I am in the library... working on my paper, when suddenly, I have a swarm of 3 girls coming up to me. They are my ex's old friends.

3 girls: DID SHE SEND YOU AN E-MAIL?!?!

me: ..uh...how'd you...

1 girl: she sent all of us an e-mail wanting to "fix" things between us!!!

... so this pretty much tells me that... she's just trying to fix her image up and is trying to feel better about life in general.. . yep. NC it is.

Psh... women... I'm sorry your ex went down a bad road after you two split, and it must have sucked to watch someone do that and not do anything about it... but she has to live with the consequences.

This is a tough one Sneezy. Personally, I would be rather angry after reading some of those things. My thoughts would be: Did you really think we could be good friends after you crushed my heart? Are you that selfish and naïve? Sounds to me like you are just trying to make yourself feel better.

I'm sure similar thoughts were running through your head, but you seem like you are handling things pretty well. It sounds to me like you really are not ready for a friendship and you should definitely not bend just because she feels sorry for what happened. In my opinion you have two options: Don't respond, or respond with a simple and to the point e-mail.

What you do is your choice and honestly I don't know which is the best path to take. However, if you decide to send an e-mail this is my advice. Simply tell her that you forgive her because you do understand that people make mistakes. However, at this point in time you are not ready for a friendship because there is too much history between you two. Let her know that for now its best you two go your separate ways, but remind her that you cherished all the time you spent together and that hopefully in the future you two can cross paths again. Wish her the best of luck in life and end the e-mail with your name.

I feel that an e-mail like this would be respectful to both your feelings and primarily to your needs. It also leaves the door open to any possible future reconciliation down the road. She may be hurt because she didn't get what she wanted but you were at least thoughtful, kind, and respectful by acknowledging her feelings.

Again, I don't know what's the best choice: no response or simple and quick response. I just don't have enough experience to tell you what to do in this situation. Whatever happens let us know. I hope it all goes well.

I am a little bit angry... for a few reasons

1) I thought that she was genuinely trying to fix things with me... but I realized that she's using today to fix things with everyone. Granted, that's great.. but that sort of takes away from her thinking of me... and onto her just trying to save her own @ss.

2) she said in her e-mail that she still thinks of me as a best friend.. . are you stupid?

3) she also said that she wishes I would write back and at least tell her why I don't want to talk to her.. . again, are you stupid?

Yeah the fact that she is seeking to reconcile with everyone is a double-edged sword. It's great because she is making an effort to fix the mistakes she made, but it takes away from the sincerity behind it. The reason being because it just becomes really hard to tell if she genuinely cares about your friendship and feelings when she is telling other people similar things. It makes you wonder if she is looking to save what you two had friendship wise, or if she is simply trying to save her own image. I think that at this point you should stick to NC. Don't make life easy for her by e-mailing her back with a response because she sure as heck didn't make life easy for you. If she really wants to fix things with YOU, than she will go so far as to see you in person.

I must admit it would be tough to decide whether to reply. If it were me, I wouldn't have any interest in being friends after what happened with me and my ex, I couldn't be friends as I got dumped, and seeing her would not help me, and when I don't have the intense feelings for her, say in a years time, I wouldn't be friends in principal as she left me.

Maybe NC in your case is best, but it is hard not to respond. I get the impression she is trying to make herself feel better.

Well, obviously she meant what she said and just wanted to be friends, hence the fixing things with other friends. ihatewestseneca was right, it's too soon for anything. Obviously there are still bad feelings, and until that clears, it's kind of pointless. So continue to do NC. After all, she got her closure the day she dumped you.

Sneeze, maintain NC.

You obviously still harbor some feelings of ill-will toward her, latent or not. It would be quite bizarre if you didn't. Until you're ready, any attempts at reconciliation (or her attempts to appease her guilt) are pointless.

Sucks for her, but then again, who cares?

Interesting situation, I think she is making amends for past behavior, so putting her in a position for criticism, all over again. I have always advocated polite, and brief responses, to the exes, when you run into them, and I still do. An email though from her, may be in another category, to be ignored. An overture in person though..? Its up to you how you respond, or don't.

Sneezy, I don't know what to tell you. Obviously the email upset you, and the fact that she sent similar emails to other people shows that she's just trying to get back with her friends and mend some broken fences. Is she sincere? I don't know.

The fact remains that you were doing fine until she started trying to contact you. This girl has a real knack at getting you upset, is that friendship material?

From a woman's point of view, I'd say any response you give her will make her feel better, and that's not your job anymore. You had a relationship, it's over, you don't owe her anything, not friendship, not an email to explain your feelings. She may feel that you owe her that but you don't. You owe nothing more at all, done, stick a fork in you. ;)

I'd stick to NC, but it doesn't seem like she's going to give up until she gets what she wants, a response. In the long run it's up to you to decide what you are going to do. If you do respond then a simple, "No contact please" would suffice.

Sorry for being wordy, you know me. :)

Update:

So... the phone calls have been regular. Once a day. Apparently, one of my ex's old friends and her got together for dinner, had a chat about how they should mend things, and overall, nothing really came of it... but they did tell each other their sides. After their dinner (I knew of this dinner as the friend told me they were having dinner) I got 2 calls from my ex... ignored both.

Today, as I was out with a friend of mine, I get two calls... back to back. The second one, finally... a voice mail. The message is:

I know you don't want to talk to me... but I'm not sure how you want to fix things if you don't pick up my calls. I'm hoping you have some desire to fix things. I hope you pick up the next time I call you, or I hope you at least e-mail me... ok. Bye.

Obviously, this girl did not plan her message. The message seems like she's just trying to get things better for the sake of things getting better... but it also seems like there's a bit of blame involved. It wasn't "I'm sorry and I want to talk to you about it..." or "I want to apologize..." it was... "why don't you want to fix this mess?"

I'm not sure. Any takers?

I know you don't want to talk to me...but I'm not sure how you want to fix things if you don't pick up my calls. I'm hoping you have some desire to fix things. I hope you pick up the next time I call you, or I hope you at least e-mail me...ok. bye.

I love it! - "I'm not sure how you want to fix things if you don't pick up my calls".

By not picking up her calls, aren't you sending a message??

What still has to be fixed? I thought it was over and done with. Hasn't she gotten that message yet? What is she holding out for, i.e. what would your contacting her accomplish?

And it's all your fault, Sneezy.

I KNOW!. bad sneezy, bad.

I thought she got the message when she didn't call me Saturday or Sunday... just seems like she was taking a break.

One of the few reasons I'm holding out is because I don't see how calling her would benefit me. Alty's right in that once I call her and we talk, she'll feel better, but that's it. It'll do nothing for me.

I guess I'm the everlasting bad guy who's just being stubborn and not wanting to fix things... gimme a break.

What has to be fixed? (besides her pride)

Okay Sneezy, here's my advice,

You owe her nothing. This is her guilt talking. She still thinks that she can just call you, say something sweet and have you in the palm of her hands. She's ticked because she's not getting what she wants. Now she's trying to play the guilt card. "Why don't you want to fix this mess?", you already did fix it. You moved on, you're living your life, you owe her nothing.

This girl wants to have her cake and eat it too. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend, she split up with you, now she's lonely, she realizes she burned allot of bridges behind her and she's back pedalling. She's trying to place the blame on you, don't you dare let her. You are not to blame, you do not need to do anything you don't want to do.

I say stick with NC, hopefully she'll get the message sooner or later (probably later, she's not taking the hint so far). You stay strong, don't let this get to you. You are a great guy and you can do way better.

Hope this helps sweetie.

It does :) thanks lady!

I'm not so sure she's all too lonely though. Word on the street is that she's moving in with her current boyfriend next year... would you imagine that? Dating for 2 months and moving in... I laugh at it. Heh.

Who do we want to feel better--her or Sneezy?

I vote Sneezy, the h@ll with her. Oooh, she's not going to come on here and rant I hope. You're not going to pull a Guy, are you Sneezy? Guy, kidding. ;)

Eh, I couldn't care less if she reads this entire post. Regardless, I'm not that guy.

EDIT: and by the phrase "i'm not that guy"... I'm not referring to... guy.. . does that make sense?

Then it sounds like it's unanimous--NC continues.

Yep. Anyone oppose?

... ::waits::

... didn't think so.

Thanks ladies.

Anytime sweet stuff, anytime.

Silly me, I mailed in my vote via pony express... so it is late!

------1 more vote for NC--- from Canada ;)

Ps, Free boats do wonders for picking up hot chicks! LOL!

You got a vote to stay on the NC train... From here from The Dirty Jerzey


We shall all stay on the same train... I figure when we broke up with our ex's we said everything we needed to say. They didn't want to hear a word we had to say, so why should we give them the comfort of letting their pride heal... We don't owe them nothing because they didn't give us the time of day.

Stay with no contact, not for revenge, for you. What she does after dumping you is her business, let her have it, and everything that comes with it. (without you)

Here here,

I agree with everything that's been recently posted sneeze. Your right when you say that if you speak to her she will feel better but probably won't.

Its amazing how they can try and make us feel like the bad guy when we were the ones who got dumped by them, and just because we are trying to heal with NC they think they've done something to upset us and ignore them!

How crazy are these people?! Of course theyv'e done something to upset us - they dumped the best thing that's going to happen to them!

More fool them - onwards and upwards for everyone on here going through this crap.

Stay strong and dig deep!

Update:

... I feel like a million bucks.. and then some.

Why, do you ask?

1. I KILLED on the market today. I mean... DEMOLISHED it... I pretty much made enough to pay for my European backpacking trip in the past 3 days.

2. My boss just told me that I would get my protocol (the one I've been working on for the past 7 months) published! For some, this may mean nothing... but to me, as an undergrad, to get a protocol that I developed myself published... I feel like I almost fulfilled my God complex.

3. Remember that girl, a few weeks back...

She's the cute but very independent girl that after a wonderful first date, she turned me down for a second one stating "we need to set some ground rules..."

You can find her here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-15.html

Well, I figured... I'm graduating in about 3 weeks, and really, I just want to spend as much time as I can just getting to know more people and spending time with them, so randomly, I called her and asked her if she wanted to meet me for dinner this week... and to my surprise, she said YES! I'D LOVE TO! I'M SO EXCITED!. not sure... why. Regardless, I'm excited.

I took some notes from westy... I will NOT be taking her to my usual $50 an entrée place... but instead, taking her to a relatively casual oyster bar. Thanks westy.

I'll update Thursday night after dinner. :)

EDIT: my ex called again. Same old. One call. No message.. . God, she's good.

And then take her to putt-putt... make sure you destroy her.

::taking notes::

Work on my drive. Got it.

::taking notes::

work on my drive. got it.

Drive? Haha, I hope that's a joke... girls don't like a whole game of golf, well, I think I would marry the first girl I met that did.

I agree westy... Any girl who would actually like to play a whole round of golf... Is a perfect catch. Ahh... We can dream can't we

You guys are funny. Golf, only if there's beer and no mosquitos.

Drive? haha, i hope thats a joke... girls dont like a whole game of golf, well, i think i would marry the first girl i met that did.

So is that a proposal Westy? I'll meet you at the 18th hole! I'll be the one dressed in... well, slightly off-white. :eek:

Hee, hee, Westy you asked for it!

Hey, we're getting off topic. Bad kids, hang our heads in shame. I feel it is incumbent upon me to keep us on track, did I say that right, I just wanted to sound smart, did I just do the opposite?

NC Sneezy, NC. See we're on topic. ;)

Well... I just got back from dinner with hot but very independent girl. We went to an oyster bar then went to a gelato shop... I paid for dinner, she paid for desserts. We didn't have time for any other activities as during dinner, one of her friends called to ask for help on his resume, and she said she'd be back in an hour to help him... so... not sure why/what happened.

Overall, dinner went very well... we talked constantly, and this time, I wasn't very nervous, we made fun of each other back and forth... it was overall a fun experience. I remember last dinner I was a nervous wreck... (and I'm not so sure why... I was never nervous with girls before... ) but this time, I was more relaxed, and was there just to have a good time.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm riding that (just friends)/(potentially more) line well enough... as I feel like at the end of the night, it was getting to be more like a friendly dinner. Regardless, I had a good time, and we planned to go out sometime next weekend.

Well... I was planning on coming home later, but now that I'm here... how's everyone doing?

I just got home from work at the library. Glad you had fun, Sneezy. From everything I've read about you and by you, I can't imagine why you'd be nervous. You sound like the catch of the century.

I'm glad you had a good time sneezy! Right on, I'm happy for you! :)

Wondergirl, your compliments warm my heart. Really. You are TOO nice.

I'm not sure why she made me so nervous the first time... quite possibly because she seems a bit out of my league... she is VERY attractive and seems like one of those really-hard-to-please girls. But I had a good time. She found out that I go to shooting ranges sometimes and she wanted to come, so we made plans to go next weekend. Not exactly my idea of a date, but who cares?

Well, be sure to always bring your little friends (girls especially) "home" with you so we can check them out and decide if they are good enough for you.

You'll be the first to know :)

OMG!! Know what??

OMG!!! Know what?????

If I find a girl that's worthy to stand before the AMHD tribunal. You'll be the first one I go to. :D

She doesn't know what's in store for her. 'Tis a pity.

Hey, if she can't take the heat...

And you know we have your bests interest at heart.

Yep! Especially you, WG... you've been with me since the beginning of my time here at AMHD..

If only I were 20 again. *Sigh* And this time around I want to be a forensic pathologist. We could have great conversations then.

Ooh we definitely would... over a cup of coffee perhaps? We'd probably be the weirdest kids in their 20s... talking about pathology/medicine...

... the day I meet a girl who I can talk to about surgical procedures over dinner... is the day I marry her.

...the day I meet a girl who I can talk to about surgical procedures over dinner...is the day I marry her.

You saw what happened to Westy when he made such a statement Sneezy! Better be careful, LOL ;)

I have a few stories about the hyoid bone and one or two jokes about the medulla oblongata. Did I ever tell you I got 100% on the bone test in 4th grade? And I did well in h.s. biology. I can talk psychology until the cows come home.

You saw what happened to Westy when he made such a statement Sneezy! Better be careful, LOL ;)

Um, what happened to Westy?

I think it's a few pages back WG. He said he would marry the first girl he found that actually enjoyed golf. I told him I would be waiting at the 18th hole in something slightly off-white, haha!

Are we all invited to the wedding?

Haha. The perfect wedding on the 18th hole... both starby and westy wearing something off white.

Well of course! The next hole is #19... lots of cocktails there! ;)

With my luck someone would forget to call... FOUR!! LOL!

Why would I be wearing white! A white tux... please.

Okay Westy,. White tux it is! I'm going to have an awfully hard time finding golf shoes to go with my dress!

Shall we register at the pro shop?

Who are you going to pick as your "Best Caddy?"

Hi everyone,

Your situation is incredibly near mine Sneeze, but to a bit smaller scales (we're both under 20, we were together for 3 months on the first part and 1,9 years for the second part). I really recognize myself in the way you describe yourself, too.
I'm personnaly in the very beginning of all that, my girlfriend left me 5 days ago :'(

I've started the NC yesterday evening, before that she was calling me every one/two hours, just as usual, but without the "I love you" at the end... That's so tough to tell her I don't want to talk to her for some time. I'm not sure if I should start a new thread or not, I mean, that's always the same story in the end, and I think I've taken all the advices I can from AMHD : NC, NC, NC again... That'll be incredibly hard, I won't explain in details why, I think anyone here can understand, I have the feeling we were even closer than most of the people here were, but of course I can't be objective about that.

Well, I won't expand further here, it's not my thread. Just to say, thanks for you giving details here, I've spend almost 3 hours reading you, and that really helped me (even though some things are tough to admit).

Just wish me good luck for NC, 'cause I'm pretty sure I won't be able to stand it, I'm getting other problems in my life and I can't help but wanting to call her and have her reassure me, just like she did in the 3 days following our breakup... I'm always putting that NC in question again and again, wondering if it's the best solution or not...
Ah well, sorry, I said I wouldn't expand ;)
See you soon I hope.

Best wishes alcmene. Believe me when I say that 4 months ago, when I first came here and people told me:

Do NC

It'll get better

You'll find better

I never believed them... and here I am. I know you're used to putting your ex in front at all times... even when you go grocery shopping. Start putting yourself on top... buy foods YOU like and rent movies YOU want to watch and do things YOU want to do. After 2 - 3 months, you'll look back and realize everyone was right.

Feel free to vent anytime you wish, thanks for stopping by and reading about my life. I'm glad it helped.

Alcmene, most of us are where you are.. I was dumped a month ago, and I started going on here about a week before I got dumped... They correctly predicted what was going on, still didn't listen - did my own thing, and in the end I paid for it.. I don't think it couldve been avoided, though I got dumped really suddenly ,most of the times "they" have their mind set long before "they" do it..
Anw to make a long story short - I'm still here, every day.. Feeling better, sometimes feeling weak but I know that I can come here and vent , and try and help others and feel better about myself.
All I'm saying is - now that you got the advice that we've all heard before, it doesn't mean you should disappear.. Keep coming, posting, help others who are in similar situations and absorb strength from what you post.. I try and follow my own advice as much as I can, coming on here reminds me to stay strong..
If it weren't for this site I would have still been a mess, would have called her thousands of times, begged, pleaded, e.t.c e.t.c.
But now I'm maintaining no contact and she's snooping around trying to talk to me. But I won't let her..
Follow the advice these people give you and good luck.

Yea, just follow ISneeze, Westy and my stories as we have all been down the road you are traveling my friend. We all thought they were "the one" and that we wouldn't be able to do NC and wouldn't find anyone like them. Well here we are 5 months after the break up. I feel great, I miss her at times but remind myself that she isn't the person she used to be. I have to see her at my other job so it took awhile but I couldn't care less anymore lol. I have been doing NC since January and have said hello a few times but nothing major and I only said Hello after I was feeling fine and good.

It does get easier, and a lot easier my friend... Use us as outlets

Thanks a lot for your support :) That really helps.

But I can't stop myself to think about what I can do, what I should do, what she is doing... And I have moments I really think that full NC is a bit extreme. I mean, of course I don't want to see her, I know it's going to break me. But at least I could have a discussion with her, to explain her in details why I do this (even though she should understand it alone... ), and that I don't scorn her. I mean, after she broke, she was there to help me deal with it (really! ), and she always said that didn't mean there wasn't anything left between us. And doing that NC makes me feel like I'm looking down on everything we've lived together...
A few times ago, you Sneeze asked whether you should answer your ex's mail or not. Everyone said no, "you don't owe anything to her" and so on. Hey, that's just not true ! You owe her, just likes she owes you, for all that great time you had together. And I don't understand why the global thinking seems so much like "hah she dumped you she's such a wh*re now make her suffer !". Yes, they dumped us, perhaps not as well as they could (even though I think I personnaly found a gentle one), but we all have had wonderful times with them, otherwise we wouldn't suffer that much now.

Maybe that helps in the healing process (surely), but I find it not honest, and therefore quite egoistic…

Waiting for your reactions :)

Thanks a lot for your support :) That really helps.

But I can't stop myself to think about what I can do, what I should do, what she is doing... And I have moments I really think that full NC is a bit extreme. I mean, of course I don't want to see her, I know it's going to break me. But at least I could have a discussion with her, to explain her in details why I do this (even though she should understand it alone...), and that I don't scorn her. I mean, after she broke, she was there to help me deal with it (really !!), and she always said that didn't mean there wasn't anything left between us. And doing that NC makes me feel like I'm looking down on everything we've lived together...
A few times ago, you Sneeze asked whether you should answer your ex's mail or not. Everyone said no, "you don't owe anything to her" and so on. Hey, that's just not true ! You owe her, just likes she owes you, for all that great time you had together. And I don't understand why the global thinking seems so much like "hah she dumped you she's such a wh*re now make her suffer !". Yes, they dumped us, perhaps not as well as they could (even though I think I personnaly found a gentle one), but we all have had wonderful times with them, otherwise we wouldn't suffer that much now.

Maybe that helps in the healing process (surely), but I find it not honest, and therefore quite egoistic…

Waiting for your reactions :)

Well I will give you my first reaction. Sneezy has been on this site for a lot longer than you have, and some of us know more of his situation than just what you have read on this one particular thread. Sneezy has NEVER even incinuated that his girlfriend was a "wh*re" or he wanted to "make her suffer"! And neither have any that have given him advice. His main focus was to do his best to get over a bad break-up.

You decided to post your "dilemna" on Sneezy's post, and if you didn't agree with the advice given to his particular situation, then you should've posted your own thread, and then disagreed if you wanted on there. That's how it works here.

No, Sneezy does not owe her anything, and since you don't completely understand the circumstances, I think that is very unfair. We also don't give what you call "global thinking" advice. We give advice pertaining to the particular situation.

We are here to give advice, not to tell you how to run your life. You can either take it or leave it, and that's fine. But don't say someone is being "egoistic" (I assume you meant egotistical) just by giving their advice that was asked for.

Sneezy has been doing quite well with all of the advice given, and has made some good friends in the process. If the feedback you get isn't right for you then that's fine, but posting your own story on another thread would help with this "global thinking" you are talking about. :)

Very well said Starbucks... I have followed Sneezy's story since the very beginning seeing that our break ups happened roughly around the same time. Never have I heard him say he wants her to suffer or that she is a wh*re. Granted I only know him over a computer screen, but from what I can see, he does not seem like that type of person.

Secondly, you're going to do what you want to do. We will tell you NC is best but ultimately is up to you to decide. We give advice based on given circumstances, you do NOT owe your ex a thing. But hey, if you want to wait around at her beckon call, you will be in this hurtful process a lot longer than need be. I don't think you are anywhere close to being able to talk with her as a friend(that's all you will be to her)... Anytime you think you can be friends ask yourself this question... How would I feel if she tells me about all the guys she has been going on dates with?

Very well said Starbucks...I have followed Sneezy's story since the very beginning seeing that our break ups happened roughly around the same time. Never have I heard him say he wants her to suffer or that she is a wh*re. Granted I only know him over a computer screen, but from what I can see, he does not seem like that type of person.

Secondly, you're going to do what you want to do. We will tell you NC is best but ultimately is up to you to decide. We give advice based on given circumstances, you do NOT owe your ex a thing. But hey, if you want to wait around at her beckon call, you will be in this hurtful process a lot longer than need be. I don't think you are anywhere close to being able to talk with her as a friend(that's all you will be to her)...Anytime you think you can be friends ask yourself this question...How would I feel if she tells me about all the guys she has been going on dates with?

I'm sure Sneezy will be around soon to give his opinion, but I just couldn't help myself ;) And, very well said yourself!

Oh, and it's just Starby for short, lol

Alcmene just to add to the above (correct) posts.
NC isn't a form of punishment towards your ex, or whatever. It's something that you do for YOURSELF. I don't know how many break ups you've been through.. but I've been in 2 long/serious relationships.. The first lasted about a year and a half with a girl that I spent every day with,brought her home to the family e.t.c e.t.c you can imagine..
We broke up - and much like you, I wanted to be the nice guy.. I respected our history together and I still wanted her in my life..
It took me 3 years to get over her because of that.. and it hurt every time I would see her and pretend I was happy to hear her news about some guy she met, or how she got drunk and slept over at some guys house or whatever... I was still there for her.. in the three years we weren't together we still had sex several times, which kept me there like an obedient dog.. I only truly got over her when I met someone else - but it took me three years and trust me , no one wants to go through that.
Like the others said, you get advice from here, its up to you to follow it. But if you consider your well being more important than hers then you need to be selfish FOR NOW. When you're both ready you can be friends..
(To give you an example, I'm now really good friends with the ex mentioned. But that's only because there was a gap of about a year where I was with another girl and I just stopped thinking about my ex.. I still love her to bits but she's more of a sister to me now.. We still talk occasionally on the phone and I take her out when we're in the same city or whatever.. Just goes to say that its possible you can stay friends but not right now.. Right now you would be setting yourself up for a lot of pain.. your bond won't be forgotten, so you can be friends when the time is right.

Yikes, I think alcmene just asked a simple question and you guys murdered him. I'll try to be nicer.

They are right in that I never referred to her as a wh*re or anything like that. In fact, I don't want her to feel bad... it'd be much better if we just lived our own lives without ever running into each other.

As far as me owing her... perhaps you're right. We do "owe" each other due to the wonderful times we've shared with one another, but that's the thing, it's all in the past. As of right now, I owe her nothing, and she owes me nothing. The general consensus is that I don't "owe" it to her to pick up the phone call when it was in fact her that wanted to walk away from our relationship and to find another boyfriend. Just like she knew she didn't "owe" me anything when I kept asking her what was going on. If she did in fact owe me something, she at least owed me an explanation, but I was left hanging.

I understand what you mean about being "egotistical" when it comes to you just caring about yourself and leaving your ex in the dust, and I saw it in that light as well, but I've come to realize that if you're not a "little bit" selfish in this situation, you're going to get trampled. My entire relationship, I've put her in front and put myself in the back... if she wanted oysters and I wanted sushi, I'd grit my teeth and go to an oyster bar without telling her I wanted sushi. I spent the entire relationship with this particular attitude... and once we broke up, I realized that I can live without doing any of this... that I can live for me.

It's true, every relationship is different and who knows, maybe you two broke it off very amicably and you two are one of the few that can hold a friendship after a relationship. As for me, because my ex found another guy so fast and because she just left me hanging (kept telling me "No, we're just friends..." when in fact the guy slept over 2 weeks after we broke up) I felt like she betrayed my trust, and I'm not a huge fan of my trust being betrayed.

I hope that gave you some outlook alcmene. Don't be afraid to post questions on here, I'll try to keep starby from biting you :)

I struggle with the same dilemma. While we broke up on somewhat "good terms", i.e.. Still love each other, talked about the break-up endlessly. I feel you have to be selfish in the beginning because you have to look out for yourself and you "owe" yourself. Not accepting calls/contact, is not a way of punishing the ex or making them feel bad, but it's a way of protecting yourself in the first phase of healing. You got to make yourself a priority in the beginning not the ex. Face it, they hurt your feelings by breaking up.. they should be able to understand why you can't continue to be in contact with him. Its no longer about worrying how they feel... its about how you feel and what's best for you.

I struggle with the same dilemma. While we broke up on somewhat "good terms", ie. still love each other, talked about the break-up endlessly. I feel you have to be selfish in the beginning because you have to look out for yourself and you "owe" yourself. Not accepting calls/contact, is not a way of punishing the ex or making them feel bad, but its a way of protecting yourself in the first phase of healing. You gotta make yourself a priority in the beginning not the ex. Face it, they hurt your feelings by breaking up..they should be able to understand why you can't continue to be in contact with him. Its no longer about worrying how they feel...its about how you feel and what's best for you.


I think there needs to be a distinction drawn. Breaking up on good terms does not mean that one must necessarily keep in contact with the ex. Breaking up on good terms may keep things more civil, however people need to be careful that breaking up on good terms does not allow the feelings to linger on afterward.

Being on good terms throughout the breakup seems like a great way to increase the chances of contact further on down the road, but both parties involved must ensure that any linger feelings are gone before this happens - otherwise good terms will likely give way to ill feelings.

Exactly, big bird. That's why I'm working on NC until my feelings have diminished (my new goal of 3 months). I figure I shouldn't have any contact with him until I feel like I can honestly talk to him as a friend and not as someone "trying to get him back". When I feel the urge to call him or answer his calls/texts, I just keep reminding myself that.

Not trying to hurt him, just trying to protect myself.

Hey hey hey ! Thanks Sneeze to have taken my post just as I meant it, I never said you particularly wanted to make your ex suffer, it's just a feeling I got from thinking about the NC concept... It wasn't an accusation or whatever !

<explanations about why I posted that here, don't read if you want to stay in-topic and don't get mad at me please !>
As of putting the other one before yourself, that's exactly what I did, especially during these last months, when she was getting more and more into her personal problems, and I spent all my time trying to help her. I let school go, I let fun go, I let everything of myself go. I know it's not good for me, but that's how I am. With her even more, but even globally, I generally put the others before myself.
Even now, I keep on thinking about what I can do to help her with herself, and I surely accept that we have to split if that helps her (which is why she broke : "I feel too bad alone to be able to feel good in a relationship". Basically, she says she can't cope with being in a couple right now, and wants me not to wait for her as she doesn't know how long it will be and doesn't want to have this responsibility.). So, in my particular case, I wondered about NC being a bit of a punishment or not, and I realized that, even globally, the question stood.
Of course, in Sneeze's case, I understand that her ex didn't act correctly. The same would go for me if I realized that my girlfriend had just been just losing love for me and always denied it, I would have lost my trust for her and wouldn't care so much about her getting better, since she'd have lied about her problems and I'd have ruined months for nothing. But, for the moment, I do trust her, and don't want to make her feel worse.
</explanations>

Anyway, if you think I should leave this thread, I will. I apologize for posting that here, I admit it doesn't belong. It's just that I wanted to answer and I let my thoughts go while typing… Sorry !

PS : English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the errors I might do (egoistical, yeah)…

Basically, she says she can't cope with being in a couple right now, and wants me not to wait for her as she doesn't know how long it will be and doesn't want to have this responsibility.)

I'd hate to be "that guy" alcmene... but my ex told me the same thing. The last month or so, my ex was having health issues (blacking out for no reason... just overall weakness) so I tried to help her out quite a bit. Not only that, her grades were starting to slip, so you can imagine me running back and forth from my apartment to hers, trying to get her fed, get her rested, making sure she was studying but not too much, etc.

In the end, she said that she just can't "handle a relationship, but doesn't want me to wait because she knows it's unfair and she has no idea how long it'll take"... we ended that night very amicably... hugged... she cried... etc.

... fast forward 2 weeks.. . she's with a new guy.

I'm not saying that this'll happen to you, but it is a method in which many girls utilize (not on purpose... of course, girls aren't evil ;)) to alleviate some guilt and responsibility. You can ask romefalls, Ihatewestseneca, freakinconfused... none of us got dumped in that mean way... we all got dumped by "I need space..."

Again, I hope that doesn't happen to you and I hope things work out for you, but I'm just saying... don't be shocked if it does happen.

Ps - I don't mind you posting here at all. However, if you do have a question you'd like to get answered by everyone, you'd get more exposure in a question of your own. If you just have a general comment, then feel free to post away.

Update.

I just returned from a dinner with a friend of mine... and over the course of the past 4 months, I've changed my diet... from going out to eat... to cooking food at home. I've started to eat healthier, started to work out a lot, getting more sleep, etc.

In the end, I've dropped about 20 lbs.

At dinner, my friend tells me that there's ANOTHER rumor going on (... why don't people take a break.. ) about me that I'm losing weight because I'm SO depressed that I've stopped eating.

... I laughed at this, because I couldn't care less.

Other than that, I've been talking to hot-but-independent girl on and off for the past week now... it's very hard to talk to her as I have this idea that there should be some reciprocity... but she doesn't call me if I don't call her... because of this (throw in my god-complex and my stubborn nature), we don't talk unless I call her... so we don't talk but every 3 - 4 days.

I'll be going to the shooting range this weekend with her... she's also bringing her best friend. Not sure what that means... but regardless, it should be a good time.

Finals in a week.
Graduation in 2.5 weeks.

Update:

Another update so fast sneezy?

That's right ladies and gents... I'm an updating machine.

I just got back from what was supposed to be a night out... but it kind of became a wash after some people were late... others didn't show up... we ended spending 2 hours at a local steak and shake just waiting around.

... in the end, we decided to come home. Sad.

However, my ex's friend... graciously invited me over to her place to "hang out" and "continue the night anyway"

... I... graciously declined. Yikes.

Good for you Sneezy.

Sounds like the ex's friend is interested in you, never a good idea to date the friend of an ex, been there done that, big drama, no reward, bad idea.

Nope... that's why I steered clear.

Update again! (must be christmas... or hanukkah... or kwanza... etc.)

I just got back from the range with hot-but-independent girl... we had a good time. Went to the range, popped off a few, then went to eat dinner. We got to know each other very well... we talked a lot too. Found out a lot about her, her family, and just overall had a good time. When I first met her, I thought we'd never run out of things to talk about... but I was wrong. There were small moments where we had some silences and I was trying to come up with things to talk about... but nevertheless, had fun.

The ex e-mailed me to tell me that she has some things to give back to me... my fridge (she had my mini fridge... ), my keyboard, my mouse, ethernet cord... to be honest, I think I'm going to just swallow my losses (I already have) and tell her to just keep it all... what am I going to do with those things?

Ah... I'm taking some time off to hang out until I go back out again in a little bit. How's everyone's weekend?

Hi Sneezy!

Glad you had a good time with "hot, but independant girl" That isn't such a bad thing is it? It's sure better than "hot, but very clingy girl" right?

I think I know what your ex is trying to do. You haven't been answering her calls, so now she is finding other things to contact you about, and at the same time trying to seem polite by wanting to return your things. Believe me, I was THAT girl once. (or twice, hehe) All of a sudden when it seemed like he wasn't answering his messages anymore, I made excuses to appeal to his 'greedy side' (for lack of a better term)

There is SUNNN here today, so the evil snow person is slowly melting away!

We are over at the doggie dance party later if you want to come and play some music! I got the party started with dedicating a "bubble" song to Chicky! LOL ;)

Glad to see your progress..
Im almost a month of NC I think.. I should probably look back at my posts and see but there's no point looking back really.. 1 month of NC.. 1 month and a week or two since we broke up...
I've been talking to this old friend of mine on the phone a lot.. well she does most of the talking which can be quite irritating.. She's really attractive and she invited me to go down to see her for the weekend.. It's strange though because she usually messages me or asks me to call, and when I reply she probably won't reply.. It's been a week or so that she has this habit of doing this.. so much like you sneezy I stopped texting first/calling.. and yeah we talk every couple of days now..

I still miss my ex a lot.. have my weak moments at times.. She updated her Facebook profile and she's so pretty.. shouldnt be looking but I got the update on my main page.. was going through my cell phone videos as well and there were a few with them in it..
I was going to make a movie out of the clips with my own music in the background.. and maybe put it on YouTube.. but I think that's probably a really really bad idea right?
Yes it is.dont reply.

Haha, I'll reply anyway.. . don't look at her fbook. That thing is the devil. Luckily for me, my ex actually looks worse now that she's with her new guy... and hot-but-independent girl... is definitely better looking (YES!) than my ex... I'm not comparing, but I'm also not complaining.

What throws me off a little bit is that hot-but-independent girl actually knows she's hot-and-independent... and will make small vain comments about herself... which is sort of a "wow, did you really just say that...?" but it also a bit endearing. I guess we'll see if it's the attraction that's talking soon enough.

nickshehe: After about a month of NC, I suggest you look back over your post... and see how much of an improvement you've made. It may not have been much, but I have a feeling that you've definitely made an improvement... you'll be surprised.

Sneezy, silences can be very comfortable. When yours and hers are comfortable, you will realize you are making headway in a relationship. (but you knew that)

When she makes one of her "comments," poke a little fun at her to see what happens, what she does. You can take her measure that way too.

Where are you going next?

Heh, one thing I've started doing is to make fun of her every now and then to bring her down a notch... nothing mean, just a little playful.

I was thinking to call her Tuesday night to see if she wanted to watch a movie... but one thing that's very difficult about this girl is that she's very busy with her own friends (remember that lunch planned out 3 weeks in advance?) so... if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. If it happens, great. I'm sure she's pretty aware of my attraction towards her... only a blind/deaf/mute... actually, a blind/deaf/mute would notice it as well.

In about 2 weeks, she's leaving to go home, then she's moving for work, so... I have no expectations, simply enjoying the time I have now.

heh, one thing I've started doing is to make fun of her every now and then to bring her down a notch...nothing mean, just a little playful.

Yes, do it in your usual droll way. It's the most charming part of you.

heh, one thing I've started doing is to make fun of her every now and then to bring her down a notch...nothing mean, just a little playful.

I was thinking to call her Tuesday night to see if she wanted to watch a movie...but one thing that's very difficult about this girl is that she's very busy with her own friends (remember that lunch planned out 3 weeks in advance?) so...if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. If it happens, great. I'm sure she's pretty aware of my attraction towards her...only a blind/deaf/mute...actually, a blind/deaf/mute would notice it as well.

In about 2 weeks, she's leaving to go home, then she's moving for work, so...I have no expectations, simply enjoying the time I have now.

You're so funny sometimes (most of the time) Sneeze! You make me giggle! I'm glad you're just having fun with it... as "blind/deaf/mute" as you are! LOL! I sooo want to be your age again! Please study up in Med School on a youth serum! Even if it only lasts for a day!. :D ;)

Update:

I broke NC! I did I did!

Yes, tal, you can hit me if you wish... I think synnen has a whip somewhere.

I've gotten 4 - 5 e-mails from my ex wondering what she should do with my things... so in the end, I just sent her an e-mail saying that she can keep it, sell it, give it away... whatever she'd like.

I knew it was a trap, I went for the trap, and I fell in the trap... head first.

I went to dinner with a mutual friend tonight, and at dinner, I asked, "Do you need a mini-fridge, by any chance?"

Her response was priceless: "...can you please talk to her?"

My ex had a conversation with said mutual friend that pretty much said that my ex was using the whole "giving back my stuff" as an excuse to talk to me.

Points for starby.

I knew this... I wasn't shocked about it... so I replied, "I have nothing to say to her...at all. So, do you need a fridge?"

In the end, I decided to give the mutual friend my fridge, but she said she'd only accept it if I e-mailed my ex telling her that I allow her to give the fridge to mutual friend. I agreed.

I e-mailed my ex again, telling her that she can give the fridge to mutual friend. Her reply was pretty much condensed to:

- Thanks for responding
uh huh, no probs.
- I have no idea why you're so angry with me.
lady, if you don't know why I'm angry with you, perhaps you should rethink the whole "grad school" idea. A 7-year old could figure out why I would be mad. Let's cut the crap.
- Are you sure you don't want to talk to me?
yep. Thought I made that clear.
- Can we please talk?
nope.
- Do you want to throw away our entire friendship over what may be a misunderstanding?
It's not a misunderstanding. You threw it away when you decided to get with another guy within 2 weeks. You did it. Not me.
- There are rumors going on, and I want to set the record straight.
I know about the rumors, no need to set them straight.
- Can we talk at least once?
nope. Thought I made that clear... again
- If after talking once, you don't ever want to talk again, I understand.
uh huh
- If you don't even want that one talk, please tell me that you don't want that one talk.
if the act of ignoring your 22 calls, not responding to your 2 voice mails, and not replying to your 3 e-mails doesn't send you the message loud and clear, I have no idea whatelse I can do. Sorry lady.

My response to the e-mail?

"I think mutual friend said she wants the fridge. Please give it to her. As for the rest of the stuff, feel free to keep it, give it away, or sell it. Thanks"

As far as the other aspects of my "romance" life?

HBI girl and I are having lunch this week. I expect nothing. Just a simple, "I'll probably never see you again, so let's get together before we part ways" lunch.

Hot persian chick stood me up... but then called to say that she fell asleep, and will call me this week. Not buying it.

I met a girl while I was at an aquarium... she was working at one of the "touch the hermit crab" booths. It was quite unpopular, so I walked over, and had a nice chat. Got her number. I'll be seeing her sometime this week as well.

I am graduating in one week. I am backpacking through Europe for 2 weeks in the summer. I just put in a bid for a sports bar/grill and it was accepted.

... this summer's going to be ridiculous.

Stay tuned, folks... this ex-business isn't over yet.

Awww Sneezy. Well you knew that sooner or later she was going to make some sort of contact with you. She's been working really hard at that hasn't she! I think you handled it all pretty well though. If she doesn't get the hint after what you have said now, she never will.

I think you should call the "touch the hermit crab" girl LMAO! That just sounds funny to me... sorry, haha!

I need all the laughs I can get tonight... Niki is in doggie hosp... had surgery today, because she got attacked lastnite. The whole ordeal (well some of it) is on my Dancing with my Dog thread.

Starby sad :(

Brilliant update Sneeze. Your definitely right to keep your distance, she did dump you after all, guess they think that your feelings and thinking of her won't change after they dump us, but they do.

Their loss for sure.

Backpacking sounds great, and fair play on the bar and grill. 6 months on your doing fantastic!

yes, tal, you can hit me if you wish... I think synnen has a whip somewhere.

Its to late. You have moved sufficiently through the healing process, that I can only hope you send me the address for that sports bar. The only advice I can really give is that BBQ Buffalo wings are a big hit on Sunday, during the game.

Sneezy, Tal is right. You have healed very very well so the e-mailing her back shouldn't put you back and you should stay right on track. I think we are all in agreement about the sports bar, addresses for everyone ha ha.

I am really proud to see how you handled the situation, that could have been a disaster but you handled it like a pro. You could have simply begged for her back when she showed the slightest bit of interest, just remember that. You might thing you did a bad thing, but it could have went a lot worse!

CALL HERMIT GIRL! Ha ha

I think we are all in agreement about the sports bar, addresses for everyone ha ha.


Yeah, I like booze and anything you can eat from a bar, so I'm down...

Anyway, is this freaking you out? I bet its not... I think I would feel like its no big deal at all, who cares if you made some contact. "Meh, sure keep my crap, do whatever" you gave nothing away my friend, you sacrificed no dignity, it was the best kind of contact you could give an ex. Short, simple, and somewhat emotionless.

Hey Sneezy,

I think it's OK that you made contact; don't be so hard on yourself. I mean honestly... you're over her. You still have angry feelings left over, but why woudn't you?? She's been quite persistent and you've made yourself pretty clear. She can take it or leave it. :T

Sounds like you handled it well to me. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Nice job with the hermit crab girl... I have to learn to chat up women - its been way to long :)


P.S. - Can we call her crabs girl?:p

Thanks everyone. Yeah I figured I didn't handle it too bad... I just saw no way out of the situation, did what I had to do.

We can call her crabs girl... that works for me.

A good buddy of mine actually said, "sneeze...you have to learn to talk to random women. It's time."

We went to a club this past weekend, and I froze up... it's not really my scene... I'd rather not meet women in areas where they're falling over drunk and where it's so loud I have to shout to her.. . I pick my own places... like the aquarium. I do what I do.

Sneezy, not to mention at a club... God forbid if you are shouting to talk to the girl and you say something and the music stops! That would make for an embarrassing moment ha ha..

Talking to random women is truly a learned skill, it's all about being able to just be yourself around them. Like Sneezy, I was always afraid to go up to girls that I didn't know but a friend told me, "the worst the can say is no" so what do you have to lose? Don't use a pick up line, just say "hey how are you" I would place money you at least get a hello back

"the worst they can say is no"
Or keep you buying drinks for them, YUCKKKKKKK!

Very true Tal, which is why I support the full 3 drink policy that me and my friends have. We will only buy 3 drinks for a girl, if by the end of the 3 drinks we don't have a number then we cut off.

Talking to random women is truly a learned skill, it's all about being able to just be yourself around them.

The best advice I ever got was to not just talk to random women. Talk to everyone - the guy/girl at your local coffee shop, the dry cleaner counter person, people that you deal with on a daily basis. I have met a lot of interesting people who have commented on an overheard conversation between me and the guy at the local mini-mart. I think it makes them see you as an outgoing, confident person and not a guy just out to pick up a woman and it automatically makes them more comfortable talking to you.

I don't think I have a problem talking to random women... I certainly walked up to a random girl who worked at the aquarium and started to talk to her... I just feel that the club scene isn't a good place to "talk" to girls. I prefer to meet them in coffee shops and libraries. Yes. I am a dork. Whoo hoo!

When you go to the local meat markets, that's what you get. Aquariums are good, or anyplace, besides a bar.

Yea, usually when I want to meet a girl to pursue a relationship, I go to nice places(coffee shop, mall, and musuems) but if I want a hook up then bar scene.

Please do not take that offensively women, I love you all. I have just learned through MY expierences that girls met at a bar usually equal not good relationship material lol

Yeah, I mean... really, when your kid asks how you met mom, do you want your story to go along with... "Well, I was at this club, getting smashed...and I saw your mom, and she was pretty freaking tipsy as well...vomiting and such...and she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. So I took her back to my place..."

"And 9 months later, out popped you. This is why daddy is only around 2 weekends a month because alcohol seemed to release my better judgement."

"And 9 months later, out popped you. This is why daddy is only around 2 weekends a month because alcohol seemed to release my better judgement."
Is this an updated version of the stork story I grew up with? :confused:

Or the cabbage patch tale I told my kids?? :D

... you guys are sick.


I love it.

Update:

I just got back from an end-of-the-year party for my school. Having a GREAT time at a bar, moving through the crowd, taking pictures, meeting with EVERYONE, just overall, having a good time. I see my ex with her new guy, no biggie, I give her a chin up, small smile, and keep walking. As I come back, she puts her arm around my stomach, grabs my shirt, and says, "Can we talk?"

I peel her hand off my shirt, reply, "Nope" and continue walking.

Throughout the night, she's seen trying to talk to my best bud to get some "sense" in me to try and talk with her... here's the best part... my best bud's drunk out of his mind, to the point he's talking to her... hugging her... etc... then looks at her, and goes, "..wait...who...are you?" classic.

All in all, she's upset throughout the night, and I just could not care. We all end up going to a different bar, and I catch her looking at me every now and then, and I get evil eyes from her new guy (... which I couldn't care less for, as... he's scared of me. The fact that he's scared of me is a cherry on top of my gigantic sundae with everything on top), and I just continue on with my night.

Could I have handled it better? Possibly... I could have not used the smart alecky "Nope" line, and instead have said, "No, sorry"... but to be honest, I was having a great time and I was a little tipsy. However, no regrets.

This entire week is senior's week at my university, which means I'll run into her VERY often... I'll keep you guys updated on the comedy. Right now, I'm still thinking of how my best bud talked to her for literally 20 - 30 minutes, and in the end, looked at her, and said, "...wait, who are you?"... it was by far, the funniest scene tonight.

Sounds good to me sneeze. Fair play my man.

And I bet your friend saying that made you laugh, made me laugh reading it!

Top man.

Oh Sneeze, you're so funny hun. What your friend said just cracked me right up! LMAO! That was great!

She made her bed...

Good for you bro.

Update before I leave:

I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow morning... so I'll put a small update here.

Nothing's changed since the last time I saw my ex... in fact, I've seen my ex every single day this past week (we're all graduating, so there are constant events + parties going on). I believe she's finally realized that I am not willing to speak to her. I always catch her looking at me when we're out, but she no longer approaches me. (tiny victory!)

I guess the highlight is when I was at a club/lounge with my friend's sister (to make it better... she was gorgeous), my ex was there as well. The girl and I left together at the end, us walking to our car on one sidewalk, my ex and her boyfriend walking on the other sidewalk... quite west-side story-esque.

Next day, I get an e-mail from a mutual friend that states:

- Did you hook up with friend's gorgeous sister? (FGS for short)
- Ex was pissed she saw me with her.
- Ex wrote mutual friend an e-mail that says:
:: ex misses me... a lot. As a boyfriend and as a friend.
:: ex and new boyfriend constantly fight... but they're still trying to work things out.
:: ex wants to talk to me... and she hopes us being in the same city next year will help a lot.

Could. Care. Less.

SO. That's the update so far. Me and HBI girl are pretty much dunzo... not sure what I said/did for things to go badly... I have a small idea, and it's that I have a few very close female friends who are very cuddly with me. They'll hug me and take me as their dates to different events. We're, however, just strictly friends.

One night, at an event, I was talking to HBI and a friend walked up, grabbed my hands, and said, "let's dance, date."... I'm not so sure HBI was upset by this, regardless... last time I texted her to grab something to eat, there was no response. Sad.

I'm off to Europe in the morning! I'll be back in 2 weeks! Be good everyone. Hope everyone's doing well with their NC.

If you happen to swing by nottingham let me know and ill buy you a pint :]

Enjoy your trip man. Should be tons of fun.

Glad to hear your doing better, if you can see her everyday last week and not get upset about it, I think your just about there.

Looking forward to that someday soon :)

What's in Europe? (I'll miss you!)

Not sure what's in Europe... I guess that's why I'm going!

I'll be backpacking with my best friend from college (feels weird saying that... ) for 2 weeks. I'll be hitting up London, Brussels, Berlin, Amsterdam, Prague, Barcelona, and Madrid.

I'll "update" my blog every now and then from different cities. I'll miss you guys as well. Ciao!

I've been to Canada...

I will look forward to reading about your adventures. Where is your blog?

ISneezeFunny.blogspot.com

I'll try to keep up with it. I swear.

Btdubs... congrats on your new status as JOBS + PARENTING expert!

Have fun Sneeze! Take care and look forward to reading your blogs, let me know how the beer is in Germany

ISneezeFunny.blogspot.com

I'll try to keep up with it. I swear.

btdubs...congrats on your new status as JOBS + PARENTING expert!

I'll check your blog. Next to dailycoyote, it is sure to become a favorite.

Thank you for your congrats. TPTB couldn't come up with a title (so multitalented am I), so I was a wandering expert for a while, but they finally hit on something quite satisfying. I'm hoping you will avail yourself of my expertise when you job hunt and have your first child (but not anytime soon).

Woot.. Amsterdam / Brussels are calling me too this summer.
Just out of curiousity is anyone hitting Rock Werchter (Rock Werchter 2007 (http://rockwerchter.be)) this summer?
Would be cool to meet some of you guys.. Especially the normal non psychotic girls :D
(We could actually turn these forums into a date site since most of us are single)

I'll go first:
Vulnerable 22 year old male just dumped.
Seeking true love.
Likes poetry and long walks on the beach.
.. ok I made the last part up :/

I'll go first:
Vulnerable 22 year old male just dumped.
Seeking true love.
Likes poetry and long walks on the beach.

Get a dog :D

Sneeze - Prague is quality just got back from there, and london is good fun too. Go to covent garden if you can, def my fave place in london town. Barcelona is awesome too, you'll have a blast!

London is all about camden :)

I want to thank everyone here. I have been going through a break up and it has been now 2 months, and seeing how you have eveolved with time Sneezy, it really gives me hope and has helped me a lot. Since I am overseas it is easy with NC but sometimes you do get weak and decide t odo something about it but stop... but this has been most helpful.
Once again THX a lot people.

No problem bud. I think it's time for an update soon. Perhaps I'll put one up sometime today.

Keep your head up. It does get easier.

Update:

... I had to count how many days it's been... and lost count. It's been a little more than 7 months. Obviously, if you've kept up with my posts for the past 7 months, you'll realize that I'll well over my ex. I've dated a few girls (nothing serious, a few dates here and there.. ).

I remember in the past, predicting that my ex and her new boyfriend would end it at 6 months... citing a ridiculous reason (I predicted a certain reason). I just found out, that on their 6 month anniversary, they ended it for said reason.

Of course, I couldn't care less that they broke up (really... I really don't care) but I was ecstatic to find out that I was dead on about the time and the reason. It was like winning the life lotto. It. Was. Awesome!

For everyone that's still in their early periods of NC... keep your head up. It really does get MUCH MUCH MUCH better. Trust me.

For everyone who wants "revenge"... don't bother. It'll only backfire. Revenge happens naturally. For example, I ran into my ex at a restaurant (my favorite restaurant... not sure why she was there). She was there with her new boyfriend... I was there... with a smoking hottie... let's just say, revenge when unplanned... is... SWEET.

SO. Keep your head up. Don't give up.

Hey Sneezy, I've been reading through your thread for the past 1-1.5 hrs, and its been very entertaining but besides that I'm glad to see that you've recovered so well. I'm only on day 16 of no contact and its been almost 5 weeks for the breakup... I know I've improved in that time but it's good to see that things will get much better with time. If you don't mind me asking, how did it end for them? Nice guess however it was.

And I got a random question... do you really sneeze funny because people tell me that I do all the time...

Hey Sneezy, I've been reading through your thread for the past 1-1.5 hrs, and its been very entertaining but besides that I'm glad to see that you've recovered so well. I'm only on day 16 of no contact and its been almost 5 weeks for the breakup...I know I've improved in that time but it's good to see that things will get much better with time. If you don't mind me asking, how did it end for them? Nice guess however it was.

And I got a random question...do you really sneeze funny because people tell me that I do all the time...

He sneezes very funny!! ;) Right Sneezer McSneeze?

10657

1. I actually started like that too.

My ex ended things with me... right during finals week.. . I was OK with the breakup until I found out she got with a new guy within 3 days of us breaking up.. . then I was a wreck. I ended up spending 4 days in the library... where I just read people's posts about breakups and NC for hours and hours. Made things a bit better.

2. It ended for them... exactly how I called it. The new boyfriend is actually a distant friend of mine. I knew him through some other people... he had a bad rep for being a flirt and a liar and a cheater (I know, I'm biased... but it's true. He really did have a bad rep. His cheating record is apparently 100%). My ex didn't believe this at all (MANY people, not me, have told her about his rep. she didn't believe anyone).

Apparently, at 6 months, he cited "religious differences" and how they have no future together. That may/may not be the truth... there's actually a "rumor" circulating around though that he's been sleeping with his roomie for some time now. Regardless of whether that's true... who knows.

Only thing that matters... I CALLED IT!

3. The user id ISNEEZEFUNNY came to me while I was in the library... around 5am.. . I didn't want to use any of the user ids I currently use... for the sake of anonymity, when I sneezed. I was going through a rough patch, wasn't eating well, wasn't sleeping well, and certainly wasn't bathing well (I spent something like 62 hours in the library... straight). So I caught a bit of the cold. When I sneezed, my upper lip didn't cooperate with my bottom lip to make that "O" so that I can actually "ah choo"... and my sneeze, instead of being an "ah choo" became a "ah ppfftttfgbbtt".

Hence...

I Sneeze Funny

1. Yea I've been doing that for the past few weeks and it has helped a ton so far

2. nicely done

3. I can imagine that sneeze and it sounds hilarious

Keep your head up pwtnu4. Spend time with your family... friends... listen to music, watch movies, watch TV, read a book, go to the gym (when people first told me to go to the gym, I thought, "wth are these people talking about?"... and now I realize, it REALLY helps you relieve stress... and also, I realize I look good afterwards; makes me feel better)

Distract yourself. And do your best to not find out what your ex is up to.

Best.

I thought, " are these people talking about?"


Happens a lot on here right sneezy :)

keep your head up pwtnu4. spend time with your family...friends...listen to music, watch movies, watch tv, read a book, go to the gym (when people first told me to go to the gym, I thought, " are these people talking about?" ...and now I realize, it REALLY helps you relieve stress...and also, I realize I look good afterwards; makes me feel better)

distract yourself. and do your best to not find out what your ex is up to.

best.

Thanks sneezy, I started working out a few weeks ago but then got lazy but I'm thinking of starting up again, maybe tomorrow actually... im leaving to study abroad in Prague in a month so I'm sure that will help things get much better for me and I got to do a lot in getting ready for it including reading so I've got plenty on the agenda to keep my mind off things. I'm actually finding in the past week things have gotten somewhat better for some reason :)... hope it continues!

Nice. If you're ever in Old Town, check out Lavka and Karlovy. Clubs with few of the most beautiful women in prague. Mm mm

nice. if you're ever in Old Town, check out Lavka and Karlovy. Clubs with few of the most beautiful women in prague. mm mm

The place I'm staying at for 4 months is actually in Old Town... so I'm sure I'll be there at least a few times :D

Cracking stuff Sneezy.

Id say that your story has been a great help all round to a lot of people. Myself included. Keep up with the good work, and part of me is glad that the karma came round on your ex.

She'll never find another sneezy!

Likewise my ex will never find another JPM, and when I feel a bit down, I smile when I think of this.

I have been through this low Self-esteem phase right now, after 2 months. Is this something you have gone through Sneezy or not? I have done much yesterday and the day before so it might be because of that. Thank god I am not in the same country as her haha. Any additional advice?

low self esteem?. yeah, I'd say I was there. I remember "being a wreck"... not sleeping for about 3 days, not eating, etc. Admittedly, it was.. a low point. I remember trying to find a random person in the library at 5am just so that I wouldn't have to sit alone.

It took me about a week to get out of that "wreck" phase... and I just started to force myself to get out of the house... go out with my friends, listen to music, read books, and mostly... the gym. That heavenly place down the street that smells like sweat. I never really worked out until I realized that.. going to the gym, REALLY helps. Relieved a lot of stress... and after about a month, I just looked better... and thus, I felt a whole lot better.

and as far as self esteem goes, I also realized that after a month or so, I was saving up so much money by being single (I used to spoil my gfs... )... so I went out and bought some new clothes, got a haircut, etc. really helped.

I see... thanks once more Sneezy

So now after 7 months if you think of her how do you react? (if she does cross your mind at all).

Mmm... she'll cross my mind every now and then. If I go to a restaurant, and my date orders the same thing (appetizer, entrée, AND wine) that my ex did... or something like that.

I... just reminisce for a quick second, go through the memories, smile a little, and move on.

I'm hanging in the same boat as well...

I walked the paths my ex & I walked when we went to visit my high school.. it was hard~

The sceneries, the kiss.. everything =/

Well... here's an update.

It's been a while, huh?

Last night, a friend of mine needed a ride to the grocery store... so I obliged.

I went to pick her up at her dorm (where my ex is a resident advisor), and guess who I run into? My ex and her "new" boyfriend.. . I say "new" because it's been a few months now.

Last I heard, they broke up, but are still "together"... so yeah, I ran into them, directly. I simply nodded a "hello" and went about my business.

I come home, and I get a text from her:

U should be really happy that your not with me anymore. I've turned into this horrible b*tch that I can't even stand to be around.

... urgh? This is odd as... I have not spoken to her in about 8 months or so...

... and I have no idea what that even meant.

I didn't respond, because the only response I could think of was, "ok..? thanks for...the update?"

... interesting.

U should be really happy that ur not with me anymore. I've turned into this horrible b*tch that I can't even stand to be around.
1. She misses you. You were best thing that ever happened to her.
2. She wants you to miss her. It kills her to be ignored/waved away.
3. Even though she says she wants you to be happy, in reality she doesn't want you to be happy (without her).
4. It's all your fault that she has become a b*tch.
5. She's hoping you will hop astride your white charger and gallop over to rescue her from herself.
6. Her grammar needs polishing ("...that I can't even stand..." s/b "...that even I can't stand...").
There's probably more, but I'm tired and can't think.

Haha, thanks wondergirl.

I automatically agree with what you said... although I feel a bit weird about all this because as I said, it's been SUCH a long time since we ended things... not to mention she still has that new guy... a bit odd.

I absolutely agree with you on the grammar. She was such a stickler to grammar when we were together. I'm wondering what happened to this girl..

it's been SUCH a long time since we ended things...
Women, like elephants, never forget.

Poor girl!!

Oh man. I actually feel bad for her... a little. Are you going to do anything about it and/or respond, sneeze?

Oh man. I actually feel bad for her...a little. Are you going to do anything about it and/or respond, sneeze?

If my ex texted me or if I ran into her, I'm just going to walk by =]

She's already burning her parents' money by hanging out with her "new best friends" to drinking + parties... Apparently, her parents income is less than $30k/year

Besides that, I have a girl who really likes me... she admitted she loves me~ although we have a huge age gap D:

lol...

Sneeze better not respond! Ha ha.. she is just putting feelers out there, she does this from time to time, whether its direct contact or through a friend.

Take it with a grain of salt, she's still clinging to her "new" guy and you have gone so far without her. Jealousy is such a big disease

Interesting turn of events Sneezy...

I'm sure you'll handle it fine, I assume your not planning any response??

He probably doesn't have time.

I don't think I have anything to respond with. If it was a question such as, "You doing ok?" I might have come up with something...

But... that text? I mean... what IS the proper response for that?

My immediate reaction was, "Who is this?"... as I no longer have her number... but I realize now that "who is this" may have sent her over the edge.

Right now, I got nothing.

And yes, tal... I barely have time to eat/go to the bathroom as it is... much less deal with needy exes.

You could multi task, eat in the bathroom, with your laptop, hehehe!! :D

Okay... must still need coffee!:eek:

"Who is this?" would have been great, but I'm sure there would have been plenty more bs to deal with had you sent that...

A+ for the idea though...

"Who is this?" would drive her to the brink, so it's better not to respond.

Wow :P 41 pages of posts... finally I made it... congratulations sneezy for your progress... I don't want to say that you are mean :P but I seems that I am too nice sometimes...

I am thinking of printing your thread as a guide and start reading it daily :P

I guess I am so silly.. I would really feel sorry her and I would just say something to her after the last message... If I was in your shoes... Something like you know... I wish you the best but I don't want anything else with you...

But who am I to advice you :P... You handled the whole thing like a pro :P..

How much you charge per hour for relationship coaching? I am interested :p...

You were basically explaining me and my ex, we never fought, everything was all good an peachy, :(

You were basically explaining me and my ex, we never fought, everything was all good an peachy, :(

Don't read through it that way - read it paying attention to how much he has grown, and how he has healed through the time since. Use it as a confidence booster, not something to tear you down.

I'm gong to read everypage of this

I'm seriously going to print off the initial few pages of this and review it whenever I need a pick me up to keep motivation if I'm not near friends and/or can't post on this site in order to keep the NC continued and to continue healing.

You handled your situation extremely calmly sneeze, I commend you, I wish I could have the same mind set as you but sadly I have to work much harder for that mind set it seems.

Thanks to everybody who has posted here, it really does help a lot.

Wow, I spent a couple of hours reading through this (yes along with a few bathroom breaks in between :P) and I have to say Sneezy, congrats man you've EARNED your confidence and self esteem back.

The funny thing about your story is that there are so many similarities between us.
- I'm also pre-med
- my ex dumped me after 3 yrs
- dated a guy after 3 days who I too was cautious about
- I went NC almost immediately and kept contacting me wanting to talk.
- said that I disrespected our 3 yrs that we had together and other censored materials. Called next day apologizing for what she said LOL
- I have been NC for 6 months+ and it feels great.
- I actually got a message from her saying "hows school coming along. Senior year must be tough, did you take your mcats. I just wanted to see how you were doing" Basically sending our testers to see how she was doing.
- All I can say is that by reading your complete thread sneezy, and after having many rendevouz with a couple of women, things are most def looking up.
- It's strange how ex's tend to get into contact with you just when you've moved on/are over them.

P.S. Seeing as how your ex turned out sneezy, I'm damn well sure that there is a very lucky lady out there for you
On a side note, may I ask if your paper got published and if you give me a general synopsis on it?

Thanks everyone, I'm glad I was able to help somehow. I owe everyone who gave me excellent advice, and often a good butt kicking to help me along the way.

Spion, which paper are you talking about? I worked on quite a few...

spion, which paper are you talking about? I worked on quite a few...
I bet he means this thread. Send it to Seventeen or another girl magazine.

Haha, if everyone's really adamant about it, I will actually look into somehow getting this thread published.

haha, if everyone's really adamant about it, I will actually look into somehow getting this thread published.
Just do your posts carefully edited. We don't care about the other ones. The magazine will want your experience. You want a list of places to send it? I have at least half of it on Word and could add the rest. I put it in a journal format.

Think of it as doing a public service to girls and women (and guys!) everywhere. Even send it to a men's magazine like Men's Health. Maybe it would help cut down on the NC posts here.

I'd also want to submit my story too :D

I'd also want to submit my story too :D
And that story is..

And that story is...........?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/1-year-relationship-down-drain-192003.html

And this

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/got-dumped-220989.html

So do what Sneezy did. Pull it all together into a comprehensible story and send it in to magazines.

Go to your local public library and ask Reference for help. They'll give you the 2008 Writer's Market or Literary Marketplace. Check the entries and figure out where best to send it. Put together a cover letter, print out your story and the letter, and mail them. If you need further help, message me.

So do what Sneezy did. Pull it all together into a comprehensible story and send it in to magazines.

Go to your local public library and ask Reference for help. They'll give you the 2008 Writer's Market or Literary Marketplace. Check the entries and figure out where best to send it. Put together a cover letter, print out your story and the letter, and mail them. If you need further help, message me.

Thank you :D <3

Can't wait :D

Thank you :D <3

Can't wait :D
I check in over 225 magazines at the public library where I work. I'll be watching for it. Can't wait. ;)

I check in over 225 magazines at the public library where I work. I'll be watching for it. Can't wait. ;)

Definitely.

Hello everyone.

Recent update.

It has been... what, over a year... and the ex... is still... here.

She's been texting me over the past year or so... the usual, "Happy Birthday" and "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year"... etc.

Recently, I got a text from her telling me that my favorite professor, mentor, and friend had passed away. I was crushed, so I broke NC and called her to ask her about details.

Let me tell you, talking to your ex after a year of not talking to her, is a little surreal. She had no details about the death, so I just thanked her for letting me know, and then she proceeded to say, "So, what're you up to?"

I was a bit... shocked... and a little disgusted at this. I know she tried to sympathize with me, but I got the feeling she was using the passing of a really close friend to get back in touch with me, so I told her I was busy and I had to go.

The past few days, I kept getting texts about the death and if I knew any more info, etc... so I politely responded that I did not, and brushed the texts off.

Last night, I got a call from a mutual friend and she told me (out of the blue) that she had lunch with my ex, and according to her, my ex looked "really sad...as if she's going through some sort of depression. She lost about 15 lbs, had bags under her eyes, etc."

Then she proceeded to tell me that the entire time, my ex kept talking about me, how she missed me, etc.

Side note: my ex moved onto another guy within 3 days of us breaking up... and is currently LIVING with that guy.

So I told my friend that I don't see how any of this is my problem... at all. She left me. She's unhappy with new guy, then she can figure things out on her own.

However, for some odd reason, I'm assuming because women all flock together, my friend wants me to at least call my ex and TALK to her. Don't get back with her... don't tell her I miss her... but just a simple nice civil chat, to offer her closure.

I then responded that we both had closure when we broke up.

Not... enough, apparently.

So I'm here, getting hounded by not only HER friends, but now MY friends for being a jerk for not calling her and at least trying to make her a LITTLE happy... according to them, "it's a simple hello. You say hi, and you brighten up her day...it's such a simple thing to do without much work...c'mon"

Great. She is now... my charity case.

I have not called my ex yet, and I'm pretty adamant in that I will not be calling her... but we'll see what happens.

Did she talk to you after she broke up with you and give YOU closure? No! Did she offer to cheer YOU up? No! Did she call YOU to have civil chit chat? No! Did she make YOU a little "happy" when you broke up? Again... No! Why are you letting your friends, and her friends tell you to do this? Why are you even listening to them? Why are you "pretty" adament about not calling her? I know you don't want to be back where you were a yr. ago Sneezy! Don't make me put you over my knee! Okay... don't answer that! :p She wasn't feeling bad for you. Don't start feeling bad for her now. You know that game. She thought the grass was greener, and now wants back over the fence!

Good riddance---.. Don't call her. She left you, now that she is not happy with her current boyfriend, she wants to come back,Bull...

Ive been following this thread for a while and have finally come to reach the end. I can relate to it so much...
Sneezy I got to tell you mate, WELL DONE!. I can't wait till I am in the state of mind you are at. Seriously, you are an example to a lot of people on here.. I am happy for you!
My ex is also at university... things were fine, she always told me she loved me etc... then one day she told me she had doubts & didn't know what she wanted (to be single or to be with me) & needed to figure things out etc.. you know that old chestnut - the 'NICE' way of ending things... she then started talking a lot to another guy a few weeks before leaving me, then once she left me... guess what happened only a few weeks later, yep she was already with this other guy...
It initially made me think that maybe she left me for him... but in reality I came to realise I will never know the true reason why she dumped me. I never got true closure either - she just told me she felt "uncomfortable in a relationship and didnt know why"... she just felt that way...

Its been 7 weeks of NC for me, and if I was faced with a situation like yours... I would just continue with my life as NORMAL. Perhaps explain to your friends why your not going to contact her, I am sure they will understand. And... as for her friends, let them think you are a jerk.
You didn't want to break up - she did.
You didn't start seeing another person - she did.
You didn't end it and give no closure - she did.
See, she just has to live with the consequences now man!

Its not out of spite that you are refusing to call or anything. Don't think you are a bad person if you don't contact her now. Its FAIR... you are just trying to get on with your life after how hard it was for you... so its only FAIR that you continue that, and she should also get on with hers...
Keep posting dude... wish you all the best!

Sneezy, you know how we both came in to this around the same time and we have definitely been through the ups and downs together. We are both so much better off without our exes in the picture. She left you, how her life turned out is no longer your problem Your exes friends can blame you all they want for jumping ship, but your ex jumped first!

Sneezy,

Well done, great post. Would have been so easy to take her back on as a charity case.

F**k the 'friends' that say you need to help her. Did she help you when you went through the break up and went off with someone else, eh.. no.

Hey Sneeze!

Don't do it my friend...

I recently got in contact with my ex (and yeah, what a year it has been) turns out she was home from school and I ran into her at xmas service at church. It was a little awkward, but I made sure that if I saw her I would just smile, say hello, and continue conversing with some old friends.

Anyway, she approached me, told me that I looked good and gave me a hug, I was a little surprised at this, and then she told me that she would call me before she went back to school. Seeing her didn't really make me upset at all, I mean, I really think I'm finally over her. So that's my justification for getting coffee with her, just to catch up and see how things are going for one another.

And the tales she told me... oh man... apparently she now hangs out with the wrong crowd, is involved with drugs and drinks on a regular basis, her grades are slipping, she is in a LDR with new guy, and she even told me that she has cut herself a few times because of the stress from school or something... my only response to this was shock, horror, and the question "What the hell happened!?"

And now I just feel pity for her... even if she is having fun at school she is on a self-destructive path. And not to sound soul-less or anything, but I really wish I hadn't found all that stuff out.

Deep down I was a little glad to hear that things have really gone downhill for her after we split up and that obviously I was doing much better than her... but she was never someone I would describe as strong and independent... anyone who read my thread a long time ago and still remembers would agree.

But yeah, I regret seeing her again because it breaks my heart to see how far she has fallen. And when our meeting was over she told me that it was really great to be home and that its been good for her to get away from all that, and I agreed. Wasn't a bad meeting, I don't think any old feelings came up, even though she talked about how good our intimacy was quite a bit.

Goodness, I went all over the place with this post... Bottom Line, from my experience it'll be like opening a can of worms if you push it too far.

I have not called my ex yet, and I'm pretty adamant in that I will not be calling her...but we'll see what happens.
Do you really want me, while sobbing hysterically, watch you fall off your pedestal?? Have some pity, Sneezy! Don't tease!

So... I'm sure I'm going to catch some hell for this... but so be it.

Update.

I have stated that my ex recently told me of a professor who passed away... this professor was my mentor, one of my best friends on staff, etc.

Friday night, I got a text from her stating, "We need to talk." I thought this was odd, as we haven't really spoken in over a year, thus, we had nothing to talk about, and she wasn't an assertive person, so I replied, "About...?"

She then stated that we needed to talk about how we want this to end. I'll be going away for good this summer, and she will as well. So she wanted to talk about how we wanted to remember "us" for the rest of our lives.

(this is where I try to give myself excuses... so... feel free to skip on ahead)
A couple of days back, a good friend of mine had actually told me he saw the ex, and she looked like she could really use a friend. At the time, I said, "yeah, but it's not my responsibility anymore" But now, that she had actually confronted me, I took this to heart. And I spoke with her.

Our phone conversation was very... irrational and emotional, mostly on her part. I was what most women would refer to it as... "cold and absolutely heartless...quite an @sshole." And it's true. I was cold, I was calculated, and I was 100% rational.

During the phone conversation, she asked me over and over again, if we could be friends. I told her over and over again, that I could no longer trust her, and thus, I couldn't be friends with her.

Things I found out during this convo:

- She is no longer the rational, cool, funny girl I once dated. She is now FULL BLOWN emotional, irrational, and sadly, pathetic.
- her and the new boy toy is now done-zos. They broke it off, and are now "just friends." When I asked when this happened, she stated, "two months ago." mm hmm.
- She did not cheat on me (and I knew she did not, she just dated the guy VERY soon after we broke up), and her excuse for doing this was, "I needed someone, and you weren't there."
- Apparently, she blames her and the new guy dating, as if I had stayed friends with her, she wouldn't have started dating him.

So... yeah. I was flabbergasted throughout the conversation, a little insulted, but mostly, I just felt bad for her. I realized that she is now an absolute wreck, and she even said that she is "miserable without me, and she will never be happy without me."

I then told her that I cannot speak with her without her being rational about things, and told her to call me when she can be reasonable.

She called me again last night, and we talked, more in a reasonable manner. She tried to convince me that I cannot trust her, and the only way I can trust her again, is if we started talking, so she could show that I can trust her again. I politely declined, but the attempt at convincing continued. I told her I would have to think about this.

I then consulted a few close friends, and they asked me how I felt about it. Right now, I don't really care whether I speak to her. It wouldn't make me sad, nor would it make me happy. It'd be just "another person to talk to." Then, my friends split like the Republicans/Democrats. Some told me that if I really don't care much about it, then why not talk to her once in a while, at least to alleviate the tension and "make a girl happy, if it's not too much trouble." The other half said, "It's not your problem."

I then spoke to a girl who told me that in fact, she had spent time with my ex a few weeks back, and they watched a movie. In the movie, my name apparently came up, and my ex started "crying uncontrollably." oh boy.

Since I couldn't get an unanimous decision, I decided this:

I told my ex that there was absolutely no benefit in speaking with her. It would be more work for me than anything. I then told her that the things that would go wrong if we started to talk... my friends getting on her case... the emotional fallout I would have to deal with from her about the girls I've been seeing, etc.

So I asked her what she had to offer. She had nothing. I then told her that I would not be convinced, unless she had something to offer me, a sacrifice, something she's willing to give up to have me back in her life. It's a jerk-move, I know this, but I did it to see exactly how willing she is.

To be honest, this is where I stand. If she is willing to offer: "I will completely erase the new boy toy, I will never speak to him, see him, etc." If this is the case, then I am willing to speak to her.

Anything else, no go.

Now, I'm ready. Bring on the hate.

Now, I'm ready. Bring on the hate.
I've read John Grisham, Danielle Steel, Sue Grafton, Jeffrey Deaver, and Patricia Cornwell, but my all-time all-timer favorite writer is Sneezy!!

You must be ever more specialer than I thought!

Question: If she produces, then what will you do with her?

Aww, thanks for the warm words wondergirl. I knew I could always count on you for encouragement when needed.

If she does actually produce (which I doubt she will, because I doubt she is willing to give up the ONE person she has close to her for a "CHANCE" to talk to someone), then I will do as I promised. I will TALK to her; nothing more, nothing less. I will chat with her every now and then, and share shallow everyday happenings about my life. That's it.

I will chat with her every now and then, and share shallow everyday happenings about my life. That's it.
Maybe you could lend her the book Stiff to fill in her empty hours.

Sneezy, Sneezy, Sneezy ::shakes head:: you know my thoughts on this, I'll wait for Tal to come along, he'll kick your butt.

Get him Tal!

Sneezy, Sneezy, Sneezy ::shakes head:: you know my thoughts on this, I'll wait for Tal to come along, he'll kick your butt.

Get him Tal!
Sneezy's okay -- professional detachment going on there.

He's a sweetie, he knows it, but talking to the ex again, bad idea! He's a big boy, he can make his own decisions, even if they're bad ones. ;)

I don't think you should be talking to her anyway. She needs to move on too and by u 2 talking she will never do that.I think its better for her to talk to the new boy toy, she will be busy with him and u won't have to do her this big favor!

Apparently, the new boy toy is not up to "par"... or she'd be talking to him.

apparently, the new boy toy is not up to "par"...or she'd be talking to him.

This has bad written all over it. Your choice though

apparently, the new boy toy is not up to "par"...or she'd be talking to him.
You must be some kind of dreamboat! Did we start a fan club for you yet?

apparently, the new boy toy is not up to "par"...or she'd be talking to him.

Rewind 14 months :cool:

Well, actually, I don't count this as a setback at all...

Honestly, I'm doing just fine, and this doesn't really bother me all too much. Just one of those "blip" things that happen on the radar.

Ooh, look, there's a blip!

If we don't ever talk again, I'm OK with that, and I'll continue my life just the way it's been going. :)

You must be some kinda dreamboat! Did we start a fan club for you yet?


LOL... Looks like wondergirl's flirting again mcsneezer ;)

I know... I know...

When will women realize I'm more than just a pretty face..

:p

I know...I know...

When will women realize I'm more than just a pretty face...?

:p
Gray's Anatomy's got Dr. Dreamy. We'uns gots our own Dr. Sneezy!!

*sigh* *swoon*

Dr. Sneezy, hmmm, you can give me a physical any time. ;)

To be honest, this is where I stand. If she is willing to offer: "I will completely erase the new boy toy, I will never speak to him, see him, etc." If this is the case, then I am willing to speak to her.



Red Flag- she is willing to do anything to be your friend

Read flag- There are no conditions on friendship

Red Flag- She is very desperate to get back what she had

Red Flag- He was a rebound and now she wants you to be, not good at all. She is way to needy, and desperate.

Solution- Don't feed her false hope, she has to many problems.

You don't need this drama, or the distraction. There are to many other things to do, and she needs to get her own act together.

She needs you way more than you need her, but no way let her use you to get over her real problems that she is very unwilling to deal with.

You know the drill, get scarce, and keeping enjoying what you have honestly, worked hard for.

Sneezy, my man! We have been through our break ups together. Now, I don't agree with making her chose but you're a man and can do what you want. Me personally, I have decided to be "friends" with my ex. Let me define that for you, we BARELY talk and it's always initiated by her, and it's about meaningless crap going on in our lives. I wouldn't call it a real friendship. More of an occasional conversationist that lasts 5-10 mins(through texting) every couple months. It keeps her happy because she feels she has a friend even after we parted on bad terms. The final choice is up to you, but sometimes it's better to just bite the bullet and be the part-time friend to alleviate the stress from your life.

Sneezy, my man! We have been through our break ups together. Now, I don't agree with making her chose but your a man and can do what you want. Me personally, I have decided to be "friends" with my ex. Let me define that for you, we BARELY talk and it's always initiated by her, and it's about meaningless crap going on in our lives. I wouldn't call it a real friendship. More of an occasional conversationist that lasts 5-10 mins(through texting) every couple months. It keeps her happy because she feels she has a friend even after we parted on bad terms. The final choice is up to you, but sometimes it's better to just bite the bullet and be the part-time friend to alleviate the stress from your life.

This is as close at it comes to real friendship with an ex.

Any farther and you're on faulty ground!


Glad you could get there Rome, it keeps everyone happy really, I think...

I agree that this is a bad situation, as I had warning bells going off... but I don't think Romefall's ideas are too bad either. When I meant that I will "talk" to her, I was going along the lines of what Rome has been doing... having shallow conversations so that it will "get her off my back."

Instead of 3 - 4 phone calls a day that says, "I need you," they may be 3 - 4 texts of saying, "What's up?"

I'd rather have a few shallow conversations than these "talks" over and over again, just to alleviate the stress.

That was my outlook on the situation. I'd much rather have that because I was going through what you were. The third party friends telling you about her and how she misses the conversation and wishes you two were friends, her texts or calls wondering why you won't talk to her. Once I did this "friends" junk, that all stopped and we still barely talked. Both parties are happy and I'm back to no stress:-)

Okay, Rome, Sneezy, I'm just stunned that this works, really really stunned.

I'm not saying that you can't be "friends" with an ex, heck, I have exes that are friends, very good friends, but that was 20 years after they were exes, any sooner then that wouldn't have worked, at least not for me.

So, both of you are allowing conversation to get these girls off your backs. Wow, wow, wow, these girls are good. Neither one of you want them in your lives but both of you are stuck with them because they won't back off. How the heck do you force someone to be your friend, contact them over and over until they give in? Wow!

Sorry boys, I don't mean to sound harsh, adore both of you but really, these girls are manipulating little... I'll stop there. ;)

I guess times have changed, whenever a guy told me to get lost (didn't happen often, I'm good too ;)) I got lost, that was that. I have my pride, I have no desire to be "friends" with someone I have to force into the friendship.

Just plain WOW!

My ex, only came back after she found out I was with someone new(my fiance) and it tore her up to see me happy with someone else. I simply accepted the friend request because I'd rather deal wither her every once in awhile rather than deal with many people coming up and asking why I won't be her friend. I simply weighed the options of good and bad. Good, no stress and less people who will bug me and bad, well I hear from her everyone once in a couple months. It's still rips her(from what her friend said the other day) that I am with someone else and getting married.

Of course it "rips" here, because she hasn't moved on.

I kind of sort of understand the whole friendship thing, but not really. ;)

I just don't get how someone is okay with forcing their friendship on someone. How does that make her feel better? Really, she has to know, if she looks deep enough, that you're only doing this because it's less drama for you.

I just can't imagine caring so little of myself that I would be okay with a "friend" that's only my "friend" because I'm such a pain in the arse otherwise.

Is this a young girl thing, is that why I'm totally flabbergasted?

Ha ha it's got to be because I could have cared less to be her friend, let alone talk to her anymore.

True, we always want what we can't have, she wants you, can't have you, so she's forcing her way into your life. GIRLS! :(

I'm in trouble now.

Haha, yes, girls.

Well, my ex called me not too long ago and said that we needed to talk, but in person.

Yes, warning flag, but I was somewhat interested in where this was going, so I played along.

REMEMBER, I am just fine. No more lingering feelings. Just wanted to let her play her game.

Over the past couple of days, she's used up crying, desperate and pathetic, rational and convincing, as well as anger... so I was wondering what else she may have come up with.

I went there, and she got in my car, and we talked in the car in front of her apartment. Remember how I wanted her to "give up the boy toy?" Well, she didn't bring it up, but her body language said it all. She asked exactly what I wanted her to sacrifice...

SIDE NOTE: Women, I KNOW for a fact that this is not difficult to figure out. I mean, c'mon.

So I played her game and just told her that I wanted to see what she was willing to give up to get me back in her life.

She didn't flat out say it, but her body language pretty much said:

I'm not willing to give up something I know I will have... for something I may or may not get.

As we were talking, as if the fates had it, the new boy toy that "she had broken it completely off with" walked in front of my car, went to her apartment, knocked on the door, and when he didn't get a response, called her.

While her phone is ringing, I looked at her, and she looked at me with a look of sheer panic, and I told her, "I think you're needed."

... and that's that!

I know I said it was over, but the way things are going, I can guarantee that this book is not over. The chapter may be. I'm pretty dern sure that there is no way this girl is giving up. This should be fun.

LOL... I can't wait for the next chapter :)

If you're up to 30,000 words yet, this is going to become the next Silhouette bestseller. I do so want to see this get published!

If you're up to 30,000 words yet, this is going to become the next Silhouette bestseller. I do so want to see this get published!


You could just be the lady for the Job Wondergirl ;)

You could just be the lady for the Job Wondergirl ;)
I'm going to do it. I was putting it all into Word and then stopped. Will have to backtrack and pick up where I left off, count words, and keep adding more adventures. I love Sneezy's style of writing, and the story just flows like a river.

I'm gonna do it. I was putting it all into Word and then stopped. Will have to backtrack and pick up where I left off, count words, and keep adding more adventures. I love Sneezy's style of writing, and the story just flows like a river.


LOL... I would like to order a copy please :)

I have the tapes, I can give you a copy of them M, but it'll cost you. ;)

LOL.....................I would like to order a copy please :)
I'm not kidding. I PMed him long ago to send it in somewhere. It's too good for a romance novel -- maybe should check into finding an agent. This could be big! Or hey -- I could be the agent -- I know publishers and editors and authors well enough to chat this up.

I'm seriously considering this publishing thing. WG gave me the idea, and I honestly have no idea how many people will read it... I doubt a whole lot except a few here on AMHD...

When the war is over, I shall look into it.

I'm seriously considering this publishing thing. WG gave me the idea, and I honestly have no idea how many people will read it...I doubt a whole lot except a few here on AMHD...

When the war is over, I shall look into it.
War schmar. I catalog library books for a living. If you could see the el crapo stuff I catalog, stuff that passes for fiction -- not to mention the nonfiction (How to sharpen your concrete saw... ). This Sneezy thing could be the 21st century's Perfect Storm, a very readable advice book memoir for NC -- and we all know how many questions get asked here about that every day!

I'm seriously considering this publishing thing. WG gave me the idea, and I honestly have no idea how many people will read it...I doubt a whole lot except a few here on AMHD...

When the war is over, I shall look into it.

I work for a big publishing house, I can probably help you out with the publishing part, if you need any help that is.

I am telling you Sneezy, this novel would sell itself! I would definitely buy a copy, only if I can get it autographed by the author!

Incredible - I'm at your stage of taking it chilled and going on dates - good on you mate.

Come a long way - enjoy

If people are lured in to buying all of the e-books about getting their ex back, I don't see why they wouldn't buy this story... it is amazing and, unlike the e-book, actually does help you out.

Just wanted to get my two cents in...

wow truly insppiring spent the whole afternoon reading it lol. I need something more though. I need to know if NC is really the way to approach my situation. You've come along way man. I wish I can have the confidence you do now.

Turns out what you wanted in the first place you ended up having it come to you but at that time you didn't need it anymore. Love? What is love? Do you really have love for this women? What is true love? I think things would have turned out differently if that was the case. Good luck! Don't be too mean to her =P I wonder if my ex will come running back to me once I move on as well. Maybe I won't want her back by then. But there is the "other guy" in her life too... sigh

For me, the other guy was the reason she left me. I was crushed, I was broken, and I was left to pick up the pieces.

A year and some months later, she came back running. Did I love her? I think so. I thought I'd end up marrying her... so yeah, I think I did love her. Do I think about her now? From time to time, but the nauseating sting isn't there anymore.

If she is truly sincere would you take her back? O_O

Well, my situation's a bit... complicated. Do I love her? Yes, as a person. However, in the course of the past year and a half, we've both changed tremendously. So in that sense, I would have to get to know her again.

Also, logistically, she's going to grad school in May, about 1200 miles away from here, and I may be going to medical school (if I'm accepted) in August, nowhere near her. So that wouldn't work out. If our paths crossed once again in the future, then I would again have to get to know her once more...

Ahhhh. Your situation is pretty inspiring with the no contact. How do you know if you should use no contact or not? If you want check out my situation

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/opinions-about-situation-328921.html#post1603532

Hello none12345. I just read your (long) post. I'll keep it short and to the point. People are hardly worth all the time and effort that we end up putting into them. As time passes by, you realize this fact more and more. Just let it go. Don't contact the girl.

On the bright side, you had a relationship that lasted 5 years, which is amazing and (imo) miraculous in today's society of casual, ambiguous and oftentimes complicated relationships. Good for you!

Seriously, you're young. You'll find someone, or someone will find you soon enough. Live it up while you can.

Isneezefunny... you're my hero. You've given me so much hope and I love you man.

Um... I love you too bro?

Probably the last update I will do before I end this whole thing.

A few weeks ago, I decided to call my ex and catch up. Things didn't work out and we didn't get to really talk, but a couple of weeks ago, she decided to give me a call... and we talked for about an hour or so. No snide comments, no hurt feelings, no anger, nothing... just a nice catching up between two people who shared something special in the past. We left it at, "hopefully, we'll see each other soon," and I really meant it.

So with that, I'm going to have to say, my journey with this one specific girl is over.

I'm leaving for medical school August 9... my restaurant is closed, and I am currently opening up a gas station... so until I leave for med school, I will be busy with the setting up of the gas station. Hope everyone's doing well... wish you all the best.

Thank you to everyone for your support, and thanks for reading my story. Hope you found it helpful (enjoyable at least). Thanks again.

Good luck with Med School Sir Sneeze , hope everything works out well for you :)

um...I love you too bro?

probably the last update I will do before I end this whole thing.

A few weeks ago, I decided to call my ex and catch up. Things didn't work out and we didn't get to really talk, but a couple of weeks ago, she decided to give me a call...and we talked for about an hour or so. No snide comments, no hurt feelings, no anger, nothing...just a nice catching up between two people who shared something special in the past. We left it at, "hopefully, we'll see each other soon," and I really meant it.

So with that, I'm going to have to say, my journey with this one specific girl is over.

I'm leaving for medical school August 9...my restaurant is closed, and I am currently opening up a gas station...so until I leave for med school, I will be busy with the setting up of the gas station. Hope everyone's doing well...wish you all the best.

Thank you to everyone for your support, and thanks for reading my story. Hope you found it helpful (enjoyable at least). Thanks again.
What about the publishing idea? Which med school? May I still be in contact with you, same email address?

I have saved every page... so we'll take it from there.

You can all reach me at my same e-mail addy... or pm me... in fact, I'm thinking of starting a blog and posting updates about my experiences in med school. Once I get it started, I'll post the link.

I have saved every page...so we'll take it from there.

You can all reach me at my same e-mail addy...or pm me...in fact, I'm thinking of starting a blog and posting updates about my experiences in med school. Once I get it started, I'll post the link.
You already have a blog. I have it bookmarked.

Ah, well, wait for a new one... it'll be something along the lines of (adventures of a sneezy in med school)...

... it's a working title...

Post the link man! I definitely want to keep in touch with you, we came into this whole break up thing together ha ha

Yes, yes we did, romey rome. I'll be here until August 9, and from then on, I'll be here in intermittently.

I'll PM you my E-mail address Sneezy because summers are hectic in the school district with all the new computer purchases that have taken place.

Good luck with Med School Sneeze. You really have been an inspiration to many on this board.

Sneezy, you better keep in touch with me. I know people that know people that will find you and talk to your people.

Don't make me go there! ;)

I only joined this site to say what an incredible thread to go down in the history of the internet haha... I just am going through my first ten days of NC but just reading this thread when I have spare time has made this process so much easier.. before you guys sign off and leave the thread for good, I just wanted to say thanks! And sneeze you are def an inspiration for me to continue NC!!



Paul
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear you will make one"

I only joined this site to say what an incredible thread to go down in the history of the internet haha....I just am going through my first ten days of NC but just reading this thread when I have spare time has made this process so much easier.. before you guys sign off and leave the thread for good, i just wanted to say thanks! and sneeze you are def an inspiration for me to continue NC !!!!!!!
I told Sneezy I really believe he has a shot at getting that thread published as a how-to-survive manual.

I love this. WHAT HAPPENED? I Want to READ MORE.

Haha, there's no more. It's over. We both moved on... we're now in separate areas of the country... she's going to grad school, I'm going to med school...

We got back in touch and caught up as friends... no animosity, no bad feelings... we just simply moved on. That was it.

Make something up sneeze :cool:

Do we all get part of the spoils from the publishing ? ;)

Oh ouch =[ Bad ending... Damn.
This was a good story

Make something up sneeze :cool:

Do we all get part of the spoils from the publishing ? ;)
It was my idea to publish, and I've been encouraging him for ages. My cut will be the biggest. Think of me as his literary agent.

I've been following WG on this thread for ages. Why don't you two give it a try? :P

It was my idea to publish, and I've been encouraging him for ages. My cut will be the biggest. Think of me as his literary agent.

Fair call WG :)

Fair call WG :)
I've even c/p it to my Word program--not other comments, but just his stuff, uncut and unedited. Priceless!

Oh ouch =[ Bad ending...Damn.
This was a good story

Mmm I don't think so. It was the best for the both of us. I know a lot of people that are going through breakups right now don't want to hear "we moved on"... and would rather hear "we got back together and we're getting married," but honestly... we broke up because something wasn't working out... and if we got back together, it would have ended regardless, and it would have been that much more painful the second time around.

For those of you going through breakups right now, it does get better... trust me. I'm living proof. I moved on, she moved on, and we're both better people because of this. Keep your head up.