writing--all your adventures and comments about them. I especially loved the comment about Gunther lol. I feel like collecting your posts and submitting them for publication to Cosmo or a young adult magazine. Actually, the more I think about it, the more likely it sounds, but I would need your permission first, of course

If your ex is pregnant, whose baby is it?

Well, as of right now, there's a VERY small chance that she's pregnant. VERY VERY VERY small. But it would be mine. 100%. I have no doubts in my mind. As I said before, she is very honest with me to the point that she tells me if a guy hits on her. Once, one of her good guy friends flat out told her that he liked her and that he would be better for her than I would be, and she told me this, and then apologized to me for any chance of her leading him on; she didn't lead him on, and she didn't even flirt with him, but she apologized to me that she wasn't able to pick it up more quick. So yeah.

oh yeah, update:

so I call up my friend (the friend that is moving for work... we had the dinner for her). She is VERY rational, logical, and is strictly unbiased. She's the one I turn to for advice. This is our "game plan". She said there are two things that can happen:

1. my ex comes back in jan and tells me that she wants to get back together. At this point, I will gauge my feelings for her, and also bring up some things that may need some changing if we get back together. I will also bring up our future, and see if anything's there. Dating without a future is like memorizing as many digits of PI as you can. Why do it? There's no point, and plus, it doesn't help you at all. If there is a future, if her reasons for the breakup are legit (and by legit, it doesn't mean that I have to like it, it just has to make reasonable sense in my head... it can't be something like YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT IT'D FEEL LIKE TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE... ), and if I feel that she genuinely wants to get back, and I still have feelings for her, why not?

2. my ex comes back, she doesn't want to get back. She realizes that she just needs to be alone/independent. I'm OK with that. We both move on.

all this time, I will still hang out with my friends, and do my own thing. I'm not looking to date right now, it's too soon... and last night was too soon.

And what about Sue? Will both of you be OK?

I'm serious about submitting it somewhere. It could be a diary/journal type thing. Now, don't freeze up on me and change your writing style...

Haha, I'll try not to.

Sue and I had our talk in the morning. And everything spans out fine.

Side note: I am currently a senior in college, and it's SUCH a drastic change from the women I used to deal with in HS and the women I deal with in college. In high school, you tell a girl that you guys have a problem and that you'd like to talk to her about it, she'll flip a nugget and either end it right then and there, or just start fighting with you. Damn hormones. In college, my ex... I tell her there's a problem, she says OK or I'M REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW, HOW ABOUT WE GET TOGETHER LATER TONIGHT AND TALK ABOUT IT?. so cool. Or, I talk to sue, she says I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS TOO SOON FOR YOU TO BE WITH ANOTHER GIRL... I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I HOPE WE CAN STILL HANG OUT AND TALK, AND I HOPE THIS WON'T BE AWKWARD FOR YOU AND ME.. . I love maturity.

So yeah, sue knows it's too soon for me to have another relationship... within 5 days of getting out of a serious one. She still just wants to hang out, talk, and see where it goes.

Oh yeah, and I'm leaving for coffee with DANIELLE in a little bit. Dinner with JULIE is next.. . whuddafxup man? Am I really that much of a stud muffin? Popular consensus is NO. maybe it's a plot by the govt to distract me from studying for my finals so I don't get into med school? Possibly. Or are women really just that attracted to guys who just get out of relationships?. most likely. It seems that a guy fresh out of a relationship is needy, sensitive, caring, and most of all, willing to do anything for you.

Girls love "saving" guys. Why is that? Maternal behavior? I am told that there's a heavy correlation with my personality and that of Dr. House on HOUSE MD. I admit, I am a bit of a smartass and I will make fun of anyone who's an idiot straight to their faces... hmm... and I do somewhat think everyone lies... cheats... steals... and have their own motives...

And I do question... everything... hope this means I'll do well in med school...

Oh yeah, the part about saving... I mention that because my friend told me that girls are attracted to me because they feel that I'm miserable, and they can save me from it. I'm really not miserable. I'm pretty happy. Like right now, it's raining... I'm happy about that. In about 4 hours, I get to go home, feed my dog, go to starbucks, spend half my income on coffee, and just study. I'm OK with that. Then I get to go to dinner with JULIE. I'm not miserable in any sense, but I guess the way I talk, the way I make fun of idiots, the way I look at life (I'm very realistic... and somewhat pessimistic... and narcissistic... and add more -istics), it just seems that I'm miserable. My friend says that girls pull a dr. cameron (jennifer morrison's character on HOUSE MD) on me...

... I like it.

Yes, women like to rescue men. Your Dr. House personality will hold you in good stead. You seem to be easy to like in your own charmingly irascible way.

I always say that if your happy, others will want to share it with you. Could I be right (again?) Your sense of humor will carry you far, but Wondergirl is right as females love to rescue lost puppies, LOL. Go with it, have fun.

... huge setback.

I've been studying all day for my final tomorrow. Been doing great. I got a call at 10pm.

We'll call my ex (JENNY).

The caller was my friend. She said:

JENNY's body went numb. She's in the ER.

... I get over there immediately. I stay with her through the entire hospital visit, when I get a text on her phone (I was holding her phone as her parents were calling asking questions, so I had to pick up). Her text was from the suspicious guy who I was suspicious of pre-break up, and who I saw her walking with the day after we broke up. It said WHERE ARE YOU? WHY AREN'T YOU HERE YET? I MISS YOU.

So... like a nosy kid on christmas morning, I went through her text messages. I found 20 some odd texts saying CAN I COME OVER... I LIKE YOU THOUGH... WANNA GO EAT... WHEN AM I GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN... and some inside jokes.

... I stay with her at the hospital, despite this. By the way, the kid heard about her ER visit and was in the waiting room while I was in her room with her.

She was discharged with her final diagnosis: exhaustion. I take her back to her room, get her situated... and she asks, IS EVERYTHING OK? So I told her:

I confessed: I got a message from him... and I went through your phone...
JENNY: I thought you would...
Me: can you tell me... why? Or better yet, why not just tell me?
JENNY: ::rolls her eyes:: nothing's going on. I promise.
Me: a blind man with an ear infection can tell something's up.
JENNY: no, he's just REALLY friendly and REALLY metro... and he asked to come over because we were studying in groups!
Me: and the I LIKE YOU THOUGH part?
JENNY: that was because I made a joke and he didn't laugh so I said I hate you, so he replied that way.
Me: he sent you 20 texts in the past 3 days...
JENNY: he never calls, he always texts everything
Me:... but one of your texts to him said BE CAREFUL DRIVING! WE CAN ALWAYS TALK LATER!
JENNY: ::rolls eyes again:: I don't feel well, I really don't want to talk about this.
Me:... we don't have to anymore. Either you're lying to my face, or you're in denial. Either way, I lost a lot of respect for you.

... and I leave. Was I a bit emotional? More than I'd like to have been. I believe her... in her reasons. I believe that he did want to come over to study with the group. I believe her in that I LIKE YOU THOUGH joke. But I also believe that she's in denial. Any guy who texts a girl 20 times within 3 days... wanting to come over, to go eat, saying things like I LIKE YOU THOUGH... is dropping hints left and right. And she's letting it happen.

I'm not upset that they're like this. I'm not. I just hooked up with a girl 3 days after we broke up... who am I to say anything?. I am upset because I had more trust and faith in her... that she would tell me about it. I guess I couldn't expect her to tell me anything if she's in denial, huh. Regardless... I am hurt. I am angry. I am angry that I wasted so much energy caring, running to the hospital, waiting there as she got checked out... spending 3 hours in the ER... while all this is happening. I feel like the entire world just played a huge joke on me, but mostly her. Granted, I can't blame her. I really feel like she really didn't know. As I said, she's one of those girls who are just REALLY nice... so nice that she doesn't know when to say NO to a guy who's hitting on her.

Regardless, not my business. I don't want to talk to her about it... I don't want to hear her excuses... I just want to let her go. I was doing well... I was learning to let go... and then this episode.

Some people here will tell me that I'm an idiot for going, but really, it wasn't a party that I was invited to. She went to the ER. Cut me some slack.

I feel that this'll be day 1 again. But maybe with a twist. I am now angry with her. I don't trust her or respect her as much. This... actually is a "bad breakup." this'll make it a bit easier for me to get over her.

This may be from my anger... but as of right now, if she asked to get back together, I would tell her no. just no. this feeling may change, but I will look back on this post (making mental note to look back on this post), and I will be reminded of this event.

Those who reply, don't give me advice such as SHE'S A TRAMP... because she's not. She's the female version of mr. rogers. She's quite innocent and sweet. She just doesn't see it when a guy hits on her.

Regardless... I am upset. Bad day. I have a final tomorrow. Got to do this.

I don't see it as a setback. You did what you had to do. Had you not gone with her to the ER, you'd be kicking yourself--and all of us too.

You got a little more of what she's made of, or at least confirmed what you know.

I'm sorry about the revelations, but glad it might help you stand back and even step away from her.

And I totally love your "signature"!!

P.S. Good luck on your final. Don't stay up all night.

My favorite part is... it's NOT what she's made of... if I tell this story to any of my friends, no one will believe me... because it's not who she is. It's... kinda ridic. Women. Psh.

Funny how life brings out our true colors, here you were flying along just fine, and you thought you could deal with it on a nice level, Bam, it all comes crashing in at once. First off, its none of your business now, how she interacts with others, and you would never know, if you hadn't had a weak moment, and opportunity, to snoop. That's not even the bad part, your choice to chose that moment to confront her about it, was really a bad move. Look at your own part in this, and understand why your angry Mr. Snoopy, and say you could have handled things better, to start by minding your own business, and even after that, not jump to conclusions. You couldn't even take her word for her side of it. Learn from this and get over yourself, Sneeze. Recognise the part you play, in this little drama. You were looking for dirt, and you think you found it. Don't kick somebody when they are down. I think its telling, her friends called you and not him, wonder why?

Her friends called me because I'm the more responsible type... and in any event, I'm the type to know what to do, and to show that I care more. The other guy... well, he's a freshmen and others tagged him as being the "emotional" type. Not sure what that means.

Regardless, I slept on it. I am less angry, but still there.

Tal is right. It was a bad move on my part to confront her about it there... but I just couldn't help myself as I was suspicious of the guy from the start.

Moving on. Day 1 again.

Okie dokie. Update...

My friend (the unbiased one that I go to for advice) called me this morning to say I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING ON... BUT THAT KID'S BEEN IN HER ROOM... A LOT. And I told her about last night... and she said...

To be honest with you, she's never had a boyfriend... she's never had this kind of attention on her from other guys but you, so I think she's just kind of excited... so give her time, she'll realize that this guy... isn't really it. Also, I heard he's a bit of a player... and he's also 3 years younger than her... and he's also REALLY emotional. Like, if she makes fun of the way he looks, he'll literally get really mad and not talk to her for a day... so yeah. Give her time, she'll realize what she lost.

This is my response:

I know that this dude's not right for her. However, I am not giving her time. It's a diff story if she came up to me and was honest with me... told me HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER GUY. Then that's fair. I would have let her go. But to tell me... I NEED TIME... I NEED SPACE... and act like nothing's going on, and then deny it to my face, that's... wrong. So... yeah. I'm done.

Her: I agree. This is so bizarre, it's not like her to do something like this... yeah... like, no one really likes this guy and all her friends are going wth? But don't worry. Keep focus on your finals. Do your own thing.

And I will. Final at 1630. Then dinner. Gym. Library all night. Keep me entertained.

I hope you know the point of all this, learn to deal with your feelings in a positive way, and make good decisions for yourself, based on facts not emotions. Granted, we humans are emotional, but thought, before actions is so necessary for our lives.

The thing is, tal...

There comes a point in time when your gut instinct and situation outweighs the facts.

If you walk into a room, see a dead guy, on the ground, shot, and standing next to him is a guy with a gun... and you know that the guy with the gun doesn't really like the dead guy...

What're you going to go with? Logic or instinct?

Yes. It is possible that the dead guy shot himself, threw the gun at the guy who's standing and the guy who's standing caught the gun. Yes. It's possible. How likely is that?

Her friends have told me that there's a guy who's spending a lot of time with her, and brings her food all the time, hangs out with her, calls her, texts her, and spends a lot of time in her room... and she reciprocates all the calls/texts... and I've had suspicions of him previous to the breakup...

... what am I going to go with?

Regardless, right now, it's not my problem. It's her life. Her choices. Her decisions. I must stay away from it. It's none of my business.

... so how's everyone doing? The weather here (GA) just went from a nice warm 78... to a bitter 34 in less than 2 days.

Update.

Today's been a long frigging day.

It's about as bad as day 1... maybe a bit worse as I'm sleep deprived on top of this bs.

So I have a question to women out there who have dumped a guy due to "needing space".

... you guys have a store where you guys get an instruction manual? I mean, honestly. EVERY guy that comes in to this forum and talks about how the girl needed "space" and "time" does it EXACTLY the same way.

Why?!

I thought my ex was diff... mainly because the relationship thing's new to her. But no. she did it like a pro. Asked to be friends. Surrounded herself with guys, and is now hanging with one main guy... it's been a week woman. Slow it down!

Fyi. Ex wanted to explain why the new guy's been texting/calling/hanging around a lot. Apparently I'm wrong to assume that there's something going on between her and the guy who texted her 20 some odd times and flirts with her madly. Who knew? Not sure if I really want to hear her side. At this point, it seems easier for me to just let it go and get over it. But my curiosity... damn it. I want to know what she wants to say. Even if it's bs, I want to know how creative she can get with this.

Current mood: evil.

... you guys have a store where you guys get an instruction manual? I mean, honestly. EVERY guy that comes in to this forum and talks about how the girl needed "space" and "time" does it EXACTLY the same way.
LOL, that explains why I say the same friggin' thing over and over, DARN FEMALE MANUAL!
Let your anger subside, before you do anything, remember-cool thought before positive actions. She is an ex, after all.

LOL, that explains why I say the same friggin' thing over and over, DARN FEMALE MANUAL!

What a great idea Tal... a DARN FEMALE MANUAL! Would that mean we could stop repeating ourselves... I doubt it :-)

That's why I put links in my signature. LOL

Good thinking... but then you have been doing this a lot longer than me LOL!

Update:

It seems that I have no life other than askmehelpdesk.com but then again, I can't help it.

... I have this evil desire to come on the site, look up people that are in worse shape than I am... and giggle. Of course, offer advice... but giggle as well.

I know it's bad.

SUE was wondering if I would ever consider her more than just friends.. . oof.

I told her, that is def a possibility, as we get along so great, but as of right now, I really need some time. (that damn "need some time"). But I also told her that I'd still really like to hang out during winter break (... my friends went home.. )

This is my view on SUE.

... SUE is not very attractive... physically. Her personality and maturity kicks super... to the point that I'm completely overlooking her appearance. She came over today, to drop off a cup of coffee from sbucks as I'm pulling an all nighter.

1. that's better than any of my gfs have done for me. Granted, my ex didn't have a car... but she wouldn't have picked up coffee for me if she had one.

2. also, SUE is new... so of course she'd be sweet to me. Regardless, it made an impact.

Back to the point at hand, my buddies came over tonight to study with me, and SUE was here (with the coffee). She left after a while, and... you know how guys get when they get together. They were a teeny bit insulting... jokingly. I asked them, seriously... what they thought. And they said that she seemed nice.

When my buddies left, I went back to my room, found a note by SUE, just wishing me luck on my finals. Overall, things are looking up.

Keep me entertained. Tell me about your lives. I get bored easily. Senioritis.

Good thinking.............but then you have been doing this a lot longer than me LOL!
Thanks to your well written post, that I made a sticky, and have a link to. I can take a break from repeating and typing the same thing over... and over. My arthritis thanks you.:)

Thanks to your well written post, that I made a sticky, and have a link to. I can take a break from repeating and typing the same thing over ...............and over. My arthritis thanks you.:)

Pleasure is all mine... I owed you for kicking me up the butt when I needed it.

It's actually a good feeling to see how many people it has helped!

update:

it seems that i have no life other than askmehelpdesk.com but then again, i can't help it.
Me either.

...i have this evil desire to come on the site, look up people that are in worse shape than i am...and giggle. of course, offer advice...but giggle as well.
Its to sad sometime to see growing pains hurt so much, I can smile now and try to help, but when your going thru it, life sucks bad.
i know it's bad.
YEP, thats bad, but it gets better.

SUE was wondering if i would ever consider her more than just friends. ...oof.
Uh, oh, Casonova's head is getting bigger.
i told her, that is def a possibility, as we get along so great, but as of right now, i really need some time. (that damn "need some time"). but i also told her that i'd still really like to hang out during winter break (...my friends went home..)
You could use a friend, but be cautious.
this is my view on SUE.
Nice rhymn, player
...SUE is not very attractive...physically. her personality and maturity kicks super ...to the point that i'm completely overlooking her appearance. she came over today, to drop off a cup of coffee from sbucks as i'm pulling an all nighter.
Your such a cheap date.
1. that's better than any of my gfs have done for me. granted, my ex didnt have a car...but she wouldnt have picked up coffee for me if she had one.
Thats cause she didn't know how easy you were, LOL
2. also, SUE is new...so of course she'd be sweet to me. regardless, it made an impact.
Hot coffee always does.
back to the point at hand, my buddies came over tonight to study with me, and SUE was here (with the coffee). she left after a while, and...you know how guys get when they get together. they were a teeny bit insulting...jokingly. i asked them, seriously...what they thought. and they said that she seemed nice.
Hot coffee, your kidding she is great, and right on time.
when my buddies left, i went back to my room, found a note by SUE, just wishing me luck on my finals. overall, things are looking up.
Aw, that was as sweet as it gets. Was she right on time or what. Was a female manual under her arms?
keep me entertained. tell me about your lives. i get bored easily. senioritis.
Between the coffee and the note you'll be up all night, thinking of Sue, did she have her manual? Could you be studying from the wrong books?
Feel better yet. Good luck with finals:D

Update:

It's 3am. The library is still packed. I find myself constantly checking my profile to see if anyone anywhere updated or replied. I thirst for some internet contact.

Studying.

Update:

It's 3am. The library is still packed. I find myself constantly checking my profile to see if anyone anywhere updated or replied. I thirst for some internet contact.

Studying.

GRAHHHHHHHH!!

It's 437am.

JUST happened to run into my ex online. Group study session via webchat.

The suspicious kid was on there too. Out of curiosity (he's not in our study group) so I asked him why he's there.

Ex got really defensive... and again, she's NOT the type to get defensive. She said that she did nothing wrong. She also claims that she knows what's going on... and I don't. So I don't have any room to talk.

... my smart mouth replied:

no. the world knows what's going on. You don't.

... damnit! GrahhH!!

Apparently, he is in the webchat because he's in her room. Fantastic.

I am at a loss for words. I want to tell her so badly that she IS doing something wrong. She also said that I had no room to talk as I did the same to her when we broke up.

Flashback: we dated for 5 months a WHILE ago. After 5 months, I wasn't feeling it. So we broke up. We remained friends, but about 2 weeks after we broke up, I got together with another girl... that one didn't work out. So we got back together. So this is what she's referring to.

There's a difference.

1. we dated 5 months back then. Hardly a serious relationship. This time, we've been dating for 3 years.

2. back then, when the new girl was talking to me, I told her everything. Mainly because I believed in honesty when we were together. I told my ex that she called... she wanted this... she wanted that... etc. I was honest. This time, she is being sketchy as hell. Everyone comes up to me to ask me, WHAT'S THAT GUY DOING IN HER ROOM FOR THE PAST WEEK?. I don't know?

3. I waited 2 weeks for a 5 month relationship. She waited 3 days for a 3 year relationship. Hardly the same.

I'm contemplating calling her a b*tch . What is going on in her head... I will never know. How can this have happened? What... is going on..!

7am.

... worse shape than day 1 of break up.. . lack of sleep + worrying about finals + knowing that suspicious kid is in bed with my ex at this moment...

... there should be a new word that describes how I feel.

It's that feeling of your heart feeling like it's filled with a hot liquid, constantly making you feel like you have to vomit. Knowing that you would feel better... only if you could drag that kid into the middle of the street and beat him senselessly until your arms went numb.. . however, I am not a violent person.

I just need to get through today. Only today. Let me get through today.

Follow the words in your signature from Satchel Paige; No Contact, pal. Quit sticking your hand in the fire. No Contact. You will be fine.

I would say your doing this to yourself, now. Get some sleep. A lot of it as your losing it right now, and looking pretty bad.

It is very true that I am doing this to myself. But as of right now, I can't focus on jack.

... im going to step back and take a look at this situation, and what the hell happened in the past week.

... my girlfriend of 3 years who is known for being extremely nice, sensitive, and caring... just broke up with me, got with another guy within 3 days, just yelled at me for asking what's going on, and have told her friends to NOT talk to me. What... the... hell?

... I look at this situation and I laugh... did she just really do that 180? Really? Can that really happen like that? It usually takes me a minute or two to order food at a restaurant... and at least 2 - 3 days before I decide to buy something...

She just made a complete 180... in a week. Personality... way she talks... everything.

... women... I bow to you guys.

I think you are kidding yourself; this is another symptom of what one goes through in breaking-up and heartache: "oh, i'm not being romantic, but just being the nice, concerned guy.' It might be good (and therapeutic) for you to go back and write-out the events of each day, but wait til you are finished with your papers and exams. One thing you should notice is that you are posting under, "I'm doing NC; what about her?" You need to realize that you are Anything But NC, perhaps that could be the name of your new thread.

I agree with you there Geo. He keeps shooting himself in the foot, and ain't nofeet left to shoot. His role in this drama is HUGE.

Ouch.

I guess I deserved that one.

Yes, yes. I am not doing nc. I was doing so damn well the first week, and then I found out that she has a new guy and my world is crumbling before me. Damn it.

I've realized... around 10am this morning, that it is indeed done. Over. Finito. Fin.

Should have listened... thought I was listening... thought I was doing well... then I flubbed it.

I will update after last final. Thanks to all those who beat me on this thread.

I go at it this way: whenever I think about something I did with her or she did for me, and smile, it is a great memory. Whenever I think of doing something now or in the future with her and I smile, I pinch myself; I think about the wonderful things I've read right here, at AMHD. It is called NC and it is good. It hurts to write like this, but it is called "heart insurance". For my own part, I just want to put it away in a special place so that it does not come back; and learn from it so that it never happens again.

Well, as for me, whenever I think about the future, she is not in it.

Finals are over. I feel... SO relieved. I didn't do as well as I could have, but it's over nonetheless.

I'm feeling good. Just had to get done with finals in order to get my life together.

Roomie just turned 21. What a widdle baby. Haha. Party. Relatively tipsy as I write this, which is surprising as I am not much of a drinker. I'll have a glass of wine at dinner, but nothing like this.

Regardless, I'm going to bed. Making up for a lack of 70 something odd hours of no sleep.

... clean all day tomorrow. I'll be bored. So I'll update. Adios.

Oof. Last night was... kinda crazy. Met a lot of new people though, had a good time.

Woke up this morning to find SUE next to me..! Nothing happened. Trust me. I went to bed by myself. Found out that she was in the area, didn't feel like driving 45 min home (it was around 4am), and came over. Also woke up to find my apt spotless... clean.

SUE cleaned it. Nice gesture?

Regardless, I will be doing much better now that finals are over. Now that I'm not too stressed, I can actually do NC and stick with it. Just had a rough time during finals mainly because I couldn't focus on studying, and I couldn't do other things to get my mind off it due to finals. Catch 22.

Will update periodically during the winter. Hope everyone's having a great time. Anyone in the North Carolina area during jan 11 - 13? Anyone like to snowboard? I'm heading up to sugar mountain around then. Anyone? Anyone?

Have a safe holiday, Sneeze, and keep your mind right; watch out for those well-intentioned tricks.

Update:

So it's been... a few days. I look back and still go... DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN? But... I'm doing OK.

Been keeping busy... work, friends, just hanging. I keep thinking, MAN THIS HEALING PROCESS IS TAKING FOREVER! And realize that... it's only been 2 weeks since we broke up, and about a week since we did the NC thing... so I guess I'm expecting too much, too soon. Regardless, again. Keeping busy.

SUE and I have been getting along great. Things are going good. How's everyone else doing?

Glad things are going OK for you. I'm off work now until Wednesday, have been baking Christmas cookies like mad. The cats got early gifts of catnip toys, so are busy attacking those and then sleeping deeply afterwards. The weather has been grey and coldish with a storm in Kansas headed this way. My own family lives in western NY and are buried under at least 8 inches of snow, so I won't see them. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be spent right here while surrounded by books and cats.

Oof, I'm going to get murdered by the people here...

So... update on SUE.

I'm not sure if I've updated about SUE (new girl)... but we've been hanging out relatively. Of course, I have my guard up... most of the time, not wanting to get attached to her. Well, she knows my ENTIRE situation. She knows I'm not over my ex... she knows that I don't want to get involved in a relationship... I just simply wanted to just... hang out. Go to the movie. Go to dinner. Things of that nature.

Well, since a few days ago, she's been wanting to spend time... a lot. Every day. She calls... twice a day. So I talked to her and said:

I would rather not get involved in anything yet. If I do, then you will be a rebound. I like you as a person... we get along great. I don't want you to be my rebound. So please, can we slow it down a bit. Take it down a notch?

She understood. She was awesome... then she came over at 3am, wanting to sleep over. ::warning light::. Nothing happened. We just talked all night, and cuddled.

In the morning, I woke up to the smell of blueberry muffins baking in the oven... the sound of my washing machine going off... and my dishwasher going off. (oh no). She's cleaning my apt.

What stinks is this: she can clean... like a maid. She can cook... like a grandmother. She does everything... right. On paper, she's perfect. Damn. Fast forward a day or two. Last night, we went out for dinner as it was her birthday. I took her out to dinner, good food, good conversation, etc. we end up back at my place. We watch a movie... but we both pass out in the middle of it. I wake up this morning to the smell of crêpes. Crêpes!! What is going on?!

Her toothbrush is at my sink. She has her facial cleanser here, etc. damn.

Tonight, I told her that I might be going to a coffee shop, just to go read a book, etc.. She calls me and asks, WHERE ARE YOU?. what? She's been waiting for me at the coffee shop.. . I replied by saying, I NEVER SAID THAT I'D BE THERE DEFINITELY... I SAID MAYBE... AND... I Didn't INSINUATE FOR YOU TO BE THERE... YOU SIMPLY ASKED WHAT I WAS DOING TODAY SO I TOLD YOU. She says YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU...

... so we had a talk. Again. About how I'm not ready for such a committed relationship... how I felt suffocated, how much I see her. Granted, I told her that I enjoyed spending time with her, but right now, I got to do my own thing.

... she got upset (rightfully so). But I had to do it. I couldn't be in this quasi-relationship... just couldn't. She said she'd leave me alone, and give me my space, and told me to call her when I'm ready to move on. Told her that I'd see her in a few weeks.

... oof. OK. You guys can take your shots.

Hmm... that happened to me when I experienced my worst break-up ever. I met an awesome girl the following week. She was better in every way than my ex, but her problem was, she was not my ex. I was not as good a person as you. I had sex with her but then I didn't want to spend any QT with her. I was awful. She always called, sometimes to even wish me good night.

She tried hard for 2 months and then finally gave up. I lost a good girl. But I wasn't ready and I never really felt bad that I missed a chance with her. I just wasn't ready.

Anyway, it happens, and you're doing the right thing. And if you really can't be with her now, you should stop seeing her. You may lose her, but in the long run, you probably are doing the right thing.

--Cali

what stinks is this: she can clean...like a maid. she can cook...like a grandmother. she does everything...right. on paper, she's perfect. damn.

I vote for Sue. Grab her before she gets away.

I vote for Sue. Grab her before she gets away.

Even if I'm not ready? As ilovecali said... she's perfect on paper. But she's... not my ex. Every time she hugs me, it feels different... everytime we talk, I just think... she's not my ex...

Give yourself a month to recover from your ex. Then grab Sue.

That, I will do. Hopefully, sue'll be around. Holidays are no fun without the significant other... or family... or friends.

Family's gone out of town. Can't go with them due to work
Friends are all home with their families.
Ex-significant other's with the new guy

... just me, a digiorno, wings, and a movie. Happy holidays everyone

... THAT's martyrship! :D

Or just recover, and you'll be ready for many more Sues to come. Remember, Sue is trying to win you over. For a time, you're in power. I would bet, this is not Sue forever. She's trying hard right now. Remember, she's the one who wants you more. Just remember, you are in power, because you DON'T WANT HER! Learn from that lesson.


--Cali

Hey, I'm all alone on Christmas too. Happens to the best of us.

--Cali

I'm stuck with in-laws. Want to trade?

Oof. Whining:

Our school has a network in which all students communicate via web: mail, chat, message, etc.

So we can see who's on and who's not.

Best friend just told me, ISN'T IT WEIRD THAT YOUR EX AND THAT NEW GUY GET ONLINE AT THE SAME TIME EVERYDAY TOGETHER? THEY PLAN TO GET ONLINE TOGETHER...

... grrrrr

To add. BTW, DID YOUR EX TEXT YOU TO SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS? no. OH. WEIRD... SHE MASS-TEXTED EVERYONE ELSE...

... grrrrr

To add. I got my ex an early christmas gift. She got me jack. I financially lost this battle.

... grrrrr

Don't get me wrong. I don't want this woman back. She's got her own issues. Just grrr.

Good place to vent ain't it??

oof, i'm gonna get murdered by the people here...

so...update on SUE.

i'm not sure if i've updated about SUE (new girl)...but we've been hanging out relatively. of course, i have my guard up...most of the time, not wanting to get attached to her. well, she knows my ENTIRE situation. she knows i'm not over my ex...she knows that i don't want to get involved in a relationship...i just simply wanted to just...hang out. go to the movie. go to dinner. things of that nature.

well, since a few days ago, she's been wanting to spend time...a lot. every day. she calls...twice a day. so i talked to her and said:

I would rather not get involved in anything yet. if i do, then you will be a rebound. i like you as a person...we get along great. i don't want you to be my rebound. so please, can we slow it down a bit. take it down a notch?

she understood. she was awesome...then she came over at 3am, wanting to sleep over. ::warning light::. nothing happened. we just talked all night, and cuddled.

in the morning, i woke up to the smell of blueberry muffins baking in the oven...the sound of my washing machine going off...and my dishwasher going off. (oh no). she's cleaning my apt.

what stinks is this: she can clean...like a maid. she can cook...like a grandmother. she does everything...right. on paper, she's perfect. damn. fast forward a day or two. last night, we went out for dinner as it was her birthday. i took her out to dinner, good food, good convo, etc. we end up back at my place. we watch a movie...but we both pass out in the middle of it. i wake up this morning to the smell of crepes. crepes!!! what is going on?!?

her toothbrush is at my sink. she has her facial cleanser here, etc. damn.

tonight, i told her that i might be going to a coffee shop, just to go read a book, etc.. she calls me and asks, WHERE ARE YOU? ...what? she's been waiting for me at the coffee shop. ...i replied by saying, I NEVER SAID THAT I'D BE THERE DEFINITELY...I SAID MAYBE...AND...I DIDNT INSINUATE FOR YOU TO BE THERE...YOU SIMPLY ASKED WHAT I WAS DOING TODAY SO I TOLD YOU. she says YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU...

...so we had a talk. again. about how i'm not ready for such a committed relationship...how i felt suffocated, how much i see her. granted, i told her that i enjoyed spending time with her, but right now, i gotta do my own thing.

...she got upset (rightfully so). but i had to do it. i couldnt be in this quasi-relationship...just couldnt. she said she'd leave me alone, and give me my space, and told me to call her when i'm ready to move on. told her that i'd see her in a few weeks.

...oof. ok. you guys can take your shots.

This might just be an opinion. But here it goes...

Sue knows EXACTLY what she's doing. You laid it out for her and told her you aren't ready for anything. Instead, it seems she isn't even listening since she wants to spend the night, then she cleans, and makes crêpes. IMO she's taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state. She's trying really hard to be perfect right now to win you over--anything to look better than the ex. But from my own experience anyway, almost any other person will look good after a break up, for the soul reason that there is no drama attached to them. So they look more appealing. I dunno, I would just kind of watch out for her.

On another point, do you want a chef and a maid, or a girlfriend? Cause I'm sure all that won't last forever once she finally has you. That kind of perfection can be exhausting to maintain.

Oh, I absolutely agree that she's trying to win me over...

Ironically, she says, I'M NOT TRYING TO WIN YOU OVER! I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER!

... hahaha

Anyway, regardless of what she does, I know where I'm at and I know (I hope) what I'm doing. I told her to back off... and she didn't. So I changed the way I acted towards her (a bit cold I'm afraid) and she backed off. We still hang out (she'll come over and we'll watch a movie together... or go out to dinner), but she's lightened up a lot.

I'm doing a lot better, cept I still wake up to check if my ex called... and check my email to see if she's written me anything, but I'm sure that'll go away in time. It's only been 2 weeks... and at least I don't check every 5 minutes now. Only 2 - 3 times a day.

I'm doing a lot better, cept I still wake up to check if my ex called... and check my email to see if she's written me anything, but I'm sure that'll go away in time. It's only been 2 weeks... and at least I don't check every 5 minutes now. Only 2 - 3 times a day.
Baby steps are better than NO steps. LOL!!

You know... I'm having doubts now.

I just spoke to a friend of mine who knows my situation... says, IT'S NOT JUST THAT ONE GUY THAT'S BEEN SLEEPING OVER... THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE THERE... KINDA LIKE A SLEEPOVER. AND THE REASON SHE'S NOT CALLING YOU IS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THE SITUATION... SHE'S GIVING YOU SPACE LIKE SHE SHOULD.

... so... apparently, to this friend, there is NO new guy... and the reason she's not calling is to help me get over her. Is that... weird?

Could this be a HUGE coincidence... that

1) my ex talks a LOT to this new guy...

2) he sleeps over (but apparently, there are other people there... )

3) she's actually thinking of how I feel..

... I mean, is that really a possibility.. am I just losing it? Did I jump to conclusions, thinking she's with a new guy? What if... it actually is a coincidence that she talks to the new guy a lot, and they're just friends that talk... and text and call each other... a lot? So much so that he sleeps over, she drives his car around, and is extremely sketchy about it?

... couldn't be... right? It seems... almost TOO coincidental... right?

Keep thinking you will find even more and exotic things to worry over. Every time someone says something you can trip on. Is this an idle mind at work?

Haha, it's not an idle mind at work. In fact, it's a mind @ 3am at work.

After re-thinking + sleeping on it... there's no way that it's just a big coinky dink. No way. Even if it is, the entire situation was handled so poorly that I just have a bad taste in my mouth about it.

Currently @ work. It's pouring here.

Update:

First of all, happy new year to everyone. I'm sure half of you have already broken your new year's resolution... but that's OK.

I've been doing pretty well... just doing the usual. Granted, I partied a "tad" bit more than I usually do the past week. I'm usually a homebody. I dislike clubbing, and I'll just go to a bar every now and then to catch up with an old friend. I prefer sitting at home and watching a movie or playing a board game. Sad. I know. But it's what I prefer. Anyway, just hanging around.

Last night, I got an e-mail from my ex. It was an explanation of what happened and why it happened the way that it did. This is the gist of it:

- she's so sorry that it happened in this manner
- she felt restricted by the relationship as she wanted more time to hang out with her friends (the problem lies in that... I dislike her friends. They're a bit immature... stuck in high school... they like to gossip and start drama when there really shouldn't be any... so for that reason, I just don't like talking to them)
- she felt that her infatuation with me was waning... granted, she still liked me very much, she just felt like she was slightly losing interest while I was gaining interest
- she felt that I didn't trust her anymore (granted, I was being a BIT suspicious... and my suspicions were confirmed when the guy I was suspicious became the new guy)
- she still cares about me, and always will

... all in all... all I read was, "things i keep telling myself to rationalize what i did"

She has yet to confirm or deny the new guy... and she doesn't have to.

She ended with... "i wish that one day we can be friends, and i will leave you alone until you're ready to talk to me. you can write back, but i understand if you don't."

So... not writing back. That's a given. I'm actually not going to do anything. I will sit here. I will continue doing whatever it was I was doing before this e-mail.

Not.a.setback.

update:

...all in all...all i read was, "things i keep telling myself to rationalize what i did"

she has yet to confirm or deny the new guy...and she doesn't have to.

she ended with..."i wish that one day we can be friends, and i will leave you alone until you're ready to talk to me. you can write back, but i understand if you don't."

so...not writing back. that's a given. i'm actually not going to do anything. i will sit here. i will continue doing whatever it was i was doing before this e-mail.

not.a.setback.

Ha, I hate it when they try to rationalize things AFTER the fact, when they are sitting from a totally different perspective. At any rate, I'm glad to see it's not a setback for you and that you're doing good. I was talking to my friend the other day, and my ex's name was mentioned, and I thought it was cool that I could actually say his name without tearing up. Ha. Amazing. Ahh progess. :)

Update:

It's been 4 weeks. Seems like yesterday.

Classes started this week. I found myself looking around every corner to see if she would be there. She wasn't. I didn't see her. Nor did I know what I would do if I saw her. Logically, it didn't make any sense.

Perhaps it's the cold weather... perhaps it's the snow.. but I feel like I'm back on the 2nd week of nc. This is bad.

Winter break was not too difficult. Kept myself busy with work and such things... now that I'm back at school, I find myself constantly running into her friends. Not sure what I'll say to her if I run into her either. I'll be polite and short. But nothing more.

Found out she's been going out a lot... getting sloshed. It's weird... as she doesn't drink, or used to not drink. It indeed, is a weird feeling.

ISneeze... I know how you feel... It's like what happened to the girl I fell in love with? I am fighting the urge to contact her, for some reason since I got off work I have wanted to call or text or something to talk to her.. It's so freakin hard and I don't know what I can possibly do to get over this

I don't feel the urge to call. I don't.

I'm wondering what she's doing. How she's doing. Why she's not calling me. If she even thinks of me. I wonder.

Granted. She's probably getting on with her life, as I should be. And I am. I just get distracted at times.

Yep.. I will do great some days and not even think of calling... and then days like today, I'm like one text won't hurt.. but I know, one will turn in 4-5 and then I did NC for no reason

Yep. I'm just chugging along. Went to a coffee shop, came home, ate dinner, went to another coffee shop, went to get some school supplies, went to another coffee shop, went to get groceries, did laundry, and now... back at home. Attempting work. Everyday's going to be somewhat of a struggle.

That's the hardest part, knowing that for awhile each day is going to be harder and harder. But now, I'm on day 16 of not looking at her myspace, day 10 of no contact, and day 4 of not looking at her bulletins or status updates. They may seem like small steps, but hey at least they are steps

I guess I should pat myself on the back for certain things... I haven't checked her myspace in a while... 5th week of nc... so yeah, I guess I'm doing OK.

I just have setbacks here and there I guess.

Yea, the myspace was really hard at first for me... But now I don't even get the urge to check it. I just see things as ignorance is bliss, I can't get upset if I don't know what's going on in her life

Update:

I saw her today for the first time in roughly... 5 weeks. She looks like she lost weight.

I saw her at the gym that I go to (at school)... so I'm not so sure if I should continue to go there. It's not really an excuse to see her, but it's more that I've made gym buddies and have made it a routine to go there during a certain time... and now that school's started back again, what do you know, my gym time and her work schedule are the same. Fate, you suck.

She didn't see me though... or maybe she did?

She was behind a computer, but I think she recognized my voice. Regardless, her "the new guy that's just a friend" was there as well... and he doesn't work at the gym... so yeah.

Regardless, at first, my heart skipped a beat, but then, I was fine. It was like picking at a scab. It hurt a bit to see her, but I wanted to continue looking at her. Nevertheless, I just left.

I thought I'd be somewhat set back, but I feel just fine. I'm fine during the days... it's the nights that kill me.

Its tough seeing that person out and about. If it was me I would just go to a new gym, weighing a routine against seeing her more often, possible with new guy friend.

Nights are evil lol. I am good during the day. But when it gets dark... I just go downhill. So I feel you

I think what I'll do is... continue to go to the gym, but just not rent out a locker. She works in the equipment room, but if I don't rent out a locker, then I won't have to see her. The days she works the front desk... I'll try to avoid her. Yes. This is what I'll do.

The reason I do this is not to see her, but simply because I feel like I should not change my entire routine just because of her. I'm a bit stubborn that way...

Lol sounds like a plan, I was going to offer up something like that as well but I didn't want to get confusing. I'm a stubborn guy too, keep to your routine, don't let her upset your life. Even if you see her, smile and walk on by. She says something to you just be polite "how ya been? well i gotta go and get started, or get home etc" keep it short. Smile big, work hard, and be patient.

Update:

So it's been a few days... I've been out of commission due to a flu. I haven't been anywhere except the bathroom and my bed. It's a bit sad, really.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, "Sneezy, what happened to all those women that first contacted you when you became newly single?"

Don't worry a thing people... they're still there... sorta. I hang out with them every now and then... but I don't see anything really happening. I'm not so sure.

Weird thing is, my ex's friends and co-workers call to hang out with me... just us. At first, I thought... they're calling to find out things about me... but I did it anyway with much caution. I found out that they could care less about my personal life, as throughout dinner, they talked about their life and wanted to know how my classes and such were going. No personal talk whatsoever. So... I'm a bit confused. I see 3 - 4 of her friends/co-workers on a weekly basis for coffee/dinner/dessert.

Regardless, I'm doing much better as of right now emotionally... it's just that I'm sick... so physically my body's in the crapper. How's my ex doing? No clue. She contacts my best friend here and there, but after he didn't reply to her e-mail/text/phone call, I think she got the point.

Other than that, I recently found out that being single... is pretty good for my bank account. I'm the type of boyfriend that pays for.. EVERYTHING. I just took a look at my bank statement the other day, and this past month, I spent less than half that I normally do. So... I bought some clothes, got a haircut, bought myself some goodies. I know, shopping being therapeutic is a womanly thing... but I don't care. If buying myself a 37" lcd TV is girly... then so be it.

Yea, I hear you about the being a boyfriend who pays for everything, and now that I'm single... I actually shopped for clothes, nice ones that 2 of my good girl friends picked out ha ha... I suck at fashion, my ex was my fashion upkeep, but now I have 2 of them.. Still a little unsure of what to do with my situation.. I am keeping ansy and want to text her just to say hey, what's up.. but I know its wrong

update:

so it's been a few days...I've been out of commission due to a flu. I haven't been anywhere except the bathroom and my bed. It's a bit sad, really.

I know what a lot of you are thinking, "Sneezy, what happened to all those women that first contacted you when you became newly single?"

Don't worry a thing people...they're still there...sorta. I hang out with them every now and then...but I don't see anything really happening. I'm not so sure.

Weird thing is, my ex's friends and co-workers call to hang out with me...just us. At first, I thought...they're calling to find out things about me...but I did it anyway with much caution. I found out that they could care less about my personal life, as throughout dinner, they talked about their life and wanted to know how my classes and such were going. No personal talk whatsoever. So...I'm a bit confused. I see 3 - 4 of her friends/co-workers on a weekly basis for coffee/dinner/dessert.

Regardless, I'm doing much better as of right now emotionally...it's just that I'm sick...so physically my body's in the crapper. How's my ex doing? No clue. She contacts my best friend here and there, but after he didn't reply to her e-mail/text/phone call, I think she got the point.

Other than that, I recently found out that being single...is pretty good for my bank account. I'm the type of boyfriend that pays for..EVERYTHING. I just took a look at my bank statement the other day, and this past month, I spent less than half that I normally do. So...I bought some clothes, got a haircut, bought myself some goodies. I know, shopping being therapeutic is a womanly thing...but I don't care. If buying myself a 37" lcd tv is girly...then so be it.

Yeah, I'm hoping they pass that cool tax thing where everyone gets 800 dollars or something... that's going straight to a new TV... Ballin

So.

Minor setback. Talked to a friend of mine... where I found out two things: my ex and the new guy are really actually just friends... however, they're going on a trip together with another couple... and they're sharing a room together.

When I first heard about it, I almost threw up at the thought of it. 10 minutes later, I realized... so what? Granted, if I continue to think about it, I'll probably vomit, however, I'm not going to. I'll be fine.

I realized that I was so consummated by the whole "gotta keep myself busy" idea that I didn't take a step back and thought about what I might have done wrong in the relationship. I was dubbed "the perfect boyfriend" or "the best boyfriend ever" by her, her family, her friends, her co-workers, my friends, etc. But... obviously, something was off.

So I thought. I went back and took a look at the e-mail my ex sent me with reasons we broke up... and here goes:

1. I get jealous.

2. I held her back from some things she wanted to do.

3. We were too dependent on one another.

So I will work on these, along with my own personal goals.

1. As far as jealousy goes, I am USUALLY not jealous until I have this gut feeling that I need to feel jealous... and I trust my gut instinct... all the time. It's never failed me. I was jealous about this one guy... and lo and behold, he became "the new guy" So why wouldn't I trust my gut feeling? Regardless, I will try to NOT jump to conclusions in the future (for my next relationship)

2. I held her back. I scoffed at this... but it's true. I did hold her back... from her friends. The reason being... is because I hated her friends. They were a bit... high school-ish. All they cared about was getting wasted and gossipping... and I wasn't into that. I hate the club scene. My idea of having fun is... watching a movie, going out to dinner, going to a show. I just really don't like getting wasted or going to a club. Just don't. Not only that, her friends... are quite annoying. So every time she wanted to hang out with them, I said it was fine... I just wasn't going to go. Also, she wanted to go on a trip with them... so I told her that it was fine... I just didn't want to go. She's now going on the trip with "the new guy" So... that's what I held her back from. Her friends + the trip.

3. We were too dependent. I'll give her that... sorta. I'm a really independent person who doesn't like to depend on ANYONE for ANYTHING. I don't even like group projects in class or at work... I'm quite resourceful and I can usually get anything done on my own. However, I did depend on her for happiness and just that... "feel goodness" Ne-Yo said it all... "I'm a movement by myself...but I'm a force when we're together"

So there. I gave this relationship my all. And... I guess I shouldn't have. Usually, you're supposed to pick up the pieces that you had and move on... just this time, I have barely any pieces left. Regardless, I'm doing fine.

As far as my sickness, I'm doing MUCH better. Hope everyone's doing great.

Yeah, upon reviewing my performance... I guess you really aren't supposed to give it your all, but then I think, how can that be? I loved her so much. But yeah, I guess I made it all about her... even if she was needy, she's told me when we were together that she wants to be with me all the time, and she would get upset if I wanted to hang out with friends or whatever. So yeah, she's way too immature for what I brought to the table.

Anyway, Sneeze... I would try not to think about it, she's using that guy to make her not think about you. (just like my ex apparently) You said before that he was a tool, and I think most rebound guys are tools, the kind of guys where they say they'll do anything the girl wants after a month. This is probably just an "off" day for you. I know my day was... couldn't get my mind off her, but tomorrow will be better. And I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.

God bless you seneca for reading all that mess. I didn't expect anyone to.

Well, It's not much of an off day... or maybe it is, and I'm just that much better that it's not too bad. I don't know much about the new guy. Just what I heard from her friends, my friends, and some people in my class that know him. In their words, he is "sketchy and has cheated at least 3 times on his girlfriends"

So. Yeah.

I guess you really aren't supposed to give it your all,

For all the potential pain, and misery, we may have to go through, I believe that you have to give as much as you got, to make a relationship work. If not, why bother. We can still keep things in perspective, and be healthy, and balanced, but if its not worth the risk, it ain't worth the effort. The biggest regret you can ever have, is not giving it your best shot. That sucks as much as being dumped.

The biggest regret you can ever have, is not giving it your best shot.

I'll give you that. I know that if I didn't give it my all... then I wouldn't be able to look back on it and think, "Damn...I did a good job. it's her loss"

So. I can't sleep. It's a problem. I have to wake up at 7am for class. It could be because I found out that my ex will be sharing a bed with the new guy on her trip. It could also be the fact that I went online (student network) only to find who? That's right... my ex. And who else? New guy... on at the same time (shows you how long you've been on).

One side (her... and what she's telling other people) tells me that they're just friends. While other things (evidence... the way they act together) tells me that they're more than friends. Regardless, I am to get over it whichever way it is and act like it doesn't bother me... but it does. Drat.

I don't know if this helps but I share a bed with this girl friend of mine when I stay at hers or sometimes we go away together - nothing happens - we been friends for 8yrs or so now though. Sometimes they just like company and get lonely - doesn't mean funny business going on - although to be honest I 've always wanted to sleep with her... Umm my point is no matter his intentions she can still be telling the truth.

So.

Minor setback. Talked to a friend of mine...where I found out two things: my ex and the new guy are really actually just friends...however, they're going on a trip together with another couple...and they're sharing a room together.

You were doing good, and it's just a little setback, you will be OK though :)

This is what I would suggest, do not have your friends tell you anything about her. Cause you didn't need to hear that crap. Remember ignorance is bliss. :)

I'll give you that. I know that if I didn't give it my all...then I wouldn't be able to look back on it and think, "Damn...I did a good job. it's her loss"

Agreed

ISNEEZE... I was up right along with you at 4am this morning... DELTETING any and all contacts/reminders of my ex. (My story is in another post... ) I have heard nothing but that HE IS MISERABLE... (saw pics for myself) and multiple people confirm that he is not with anyone and not enjoying life very much.

Guess what? It doesn't matter. It is still painful to hear ANYTHING. I thought (and it did for a while) that hearing that he is unhappy would help me. Now I just don't want to know ANYTHING anymore. Time for me to worry about me and get on with it.

I hope you can do the same... it's difficult to let go... but it truly is Their LOSS. We did our best... and they didn't appreciate. WE DESERVE BETTER!

Stay away from the info. Nothing good can come of it... (trust me from experience... like I said, it's all "good news" for me... but it doesn't help at all.

We'll be just fine.

y'know...

I just finished watching 2 movies this past week. Both of them gave the clear-cut message: If you love someone, go after them.

In one of the movies, a girl broke up with a guy because he got way too clingy. She said, "I want to be a part of someone's life, not all of it." Her friend, who wants her to be happy with the guy, replied, "Sometimes, if you love something, you want to be surrounded by it." And the guy kept trying... over... and over... and over... and they finally fell in love.

... what bull honkies.

Don't. Believe. The Hype.

HA! If only life worked as it did in the movies. In reality that guy would have been slapped with a restraining order.

Update:

So... I'm getting better... but not 100%. Darn this flu.

I've been... not too busy. I try to stay busy, but being sick, all I want to do is stay in bed.

Went on a date yesterday... it was a bit weird. I was still a little sick so my game was a bit off... I was coughing a little. Conversation was good... we watched a movie afterwards at my place... but again, the sick thing may have thrown it a little off.

My ex's friends have been hitting on me. From what I understand, my ex and her friends don't really talk too much anymore after the breakup, as she has found a new group of friends with the new guy. So, it's been a little weird.

Also just remembered... that I had v-day planned extravagantly. I mean, I went all out. I got:

Spa treatment in the day
Dinner reservations at this place where I had to book it in MAY 2007. MAY!! This place is ridiculous.
Tickets to a show
Hotel reservations
Breakfast the next morning at another restaurant

... and I had to put deposits on the dinner, hotel, had to buy tickets in advance on this entire shenanigan. Oof.

It's only money sneeze , and remember how much you have saved on therapy.
Hope the plans for the big party are under way :-)

God should smote those who made facebook/myspace/my school network.

I don't check fbook, myspace, or things of that nature.

However, I DO check my school/work network that we have... and everyone has a buddy list of everyone within the network. Every now and then my ex gets on, and almost immediately after is the "new guy." I try not to think of it much, but I get the feeling that the conversation goes something like this:

EX: HEY, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
HIM: NOT BAD. YOU MISS ME?
EX: YEAH... COME OVER.

After 4 - 5 minutes, the new guy signs off... add 10 - 15 minutes of travel time... and my ex signs off. Like clockwork... almost every other day.

I wish I didn't see this, but I have no choice... it's the school/work network and it's not like I can just close the buddy list, and half the time, I need to be signed on as I'm doing something.

I don't think I'd be as weird about this if my ex just flat out admitted, YEAH, I'M SEEING THE NEW GUY 3 DAYS AFTER WE BROKE UP... but really, she's denied this to EVERYONE. It's absurd...

Don't let yourself get paranoid mate - your making up conversations in your head! Next you know your thinking of other things.. dont go there!! I know how you feel my ex has starting going out loads... and I'm pretty dam sure with this bloke/blokes she is certainly going on days out with him. But we got to keep telling ourselves who gives a shi* at the end of the day - this person is not the person we thought they were and it hurts but we should be glad we find out sooner rather than later. It does not automatically mean they are doing anything with other blokes - just liking male attention. And you are getting plenty of female attention by the sounds of things. Be strong my man! ROAR!

Update:

I saw my ex yesterday...

I was at the gym when it hit me... I had brought my backpack. I usually leave it in the car, but this time, I was on campus all day so I didn't have a chance to drop it off. So I needed a locker. Damn. I took a deep breath, and I went to the front desk, and I saw this girl with her back towards me, and I thought, "My ex doesn't have a sweater like that...maybe it's not her...hmm...she has a pretty cute body."

Then she turned around. It was my ex... with a new sweater. She was very friendly, said, "Hey! How are you?" I said, "hey, what's going on. I need a locker please." I got my locker, and I left.

That was it. Was it awkward? I'm sure it was... but... whatever. Not really a setback... just... happened.

Things are currently looking up for me. I just received a call about a business venture possibly happening in May, and this business venture will secure my financial stability for med school. I also just received a job offer that makes twice as much as I currently make. So it comes down to: business venture or job. I find out in March if the business venture goes through. ::fingers crossed::

Other than that, I'm doing fine in school, physically and emotionally stable, and just chugging along. Thanks to EVERYONE here at AMHD... I would list the people that helped me out here, but there're too many. Proof... NC works. This time, the ex didn't contact me back, HOWEVER, I am moving on with my life and zooming through it. Who knows, maybe the ex will contact me in a month or two... I don't count on it, but I guess we'll see.

Man I think you did that really really well ;)

My X tried to get into contact with me. I didn't even say anything if I met her face to face I would have just said hey what's up and left. There is nothing more to say man.

This is how I see it man your moving on as you say so fast with your life. And she is getting left back. In the cold and rain ;)

I use to work with one of my xs after we broke up that was fun seeing her everyday but it just makes you stronger which I'm sure this has made you feel

good luck to you

respect

Update:

I just got a call from one of my friends (ex's good friend... ) and she called up asking about what's going on with my ex... I obviously haven't spoken with my ex so I had no idea what was going on... and I asked her what was wrong and she claims:

... they don't talk anymore... my ex has completely stopped talking to any of her friends except her new guy, new guy's friend and girlfriend.

... she's been getting drunk every few days... and she actually never drank when she was with me. She was actually completely against the drinking idea.

Her reputation has gone down... quite a bit. People have been noticing her getting trashed and having to be carried out of places... and that's just not her. She had the rep of a saint.

... I know what I have to do... and that's to just stay put. She's a grown woman... she makes her own choices, she lives with them... just hurts to see someone so elegant go down this road...

I know how you feel Sneeze... My ex is talking to a guy at work and completely changing herself. She used to have a lot of friends at work that she would talk to, but now everyone says she is fake and talking about her behind her back and stuff. They say she has changed so much since the break up and is looking for acceptance from people. I just said, "well this is what she wanted. I'm not getting involved" The only people she thinks are her friends are these loser guys who are overweight and think that a girl laughing with them means she is into them. Those are one of her old best friends words, not mine. I just find it funny that I have made more friends and she is losing them... So we shall see what's next, but rest assured it won't be any contact coming from my side of the gate

Update:

So.. I had lunch with a friend yesterday who immediately asked, "How are you doing with the breakup?"

I thought, it's almost been 2 months... there's no reason for this... so I asked her why. Her reply was that people have been speculating the reason for the breakup. These are the following reasons that people are talking about:

1. I hit her.
2. I was TOO jealous of this one guy and she couldn't take it anymore.
3. I ignored her too often
4. I smothered her

... the only POSSIBLE true thing was #4... but that's because we spent a LOT of time together... so I mean, if I smothered her, she smothered me equally. We called as many times as each other, etc.

#1... is ridic. Anyone who knew me would laugh at this one. I treated this girl like she was the queen of my world. Gimme a break.

#2... hm. I was not "jealous" but simply asking why that guy was hanging around all the time... roughly a week before we broke up. I asked her about it twice... not in an accusing way, but simply, HEY... WHAT'S GOING ON? That's it.

#3 ignored her?? Gimme a break.

I suspect that it's her new guy's friends telling people half of this mess... which I really don't care much for. People know who I am and how I treated her, so it really doesn't matter what's being said. Just thought I'd share how ridiculous it all was.

Other things... I heard that my ex is "f-ing up her life" from her teammate. I didn't ask for details, but that's what I heard. No idea what's going on. On top of that, I heard that this new guy thing will go sour pretty soon as he's been seen with another girl quite frequently.

As far as my own life, it's going great. I'm really really enjoying my own time, keeping relatively busy due to school, work, and other activities. I'm even planning out a trip to europe in the summer.

Fantastic.

I'm even planning out a trip to europe in the summer.

fantastic.

That's cool, I was thinking about doing that... but I'm not sure if I'd want to alone.

ridiculous update:

so... I'm not sure why this week has been "let's talk about ISneezeFunny and his girl" week... but hey, why not?

Before I begin this long update, I must first thank my faithful readers. I know my life's relatively boring and mundane, but you guys keep reading it. Thanks.

Also, I must introduce some players in this update:

Can'tBeTrusted - my ex and my mutual friend. She is a bit of a gossip... so she can't be trusted. Nevertheless, she's a good friend.

UnBiasedFriend - she was in a really tight group with me, my best friend, and my ex. My ex and I broke up, UnBiasedFriend graduated early... so we all pretty much went our own ways. In my 4 years of knowing her, she has been extremely good at giving unbiased advice. If I mess up, she definitely says, "Sneezy, you effed up."

my best friend - my best friend

my ex - my ex

OK. So I'm running errands today and I get a call from UnBiasedFriend... I haven't spoken to her in a week or two, but her call is always welcomed. She calls me to tell me about this drama that just happened yesterday. Apparently, there was a huge party in which most of my school went to (I did not attend as I was at a friend's place).

Regardless, my ex, new guy, Can'tBeTrusted, and many others were there. Can'tBeTrusted was dumped by her boyfriend about a year ago, but he doesn't leave her alone. He has moved on, but will call her and say, "you know, today would be our 2-year anniversary" and just jackass-things. Can'tBeTrusted's ex boyfriend comes up to her, and says random things and makes her cry (she's a bit emotional). Can'tBeTrusted runs out of the club crying... and my ex follows to comfort her.

At this point, Can'tBeTrusted looks at my ex and says something... like... this:

Why are you out here? We haven't spoken in 2 months because you're always with your new guy. You don't even treat me like a friend anymore. You know what you did to Sneeze? That was f-ed up. You think you're high and mighty but you're actually pretty filthy for what you did. I can't believe you even have the balls to come outside in public after what you did. You think you're so secretive and still keeping up your innocence, but people ALL talk about you... and NO ONE likes you for what you did. Call up your friends and ask them if they're OK with what you did. Not only what you did was bad, you didn't even tell ANY of your close friends about the new guy. Sneeze treated you extremely well, and you PROBABLY won't find anyone to treat you as well as he will, but fine, you got tired of him, then at least tell your friends about it. Are you going to deny that you're with the new guy? Are you going to say you're with him? (at this point, my ex is speechless) Yeah, that's what I thought. NO ONE approves of you anymore. NO ONE approves of the new guy either. He's an idiot and he's going to hurt you and when he does, NO ONE will be there for you. NO ONE respects you anymore for what you did. Get back to the club. I really don't need friends like you.

... is that NOT ridiculous? I heard this entire bit... from UnBiasedFriend, who got a call from one of the witnesses of this debacle. Was it necessary? Not at all...

After hearing this, I really don't know what to say or do. Short answer is... nothing. I shouldn't do jack. But I can see this coming back to me REALLY soon. Duck and hide boys and girls... duck and hide.

Update:

So last night, I had a few people over as we were studying for our practical in one of our classes. In the group were some of my ex's friends (our mutual friends). Anyway, we're studying... it gets to be around 3am... and suddenly, one of my friend goes missing. I check my room to see her clutching her stomach and writhing in pain in my bed.

I checked for the usual suspects... appendix, spleen, liver, heart, etc. Nothing seems to be REALLY wrong except for her pain. I suggested the hospital, but she declined... said that it'll get better soon. The pain subsided a few minutes later, but she still remained relatively immobile.

She asked to spend the night so I said that it was fine... we've slept together in the same bed before when we went on trips and such with our group of friends... and nothing's ever happened, so I didn't see anything wrong with it. She and I have been close for almost 4 years now, so... yeah.

Anyway, she kept me up most of the night due to her pain, but around 7 am, she went to sleep. I woke up at 8 am due to class, and found my arm around her, cuddling. I was also holding hands with her (interlocking). So I thought, that's weird. I let go, showered, told my roommate that she was there, and left.

I call her later that day to see if she's doing better (she was) and then as I was about to say, "ok, hope you get better, bye," she said... "I have a confession. I don't know if you noticed you were holding me last night...well...I did that"

Hm. Now, don't get me wrong. She's an attractive and fun girl... but she's been extremely close to my ex and me... so I always saw her as my little sister... type... deal. All in all, I just told her that I felt uncomfortable doing anything with her due to her friendship with my ex... and that I just really like hanging out with her. She said that was fine, and she apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable... and I said that I was fine, and that I'm glad she told me how she felt.

Side note: she currently hates my ex due to how she handled the entire breakup... and hasn't talked to my ex since the breakup. But still... I just feel kind of dirty if anything ever happened between me and her.

This will lead me to a new topic on this forum: What's the "dirtiest" thing you've done out of revenge..

Oops update:

So... I had one of my friends over last night. We were studying... and she had some sort of a project she was doing so she was burning the midnight oil. Anyway, I went to bed earlier and she ended up spending the night. Again, another girl... but I've also slept in the same bed with this girl with nothing happening... so nothing seemed awkward.

... fast forward to 5am... we end up kissing a little... halfway into it, she looks at me and asks, "are you still hung up on your ex?".. btw, she's a mutual friend of my ex and me. I said, "hung up? not quite...am I ready to start another relationship? absolutely not." at this, she got EXTREMELY upset... and started yelling at me saying that I used her... and yelling:

Her: What makes you think I'm that kind of girl?
Me: uh... I don't..
Her: so you thought you could just use me and nothing would come about?
Me: uh... no. but... you really thought that us making out would make us be in a relationship?
Her: ugh, idiot
Me: me?
Her: no, me.

... so this is at 5am. I am tired. I am cranky. I am not used to dealing with "the talk" at 5am. Not only that, we just kissed... for about 10 minutes. So I just go to sleep, just dismissing her crazy antics as just that... crazy.

Around 7, she asks me to drop her off back home, which I did... and it was a silent ride.

1. I know I'm in the wrong. I shouldn't have made out with her... but I did. That was my bad.
2. I sort of should have let her know my intentions beforehand... but really, I didn't get much of a chance.
3. Am I way out of line thinking this girl's really out of it? She flipped a nugget when I said, I'm not really ready for a relationship right now... which didn't imply that I wouldn't be later on... I could. Give me some female insight on this... because I don't think she's talking to me anymore.

Lol... tell these girls to go home and sleep in their own bed!! Lol. That way you don't have to deal with their drama.

1. I know I'm in the wrong. I shouldn't have made out with her... but I did. That was my bad.

This started by being in the same bed, you need a couch for guests who sleep over, LOL!

2. I sort of should have let her know my intentions beforehand... but really, I didn't get much of a chance.
I think she set you up, to deflect the blame of being your overnight guest, and give her something juicy to tell her g/f.

3. Am I way out of line thinking this girl's really out of it? She flipped a nugget when I said, I'm not really ready for a relationship right now... which didn't imply that I wouldn't be later on... I could. Give me some female insight on this... because I don't think she's talking to me anymore.
That has little to do with it as maybe she felt rejected, and lashed out at you, can't wait for the update, as she is a nut, but you have learned a lesson in thinking ahead, and avoiding this situation in the future.

OK. I THOUGHT she was a nut... but I wasn't sure... I sat there questioning myself at 7am thinking,. have I really lost my touch with women that it's gotten this bad?

I have a feeling she feels used because we kissed and nothing stemmed from that. She really believes that once two people kiss, it's relationship time. Anyway, hopefully she'll talk to me again soon... because she's a pretty good friend.

Sneeze:

Just read the entire post and this completely reminds me of what happened to me in college. 1) Believe it or not but all of your ex's girlfriend want you as their BF, 2) the new guy is the rebound, tell you why, she is drinking which she didn't do, its her release valve and 2) if she really was into this guy everyone would know. His days are numbered.

I am pretty sure it will follow the same pattern as mine but I felt the need for vengeance and slept with a few of my ex's friends who then got pissed at me because I didn't want to date them afterward, remember pussycats compete. 1 year later she calls and wants to start things up again, by then I was over her.

Just got back from a date.

I've been attracted to this girl for the past month or so. I didn't go up to her because she was WAYYY out of my league. She is... extremely gorgeous... to the point modeling agencies are constantly calling her. She's something between megan fox + jennifer love hewitt. Anyway, I finally get the balls to ask her to this thing at a local upscale bar... we go, we talk, but overall...

She was constantly texting on her phone...
She just seemed bored/unhappy (however, she looks like she's always angry. Always)
On the way home... she just kind of got crazy. Just did... weird... childish (maybe?) things to get attention... for example, she stopped a stranger and said, "is your refrigerator running?"

... which is... kinda funny... but not? I don't really know. I'm 21... but many tell me I act like I'm 27... I run my own business... I go to school full time... and I have another part time job... so I never did the crazy party thing... and I have no urge to do so. But yeah, she just seemed extremely attention seeking and a bit... too outrageous for me.

Near the end of the night, I just kept quiet while she just did stupid things and laughed at herself... and when I dropped her off, she gave me a half-hearted hug and said, "So, did I annoy you enough for today?"

... I just said "thanks for coming out" and left.. . yeah.

I'm going to see her again on Monday for class... so we'll see how this goes. But yeah. That was my update.

p.s. - that girl who flipped a nugget last night (this morning) called. I didn't pick up.

Sneeze, I'm sure you're familiar with the Hot/Crazy ratio chart... typically the hotter the girl, the more crazy she is, so a 9 or a 10 is most likely batsh!t crazy. She may be fun for a time, but usually conversation goes nowhere and she gets annoying... My goal in life is to find a 7 or an 8, and hope she's got a decent head on her shoulders.

And try not to worry about that nut... I'm sure you feel guilty but its not like you planned that happening, she's a girl in your bed, what did she expect; its just as much her fault as it is yours. I don't really have any advice for this, but I can understand why you didn't pick up.

My gf and I broke up 3 days ago. We are in our early 20s. We go to the same school and have the same friends. The thing is, I made the ultimate mistake. I developed my entire life around her. I have a few friends (3 - 4) that I hang out with on occasion. But my day includes: classes, work, dinner with her, rest of the night with her. The days she isn't with me (when she hangs out with her friends) I am hanging out with mine. Truth is, she has more friends than me and she goes out more than I do...mainly because when she goes out, I have other things to do such as clean my apartment, laundry, go grocery shopping, other errands. So yeah. My bad on that.

In the 3 years we have been together, we have never fought. We have had small arguments here and there, but nothing big at all. No yelling, no hitting, nothing. We get along extremely well to the point her friends envy our relationship. Hell, her relatives envy our relationship.

The Breakup

The past week, she has been really stressed due to exams and competition (she is the captain of a certain team). So when she seemed a bit off, I just brushed it off. Over the weekend, I got a call from a (guy) friend of hers that she collapsed and was in the ER. I went there, found out she was just exhausted from stress. I took her home, took care of her, stayed up all night and made sure she ate, slept, etc. Next day, I take her back to her place, drop her off, and I went out to get some food for her. i come back and she is surrounded by her friends. No biggie...cept that she somewhat shafted me for her friends when I got back. So I left, I had things to do...but I don't get a call from her til 1am. This is very unusual as she usually calls me 3 - 4 times a day..but again, I brushed it off...she just got back from the hospital. she's tired. she's around her friends.

Next day, I ask her what's going on...why things have been happening in the manner that it has. She tells me that she herself has no idea why. She has noticed that as well, but had no clue. She wanted to take winter break (which was coming in 2 weeks) to find out what was wrong, but now that I brought it up, she wanted to take a break. I asked, what kind? she said, the kind where we talk and hang out, but we're not a couple. I immediately thought, bad idea. I suggested that we break up. So we break up.

Didn't sleep that night.

Post break up.

day 1 of BU (breakup), i find myself constantly checking phone/e-mail/etc. I don't call. I just check. I am told by my friend that she has at least 4 people with her at a given time...she is not allowed to be left alone. Apparently, she is a train wreck. I feel bad. I don't do anything. later, I walk out of the lib and find her walking with a guy that I was suspicious of...and she knew that I was. I call her, and she explains that he's been assigned by a friend to walk with her...apparently they take turns walking with her. fine.

i asked for a reason why we broke up. she said that she needs time to think. someone should make a t-shirt out of that phrase. i've had bad breakups before. I know it sucks for a while. I expected it, but not during finals week. this f-ing blows. can't study.

However, I am doing what sdjosh, samesame, mackenzie, etc are saying on here. NO CONTACT. I knew that. I don't initiate contact. drives me crazy, but i do it.

day 2 of BU. she decided that she is going to call me...everyday. she even said so. she said that she'll call me until i tell her not to. ball in my court. another t-shirt idea. i tell her that i will not call her. 4 hours later, i call her asking an innocuous question (i was curious to know the answer!!!) about her friend. that is all. we haven't talked since.

I hear that she's still a train wreck from my friends. doesn't eat. doesn't sleep. My idea is that she wants to take winter break to think about things. at this point, i'm hitting the gym. working on me. i'm doing everything I can to stay busy.

I will see her two more times in the next week (1: mutual friend's birthday is this week...so dinner. 2: we are meeting up this weekend to give each other some stuff back that we've left at each other's places)

my question is...

what do I tell her about the calling me daily thing? Granted, I love the fact that she calls me everyday. I wait for it. When she does call me, I act like an a-hole and I am very cold/distant. but should I just simply say, don't call me? I was planning on not calling her at all. maybe txting her on christmas to say merry christmas or new year's...but is THAT even wrong? help?

Disclaimer: I just read the post...it seems like she's somewhat of a jerk...but really, I just don't have the patience and the energy to type every little detail about us. Trust me, we treat each other equally in affection and respect. She is very sweet. I want to say that I'm in somewhat of the same boat as everyone else here...cept that she just makes it clear that she wants to take some time off, only reason she didnt want me to wait for her was that it'd be unfair for me. so yeah.
Game Playing 101 - Who has the upper hand this week, who the next. Sit down and be REAL.
Define your feelings regardless of hers. She should do the same. I don't buy this "I don't know how I feel or what's wrong" "I need time to think" Your gut tells you what is right or wrong in a New York minute. There is a little too much drama being paid here. I want her to call me .but when she does I treat her like an a hole... whats THAT all about??

Well... cozyk... sorry to say, it's been 2 months since the breakup. And... yeah, we haven't spoken. So... yeah. Apparently, she's going on a trip with the new guy in march. The new guy is KNOWN to be a cheater (record has it that he has cheated on 9 out of 11 of his previous girlfriends)... so I just don't care what happens.

I'm currently just hanging out, enjoying life, and dealing with the mass of girls hitting on me... and I'm also dealing with girls that I WANT to hit on. Woof.

well...cozyk...sorry to say, it's been 2 months since the breakup. and...yeah, we haven't spoken. so...yeah. apparently, she's going on a trip with the new guy in march. the new guy is KNOWN to be a cheater (record has it that he has cheated on 9 out of 11 of his previous girlfriends)...so I just don't care what happens.

I'm currently just hanging out, enjoying life, and dealing with the mass of girls hitting on me...and I'm also dealing with girls that I WANT to hit on. woof.

Too bad she has hooked up with a cheater. Even though you two have broken up, just out of common decency , I would think that you would care if ANYONE was being "shat upon" or at least had a pretty good chance of being shat upon. I am glad that you are enjoying your life. Keep it simple as you have a lot of school ahead of you. Don't leave a string of broken hearts in your wake.

Update:

... so far, I've been having a relatively dry spell. I'm not counting, but honestly, the past 3 girls I went on a date with...

1. turned out to be crazy and made me breakfast + did my laundry (weird)

2. turned out to be crazy and got REALLY angry when I told her I wasn't really interested in a serious relationship right now. I understand if she was upset... but she got downright PISSED.

3. turned out to be boring.

I have another date tomorrow night. I'm REALLY hoping this one goes well because I actually like this girl a LOT. She's been a friend of mine for the past 3 years... but we never actually spent time together.

Pros:

- she's very attractive
- she's very independent. I had asked her out to lunch 2 weeks ago and she wouldn't let me pay for her lunch. Refused.
- she's very intelligent. Currently works as an I-banker making 6 figures (she's 21)

In a way, we compliment each other in the way we are... many think we're just different gender versions of one another. Perhaps. Last time we had lunch, we talked for 2 - 3 hours over a sandwich. Anyway, I'll let you guys know how it goes!

Update:

Just got back from the date.

I had... a really really good time. We didn't stop talking. She wasn't boring in any way shape or form...

1. we went to the local museum where they were having an event (not a tour, but more like a wine + cheese thing... and you can walk around the museum while doing that)

2. then we went for dessert.

We had.. very many things in common. Only thing that really took me back was that she's never been in a relationship before. Ever. So that was interesting. She had this idea that I was a bit of a player and I've been in a lot of relationships... so I told her that it wasn't true... she wanted to talk about my exes... we avoided that topic.

Talked about what we're doing after graduation... our goals in life... favorite food... music... our families... our jobs...

Overall, I think it went well... at the end of the date, I walked her to her apartment, hugged, said bye. She sent me a text saying "thanks for tonight I had fun"

Overall it was a good date, but I'm not so sure she felt the same way... or if she's just being nice. After that whole "I've never had a boyfriend"... I'm not even so sure that she took tonight as a date, as she could have taken it as just two friends going out for dinner. Perhaps. Not sure.

Regardless, I had a good time. Sweet.

Don't worry about it Sneeze (I know you're not). If its supposed to happen it will, either that or the next date will be a bummer, lol. The whole never been in a relationship thing may have thrown me through a loop too.

I've got kind of a sweet date tomorrow too, she's cute, sarcastic, kind of rude, basically me if I were a woman... yet she always pulls that "im not cute." thing... annoying...

Anyway, happy to hear you had a good time.

I'm having such a good time that I can't stop grinning.

It's weird. I haven't been on a "date" in 8 years... because I haven't been single in 8 years.

I was "getting ready"... which consisted of showering and shaving, and my roommate looks at me and goes, "...so you look like you're about to lose your virginity tonight"... @ssface. Apparently, I was giddy and nervous.

This girl's ridiculously cute, REALLY sweet, and just overall a really happy and nice person.. . I... don't consider myself too attractive. I don't consider myself sweet. I'm not really a happy/nice person (people compare me to dr. gregory house on house md) but... we still click and we agree on a LOT of things.

Hee hee

ME NEITHER!!

... I feel like a little schoolgirl.

You're cute when you giggle.

I wouldn't be too worried about her never been in a relationship status. Maybe she is very particular. How old is she? My daughter is 21. She is in her first real relationship. She is the kind of girl that values her own company and did not care to "waste" her time just for sport. If she gives you her attention, you can believe she likes you.

Maybe your cute, funny, independent, easy to talk to, goal oriented girl is the same way. Just be real, kind, thoughtful, and you will be okay. Even if this one doesn't end up being THE one, you know that THIS is the kind of girl you want . Be the kind of person that you want to be with and she will show up.

I sound like a mother don't I? That's because I am. I'm not too old to remember that giddy feeling though. It is the best isn't it? Good luck and keep us updated. I never knew guys were going through the same thing girls go through.

Do you realise how far you've come in just a few months? You are a great example of how to cope with adversity, and it makes me happy, that your happy. I hope you will enjoy getting to know this young lady, and letting her get to know you. Don't be in a hurry, and keep it honest. You will either make agreat friend or uncover a lot of potential, and never forget she has never experienced a relationship, so be very realistic with your own expectations as females are UNPREDICTABLE, as you have found out. Hm, so are you, when I think about it. LOL!

Haha, thanks guys. She is 21. I am 22. I actually had to think back to all those "rules" I learned about dating... when I was in high school. I'm pretty sure I acted like I had no idea what I was doing last night. Regardless, I hope to ask her out again sometime next week.

Tal: y'know, I look back and I think... it's only been 2 months. But... I feel good.

Another weird update is that my ex from the past (my ex before this ex) called me to catch up. Felt it was completely out of the blue... haven't spoken to her in a year or so... she wanted to meet up, but I had a pretty busy week so I told her... raincheck.

I'll keep you guys posted on what happens this week.

You really sound like you're doing well... good for you!!

Feel better and keep taking care of you... I think that shopping is good for the soul... even a man's soul.

Be good to Sneezy!!

ISneezeFunny: Damn, I'm so happy you are doing so great. I hope that someday soon I will be in your position.

As for this new girl, I agree with Tal. Take it slow and don't have any expectations. If I've learned anything from my past relationships is that you need to take things slow. Get to know her, then if you want date her for a few months, then if you're ready get into a relationship. Good luck and keep us posted.

I am DEFINITELY taking it slow.

To be honest, right now, I feel like a little schoolgirl... I want to get on the phone, call her, and set up another date for this week.

However... I will refrain. I won't even follow the 3 day rule.

I'll call her on Wednesday to see if she's busy Saturday night for dinner... or Sunday brunch at a local garden nearby.

I think that's a very good call. Oh and remember, there are no rules when it comes to this stuff. Only guidelines :)

I won't even follow the 3 day rule.

What's "the 3 day rule"? The only one I know of is the time one has to back out of a contract or major sale. There's one for dating too??

*continuation of the rep on confused25*

Thought...

Don't be awkward. Don't be too sarcastic. Don't make weird comments. Quit staring at her face too long and smiling. Am I smiling too hard? Wait. Uh oh. Silence has gone on too long. This is getting awkward. Quit smiling at her! Say something! Crap!

The 3-day rule in dating is...

Once you go on a date, you should wait 3 days before you call her again for another date. Day 1 and 2 after the date seems too desperate. Day 4 and 5... she'll think you weren't interested.

Don't stress about the dates. Just relax and have fun. Honestly, getting the girl is not that hard if there is a true connection there, keeping her around is where things get difficult. (At least in my experience)

Seriously, if anything will happen between you two then it will occur naturally. Remember the number one thing women love is confidence, and it sounds like you have plenty of that.

Wednesday is the latest I would call for a Saturday night date. I think it is so sweet how you are so excited. You must be a very nice guy to care about this girl that seems to be a "good girl". You are not so eager to love-em and leave-em. You want to get to know her slowly. I like that and she will too.

My son told me about this 3 day rule thing and I think it's a little crazy and a little dumb. I think that if any guy waited 3 days to call me, there would be no second date. I used to like a call about 2 days, not the next day and not in 3 days... my hubby also broke all the rules and asked me for our second date in the middle of our first date. So rules are made to be broken.

My son told me about this 3 day rule thing and I think it's a little crazy and a little dumb. I think that if any guy waited 3 days to call me, there would be no second date. I used to like a call about 2 days, not the next day and not in 3 days......my hubby also broke all the rules and asked me for our second date in the middle of our first date. So rules are made to be broken.

When it comes to dating there are definitely no rules, only guidelines. What matters is that there is an obvious connection between two people. You shouldn't have to convince the person to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. It will come naturally.

I completely agree with the 3-day rule being a bit weird...

However, I have heard a lot from my female friends as they sometimes get a bit weirded out about guys asking them out on a second date almost immediately. It apparently makes the guy seem too available... and in turn makes it a turn off. I don't make the rules ladies... I just follow the guidelines.

When did these "guidelines" come about? We never had any during the Dark Ages and we even married each other (eventually) back then.

Just got back from my date... I shouldn't really be updating my situation on Sneeze's thread, but I don't he'll mind...

Pretty much a bummer of a date... haha, she shows up buzzed (at least) and long story short, she's interested in one thing (my penis)... goodness, if I were a weaker man... I told her that I'm sorry, but I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, and then I left... she texted me later saying that I was an @sshole, and that she would have "rocked my world". I didn't text back... perhaps if I was also drunk then maybe she would have indeed rocked it... but I highly doubt it.

Kind of makes me think of my ex though... we had a perfect first date... oh well, that's all said and done.
Yet the dialouge during this evening wasn't too bad... just her morals... sometimes I wish I was a scumbag, lol.

Jesus ihatewestseneca... forget "bummer of a date"... that seemed like the date from hell.

Don't worry about it, keep your head up. I had to go through some crazies (muffin girl + crazy-yell-at-me-after-we-kissed girl) before I met this one.

ISneezeFunny agrees: and I'm pretty sure they looked DOWN on divorce right? There weren't any billboards that said "divorces starting at $500!!! CALL NOW!" right?

Actually, yes, we did, and no, there weren't.

I suspect anyone under 35 today would be totally lost in the world we used to live in. Dad went to work and came home for supper, Mom did the laundry and baked cupcakes before she made a wonderful supper that was on the table at 5:30 or so, the children did their homework after school and played outdoors until dark (and were all accounted for at the suppertable), and then the family together watched a couple of TV variety shows (on one of the three channels available) before reasonable bedtimes.

Yes, it happened that way. I was there, first-person narrative.

Forget rules, and guidelines, when dealing with a female. If she likes what your cooking with, she will sit at the table, and if she don't, It won't matter.

Update...

Characters involved:

Ex #1 - my most recent ex
Ex #2 - my ex before ex #1
Friend - my friend I went to lunch with
New girl - girl I'm currently enamored with
Oops - girl from my "oops" update (post 137) (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-14.html)

So. So many things. Where do I begin? First off, ex #1 texted me to tell me happy birthday. (it's my birthday today). I didn't respond... mainly because then I would have to respond to 20 some odd people who sent me the same birthday wishes.

Secondly, ex #2 recently called (last week) just to say HI... I haven't spoken to her in about a year or so... so I thought it was weird she was calling. But I brushed it off thinking it didn't mean anything... and I didn't even bother posting it on here.. . well, she called again, telling me happy birthday, and that we should get together for dinner soon.. . weird? Yes. She's currently living with her new boyfriend but I get the feeling things aren't working well between those two... I'm COMPLETELY over her, and I also don't want to meddle with her new relationship, so for now, I will just play it safe.

Third, I went to lunch with a friend. This friend is close to ex #1. We went to lunch... and she was telling me how ex #1 is upset that I'm still not talking to her.

Me: That's weird... why would she be? She's with a new guy.
Friend: she's not with the new guy.
Me: she's def lying to you. He sleeps over
Friend: but that doesn't mean things are happening
Me:... the new guy is going around telling people that they've hooked up and are about to become official soon...
Friend: REALLY?
Me: yeah...

Friend: so... wanna tell me what happened with OOPS?
Me: (drops fork)... huh?
Friend: I heard about it.
Me: (panic) (indigestion) (urge to vomit) uh oh.
Friend: she hates you
Me: WHY? We only kissed. NOTHING else happened. She expects us to be in a relationship??
Friend: it's because you were her first kiss
Me:... (runs to the bathroom to throw up)

... I actually didn't throw up, but I could have. Good god. What have I done.

I feel absolutely filthy for what happened... best way to fix this is to talk to OOPS and try to explain everything, but as of right now, it's been a week since it's happened... I'm not so sure talking to her will do anything. Regardless, I will talk to her and try to explain what happened and apologize for it. Damn.

Afterwards, I told FRIEND about NEW GIRL and she was happy for me... and asked why I haven't called her yet. I thought... "girls don't like it when guys call the day after" She disagreed... told me that she's probably freaking out about why I haven't called yet...

After much haggling, she convinced me to call NEW GIRL tomorrow to ask her out for dinner for Wednesday night. By me asking her to dinner Wednesday, it should tell her that I'm definitely interested in her, and it should tell me if she's interested in me. We'll see what happens.

Sorry this post was so long... but I felt like... everything's happening on all aspects, and you guys wouldn't get the full effect of what just happened today (on my birthday of all days) if I didn't tell the whole story. Yikes.

And MY birthdays are sooooooo boring...

(Happy Birthday, Sneeze!)

Happy birthday guy, many more, birthdays as you seem to have toooooooo many girls. But whose counting? Leave oops alone for now, she'll get over it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY... and Happy dating while I am at it..

Birthdays are the big excuse ex'es use to re-kindle. Many many moons ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. After mourning for a bit, I decided to play it cool because I had a plan. We broke up around March something. I knew he had a birthday in June, so I just lived my life in peace knowing I could make my move in June. This was in the late 70's so there was no texting etc. My plan, I would send him a birthday card, he would be touched, interest aroused, have a legit reason to call me without losing face, and the whole relationship would start up again.

Worked like a charm. Everything I thought would happen, happened. We started dating again. Still. After a few months it fizzled again. Guess it wasn't meant to be.

My point, there is nothing like a birthday to use as an excuse to test the waters.

Firstly Happy Birthday! I have to say sneeze I'm a little jealous! I think your ex dumped you just before mine but only a week or so maybe and you seem to have no problems getting dates and such. I know your not over her yet but you seem to be open to new relationships and dating and have no problem asking girls out - that's great. Wish I could be that confident right now...

Wow... I just read this whole thread.

So for now, I'm just going to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

And now I'm going to wait on an update about NEW GIRL. Good luck!

And BTW, no wonder so many girls are after you! You're funny... AND you actually PAY for things? I wouldn't know what to do with myself in that situation. I'm always stuck paying for EVERYTHING when BF and I go out. He never has any money...

no wonder so many girls are after you! You're funny

He's the cat's meow, isn't he. The bee's knees. The cream in our coffee. The frosting on our cupcake. The sizzle in our steak.

And BTW, no wonder so many girls are after you! You're funny... AND you actually PAY for things? I wouldn't know what to do with myself in that situation. I'm always stuck paying for EVERYTHING when BF and I go out. He never has any money... [/QUOTE]

Another subject but , boyfriend doesn't have money because he doesn't have too. You have taught him how to treat you. He is taking advantage of you. Don't allow him to.

Another subject but , boyfriend doesn't have money because he doesn't have too. You have taught him how to treat you. He is taking advantage of you. Don't allow him to.


Actually no. He pays child support. He got screwed in court and pays more than he should have to. He works construction so work is slow right now. He is picking up some side jobs to help out but it's not enough.

Actually no. He pays child support. He got screwed in court and pays more than he should have to. He works construction so work is slow right now. He is picking up some side jobs to help out but it's not enough.

For a second, I thought you were talking about me. I read the post and thought, "No I don't...crazy lady"

for a second, I thought you were talking about me. I read the post and thought, "No I don't...crazy lady"


ROFLMAO

Happy Birthday sneeze :-)

Happy Birthday, Sneeze.. may you get lucky.

Happy Birthday my friend, you deserve it.

thank you ALL for the warm birthday wishes. Sadly, I have 2 midterms this week and a major paper due... so no celebrating until... next week (maybe).

so. I called NEW GIRL today around 9pm. First of all... I called, phone rang half of a full ring, and then disconnected. I thought... weird. If she rejected, then it would have gone to v-mail. So instead, I called again. Same thing.

At this point, I'm thinking... why. Damn. So I texted her "My phone apparently hates you and won't connect fully so I'm not sure if you got my call. Anyways, how are you?"

She calls me later and this is how our conversation went:

Me: Hey! How are you?
NG: I'm good, you?
Me: busy, but I'm doing well. How was your week?
NG: pretty good.. then goes on to tell me about her week.
Me: You have a busy week ahead of you?
NG: Yeah, pretty busy... at least until next week.
Me: Oh, I was calling to see if you had any time to grab some dinner this week.

... this is where the $hit hits the fan.

NG: Sneezy, we have to set some ground rules. First of all, if we do dinner, we can't do it Friday as I already have plans. Secondly, we have to go out as friends, and you have to let me pay for myself.

At this point, I'm stuck on "we have to go out as friends..."

I was expecting "yeah, i'd love to..." or "actually, sorry, I'm pretty busy"

did... not... expect... that.

So I was running it through my head, and then I hear, "Sneezy? You there?"

Me: Oh yeah, sorry, I'm not used to a response like that.
NG: yeah... so... ok?
Me: yeah... um... yeah... uh... why do you insist on paying?
NG: because friends don't pay for each other all the time
Me: well, I just felt it was prerogative to pay for you since I asked you out
NG: yeah, but seeing as we're just friends

... at this point, I hear the screams in my head yelling GET OUT NOW! BAIL OUT! BAIL OUT!

Me: oh... I see...
NG: yeah...
Me: yeah... um..
NG: OK, bye sneezy
Me: yeah, bye.

... a metaphorical truck metaphorically hit my metaphorical face.

it's not TOO much of a downer, I mean... it's just a rejection, not that big of a deal... it's just that I REALLY liked this girl and was looking forward to getting to know her more. Also, she is about one of the few nicest/happiest people I know, so it was really good to know her as a friend... and I feel like I made that a bit awkward.

Granted, guys risk the friendship whenever he asks a girl out, but... yeah.

so. It's a rough week. Was looking forward to seeing her... it would have made my week a WHOLE lot better. But no worries my friends. No worries. There are more fish in the sea.

... just that... this fish was really pretty. =(

thank you ALL for the warm birthday wishes. Sadly, I have 2 midterms this week and a major paper due...so no celebrating until...next week (maybe).

so. I called NEW GIRL today around 9pm. First of all...I called, phone rang half of a full ring, and then disconnected. I thought...weird. If she rejected, then it woulda gone to v-mail. So instead, I called again. Same thing.

At this point, I'm thinking...why. damn. So I texted her "My phone apparently hates you and won't connect fully so I'm not sure if you got my call. Anyways, how are you?"

She calls me later and this is how our convo went:

Me: Hey! How are you?
NG: I'm good, you?
Me: busy, but I'm doing well. How was your week?
NG: pretty good..then goes on to tell me about her week.
Me: You have a busy week ahead of you?
NG: Yeah, pretty busy...at least until next week.
Me: Oh, I was calling to see if you had any time to grab some dinner this week.

...this is where the $hit hits the fan.

NG: Sneezy, we have to set some ground rules. First of all, if we do dinner, we can't do it Friday as I already have plans. Secondly, we have to go out as friends, and you have to let me pay for myself.

At this point, I'm stuck on "we have to go out as friends..."

I was expecting "yeah, i'd love to..." or "actually, sorry, I'm pretty busy"

did...not...expect...that.

So I was running it through my head, and then I hear, "Sneezy? You there?"

Me: Oh yeah, sorry, I'm not used to a response like that.
NG: yeah...so...ok?
Me: yeah...um...yeah...uh...why do you insist on paying?
NG: because friends don't pay for each other all the time
Me: well, I just felt it was prerogative to pay for you since I asked you out
NG: yeah, but seeing as we're just friends

...at this point, I hear the screams in my head yelling GET OUT NOW!! BAIL OUT! BAIL OUT!

Me: oh...I see...
NG: yeah...
Me: yeah...um..
NG: ok, bye sneezy
Me: yeah, bye.

...a metaphorical truck metaphorically hit my metaphorical face.

it's not TOO much of a downer, i mean...it's just a rejection, not that big of a deal...it's just that I REALLY liked this girl and was looking forward to getting to know her more. Also, she is about one of the few nicest/happiest people I know, so it was really good to know her as a friend...and I feel like I made that a bit awkward.

Granted, guys risk the friendship whenever he asks a girl out, but...yeah.

so. it's a rough week. was looking forward to seeing her...it woulda made my week a WHOLE lot better. but no worries my friends. no worries. there are more fish in the sea.

...just that...this fish was really pretty. =(


Pretty fish is taking control, she knows exactly what she is doing.. showing you her independency along with showing you she is in no rush and wants to start with a friendship..

I'm not so sure if she's saying that she wants to start as friends... or if she's just flat out saying, "No. sorry"

I'm taking it as... "no. sorry"

Don't know about you, but me, I'm going out with her, and she's paying, Man that's heaven. Friends is cool for a second date. Give her my PM, oh wait I can't, the wife would kill me. Back in the day she would have a date, and I'd make sure she enjoyed it. Sorry Sneeze, she sounds like a dream come true.

Ahahahaha! Oh man. Did hit the fan and then, proceeded to pelt you in the face. Jkjkjkjk of course. Awkwardness is always thorougly entertaining. The ongoing inner monologue was a plus.

But hey, at least you took a chance, right? And she was straight with you. I'm glad you're not disheartened or anything. Like you said, there are plenty of fish in the sea and I bet a hell of a lot prettier.

[Pppsssttt. What are the frkkin odds? Lol. That was totally unexpected. Then again, our people tend to be emotional beings... -__- ugh. But it sucks for sho.]

Oh and apparently, it was your birthday. Happy belated Birthday, "Sneezy."

Um. So... after much thought into this (4 hours)... I figured that the phone conversation ended... REALLY awkwardly. I mean, REALLY awkwardly. I made it SO weird.

I will contact her again and apologize for being awkward, and explain that I didn't expect "ground rules" and then go on to tell her that I enjoy hanging out with her and talking to her, so I would like to do dinner... and she can pay.

Really, I'm a pretty prideful guy, so for me to do this AFTER a rejection... it's a bit difficult. But I actually like her as a human being. So here goes.

I'll keep you guys posted.

Sneeze, no worries, man. You both contributed to the awkwardness.

I think that you should say yes to din with her, but back off. This happened with me with a guy friend. Even after I set "ground rules," he became so persistent on making the friendship something more (he just couldn't hide it) that I had to end things. Just make sure you can keep any more-than-friends feelings under the radar and just be genuine friends. The last thing you want to do is make her uncomfortable.

Who knows? Maybe (and the keyword being maybe) she will change her mind down the road. You never know with girls. We warm up to guys who we hadn't seen as anything more than friends.

Gl.

Hey dude at least she is telling you up front right now. Trust me, it would have sucked if she pulled that friend line after you had taken her out on a few expensive dates. I can see how she would have reacted once you asked her about a relationship:

"Girl: Oh no! I'm sorry I thought we were just going out as friends! I'm so sorry I hope you don't feel as if I strung you along."

Yeah that would have really sucked (happened to me lol). Anyway, I think you should play her game a bit and go out with her as a friend. Just make sure she has an awesome time! Don't make any moves, just make her laugh and feel good. After that disappear for a bit. If she enjoyed herself she'll eventually give you call. Remember: Girls like mystery and a guy that has to be chased every now and then.

Jilted is right, she may come around, especially if you play your cards right. But for now take what she said at face value and simply enjoy the friendly night out.

I don't think she rejected you, she just let you know don't try to get in her pants to soon, so relax and have fun, and pay attention, but don't go falling in love, and expect her to feel the same way. That's many months away, like 6-8 months to see if you click. Don't forget your single and free, and there are a lot of fish in the sea.

Meh. She replied, saying that her nights are busy, so we should do lunch instead.

I told her my free times, and she said she couldn't do either. She asked if we can do next week.

I said, "sure, let me know. if not, have a nice trip" (she's going on a trip in a week)

Meh. No biggie. My only concern was to get myself out of that train wreck that was last night, and I feel like we're fine now. If we do lunch next week, great. If not, I'll try to see her when she gets back.

Two weeks to go before I go on MY trip!

meh. she replied, saying that her nights are busy, so we should do lunch instead.

i told her my free times, and she said she couldn't do either. she asked if we can do next week.

I said, "sure, let me know. if not, have a nice trip" (she's going on a trip in a week)

meh. no biggie. my only concern was to get myself out of that train wreck that was last night, and I feel like we're fine now. If we do lunch next week, great. if not, I'll try to see her when she gets back.

two weeks to go before I go on MY trip!

DUDE you worry too much, just relax... For your own sanity.. just let it happen..

Hm. I didn't think I was stressing too much about it...

hm. i didn't think I was stressing too much about it...

Oh okay... :D no need too because you're a great guy.

You know what always makes me feel better? It involves a doorstep and a flaming bag of dog poo.

Cheer up! It could be like a fate thing... she could totally be sparing you the cold sores she has on her crotch. There's always a bright side. :)

That's true, you don't know much about this girl... she may be a really good pathological liar.

Who knows, she suddenly decides she wants to move things along a little faster, you go to her apartment. Then as soon as you walk in, you get knocked out and wake up in a bathtub full of ice... missing your kidney. Aah, the beauty of dating.

Thats true, you dont know much about this girl... she may be a really good pathological liar.

Who knows, she suddenly decides she wants to move things along a little faster, you go to her apartment. Then as soon as you walk in, you get knocked out and wake up in a bathtub full of ice... missing your kidney. Aah, the beauty of dating.



Lol you watch way too much TV, lol...

O_O Like Chaaaarrlieee --> YouTube - Charlie The Unicorn (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus)


LOLOL. Great. And I thought I had trust issues when it comes to relationships... haha jkjk

Thats true, you dont know much about this girl... she may be a really good pathological liar.

Who knows, she suddenly decides she wants to move things along a little faster, you go to her apartment. Then as soon as you walk in, you get knocked out and wake up in a bathtub full of ice... missing your kidney. Aah, the beauty of dating.

Exactly!! There are reasons things don't work out. Consider yourself lucky! :)

It's been a while...

Nothing much has been going on in my life concerning the ex. Overall, I think of her... maybe once a week, and not in a sad way or anything... just something that happens makes me think of her. The image of her... is a flash.

Her friends are hitting on me relentlessly. I have a theory that women like guys who have just gotten out of a relationship, or is currently IN a relationship.

I recently found myself talking to a friend of mine who kept bashing my ex... I asked her how her week was, and she began with, "it was going fine until I ran into..." I ended up defending my ex.. . it was a bizarre moment.

Overall, I'd like to think that I'm "healed" and doing just fine. As of right now, I'm not looking for anyone... just really busy with school and work and writing my theses... mainly just trying to stay alive for the next 2 months until graduation! You're all invited.

I thought about asking the admin to "close" this question... but I have this gut feeling that it's not over yet. I have a strong feeling that something will come up with the ex. Until then...

p.s. - there's a rumor out that I have a girlfriend... I didn't start it. Apparently, my ex found out and has been asking around to see if it's true. Guess she still cares? Either that or she's just curious. Regardless... it's funny.

Update:

To come. I am at the moment a little tipsy. So I am updating about an update. It will come. Hold on tight.

update:

to come. I am at the moment a little tipsy. so I am updating about an update. it will come. hold on tight.

OMG! Tipsy? Update? I'm holding on tight!!

WONDERGIRL! I've missed you. Where have you been? (all my life)

I'm here, Sneeze. I'm heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!! Where you been??

So tell us!! I'm dying of suspense!!

I'm afraid the story won't flow unless I'm completely sober. Give me time.

I'll wash dishes for a while and pay some bills. Just forget I'm around.

I've kept everyone in suspense long enough... and I just feel plain bad as this isn't really that big of an update.

This past week was my spring break. Most of my friends went on cruises... me, being the loser, stayed back to work full time. I figured, I'm going to europe in may. I should save some money up.

While I was here, I hung out with my ex's ex best friend... I say "ex best friend" as they are no longer speaking. We hung out... nothing serious, just movies... went out to dinner... etc. had a good time.

Two nights ago (while it was tornado-ing here in the atl), we ended up meeting with a group and going to a bar... and we got a bit reckless (as those crazy college students do... ) and we got a little drunk. We got back home... and she was WAYYYY past drunk... so she asked me to take care of her. Not a big deal... I've taken care of her in the past after she drank...

She spent the night. I took care of her... no problem. In the morning, I wake up to realize... she's wearing my shirt + pj pants. You should have seen the look on my face when I realized this.. it was a look of confusion, desperation, and fear... mix in constipation and you have my look down. I was INCREDIBLY confused as to why she was wearing my clothes when CLEARLY she went to sleep wearing HER clothes.

Over breakfast (I made chocolate chip pancakes... yeah, that's right) I asked her about the clothes... apparently, she had woken up in the middle of the night... changed into my clothes. OK. Not a big deal. Then she continues to tell me that I am a cuddler while I sleep (what can I say... ). I apologized for it, then she replies, "no, I liked it..." and we ended it there. I went to work, she went back home.

Last night, we go out again... different bar, different group... nonetheless, we have a jolly good time (yes, I used the word jolly... if you can imagine an asian guy from atlanta using the word jolly... ) she once again gets hammered... and she asks if she can spend the night again. She does.

This time, she snuggles up really close... and one thing leads to another, and we end up kissing and cuddling. Twas all in good fun... nothing serious happened. This morning, I make omelets, and again, I go to work, she goes back home.

Nothing's weird between us, nor do I see anything serious happening between us, as we have 7 weeks of school left. Regardless, it was one of those things where I can say... "I hooked up with my ex's best friend"

Updates on my ex, she was on a cruise along with most of my friends. When they returned (today), I got an e-mail from my ex saying... :

- her and the new guy are now "official." I am apparently the first person she told...and she wanted me to hear it first before anyone else told me...

I guess I feel special about this. Yay!

- she wants to quash all rumors that have been going on about us. for example:
1. she cheated on me with new guy while we were still dating.
2. he was the reason we broke up
3. she told people I hit her while we were in a relationship...

OK. I believe you. Sort of. Only sort of. #1... fine. #2... hard to swallow as you and him were "together" 2 weeks after we broke up. #3... yeah, it's ridiculous enough that I don't even care if that one goes around. People that actually matter in my life would think that the idea that I would hit a girl (especially a girlfriend) is ridiculous. So... yeah.

-she also wanted us to be friends before we graduate.

y'know. I've given this plenty of thought. I really have. It REALLY stinks that this is how we're going to say goodbye to one another... probably for the rest of our lives... but hey, I think the ex f-ed it up. Really.

I do want my readers' opinions on this. We have 7 weeks of school left, and I seriously doubt that we'll ever speak to one another again. Should I really be friends with her and end on a good note? To be honest, she messed up. She broke up with me (which I'm OK with... ) but then she got with some other guy within 2 weeks. If we had broken up, and neither of us really dated other people... I think a friendship wouldn't hurt. But... the fact that she started to see another guy so soon just kind of puts a kink in my side. Not only that, none of my friends like her... none of her friends like her. She has NO friends except her new guy's friends... and HE doesn't really have friends either.

Someone once told me, "this is the legacy she's leaving behind. what's the legacy YOU want to leave behind?" at this moment, people are supporting me. They're saying that I did nothing wrong. But I DO feel bad about her losing her friends. I know what tal would say: screw her. She made her bed. She lays in it. Right tal?

Another thing I decided was that instead of going straight to med school, I will be taking a year off... doing research + working... taking a break. I'll be going to med school in August of 09. I have a job secured so it's not a big deal, but it does mean I will be in atl for another year. Who else is staying in atl? That's right... my ex. Ex's new guy is a 3rd year, so he'll be here as well... I'm assuming they'll stay together... although people are speculating that they'll be broken up within the next 3 months. We shall see.

Sorry that was so long but hey, you guys wanted to read about my life. I'll keep you guys updated on the ex situation + girl I hooked up with... although I don't think there'll be anything to update on until May-ish.

Stay funky.

Reread your post before you decide because as I remember, your feelings were all over the place around Christmas break, turns out you were right though. As to your present update, you need a bigger bed.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!! Finally. Another great read!

Does the girl get to choose what you make for breakfast, or do you decide?

I say continue NC for the ex. Or do you want her back?

? Whatever do you mean tal? My feelings for her.. of course, they were. We had just broken up.

I DO need a bigger bed... but I already have a queen.. . do I dare upgrade to a king?

... then the girls'll never leave.

Wondergirl:

Usually, I choose whatever I want to make the girl... but if she has any preference, I'm open to suggestions.

I had no question in my head about nc. I feel it's not worth replying to her e-mail... nor is it worth talking to her. I see her on campus from time to time... and I say hi. But that's it. A simple head nod... hi... then it's done. I'm civil, not friendly.

As far as her coming back... not a chance in hell. I have this thing with trust... where if someone loses my trust, it's impossible for them to gain it back. I'll forgive them fine... but I'll never trust them again. So... yeah, it's done and over with.

Yyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy, Sneeze!!

I will stay funky!

As for the ex... "screw her. she made her bed. she lays in it." haha, he would say that. And I would have to agree. She messed with a good thing for her own selfish reasons, and she is continuing along that selfish path by wanting at least one more buddy before school is over with. I think she thinks you're an easy target as you have a history and I bet she thinks you still want her (im sure you dont). Here's what I would do... either reply with "nopes, nopes, nopes" or just continue along the righteous path of NC.

As for the ex's ex friend... dude... you're a slut. Haha. I don't really have any advice on that... so I'm not going to try.

ihatewestseneca:

She doesn't want "one more buddy"... she wants "at least one buddy"... seriously, if you come to my school (of 10,000) and ask about her, she doesn't have a single friend here. It's really sad. She had the rep of a saint for 3.5 years. People used to come up to me and ask, "how'd you get her?!?"... and now, it's more along the lines of... "oh her? yeah, f her"

I'm not so sure she thinks I want her... as I cut her out completely and she's been getting updates from my friends about my life and has found out that I've been going on dates. She once found out that I went on a date with this girl (remember that girl who said "we need to set up ground rules?") and she freaked out... started calling my friends and asking if we're in a relationship... etc. so I'm sure she knows I want nothing from her.

I AM a slut. I was recently deemed the following monikers:

Narcissistic masochist - I am dr. house.

Karma - I do bad things and I don't get what's coming to me...

Man whore -... kp did that one.

Personally, I would leave things between the ex alone as why change a situation that's working so well, and let people say what they want. By the way I'll be visiting the grandkids in Stone Mountain this summer, so if you hear a lot of hooting and hollering, that's us.

Well, I own a shirt that says "manwhore" and ladies enjoy it. Girls at school will read it and give me this look like "who are you kidding" and then I say "for you, 30$" then you know, exchange them digits.

well, i own a shirt that says "manwhore"

I have one that says..

... ready?

... here goes...

I LIE TO GIRLS

Personally, I would leave things between the ex alone as why change a situation thats working so well, and let people say what they want. By the way I'll be visiting the grandkids in Stone Mountain this summer, so if you hear a lot of hooting and hollering, thats us.

I completely agree.

On the stone mountain thing... hope you're prepped to get in an argument over who won the civil war.

... on my most recent trip, I got in an argument with a nice gentlemen about who won the civil war. Seriously.

I got in an argument with a nice gentlemen about who won the civil war. seriously.


Haha, of course it was the south! Psh

Word, man. WORD. Let your ex stew in her own BS. Ugh..

Oh sneeeze. You were sort of slutty this past break, but whatever. It's college (yeeaaa~). My advice is that you live it up before you leave the nest.

Best,
J

Sneeze
I think you need to remember this split only happened about 3 months ago , that's not that long for a relationship that went for over 3 years. The fact that you know all this "stuff" about her and what she thinks etc is not doing you any good in my opinion. Even though you seem like your pretty much over her , you do seem to me to hold a fair bit of resentment against her.

Let her think what she likes , let her do whatever she wants and let her and her friends think and say whatever they want to about you. It doesn't matter.

as far as my resentment, it's not really much of a resentment but apathetic disappointment. I really don't care much about what happens with her life... just a bit disappointed that who I thought she was... isn't really her.

I do not go out of my way to find out about her... but people constantly come up to me to tell me about her.

At times, I tell people I don't want to hear it. Really.

as far as my life, I think I'm doing OK =D

midterm week. Yikes.

midterm week. yikes.


Too right!

Well, if you are both staying in atl for a year, I wouldn't rush into the friends thing. Maybe in 5 months or whenever you feel ready. But right now things might be too fresh. No rush, just keep doing your thing.

I'm glad you're doing well Sneezy. You are an inspiration to all us guys who have trouble moving on. With regards to the whole friends thing, well I would let it happen naturally. At the moment she wants your verbal agreement to a friendship in order to make things easier, maybe even ease her guilt. However, I would just let it happen when it happens. What I mean is that someday you two may eventually run into each other and have something more to say than "Hello." Maybe you'll even have a class or work together. Conversation will more than likely occur naturally and by then there will be no more bad feelings. From there a friendship can develop, heck maybe even a relationship will blossom again, but one step at a time. Don't force a friendship, just let it occur on its own.

I agree confused. Cept the thing is, I'm pre-med... working in a research lab. She's an educational studies major... and she doesn't have a job. Therefore, once we say goodbye @ graduation... chances are, we won't ever see each other again... except for the 1 year she and I will be here in atl.

I was also told today that she is staying an extra year... but due to a lack of a job, she will be living with the new guy.

The trend continues.

we won't ever see each other again...

You never know what could happen Sneeze... if I remember correctly you didn't see the break up coming. And I'm sure when you were in the relationship that breaking up was the furthest thing from your mind... just like the idea that you may never see her again... stranger things have happened.

I need a woman's opinion on this...

Remember NEW GIRL (the girl who said we needed to set some ground rules?) https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-15.html (post 148)

Well... we haven't spoken to one another in a while... she went on spring break... I worked... midterms... etc. anyway, this morning, I get an e-mail from her saying the following message:

Sneezy:

I hope your spring break went well. I had a blast! We should meet up for lunch soon. Are you free April 2? Say... 12:30? Let me know!

I didn't think much of the e-mail until I read April 2.

... April 2?!

That's 2 weeks away! It's not like we're far from one another... she lives in the apartment building next to me... we go to the same school...

I don't know, it made me do a double take. It's one thing to plan a trip 2 weeks in advance... but to plan a lunch 2 weeks in advance is a bit weird to me. Is it not? I admit, she's busy... I'm busy... but I wouldn't plan a date 2 weeks in advance, much less lunch.

This post reads as if I'm freaking out about it... I am not. I just thought it was really odd. It's one of those things that make you think... "is this a joke?"

I need a woman's opinion on this...

Remember NEW GIRL (the girl who said we needed to set some ground rules?) https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-15.html (post 148)

well...we haven't spoken to one another in a while...she went on spring break...I worked...midterms...etc. anywho, this morning, I get an e-mail from her saying the following message:

Sneezy:

I hope your spring break went well. I had a blast! We should meet up for lunch soon. Are you free april 2? say...12:30? let me know!

I didn't think much of the e-mail until I read April 2.

...April 2?!?

that's 2 weeks away! It's not like we're far from one another...she lives in the apartment building next to me...we go to the same school...

I don't know, it made me do a double take. It's one thing to plan a trip 2 weeks in advance...but to plan a lunch 2 weeks in advance is a bit weird to me. is it not? I admit, she's busy...I'm busy...but I wouldn't plan a date 2 weeks in advance, much less lunch.

This post reads as if I'm freaking out about it...I am not. I just thought it was really odd. it's one of those things that make you think..."is this a joke?"

"ground rules" and a set date... hmmmm... could be she likes to have some sort of control over things. Not necessarily a bad thing. Or maybe she just has a lot of stuff going on and wants to make some time for you because she likes you...

Maybe she meant march 21st. And just was thinking about April and forgot the "1" lol.

That is strange...

Hey Sneezy. Well first to respond to one of your earlier posts. I definitely understand that the different paths you and your ex are taking might result in you two never seeing each other again. However, I still think you should let a friendship grow naturally. The day you two say goodbye at graduation may be the day you two say hello to a friendship. It's possible you may never see each other again, but remember it's a very small world.

As for your new "dilemma." Well as I always say, we can never really know what a persons intentions are. Maybe she wanted to give you ample time to schedule, maybe she is really busy, or maybe she wanted to make it clear that its just a friendly get together instead of a date by letting you know she is not in a hurry to see you. Really though, who the heck knows.

If I were you I would wait a day or two to respond. Than when I do e-mail her I would tell her that lunch sounds great but it seems that week is a rather busy one for you (school, work, etc.) so at the moment you are not sure you can make it. However, you will let her know for sure by the end of the week. Tell her that it was great hearing from her and that you will e-mail her soon.

That's what I would do, but wait for some other responses. I'm sure you'll get some good ideas soon.

"ground rules" and a set date...hmmmm...could be she likes to have some sort of control over things. Not necessarily a bad thing. Or maybe she just has a lot of stuff going on and wants to make some time for you because she likes you...

Yeah, she's a very independent (and business like) girl. Think ivanka trump. Seriously. Wears expensive clothing... jewelry... but ready to stomp your balls out in a second... but also the sweetest girl in the world. Hands down.

For some reason, I'm attracted to that.

I e-mailed her back and replied, "april 2..? plan much? not sure if I'll be free that day...let me know closer to the date"

yeah, she's a very independent (and business like) girl. think ivanka trump. seriously. wears expensive clothing...jewelry...but ready to stomp your balls out in a second...but also the sweetest girl in the world. hands down.

for some reason, I'm attracted to that.

I e-mailed her back and replied, "april 2..? plan much? not sure if I'll be free that day...let me know closer to the date"

Wow... that's sexy in a scary way. I don't even have balls, yet oddly I felt it when you said that.

Well. Update.

Guys and gals... it's been one long 2 weeks...

Midterm after midterm... the lack of sleep was getting to me slowly.

I was awake for 38 hours, slept for 3, awake for 35 hours, slept for 5... then awake for 44 hours.

... really messes with your system.

I wanted to update about my situation in life overall...

There's nothing going on. At all. I'm too busy with school and work that I barely have time to sit down and relax. Tonight, for instance, my friends and I were supposed to go to a bar... I passed out at 9pm... only to wake up at 2am. No bar. Sad.

I was on fbook today for the first time in about a month or so... and I did see my ex's pictures from her trip with her new guy on my "mini board"... needless to say, I can't say that I didn't feel anything. I did feel something... not a sting or a sharp twinge of pain, but more like... a gentle nudge. I found myself asking, "Are you really happy with him?" as I saw her smiling and laughing in the picture alongside him.

Well. I guess I haven't completely forgotten her, and I don't plan on forgetting her... I don't think I ever could. Regardless, I think I'm fine. I questioned myself in thinking, "Maybe this means I'm not over her..." but I... beg to differ. If anything, the combination of this rough week + lack of sleep + lack of eating has something to do with it.

I should be fine by morning.

5 weeks until graduation!! Can't wait.

As for everyone else, romefalls, missinghim2much, ihatewestseneca, mafiaangel, how are you guys doing?

Been doing a lot better, even after meeting up with her caused some feelings to arise. I have my weak moments every now and then when I just want everything to be back the way it was... but I say to myself, ill feel better tomorrow, this happened for a reason...

Overall... still not sure why it happened, probably a combination of a lot of things going on in the ex's head. Regardless, it matters not, I'm moving on, probably going to start hitting the gym soon. I'm pretty successful when it comes to getting girls, but I can only imagine how much more successful I could be if I was in shape. But I've decided that maybe I shouldn't date for awhile, that I should focus more on other things. And besides, that girl (mandy/crazy girl) telling me she loved me so soon kind of freaked me out. It meant so little to me coming from her. Oh well... life goes on.

My parents always have no problem simplifying everything when I might complain, or seem down about the whole ordeal. My old man: oh well, life goes on, tomorrow is still going to be there and there's nothing you can do, stop worrying... My mother: Westy... sh!t happens, she lost a great though, she may not regret it now; but she will.

Now I know my mother is supposed to tell me that I'm cute and a great guy, but I know the failing of the relationship wasn't my fault at all. I've gone over it a million times in my head... I can't think of anything that I might have done... it seriously is her loss.

I'm glad to hear that you didn't let it bother you. Facebook and myspace can sometimes be the biggest breaker you will ever experience.

As for me, I am doing really well, playing the field a little bit right now, but can't say I don't have feelings for a new girl. I'm curious where things will go as I am just taking them as they come now, not going to rush anything. I have determined the next 4 months to one saying "Whatever happens...Happens" It's simple yet so true, I am not going to make a huge effort for anyone, I have been going out and having a blast with friends. Playoff hockey is right around the corner and for the first time in 2 years... I can watch it without my ex asking "What happened""why's that a penalty" "Don't throw the remote at the TV" and the best one of all "I don't know why you yell at the TV it's not like they can hear you"

Update:

It's been about 2 weeks since my last update... and nothing much has happened. I've been extremely busy with school + work, and the semester is drawing to a close, as well as my college career. It's bittersweet, but something I'm glad to get over with.

I'm taking a year off after college... I'm looking to get more into day trading as well as opening a restaurant (it's a sports bar)... I take my mcats in September, and start applying for med schools... wish me luck.

I decided to do this update because I recently had contact from my ex. The first time it happened, I shrugged it off as I thought it was just by chance/accident... but it happened again tonight.

I haven't spoken to my ex in about 3 months or so, and things were fine... last night, around 7pm, I get a call from her. I ignored it, as I was studying. I figured, if it's important, she'll leave a message, right? She didn't leave a message. No biggie.

Tonight, as I'm studying for my midterms, around 11pm, she calls me again. Again, I ignore it, due to the off chance that she wants to talk or something... and it'll just throw me off my game for my midterms tomorrrow. Again, no message.

So... as of right now, I'm not letting it get to me too much, but it is a bit weird... as if she wants to tell me something, she could 1) e-mail me or 2) leave me a message... to say something along the lines of "call me back"... but she doesn't. It's simple... one call. No message. No text.

I have a feeling that since graduation is right around the corner, she wants to shed any bad blood between us before we go our separate ways... so we'll see. At this moment, I have no desire to speak to her, but my curiosity's nibbling.

I'm sure this story isn't over yet, so I'll keep you guys updated.

PS - as far as the women in my life, there aren't any currently... running around all day in classes, work, day trading, and going to business meetings for the new restaurant, I end up coming home at 2am... only to sleep and wake up at 7am so I can do it all over again the next day. It's a bit lonely, and I do miss that closeness, but only at 2am and at 7am... when I go to sleep and when I wake up... at all other times, I barely have time to breathe.

Hope my fellow NC-ers are doing well (Romefalls, Ihatewestseneca, freakinconfused, jiltedgirl, etc.)

Sneeeezes~!

Wow. I can't believe the semester is already pulling to a close. Aaaand I can't believe you're opening up a sports bar!! That's really awesome (and ambitious, I might add). I'd totally hit it up, alas I'm a bit far away..

I think it's a good thing that you're keeping busy. Your efforts will pay off for sure. :) Also, I'm sure the ex will send you a message/txt of some sort if she really wants to tell you something important before graduation. Although is there really anything left to say..

Believe it or not, I no longer feel lonely at night or in the mornings (i.e. now. Lol). And I think it's safe to say that I'm more or less over the ex. I no longer feel bitter/jealous when it comes to seeing evidence of his existence on my friends' Facebook walls, random mentions of him in conversations, etc. I just feel resignation that it happened and that it's over. My intuition has been basically reaffirmed. We were never meant for each other. Everything happened for the best.

In any case, I'm just having fun with guys at the moment and sort of enjoying no attachments. (freeeedooom~!! ) God forbid I start getting emotionally attached to some poor guy. O_O. Once they don't pay attention to me for like a day, I won't be fun anymore. Instead, I get possessive, demanding, and intense--things that I hate about myself and make me push people away.

Le sigh. The question now is how to learn from my mistakes...

Peace.

Glad to here from you 2(Jilted and Sneeze) As for me... I have recently met a new girl, been talking for about 2 weeks. Really sweet girl but I am approaching the situation with ease because of three factors... 2 of which don't really bother me. The first being is that she is 25(4 year age difference) not a big deal to me, second, she has 2 kids(3,5 - Both girls) again, something I can look past. But the kicker, she is divorced and wasband is calling her a lot. She ignores the calls and is working on getting a court order restraining order on him. He is a drug addict and very violent as I have had to remove him from my other job once before(benefit of being a manager). Rest assured I am approaching this situation EXTREMELY carefully and slow, not trying to rush anything. Basically I am just seeing where everything leads but she seems like a really sweet girl and the connection is there as we talk all the time.

Well...

So my ex has been calling me for the past 4 days. Once a day. No message. No texts. Nothing.

... until I get an e-mail from her today (thank GOD it's today and not last night... as I had midterms)

This is the basic message of the e-mail:

1. She's sorry she's been calling...

2. She's wondering if there was any chance we could be friends again...ever

3. She still considers me a best friend and she hates that she hasn't been able to talk to me.

4. She figured that when we broke up, we would remain friends.

5. She realizes she didn't handle things properly and was being unfair by not explaining her feelings...and she realizes she shouldn't have done anything before she figured her feelings out (dating new guy).

6. She made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Can I give her a chance?

7. Graduation's coming up, and she wants us to be good friends before we leave.

8. Call her, e-mail her, text her...at least do something, even if it's to tell her that I don't ever want to talk to her again.

Everything's hunky dory... except for the last part. Girls LOVE that line: Tell me something, ANYTHING! Tell me you hate me!

... they know that'll get the guys... it's that special bait. (grr)

I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point... do I respond... if so, how do I respond... do I ignore it... if so, then what happens.. . currently at a loss. I don't think anyone really has the right answer for me on this one... mainly because I think this one's up to me.

To be honest, I don't need her as a friend. Trust is very important to me... and I consider it the MOST important thing to me in ANY relationship. I also consider trust to be very fragile. If a person loses my trust, then they rarely gain it back... ever. At this point, she's lost my trust and my respect, so for her to be my friend... isn't going to happen.

But... do I respond with an explanation? Do I tell her off? (the latter... probably a bad idea). Do I just simply tell her that it's better off that we don't speak to one another?

... stupid feelings.

What would be the harm in wishing her a great life?

While I agree with Tal... I stay stick to NC. If this rattled any part of your being, mainly any feelings were a stirred by this, I wouldn't respond. If you read this and said "meh" then go ahead, tell her whatever you wish with that "meh" attitude.

I think if she really thought she made a mistake/really wants to be your friend she would be trying harder. Take some of your own advice that you told someone earlier tonight... she just wants to make herself feel better... she's been telling herself foolish things to make herself feel better until now, when she realized that maybe she screwed up... things didn't go as she planned and now she wants you to make it seem like you're happy and everything is great, she's great, sure we'll be friends. Girls are pretty screwed up, and when things don't go their way, they get even more screwed up and they'll say anything to make things the way they wanted them to be. (Not all girls are like this, just the ones that dump sneeze and myself... lol)

I say NC all the way, if you meet later in life, its perfectly acceptable to grab a drink with her... but I think it's still too soon to even consider being friends, which I think you've already decided that friends can't work.

After I met with my ex a few weeks ago, she send me like 3 emails after we met explaining all sorts of things, I sent back 2, 1 after the frist email just saying that I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you (she emailed that I upset her). And in my second email I said "there's really nothing more to say to one another... goodbye..." then she sent the email saying that she never wanted to be with me again or something... I didn't read too much into it because I can't trust anything she says anyway.

Its up to you my friend.

But...do I respond with an explanation? Do I tell her off? (the latter...probably a bad idea). Do I just simply tell her that it's better off that we don't speak to one another?

Continue NC. Anything else is intermittent reinforcement (which she will grab at and swing from and rejoice over and hate you for).